


Journey to Agartha: Act 3

by PiquantDino



Category: Disney Duck Universe, DuckTales (Cartoon 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Boyd - Freeform, City of Duckburg (Disney), Comedy, Cruise, Drama, DuckTales OC, Duckburg, Ducktales (2017) - Freeform, Ducktales AU, Ellie (OC) - Freeform, Explicit Language, F/M, Florida, Gangs, Gloria (OC) - Freeform, Gyro Gearloose - Freeform, Jimmy Buffet, Journey to Agartha, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, Major Original Character(s), Mark Beaks - Freeform, Mild Gore, Non-Explicit Sex, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Road Trips, Romantic Comedy, Vacation, ducktales - Freeform, ducktales boyd, ducktales2017, romcom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 54
Words: 278,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26945335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PiquantDino/pseuds/PiquantDino
Summary: Boyd couldn't be happier with his new family. But when a family vacation goes haywire, he comes to the realization that perhaps the true villains were with him all along.
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, thanks for clicking on this fic! If you've read Act 1 and 2, thanks for sticking with the fic for so long, but also...why? If you haven't read Acts 1 and 2 yet, I recommend you do that first. Or not! I'm not your mom.

2 months had passed since Mark had woken up from his coma… and since Glomgold had escaped from his child leash attached to the car. 

He had been lost on the streets of Duckburg the entirety of the time, having yet to return to his “family”. Having lost all his belongings to the city as “payment” after his dictatorship (to be used as repairs to Duckburg), I guess you could say he was considered fucking homeless. 

Glomgold managed to return to Miss Glamour’s a few weeks ago, only to find out that Mark, Boyd and Ellie had moved out to wherever the hell Mark lived. And no, it wasn’t Waddle. 

And no, Miss Glamour didn’t let him stay. She kicked that bitch out. 

Having lost his shirt in a terrible accident that shouldn’t be explained, Glomgold cockroach crawled through alleyways with his abs and man boobs fully on display. If he was lucky, roaches and rats would spare some pizza for him. 

A figure could be seen sitting in a cardboard box by a rusted dumpster. Glomgold being Glomgold decided it would be a good idea to approach whoever it was. It was a small child duckling begging for change in the middle of the alleyway; not the best spot to beg for change but the kid looked starved so his brain cells probably were too. 

He was covered in dirt and smelled absolutely horrid. Glomgold had gone down that specific alleyway due to his keen smell, hoping to find rotted food or at least a run over a possum. But no. It was just a stupid, starving homeless kid. 

“OY! THE FUCK YOU DOING IN ME TERRITORY!? THIS AREA OF DUCKBURG IS MINE!” 

The homeless child with bags under his eyes looked up at Glomgold. He was too tired to have much of a reaction. “Do you have any money to spare, sir?”

“FUCKING NO! I DON’T HAVE A SHIRT! YOU THINK I HAVE MONEY?!” Glomgold looked down to see a half eaten McDonald’s burger next to the kid. It was covered in grime as well and had some bug larvae on it. “YOU GONNA EAT THAT?!” 

The kid didn’t know what he was talking about until he looked at where Glomgold was pointing. “My hamburger?...Yes…” He gestured to his showing ribs. “I’m very hungry…”

“Oh...I see…” Glomgold scratched his fake beard. “DON’T CARE! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!” He grabbed that shit and yeeted, leaving the child to cry by the dumpster behind him. He shoved the old McDonald’s burger, and bug larvae, down his throat, swallowing it in one bite. He got on all fours so he could scatter faster just in case cops heard him. “...this is all because of Scroogie….” He whispered to himself despite him having absolutely no reason to blame Scrooge at all. Steelbeak took his power and he was now dead. “Scrooge McFuck is going to PAY!!!!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Family therapy had been going well for Mark and his fam, but Boyd was currently on a playdate with Huey so it was his first time having a session with only Ellie and vice versa. It looked like it was about to turn into relationship therapy. Oh boy.

“It’s been a while since our last meeting. How have things been since then?” The therapist clicked her pen, ready to take more notes on this chaotic duo. She had to go to the store and buy more paper pads because they’ve taken up so much of her notes. Like, she literally had a whole notebook with just their meetings. They really needed help.

“I have been working on getting a citizenship and social security.” Ellie started. “...and putting up more lost posters for my Uncle.” 

The therapist nodded. “That’s wonderful, Ellie. You’ve come so far already.” She smiled before turning her attention to Mark. “How about you, Mark?”

“Hmmmmmm” Mark had to think about it for a second. “Oh! I’ve been trying my hand at preparing Spaghetti O’s so that’s pretty lit! I drop Boyd off at his little friend’s house whenever he wants and I got a new phone! So yeah overall pretty solid!” Mark always either lost his phone or something happened to it, so he came prepared and bought 17 new phones. If an evil dictator takes it away in the future, he would be prepared.

“I have also requested he takes parenting classes,” Ellie added. “He is attending another one on Wednesday.” 

“Yeah, that too! That’s been going pretty well so far. It’s a little boring but whatevs.” Mark shrugged. In the past few therapy sessions, he tried to text and tweet about the sessions. Obviously that’s a no-no. After a while, Mark knew not to be on his phone during the sessions and he’s been getting better at it! He even surprised himself! But Mario Kart was pretty tempting.

The therapist, who’s name was Ms. Kris, nodded while jotting down more notes. She was about to get into their issues again and she wasn’t ready for the shit storm their life was. “Well…” She trailed off before sighing. “Since Boyd isn’t with you two this time around we should dig deeper into your relationship. I’m aware you have had an abundance of issues between one another in the past. So before we get into that, what do you two like about each other?” 

Mark and Ellie looked at each other. It was pretty bad but neither of them had any fucking clue and they weren’t going to admit that. Of course they loved one another, but what for was a goddamn mystery. Ms. Kris probably already knew that but whatever.

“He...um… I appreciate that Mark saved my life and I like the swoop of his hair. I also know that he cares for me.” 

The therapist stared at her for a minute before scribbling notes down in her notepad. The only noise heard was the clock ticking before she spoke up again. “Alright. And you, Mark?”

Mark was not good at this kind of stuff. If he could text it out or do a cringy Instagram live story talking about it, he would. He cleared his throat. “Well, there’s a lot of things! Uhhh… okay well, first I was the one who built her so you already know that that makes her dope af. She cares a lot about Boyd which is pretty cool too. Ummmm…” Mark scratched his head. “There’s more obviously, but I’m not good at this whole… talking thing.”

Ellie immediately felt bad because despite his short comment he still had more to say than she had. 

“Is that all the two of you can think of?” 

Neither of them responded.

Ms. Kris gave a “what the fuck” look as she pretended to scribble something on her notepad, she just didn’t want to look at them. “Okay. Well, you two have fought a lot in the past. What issues do you have with one another? Please keep it civil.” 

Ellie knew she was going to have to be the one to go first and she really didn’t want to. “Mark… does not listen to my issues outside of therapy sessions. He seems to have trouble comforting me.” She was referring to her many panic attacks since the whole Godgold camp and Steelbeak thing. In fact, she had been shutting down more lately just to avoid thinking about it. “I believe he has trouble picking up on my emotions or empathizing with them. He also called my looks a 6 or 7 compared to other girls on Twitter a few months back and that sometimes bothers me….but he has been being a great father to Boyd!” Ellie added that last part as a quick save, but it was also a straight up lie. A poorly told lie.

Mark fidgeted with his jacket. Boy was straight up not having a good time right now. “Ummm…” He really didn’t want to bring this up but he knew he had to. “Ellie can kiiiiiiiiiiind of be a party pooper? Like, she’s fun to be around for the most part but there’s no denying she has a stick up her ass.” Mark stared at the ground. He could feel the two of them looking at him and it was too threatening and scary for him. UmU.

“...what is that supposed to mean?”

“Ellie, not now.” Ms. Kris stopped her from continuing. “The most reassuring thing I can say is you both are not in the wrong. You both have noticed one another’s flaws, that I have noticed myself, and now it is only a matter of addressing them and learning how to understand those flaws as well as cope with them until the other improves. It’s all about teamwork.” Ms. Kris had no clue why the hell they were together but they were paying her so… “Mark, why do you think Ellie feels that way?”

“Feels what way?” He was practically sweating bullets at this point. He knew that therapy was his idea but he had no idea how awkward it would make him feel.

“...that you have trouble comforting her, listening to her, and empathizing with people…” 

“Oh, that! Ummm… I guess it’s beeeeecauuuseeeeeee…” He looked around the room thinking the answer was posted somewhere. “Because I’m on my phone all the time?”

Ellie stared at him. “...no, that is not the reason why.” 

The therapist held out her hand. “Ellie. I told you now is not the time. We will address that soon.” Ms. Kris pointed her pen at her. “Why do you think Mark believes you’re uptight?” 

“I am not sure.” Ellie started looking around the room awkwardly now too. “Perhaps because I speak rather monotone with the exception of when I am upset…?”

Ms. Kris nodded. “Okay. Mark why don’t you tell her the real reason. Politely please.” 

“I guess… hmmm… Well, you never listen to music. Uhhhh… You never really want to go out to raves or dance or do anything like that. You like BOOKS! Like, whatttttt? Crazy amiright?” He air nudged Ms. Kris who was sitting across from him. She wasn’t pleased. He saved himself by putting his hands in his jacket pockets. “Yeah, I guess that’s it.”

Ellie scoffed. “Why on earth would I want to go to one of those idiotic-”

“Now is NOT the time to argue, Ellie! Mark is not arguing with you, now is he?”

Ellie did indeed shut the hell up. 

Mark tugged at his hair “Ugh! See?! I don’t want to keep fighting and arguing like this! I thought therapy was going to fix this! I’m just uncomfortable and mad.” Steelbeak was a better therapist than Ms. Kris was in his mind.

“It’s a slow process Mark. You’ve only been seeing me for three weeks and this is your first session alone with one another.” She turned back to Ellie. “And why do you feel the way you do about Mark?” 

She sighed. “I have been struggling mentally ever since…” The therapist knew what she was implying so she continued. “He doesn’t seem to notice me struggling and when I try to speak about it with him he is either making Spaghetti O’s or listening to music… sometimes he changes the subject.” 

“Okay. I want you both to take a moment and try to understand where the other is coming from. Silently.” The three of them listened to the clock tick for five minutes and Mark felt like he was going to barf. “When was the last time you two were intimate with one another? Or even alone on a date?” 

“...we have only been on one date and it ended with me slapping him…” Ellie admitted. 

“Yep. We’ve been a little busy with everything that’s been going down, feel? We haven’t had the time, I guess.” Mark added.

The therapist just wanted them out of her office at this point but they still had a good 20 minutes. “Have you two been romantic at all? Or are you simply just raising a child together because that sounds more like a struggling friendship.” 

Ellie started panicking and waved her hands. “No! No! We’ve been romantic before! There was this one time during my Uncle Glomgold’s rule. We were in an alleyway while missing the mandatory executions… but we ended up getting interrupted by Steelbeak and sent to Camp Godgold.”

“Yeah!” Mark chimed. “And there was this one time at camp Godgold where we were stuck outside so we went to the beach together. AND one time when we were hiding in my mommy’s house from Steelbeak but we got interrupted by my mom because she wanted to show Ellie an old picture book of me…” The last part was muttered under his breath. 

“That’s it? 3 times? And all during the most traumatic events of your life?” 

Ellie frowned. “...I kissed his cheek in prison once?” 

The therapist started running out of ink in her pen. “It seems to me you two were turning to each other as a sort of coping mechanism. You aren’t used to living a life together under normal circumstances. You’re learning who one another really are in a normal habitat for the first time which is why the relationship hasn’t been moving forward or healing very well.” 

Mark nodded. Yep, that sounded about right to him. “So what should we do?”

“Simple. You need to spend more time with each other. Alone. That means without Boyd or Glomgold… if you ever find that old man again.” She said. “I also want it to be a goal for you,” Ms. Kris pointed to Mark. “To consciously listen to Ellie more, and you,” Now she had her attention on Ellie. “To do what Mark wants to do more. And stop scolding one another for how the other person feels. Understood?” 

Mark nodded again. He was starting to loosen up a bit more because he knew that the session was almost over. “I think I can do that! Totes!” He gave his therapist a thumbs up.

“I believe I can do so as well.”

Ms. Kris nodded. She took out a pamphlet before handing it to the two of them. “Perhaps you two should look at this.” 

Mark took a hold of the pamphlet and gasped “Woahhhhhh, a cruise! Funnnnnn! Are you taking us there as like a field trip or something? Therapy sessions at sea?!”

Ms. Kris wanted to slap Mark almost as much as she wanted to slap Ellie when she started to argue. “No. It is just a suggestion for you two to do on your own time. As a way to spend more intimate time together. It’s cruise season, you know. It could even be a family thing. There are plenty of opportunities to be alone together on a cruise, even if family is included.” 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Ellie stated. “Do you agree, Mark?” 

“Helllll yeah! I can take so many instagram photos!” Mark stood up and struck a pose as if he was taking a selfie on the cruise already. Ellie laughed.

The therapist on the other hand wasn’t amused and sighed. “Your session is up. I’ll see you next week.” One thing is for sure, this woman was going to be drinking lots of wine that night to get through this one.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Wow! You’ve been seeing therapy too, Huey?!” Boyd was sitting on the ground alongside Huey. The two of them were playing peaceful mode on Minecraft. They had a killer farm and neither one of them wanted to deal with the stress of having mobs trying to kill them. Huey was currently gathering grown carrots and potatoes from their farm while Boyd was wandering around a nearby village to trade and plant flowers for them.

“Yeah…” Huey smiled. “I think my PTSD is slowly going away…” 

“I had no idea you were at that camp too! I would’ve said hi!” 

He laughed. “It probably was for the best. I was having… a lot of mental breakdowns.” 

Boyd laid a hand on his shoulder. “Aw. That’s okay. I would’ve wanted to help.” 

“Thanks, Boyd. You’re a real good friend!” Huey’s inventory was full so he had to put away the potatoes in chests before coming back to continue farming and replanting. “What’s been going on with you? We haven’t hung out in a long time for obvious reasons. Life around here,” Huey gestured around the mansion. “Has been slowly getting back to normal. Neither Louie or my mom were affected by the camp somehow. Or affected by anything…”

“Pretty good! I have two dads, a robot mom, an aunt, and a grandfather or uncle now!” 

Huey paused the game. “What? Really? How?! Who?!” 

“Well my grandfather or uncle, I’m not really sure what he is, is Glomgold!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Wow… Chili’s was an interesting choice on your half.” Gyro tried to make it a compliment as him and Gloria sat at a booth that had a lot of gum underneath the table. One piece got stuck to his Banana Republic pants. “Is this your favorite place or something?” 

Gloria shook her head. “No, I’ve never been to a Chili’s before! I just came here because of the “Hi welcome to Chili’s” guy!” She laughed thinking about that iconic vine. Rip vine. Tiktok is cool but it just ain’t the same. 

“...is he a celebrity or something…?” 

Gloria looked at him as if he had two heads “You don’t know the Chili’s vine? Vines?”

He gave her a strange look. “What types of vines? Woody vines? Lianas? The Kiwifruit vine? … those aren’t found around here though.” 

“Noooooo not like real vines! I mean, “So I was sitting there, barbeque sauce on my titties.”

Gyro, like the incel he was, quickly looked at her chest and then back up at her face. “No you don’t…?” 

“Countryyyyy boyyyyyyyy I loveeeeee youuuuu blehhhhhh!” At this point she didn’t even want to explain what she was doing; she just wanted to quote vines.

“Are you- are you messing with me? I thought this was a date.” How Gyro perceived that was a mystery to Gloria. 

Gloria laughed again. “Sorry sorry. Okay, vines are basically just small internet videos that people quote. That’s the sole reason why we are at Chili’s!”

“Okay… sorry.” He said with his sassy Gyro attitude. “The only thing I normally talk about with people is robotics and other sorts of science which you are aware of.” He paused for a second. “Hey, as a rocket scientist yourself… you really don’t talk about it much.”

“Well I’m still an intern, remember? I haven’t exactly won a Nobel prize or discovered a cool new element or anything… yet.”

He nodded. “I suppose it’s hard to be as good as me. HEY!” 

Gloria jumped. That was the first time Gyro had raised his voice excitedly and wasn’t pissed. 

“We should create some sort of invention together!” 

“For sure! What do you wanna make?! Do you have something in mind already?” Gloria matched his energy. It was great seeing him, you know, not bitter.

“Oh I have a lot of personal projects but I want it to be something you have in mind as well.” He said. “Like we start from scratch and create a new idea together rather than building something that’s solely my idea.” 

Gloria gasped “Could we try to create a lightsaber?! Like, is that even possible?!”

“...” He leaned back in his booth. “You… like Star Wars? Do you not know how insulting that series is to the field of science?” 

“You don’t like Star Wars?” Gloria frowned. “But it’s so cool!”

“There is no fire in space!” Gyro thought of his secret Star Wars collection at home. “Of course I don’t like it. But if you want to build a lightsaber, fine, it could be useful in this hellhole of a city. But we aren’t calling it a lightsaber due to copyright.” 

“That’s fair. Oh, and I know you like Star Wars deep down. Every nerd does. Don’t deny it.”

“No, I don’t!” He blushed, scratching the back of his head. “I’ll show you my collection sometime but ANYWAY!” Gyro changed the subject before she could comment on that. “This is the first date we’ve been on in awhile. It’s nice.” 

Since this is now a romantic comedy and you’re choosing to read it, Gyro took Gloria’s hand and stared deeply into her eyes. Be prepared. There will be a cringey cliche in every chapter. We did our research. 

“I can’t remember the last time we’ve spent time together. Romantically, I mean.” Gyro didn’t say that smooth or anything. Just in his usual snarky Gyro way to make this easier to read. “The Chili’s sort of takes the mood away but it was your choice.” 

Gloria smiled. “Hey! This Chili’s is romantic as hell! I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” She joked. But she was really thankful for a nice and normal date with just the two of them. She hoped that nothing strange would happen to make the date turn south like the past two did. I mean, for God’s sake, Steelbeak was at their last date! 

Gyro didn’t pick up on The Office reference. He watched The Office, trust me, he was just too busy staring into her beautiful eyes. “I hate being all mushy gushy like, ugh, Mark. But you look really pretty tonight.” He complimented. “I think going on that cruise together, alone, and not with literally any of them to cause chaos will be a nice break. I mean, seriously. I know you are friends with Ellie and all… but… the chaos.” 

Gloria nodded “Yeah. We haven’t had a break since we first started dating and even before that there was chaos! As much as I like to punch and insult you, it’ll be nice to spend some time alone with you too.”

Gyro ordered both of them some quality Chili’s wine. Yep, that’s a thing now. “You know when I said I liked you because I’m into mean girls? Which is very embarrassing by the way… so let’s forget that happened. I like you for a better reason now. You’re funny and insult people as much as I do. You hate Mark, and the best thing is you’re a fellow scientist who thinks the way I do! For the most part.” 

“Okay I guess it’s my turn now and yes I have more reasons to like you other than the fact that you have a cool hat. I said that last time and It was the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever said.” Gloria continued. “Yeah you took the words right out of my mouth. I love the fact that you are just as bitter and sarcastic as I am! Most people don’t find it charming but I think you pull it off! You make sarcasm sexy, Gearloose.” She joked while also giving him a wink. “But on a more serious note, I know you value your brain above all else but after everything we’ve gone through, I think the one thing I love the most about you is your heart. So, thank you.” Gloria smiled, before kissing the top of Gyro’s hand that she was holding.

He laughed. “I know. I’m pretty likeable.” No he wasn’t but he thought he was. He took his hand away from hers to rest it on her cheek. The dirty Chili’s table was pretty large and uncomfortable to lean over but he did it anyway, standing up and everything. He leaned over and kissed Gloria. And he made it a long one because they never got romantic. Gloria wrapped her hands around his neck until he finally broke the kiss, but kept his hand on her cheek. “You still live in that dingy apartment, right? Maybe you should stay with me for a bit again! I mean, not to bring up Mark again…” He cringed. “But Ellie and Mark live together so… but of course you don’t have to.” 

Luckily both Gyro’s and Gloria’s places were not torn down during all the chaos from everything that happened months ago! There was a bit of damage but the city handled it...for the most part. Gloria smiled “No no I would love to stay with you! Your place is much nicer than mine… despite the fact that you clearly have a secret Star Wars stash hidden there but I digress. I think it would be fun living with you again.”

“Alright, uh…” Gyro still sucked at romance. “I’ll make sure to clean up the place!” 

“Are you two done being romantic and shit?” Another waitress asked. Gyro winced and immediately sat back down in his seat before looking up at the Chili’s waitress. It was a different one than the one that had served the wine.

It was Magica De Spell…

“EXCUSEEEE ME?!” Gyro almost knocked over his red wine onto his white Banana Republic shirt that complimented his pink Banana Republic pants and suspenders. “You tried to kill me that one time and you expect me to be okay with you serving us food?!”

Magica scowled. “Excuse me? Excuse you. I don’t even know who the fuck your twink ass is.” 

“YOU THREW ME OUT OF A BUILDING!”

“I THROW A LOT OF DUMB SHITS OUT OF BUILDINGS!” She spat. “Oh boo hoo. Did your shadow hurt you or some shit? Well now I’m working at Chili’s and FUCKING Funzo’s thanks to Scrooge so I can bow down to incells like you. Now what the FUCK do you want to order?” 

“You don’t remember me?! I’m Scrooge’s #1 scientist!” 

“...oh. Yeah. The one that fails at everything. Yeah I guess I remember you.” She waved her hand, still not giving a shit about him. “Yeah. Listen buddy, when I get my powers back the only thing you have to worry about is pissing yourself. Now, like I said, what the fuck do you want to order?” 

“...I’ll have the spicy shrimp tacos with a gluten free shell…” Gyro muttered, crossing his arms.

“We don’t have gluten free so fuck you.” She jotted his order down. “And you, you poor soul who is for some reason with this man?” 

“Umm… Could I have the black bean and veggie fajitas, please?” Gloria wasn’t sure what the fuck just happened. She wasn’t in town when the whole Moonvasion and Shadow War thing went down.

“Sure. Whatever. Do you want an appetizer or some more gay ass wine or can I leave now?” 

“Yeah. Just go.” Gyro demanded. 

She flicked him off before leaving.

“God! I can’t get a break! I was trying to make out with you!” 

“Is she a friend of yours?” Gloria joked.

“If you consider someone who tried to destroy Duckburg then threw you out the top story of the money bin a friend, sure.” He muttered. “She’s a goddamn witch who lost her powers and is now a low life that gets off by insulting people and working shitty jobs. I’m absolutely above her.” Gyro only said that out loud because he needed to hear it. Her insults actually got to him. It was very embarrassing in front of Gloria. He took her hand again. “Needless to say, I think our date is going wonderful so far despite the interruption.”

Sudden scattering could be heard approaching the table. “OY!” Someone shoved Gloria into the wall and sat next to her. Her hand was ripped away from Gyro’s from the sudden push.

There, now sitting at the booth, was a shirtless, filth covered Glomgold. “IT’S YOOH! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU BITCHES IN MONTHS!” 

Gloria shoved Glomgold back but his fat little body didn’t budge. “Glomgold?! What the fuck?! What are you even doing here? Leave!”

“YOU CANNAE TELL ME WOT TO DO, GLADIS!” He yelled, shoving a finger in her face. It almost went up her nose. Or beak nose? Whatever. “I saw you two through the window and I wanted FOOD! So give me FOOD! I had to steal some stupid kid’s McDonald’s today. Some fat shit.” He was referring to the starving homeless child. 

“If we give you food will you promise to run back into the woods or wherever the hell you came from?!”

“NOOOO!” Throwing his head back, he let out an ungodly scottish groan. “I DUNNO WHERE ROBO BABEH ISSSSSS SO I CANNAE LIVE ANYWHERE!” 

Gyro was staying silent. He really wanted to punch something. Glomgold’s face looked pretty appetizing to his fist. 

“SO IMMA STAY UNTIL YOOH TWO BUY ME FOOD AND TAKE ME TO ROBO BABEH!” Glomgold’s scent had infiltrated the entire restaurant. Other people started coughing. Meanwhile, he took out his handy dandy red sharpie and started drawing on the table. There wasn’t paper on top of the table so he was straight up drawing on the wooden table and Gloria’s arm since it was right there.

“Glomgold if you don’t fucking leave I swear to god!” Gloria started but Glomgold quickly interrupted her, poking her with his sharpie.

“WOT DO YOU THINK YOOH COULD DO, STOOPID GIRL!? I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD! I HAVE ABS OF STEEL!” He wiggled his tummy. “NOW BUY ME FOOD!”

Gyro turned to Gloria. He had laid his hand on his fist long ago. “I think we need to hand him back over to Ellie after our… date…” It sure as hell wasn’t a date anymore. 

“EWWWWW YOU GUYS ARE ON A DATE?! GROSS!” Glomgold started to draw a doodle of Gyro with stink lines coming off of him. He figured the smell was coming from Gyro and not himself. 

“... we can continue our date at my house, Gloria…” He sighed. “Let’s just… feed this thing.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	2. The Rave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man! This is the longest chapter in the fanfiction so far! About 20 pages! A lot of chapters are a bit longer in this act.  
> Speaking of this act... it's a slow burn so if you're into that, be prepared. When I mean a slow burn, I mean there's like over sixty chapters. But my god there is a lot of drama and crap that goes down throughout it. Multiple major plot points and a lot of character development. This was my favorite act to work on so hopefully you enjoy it.

Ms. Kris, that’s right the same therapist as last chapter, sat in her leather chair. Gyro and Gloria sat on the sofa in front of her. No, they didn’t need relationship therapy like Mark and Ellie (thank God), they just liked to come together. Ms. Kris was happy to see them. They were probably her easiest clients. Their past was a shit show as well but they were normal. It was nice to speak with normal people.

She clicked her timer. “Alright. Let’s get started, shall we?” Gyro nodded although Ms. Kris didn’t need an answer. “Has anything new happened since last time? Good or bad news is fine.” 

Gyro didn’t want to start on a low note so he chose to bring up that good tea. “I’ve been spending a lot more time with Boyd lately. It’s almost like I have joint custody. I’m surprised with how compliant Ellie is being… because, well, you understand.” 

Ms. Kris did understand. “That’s great, Gyro. I’m glad everyone seems to be getting along.” That didn't include Glomgold. “Any bad news?”

“...Glomgold interrupted our date last night.” He groaned. That wasn’t exactly an issue to be brought up in therapy but holy shit was it annoying. Glomgold was a PTSD symptom just being himself. 

“Glomgold’s back?”

“Sadly.”

Ms. Kris jotted down notes, but it was for herself. She needed to make sure to sneak in wine next time a group appointment was scheduled because that Scottish fuck was going to be there. “What about you, Gloria? Any positive news? Or negative?” 

Gloria thought about it for a moment, thinking back on everything that had happened the past few months. “Oh, did I mention that I was buried alive at one point? I dunno how long but long enough to where I started to lose air.” Her tone was very nonchalant.

“Excuse me?!” Ms. Kris looked up from her notepad and adjusted her glasses so they weren’t slipping down her beak for once. “We’ve been seeing one another for weeks and you have never mentioned that! What on earth happened?” 

“Well this happened while I was still imprisoned with Steelbeak. So first I was giving him an attitude, which he beat me up over. Then when I did it again he decided it was best to just… I dunno, bury me alive I guess.”

Being a therapist, Ms. Kris had to keep calm in order to not start panic in her client. But Gloria’s calm attitude was disturbing in itself. “How does that affect you? Have you been having bad memories and flashbacks lately? Newfound phobias?” 

“Yeah I guess I’ve been having some nightmares over it recently. Losing sleep or not being able to sleep at all some nights. Not just the whole bury alive thing, but nightmares I guess over everything that has happened.” Gloria awkwardly scratched her arm while she spoke.

Gyro was surprised she brought it up. He was aware about her nightmares but she was so adamant on not talking about it. At all. He laid a hand on top of hers. 

He had been having nightmares himself, but Ms. Kris already knew about all of his twink ass issues. Dude was open about everything with the exception of his Star Wars collection and his past with Boyd. 

She jotted down more notes, having a new pen after her other appointment. You can guess which one she was referring to. “...the miscarriage as well?” 

She stared at the floor. “I haven’t been getting nightmares over the miscarriage, no, but it’s always on my mind from when I wake up till I go to bed. It sucks.”

“I’m sure it does.” Ms. Kris put down the pen to give Gloria her full attention. She was dead inside but she needed to show some empathy. “That’s to be expected with PTSD. Flashbacks, nightmares, obsessive thoughts.” The two had been already diagnosed because the shit they’ve been through was wack. “Is there anything that triggers the memories? Or does it just… happen.” 

“No it just sort of happens and I don’t know what to do. Gyro’s been a great listener though, so that’s been helping.”

“I’m glad.” Ms. Kris smiled. It was nice to know not all boyfriends were like Mark. “Well, have you been practicing the coping mechanisms I suggested? Aroma therapy, mindfulness meditation, exercise, etc?”

“I’ve been lifting weights.” Gyro added in. They were actually just cans of beans but he wasn’t going to say that. 

“Okay…” Ms. Kris already knew it was probably expired cans of food and took note of that. “Gloria?” 

Gloria shrugged. “Kind of? Probably not as much as I should.”

“What do you mean? Are you avoiding doing so?” 

“I mean, I still feel like shit everyday so I’m not sure how much the coping mechanisms are helping. I know it’ll take time but damn.”

“It’s only been a few weeks, but I can assure you that even if the difference is little, it is better than nothing.” She paused. It was off topic but Ms. Kris felt the need to bring it up. “Has… being around Boyd been bothering you? Or being around children in general?”  
That caught Gyro’s attention and he waited on Gloria’s response. 

It took her a minute to respond. She didn’t want to hurt or offend Gyro in any way but she knew he would understand. “I love Boyd! He’s the sweetest kid I’ve ever met and I am so happy for Ellie and Gyro and I guess Mark.” She muttered that last part under her breath “that they have him. But, and I know it’s already been discussed before, but he came into all of our lives, my life, during the miscarriage. I dunno it just feels off still. I’m sad when I see him sometimes.”

Gyro started internally panicking because he already offered to babysit Boyd that weekend. 

Ms. Kris nodded. “That is completely understandable. Do you think he makes the symptoms worse? Don’t be afraid to speak the truth. This is a safe space.” 

“...I mean, he might? I’m not sure I see him pretty often so it’s hard to tell.” Gloria started panicking herself. She wasn’t sure how Gyro would feel about this. 

“Oh God, Gloria.” That was Gyro so she was going to find out how he felt. Cool. “I… offered to babysit Boyd. Do you want me to cancel? I promise it’s not a big deal.” 

Ms. Kris was going to let Gloria answer before she spoke her mind. 

“No no it’s alright! Really! Like I said, I love that kid so it’s not like I’m sad around him all the time.”

“Well, if you insist it’s not a trigger…” Ms. Kris tried to find her words. “Then I think it’s healthy to continue being around children. Try to get used to them. But if you find yourself having a harder time then don’t be afraid to distance yourself and bring it up in therapy. We won’t push you unless you feel like you can move forward.” 

Gloria nodded, still staring at the floor while she spoke. “Alright. Thank you Ms. Kris.”

“It’s my job.” She reassured. “Now, let’s continue.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After Mark and Ellie’s relationship therapy session, they didn’t exactly talk for the rest of the day. They weren’t mad at each other, or upset, it was just plain awkward. What the therapist had said was right, they barely knew one another. The only reason they were “in love” to begin with was because they had been through so much together and were turning to each other for emotional support. That was about it.

They loved each other for other things too, but if they couldn’t think of the reason then it didn’t really count at the moment, did it?

Sure, Mark liked Ellie because she didn’t judge on status or money. And Ellie liked Mark...for...his hair swoop (?).

Needless to say, they needed to get to know each other more in a normal environment... and what they understood about one another so far was that they didn’t have anything in common. They didn’t even know where to start. Mark “knew” Ellie was uptight and Ellie “knew” Mark was obsessed with social media and his status, which was probably because he needed attention that he was starved of as a child but that was a whole other thing to be addressed in therapy.

When Ellie was preparing Pad Thai for Mark that night (he had only been eating Spaghetti O’s and it was concerning) she got a call from Gyro requesting Boyd stayed with him and Gloria for the weekend after his sleepover with Huey. Ellie had no issue with that because the therapist wanted her and Mark to spend more time alone together but goddamn...an entire weekend? At least on a cruise Boyd would be there. Things weren’t awkward with Boyd around because they both loved him and that was the one thing they had in common.

After a silent dinner, with small talk sprinkled here and there, Ellie decided to head to bed early. 7:00 pm early. Mark figured she had been shutting down at night recently because she wanted to act more organic but unbeknownst to him it was because she wanted to stop stressing for a few hours. The current situation wasn’t what was stressing her out (for the most part); it was the flashbacks she was having of being tortured and brainwashed by Steelbeak. She did have nightmares but she deemed them better than staying awake and thinking about it all night until she broke down or some shit. She liked to think she was getting pretty good at acting “normal” again. The therapist wouldn’t like she was doing that but therapy was where she could cry once a week so she could wait a few days. Probably.

Ellie had given up on trying to talk about her issues with Mark. He didn’t know how to handle that sort of thing and she didn’t want to stress him out when he was dealing with his own shit. Like recovering from a stab wound and a coma. Normal stuff. 

Mark ended up joining her in bed around midnight and that was that. He was tossing and turning all night, he just couldn’t get comfortable. While still half asleep he turned to his side and wrapped an arm around what he thought was Ellie. The two of them woke up to loud screaming and kicking.

“OI! DON’T YOOH TOUCH ME, MARK BEAKSSSSS!” Glomgold shot up, wearing a pair of Ellie’s pajamas. They were very stretched out. 

Mark immediately screamed and fell out of the bed. “GLOMGOLD?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN OUR BED? GET OUT!”

Ellie didn’t know how to respond so she just slowly got out of the bed and walked a few feet away.

“YOUR BED?! THIS IS MEH HOUSE TOO, YA KNOW!? WE WERE LIVING TOGETHER AT MISS GAMER’S AND THEN YOOH DITCHED MEH!!!!!” He screamed, cockroach crawling in circles on the bed. “I DESERVE TO BE HERE BECAUSE YOU ARE ME FAMILY AND YOU OWE ME!” He snatched Mark’s pillow and took it for himself. He circled around the middle of the bed like a dog until he was comfortable enough to go back to bed. He fell asleep very fast. Dude was already out before Mark could yell at him again.

Mark just laid on the floor, his legs still hanging on the side of the bed. His body made an L shape. He didn’t even bother to move at this point; he was too confused and tired to process what just happened.

Ellie knelt down beside Mark and poked him. “Do you want me to make coffee?” It was 3 am, not Mark’s designated coffee time, but neither of them were going back to sleep after whatever the hell just happened. 

“Yeah.” He slowly picked himself up and walked with Ellie to the kitchen.

“I did not even get the chance to ask where he has been.” She started while beginning to brew the coffee. “He’s been gone for two months and he is covered in filth.” Ellie sighed. “Now I’m going to have to wash the sheets.” 

Mark was yawning and rubbing his eyes the entire time. “Where did he even come from? Wait, I don’t even think I care. But why did he come back? I dunno about you but I was doing just fine without a round Scottish dude yelling at me all the time.”

Ellie handed him his coffee just the way he liked it, because that’s one of the few things she did know, and sat down beside him. “He probably came back for food. But I am glad he’s safe nonetheless, even if he is difficult to care for…” She trailed off. “I should probably prepare a guest room.” There were plenty considering it was a mansion, but with Glomgold running around the place it was going to feel really small. She needed to find a guest bedroom that for sure had a lock on the door.

Mark sipped his coffee. “Damn…” He rubbed his eyes again. “Well, now that Glomgold’s back we should take up our therapist lady’s advice and hang out together! Boyd is going to ugly’s this weekend, right? We should do something together then!”

“That sounds like a wonderful idea but…” She gestured to where they had come from. “Do you trust Uncle Glomgold to be here alone? He may- will cause some damage.” 

“I hired my boy Graves to work here too to clean up any mess he may make. Well… my mom is making him too...” He took another sip before continuing “And if G-gold gets too crazy, Graves can always kick him outside! He seems to really like the outdoors.”

“If you say so.” Ellie stayed quiet for a second. “Ms. Kris was right. I never do what you want to do so you can pick.” 

Mark smiled “Woah, for real?! Thanks, Ellie!” He picked up his kitchen phone (he left a phone in every room just in case he forgot to bring his go-to phone somewhere in the house) and scrolled through some date ideas. “How about this? It’s a rave and it’s hella fun!” Mark gave Ellie his kitchen phone to check out the rave info he saved. 

Just one glance at the photo told her everything she needed to know. Maybe Mark was right about her having a stick up her ass because she was going to hate it. It was going to be crowded and loud and there was going to be no place to read. “It looks entertaining.” She straight up lied, handing him back the phone. Ellie knew she had to give it a chance for Mark’s sake if their relationship was going to heal at all. Mark did sit through a library date before and he definitely hated that. 

“I know, right?!” He looked at the photos before turning his phone off and putting it back where it was on the table. He would’ve checked twitter but it was too late for there to be any new updates on literally anything. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll love it ! And if not, I promise I’ll make it up to you! We could go to a cafe bookshop place. What do they call that? Anyways we could go to one of those places for an entire afternoon!” He smiled again. He knew he would probably get bored of it very quickly but he figured it was a great way to get a more coffee bookstore aesthetic for his Instagram.

Ellie laid her hand on top of his. “Alright.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Donald rang the doorbell at Gyro’s (and now Gloria’s) humble abode. He was the only one free to drive Boyd over from his sleepover. 

When they didn’t answer right away he kicked the plant next to the door. Boyd hugged his pillow tighter. 

The door finally opened to reveal Gyro, and Gloria behind him. “Hey Boyd! And, um, Donald. Thank you for driving the kid over.”

“Gujherivuirebv problem vurfbiueirvberuy.” 

“Problem? Was there a problem?” Gloria gave him a confused look.

He shook his head and started yelling. “NOOOOO FEHUWEIHFWHEUIFH WIEFWE SAID FHURBVIUBVIE PROBLEM!!!!” 

Gloria and Gyro looked at each other for a second before Gloria spoke up again. “Um… No, we don’t know Sarah.”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Gyro waved for Boyd to come inside. 

“Well, thank you very much, Donald. I’ll give you a call if we need you… to drive him home for whatever reason…” He closed the door to let him continue screaming. The pot could be heard shattering on the doorstep.

“Hi Aunt Gloria and Dr. Dad!” Boyd chimed. It was his first time calling Dr. Gearloose that but he technically was his part time father so he decided Mark was “dad” and Gyro was “Dr. Dad”. Remember that because we ain’t explaining that again. 

Now that made Gyro’s whole diddly darn day. He knelt down to give Boyd a hug. “It’s good to see you! How was your sleepover?”

“It was fun! We played Minecraft and talked about Uncle Glomgold!” 

“....ohhhhh okay. That’s cool.” Gyro gave a strained smile because Glomgold’s name was a sin in itself. “Well, I hope you’re ready for a super exciting weekend that does not include your Uncle!” 

“I am! What do you two want to do? I’m up for anything!” Boyd was too sweet for this world. He would be okay doing anything with them. As long as it wasn’t illegal. He had standards. 

“Ummm…” Gyro turned to Gloria. “Why don’t you choose.” He figured if she was having a hard time with Boyd she could choose a place to send him off like a library or an aquarium or something. Gyro would be able to take over if needed. 

“Well I know Boyd doesn’t want to do anything illegal so all my plans of committing tax fraud are off the table for today.” She joked “It’s such a nice day outside. What if we just hang out at the park or something?”

After putting down his pillow on the couch, Boyd gave her a beaming smile. “That sounds really fun, Aunt Gloria! I really like to explore the city! I know I live here but I still haven’t seen that much of Duckburg… not under a dictatorship.” 

Gyro didn’t know what to say to that. “Well… the park just got rebuilt so that’s cooooool.” It should be mentioned he wasn’t good at talking to children either. 

“...can we go on a picnic and feed ducks?” Boyd asked. Don’t question ducks feeding ducks, okay? This universe is wack as is. 

“Sure! I can make us some sandwiches, would you like to help me in the kitchen, Boyd?” Gloria was already making her way to the kitchen while she spoke.

He skipped on after her. “Of course I would!” 

For the sake of not writing everything despite it being cute, the three made their cool ass sandwiches and went to the cool ass park with a cool ass plaid blanket and a cool ass basket. 

Boyd was the one to pick out the cool ass spot by the pond where he was sure there would be baby ducklings. It was the beginning of summer but there still had to be babies around. 

He squinted while looking up at Gyro and Gloria because they weren’t quite blocking the sun. “I know we just got here but can we eat now, please? I’m a bit hungry.” 

Gyro shrugged. “Uh, sure?” It was only 10 am but whatever. “We can go on the swings after or walk or whatever you want to do, okay?” He placed everything down, patting the blanket for the two of them to sit. He made eye contact with Gloria to see if she was doing alright. 

Gloria opened the cool ass picnic basket and unwrapped Boyd’s food for him. “Is it okay if I eat my sandwich later, Boyd?”

“Sure!” The little man did not care. He stayed silent for a bit as the three enjoyed the early summer weather before he spoke up again. “I’m really excited for August!” 

Gloria gave him a confused look. “Why, what’s happening in August?”

“Well, it’s my birthday!” 

“Aw, really? When’s your birthday?!”

Gyro answered for him. “August 11th. Gee, I forgot about that. Sorry, bud.”

“It’s okay. I gave you a heads up!” He handed Gloria his sandwich so she could take off the crust. “But you know what’s going to make it even better?” 

“What?” Gloria asked while peeling the crust off of his sandwich.

“The family therapist said dad and mom need to spend more time together so they’re going on a carribean cruise and I get to go along too! I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise!” 

Gyro gave Gloria a look. “Oh… do you know what cruise line, Boyd?”

“The Carnival Crow Cruise!”

“...ohhhhh goodness… that’s nice…?” Gyro coughed into his fist. That was the same cruise Gloria and him were going on in August as well. The tickets were already bought and everything. Boyd was awesome… but Mark and Ellie being there was bad news. He knew Gloria was BFFs with Ellie or whatever but oh man… Gyro was not pleased. “...is your Uncle Glomgold coming?”

“No. I don’t think so.” 

Gloria let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank god- I mean darn.”

“It’s okay… he does smell and he’s really loud.” Boyd admitted. “What are your guys’ summer plans? You must be doing something other than science work, right?” 

Gyro looked at Gloria again. “Yep… we sure do.” 

“Should we tell him?” Gloria whispered to Gyro. She didn’t want to tell Boyd that they were going on the same cruise if Gyro didn’t want him to know for whatever reason.

Gyro shrugged which meant “your choice”, which was not helpful. 

Gloria turned her attention back to Boyd. “It’s funny that your summer plans are going on a cruise Boyd, because that’s our summer plans as well. I guess we will see you there?” She smiled awkwardly.

Gyro let out a sassy groan from under his breath. Not because they would be with Boyd, but because he wasn’t a fan of the other two. Maybe Gloria would be happy around Ellie. He didn’t care enough to ask because Mark would ruin everything anyway. 

“Really?! I’ll make sure to tell my parents!” He jumped up. “Can I have the crust, Aunt Gloria? I want to use it to feed the ducklings.” Yep. That was the only reason he got rid of the crust. What a sweet boy. “You can feed them with me if you want. I can share.” 

“Sure!” She gave half of the crust pieces to Boyd and kept the other half. The two walked over to the nearby pond together while Gyro watched them.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark pulled up to the rave in his Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita with Ellie in the passenger seat. It was 4.8 million dollars just so you know. Dude had to flaunt his money. 

The rave looked concerning to Ellie to put it lightly. Not only were there wasted people screaming, but it was in an abandoned mansion littered with graffiti. She looked over at Mark. “Is it legal to enter this abandoned lot?” 

He opened the passenger door for Ellie like the “gentleman” he was. “Anything is legal as long as the cops don’t see it!” He winked.

“So… you are telling me this is not legal?” 

He sighed while locking his fancy car after she got out. “I mean, technically, but we are all filthy rich so the cops know not to crash it. I think one of the guys who attends these raves owns the police station.”

Ellie already wanted to leave but she just smiled and followed him inside. The inside was crowded, trashed, smoky, loud. You name it. It was your common illegal party that was definitely a fire hazard with it’s over crowded population.

She could barely hear and looked down at her purse in despair. There was going to be nowhere quiet enough for her to read her mathematics book she brought with her. 

Mark was immediately greeted by all of his wacky and zany friends. All of whom were either high or drunk or both.

“Ayyyyyy, Tuffy! My man! How’s it hanging?” Mark finger gunned at a guy who was the first to greet him. Tuffy looked like he was about to pass out.

“AYYYYYYYYYYY MARK! WHAT YOU SAY?! IT’S TOO LOUD IN HERE DUDE, YOU GOTTA SCREAM!” He punched him in the arm a little too hard. “WHAT’S UP, MY BROTHER?! I HAVEN’T SEEN YOU AT A PARTY IN, LIKE, AGES!!!!” 

A girl who definitely looked like she was on heroin peeked out from behind Tuffy. “YEAH! WHERE THE HELL YOU BEEN, BEAKS?! PARTY LIFE SUCKS MORE THAN A DICK WITHOUT YOU!” 

Mark put his hand to his heart. “I’M TOUCHED, FELLAS!” He looked over at Ellie “OH HEY, THIS IS ELLIE! SHE’S MY GIRLFRIEND! ELLIE, THIS IS TUFFY AND J-CHAINZ! THESE TWO ARE FUCKING INSANEEEEEEE AT RAVES!”

Ellie looked at them and their relaxed attire and then herself. She was a bit overdressed and definitely looked like a milf who should be teaching kindergarten rather than attending a party.

Tuffy punched Mark again. “DAMN, MARK! I THOUGHT THE ONLY THING YOU WOULD EVER DATE WAS YOUR PHONE OR SOME OTHER PIECE OF TECH! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOUR MONEY ISN’T IT!? NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A BILLIONAIRE, BITCH!” 

Mark laughed awkwardly but no one could hear him over the music. “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT, SHUT UP ALREADY! ARE WE HERE TO CHAT OR ARE WE HERE TO RAVVVVEEEEEEEEEEE?! PEW PEW PEW!” He “pew pewd” the air as he ran up towards the large crowd of people in the center of the room. Ellie slowly tagged along behind him.

J-chainz grabbed Mark’s arm. “DUDE, YOU GOTTA GET YOURSELF A DRINK OR SOMETHING MAN! YOU KNOW DANCING SOBER AIN’T NO FUN!!!! I ALREADY SHOT MYSELF UP!” She gestured to her arm referring to heroin because we are in an illegal party now! In a Ducktales fanfiction…

Yep.

Ellie prayed to their lord and savior Duck Jesus that Mark did not do illegal drugs. 

“HELL YEAHHHHHH PEW PEW PEW!” He ran to the side bar and threw back… he didn’t even know what, but it was strong. He threw the red solo cup on the ground and went back to his spot of the rave and went absolute apeshit with his dance moves. He danced for about 30 seconds until he realized he forgot his hoverboard in the car. He walked back to Ellie “UGH! I LEFT MY HOVERBOARD IN THE CAR! I REALIZED THAT I LEFT IT WHEN I FELT THE SENSATION OF EXERCISING THROUGH MY LEGS! COULD YOU GET MY HOVERBOARD FOR ME, PLEASE?!” 

“Okay. I will go get that.” She wasn’t going to walk to the car alone, she was just going to stand in a corner or something. This was the perfect excuse to leave. 

“WHAT?! I’M JUST GOING TO ASSUME YOU SAID YES!” He screamed, while being pulled away by Tuffy and J-chainz. “OH! OH! GET ME A TOM COLLINS AND SOME MOLLY FOR MY PALS HERE!” He threw 200 dollars at her face right before he was pulled into the crowd by his druggy friends. Who also seemed to be bad influences. 

Ellie sighed, putting the money into her purse. She wasn’t planning on buying him alcohol or drugs either, she just needed an area to stand to the side and thankfully there was a spot close to the wall by the bar, where they were also selling said illegal drugs but whatever. She was far enough away from the crowd but the music wasn’t any quieter so it still wasn’t an option for her to read her mathematics textbook or debate the physiological relationship between x and y. She was still content that she found a spot nonetheless.

The longer Ellie stood there the louder the music seemed to get. The ground was vibrating making her feel like the rest of her body was doing so as well. It reminded her of something very bad. 

She slowly brought her hands up to feel her neck. No, there wasn’t anything there and she didn’t feel any pain. It was fine. Everything was fine. (insert dog in a burning house meme).

After about ten minutes or so a wasted couple walked by, shoving her when she was in their way. Ellie let out an unneeded scream as she stumbled a few inches back, almost hitting some dealer behind her. She raised her hand to her neck again. No. Everything was fine. This was fucking fine. It was as dandy as mathematics. She just had to keep telling herself that.

Steelbeak wasn’t anywhere. The dude was dead. He was dead.

...he was dead, right…?

Someone tapped her shoulder and Ellie nearly attacked whoever it was. “YOOOOOOO! YOU’RE THAT CHICK WHO WAS WITH MARK BEAKS, RIGHT?! THAT’S COOL AS HELL!”

It was a middle aged man that looked, well, as shitty and drugged as most of the other people here. He was bald and had an abundance of tattoos that reminded Ellie of the prisoners in Agartha.

She decided to not say anything and just gave an unnatural smile.

“UHHHHH… OKAY!? DID HE SEND YOU OVER HERE TO GET SOME MOLLY AND A TOM COLLINS?! I KNOW MY GUYYYYYY!”

Ellie was able to get a quick glance of Mark in the crowd. He was leaning on another girl and looked like he was about to pass out. It definitely wasn’t the best idea to get him more wasted and buy products that were a health risk for both him and his friends.

“No.”

“OH OKAY! WELL, DO YOU WANT SOME MOLLY? HEROIN?! I GOT IT ALL, MY DUDETTE!”

Ellie quickly scanned her data to figure out what was in said drugs. “I am not capable of ingesting those products, nor would I want to do that to my body if I was.”

He laughed. “YEAH! IT TAKES A WHILE TO GET USED TO! TRUST ME!”

She looked down to a sharp and shiny object he was holding. “What is that you have there?” Ellie asked.

He gave her a confused look before looking down at his right hand. “OH! JUST A BROKEN PIECE OF MIRROR!” 

“Why would you carry that around?” Ellie started to wonder if she should grab something to protect herself too if a large man like him thought it was a good idea.

“I COULDN’T FIND ANYTHING TO BREAK UP COKE LINES SO I JUST BROKE A MIRROR!!! GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO!” 

“Can I have it?”

He laughed again. “COKE?! SURE! IT’S 100 BUCKS PER GRAM!” 

“Oh, no. I do not want Coca-Cola.” She pointed to the mirror shard. “I would like that.”

“...THE PIECE OF MIRROR?! DO YOU HAVE YOUR OWN COKE ALREADY?! MAN, THAT’S COOL!”

She wanted to stop talking with this guy already but she really wanted that piece of mirror for a specific reason she came up with last minute. The Ellie that was tortured by Steelbeak was in the past. “Yes, I have coke already.” She lied. “May I have the shard now?”

“NAH!” He shook his head. “DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR ME TO FIND THIS?! ALL THE MIRRORS ARE ALREADY DESTROYED AND TAKEN AROUND HERE!”

Guess coke was a common thing at this rave.

Ellie sighed, taking out the 200 dollars Mark had given her. “How about now?”

His jaw dropped. “YOOOOOO WHAAAAAAAA?????” He shoved the shard in her hand before ripping the money out of her other hand. “DEAL! PEACE OUT, DUDETTE!!!!” Running over to his drug dealer friends, he waved the money in the air to show it off. He immediately got tackled by another guy who snagged it from him but whatever.

It took Ellie longer than she had hoped, but she finally found the ladies’ restroom. She entered, slamming the door shut behind her. She could hear people doing very unorthodox things in the stalls but she didn’t care. At the moment she solely focused on her hair, taking down her bun for the first time and throwing the hair tie onto the sticky tile.

Her mind had gone fuzzy and what she was doing wasn’t completely in her control. It was a dream. A dream where her decision made little sense.

After a minute of hesitating, Ellie grabbed a lock of her hair and chopped it off around chin length (more like sawed it off because it was difficult as hell.) And then she grabbed another piece and did the same. And then another. And another. Each piece she cut was a completely crazy and uneven mess and to be honest she almost looked as insane as the other people at the party now. Putting her hair in a bun to hide the sudden decision wasn’t even an option anymore.

She dropped the shard and started giggling, yet it was drowned out by the other people in the restroom.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After what felt like hours of raving, Mark finally realized that Ellie was nowhere to be seen and had not returned with his hoverboard. He put two and two together when he felt his legs hurting from all the dancing and moving. He didn’t want to be a buzzkill so he kind of did a weird shuffle rave dance thing around the entire room to look for her. She wasn’t there.

“YOOOOO!” J-chainz was at the bar. “THE HELL YOU GOING MAN? YOU CAN’T LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE, DIPSHIT!” 

“J-CHAINZZZZZZ, QUEEN, I’M NOT LEAVING! THE RAVE JUST STARTED! I’M JUST LOOKING FOR ELLIE. HAVE YOU SEEN HER?”

“WHO THE HELL IS THAT?!” 

“BRO MY GIRLFRIEND! I CAME HERE WITH HER!”

“OH, THE MILF?! NO I HAVEN’T SEEN HER!” 

“DAMN… ALRIGHT I’LL BE BACK IN A BIT THEN!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie was on the roof for the past few hours to look at the stars. Nevermind the fact there was a drug circle and a homeless man also there but they were a good ways away and left her alone.

She didn’t notice them anyway because she was too busy giggling to herself as she rested her chin on her fist and admired the view of the city that was sorta rebuilt. 

It took him awhile but eventually Mark decided to check the roof. His first idea was that she wouldn’t be up there, but he could use the roof as a high point to look for her.

“Ellie?!” Mark yelled, running towards her. “Duck Jesus I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Why did you leave? Oh, hey your hair… Ellie are you alright?” His first thought was that she was high.

She continued chuckling. “I know. I did it on purpose.” 

Mark gave her a weird look. “Are you high or something?”

“How?” She laughed, still looking ahead at the city. The mansion was pretty high up on a hill similar to the McDuck manor, just not as lavish. 

Oh right. Mark didn’t think about the fact that she literally couldn’t get high. “So why are you acting… different?”

“I am just happy. I left the old Ellie behind. The one with all the issues.” 

He nodded slowly. “...should I call Ms. Kris for you?” He asked quietly.

“No! The new me has no issues and I know Ms. Kris does not like us. I do not like her either.” 

Mark ignored that, he wanted to be in denial and think that there was one adult in his life that thought he was cool. You know, besides his rave friends. “Would you like to go home?”

“No. I am having fun.” 

“Okayyyyyyy?” He sat down beside her, still giving her a worried look. “Did you have fun at your first rave?”

“Absolutely! A man gave me a glass shard for 200 dollars which I think is a steal.” 

“The same 200 that I gave you?”

She nodded, continuing to giggle. 

He sighed. “Okay, Ellie, we should probably go home now.”

“Why?” She laughed. 

Mark didn’t know what to do so he just sat next to her while she continued to do whatever the hell she was doing for a few minutes. 

She finally quieted down after a bit and put her head in her hands. “...oh, gosh.” She whispered before looking over at him. “I apologize. I do not know… what happened.” 

“Oh hey, it’s chill.” Mark scooted closer and wrapped an arm around her. “What’s up? That was a little cray.”

“I honestly am not quite sure. It’s all a bit fuzzy but I…” She trailed off and didn’t continue. She had no idea where she was going with that. 

“Was it from the rave? Shit, Ellie, if it was I’m sorry. I remember my first rave; it was so insane! I probably should’ve given you a better heads up. That’s a my b on my end.”

“No. It’s not that.” She scooted away from him. “Sorry, I do not want to be touched right now. It’s not you.” 

Mark put his hands up like he was surrendering “Oh hey, no ish. I said this already but we can leave if you want.”

She ignored that and decided to just come clean before they left. “It is just from all the torture I’ve been through, Mark. I can’t stop thinking about it. Sometimes it’s like I am experiencing it all over again.” She paused. “I guess, in the moment, I thought if I cut my hair I could just forget but I suppose that did not go over so well.”

“Shit…” Mark was no therapist, that’s why he’s been clinging to the idea of therapy for a while. “Should I call someone? Ms. Kris? My personal hairstylist? I dunno what to do here.”

“Ms. Kris at 2 am?” She asked. The two sat in silence for another minute before Ellie continued. “We can’t fix “us” because of me, Mark…” 

“Woah hey don’t talk like that, Ellie! That’s what therapy is for, right? We can figure this out, ‘kay?”

She sighed and stood up. Bringing this up with Mark wasn’t a good idea on her half, she was just stressing him out more and tearing them apart. “Can we just… go?” 

Mark got up too. “Yeah we can leave. Sorry that tonight was a total bust."

“It’s alright.” She said. “It is just because I have a stick up my ass, correct?” 

“Ummmmm…” Mark didn’t know how to respond to that. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head. It was going to be a long car ride home.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie:

Gloria:


	3. Glomgold The Therapist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long since I wrote this act (my friend and I are on act 5... literally. Quarantine has done something to us and my mental state is nothing but an old carton of milk) so I forgot whatever this chapter was about and had to reread it, haha! Glomgold is such an animal and is so fun to write and these scenes with him left my mind. He just gets more insane the more we write him. His character morphed so much from Act 1 and he became a literal animal. I don't know what happened.

Mark sat in Ms. Kris’ office. Alone. After last night’s events, with the rave and Ellie’s haircut breakdown, the two had gone to an emergency therapy session in the morning. After hearing the story, Ms. Kris thought it was a good idea to talk to them separately. Ellie had already gone so she was in the waiting room while Mark was in his current shit show of a situation with a woman he didn’t necessarily think was the best therapist. 

“I know I’ve already heard the story,” She started, much to Mark’s disappointment. A part of him hoped she wouldn’t talk and they would just chill in some nice silence so he could check Twitter. He really wanted some praise from fangirls to cheer him up at the moment. “But I would like to hear your version of events. Your opinion on it, if you will. And how it did- does affect you. I know that’s a lot to think about so you can begin wherever you want.” 

“Well, to be honest with you I was lowkey drunk the entire night but I sobered up enough when I found Ellie on the roof and when I drove us home. I dunno, when I found her she was just laughing to herself. It was freaking me out. Then she snapped out of it and then we left. That was about it.” Mark was checking his phone for the time every 5 minutes. Therapy was awkward with Ellie in the room but now it was even worse when he was alone.

She nodded. Ms. Kris ran out of paper within 15 minutes after they showed up so she was writing on the back of old notebooks now. “Okay. Well… how does the situation affect you? How do you feel? I know it’s hard but if I’m going to help you I need you to open up more.” The question was broad as hell so Mark was even more nervous. Dude was put on the spot. 

It was so easy for him to talk to Steelbeak he wasn’t sure why he was having a rough time talking to his actual therapist. Maybe it was because he was close to dying? Who knows with this man. “Not Gucci I guess… I mean, I was really excited for us to go to a rave together and I hated that it backfired like it did. Ellie was pretty mad at me the whole ride home. We really haven’t spoken much afterwards. I just hate that she’s still struggling with the whole dictator thing…”

“Her being upset at the rave isn’t your fault. PTSD works in many ways and there was something there that triggered her which sadly she wasn’t willing to share…” Ms. Kris trailed off for a second. “Does the dictatorship affect you? You never talk about it and I know you were kidnapped as well.” 

“Eh, not really? It probably should but I’ve been kidnapped a couple of times so after the first few you get used to it I guess. Plus I’m rich so I knew I would get out of it somehow.” 

Ms. Kris wasn’t go to comment on that last part because it was just plain stupid. But that was just Mark. “Okay. I have one more question for you before I start giving you my own advice. Why do you want to repair the relationship with Ellie? Why do you care for her?” 

“Well, she’s been the only one who actually cares about me and not social media me, ya dig? Typically people only like the image of me that I have of myself online but Ellie doesn’t care about any of that and… I dunno, it’s refreshing I guess. God, I could probably write a book, ew books I know, about all the things I love about her but I’m like, not a one-on-one people talker? Could I instead send you a pdf or something? I could make a really long Twitter post and dm it to you. Could that work?”

“Anything you like about her personality…?”

“...uhhhh….?”

“Let’s just move on.” Ms. Kris was still waiting for them to break up. She was a pretty shit therapist.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was 11 am and Glomgold finally decided to waddle on down the mansion steps. “OI! ROBO-BABEH! MAKE ME BREAKFAST!” He cockroach crawled over to the kitchen when he didn’t get the response he wanted. “ROBO BABEH? UGH! BEAKS?! UGHHHHHHHHH!” 

Great. Now he had to make breakfast himself like an unrich person. What was the word? Oh yeah. Poor. 

It took him a while, but Glomgold managed to get the bread and put it in the oven at the highest temperature. He didn’t know toasters were a thing and he didn’t know ovens could work at another temperature other than “high”.

The smell of burnt toast became strong within one minute. His own smell didn’t help. He still hadn’t taken a shower after his 2 month homeless rodeo. While he was cooking he managed to figure out how the Alexa worked and asked her to play loud bagpipe music while he “cooked”. While toast was burning he also thought it would be a good idea to knock some flour over. He thought it was sugar? I dunno his reasoning. I guess he wanted sugar toast. Well anyways he made a huge mess.

The toast was pitch black when he took it out, leaving the oven on, mind you. He dropped the burnt pieces of good old bread into the pile of flour on the floor before eating it. “MMMMM DELICIOUS! GO MEEEEE!” He laughed. “SCROOGIE CANNY COOK LIKE THISSSSS! FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD IS THE BEST CHEF IN THE WORLLLLLLLDD!” A decision was made. After his glorious brunch he would crawl on back to his bed and sleep for the rest of the day. Not his bed, Mark and Ellie’s bed. The guest bed sucked. 

And then at night he could play Fortnite and COD. Oh, and also plan on how to kill Scrooge next now that he wasn’t a dictator God anymore. He was still a God in his heart. Needless to say, his schedule and mindset was PERFECT. 

Suddenly the bright fluorescent turned on, causing Glomgold to hiss like a feral rat.

“Uncle Glomgold? What are you doing?” Ellie had entered the kitchen with Mark to investigate the loud bang and smell of burning. The first thing she did was turn the oven off. She didn’t even need to look at it to know what Glomgold did. 

“COOKING BREAKFAST! NOW MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” He patted at his kilt that was covered in flour. His bagpipe music ended on Alexa much to his dismay.

“...okay then. I’ll clean up after you.” Ellie sighed. 

Glomgold figured it was clean up time so he pitched himself a cup of water that he immediately spilled on the burnt toast and flour. He thought that was enough cleaning for the day.

Mark couldn’t help but laugh and take a picture of it to tweet about.

“Uncle Glomgold, do you want me to make you brunch instead? That didn’t look like the best meal.” 

“OI! I AM A GREAT COOK! I DON’T NEED YOOOOOOOOOOH!” He laughed to himself. When his evil laugh died down and he saw that Ellie was still staring at him, he finally budged. He was still pretty hungry. “Okay, fine.” He waddled over to his chair that was specifically for him (he had a plaid napkin and everything). There were books on top of his chair to make him appear taller on the table. His doodle paper and sharpie was laid out for him so he started to draw Scrooge being electrocuted by evil robot sharks.

Waving Mark off to join Glomgold, Ellie said “I’ll make you brunch too.” and that was about it.

After drawing his first doodle, he passed it over the table to show Mark. “DO YOU LIKE IT, BEAKSSSSSS?! THIS IS MY NEW EVIL PLAN TO TAKE DOWN SCROOGE MCDUCK MUAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Sadly, Mark took the sheet of paper. “Uh yeah. It’s a shit plan.” Taking a picture, he immediately posted it and tagged Louie. 

Glomgold scowled at him. “THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOOH?!” He asked that not only because Mark insulted his 11/10 art piece, but also because Mark wasn’t taking as many selfies as usual… not that Glomgold cared or anything. He just wanted to get in everyone’s goddamn business. Yeah… 

“Nothing?” He gave him a look before returning his attention back to his phone.

“WHATCHA MEAN “NOTHIN”? DIPSHIT!” 

“Don’t you have, like, a tree or something you can fall out of? Go away!”

“NO! THIS IS MY MANSION TOO YA KNOW!!!! I AM YOUR UNCLE IN LAW!” 

“THIS ISN’T YOUR MANSION, IT’S MINE! NOW PISS OFF OLD MAN!” He rolled his eyes and started ranting about how stupid his “uncle in law” was to his twitter fans who would care.

“OLD MAN?! WHO YOO CALLING OLD MAN!???” Glomgold jumped on the table and started throwing silverwear. A fork hit Ellie as she walked in with two plates of food. And no, she didn’t respond to that or bothered to ask what in Duck Jesus’ name was going on. She just wanted to read her mathematics book and solve math problems. Damn. 

Glomgold looked over at Ellie and the plates of food and grabbed a fistful of it to throw at Mark. “HA! YOO LOOK SOOOOOOO STUPID NOW! HAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE! THIS SHIRT WAS, LIKE, I DUNNO HOW MUCH BUT A LOT OF MONEY! #RUDE!” 

G-gold ignored him and looked at Ellie who was just sort of standing there, waiting for a good oppurtunity to just walk out. She still looked like shit after the whole hair thing; Mark had yet to call his personal hairstylist.

“WOW! YOU LOOK STUPID TOO, ROBO BABEH!” 

“Thank you.” Her response was bland. “I am going to go read. I trust you two can take care of your own dishes?” 

Glomgold shoved her before she could leave “OI! WHERE WERE YOO GUYS ANYWAYS?! I KNOW YOO TOLD ME BUT I FORGOT!” 

Ellie’s shirt was now covered in flour after he had pushed her. His hand prints were very prominent. “If you indeed need the reminder, we went to a therapy session but we are back now so it is of no issue to you.” 

Glomgold blinked slowly at her. One eye closed before the other. “...WHY DO YOO GO TO THERAPY?!” All of this was probably said to him at some point but he either wasn’t listening or he didn’t care.

“We went to speak of past events and our current relationship, Uncle Glomgold.” Ellie stated. “Do you want me to run you a bath, by the way. You are rather filthy.” 

He blinked slowly again before coughing up some flour. He swallowed it again. “YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP!? HAHAHAHAHA! THAT’S STUPID! YOU’RE ONLY WITH US ROBO BABEH SO WE CAN BOSS YOU AROUND! THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP!” 

Glomgold did view Ellie as family, he was just being a little bitch because he was stupid. And also very pissed Ellie wasn’t going to do his dishes. 

“DO ME DAMN DISHES OR I’M GOING TO SMASH THE PLATE INSTEAD SO I DON’T HAVE TO CLEAN IT!” This man was homeless but he still expected to be pampered. 

Mark was starting to get really pissed off. Going to therapy was starting to get to him just because he wasn’t used to it. He was getting on edge and Glomgold being around wasn’t helping. He slammed his phone on the table before turning his attention to Glomgold. “GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP, GLOMGOLD! YOU’RE SO ANNOYING AND NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!” He then turned his attention to Ellie “And can you PLEASE stop talking to him?! You’re only encouraging it!” His tone was ruder than he wanted it to be but yeah he snapped at her.

“Encouraging him?” Ellie’s voice raised but not the point she was yelling quite yet. “I am simply trying to be a good family member. Sometimes family can be a little unnerving but atleast I am trying. You know he would continue rambling whether I was here or not.” 

“What was that comment about family being unnerving so you’re trying?! What is that supposed to mean? You think I’m not trying or something?!”

Ellie took a step forward and crossed her arms. Mark just bled that shit out of proportion. “What?! That was not what I was implying but now that you mention it, no I do not think you are!” She snapped. “Give me one example of you “trying”. Does your definition of “trying” mean continuing to tweet about all your issues and go to high end raves to take “good” selfies? I swear. Therapy is not helping you at all. You still only care for attention!” 

“I have been trying! I tried helping you out after the rave when you went all weirdo on me!” Mark copied Ellie and crossed his arms too.

Glomgold started clapping. “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! OYYYYY! FIGHT!”

“Helped me at the rave?! Oh that’s rich! All you said was “do you need me to call someone? You’re acting weird!” That was very helpful!” 

He rolled his eyes. “I should’ve just stayed at the party and let you sulk or whatever it was that you were doing up there! I was having a great time with my buddies!”

That was it. Ellie shoved him. He had to catch himself on the table to prevent himself from falling onto the ground. “YES! YOU SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME TO SULK BUT YOU DID NOT AND I KNOW WHY YOU DIDN’T! YOU COULDN’T WORK UP THE GUTS TO LEAVE ME AND YOU STILL CAN’T BECAUSE YOU NEED TECHNOLOGY IN YOUR LIFE! I AM LIKE YOUR DAMN PHONE, AREN’T I? I’M JUST SOME COOL MACHINE YOU CAN’T LOOK AWAY FROM BECAUSE YOU HAVE SOME WEIRD FETISH! I SAID THE SAME THING IN AGARTHA AND I WAS RIGHT THIS ENTIRE TIME! TELL ME I’M WRONG! I DARE YOU! YOU WOULD LEAVE ME IN A SECOND IF I WASN’T A ROBOT!” 

Glomgold was thriving off of this. He did an evil chuckle and rubbed his hands together like a fly. “Fight my henchmen, fightttt. Yesssssss.” 

“UGH! That is SO not true and you know it! God you’re just twisting everything around! You know what, no one is asking you to stay here so if you’re so mad at me, the door is right fucking there! And take your ugly ass uncle with you! You say that therapy isn’t helping me at all, well look at you! You think you’re doing way better than I am!? You look like shit with your awful ass haircut and you come into MY mansion and tell me that I’m the awful one here!”

“Okay! I’ll go ahead and get my things and wait for you to look for me a week later when Gloria texts you that I’m missing. Then you’ll come looking for me just because you are a goddamn pushover that can’t be independent! I LOATHE everything about you! You’re so apathetic and absolutely NOTHING affects you. I bet Boyd could get kidnapped again and you would shrug it off and go get yourself a margarita like you did when I was being tortured for days! You’re sick! I fucking hate you!” 

Mark slammed his hands on the table before standing up to get right in Ellie’s face. “Okay you know what, Ellie? I thought therapy was going to help us but I guess I was wrong about that! I tried but whatever I guess! I really hate you too right about now and like I said, there’s the goddamn door! Feel free to let it hit you on the way out! I’m so sick of this shit and I honestly can’t even give a shit about what you say anymore soooo…”

“I SHOULD HAVE LET STEELBEAK KILL YOU!” 

“I SHOULD’VE LET STEELBEAK KILL YOU TOO! ANYTHING WOULD BE BETTER THAN HAVING TO DEAL WITH YOU!”

“OH? STAYING WITH ME IS THE ULTIMATE TORTURE?! WELL LOOKS LIKE I’LL BE CAMPING AROUND HERE A LITTLE LONGER!” She laughed before pulling the collar of his shirt so their foreheads were touching. “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? DESTROY ME?! DO IT!” 

This was it. Glomgold had been waiting for this! To see them throw hands and kill each other! Mark didn’t respond to her. The two of them just stared at each other until Mark made the first move by going in for an intense make out session. There was so much tension in the air you could cut it with a knife. Glomgold was not expecting that, oh damn. Ellie continued to grip at Mark’s shirt collar while Mark wrapped his arms around her waist and deepened the kiss much to Glomgold’s dismay. 

Glomgold covered his eyes with his hands “OY! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DOING?! KILL EACH OTHER! EW!” They both ignored him. 

Ellie broke the kiss to look up at Mark. “I believe I love you because I hate you. You are stupid, apathetic, self-centered, tech obsessed and seek so much attention that it drives me insane. But I adore it.” She placed a hand on his cheek to rub her thumb across it. 

Ew. It was rom-com time again.

Mark was about to either respond or just make out with her again. It didn’t matter because Glomgold stopped that shit real quick. He squirmed his round little body in between them to break them up. “ENOUGH! I WANTED YOU TWO TO MURDER NOT DO WOTEVER THAT WAS!” They were already separated from each other but he shoved Mark away just for good measure.

Ellie placed a hand on her Uncle’s shoulder. “Thank you for being annoying, Uncle Glomgold. It is much appreciated. We really needed that fight to understand each other.” She smiled. 

“Ellie we found something in common! We both get on each other's nerves! You’re right, we love each other because we hate each other. It makes so much sense to me now.” Mark reached over Glomgold to hold her hand. They were literally holding hands above Glomgold’s head. “That and you don’t know the concept of money and fame and whatever because you’re pretty dumb too! #dumbbuddies!”

Ellie squeezed his hand back and smiled, her circuits warming up. Their relationship was really fucking weird.

Glomgold screamed before shoving Mark again. “I’M OUTTA HERE, BITCHESSSSSS! IF I CAN’T FORM AN ARMY OF HENCHMEN FROM YOO THEN I’LL GO AND STEAL SOME OF THOSE LIGHT BULB THINGIES THAT ONE GUY HAS! GLOMGOLD OUT!” With that, Glomgold scattered climbing out the open window despite the front door being right there and unlocked. He fell into a bush.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Okay, Boyd.” Gyro handed Boyd the lightsaber Gloria wanted to make. Gloria and him worked on it all night together in the lab and Boyd was getting a kick out of it. “We can’t call it a lightsaber because that can be copywritten so you get to name it. Sound good?” 

The weapon could slice through anything but he gave it to the kid anyway. It was probably less dangerous than his laser eyes. 

“Cool!” Boyd clicked the button on the side of the lightsaber to turn it on. He waved it around like he was fighting something. “Could we call it the Sun Sword? That sounds pretty cool!”

“Uh no, that sounds rad as fuck!” Gloria corrected. Boyd looked at the Sun Sword for another minute before turning it off and handing it back to Gyro.

“I know! Thanks mom!” Boyd paused for a second. “Oh, sorry Aunt Gloria! I got my names mixed up!” 

Gloria froze, her whole mood just shifted but she tried to manage a fake smile. “Oh um, it’s alright, Boyd… Umm I’m just gonna go do some paperwork or something for a bit.” She left to go sit in Gyro’s office before either one of them could respond.

Gyro knew exactly what was bothering her. He turned back to Boyd, handing him his own phone. “You must miss your mom, huh?”

Boyd frowned and nodded. 

“Okay. Why don’t you give her a call real quick. I’ll be right back in a few minutes, okay?”

That made Boyd feel a lot better. “Okay! Thanks!” 

Gyro made sure he could manage to work the phone, which he obviously could since he was a robot so Gyro lowkey felt like an idiot. Which he is but whatever.

He walked over to his office and knocked politely before entering anyway. He was like a mom who knocked for no reason and just walked in without an answer. “Hey… you alright?” It was going to be a no, whether she was going to say it or not. He sat on the ground beside her. Gloria was sitting criss cross applesauce at the base of the desk. 

Gloria wiped her eyes and looked up at him “I dunno what just happened back there, God…” She left pretty quickly so she was also hoping that Boyd wasn’t feeling guilty for anything.

“No. I get it.” He placed a hand on her knee. “I know that… it just reminded you. It reminded me too.” 

Gloria started crying again “I didn’t freak him out or anything, right? I just- I just hate how hard this is!”

“No! God, no!” Gyro waved his hands frantically. “He didn’t notice. I gave him my phone to make a call and he was content.” There was a bit of silence, kind of silence because the air conditioning was loud as hell, before he continued. “I… shouldn’t have offered to keep him all weekend. I really pushed it. I love Boyd but it’s starting to remind me more and more too…I’m sorry.” 

Gloria looked up at him again. “It is?” He mentioned it a few times at therapy but I guess she still wasn't fully aware that Boyd was also causing these problems for him too.

“I mean yeah… he calls me Dr. Dad but I was supposed to be a parent to someone else…” That sounded terrible to say because he literally created Boyd. “I guess I’m just a bit selfish. He doesn’t depend on me as much as he does Ellie which just gets to me. Lil bulb depends on me more than he does. Sometimes I wonder if he is still upset that I was going to shut him down back in Japan.” 

She shook her head “No I don’t think he’s upset with you, Gyro. He’s a sweet kid and he doesn’t seem like the kind to hold grudges.”

“Yeah. I know. I programmed him that way.” There was the snarky tone we all know. “But I can’t help but trick myself into believing that. Just like how I trick myself into thinking Star Wars is good. I mean… the unreasonable science...” 

Gloria forced a laugh before going back to how she was. “It’s been months since it happened… I know this may sound awful but why can’t I just move on? I want to move on but I can’t! It’s on my mind 24/7 and I wish things can kind of go back to normal for the both of us.” She brought her knees up and hugged her legs.

He thought about that for a moment. “...I think we’re having trouble moving on because we keep avoiding talking about it outside of therapy. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to talk about it either, but Ms. Kris insists we need to to move forward or something.” Gyro looked at Gloria. “To be honest… I don’t really like that woman but whatever. I wonder if she went to community college or an actual university. A community college would explain a lot.” Gyro really just went there. Damn. 

“Well if she can help get us through this then I guess it wouldn’t really matter now would it?”

“I don’t get what she’s saying though. Do we just wake up and during breakfast say ‘Hey, remember that time? Are you depressed too?’” He scoffed. “That is almost as illogical as fire in space.”

“Yeah I know…” She sighed before continuing “Gyro, do you think we should even try to have another kid anymore? Maybe it’s too soon to talk about and I’m sorry if it is but… I don’t know. I think we would need more time if we ever did.”

He adjusted his Gucci looking glasses. “...are you asking if I want to try again now? ...is that what you want?” Damn. This got awkward, but he was eager for her answer. 

“We talked about it a little at Miss Glamour’s house but we left it open, and that we would talk about it more when the whole dictatorship thing was over. Well, it’s over. I don’t know if it would solve anything or just make it worse.”

“I suppose we never came to a conclusion, huh?” He honestly had no idea what to say. Gyro didn’t even consider if having another kid would affect them negatively at all before. He cleared his throat to try to sound like a man and not a twink ass bitch. “If you want me to be honest here… I still want a kid.” Hopefully that wasn’t insensitive, but she did ask. 

“I do too, I just… don’t want anything to happen this time.” Her eyes started to water again just from thinking about it. “Lots of things keep happening to us. What if the baby is born and then something bad happens?!”

Fuck. Gyro was no man for tears. He could barely comfort himself when his favorite anime character dies. He finally decided to suck it up and scootch over, bring her into a hug. “Everything’s over. Duckburg is back to normal, Glomgold is… Glomgold. Nothing is going to happen. I mean, hey, we’re even going on a cruise so if Duckburg goes crazy again we won’t have to deal with it. We can always just move to Japan.” Yeah. Gyro had beef in Japan but he could speak the language like a pro. And they had crazy good science technology. As Gloria continued to sob into his shirt, he started to rub her back. “Duckburg is a wild place but nothing like that dictatorship and plague is ever going to happen again. The worst of it is over and it’ll stay that way. Scrooge will handle whatever comes next, if anything comes next. He always does.” 

It took Gloria a moment to recollect herself before she spoke up again “Yeah, I guess you’re right…”

“If you want to try again, we can. If not, that’s okay too…” 

“We can try again but… maybe not right now. I mean, look at me? I can’t really handle myself right now after everything that just happened. I’m not throwing the idea out the window. I just think it would be better if we waited a bit longer. But what about Boyd? You just got him back, I don’t want to ruin that for you two.”

“Gloria, it’s fine! I get it! I can always visit him on my own time.” 

Boyd could be heard screaming in the main room before the door to the office busted open. 

“WHAT’S UP, BITCHESSSS! TOP DADDY IS HERE!”

Gyro screamed like a girl. “HOW DID YOU GET PAST THE SECURITY?!” 

Glomgold scuttled over and shoved Gyro. “MIND YOUR BUSINESS, NERRRRRD!” He stopped when he saw his arms around Gloria. “EW! ARE YOU TWO GETTING ROMANTIC TOO?! STOP!” 

Gloria wiped her eyes again. “Get the fuck out of here, dumbass!”

“NOOOOO! I NEED A ROBOT ARMY TO TAKE DOWN SCROOGE!” He spat in her face.

Gyro scoffed. “THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A ROBOT ARMY YOU TOOK OVER DUCKBURG AND USED THEM TO KILL PEOPLE!”

“AND?! I DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM, TWINK!” Glomgold went behind his desk and started to rummage through paperwork “NOW WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE LITTLE LIGHT BULB THINGIES?”

Gyro finally stood up. “They follow my commands, not yours, so go away.” 

Glomgold ignored that and continued rummaging through drawers. He stopped when he heard Gloria sniffle. He smelled the air like he could pick up on it’s scent before scuttling over to her on all fours. “WHY ARE YOOH CRYING?!” 

Gloria wanted to yell at him to mind his own business but she thought that maybe if she told him the ugly truth, he would get so weirded out and awkward that he would just leave them alone. “Gyro and I lost a kid and now we are thinking about having another. Is there anything else you would like to know before I kick your ugly ass out of here myself?”

“Oh...I see...I LOST MY SANDWICH ONCE!” He scratched his beard. “BEING SAD OVER CHILDREN IS STUPID! THEY TAKE UP TOO MUCH OF THE POPULATION! THE MORE DEAD, THE BETTER! YOU DID THE WORLD A FAVOR, I SAY! AND I’M RIGHT BECAUSE I’M FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!” 

Gloria gasped at his comment and covered her mouth with her hand. Usually she would have a snarky remark for something like that but that was a little too far.

Gyro shoved Glomgold. “HOW DARE YOU! GET OUT! NOW!”

“DON’T YOU TOUCH ME! YOU’RE GOING TO TURN ME INTO A NERD!” He turned back to Gloria. “I SAY SUCK IT UP AND STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH! THERE’S TOO MANY LITTLE BITCHES IN THE WORLD AND IT’S ANNOYING! GET OVER IT!” 

Gyro was about to snap at him again before Gloria cut him off. “No… you’re right, Glomgold.”

“What?!”

“I AM?! OH UH I MEAN, OF COURSE I AM! MUAHAHA!”

“Yep you’re right. I need to stop crying and quit being a little bitch over nothing. You are soooooo right.”

“Oh… I see…” He pulled on Gyro’s shirt like a child. “CAN I GET LIGHT BULBS NOW?!”

“NO!”

“I HATE YOU!” Glomgold scuttered out like a cockroach and Boyd screamed again. “SHUT UP, UGLY GRANDCHILD!” The doors slammed behind him as he exited. What he was doing next was unknown.

Gyro looked down at Gloria, confused. “You’re not serious, are you?” 

“No of course not. I figured if he thought he was right about something he would leave us alone.”

“...I guess you were right.” He held out his hand. “Hey, how about we drop off Boyd at Mark’s place a few hours early,” Mark’s name was said with a scowl. “And then go grab some dinner.”

Gloria took his hand and stood up. “Yeah okay.” She smiled again. She still wasn’t 100% but she was glad to get some of that off of her chest.

Gyro smiled back.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Comments are welcome :)


	4. Justice Jammies

Laying on his Gucci heated water bed, Glomgold tossed and turned. He was snuggling with his pink crab stuffed animal that matched his pajamas. His shirt was pink with glittered lettering that said “Crabby In The Morning” and had a little pocket to his toy. And you can’t forget the matching cartoon crab pajama shorts. Ellie had picked the outfit out for him at Justice so he would stop wearing her pajamas. He would’ve preferred plaid but whatever I guess. At least he got a stuffed animal that he could chew on when he was bored. 

The high tech grandfather clock ticked slowly and it was getting on his fucking nerves. His beard twitched with each tik and tok. Enough was enough. “OI! TIK TOK TIK TOK! THAT’S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” He threw Crabby, that’s what he named his toy, at the clock and when nothing happened he crawled over and pushed it over before stomping on it and then teething on it. He didn’t stop until the noise ceaser. “YESSSS! DIEEEEE, CLOCK, DIEEEE! JUST LIKE SCROOOOGIE!” 

The room was silent.

“...Oh, I see... “ Glomgold picked his nose before eating the booger. “Wot do I do now?” 

That was a good question indeed. If he couldn’t sleep the only option he had was to break into Mark and Ellie’s bedroom again. Yes, again.

They put a child lock on it but nothing worked so they eventually just gave up. Glomgold always either ate or gnawed his way through whatever barrier was in his way. One night he smashed through the window.

“Oi. Let’s go, Crabby.” Grabbing the pink stuffed animal crab he deemed as female, he stuffed it in his pajama pouch (that made him look like a kangaroo) and cockroach crawled down the mansion hallway. He never memorized which room was theirs so checking every room took him about an hour. It should’ve been obvious because Mark always left a hoverboard outside the room so he didn’t have to walk to the kitchen but Glomgold was too stupid to notice that. 

After 20 minutes of roaming around the mansion, Glomgold finally found their room again. He opened the door a little too loud, without any consideration that people were sleeping.

After Mark And Ellie’s fight over the weekend, they had been more romantic than ever, bonding over their hatred for one another, and it grossed the hell out of Glomgold. They were currently sleeping in one another’s arms.

Glomgold gagged.

Moving on. Mark had set up a dog crate in the corner for Glomgold so he would stop jumping in their bed. It had more stuffed animals, your common Petsmart 20 dollar dog bed bed, a blanket from Duckmart, and even a water bowl. 

Glomgold nodded to himself, being content with his part-time bed, and scuttled over to the crate. He licked some water from the bowl before turning around about 5 times to get comfortable. He finally laid down, snuggling up to his crab toy and other array of stuffed animals that were partially chewed. “Mmmm, goodnight, Crabby.” Glomgold whispered, making sure to stick his thumb in his mouth for that extra comfort. 

After about, like, 30 seconds he heard soft crying from the other side of the room. “WOT?! OI! SHUT THE FUCK UP! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP HERE!” He threw Crabby at Mark and Ellie to try to shut them up. It took him a minute but he realized that he couldn’t sleep without crabby now so he would have to crawl onto their bed anyways and retrieve it.

On all fours, in the pitch black dark, Glomgold crawled over to the bed. And yes, he did bump into many things along the way and broke some of Mark’s tech but he gave no shits. When he felt the bed, he crawled up the side like a roach, being able to attach himself to it at a 90 degree angle. He scampered across the bed, feeling around for the sparkly pink crab with cute eyelashes. 

When he finally retrieved his prized possession the crying grew louder. “I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!” As if he didn’t learn his lesson the first time, Glomgold threw the crab plush again, hitting Ellie right in the face. Good shot considering he was aiming in the dark. 

That was finally what set Ellie off and she shot up, letting out a horrified scream. 

“I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP! DON’T MAKE ME REPEAT MYSELF, ROBO-BABEH! NOW GIMME CRABBY!” 

Mark finally woke up. He groaned and flicked on the nearby lamp to see what the hell was happening. When Mark saw Glomgold yet again on his bed he kicked at him as if he was a wild animal. “GLOMGOLD GET OUT!” Kicking wasn’t solving anything.

“NOOOOO! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO SET UP THE BED FOR ME, BEAKS! I WOULDN’T HAVE COME UP HERE IF YOU TWO WEREN’T BEING SO LOUD!” 

“YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE BEING LOUD! NOW GET OFF!” Mark grabbed his pillow and wacked Glomgold with it like a pre-teen girl at a sleepover.

Glomgold hissed, catching the pillow in his mouth before throwing it back at Mark. “I AM NOT THE ONE WHO STARTED IT! I THREW CRABBY FOR A REASON!” 

“WHAT’S YOUR REASONING THEN?!” Mark didn’t really care, he just wanted to go back to sleep but he figured that if he let Glomgold say what he needed to say, he would eventually leave or tire himself out.

“EITHER YOOH OR ROBO-BABEH WERE CRYING LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!”

Ellie wiped her eyes and sniffled even though she couldn’t actually shed tears. “Uncle Glomgold, can you please leave?” 

Glomgold poked his finger at her face. “SO IT WAS YOOOOOOOOOHHHH!”

She didn’t respond to that, instead she scooted back so he wasn’t centimeters from her face because the spit flying on her was pretty gross. 

Glomgold blinked at her. When he saw, or rather heard, that it was quiet again he hopped off the bed and went back into his kennel.

“Hey, are you alright?” Mark whispered. He wanted to keep his voice low as to not wake the terror that was Flintheart Glomgold.

Ellie slid her hands down her face before laying back down again. Living with Glomgold made everything 10x worse, especially when he snored in the corner of the room and occasionally barked. “Yes. I apologize; it was just another nightmare. I am fine, I promise.”

Glomgold growled a little in his sleep. Luckily they were quiet enough to not disturb him. He probably was just chasing a possum in his dream or something. Either that or throwing Scrooge into a vat of acid. There really was no inbetween in his wacky mind.

“Shit Ellie… isn’t that like, the fourth one this week?”

“Fifth, actually.” And it was only Thursday. “I am just… going to shut down again, okay?” 

“Wait wait before you do, I just thought of something because I’m a genius. What if I just erased those memories of… you know who? That way we won’t have to go to therapy anymore and you wouldn’t have any more nightmares.”

Ellie sighed. “You know how I feel about reprogramming now, Mark.” 

“I know but I thought I would at least offer. Ya know?”

“I dislike Ms. Kris as much as you do. I question her credibility and would love to stop seeing her,” Ellie looked over at him. “But would it not be an issue? If you or the others brought up… well, I would simply have no idea what you are talking about. There would be so many empty parts in my memory, there is no doubt I would get rather confused.” 

Glomgold barked. 

“Yeah, I guess so. Why don’t you think about it for a bit? I’m sure I have enough shit for the job somewhere around this place.” With that, Mark leaned over to turn the light off so they could both go back to bed. He scooted back over and wrapped an arm around her waist as a sort of comfort before falling back asleep.

Ellie nodded before shutting her eyes, but she didn’t shut down. She truly was thinking deeply about it. About an hour had passed and she wasn’t sure if Mark was awake anymore or not but she spoke up anyway. If he didn’t hear her then she could just repeat herself in the morning.

“Alright, I accept your offer.” She whispered. 

Both Mark and Glomgold were fast asleep. Glomgold’s leg twitched while he slept.

She would tell Mark later...

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Fuck off.” Louie said to both Gloria and Gyro at the front door. They both had decided it was a good idea to check up on Scrooge and family in person after the shit show of a dictatorship, but Louie thought it was the perfect oppurtunity to be a little bitch. 

“No. You “Fuck off”, green nephew.” Gyro pushed past him. “Now where’s Scrooge?” He crossed his arms and looked around the mansion. It was as chaotic as usual. Webby was beating up Dewey, Della was starting fires, Ms. Beakley was putting out said fires, you get the idea. 

Before Louie could say “Fuck you, Gyro”, Boyd bounced up to the two of them. “Hi, Dr. Dad and Aunt Gloria! Funny running into you two here!” 

“Boyd? What are you doing here, little guy?” Gloria shoved past Louie as well. She’s dealt with that little asshole before but he seemed cool enough so whatever. Louie shrugged it off and closed the door behind them.

“My parents dropped me off for a sleepover with Huey! What are you doing here?” 

Gyro shrugged. “Just checking in on Scrooge. Do you know where he is?”

“Nope, sorry! Bye!” Boyd was in a hurry to return to his game of Minecraft and scuttled off. 

Throwing his head back, Gyro groaned. “God! He could be anywhere!” 

“What’s up, bitches?” Scrooge McFuck turned the corner with a cup of Earl Grey tea in hand. “I haven’t seen you two in months! How are you?”

“Well, I’m doing just-”

“I wasn’t talking to you, Gyro. I was talking to Gloria.” 

“Hey again! Yeah everything is going... Pretty alright I guess. All of the Agartha stuff feels like ages ago but it’s really good to see you again, Mr. McDuck!”

He laughed. “It’s good to see you again too, lass. Especially when we don’t have to deal with the others around to annoy us.” Launchpad was dead so that was pretty cool too. Scrooge pointed over to Gyro. “Except him, but I’ll take what I can get.” Taking a sip of his Earl Grey tea, he continued. “You know, I’m surprised we didn’t defeat the dictatorship together. For once I didn’t have to do anything. I’m impressed.” If Scrooge was being honest, he didn’t try because he knew Gloria would handle it and he was busy counting his coins but whatever, she didn’t need to know that. 

“Ohhh yeahhhh, weren’t you imprisoned too? God that always seems to happen to us.”

Scrooge shrugged. “At my young age, you lose count of how many times you’ve been imprisoned. That whole dictatorship thing was nothing compared to other events I’ve experienced. I’m just waiting for the next to be honest with you.” 

Gyro gulped. “Please don’t say that.” 

“Shut up, Gyro. No one cares.” Scrooged rolled his eyes. “Anyway, why’d you two stop by for a visit? I’m not giving you a raise, Gyro. You know your inventions aren’t any good. Except that young lad.” He pointed to where Boyd had run off too. “But you had help with him so it doesn’t count.” 

“Well, we,” Gyro gestured to both himself and Gloria. “Wanted to check up on you and see how you were doing. Just to be nice.” 

“I’m doing fine so you can leave now. Except Gloria.” He turned to her. “Would you like some tea? Ms. Beakley just prepared some.” Scrooge held his cup out as an example. 

Gyro has worked with Scrooge for years. He could overstay his welcome as long as he wanted, he knew he wouldn’t get fired for it or anything.

Gloria smiled. “Sure, that sounds great!”

“Alright, lass. Come along to the table now. I have plenty of news.” He waved his cane for her to follow. Gyro followed as well but nobody cared. 

Scrooge sat at his usual spot at the head of the table while Gloria and Gyro sat next to each other. Ms. Beakley was quick to hand Gloria her cup of tea and to refill Scrooge’s. Gyro didn’t get tea becasue fuck him.

Gyro cleared his throat. “Sooo… what news do you have?”

There was no response because Scrooge was ignoring him. Instead he pulled out his morning newspaper and added some more sugar cubes to his tea. There was soft bagpipe music playing in the background and some smoke in the air from Della’s kitchen fire situation. 

Gloria was picking up on how Scrooge acted toward Gyro. She thought it was hilarious that he lowkey roasted Gyro any chance he could get. “What did you want to tell us, Mr. McDuck?”

“Oh! Thank you for reminding me!” He put down his newspaper and crossed his hands. “It’s a possibility my old enemies, F.O.W.L, are at large. I’m not sure. But to some it up they are a terrorist group that want to steal all the world’s wealth for themselves, as well as take it over.” He paused for a second. “Important people have been going missing or found murdered. The rich as well as the people who pose threats. I’m not sure if they’re linked so there is either one large threat, or two. Needless to say, you two are a threat after taking down Steelbeak so we’re all in danger of being kidnapped and/or killed, just so you know.” He picked up his newspaper again like he was just finished discussing the daily weather report. “Beakley?! Get me more tea, please!” 

There was a sigh heard from the other room just before Ms. Beakley walked back in to top of his teacup. She walked back into the kitchen without another word.

Gloria started to fidget with her hands nervously. “Wait are you sure? Well what do we do?! I don’t wanna go through all that bullshit again! Getting imprisoned once was enough.”

“I’m not sure if it’s F.O.W.L but it’s somebody.” The smoke in the room began to build up but no one paid any mind to it. “There isn’t much to do about it at the moment. I don’t have all the information I need so I’m still doing my research but no need to worry. I just figured you should know you may possibly get murdered.” He was about to sip his tea again but it was a bit too hot so he placed it back down. “I would’ve told you about it earlier, but I didn’t think it was that important. It may just be your average serial killer which is basically nothing. F.O.W.L or a serial killer, eh, who cares?” 

Gyro slammed his hands on the table. “How are you being so nonchalant about this? You’re Scrooge McDuck! Shouldn’t you be protecting Duckburg?!”

“I’ll handle it. No need to panic, Gyro.” 

“You literally said that we could get murdered!”

“You can handle yourselves… well, not you, but Gloria can.” 

Despite being scared shitless over the news, she managed a finger gun gesture as a response.

Scrooge winked. “Gloria gets it. See, Gyro?” The room fell silent, not including the distant screams of the growing fire. “Whatever is going on it can’t be any worse than an invasion from the moon or a dictatorship. I have no proof it’s F.O.W.L, just a guess.” 

Gyro sighed and raked his hand through his hair. “Well isn’t this just wonderful. I guess it would be a good time to let you know that Gloria and I are going to use up our vacation days to go on a cruise to get away from here. I hope the smarter than the smarties can solve this issue without his number one scientist and all of his inventions.”

“A cruise during a possible threat? Who are you two? Donald?” Scrooge eyed the two of them; Even Gloria. “You two are powerful, even you Gyro, sadly. You need to stay around to help the McDuck family and it’s oncoming threat.”

“We didn’t ask to be “powerful” and “threatening”, Mr. McDuck!” Gyro snapped. “We’re going on a cruise and that’s that. Whatever issue is happening will be over by the time we return. We’ve been put in enough danger.” 

“Oh please, Gyro. You’ve helped me with the Shadow war AND the Moonvasion and now you’re suddenly having an issue? What’s gotten into you?”

“BECAUSE I HAVE SOMEONE TO PROTECT!” 

Scrooge sighed. “I told you Lil Bulb can handle himself.” 

“I know Lil Bulb can handle himself! I built him and his siblings!” Gyro took a moment to compose himself and adjusted his glasses just to seem sophisticated. “It’s just…” He trailed off so whatever sophistication he was preparing for was a complete blow. 

Gloria decided to jump in because Gyro was an idiot who can’t finish his sentences. “He’s talking about me, Mr.Duck…” Gloria scratched her arm awkwardly. She wasn’t sure if that was okay with him. I mean, she’s still his intern and that could be deemed inappropriate to most.

Scrooge paused. “...wot?” He eyed Gloria up and down. “Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” He didn’t care about the new information that they were dating, it was just the fact Gyro was a twig. 

“We help each other out, Mr. McDuck.” Gyro decided to step in again to back himself up.

There was awkward silence for the millionth time in this fanfiction. Scrooge finished his tea and read his newspaper for a while before he cleared his throat. “I get it. You two aren’t afraid of facing danger. You just want time to be romantic or what have you.” Scrooge McFuck looked up at Gloria. “Don’t you dare turn this fanfiction into a Romantic Comedy.” 

“We’ve already done a few cliche tropes here and there, but I wouldn’t dream of it.” She joked.

“If you say so…” While Scrooge said that, Ms. Beakley came in and gave Gloria more tea. Gyro even got some this time around. He was moving up in the world. “But you should remember that you’re like a McDuck now. Problems are going to follow you everywhere. Something is going to happen on your trip and you know it whether you like it or not.” 

“That’s reassuring.” Gloria sighed. She was relieved that he was so cool with finding out that she and Gyro were dating. She honestly thought she was going to get fired on the spot. “And there really isn’t anything we can do to stop this? The story just keeps dragging out, introducing new villains?”

“Of course. What else are the authors supposed to do during quarantine? Not write a new chapter every single night?” 

“Oh, Fenton is going on the cruise as well. So if anything happens here, GizmoDuck wouldn’t be around to help.” Gloria added.

“Meh. He didn’t help during the dictatorship. He’s more of a help with smaller crimes so the only thing that’s going to happen with him gone is more robberies or something.” Damn. Scrooge was kinda being a dick this chapter. That’s what he gets for having the last name “McFuck”. “If you two are lucky, the trouble will be here and you can have a nice relaxing and boring cruise. Do what you will.” 

Gyro looked over at Gloria. “...should we take our chances anyway?” 

“We already paid for the cruise, right? I guess it doesn’t matter what we do now. Stay here or leave, it sounds like trouble is just going to follow us anyways.”

Gyro ran his hands down his face, almost knocking off his glasses. “Alright, alright. Looks like we’ll take the gamble.” He looked over at Scrooge. “We’re both taking a month-long vacation. I already put it in the schedule, but just a reminder.” 

“Don’t care, Gyro. Gloria, I’ll miss ya.” 

“Well,” Gyro stood up. “Good catching up with you. The cruise leaves in two weeks. I’m not sure if we’ll see you again before then or not.” 

“Don’t care, but Gloria should stop by.” 

Gloria stood up as well, leaving her teacup on the table. “Hell yeah I will! Thanks, Mr. McDuck!”

“Anytime. Now get out of my mansion. I need to head to the Money Bin to meet with my financial advisors.” 

Gyro raised a finger. “We’re heading there too.”

“Don’t care.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark pulled up to a house in his expensive ass Koenigsegg CCXR Trevita. Ellie was with him and they had been getting along great since the new discovery of their internal hatred for one another. Not a single argument had started. Though they hadn’t decided what they wanted to do on their date when Boyd was at his sleepover so they settled on whatever the hell they were doing now. 

She looked over at him. “How do you know that Gyro nor Gloria are home?” 

Yep. The two hated Gyro so much they agreed their date would be trashing his house. Ellie was against anything remotely illegal (like her murdering people before was legal)… but it was Gyro so messing with his stuff sounded pretty tempting. Her one condition was that they wouldn’t touch anything that Gloria owned and that was about it. She had to respect her homie. 

“Um, the lights are off, plus the man, like, never leaves his stupid lab. If he is home, we’ll bail and try again tomorrow.” 

“...or we could beat him up?” 

Okay, sure, the guy was raising her child too but she still despised him. Hatred dies hard. 

“See, this is why I love slash hate you!” He winked. He opened his backseat door to take out a brown trench coat and blue glasses as a disguise. There was no need for a disguise but he wanted to wear it anyways. He felt baller in it. Ellie didn’t have a disguise to wear nor did she want to wear anything as ridiculous as Mark was. If Gyro for some reason had cameras, so what?

“You do realize he is going to know it is you whether you have the sunglasses and the coat or not, correct?” 

“Yes but it’s all about presentation.” He dialed up his “Breaking an Entry” playlist and blasted it outloud on his portable speaker so they could have some hype music while they fucked with Gyro’s stuff. He handed his speaker and phone to Ellie so he could pick the front door lock.

After a few tries with one of Ellie’s bobby pins (that she couldn’t use anymore because of whatever the hell she did to her hair), Mark managed to open the door. An alarm went off but Mark was quick to disarm it with a nifty app he had because plot.“Alright, where do you wanna start?” Mark asked while he kicked the same plant Donald kicked over before walking into the house.

“I assume his most prized possessions are located in his private quarters.” She meant his bedroom. “We can ruin all of his scientific notes and belongings. Perhaps find something to blackmail him with.” Ellie thought more for a second. “I also want to leave a note on the fridge or somewhere else in order to say hi to Gloria. I would like to “hang out” with her soon.” 

“Good idea, queen!” He wandered around the house with Ellie following behind him before they finally found his bedroom. It didn’t take long at all because his place was pretty pathetic. It wasn’t even that high tech which was surprising due to how he presented his lab. 

Ellie carefully put down Mark’s speaker and handed him his phone before opening the door. And the inside was… not what either of them were expecting at all. 

“Did we perhaps break into the wrong home, Mark?” 

Mark didn’t say anything he was in too much shock. He slowly brought his phone up to take a picture of the room. “Oh. My. GOD!”

The room was covered wall to wall with anime posters. And there were shelves of anime figurines; some who were cat girls that dressed in pretty revealing clothing. Star wars action figures and other merchandise littered the floor since Gyro had recently taken it out to show Gloria.

And the worst part, to Ellie at least, was it was absolutely filthy. His undergarments were everywhere, as well as packaged food. Some being cheeto bags, others being ramen. Gloria lived with this man. How did she do it?

Nothing even related to science or technology was to be seen, except an old early 2000s desktop. It was on and the background was of Boyd and Gloria drawn as anime characters. 

Ellie corrected herself. “Nevermind. We are indeed in the precise location.” 

“Perfect.” Mark intentionally stepped on the Star Wars action figures that were on the floor while he started to rip up all of the anime posters. “If you think about it, we are doing him a favor.” He smirked to himself as he continued to rip and shred all of the posters, dropping the remains on the floor.

Ellie stood there for a moment, not sure what to do. It was her first “felony” if you did not count murder. She settled on using her robo strength to punch multiple holes in the wall as well as through his shitty desktop. Picking up the desk chair she threw it out the window, breaking the glass. 

“Woah Ellie!” Mark laughed “You aren’t playing games with the whole breaking and entry!”

After all of the anime posters were ripped, he picked up as many shreds of poster paper he could and dumped it out of the now broken window. He then opened up Gyro’s closet and started to rummage through it, throwing his shirts on the ground.

Ellie walked up behind him, holding up an anime themed lighter she found on the ground. Why Gyro had one of those was unknown. “Shall we burn all of his clothes?” Her question was serious as she asked it with a blank expression.

“We shall!” Mark once again picked everything up off of the floor only to place it in a large pile in the middle of the room. “Do you want to do the honors?”

Ellie pulled a party pooper move again. “How do we make sure the fire does not spread?” But she really wanted to burn his ugly clothes so she came up with another idea. “We could do it on his front lawn so he can see it when he comes home. It will also ruin his grass.” 

“Big brain energy we have here!” Mark picked up the pile of clothes again and dumped it out of the window again. When they’re done with ruining the rest of his house, they’ll finish by setting the pile of the ugly green button down shirts on fire, putting them out of their green misery.

Ellie moved on by melting the heads of the anime figurines and placing them back. 

“I think we are done in here. Let’s unplug his fridge and throw food on the walls next!”

Ellie walked past him and simply pushed over the fridge. She didn’t even blink. The plug ripped in half and the food spilled everywhere. Mark cheered her on. He opened up the cabinets and started smashing plates and glasses along to the beat of the music that was still blaring.

While Mark was doing that, Ellie moved onto the living room and threw the couch out the large living room window. She usually wasn’t that strong but her hatred for Gyro did something to her. They could burn the couch too. 

Mark shattered the bathroom mirror and squirted the shampoo all over the walls while Ellie smashed every single light in the house. She felt sort of bad because it wouldn’t be a joy for Gloria to live in, but she kept her word and did not touch any of her things. In fact, she folded some of her clothes and left a sticky note that said “<3 Ellie” on it. 

Mark wiped his forehead and walked back over to Ellie. “‘Kay I think all that’s left to do is burn his shit outside.”

“I agree.” 

Whatever the hell this date was was going swell. The duo bonded over chaos which is probably why they didn’t have many issues with one another during their time in the Glomsquad. Ellie did the honors, as Mark had requested, and lit the clothes and couch on fire before throwing the anime lighter in there as well.

Man. These two were great influences for Boyd. He probably wouldn’t be able to sleep at Gyro’s house for a bit…

As the fire burned on, ruining the lawn around it, Ellie laid on the grass to stargaze. Because that’s what you do after trashing a man’s home. Being the nerd she was, she started identifying each and every star and constellation in her head. 

Mark copied her and laid down next to her, tucking his hands under his head for support. “Dude, this was so much fun! We should trash Gyro’s place more often! It could be an annual thing. Like, Christmas, but awful. For him.” Mark laughed at Gyro’s expense. He only wished he could be around to see his reaction.

Ellie scooted over so she was closer to Mark. Now they were shoulder to shoulder. “Perhaps we should find out where Ms. Kris lives? She is an absolutely horrid therapist.” 

Mark laughed “Oh my goddddddd that would be GREAT! She deserves it! Man, you have such great ideas! Like, wow! When you just snatched the fridge off the wall? And when you threw the couch out the window and proceeded to burn everything outside?! Ellie, you’re insane and I love it!”

Chaos was what the Glomsquad was all about. Even though Glomgold wasn’t there. 

“I am the one with the superior intellect so it is obvious my ideas would be better.” She stated bluntly. “But your breaking and entry skills were impressive.” 

Mark brushed off the insult. “Thanks! Youtube taught me that one!” He smirked to himself thinking he was hot shit for watching a 3 minute tutorial one time.

It was off topic but Ellie decided to bring it up. “About last night…” 

Mark turned to his side to look at her, using his arm to support himself up. “Yeah, what’s up? Did you make a final decision about the whole memory thing?”

She nodded, her voice hushed. “I accept your offer.” 

“For real?” Mark continued “Well great! I’ll be happy to do it if it’ll help. I mean, it’s the least I could do, right?”

Ellie turned to look at him as well. “But you have to promise me something. You have to promise me you will not reprogram my emotions like he did…” 

His eyes widened. “What? No of course not! All I’m going to do is just go through your memories and basically drag and drop the memories you don’t want anymore into the trash icon on my computer. It’s that easy.”

“I trust you.” She smiled weakly, still unsure about the whole thing. But she couldn’t continue on like how she had been. “Tonight was fun so thank you. I am glad we are not fighting anymore. I want to keep it that way.”

Mark smiled back. “Yeah me too! Committing illegal crimes are a lot more fun than us arguing. You know, you’re pretty cool, Ellie.”

The fact he was saying that like he didn’t already know her was stupid. But it wasn’t like they got to know each other outside of weird ass scenarios (like this one was normal) so she shrugged his idiocy off as per usual. “You are not too shabby yourself, you know?” 

He leaned in to kiss her before replying “Yeah I know!” He winked at her and did his signature “pew pew” gesture.

Ellie didn’t respond and took him into another kiss. A make out session ensued as Gyro’s lawn burned down.

____________________________________________________________________________________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend and I plan on making an illustration of Glomgold in his Justice pajamas at some point. The thought is too funny to pass up. We do have a drawing of Glomgold in a bikini though (don't ask). Does it relate to anything in this fanfic? Absolutely not. But I'll post it at the end of next chapter for giggles.


	5. Fenton Gives A Lecture

“Hey, Boyd? Can you hand me the friability tester?” Gloria asked. It wasn’t anything relating to science or the project Gyro asked her to work on. She just wanted to see how long her old flip phone would last in the machine while it was on. She was planning on getting a new phone before the cruise anyways. She was hoping that her and Mark are on good enough terms so he could just give her a new Waddle phone for free.

“Of course! I know Mr. Crackshell-Cabrera has one so I’ll ask him!” He chimed before running off.

Gloria was supposed to be doing a shit ton of work before the cruise but she didn’t really give a shit and was just kinda doing whatever in the lab. Gyro had run back to the house real quick to get...something. He told Gloria what but she didn’t give a shit about that either. She just wanted the cruise to hurry up. Duckburg was starting to drive her up the walls.

As she was daydreaming about wearing a bougie bikini in a hot tub with a margarita, Gyro busted into the lab screaming swear words that Boyd was luckily not in ear shot for. 

“I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD, GLORIA! I KEEP SAYING THINGS WON’T GET WORSE AND THEY ALWAYS DO! I HATE THIS CITY!” He stormed over, huffing like a 1st grader who just dropped his ice cream cone that he got from the ice cream truck; and he couldn’t buy another because the ice cream truck was long gone. Very specific, but now you can imagine his anger perfectly because we’ve all been there. 

Gloria sat up to greet him. “What happened?” She wanted to tell him to chill the fuck out but she didn’t want any of that anger sent her way.

“THIS HAPPENED!” He started rapidly scrolling through photos on his phone. Their front lawn was burnt, along with their couch. Windows were smashed, food was on the walls and the fridge was broken. And the worst part, to Gyro anyway, was all his anime posters and figurines were ruined. All the photos showed thousands of dollars in damage. “MY INSURANCE WILL NOT COVER ALL OF THIS!” 

Gloria smirked on the inside when she saw that all of his awful anime merch was destroyed. She never told him this but he was not going to be the father of her child if he still had anime cat girl figurines and posters. She was glad to see them go. “Shit, Gyro. Were we robbed?! Was anything taken or was it all just destruction?”

“OH NO! NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR BELONGINGS!” He pulled out a post-it note and handed it to Gloria. It was the note Ellie had left. The one that read “<3 Ellie” on it, left on top of Gloria’s laundry. “IN FACT, ELLIE DECIDED TO FOLD YOUR CLOTHES WHILE HER AND MARK WERE JUST PASSING BY!” 

“Mark and Ellie did all of this? I knew they were crazy but ARSON?!” It actually sounded fun to her not gonna lie. In fact, if Mark and Ellie told her that they were going to destroy his anime stuff, she would have gladly opened the front door. She didn’t approve of everything being destroyed. It was still her place too. Just the anime stuff. “Why would they do that?”

“HOW WOULD I KNOW!? I TOLD YOU THEY’RE FUCKING INSANE AND NOW WE KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO BE ON THE SAME CRUISE AS US! I’M SUING!” He kicked over one of his inventions. It was one that was a bust so it didn’t really matter. 

Fenton walked out with Boyd. “What are you yelling about, Dr. Gearloose?” 

If you’re wondering why Fenton is there when he quit in Act 1, he got his job back for plot and because he helped out in Act 2. And now he was Dr. Crackshell-Cabrera. Yee-haw. 

“NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!” Gyro turned back to Gloria. “WHEN THEY COME OVER TO PICK UP BOYD I AM GOING TO-”

Mark busted through the lab doors. “PEW PEW PEW!” 

Ellie was quick to enter from behind. “We apologize for being late. Mark insisted I see his personal hair stylist.” Her hair was still choppy and messy, but it was more even at the very least. 

“I DON’T APOLOGIZE! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BOY?!” Mark shouted excitedly. He still needed to work on his language around Boyd, parenting classes only did so much. 

“Dad!”

Before Boyd could run over to hug Mark, Gyro tackled Mark to the ground, immediately pounding his face in. “YOU SON OF A BITCH! I ALWAYS DESPISED YOU! BUT ENTERING MY HOUSE AND DESTROYING MY BELONGINGS IS A STEP TOO FAR! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” 

“NOT THE FACE NOT THE FACE!” It was strange. Mark was trying to triple task here: Protecting his face, tweeting about how he’s too young and handsome to die like this, and trying to kick Gyro off of him. With all of that going on it looked like a very odd seizure. Gloria ran up and started chanting “Fight!”. All in all, they were all great role models for Boyd.

With Ellie’s newfound hatred morphed to love for Mark, she just watched the fight go down until her senses kicked in and she finally pushed Gyro off. 

Fenton was nice enough to shield Boyd from the scene so he didn’t have to see all the violence go down. He was the only reasonable adult in the room at the moment. 

“YOU!” Gyro pointed to either Mark or Ellie, it wasn’t exactly clear. “YOU AND THAT- THAT THING,” He was not clearly pointing to Ellie. “ARE ABSOLUTELY INSANE! MARK, YOU ARE A WASTE OF LIFE WHILE YOUR “GIRLFRIEND” IS A WASTE OF TECH!” 

Mark got up and brushed himself off. “UMMM, ELLIE IS NOT A WASTE OF TECH, IF ANYTHING SHE’S A WASTE OF EVIL THAT WASTES TIME READING BOOKS IN HER DATA! SO YEAH, GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!” He spat. “IF ANYTHING I DID YOU A FAVOR BY DESTROYING YOUR HOUSE! MAYBE IT’LL FINALLY GET YOUR UGLY ASS GIRLFRIEND TO LEAVE YOU!” If Gyro was attacking Ellie, he was attacking Gloria. He always did find her sorta ugly, even if they were Minecraft buds. It was the glasses. 

“YOU DIDN’T EVEN HAVE THE COMMON SENSE TO BURN HER CLOTHES TOO?! I’M THE MORE FASHIONABLE ONE HERE!” He waved his hands up and down, gesturing to his clothing… which was now his last pair of clothes in general. “YOU’RE PAYING FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID TO MY HOME, YOU FUCKING BILLIONAIRE! IT’S NOT LIKE YOUR MONEY GOES TOWARD ANYTHING USEFUL TO BEGIN WITH!” 

“HA! LIKE HELL I AM! I CAN’T HELP IT THAT ALL OF YOUR STUFF IS UGLY AND BURNT WHILE I’M RICH AND HOT! #LIFEGOALS!”

Fenton had enough. “ENOUGH!”

That’s right. Our bean of a son, Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera, raised his voice. 

“Ellie, Gloria, Boyd, please leave for a moment.” Fenton was not going to raise his voice at women or a child. His m’ma raised him right. “I am going to have a word with these two.”

Gloria looked at Ellie and shrugged before peacing the fuck out. Ellie did the same, taking Boyd’s hand after giving him a greeting hug. 

When the doors had closed he turned back to the two of them. “DO YOU TWO HAVE NO MANNERS?! I DON’T CARE WHAT’S GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO! YOU DO NOT YELL AT WOMEN, IN FRONT OF WOMEN AND CHILDREN, OR INSULT THEM?! WHO RAISED YOU?!” Fenton was the truest simp. But the simp we all respect because he had pure intentions. “I CANCELLED MY CRUISE BECAUSE I NEEDED A BREAK! BUT THOSE TWO LADIES, and adorable child, ARE NOT GOING TO GET A BREAK FROM EITHER OF YOU SO STEP UP YOUR GAME AND GET YOUR CRAP TOGETHER!” 

“Look, buddy, you need to chil-”

“PLEASE BE QUIET, MARK! I AM NOT DONE! BUT LET’S START WITH YOU, SHALL WE?!” Fenton was not having any of their bullshit today. “First, you took Ellie to commit several crimes, then you called her a “waste of evil that spends time reading” RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER AND HER CHILD?! Then, you called Gloria ugly in front of her face! All within a span of, what, 12 hours?! I don’t even know who you are personally but I am very upset!” Fenton was reminded of something else before he let Mark respond. “And let’s not forget you swore in front of Boyd multiple times ALONG with Dr. Gearloose.” 

Gyro crossed his arms while Fenton spoke but to be honest he was a little scared. He has never seen Fenton this angry before.

“AND YOU DR. GEARLOOSE! OOOOOOOOH WHERE TO BEGIN?! YOU, A MAN I USED TO RESPECT INSULTED A LADY’S ATTIRE, A LADY YOU CALL YOUR GIRLFRIEND! AND THEN CALL ANOTHER LADY, WHO IS CLEARLY SENTIENT AND A MOTHER, A WASTE OF TECH IN FRONT OF BOYD WHO IS A PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY HIMSELF?! HOW QUANTE!” Fenton stomped his foot as much as he could since he never had really done that before. It was a pretty pathetic stomp. “AND LET’S NOT FORGET I WAS AT THE BOWLING ALLEY WHEN YOU WENT OFF ON GLORIA IN THE MOST DISGUSTING WAY IMAGINABLE! ALSO IN FRONT OF BOYD! BOYD WAS CRYING AND YOU CONTINUED TO ACT LIKE A BAD INFLUENCE AS WELL AS A POOR EXCUSE OF A GENTLEMAN! WHAT DO YOU TWO HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELVES?!” 

Both Mark and Gyro were at a loss for words. It was like they were being scolded by the meanest, strictest parent ever.

Fenton huffed before taking a deep breath to calm himself down. “Please. I would like to know what you have to say. I apologize for yelling.” 

Gyro, much to his disliking, knew he had to be the one to begin because Mark was being stupid again. “Well-”

“NO EXCUSES!”

Gyro gulped. “...Alright then, Dr. Crackshell-Cabrera. I have never had a girlfriend before and-”

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCUSE TO ME.” Fenton stomped his foot again.

Gyro shut the fuck up again for a moment. “Alright… well, I suppose I have no excuse… I just got a bit carried away in the heat of the moment.” He honestly had no idea what else to say. He didn’t even know what Fenton wanted him to say. “All I need is a calming cruise and- no, I mean… I should not have said what I said about Gloria. But Ellie-”

“NOPE! I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!”

“... I suppose Ellie is a “lady” too.”

“YOU SUPPOSE?!”

Gyro sighed. “Ellie is a lady too… and I should treat them both as such…” What the hell was going on in this chapter was beyond him. 

“AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MARK?!”

“Ummmm… I didn’t come here to be yelled at soooooooo I don’t really see the point. #notcool. All lowercase btw. Also, FYI, I am a HUGE fan of the ladies, okay?” He laughed at his own stupid joke.

“A huge fan of ladies? If you insulted both Gloria and Ellie in the span of 1 minute, I can only assume you have done it many times in the past! I know I am not wrong! Admit it!” 

“Well, since I am kind of in this love slash hate thing with Ellie right now, not many insults there.” Mark continued “But yeah I’ve insulted Gloria for a while, but like, c’mon! She deserves it!”

Fenton took in a deep breath again, making a praying gesture. “Okay. You know what? We are all going to have a talk about how to be a gentleman because I am not going to stand here and do nothing about the way you two treat women. And children.”

Gyro rolled his eyes “Dr. Cabrera, this is ridiculous…”

“When’s the last time either of you have complimented your girlfriends? Maybe their hair or their outfits?”

The two stayed silent.

Fenton asked another question. “Okayyyyy when was the last time either of you said “I love you”?!” 

“Ummmmm, I said that Ellie and I are in a love slash hate thing soooo try to keep up. God.”

Gyro continued to remain silent because the answer was “never”. For once in his life, he was as much as a shit bag as Mark. 

“UNBELIEVABLE! THE BOTH OF YOU! HOW COME YOU TWO HAVE NEVER SAID IT?!” She can’t hear him, but his m’ma was out there fighting crime with a smile on her face because she knew her baby boy was doing good.

Mark started playing Mario Kart. “Um, like, this is the 21st century and I’m a feminist so I don’t believe men have to make the first move because we’re all equals here. #equality!” He made a quick peace sign before going back to his game.

“I don’t have an excuse for the past few months… but we’ve always been in some sort of life or death situation so being romantic to the max was never on ours…” He paused because he wasn’t comparing himself to Mark anymore. “Was never on my mind. I was simply focused on trying to protect Gloria and now I’m focused on preparing for the cruise.”

Mark almost dropped his phone. “EWWWW! OH MY GOD! AM I GOING TO BE ON THE SAME CRUISE AS YOU?!” 

“...Don’t remind me, please.” 

Fenton wanted to slap the two of them, but he was only violent when someone was breaking the law. Neither of them were currently breaking the law, they were just being complete dickbags. “This part of the fanfiction is a rom-com which MEANS you need to get your act together. 21st century or not, women deserve to be treated like queens. All women are queens.”

“IF SHE BREATHES, SHE A THOTTTT!” Mark yelled. He only said it because of the vine.

“DON’T YOU DARE CALL A WOMEN A THOT!” Fenton didn’t get the reference. He was just offended by that word. 

Mark scoffed. “You ruined it…”

“Let’s move on. Have either of you ever bought them flowers or given them a gift? Perhaps called them beautiful?” 

Gyro shook his head and Mark shrugged. 

It should be mentioned that Gyro did compliment Gloria on a date before but he was too disturbed to think of that. Even though he did, he still didn’t do it enough. 

The sad part was when Mark was going through Ellie’s memories he found that Steelbeak had actually called her hot but he deleted that so he wasn’t one upped anymore. 

“NOTHING?! With Mark I kind of expected as such, but Dr. Gearloose?! You two literally almost had a child together?! You mean to tell me that when she was pregnant, you didn’t do ANYTHING?!” He turned to Mark. “NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU ARE LITERALLY RAISING A CHILD!” 

When neither of them responded, Fenton internally died. He walked over and pulled out a chalkboard. “Okay. You know what? We are going to have an entire lesson on how to treat women.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“It is good to see you again, Gloria. We have not been around each other in weeks, excluding when I pick up Boyd. I apologize, I have been a bit occupied.” 

“Bitch, you’re fine! I know things have been pretty crazy for me too. But hey, thanks for folding my clothes and destroying all of Gyro’s anime posters! I’m glad someone was able to get rid of it!”

“Anytime.” Ellie smiled before placing a hand on Boyd’s shoulder who was just chilling there. “Also please refrain from swearing in front of Boyd.” 

“Oh shi- um, my bad.” Gloria quickly changed the subject. “Hey, new haircut?! Looks good!”

“That compliment is much appreciated! Mark insisted it was a must that I get it re-styled.” She pointed to her hair. “I sawed it off with a shard of mirror at an illegal rave after I had a mental breakdown.” Ellie stated that matter-of-factly like it was a normal thing. 

“Woah what?! An illegal rave?! Which one? The one more downtown or the one that’s close by the cemetery? Or wait, was it the one with all the hookers and neon signs?”

Why Gloria knew all of this was concerning.

“I am not sure. To be fair, I only remember the beginning.” 

“Niiiiiceeeeeeee!” Gloria gave her a thumbs up.

It was Ellie’s turn to change the subject. “Boyd informed me that we will be on the same cruise! How exciting!” 

Gloria smiled “Yeah I know! It’ll be fun to see you and Boyd! But Mark and Gyro… that’s going to be interesting.”

“It is alright. If they get in a fight we can just go to another area of the ship and do… I’m not sure what people do on cruises. Cruise things.” 

“I can teach you two how to play Poker!” 

Boyd piped up. “I heard they sometimes have mini golf courses on cruises! There’s also a pool and water slides but… that’s okay! Maybe they’ll have ping pong!” 

Ellie smiled and looked down at him. “I am sure they’ll be plenty of things for you to do! I’m just happy to have a break from Uncle Glomgold. I love him, but I’m sure he stresses you out as well, Boyd.”

“...yeah...he does.” 

Glomgold poked his head out from the air vent. “WOT’S THIS ABOUT A CRUISE?!” 

Ellie nearly shrieked. 

“We tightened security since the last time you broke in here! How did you get in this time?!” Gloria stood up to try to close and somehow lock the air vent but she sadly couldn’t reach.

“MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” He cockroach crawled down the wall to stand beside her. Boyd clung onto Ellie for dear life. The cockroach crawl disturbed him. “NOW WOT’S THIS ABOUT A CRUISE?!”

Ellie looked at Gloria for help because she was not a good liar as everyone knew. Gloria, on the other hand, was more likely to come up with something. 

“It’s just like you said, Glomgold, we should mind our own business!”

“Oh...I see…” He pulled out a cruise pamphlet. “WELL I STOLE BEAKS’ MONEY TO BUY ME A TICKET ON A MONTH LONG CRUISE IN TWO WEEKS, BITCHESSSSSS!” 

Gloria snatched the pamphlet from him. “No…. no god please no…”

“Uncle Glomgold, the ship was booked. How on Earth did you manage to get a ticket?” Ellie asked.

“Oh. I added my name to someone’s random party reservation.”

“...what’s your room number?” Boyd asked. He was just as scared as the rest of them.

“699 BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNEH!”

Ellie almost passed out. That was her, Mark’s, and Boyd’s room number. “...is it too late for you to change your room number?”

“WHY WOULD I, ROBO-BABEH!?” He studied her face. “Oh...I see… WE’RE GOING TO BE ROOMIESSSSS!” 

“Uncle Glomgold, I love you, but I am not allowing you to room with us. Mark and I need to be alone together, as well as spend time with Boyd.” 

“NO! I AM YOUR UNCLE! YOU CAN’T RID OF MEH!” He started crawling on the walls again before falling on his butt. “I’VE BEEN WORKING ON MY BEACH BOD! LOOK!” Glomgold started to strip right there. It was like a car crash, it was awful to look at, but you couldn’t look away. All Ellie could do was cover Boyd’s eyes. At least someone would be saved from this.

Gloria now understood what Scrooge had meant when chaos would follow her everywhere. It all made sense now…

“OI!” Glomgold saw Gloria’s expression as well. “DON’T TELL ME YOOH ARE GOING TO BE ON THE CRUISE AS WELL! YOU ARE!? EW! DISGUSTANG!” He paused. “I’LL MAKE SURE TO USE YOUR RESTROOM!” 

“OH LIKE HELL YOU ARE GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR ME! AS GOD AS MY WITNESS IF YOU SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ME, I WILL THROW YOUR ROUND LITTLE BODY OVERBOARD!”

Glomgold changed the subject. “I have two room cards, you know…” He pulled out the reservation ticket for room 699 and 420. “I DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO GET THE NEXT FUNNIEST ROOM NUMBER! I CAN STRETCH OUT ME LEGS ON DIFFERENT BEDS!” 

“Wait… What’s the other room number?!”

“420, MUAHAHAHAHHAHA!” 

“NOOOO!” Gloria put her head in her hands. She picked that number because she thought it was funny. She wasn’t laughing anymore.

“Uncle Glomgold! Why did you think it was okay to hack into peoples’ reservations!”

“BECAUSE THEY RAN OUT OF ROOM AND I WANTED TO MAKE MORE FRIENDS BUT NOW I’M JUST STUCK WITH STUPID ROBO-BABEH,” He looked over at Gloria’s expression. “OH GOD, NOT YOOH TOO!” He started scuttering in circles. “WELL I’M NOT CHANGING MY ROOM NUMBERS! WE’RE GOING TO BE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY!” 

Ellie tried to search through her data to see if she could hack into the system and change rooms as well, but with reservation times being up it was impossible... For plot purposes. She tried her best not to sob in front of Boyd but she did sniffle a few times. 

Gloria hated seeing Ellie so upset. “Glomgold can you fucking leave?! You stupid ass, ugly ass, oompa loompa body ass bitch! Put your clothes back on and crawl back into the shithole you came from!”

Ellie would’ve shielded Boyd’s ears if she could’ve, but sparing him from Glomgold’s body was more important. 

Glomgold scuttled around faster. “NOOO! YOOH CAN’T TELL ME WOT TO DO, GLADIS!” 

Ellie was the next to lose it. “I do not care how much money you paid to get on that cruise! You will not be going. Do you understand me, Uncle Glomgold?! Mark and I have welcomed you into our home so the least you could do is stay there and ruin the mansion as you usually do while our family has time to ourselves. Mark and I have worked so hard on our relationship and I will not allow you to disturb our well deserved vacation together. Nor Gloria’s.” 

“MAKE MEH, BITCH! I AM YOUR UNCLE! I ORDERED YOUR CREATION SO YOU WILL LISTEN TO MEH!” With that, he finally reentered the air vent to return to wherever he came from, leaving his shirt, jacket, and tie behind. 

Unshielding Boyd’s eyes, Ellie looked at him with concern and then Gloria. “...oh dear.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Fenton turned back to Gyro and Mark who were sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor. They were both paying close attention to the lecture to avoid being yelled at. “If I catch either of you being disrespectful on that cruise… I will get my m’ma.” He gave them the stink eye. “I may have cancelled my cruise tickets, but my m’ma didn’t. If you thought I was bad you have another storm coming.”

Gyro and Mark looked at eachother, sharing the same fear. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	6. The Chaotic Cruise Begins

It was 3 am, the haunting hour, and Mark couldn’t sleep. Being him, he decided the perfect way to pass the time was to play Mario Kart and ramble to Ellie since she didn’t really need to sleep. She didn’t mind because she was the only one who actually enjoyed listening to him for some ungodly reason. 

Glomgold was thankfully not in the room either so they could freely talk without being yelled and/or barked at. 

“Man, when I was growing up my mom would’ve KILLED me if she found out I was up this late on my phone!” Mark just got to the last round of the map and he was currently in the lead. He always puts the settings on easy so he would win… for the most part.

“The blue light coming from your phone disrupts the production of melatonin, which is a hormone that regulates an organic body’s sleep cycle. Your mother probably only got mad because she cared for your well being.” Ellie said while watching him play his game. 

“HA! Yeah right…” He slipped on a banana. Not IRL, in the game, stupid. He was still in first though so he really didn’t care.

“Why do you say-” Ellie stopped when she realized that one conversation she had with Miss Glamour a few months back. She had indeed noticed how poorly his mother had treated him and that was why Mark craved so much attention. She just forgot about it after he had awoken from his coma and never brought it up. “...oh…” 

Mark sighed “Yeah… I’ll never understand that woman.” He finished the round, winning second place again. There was a blue shell that got him right at the end. He started another map and continued playing.

Ellie turned her attention from the screen to him. “I am sorry I said all those mean things to you about craving attention.” She laid her head on his shoulder despite them already laying down. “Why did you never bring it up in therapy?”

“Oh, I have mentioned it before in therapy but it wasn’t with Ms. Kris. It was with Steelbeak.”

“Is that a friend of yours?” 

He forgot that all of her memories of Steelbeak were wiped. “Nevermind… I dunno why I never bring it up in therapy. It’s too awkward and stupid I guess.”

“You should-”

“WOT’S UP, BITCHES?!! TOP DADDY IS HERE!” Glomgold busted down the door, wearing Mark’s bath robe and Ellie’s slippers. He had a suitcase in hand, along with his stuffed animal, Crabby. There was a good chance that his suitcase was filled with rocks. Literal rocks. “YOU BETTER BE PACKED! WE’RE LEAVING FOR THE CRUISE IN 5 MINUTES WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!” 

“WHAT?! BUT IT’S 3 AM!” If Mark didn’t kill Glomgold now, he would on the cruise. He was planning to do it when the boat leaves the border and they are in open water where there are no laws, that’s when he’ll strike.

“WE GOTTA GET THERE EARLY! DUHHHHH!”

Ellie was able to forget, for just a moment, that Glomgold was going on the cruise with them until just now. Her mood quickly changed to a sour one. Sitting up, she glared at her Uncle for once and didn’t just look at him emotionlessly. “Uncle Glomgold, the cruise will not allow us to board until 10 ante meridiem. If we show up this early we will only be standing in the dark. So please head back to your private quarters and go back to sleep before you wake Boyd up again.” 

“BUT IF WE AREN’T IN THE FRONT OF THE LINE THEN THEY WON’T LET US BOARD! STOOPID GORL!” Glomgold opened his suitcase and dumped all of his stuff on the floor. Yep, there were rocks in there but there was also a bottle of sunscreen. He opened the sunscreen and started to lather himself with it.

Ellie got up and went to the master bathroom. Did she need to use it? No. She’s a robot duh. It was just her way of telling Mark to handle it. 

Mark knew and turned his phone off. “Can you, like, leave already? It’s bad enough you’re coming on the cruise!”

Glomgold started squirting the sunscreen in his mouth and down his throat. “NOOOOO!” He gurgled. It was hard to understand him with all that stuff in his mouth. “I TOLD YOU! WE’RE LEAVING NOW! NOW, I SAY!” Turning the open end of the bottle toward Mark, he squirted the sunscreen across the room onto his face. 

He screamed and wiped it off immediately “OH MY GOD YOU’RE SO ANNOYING! FINE! IF IT’LL GET YOU TO SHUT UP, THEN YES, WE’LL LEAVE! JUST STOP!” Mark threw the covers off of him and knocked on the bathroom door to let Ellie know to get out.

She opened the door with a disappointed look on her face because she knew Glomgold was still there. Now she was going to have to make him French Toast with extra powder. 

Glomgold happily hummed a Scottish song and started putting his rocks and sunscreen back in his suitcase.

“Please do not tell me you’re serious about leaving this early. I don’t want to disturb Boyd during his nightly rest.” Ellie said to Mark. 

“It’s the only way he’ll shut up. Unless you have any better ideas? I could try hitting him with a bat.”

“WOT?!”

That was pretty tempting but Ellie shook her head. “No… I’ll get my bag.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN GLOMGOLD HAS A COPY OF OUR ROOM KEY?!” Gyro was in the middle of unloading their luggage from the car when he dropped one onto his foot when Gloria decided to drop her sudden news. She decided having him stress a few minutes before going on the cruise was better than stressing two weeks before the cruise. 

“Okay so you remember when I booked us the 420 room because I thought it was funny?”

“...yes…?”

“Well, Glomgold thought it was a funny room number too when he was booking his ticket.”

Gyro scoffed. “THAT DOESN’T EXPLAIN HOW HE MANAGED TO BOOK AN ALREADY BOOKED ROOM!” 

“I think he mentioned hacking into their website, I don’t know what to tell ya.” Gloria grabbed her backpack from the ground and threw it across her back.

The twink boy was about to yell again but he suddenly was reminded of the “talk” he had with Fenton the other week. He frantically looked around the crowded parking lot for any sign of m’ma. That woman scared the shit out of him. Gyro cleared his throat before speaking through gritted teeth. “Well… this is going to be a lovely trip and I’m sure we can work something out with Ellie and Mark. Perhaps get the extra room key from Glomgold himself.”

“Why are you talking like that?” She really didn’t need an answer. She shut the trunk and started walking towards the large crowd of people who were also wanting to board the cruise. It was obvious that it was a line for a cruise because everyone looked like they either washed up from Florida, a beach, or a Jimmy Buffet album. Or all of the above.

Gyro would’ve complained about having to carry both of their luggages… but he remembered the talk. He had to remember the talk. M’ma was always watching. “Jeez. Why is everyone here so early? It’s only 8:00!”

“Yeah fuck this! Maybe Ellie and Mark are here so we can cut in line.” Gloria pulled out her phone to text in the Anti Gyro group chat asking if they were in line already.  
Glomgold was the first one to respond obviously. Gloria regretted adding him that one time. “AT THE FRONT, BITCH!!!! >;D”

Gloria texted back “Ellie? Can you confirm?”

“Indeed.” 

Mark texted the group a gif from The Office that didn’t have anything to do with their conversation.

Gloria looked up at Gyro. “‘Kay, they’re in the front of the line so let’s just meet up with them.”

“Not only will we be cutting, but we’ll also be waiting two hours with them. We can confront them on the ship about Glomgold and that’s that.” 

“Well I don’t want to wait in this long line so I’m heading to the front. If anyone wants to fight me on it I got some weed in my bag I can negotiate with…. Oh shit, I hope they don’t check bags…”

Gyro would’ve laid a hand on his forehead like he always did if it wasn’t the fact his hands were full. “...Gloria…” He didn’t bother to say anything else as Gloria shoved people out of the way in the line.

“MOVE! V.I.P PASSENGERS COMING THROUGH!”

There were multiple complaints and people shouting insults, but the one who got the most hate was Gyro since he was the one following in the back; aka it gave people more time to hit him. Other than that they made it to the front in kind of ok shape. Gloria did anyway. And in the front of the line was indeed the infamous Glomsquad. And sweet little Boyd who was now the honorary member of the Glomsquad.

Mark had heavy bags under his eyes and looked at Gyro in disdain before going back to his phone.

Glomgold was wearing a tank top that said “Foxy Grandpa” on it, with a gold chain, tight shorts, and crocs. The amount of sunscreen he was wearing was immaculate. 

Actually… all their outfits looked pretty stupid, excluding Ellie who was in a yellow pinup looking sundress and also looked like she was about to teach first grade. 

Mark and Boyd were matching. They wore simply a hawaiin button down and dad looking shirts underneath. Mark obviously had killer shades and a lei around his neck. 

Now that Gloria thought about it, Gyro looked pretty cringey as well. He wore his usual attire, the only thing that was different was he was wearing shorts and had sunglasses on his head. 

The motherfucking queen herself, Gloria, was sporting high waisted shorts and a cropped tank top with a lightweight summer kimono.

“How did you all manage to get in the front of the line?!” Gyro huffed out, finally placing the bags on the ground. Gloria and him packed a shit ton, damn. Mostly him. 

Boyd walked up to give Gyro and Gloria a hug. “We got up at 3 in the morning!” 

“Ew, why?” Gloria gave Boyd a hug back while looking at Ellie for an answer.

Ellie, in turn, looked at Glomgold who was now picking his nose.

“BECAUSE I’M THE ONLY MEMBER OF THIS SQUAD WHO HAS MY SHIT TOGETHER! THAT’S WHY!” Glomgold scuttled in a circle like that would make a point. He left a circle of sunscreen as well. 

“Dude… do you ever sleep?”

“NO! DADDIES DON’T NEED SLEEP, BITCH!” He looked down at his shirt. “Oh… I see… I MEAN FOXY GRANDPA!” 

Gyro took a step forward. “Okay, look here, Glomgold. You will not be rooming with us. I don’t care how funny you think the number “420” is! Give us the copy of your card. Now. Or we’re going to have issues.” 

Glomgold blinked slowly at him before his stupidity turned into anger. He shoved Gyro. “WOT?! I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOOH! BESIDES, I’VE HIDDEN MY COPY OF THE KEYCARD IN A PLACE NO ONE WILL FIND IT! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Oh? I’m going to find it!”

“No you won’t, incell.” Mark commented. “Unless you want to look in a big, fat asshole. I walked in on it and everything. I will never unsee what hell looks like.” He shivered and tweeted about how disturbed he was.

“What the fuck?!” Gloria laughed. She absolutely hated the fact that he had a copy but she had to give credit where credit was due. That’s fucking dedication!

“I KNEW YOOH BASTARDS!” He pointed to everyone, including Boyd. “WOULD TRY TO STEAL MEH CARD! BUT YOU WON’T NOW THAT IT HAS MY SCENT ON IT!” 

Boyd walked over so his mom was blocking him from Glomgold. He didn’t really want to look at the guy at the moment. 

“Uncle Glomgold. Please stop swearing in front of your nephew.”

“FUCK YOOH!” He shoved Ellie with so much force she actually fell over, along with Boyd. 

Boyd started crying.

Knowing M’ma was around in any bush, ready to kill him, Mark put his phone away long enough to help both Ellie and Boyd up from the ground. He looked around to see if she saw that. He didn’t see her. I guess that’s a good thing.

“Uncle Glomgold!”

“WOT?!”

“Pushing me is one thing, but you will not push Boyd. Do you understand me?!” Ellie turned her attention to Boyd to see if he was alright. He was. Just disturbed even more. 

Glomgold made a very Scottish grunt as a reply. He crossed his arms like he was a child and sat on the floor in the middle of the group.

Gyro turned to Gloria. “See? It’s hell already.” 

“And now you know why I packed so much weed.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Time to pull out the weed…” Gloria muttered as she was unpacking everything in their suite. Gyro wasn’t rich or anything so it was your average cruise cabin. Not too small, but not luxury either. But it was definitely cramped to the max with a third person.

“OI!” Glomgold jumped on top of their bed, getting right up in Gloria’s face. “CAN I HAVE SOME WEED TOO?!” It should be mentioned Glomgold thought it was actual weeds found in gardens. He thought it was weird Gloria had some but he wanted it because she did. 

“HELL NO!” Gloria snatched the weed away and put it back in her bag.

Gyro approached Gloria and tapped her shoulder while Glomgold was busy sniffing himself. “We are going to have no time to get intimate on this cruise which was the whole point of why I booked this! We won’t be able to relax for one second.” He stomped his clown foot. “I don’t care if Scrooge warned us about murders in Duckburg. I say we take our chances and forget about our loss of money. It’s well spent if Glomgold will be gone for a month.” 

“God chill the fuck out, Gyro. You’re both thirsty and mad! I can figure this out.” Gloria looked over at Glomgold and shoved him to get his attention. He was still on the bed so he fell right in the middle of the mattress, leaving a stain. 

“OI! WOT WAS THAT FOR, GLADIS!?”

She put a finger to her mouth to sush him “I think Scrooge is right outside the door. But you have to be quiet.”

“SCROOGE IS HERE?!” He screamed! He rolled his body off the bed and waddled outside the room. Gloria quickly followed and slammed the door on him and used the door latch to keep him outside.

She turned back to Gyro and dusted her hands off. “Problem solved.”

He sighed in relief and sat in the bed. The dude was so stressed he actually took his hat off before laying down. “Thanks, but it’s only a matter of time before he comes back and opens the door a crack until he realizes he can’t open it. Then he’ll start screaming. Then we’ll have to let him in…” 

Like clockwork, everything that Gyro just said happened.

“LET ME IIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!” Glomgold was pounding his fists on the door. This was scarier than the door scene in The Shining.

Gyro had enough. He swung open the door and went off the lie Gloria had just told. “Scrooge went to Mark, Ellie, and Boyd’s room, alright?” 

“WOT?!”

“You heard me.” 

Glomgold blinked slowly again, one eye at a time with some drool coming out of his mouth before he truly understood Gyro’s sentence. “Oh… I see… BYE BITCHES!” Instead of cockroach crawling, he rolled down the hallway on his side. Multiple families still boarding the ship had to jump out of the way. 

Gyro shut the door again, latching it shut just as Gloria had. “That’ll give us 30 minutes at least.”

“Maybe he’ll get lost and die of starvation. One could dream.” Gloria was finishing up putting all of her clothes away in a drawer.

“He survived months on the streets of Duckburg, he’ll find a way to stay alive on this cruise ship.” Damn. Negative Nancy over here. 

“Is he allergic to seafood? I swear I will fuck with his food until he keels over!”

Gyro actually let out a laugh. “I doubt it, but we’ll figure out something.” Now was a good time to change the subject. “We’ll be on the cruise for about a week until we hit the first caribbean island.” Yeah, they are in California. Just don’t question it. “What do you want to do until then? They got water slides, nightly parties, ummm… other activities avoiding Glomgold….”

“I’ll probably waste all of my money on the casinos and strippers.” She joked. Sort of. She did tell Ellie that she was going to teach her to play poker.

Gyro ignored that. “You know what? Sometime this week there is a super fancy party going down. I’m talking Miss Glamour fancy. We should go! You did bring formal wear, right?” He sighed as he continued on. “I had to buy a new suit after Mark and Ellie’s little “date”.”

“Of course we are going and I never leave home without a formal dress. You never know what life will throw at you.” Whatever that meant is up to you.

“Alright. I’ll put that on the list.” Gyro pulled out a small calendar from his pocket like the nerd he was and started to write things down. 

“Gyro… you have a calendar? God, you nerd! What do you have written on there, swim at 3:15 every Tuesday!?”

“What do I look like to you? Someone who doesn’t have their crap together. My freestyle swim workout is on Friday’s at 6:00 am. But now that we’re on vacation, leisure swim can be on Tuesdays through Thursdays at 11. Before lunch, obviously. We can’t have cramps in the pool.”

“... can I please see your calendar?” Gloria held her hand out.

He rolled his eyes, knowing he didn’t have a choice, and did as she requested. 

She closed the calendar and shoved it in the mini freezer. It didn’t make sense but she didn’t want to rip it! But she had to do something!

“WHAT-” No. M’ma would find him if he raised his voice. “What was that for?!” 

“It’s symbolism, my dear Watson. You need to chill the fuck out. Just like your calendar.”

The fact she made that into some sort of pun killed him inside. “There is always an order to things, but you know what? Fine. I don’t care what we do as long as we can get away from that- that heathen.” Meaning Glomgold. “Despite what Scrooge said, I swear I won’t let anything bad happen on our vacation! We deserve this GODDAMN break and that is what we’re going to get.” 

“You sound like a superhero doing a monologue.”  
That just made Gyro put on a smug look. “Thank you.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ma Beagle looked back at her three sons as they boarded the ship. “You see this, boys?” She pointed ahead. “If we can’t have Duckburg, we can have this ship. It’s going to be ours.”

Her kids cheered.

“HELL YEAH, MA!”

“Shut the fuck up, Big time. No cheering until we actually do it. The plan starts in 24 hours. We need to settle in first.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“What do you want to do first, Boyd?” Ellie asked.

Boyd was currently on the floor coloring in his Minecraft themed coloring book (it was originally Dewey’s but Huey insisted on him taking it) as Ellie unpacked his clothes for him. 

“Well…” He thought for a second. “We’re just settling in, so it wouldn’t hurt to just relax for the day and figure out what we’ll do tomorrow.” 

Ellie smiled. “That sounds like a wonderful idea.” 

Mark already took 30 selfies of himself to celebrate his new vacation. He was posting all of them to Instagram and Twitter while lying on the bed. “Could I go to the strip club sometime?”

Not knowing what a strip club was, Ellie searched her database. She couldn’t find anything and decided to ask Mark. “What is that?” 

Wow. Our boy got the “get out of jail free” card! “Oh it’s ummm… it’s like a cooking class. Yeah, a cooking class! For guys only so don’t bother checking it out for yourself.”

“Oh! Because I’m a real boy can I go?!” Boyd asked. He wanted to get his cooking Junior Woodchuck Badge.

Mark thought about it for a moment before shrugging. “Sure, I don’t see the problem with it.” Father of the year award. 

“I would certainly like to go to the performance of Hamlet on ice next week.” Ellie added. Yes, they did have that on this cruise. Why not? “You should come, Mark. You may like it.” She knew he wouldn’t. She just wanted him to come. 

“Oneeeee secondddddd,” He searched to see if Hamlet was something that was popular. To his surprise, Hamlet was VERY popular! Like, everyone knows what Hamlet is, it’s crazy! “Woah okay cool! I guess everyone is seeing this play so yeah I’ll come along!”

Ellie beamed. “Really?!”

“WOT’S UP, BITCHESSSSS!” Glomgold busted down the door, shit stained key card in hand. “WHERE’S SCROOOOGIE?!” There was foaming at the mouth; he was so excited.

Boyd was the one to respond. “Mr. McDuck didn’t buy a cruise ticket Uncle Glomgold. He isn’t here.”

“WOT?! THOSE BITCHES LIED TO ME?! FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD?!”

As much as Ellie appreciated how smart of a move that was on Gloria and Gyro’s half, she was disappointed he had shown up so soon to disturb them. She figured he would at least be occupied stealing all the free shrimp cocktails or something. “Hello, Uncle Glomgold. Is there anything you need?” Maybe he would realize he didn’t need anything and just leave. 

He patted his stomach. “I’M HUNGRY!” He waddled over to Boyd. “YOOH! SMALL CHILD! GIVE ME YOUR SNACKS!”

Ellie took the animal crackers and shoved them behind her back. “There is a buffet on the main deck. Why don’t you go and head there.”

He threw his head back. “THAT REQUIRES WALKINNNGGGGGGGG!!!” Glomgold looked back at Ellie who was still on the ground next to Boyd. “IF YOU DON’T GIMME FOOD, I’LL EAT YOU!”

Ellie scrunched up her face. That sounded very wrong. She glanced over at Mark, hoping he could take over again for her sake but he was too busy complaining on twitter. Glomgold was her Uncle, but she didn’t choose to be his niece necessarily. I mean, come on. 

Boyd knew how impossible Glomgold could be so he gently placed his crayon on the ground before getting up to grab a fruit gummy packet. He handed Glomgold the gummies before sitting back down on the floor. “There you go, Uncle Glomgold! I hope gummies are alright!”

Glomgold shoved the packet down his throat. Including the wrapper. “THAT’S FOXY GRANDPA TO YOOH!” He shouted as he choked down the food like a baby bird being fed. 

Ellie sighed, finally standing up. Those snacks were for her child, not her post dictator Uncle. “Uncle Glomgold…”

“WOT?!” His shouting was muffled by all of the fruit gummies he still had in his mouth.

“...perhaps you should leave. I do not mean to be rude, but Mark and I really need to spend more time together with Boyd. As a family.” 

“BUT I AM YOUR FAMILY!” Glomgold slapped his chest to gesture to himself. He started tearing up and everything.

Ellie almost immediately started having an internal breakdown. She didn’t mean to make the man cry. “Uncle Glomgold, I didn’t mean-”

“NO!” Glomgold held his hands up in a “stop” gesture. He wiped his tears away with his sleeve. “IF YOU WON’T BE MEH FAMILY THEN MAYBE GLADIS AND WHATEVER THAT OTHER GUY’S NAME IS WILL BE!” Glomgold stomped his foot in anger and marched out of their room to head back to see Gyro and Gloria.

Ellie frowned before looking over at Mark. “I did not mean to hurt his feelings. I…” She just stopped there. 

He shrugged again, “Meh, let him wander around for a while. He’s such a bad meme anyways!”

“If you say so…” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	7. Cringe and Murder Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't keep track of the days y'all

It had been two days on the cruise and Glomgold STILL hadn’t found Gloria and Gyro’s room. All he wanted was to ask them to be his new family (since Mark, Ellie, and Boyd were being major DICKS) and he couldn’t find room 420. It would’ve been easy to find if he could actually read numbers so his strategy was to go from door to door and scan the key card until one opened. At night he would sleep in the hallways by the trash cans and vending machines. 

It was early morning and he had continued his third day of searching, rolling down each hall like a rollie pollie; sometimes he would cockroach crawl to scare away children that were in his way. And if he was lucky it would scare them enough to drop a slice of pizza. 

Currently it was 9 am and he had been searching for 2 hours more or less when finally a door lit up green when he scanned the card. “...wot…?” He turned to handle and it silently opened. Glomgold couldn’t even manage to scream, he was too in shock. 

He silently waddled in, not wanting to disturb his new family so early in the morning. He had to make a good first impression. The bed was squeaking and he thought one of them were having stupid nightmares like robo-babeh until he saw the top half of Gloria in a bra with Gyro above her, looking like he was about to do some pushups or some shit. 

“WOT?!” 

Gloria screamed- no wait, that was Gyro. He just sounded like a girl. 

Gyro fell off of Gloria and almost off of the bed entirely, but he was lucky enough to stay on and make sure both of them were covered. 

Glomgold waddled up to be in Gloria’s face. “WHY ARE YOU TWO FIGHTING?! CAN I JOIN!?” 

“OH MY GOD WHAT?! GLOMGOLD GET THE FUCK OUT!” Gloria grabbed a nearby pillow and smacked him with it.

He caught it in his mouth and spit it back at her. “NOOOOOO! YOU’RE MY NEW FAMILY AND THAT MEANS I CAN JOIN FAMILY FIGHTS!” That’s right; Glomgold had no idea what was actually going on. “AND I’M GOING TO WIN BECAUSE I’M FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!” 

Gyro was at a loss for words. He looked at Gloria. “I thought you latched the door shut!” 

“He’s been gone for 3 days! I just assumed he was dead!”

Glomgold pushed his fat body onto the bed to sit between them. Thankfully he stayed above the blankets. He looked over at Gloria and blinked slowly. One eye at a time. “Wot? Why are you in a…” He didn’t want to say the word. “B-r-a-w…?” he whispered, covering one side of his mouth so Gyro couldn’t hear.

Gloria covered her face with her hand in embarrassment. “Glomgold, you have 2 fucking seconds to get the hell off our bed and out of the room before I snap your fat body in two!”

“Oh...I see…” He scratched his beard. A cheeto fell out so he ate it. “Do you have one in my size?” He gestured to himself. “I need something with underwire. I like the lace you have on yours.” 

“ARE YOU ASKING FOR ONE OF MY BRAS!? WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“UHHHH….YAAAAAAA!” 

Gyro shoved Glomgold off the bed. Glomgold did have to tumble over Gloria sadly, but it got the job done. “GET THE FUCK OUT, GLOMGOLD! YOU ARE INVADING OUR PRIVACY! YOU ARE DISGUSTING!”

“DON’T YOU TOUCH ME DR. FUCKFACE! I DON’T SEE HOW A FAMILY FIGHT IS A PRIVATE MATTER! I AM THE MASTER OF FIGHTS! I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD!” Spit flew out of his mouth, along with cheeto dust, as he pushed himself off the ground and put the sides of his hands on the bed. “AND YOU TWO ARE MEH NEW FAMILY!” 

Gyro nearly passed out. “WHAT?!”

“MARK AND ELLIE AND THAT LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT,” He was referring to Boyd. “ARE A BUNCH OF BITCHES! YOU BOTH WILL BE A BETTER FAMILY!” He laid a hand on Gloria’s shoulder. “YOU’RE MEH NEW ROBO-BABEH!” 

She swatted Glomgold’s hand off of her like it was a mosquito. “GET OUT! WE AREN’T YOUR FAMILY!”

“WOT?!” Glomgold started tearing up. “WHY?!”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE AN EVIL POST-DICTATOR WHO ALMOST GOT US KILLED MULTIPLE TIMES, NOT TO MENTION YOU ARE THE MOST ANNOYING AND IDIOTIC MAN IN THE WORLD! AND THAT’S SAYING A LOT BECAUSE MARK IS HERE TOO!” Gyro spat. “NOW GET OUT!”

“B-BUT! THAT WAS YEARS AGO! I NEED A FAMILYYYY!” He wiped his eyes. 

“You like sharks don’t you?! Why don’t you throw yourself overboard and have a family with some sharks!”

Glomgold was so desperate he hopped onto the bed again and bowed before a shirtless Gyro and Gloria with still just a bra on. “PLEASE! I, FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, BEG YOU TO TAKE ME INTO YOUR FAMILY!” He sniffled. “AND GIVE ME A BRA! I NEED BOTH TO SURVIVE! I’LL DO ANYTHING!” He looked up at the two of them. “OH, I KNOW! ONCE I TAKE OVER THE WORLD I WON’T KILL YOOH!” 

Gyro made eye contact with Gloria. 

“We’re going to have to pass.” He muttered.

Glomgold turned to Glora. “I DEMAND YOU CONVINCE YOUR HUSBAND TO CHANGE HIS MIND!” 

Gyro and Gloria were still not married and probably weren’t going to be anytime soon; Glomgold was still just a stupid fuck so…

“HE ISN’T MY-” Gloria closed her eyes and sighed to calm down. “Okay… Glomgold, if you leave now, I’ll give you my bra. You can do whatever the hell you want with it! Wear it, sell it, I don’t care just please PLEASE leave!”

“WOT ABOUT BEING A FAMILY?!!!!” 

“LEAVE TO HAVE US THINK ABOUT IT!”

Glomgold blinked slowly. 

Gyro scoffed. “DUCK JESUS, JUST FUCKING GO!” 

“Oh...I see…” He jumped off the bed and waddled over to the underwear drawer. He had to open a few to find Gloria’s bras. He took a handful before waddling to the door. He turned around to look at them one last time. “Think about it.” And then he shut the door to scuttle back down the hall to who knows where.

Gyro ran his hands down his face. “...what the fuck?!”

“He took more than one! I’m going to kill him.”

“You’re going to kill him over that?! He walked in on us and wanted to join the ‘fight’! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” Gyro jumped out of bed and started getting dressed. “I don’t know what the hell Mark and Ellie did to send him our way and beg to be part of our ‘family’, but I’m going to KILL them!” 

Gloria sighed again. “I’ll talk to Ellie about it. Maybe we can figure out a solution to our Glomgold problem.”

Gyro looked over at her, still buttoning up his stupid Banana Republic shirt. “If you don’t talk to her today I’m probably going to strangle both of them.” That was an intense statement, but Gyro was mcfreaking losing it. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ma Beagle was chilling at the bar; having her fifth Tom Collins. A classy drink. Her favorite three sons were going down water slides and she went over her evil master plan in her head. If she couldn’t take Duckburg back from Scrooge for the sake of the Beagles; she was going to own this McDuck cruise company. 

Yes. The cruise was owned by McDuck enterprises or whatever. This ship and all ships owned by him were going to be hers and hers alone. And she would sink this one if she ended up having to make a statement. Homie had an emergency getaway plan with Magica De Spell who was currently working at the shittiest cruise restaurant. 

Sudden scuttling was heard from behind her. 

“OI!” 

She rolled her eyes. Ma Beagle knew who the hell that was. She turned, slowly taking off her sunglasses and hooking them to her mom shirt collar. “Flintheart, what the hell are you doing on this cruise? ...and why are you wearing so many bras?” 

“DON’T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, KATHERINE!” He hopped on the stool to sit beside her and slammed his head on the table. He quickly shot it up to say “I’LL HAVE AN APPLE JUICE!” Before slamming his head back down again. 

“Whatever you’re going through, I don’t care.” 

Glomgold turned his head to the side, still on the bar, to look at her. “I DON’T HAVE A FAMILY, KATHERINE! WILL YOOH BE MY FAMILY?!”

She scoffed. “After last time? Absolutely not.” She took another sip of her fancy drink like the badass bitch she was. She had no time to deal with him. She may be planning evil schemes, but she was still on vacation.

“Oh...I see… WELL YOU’RE ON THIS CRUISE BECAUSE YOO MUST HAVE AN EVIL MASTER PLAN!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH!”

“That’s none of your damn business.”

“IS IT TO TAKE DOWN SCROOGIE?!!!!!”

“THAT’S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!”

He finally sat up and rubbed his hands together like a fly. “Oh IT IS THEN!”

“YOU’RE NOT GETTING INVOLVED!”

“SO YOOH ADMIT IT!”

Children in the pool nearby, as well as other cruise passengers, started looking at the two fighting at the side bar. 

Glomgold was smart enough (arguably) to notice and lowered his voice. Sort of. “I want in!” He did his signature rubbing hands like a fly gesture again.

“No. Just… no.” 

Ma Beagle sighed and thought to herself for a minute. She definitely was going to need more shots. “You know what, Flintheart? Fine.”

He blinked slowly again. “WOT?!”

She wasn’t stupid. Glomgold had no skills BUT he could be used as a distraction. He could cause some destruction on the ship to get the attention of workers, as well as the captain. Perhaps he could even gnaw through the lock. And when her and the beagles, as well as Magica, were done with him, they could just throw him overboard. “Yeah, Flintheart. You can help us out.” She slid her phone number over to him and winked. “Gimme a call.”

Glomgold looked at her, then at the slip of paper, and then back at her. “Uhhh.. I don’t have a phone.”

“Steal one from a kid.” 

“BRILLIANT! I’LL CALL YOU TONIGHT AND EVERY 10 MINUTES!” He shouted before cockroach crawling away to harass children.

Ma Beagle smiled to herself. She would eventually get rid of him. Dealing with him for just a little bit would be of no big deal. Probably. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark, Boyd, and Ellie sat on pool lounge chairs overlooking the ocean. Mark was suntanning while taking selfies obviously, Boyd was playing on his DS, and Ellie looked like she was sleeping but she was actually just reading Joseph Cambell’s “The Hero’s Journey” in her data. 

She was very unhappy she couldn’t focus on it as much as she wanted too with the family next to them being so excruciatingly loud. She looked over at the overweight dad with ten empty cans of Corona beer before she groaned and pulled down her sunglasses. 

The middle aged man noticed. “Uhh... you got a problem?”

“You are going to die from liver failure.” She stated bluntly before turning her head back to look at the ocean. Her statement was true. She did a scan. Dude had two weeks. 

He sat up in his chair. “Excuse me?!”

Mark sat up too and looked at the both of them to see the tea go down. “Dude, what’s your problem? You can leave us alone now? Like, do you know who I am?!” He gestured to himself.

He paused, his eyes widening. “M-mark Beaks?!”

Mark did a finger gun and wink at the guy. “The one and only!”

“Uhhhh y-yeah. I’ll totally chill out, dude.” He turned his attention back to his wife and started loudly blabbering about how there was a celebrity on the ship until he moved onto how drunk he was. 

Ellie turned her head to look at Mark. “I still want to murder him but thank you anyway. It is not that big of a deal. He has two weeks.” With that she closed her eyes to continue reading. 

Mark smiled. He was about to go back to suntanning but he saw two familiar figures in the corner of his eyes talking to one another. He almost jumped out of his seat. “Shit! Ellie grab Boyd, we gotta get out of here!” He scanned the area to see where he could leave without being noticed by Ma Beagle and Magica. He wasn’t scared of them obviously, he just didn’t want shit happening on his totally chill vacay. Plus they were annoying as hell. 

Both Boyd and Ellie looked at him. Ellie took off her sunglasses. “Pardon?” 

“Yeah. Are you okay, dad? I was having a good time playing on my DS! I promise I’m not bored.” 

“No no it’s Magica and Ma Beagle! They are right over there!” Mark pointed to them “I don’t know, but I’m getting bad vibes from them. They’re totally going to ruin one of my selfies and the vacay. I can feel it! Ughhhh! This is #lame!”

“How do you know them?” Ellie paused. She wanted to offer something to Mark but not in front of Boyd. She looked over to the father next to them that was currently cat calling women and then down at the cans littering the floor around his chair. “Boyd?” She asked. “Do you mind getting me a Corona Beer? You can grab yourself some apple juice as well.” 

“Sure!” He happily hopped up, not questioning why his mother wanted a drink when she couldn’t drink anything. How he was going to get his hands on a beer was unknown. He could handle it.

When Boyd was out of earshot Ellie looked back over to Mark. “If they are that big of an issue I can just stab them.” Mother of the year for planning murder behind her son’s back. 

“Nah. That would be really lit to watch but I don’t want to deal with any of their bs on our vacay!”

“If you know them, why not talk to them and figure something out to avoid issues?” 

“Ugh noooooooo! Because then I would have to talk to them and I don’t wanna!”

Ellie gave him a look. “Go talk to them, Mark.” 

He slumped down in his chair and groaned before finally getting up to talk to them. God. Curse love slash hate relationships. 

Ma Beagle caught sight of him immediately. “Glomgold and now Mark Beaks? Great.” She muttered to Magica. Mark was close enough to hear that but approached anyway. The two looked at him with distaste. “The fuck you want, Beaks?” 

He smiled and pointed finger guns at them “Hey hey hey! Sooooooo what’s uppppppp?”

“Go away.” Magica demanded before taking a sip of good old fashioned Ginger Ale with a slice of lemon. She was in her work uniform but it was currently her break and she couldn’t be caught drinking alcohol during her shift. Again. So Ginger Ale it was.

“Yeah, so like, I’m enjoying this cruise so far. I got some hot selfies, I gained a shit ton of followers. You know the deal. And I really don’t want you guys messing it up because I am a man who needs a break.” He gestured to himself, showing off his shitty hawaiin shirt. “If I don’t de-stress, I’m going to get wrinkles and we can’t have that. Ya dig?” 

Magica cringed at his shirt. For someone obsessed with his image, he had a horrible fashion sense. At least his hair was alright. “You’re telling us this because…?”

“Because I want to make sure you aren’t pulling any evil bullshit on my cruise. If we were back in Duckburg I would totes be in, but now is not the time. Aight? Aight.” 

Ma Beagle crossed her arms, pumping out a hip like the sassy queen she was. “Even if we were pulling evil “bullshit”, we wouldn’t allow you to be involved to begin with.”

“Soooooo….” Mark started tweeting and playing Mario Kart. Gotta multitask. “Whatcha guys’ planning? #gimmedeets.” 

“We aren’t doing anything, Beaks. Now screw off.” 

That’s all Mark needed to hear. “Aight. Peace.” He started walking away before giving them one more look. “Also… Stay out of my selfies.” He walked back to Ellie and sat back down to finish getting his beautiful golden tan. He pulled his sunglasses down to look at Ellie who now had a beer. “Ummmm, you drink now?”

“No. I am not capable of drinking. I have a plan.” 

She looked over to the man next to them. He wasn’t talking to her anymore but he was still loud and Ellie still couldn’t read. 

“AND THAT’S WHY YOU DON’T SHIT AT MIDNIGHT IN A TOASTER!”

Ellie tapped his shoulder. “Excuse me, sir?” 

The guy turned around to look at Ellie again “Yeah, whaddya want?”

She held up the beer. “I’ll give you this if you would please quiet down. I am trying to read.” 

He gave her a confused look. “You don’t have a book though.”

“DO YOU WANT THE BEER OR NOT?!” 

“Jeez, lady, fine! Yes, I’ll take the beer!” He held his hand out.

Ellie chucked the beer at his head, knocking him out. His wife screamed and looked at Ellie in shock. 

“Your husband has two weeks to live.” She said before laying back down. Damn Ellie was a badass! Some of the blood from the dude’s head started trailing toward her chair but whatever. It was worth it for some peace and quiet for her and her family. 

Boyd continued slurping on his juice box. He was so concentrated on his DS that he didn’t notice what just went down. Ellie knew that. She would never be violent if he was watching. Like I said, mom of the year award. 

The woman helped her husband up so they could find a medic. Because they left a trail of blood behind them, no one dared to sit near Ellie, Boyd, and Mark. Some kids did slip on the blood though.

“Now we do not have a noise problem.” Ellie said matter-of-factly.

“Was there blood?” Mark asked in a chill manner. He didn’t even bother to watch, he was too relaxed.

“Yes.”

“Cool.” Mark put his hands behind his head. “Finally we can get some peace and qu-”

“Hey bitches!” Gloria had entered the chat.

Boyd looked up first and smiled. “Hi, Aunt Gloria!”

Ellie was next to look over, though she still had her eyes closed. “Hello, best friend.” 

She sat on Boyd’s chair because there was room. “Hey, bestie! So you’ll never fucking guess what the hell happened earlier!”

“Don’t care. Ellie just knocked out a dude for us to get some peace and quiet so can you, like, leave?” 

“Woah shit, really? Is that why there’s blood everywhere?”

“Nevermind that.” Ellie sat up. “What happened?”

Gloria was about to spill her tea but she realized that Boyd was around. “Ummm…”

Ellie noticed the look on her face. “Boyd? Can you-”

“Boyd. Leave for a second and do whatever kids do. Be back in five or something.” Mark waved him off. He wouldn’t admit it, but Mark wanted the tea too.

“Okay! I’ll go get chocolate milk, if that’s okay with you, mom!”

Ellie nodded and he skipped off, and then he stopped because you weren’t supposed to skip by the pool so he walked slowly like the good child he was. 

“Spill it, sis. We don’t have all day.” 

“Okay okay. So. Guess who fucking walked in on me and Gyro “Fighting”.” Gloria did a quotation mark gesture with her fingers.

Ellie frowned. “You two were fighting again? That is a shame. Mark and I have been getting along quite nicely.” 

“Ha! No no not actually fighting! That’s what Glomgold calls sex apparently. So yeah, that happened. It was AWFUL! Then, HE. WOULDN’T. LEAVE! I had to have him take all of my bras just so he could leave!”

Mark took out his phone to start tweeting about this. “Okay, first of all, EW! Gyro of all people. God. Second of all. Glomgold walked in? That’s kinda kinky. Are you guys into that?” 

“Mark what the fuck?! NO!” Gloria made a note to self to never tell Mark anything anymore. If she saw anything about this on Twitter, his phone was going overboard.

“Oh gosh. I’ll have to have a word with my Uncle but I have not seen him in the past few days after our fight.” 

“Yeah he mentioned something about that. He said he wanted us to be his new family? What did you guys do because I need to take notes!”

“No. Don’t tell her, Ellie.” Mark started taking more selfies to post on Twitter so he had a pic to go along with the story he was being told. “They can keep him.”

Ellie ignored Mark’s request. “I politely asked him to give us some space so Mark, Boyd, and I could have some time to ourselves. He made me rather upset when he stole Boyd’s snack. Needless to say, he took that to heart and left the room crying. We have gotten into larger fights before so I do not see why he was so affected by it this time around.” 

“Well damn! Now that he’s upset with you guys he’s going to spend all of his time bothering me and Gyro! You gotta help us out!”

“You want help, I gotchu.” Putting his phone down, Mark sat up. If he was looking away from tech it meant he had a mega good idea. “I say you guys bang it out again. When Glomgold walks in, explain what you’re doing. No. Better yet, let him see what you’re doing. He’ll get so freaked he’ll leave and you’ll never have to see him again! He’ll probably jump overboard!” He gave himself a high five with his phone app. “I’m a GENIUS!” 

As stupid and innapropriate that plan was, Mark was serious about it. The worst part was that Gloria was actually considering it. After a few minutes to think it over she shook her head. “I don’t think Gyro and I want to go through that kind of trauma again… If he could just, I dunno… I don’t wanna say DIE but… die.”

“OOooooh. Tell ya what. We poison his drink.” 

“Do you think nausea medicine would work? Like, if I took his water and spiked it?”

“Like, you mean you think that would kill him? If you put enough in I don’t see why not! Hell yeah!”

“Wait. No.” Ellie waved her hands. “You cannot kill my Uncle!” 

“Why not?! He sent us to a camp! ANDDDDDDD he basically commanded Steelbeak to hurt Boyd!”

“Who?”

Mark groaned. “Nevermind! But think about it. He sent Boyd to the camp and got him hurt! It was him!” 

Ellie took a moment to think. “An entire package should be enough to kill him.” 

Gloria smirked. “I’ll add three for good measure.”

Mark put his hands out to get everyone’s attention. “Okay. Here’s the plan. We go to a family dinner tomorrow night, ugh, Gyro can come too I guess. ANYWAY, we invite Glomgold and say we want to be one big HAPPY family again. Kay? We spike his drink when he isn’t looking and BAM. DEAD!”

“People will just assume he had a heart attack.” Ellie added. 

“The fact that you guys are on board with murder is very reassuring.” Gloria didn’t feel left out on the murder ideas anymore. I mean, Gyro wanted to kill, yes, but he wanted to kill Mark and Ellie and that’ll never happen. Glomgold was a target that everyone wanted to shoot an arrow through.

“I’ll book a table at the 5 star restaurant so we can freak out all the other rich people. I need to assert my dominance.” Mark smirked to himself just thinking about it. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	8. The Murder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! I forgot to post all week! Updates are still Sundays and Wednesdays!

Despite it being midday, it was primarily pitch black in Mark and Ellie’s suite. 

The whole point of going on the cruise to begin with was to work on their relationship and be intimate as Ms. Kris had suggested, and the two took that to heart even if they lowkey hated the women and wouldn’t be seeing her again. But with Boyd around, Ellie hadn’t had the chance to be alone with Mark for the entirety of the cruise until now. 

As much as Ellie absolutely adored Boyd, she was grateful there was a child activity fest all day; it gave Boyd the chance to befriend other children on the cruise and gave Mark and herself the chance to be alone together. 

As might be expected, they used the past few hours to their advantage. Glomgold may have been avoiding them for the past few days but Mark was smart enough (for once) to latch the door for safety; Glomgold was a goddamn enigma and popped up when everyone least wanted him to.

Mark was tuckered the hell out and felt like he was going to pass out at any second. The only thing keeping him awake was the feeling of Ellie in his arms. If he was being honest with himself, he was actually jealous of Ellie at the moment because she didn’t have the ability to get tired. Though he would’ve assumed she was shut down anyway if he hadn’t noticed her shifting her head closer to his chest slowly over the past few minutes. It was like she was trying to be sneaky about it, which she most likely was. 

The side of her head was pressed against his chest now, pushing into it. She wanted to listen to his heartbeat, that was currently pumping fast and irregularly, and Mark knew why. Ellie didn’t have a heart of her own and was very interested in Mark’s, wanting to study how it worked. It kind of freaked him the fuck out but whatevs. Robots did weird robot things. 

He liked the feeling of her head on his chest despite the creepy reasoning behind it.

“Mark?”

The room was so silent that her voice ringing through the air so suddenly scared the shit out of him. He managed to respond nonchalantly but she noticed his heart beat speed up. 

“Sup.”

“Remember how I said that I loved you because I hated you? You told me you felt the same way and that our relationship is based around hate.” 

Mark didn’t feel the need to respond to that because she was going to continue anyway. He had no idea where she was going with this and was eager for her to go on so his unexpected curiosity could be put to rest. 

“I understand if you do not feel the same as I do, but I do not hate you, Mark. Nor do I dislike you. Not anymore. I should have never said that I did.” Ellie’s tone was a bit somber. She was very afraid he still hated her, even if it was shown through love. “I discovered that although our personalities are very conflicting, I find the differences between us to be charming. I have studied many organics that I have encountered and you have a very powerful personality compared to the rest of them. I do not like you because I hate you. I like you because you are not afraid to speak your mind or stand up for your personal morals. You are very passionate about your interests. I like you because you never get stressed and you take everything with a grain of salt. You are not uptight or over-think things like I do. You allow me to view the world from a very different perspective that my programming would not allow otherwise. You not only rebuilt me when I was shot and repaired me multiple times, but you also saved my life. I do not recall from who exactly but I do remember I was in a very dangerous situation and you risked your life to save me. You may not say it but you care for me more than anyone else does. As a robot it is to be expected that most people view me as insentient or as an object when they find out what I am. But you never did. You always viewed me as my own person and that means more to me than you know.” Mark thought she was done for a moment but she added one more thing to wrap it all up. “I apologize if I rambled on for a bit but I just wanted you to know all of that. I do not hate you. I don’t believe I have ever said this out loud to you but… I love you, Mark.”

It’s been a while since anyone has ever said “I love you” to Mark Beaks. Sure, he gets comments and emojis everyday from his fans, but never in real life. His heart actually skipped a beat when Ellie said that last line and she heard it happen. His mind was blank for a while. He had never had anyone speak to him like that before nor did he know what to say back. He held Ellie tighter in his arms and rubbed circles on her back to let her know that he was awake and listening, giving him a bit more time to come up with a response back. “... Shit. I know I said that our relationship had this whole love hate thing, but to be honest I never believed that. I’m not sure why I even said it to begin with. Maybe I was scared, angry, I dunno. But… God, Ellie, I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it back but I love you too.”

An arm wrapped around Mark in return. 

Ellie didn’t say anything back. She didn’t know what to say. No one had ever said “I love you” to her either (obviously) and she never expected it. The fact Mark had said it in return, genuinely, made her circuits warm. Instead of responding, she smiled and continued to listen to his heartbeat that was gradually calming down. She wanted to shut down like this, in his arms, and have him sleep beside her.

Mark looked down at her and smiled “Thank you for the hug. I really need it right now. Opening up is some scary shit, ya know?” He laughed at his own joke to lighten the mood a bit.

It was so dark they could barely see each other but Ellie still made a confused expression. “My arms are tucked in front of me. What do you mean?” 

“Hey do you guys have any more goldfish?” Glomgold peaked his head out and poked Mark in the cheek to get his attention.

There was a moment of silence after that. They couldn’t see him but that scottish accent was recognizable enough. 

Ellie was the first to break it and she let out an ungodly scream before shoving Mark into Glomgold to hopefully get him off the bed. It didn’t work and she was the one to fall instead. 

Glomgold wiggled his body onto the bed more and sat at the end. No one could see him but he was just staring. “WHY IS IT SO DARK IN HERE?!” He slapped the bed with his hands to help draw more attention to himself.

Ellie scrambled a few feet away from the bed and threw her dress back on before the lights were turned back on again. She could only pray to God that Mark did the same. Neither of them had said anything to Glomgold yet and it was only making him angrier. 

“OI! ARE YOOH SLEEPING OR WHAT?! TURN THE LIGHTS ON ALREADY I WANT FOOD!”

Mark still hadn’t said anything and Ellie wondered if he was in shock. Most likely. But that meant she had to take the initiative. She stood up and switched on the lamp.

Sure enough, there was Glomgold, his beady eyes boring into her. 

“...how long have you been in here?” 

Glomgold didn’t even bother to respond. He just fell back onto the bed and slapped his tummy.

“UNCLE GLOMGOLD! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN HERE?!” 

“OI! QUIT YER YELLIN! I JUST WANT SOME SNACKS AND THEN I’LL GO!”

“ANSWER MY QUESTION!” 

Glomgold shrugged. “WELL I WAS GOING TO ASK FOR GOLDFISH EARLIER BUT THEN YOU TURNED THE LIGHTS OFF SO I ASSUMED YOU WERE GOING TO SLEEP.” He continued “BUT THEN I HEARD YOOH TWO FIGHTING! I WOULD’VE ASKED TO JOIN BUT GLADIS AND OTHER GUY DIDN’T LIKE THAT ALL THAT MUCH SO I JUST FIGURED I WOULD WAIT UNDER THE BED UNTIL YOOH TWO WERE DONE SO I COULD FINALLY ASK FOR GOLDFISH! IT HAS GOLD IN THE NAME JUST LIKE ME, WHICH MAKES IT COOL!”

Ellie’s circuits nearly burst. She looked over at Mark who still wasn’t dressed but thankfully had the cover over him. 

Mark covered his face with his hands “Oh my god, dude. Not cool!”

“WOT?! WOT DID I DOOOOOOO?!” He wiggled himself off the bed to start roaming around the room to look for the well-hidden goldfish.

Enough was enough. Ellie lost her shit completely. She walked over to him and slapped him so hard he fell over. “HOW DARE YOU! THE ONE TIME MARK AND I ARE ALONE TOGETHER YOU’RE HERE?!!! DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH PRIVACY YOU INVADED OR ARE YOU JUST THAT DULL-WITTED?!” 

While Glomgold was distracted, Mark started to get dressed while under the covers.

Glomgold blinked slowly and rubbed his cheek. 

“GOD! I CAN’T BELIEVE I WAS BUILT FOR YOU! I NEVER ASKED TO BE YOUR NIECE, YOU KNOW! BUT HERE WE ARE!” 

He looked at the corner of the room where there was a big bag full of food. He crawled on all fours over to it. “I FOUND THE GOLDFISH! MUAHAHAHAHA!” He then proceeded to eat not only all the goldfish, but the wrapping it was contained in as well.

The two just watched him make a mess; he even started rolling around in the goldfish at one point. 

Finally walking over, Ellie glared down at him. “Give me your key card. That is not a request, it is an order.” 

“NOOOOOO! NEVER! BESIDES, I DON’T EVEN HAVE IT ON ME! IT’S IN ONE OF MEH BRAS!”

Ellie started wringing him by the neck in a gesture. “THEN HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!” 

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” He threw what was left of the goldfish box at her

“I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU! DO YOU HEAR ME?! I HAVE PLANS THAT ARE BEING PUT INTO ACTION AND YOU ARE A DEAD MAN! I WILL BURN YOUR CORPSE IN THE LOBBY!” 

“OI! THAT IS NO WAY TO TALK TO YOUR UNCLE GLOMDADDEH!”

“GET OUT BEFORE I END UP KILLING YOU HERE AND NOW!” 

He groaned, making Scottish noises before getting up. He didn’t even bother to dust all of the crumbs off of his booty shorts. He figured it would be a good snack for later. “THIS IS NOT THE LAST YOU’LL SEE OF FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” With that, he slammed the door behind him. More laughter could be heard outside the door.

Ellie turned around to give Mark a look that couldn’t be described. 

Mark, now fully dressed, got up from the bed. “Dude, we have to do something about that guy. He has seriously gone too far! It was funny hearing that this happened to Gloria and Dr. Fuckface, but us!? Hell no! It’s so embarrassing that I can’t even Tweet about it!”

“My Uncle dies tonight at dinner.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Okay soooo here’s the plan…” Gloria was pacing the room in front of Gyro, ready to explain the whole “here is how we are to murder Glomgold in a 5 star resteraunt tonight” plan she discussed with Mark and Ellie.

“...what plan?” 

“I’ve talked to Ellie and Mark earlier and they’re on board with it too!”

Gyro stared at her. “You managed to actually reason with them?” He raised a brow. “Well, go on then.” He did a “shoo” motion with his hands to get her to continue speaking. 

“Okay okay so hear me out. We’ve done some pretty fucked up shit in the past, but this might take the cake. We kill Glomgold! Ellie and Mark are in on it. This fucker dies at sea, baby!”

“Howarewegoingtodoit?” Gyro spat out all too quickly. He didn’t even need to be convinced or question why the hell Ellie actually wanted to kill her own Uncle. This man had no morals anymore. If he couldn’t kill Mark, he could settle on Glomgold. Especially when he was ruining the “rom” in “rom-com”.

Gloria crouched down to rummage through her backpack before pulling out small packets of nausea medicine. She held it up for Gyro to look at. “See these? We are going to spike Glomgold’s drink with these bad boys! Put enough of this in his system and he’ll be dead by morning.”

Gyro took the packet and studied it. It was dimenhydrinate, motion sickness pills, which are indeed fatal when overdosed. “If we put an entire packet in, he may die quicker than that…”

“Well for good measure we are going with three full packets! Okay so here’s how it’s going to go down. Mark already made reservations for all of us, including Glomgold, to go to this really nice restaurant on the ship. We all go and be all buddy-buddy with him. When he isn’t looking, we spike his water.”

“We’re going to have to keep him occupied for a while to let the pills dissolve completely.”

“Good thing that bastard has the attention span of a goldfish! It shouldn’t be too difficult.”

Gyro nodded to himself. The vacation could only go up from here. “Did they already invite Glomgold? Did he agree to come?” 

“No, I think that’s on us.”

“How are we going to find him? He crawls through all the hallways faster than a-”

“OI! NEW FAMILY! LET ME IN!” He started jiggling on the door knob. It was latched so the door only opened a crack. “LET ME INNNNNNNN!” 

Gloria whispered to Gyro before getting up to open the door for Glomgold. “Follow my lead.” She closed the door long enough to open the latch and opened it wide enough for him to enter. “Heyyyyyyy Glomgold! How’s it going, buddy?”

“IF YOU MUST KNOW, GLADIS, VERY BADLY! MARK AND ROBO-BABEH YELLED AT MEH! WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME IN FIGHTS?!!!!” 

“Awww I’m sorry to hear that.” Gloria patted him on the head. “Would wearing one of my bras make you feel any better?”

He sniffled and nodded his head. “Yeee, this one got ruined when I was rolling around in goldfish.” He gestured to the lacy one he was wearing. The lace was indeed falling off. “DO YOU HAVE ONE WITH WIRE? I NEED MORE SUPPORT!” 

Gloria pointed to her drawer. “Pick whichever one you like!”

“MOVE!” He pushed Gloria out of the way and waddled over to the drawer, throwing all the bras and underwear on the ground to sort through them. 

Gyro slowly walked over. “Soooo, Glomgold, Gloria and I spoke about taking you in as a family member annnnnndddd…” God, he didn’t want to say it. “And we would love for you to be our new Uncle! Yayyyyyy…”

Glomgold made a 180 while holding onto some bras. “REALLY?! YOOH MEAN IT?!”

“Yep! Life would be pretty boring without you, Glomgold. I would honestly die.” Gloria smiled and crossed her arms.

Gulping, Gyro looked over at Gloria. His eyes darted back to Glomgold and he gritted through his teeth, “Maybe you can even join one of our fights sometime. Huh? How does that sound?” Dude had to say whatever it took to earn Glomgold’s undivided love and trust for a few hours.

Gloria gave him a confused look. It was short lived because Glomgold shoved her again. “WHAT?! FOR REAL?!” Glomgold did a little hop while looking up at Gyro who was like a fucking skyscraper compared to him.

“Of course! In FACT, we reserved a seat for you at the 5 star restaurant on the ship so we can bond as a family. Ellie and Mark are even coming along to apologize to you. They gave us a quick call just before you showed up.” A sick idea came to mind. “I’m sure they would love to apologize to you for not including you in the fight.” Yeah. He really just wanted to fuck with Mark more. This dinner was going to be the best. 

“WELL THEY SHOULD BE! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG!”

“Awww we know, Glomgold! But don’t worry about it anymore! We can let by gones be by gones at dinner. Plus, hey, it’s a formal event so I’ll even let you wear one of my bras to dinner. How does that sound?” She hated the fact that he was stretching out and destroying all of her bras but at this point Gloria would do whatever it took to get him off their back. Permanently.

“OI!” Glomgold put the fanciest bra he could pick and put it over his “Foxy Grandpa” shirt. “HOW DOES THIS OUTFIT LOOK FOR DINNER?!”

“Gyro, you wanna answer him?” Now she was just fucking with the both of them.

That earned a look from him before he gave another unnatural and overly stretched smile to Glomgold. “You look astonishing!” 

“WOT?! YOU TWO ARE SO NICE! TOO BAD I CAN’T SAY THE SAME THING IN RETURN!” He waddled over to the both of them to whisper, “Do yooh think they will have Goldfish?”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark and Ellie sat at the white clothed, candle-lit, table in their best attire. The kid activity fest went on into the night. All the children were now watching Frozen, giving the adults at the table the option to kill Glomgold without Boyd being present. It was perfect. 

Mark looked at his Gucci watch for the time. “Ugh, what’s taking them so long?! The sooner we can kill him, the better!”

Ellie sighed. “I should not have snapped like I did. Perhaps it is taking more convincing on Gloria and Gyro’s half to get him to agree to this. I hope they still manage. I do not want to have to wait another day.”

“WOTS UP, BICTHESSSSSS! GLOMGDADDEH IS IN THE HOUSE!” Glomgold was small so he was able to waddle his way to their table without being noticed by them. Gloria and Gyro followed behind him. 

“Uncle Glomgold! It is so nice to see you after this afternoon. I apologize for my behavior.” Ellie didn’t want to call him “Uncle” anymore, but she had to keep her shit together. For the sake of ending his pathetic life. Plus it was just a habit. 

Gloria and Gyro sat next to each other at the table, having Glomgold sit at the head. There was a booster seat waiting for him! It took a few jumps but Glomgold was able to get himself into the booster seat all by himself.

“Thank you for inviting my Uncle.” Ellie smiled toward both Gyro and Gloria. “I am sure he will appreciate the meal immensely.” 

“I WANT CHICKIE NUGGIES!” He banged his fists on the table.

Magica walked up to the table. She gave Glomgold an infuriated look before turning to the rest of them. “What do you bitches want?”

“CHICKIE NUGGIES!”

“We don’t have that, Glomgold. Pick something else. Maybe poison.” Little did Magica know, that plan was already being put into action. 

Mark, Ellie, Gloria, and Gyro all looked at each other nervously. 

“Oh… I see… errmmmmmm! I DUNNO! GIVE ME MORE TIME, WOMAN!” 

Magica sighed and just handed them all water. “I don’t care what else you want to drink. I’ll get you all champaign whether you like it or not.” Magica left their table before anyone could respond.

Glomgold looked at everyone at the table. “DO ANY OF YOOH HAVE A CRAYON I COULD DRAW ON THE TABLE WITH! I’M BORED!”

Ellie took out a red marker from her purse. “Here you go, Uncle Glomgold. I brought it just for you. Think of it as an apology.” She placed it down in front of him. 

He did a happy Scottish grunt before taking the cap off of the sharpie. He started to draw a doodle of Scrooge being eaten by robotic sharks coming from a volcano. He happily chewed on the marker cap while he worked.

While Ellie was keeping Glomgold occupied, Mark leaned over the table. “Did you bring the nausea shit or what?” 

“Of course, dumbass!” Gloria took the nausea medicine packets out of her purse and placed them in a spot on the table where Glomgold couldn’t see. It wasn’t like he would care anyways.

“Yoooo, G-gold.” Mark snapped in his face to get his attention. “Magica was totes lying about the Chickie Nuggies. You should go bother her about it.”

“WOT?!” Without any further explanation, he hopped off his booster seat and scattered toward the kitchen. 

Mark immediately took all the packets and started dumping the pills into his drink. The glass was clear and water was spilling out from all the pills packed in. “Shiitttttt. Can this dissolve any faster? #wtf!” 

“Use your spoon to stir it, maybe?” Mark had a spoon but Gloria offered for him to use her’s instead.

“No. That won’t work in time.” Gyro snatched the water glass and hid it behind a menu. He replaced Glomgold’s with his own water. “Once it’s dissolved, we’ll switch them around.”

“Wait.” Gloria grabbed Glomgold’s sharpie and made a small mark on the side of the spiked glass. “There. Now we won’t get any of the glasses mixed up.”

“Yooooo that’s cray smart.” Mark had to give credit where credit was due. “Man, we probably would’ve gotten fucked!” 

“THEY DON'T HAVE CHICKIE NUGGIES! 5 STAR MY ASS!” Glomgold sat back on his chair, a slap mark prominent on his face; probably from Magica. 

“That is a shame, Uncle Glomgold.” Ellie held up a kids menu that was placed on the table earlier. “Why don’t you look at this instead? They seem to have lovely french fries.” 

“THEY DO?! GIVE MEH THAT!” Glomgold snatched the sheet of paper from Ellie and read all five options that children could eat.

Magica walked back over with the champagne and slapped them down on the table, so hard that some spilled over the glass and onto the table. “Order your food now or I’m not coming back.” 

“Do you have motor oil?” Ellie asked.

“No, freak.” She scoffed. “Now what about the rest of you?” 

“I’ll have the spaghetti, K? Make sure that the noodles are placed nicely on the plate for instagram. Oh oh! And could you have it be exactly 5 meatballs on the top? Great, thanksssss!”

“I’ll make sure to tell the chefs you want it to look like shit.” 

“Could I have the ratatouille?” Being in this fancy ass restaurant reminded Gloria of Ratatouille.

“Whatever. What about you, incel who’s name I never remember.”

Gyro took great offense to that, but moved on with his order. “I’ll have the, um, the galette with extra fromage?”

“Will that be Gluten Free?”

“...yes…” 

Magica scribbled that on her notepad. “That’s disgusting. I’m just giving you a hot bowl of water. No soup. Just water.”

“I’LL HAVE THE DINOSAUR SHAPED NOODLE MAC N CHEESE WITH FRENCH FRIES, BITCH!” Glomgold finally announced. He was very pissed he had to go last but kept it together. Everyone always saved best for last. 

Magica made a disgusted grunt in response before leaving their table. She was not getting paid enough to always deal with these freaks.

Gyro looked over at the spiked glass behind the menu. It was almost done dissolving, just a little bit longer. 

Glomgold continued his doodle. His feet weren’t touching the ground so he kicked them back and forth. He stopped doodling the third and final shark coming out of the volcano before he looked up at his “family”. “SO! WOT’S THE DEAL WITH ME NOT BEING ABLE TO FIGHT WITH YOU GUYS!? SCARED THAT I WOULD WIN, HUH?! MUAHAHA!”

“Hmmm,” Gyro tapped his chin. “That’s a question for Mark to answer. You and Ellie are a lot stronger than Gloria and I so you shouldn’t be scared of Glomgold winning, right?” 

Mark gave him an evil glare before answering. “I guess you’re right…” It wouldn’t be the end of the world for Mark if Gyro accidentally drank out of the wrong cup tonight.

“WELL, SINCE WE’RE COOL NOW, I WANNA FIGHT! FAMILY FIGHTS EVERY NIGHT!” 

Ellie laughed, an idea coming to mind. “I am sure Gyro would love to fight with you privately! He just adores your strength. He speaks of it all the time.” 

Gloria was not expecting Ellie to say that! She was just sitting at the dinner table laughing her ass off. Glomgold didn’t understand why. “He sure does, Glomgold!” Gloria added “Gyro told me all about it when we were fighting!”

“Excuse me?! I thought you were on my side!” 

Mark had gone back to tweeting like he usually did. “No one is ever on your side you dumb shit. HA! I’m tweeting that and tagging you on your professional account.” 

Gloria smiled and nudged him to let him know that she was only kidding. She had to do that a lot because he always took shit too personally. Dude had to learn somehow. 

“Oh...I see… WELL I, FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, WILL FIGHT EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU PRIVATELY!” 

Magica came by and dropped everyone’s plate on the table. She didn’t give the correct order to the right person but whatever. She did her job and left the table.

Gyro had Glomgold’s order and Glomgold had Gyro’s. Glomgold threw what was Gyro’s bowl of hot water onto the floor and grabbed his Mac n Cheese with fries. “GIMME!” The plate was excruciatingly hot but Glomgold didn’t feel pain. He would probably get blisters later and wonder where they came from. 

Gyro didn’t mind having his bowl of hot water knocked on the ground; in fact, everything worked out perfectly. “Hey, Glomgold. I believe Magica accidentally gave me your drink instead. Here you go!” He handed over the spiked water, the pills fully dissolved. The water had been on the table for a long time but Glomgold was so stupid he didn’t notice and believed the water had just been placed down. 

“GIMME!” 

“Here you go, Glomgold. Enjoy your drink. It’s just for you.” Gyro smiled, switching the drinks around.

Everyone now was watching Glomgold anxiously. He was munching away at his food like an animal, not noticing their stares. All he needed to do was chug the water down. He grabbed his water glass with two hands and chugged the entire thing. Some of the water spilled onto his beard. There were ugly slurping noises but no one cared. They all watched him seal his fate. When he was done he smashed the glass back down on the table and sighed. He saw that everyone was looking at him funny. “WOT?! DO I HAVE SOMETHING IN MEH TEETH?”

Ellie smiled evilly. She was getting high off of murder. “No. We are all just happy you are enjoying your meal. You deserve it after everything we have done to you.” 

Glomgold smiled. “DAMN RIGHT! YOOH WERE ALL MEAN TO MEH AND ALL I WANTED WAS A FAMILY LIKE SCROOGIE!”

Gloria started playing with her food. She suddenly didn’t feel very hungry. “Shit…”

“When you do not have a family, it is very nice to be accepted… into one…” Ellie paused before looking over at Mark. She gave him a concerned look. Glomgold was annoying as hell and murder was lowkey fun for her (when Boyd was not present), but maybe they had made a mistake. 

“MARK!” Glomgold began. “YOU ARE UGLY AND STOOPID! BUT I’M HAPPEH YOU’RE MY SON IN LAW!” 

Now it was Mark’s turn to feel guilty. “Wait, for real? Oh shit…”

“YEAH! I WOULDN’T LET ROBO-BABEH BE WITH ANYONE ELSE!” Now he turned to Gyro and Gloria. “GLADIS- NO, I MEAN GLORIA, YOU ARE A YOUNG LADY WITH SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN LIFE! I KNOW YOU’LL BECOME A SUCCESSFUL SCIENTIST LIKE GYRO IS!” 

“...oh my god...” She wished that she didn’t give Glomgold all of her nausea medicine because she could use one right about now.

“Wait…” Gyro looked at Glomgold. All of his attention was on that man wearing a bra over his tank top. “You think I’m a successful scientist!”

“DUH! HOW ELSE WOULD SCROOGIE KEEP DEFEATING ME?! HE WOULDN’T WITHOUT YOOH! I WANT YOO ON MY TEAM, Y’KNOW!” 

Gyro nearly passed out. He laid a hand on top of Gloria’s. “Oh no. Oh no we fucked up.” He whispered to her. 

“WELL… THERE IS ONE OTHER REASON WHY SCROOGE KEEPS DEFEATING ME. AND THAT’S FAMILY! ROBO-BABEH, I’M SO GLAD THAT YOU’RE MEH NIECE! AND TO THE REST OF YEH, I’M GLAD THAT YOU’RE PART OF THE FAMILY NOW TOO!”

Ellie put her face in her hands and started crying immediately. 

“DON’T CRY ROBO-BABEH! I FORGIVE YOU FOR NOT LETTING MEH JOIN THE FIGHT!” He spit up some mucus, mixed with Mac N Cheese, before continuing. “MAN, IF I HAD KNOWN HOW COOL YOU GUYS WERE I WOULDN’T OF SENT YOU AWAY TO MEH DEATH CAMP AND TRIED TO EXECUTE YOU MULTIPLE TIMES!”

And just like that, everyone snapped out of it. Yeah, that man was being nice for once, but goddamn. He literally fucking tried to kill them so many times. And Boyd. That bitch deserved to die. 

Everyone looked up at each other and the smirks returned like the evil bastards they were. 

“Yeah. Now we know you’re super cool too!” Gyro chimed in. 

“It’d suck if you died. #notcool!” Mark added. He was already typing a eulogy for Glomgold on his twitter page. 

Ellie scanned him, noticing his heart was speeding up at a very concerning rate due to the medicine. “It would be such a shame if you died in 2 minutes and 27 seconds.” 

“Yeah Glomgold. We would all miss you so much. Our lives would be a lot quieter without you.” Gloria smirked and started eating again.

“I KNOW! YOU GUYS DON’T DESERVE TO LIVE WITHOUT MEH AROUND!” He let out a ferocious burp. “MAN! NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, I DON’T FEEL SO GOOD! MY HEART’S PUMPING! MAYBE I’M FINALLY GETTING A 10 PACK! GOTTA UPGRADE FROM AN 8 SOMEHOW!” Glomgold started munching on his food again. “I, FLINTHEART GLOMGO-” His face slammed onto his plate, body going limp. His empty glass, along with his silverware, tumbled onto the floor.

Ellie scanned him before turning back to the rest at the table. “I can confirm that his heart has indeed stopped.” 

Surprisingly this didn’t cause any attention from the other people at the restaurant. No one seemed to even notice. Glomgold was so loud and annoying that everyone just blocked their table out. 

Gloria put her hand on her forehead and stared at Glomgold’s lifeless body. “Oh my god. He’s finally gone?”

Mark tapped his phone. “Just posted my eulogy. Bye-bye G-gold.” 

Nodding to herself, Ellie smiled. “I will throw his body overboard after dinner.” 

“I think we got rid of the “threat” on our vacation.” Gyro nudged Gloria. “Maybe Scrooge was right. Chaos follows but we always take it down.” 

The meal continued on, Glomgold’s body at the head of the table. Magica even stopped by a few times and noticed he was dead but she just shrugged it off and went about her business. She was happy he was gone. After Ma Beagle told her Glomgold would be in on the plan, even if it was just for a few days, the woman still wanted his ass dead sooner than that.

Mark and Gyro even stopped fighting during dinner. In fact, they managed to laugh together. No fights were started. The drama and stress ceased and they could all finally relax and get the vacation they deserve. 

“So what are your plans for the rest of the cruise, guys?” Gloria took Glomgold’s sharpie and started doodling on the table herself. She was drawing little doodles of her, Gyro, Mark, Ellie and Boyd together and happy.

Ellie intertwined her hand with Mark’s. “Well, we plan on seeing Hamlet on ice, as well as going mini golfing with Boyd. From there on we are just going to relax and play it by ear. What about you two?” 

Gyro was going to answer them but Gloria cut him off. “Probably do lots of drugs, get wasted and lose all of my money to poker and strippers.”

Ignoring that comment, Gyro continued on with his own plans. “And I’ll probably just come up with new ideas for inventions and sleep for once in my life. I actually didn’t have coffee today for the first time in years.” 

“Pft. I can never skip my daily coffee. There is an order to things!” Mark laughed, taking a selfie. “I'm going to get so many sick photos. My follower count is going to skyrocket! I mean, come on, posting family photos!? Fangirls are going to FLIP!” 

“Be sure to send me some of your family photos through the Anti Gyro Groupchat every once in a while!” Gloria smiled at the two of them. She was happy that Ellie and Mark were happy and stable again.

“Of course we will!” Ellie clasped her hands together. “You should send us your photos as well. Perhaps we could even eat out again together.” 

Gyro surprisingly nodded. “Eh. I wouldn’t mind that. But Boyd needs to start tagging along more.”

“Of course.”

“Oh! Ellie! Before I forget, remind me that I still have to teach you poker sometime! If you want we could-”

“OI! I REALLY NEEDED THAT NAP!” Glomgold shot his head up and banged his fist on the table. “I’VE NEVER FELT MORE ALIVE!” A random waitress walked by and he tugged on her apron. “GET ME MORE FRENCH FRIES! EXTRA CRISPY, BITCH!” 

The four just stared at him. Ellie had kept a close eye on him and his heart had been dead for 30 minutes and he shot back to life within mere seconds. 

Glomgold had fries stuck to his face. He didn’t mind it. He started picking the fries off of him and started eating them. Glomgold noticed that all of them were staring. “OI! WHAT’S THE DEAL? IT LOOKS LIKE YOU’VE ALL SEEN A GHOST.”

Ellie’s eye twitched. She grabbed a steak knife off of the table and tackled Glomgold. 

The other restaurant guests paid them no mind. This was your typical Thursday night thing.

She stabbed at him over and over again but his body kept morphing around the knife like some cartoon character in looney toons. “JUST! DIE! ALREADY!” 

“WOT?! NOOOOOO! I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD! I WILL NEVER DIE! MUAHAHAHA!”

Mark had seen enough. He got up from the table and dragged Ellie up off of him. “Let’s just leave already. We can try and kill him again tomorrow.”

Ellie was heaving like a mad man. She pointed the steak knife at her Uncle. “Mark my words, Uncle Glomgold. Your days are limited. You are going to pay for what you did to us and what you did to Boyd! I swear to Duck Jesus!” 

Mark smiled to himself. Not only was his girlfriend acting like a total badass, but she said “mark” and that was his name! Cool! “Alright alright, let’s just go.” He escorted Ellie out of the restaurant. He made sure that she dropped the steak knife before they left.

“MAN! SHE MUST REALLY LOVE ME, HUH?!” He turned to Gyro and Gloria. “ANYWAAAYYYYY! SO WHAT’D I MISS DURING MY NAP?!” 

Gyro was actually interested to see how a living organism could handle that much of an overdose on medicine, have their heart stop beating for minutes and come back like nothing happened. He would’ve loved to sit down with this medical marvel for research. However, that medical marvel was Glomgold so he was comfortable with the fact that he would never know how exactly he came back to life. “Well, gosh,” Gyro looked at his Banana Republic watch. It was 8:30. “It’s getting late. Guess we should go, Gloria.” He stood up, taking her hand. “See you around, Glomgold.” Hopefully they wouldn’t see him around that night. 

Glomgold would’ve gone after them, but he had new fries coming and he couldn’t pass that up! 

Magica walked up and eyed him. “So… you’re paying for everything, right?” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	9. The Strip Club

“Wow, dad! Today was really fun!” Boyd looked up at Mark and beamed, holding a lollipop in hand that Mark had bought him after their long day of mini golf. When I say long, I mean long. Mark felt like he was going to pass out.

“It was, sport!” He patted him on the head. “Just so you know, you only won because I let you win. K? K.” He took a photo of them holding the golf clubs before they put them up. 

“Okay! Thanks for letting me win!”

“Anytime.” 

Boyd yawned and rubbed his eyes. “Are we going back to the room? I’m tired and I want to see mom.”

“Nah! The night is young, baby!” Mark pumped his fists in the air before looking down at his phone to check the time. “11 pm? Pft. C’mon, suck it up.”

Boyd frowned. “...well, what are we going to do then? All the kid activities are closed.”

“Kid activities?” Mark laughed. “Hell no! You’re a man now! You can do whatever you want! I mean it. Anything.” 

That earned a smile from Boyd. He thought for a moment. “You said there were cooking lessons for boys, right? I want to earn my Junior Woodchuck cooking badge!” 

“Cooking lessons on a cruise ship? The fuck you talking about?” 

“... Mom said for you to stop using that kind of language around me.”

“Yeah whatever. Do you see your mom? Cuz I fucking don’t.” He patted him on the shoulder. “But cooking lessons? Pft. That’s BORING! Why would they have cooking lessons at 11 pm on a cruise ship? Aren’t you supposed to be smart or something?”

Damn. The parenting lessons really taught Mark nothing. 

“But you told me that there were cooking lessons for boys only!”

“God! No I didn’t!” Mark suddenly paused. Wait. He did. “Oh…. you mean the strip club?”

“Is that what they call cooking classes on a cruise?”

Mark took in a deep breath and turned to Boyd. “Yeah. About that. It’s not exactly “cooking classes” per say. But it’ll be cooking something inside your ol’ pops. I have feral instincts.” 

Boyd stared at his dad for a moment before responding. “So, is that a “yes”?”

“HELL YEAH!” Mark took Boyd’s hand and started dragging him toward the strip club. Mark hadn’t been there but goddamn he knew where it was. They had passed it plenty of times. “It’s time I show you the world Boyd. You need to know what it means to be a man!” 

Gyro stood by an ATM. “C’mon! Fucking work! I want money for a Ginger Ale!” He kicked the ATM a couple of times but decided on stopping because that may or may not be illegal.

When things couldn’t get any worse, he heard a familiar and oh so annoying voice behind him. Mark Beaks. Great. He didn’t want to look at him but with Mark, you just can’t help it. The dude is always doing something stupid. 

Gyro turned and saw Mark rambling about god knows what to Boyd who could barely keep up with him. That only made Gyro more pissed. He wanted to spend a day with Boyd but nooooooo it was Mark’s turn while Gloria and Ellie had a girls day or whatever. So he was stuck alone all day with not enough money for a Ginger Ale. He was about to turn around and start heading back to his suite to go to sleep when he heard Mark say… “Man, I’m telling ya, Boyd, strip clubs are AMAZEBALLS!” 

Was… that man taking a child into a strip club? Hell no. Gyro was not going to allow that! He started following behind them with his giant clown feet, but it was hard to not lose sight of them with the large adult crowds coming out for the night. He quickly fell behind. But, he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to that strip club to make sure Boyd was safe.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Aw man! I missed casinos! It reminds me of my days in Vegas… good times.” Gloria sighed. Her and Ellie stood at the entrance of a surprisingly large casino. If they didn’t know any better, they may as well be in a giant vegas hotel casino. You could get lost in it and everything. That was the whole point of casinos so maybe that wasn’t so surprising.

“Why did you want to come here again?” Ellie questioned, observing the area. 

“Because I want to teach you how to play poker! It’ll be fun! Plus you have cool robot powers or whatever so I’m betting that you’ll be a pro at gambling in no time!”

“Gambling is about skill and luck, not intelligence, but alright.” 

Gloria led the way and pushed two people out of their chairs at a full poker table. “ALRIGHT BITCHES! GLORIA AND ELLIE ARE IN THE HOUSE! NEW GAME! LET’S GO!” 

Both Ellie and Gloria were given their starter tokens and cards.

The table was full of drunk couples, but the most intimidating was 2 men in suits at the end of the table. They looked like professional gamblers if Ellie had to bet. Why professional gamblers were on a cruise ship was unknown but whatever. 

The game of poker continued on for a while. Gloria was helping Ellie out here and there by giving her tips on how to play her cards right. Ellie already looked up all the rules of poker in her data but she let Gloria continue on anyway so she could feel smart. 

“You see the two men at the end of the table?” Ellie whispered. 

“Yeah, what about them?” Gloria whispered back. She didn’t make eye contact with the professional suit dudes just in case they could hear them.

“I do not know how they did it, but they both have a straight flush. We cannot beat them unless either of us has a royal flush. Say check this round. Next round we bet all the money we have. And I mean all.” 

Gloria nodded “Alright. That’s a pretty big risk but you seem to be getting the hang on how this game works so let’s go for it.” 

Sure enough, the two men won that round. If Gloria had bet that round she would have lost more than the 500 she already lost. Yeah, that's how much she put in the main pot. She insisted. Bitch was crazy. 

And she stole the money from Gyro which made it even worse. That’s the reason he was at the ATM.

Sure enough the two men won that round. Ellie had about 25 dollars in tokens, she turned to Gloria. “How much money in tokens do you have again?” 

“250. Are we going all in now or what?”

“Yes. I can tell by the way the cards are being shuffled, you will be handed a straight flush. I a straight. They will have 4 of a kind and the rest a full house. They think that is what will happen so they are going to check, but if we go all in they won’t be able to pass up the oppurtunity. They’ll be willing to take the chance and go all in as well. In fact, I bet they will raise out of greed based on their body language, and you will win 1500 at least.”

Gloria honestly had no fucking clue how Ellie knew so much about poker this quickly. It’s a hard game and it’s been years since she’s played herself so she felt like her and her tips were rusty. “Alright I like those odds!” Gloria slid all of her tokens to the middle of the table. “All in.” Ellie did the same, though she only had 25 dollars worth of tokens (sad compared to Gloria) but whatever.

The drunk couple next to them, after burping, gave Gloria a crazy look. “Bitch, you put in 250? You crazy!” 

“Hell yeah I am! Now are you gonna play the game or what?!”

“Shut the fuck up!” The dude snapped before sliding all his tokens in that were a good 200 as well. “All in and raise!” 

Now the pot was a good 575 or so. 

The tuxedo dudes started whispering to one another just as Ellie had anticipated before going all in as well. “Raise” one muttered.

Ellie smirked. Fucking idiots! 

“Big game.” The handler laughed. “2000? Damn you guys.” He shrugged before handing everyone their cards.

Ellie wasn’t able to look at Gloria’s cards, but based on her expression she must’ve gotten a straight flush. 

Once everyone was handed their cards, Gloria slammed all of hers down. “STRAIGHT FLUSH, FUCKERS! ANYONE GOT A ROYAL OR DO I WIN?!” 

The tuxedo guys nearly burst. 

“SO I WIN?! AIGHT! PEACE MOTHER FUCKERS!” Gloria grabbed all the tokens and yeeted before anyone could say anything. It took awhile but Ellie finally caught up to her when she was already at the cashier, trading the tokens in for money. 

Once Gloria collected all of her earnings she smiled and turned around to show Ellie. “Dude, what did I tell ya?! It’s those robot powers you have! Here.” Gloria gave Ellie half of her earnings. “Do you want to try your hand at the slot machines? Those don’t have much to do with strategy, it's just luck.”

Ellie looked over at the Lion’s Share slot machine. The jackpot was 2,400,301 dollars. She pointed over to it. “It is not luck. We’re winning.” 

“Hell yeah we are, bitch!” The two of them walked over to an empty slot machine. “Do you want to go first?”

“You go.” Ellie requested. “I have never attempted something like this before, but I believe I can hack into the system.” Did Ellie know that was illegal? Nah. But Gloria wasn’t going to tell her that. 

Ellie murdered people before, would stealing money be any different? 

She shrugged and sat at the chair in front of the slot machine.. “Alright.” She inserted a few tokens, pressed the start buttons and began to pull the lever down.

While she did that, Ellie literally just kicked the machine in a precise area during the correct millisecond that would trigger the wires to glitch at an exact point. Aka, winning the jackpot. And yeah bitch, it worked. The slot machine made a congratulations ringing noise and the whole casino turned to look at them. The crowd roared but Ellie remained deadpanned because the all were fucking stupid. 

“Holy shit, Ellie! You and I are going to be hanging out in casinos a lot more often!”

“I do not find why money is so important but we can go to a few more machines if you wish.” 

“Hell yeah!” She gave Ellie a high five. Ellie was getting the hang on giving people high fives now becasue she lived with fucking Mark Beaks.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark finally entered the strip club along with Boyd. How he got the kid in is something you don’t need to question. 

Boyd couldn’t see what was inside yet; there was a beady curtain that blocked the room. 

“Aight, Boyd. Before we enter this room, we gotta have a talk here. A man to man talk.” 

“Sure, dad!”

“Okay, so this “strip club” isn’t cooking. You won’t be cooking chicken strips like you think.”

“Wha-”

“I’m taking you here to show you the world, sport. You need to grow up at some point and this is the way to do it. When we enter that room,” He pointed to the beady curtains. “There is going to be some shirtless and semi-naked women, okay? And we gotta respect them. Be a gentleman, you hear me?”

Boyd looked worried. “...shirtless women?”

“Yep! Think of it as a treat from me to you. You’ll finally know what it means to be a man. Maybe you’ll get that feral instinct too.” 

Boyd stayed silent for a minute. He wanted to leave. “But… won’t mom be mad you took me here? Won’t she be mad you’re around shirtless women?” 

“Pfffffft NAHHHH! She said it was alright, didn’t she?”

“You told her it was cooking-”

“Shut up.” Mark put his hand up. “Your mom doesn’t get “men” okay? PLUS the women in there actually have curves so…” 

Boyd didn’t know what that meant but he didn’t bother to ask. He nodded along and had his father of the year lead him inside. Mark went straight to the bar that was at the side wall of the large room. It was super dark inside but Boyd saw more than what he bargained for. Mark hoisted Boyd up on the bar stool and ordered himself the fanciest tequila and Boyd grape juice.

Boyd made sure to avoid looking at the stage. For his mom and for his mental state.

“Soooo whaddya think, sport?!” Mark nudged him. “We’ll get closer to the stage in a bit. Promise.” 

“Ummmm… okay.” Boyd just continued to look down at the ground.

“Just so you know, I’m getting a private dancer at some point so you can just hang out here and do whatever you want.” 

“All by myself?!

Mark raised a brow at him. “Uhhhh yeah? God. Be a man.” 

Boyd clutched his juice box tighter. “When can we leave?”

“Hmmmm….” Mark took out his phone again. It was only 11:45. “3 am at the earliest.” 

“But I should’ve been in bed hours ago! Mom is going to be angry at the both of us.”

Mark started laughing again, chugging away at his tequila. “OH MY GOD! HAHAAAAAA! She gets mad at everything but she always chills out so it’s cool. Promise. She just has, uh, spunk. Yeah! Listen, we’re just having some good old father and son time.” 

“Do other fathers and sons come here? I don’t really see any other kids my age here.”

“That’s because other dads aren’t as fucking cool as I am.” He took Boyd’s hand. “C’mon, let's go to the stage. I want a better look.” 

Boyd made a disgusted look at Mark before squinting his eyes shut and covering them with his hand. “Okay, I guess.”

Mark pushed people out of the front seat, and they gladly let him take it when they realized who it was. He was the Mark Beaks after all. “HELL YEAH, QUEENS! SLAYYYYYYY!” He pumped his fist in the air and started recording them and himself to post on instagram. 

Mark stopped long enough to grab his wallet out of his pocket. He gave Boyd a couple of dollar bills. “Here ya go, Boyd! Now, all you have to do is throw this money at the dancer you like the best!”

Without looking, Boyd nodded his head and felt around the stage in front of him before politely placing the money on the edge of it. “Okay. I did it.” 

“YO! BABEEEEEEE!” Mark shouted to one of the dancers. “COME OVER HERE SO I CAN GET A BETTER LOOK AT YA! WHOOOOOO!”

The shirtless dancer winked and came over to give Mark a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He slipped a 20 in the girl’s bikini bottom.

“Ummm...dad? I think mom is going to be reaaaaaaallly mad at you.” Boyd didn’t even need to look to know what just happened. 

“Nahhhh! It’s cool! Think of it this way. These are these women’s jobs! I’m giving them money so they can pay for college, mortgages, whatever! This is a great thing, Boyd! We are helping people.”

Suddenly a hand grabbed Boyd and clutched him tightly, tucking Boyd’s head into his shirt. “MARK, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!” Gyro glared down at him. The dancers paid him no mind. It was too loud in there for his screaming to be that much of a scene. 

Mark groaned and slumped in his chair. “Ugh. You again! Why are you always such a buzzkill, Gyro?! Boyd and I were just having father son bonding!”

“IN A STRIP CLUB? GOD!” He would’ve started strangling the man if he didn’t have Boyd tucked in his arms. “I ASSUME ELLIE DOESN’T KNOW ABOUT THIS!?” 

“DUH!” He rolled his eyes “The more important question is what are you doing here?! Huh?!”

Gyro scoffed. “BECAUSE I SAW YOU BRING BOYD IN HERE! I WASN’T GOING TO JUST STAND THERE AND LET YOU TAKE A CHILD INTO AN 21 AND UP ESTABLISHMENT!” 

“WHO CARESSSSS! I’M RICH! IF I WANT BOYD TO TAG ALONG WITH ME IN A STRIP CLUB, NO ONE AT SECURITY CAN STOP ME!”

“I AM TELLING BOTH GLORIA AND ELLIE ABOUT THIS! THEY LOVE BOYD TO DEATH JUST AS MUCH AS ME AND THEY’RE GOING TO BEAT YOUR ASS! NOT TO MENTION YOU’RE BASICALLY CHEATING!” 

Mark scoffed. “I am not cheating! I’m not even doing anything except enjoying expensive tequila and trying to bond with my son!”

“I SAW A SHIRTLESS DANCER KISS YOU!” 

“HEY! SHE CAME ONTO ME, OKAY?! I CAN’T HELP IT THAT I’M SO HANDSOME!”

Boyd looked up at Gyro. “Can we leave now, Dr. Dad? I want to see mom and Aunt Gloria and go to bed.” 

Gyro sighed. It was tempting to continue arguing with Mark but he had to get the little guy out of there. “Yeah. Let’s go, okay? Your mother will handle your dad. She won’t be mad at you.” 

Mark stood up. “YOU CAN’T TAKE MY SON AWAY FROM ME AT A STRIP CLUB! I PAID A LOT OF MONEY TO GET HIM IN HERE! I’M SHOWING HIM WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE A MAN!” 

“HE’S BUILT TO BE 10!” 

“AND?!”

Gyro continued to hide Boyd’s head. It was against his better judgement but he wasn’t going to let Mark just stay here and chill. For Boyd and Ellie’s sake. “FINE! YOU WANNA CONTINUE ARGUING?! LET’S GO!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“GET OUT AND STAY OUT!” 

Both Gloria and Ellie were shoved out of the casino. 

The guard immediately put a picture of their faces on the door. At the bottom of the picture it said “NO ENTRY!” All caps and exclamation mark included. 

He slammed the door, leaving the two to stand outside in the large hallway. 

Luckily they were able to keep the money because they didn’t think the employees didn’t have “Proof” they were cheating because of Ellie’s robo skills. But they were winning too much money to not be kicked out. 

The homies were millionaires in less than an hour. 

“Well, it was fun while it lasted. I’m surprised they let us stay there as long as they did! I’ve been kicked out of casinos for way less. Whatever.”

“That is alright. I should probably head back to the suite to make sure Boyd is asleep.” 

“Aw what? Nahhhhh I’m sure he’s fine! He’s a good kid. C’mon, the night is still young, let's go and try to get kicked out of another place!”

Ellie smiled. Despite her uptight personality, getting in trouble with Gloria was pretty fucking fun. “You are right. Where do you want to go next?” 

“Two words. Strip. Club!”

That earned a confused look from Ellie. “Pardon? You mean the men’s only cooking class?” 

“I’ve never heard anyone call a strip club that before but uhhhh sure?”

“Why not?” Ellie decided that question didn’t need to be answered and continued on. “Nevermind. Lead the way, I suppose.” 

“Hell yeah!” Gloria stuffed all of her money away in her purse and walked a few hallways down to where the strip club was. Yeah, she knew exactly where it was. Don’t question it.

There was a pretty long line outside and Ellie noticed the flashing lights and loud music coming from within. “I am guessing this is indeed not a cooking class, is it?” 

“I dunno who told you it was a cooking class but they’re either lying to you or they’re incredibly stupid.”

Ellie laid a hand on her forehead. Of fucking course. “It was Mark…” She sighed. Damn. They were going to have a talk again. She couldn’t catch a break. 

“Wait, Mark told you that strip clubs were for cooking classes? Why?”

“I am not sure, but he wanted to bring Boyd along.” 

“TO A STRIP CLUB?!”

“...is it not child friendly?” Ellie began to grow worried. 

“HELL NO IT’S NOT CHILD FRIENDLY! GOD! If you don’t murder Mark for this, then I will! They aren’t in the strip club now are they?”

“Well, they were having a father son day. All I know is that Boyd wanted to go Mini golfing and I told Mark his bedtime was 9:00 post meridiem.” 

“... Then yes they are in there. God damnit. Okay, fuck this line. C’mon.” Gloria motioned Ellie to follow her as she began shoving people in line to get in front. There were a few protests but Ellie just shoved them over onto the ground or knocked them out. Either one. They both were able to enter the strip club without any problems. It was too dark to see Mark and Boyd at first glance so they started roaming around to try to look for them.

Ellie frowned. “I do not understand why anyone would want to come here. Especially Mark.” Poor Ellie still didn’t understand a lot about the world. Oh well. Whatcha gonna do?

“Like I said, If you don’t kill him for this, then I will.” Gloria heard yelling nearby the bar, in front of the stage so they started heading that way.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“MARK, I AM BOYD’S DAD TOO SO I CAN TAKE HIM AWAY! ELLIE TOLD ME IF I DIDN’T SEE YOU TWO FIT AS PARENTS I COULD HAVE FULL CUSTODY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! YEAH! I’M TAKING HER UP ON THAT OFFER! BUT SHE CAN HAVE PARTIAL CUSTODY AND NOT YOU!” 

“HEY, YOU CAN’T JUST FUCKING COME IN HERE AND TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD! I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!” Mark shoved Gyro.

Boyd had been crying for a while from all the yelling. He wasn’t clutching onto Gyro anymore and was under a table. 

Gyro shoved Mark back. “I THINK ELLIE WILL AGREE WITH ME AFTER KNOWING WHAT YOU DID! WHETHER I HAVE FULL CUSTODY OR NOT, SHE SURE AS HELL WON’T LET YOU BE AROUND BOYD ALONE ANYMORE! NEITHER WILL ME AND GLORIA ALLOW IT! YOU ARE A TERRIBLE DAD AND A TERRIBLE BOYFRIEND!” 

“GYRO MOTHER FUCKING GEARLOOSE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN A STRIP CLUB?!” 

Gyro turned around and almost pissed himself. “Gloria?!” He took a step back and shook his head. “It’s not what it looks like. Mark-”

“I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT! I KNEW MARK WAS IN HERE BUT YOU?! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT I’M SEXIER THAN ANY OF THESE BITCHES HERE AND YOU KNOW IT!” Gloria poked him in the chest. Mark was laughing the entire time.

“N-NO! YOU ARE, YOU ARE!” He tried to lay a hand on her shoulder but she slapped it away. He gulped. “I came- I only came in here because I saw Mark take Boyd in here and I needed to get Boyd o-u-t. I swear!” 

“WELL WHERE IS BOYD THEN?! I DON’T SEE HIM!”

“Wha-” Gyro started spinning around in circles. “Boyd?! BOYD?!”

Boyd was crying under the table and had shut everyone out. He didn’t respond to Gyro or even hear him. The music was super loud anyway so it wasn’t like Gyro’s voice stuck out at all. 

Gyro turned back to look at Gloria. “Okay… this looks even worse now.” 

“YOU BET YOUR STUPID ASS IT DOES! COME OUTSIDE! I’M GOING TO BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF YOU! AND MARK, YOU CAN RECORD IT!”

Mark was already recording. “Nah. I got what I needed. Imma stay here and watch the show.” 

Ellie, finally, pushed her way through the crowd. She wasn’t very good in large crowds and got a tad lost. She immediately made contact with Mark. “...Mark…” Her tone was calm and very very monotone. 

Mark smiled at her. “Hey, Ellie!” He patted the chair next to him “Come and watch the show with me!”

She did indeed go over to him, but she did not sit down. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! AFTER YESTERDAY AND OUR TALK YOU COME HERE?! YOU BETTER HAVE SOMETHING GOOD TO SAY BECAUSE I SWEAR-”

“Aw c’mon don’t be like that! I didn’t even do anything wrong! All I am guilty of is wanting to spend some quality time with my son who, for some reason, is lost at the moment.”

Ellie flicked the back of his head. “WHAT THE HECK DO YOU MEAN BOYD IS LOST IN A STRIP CLUB?!” 

“OW! OMG CHILL! WE’LL FIND HIM, ELLIE! HE PROBABLY DIDN’T GO TOO FAR!”

“MARK YOU BETTER BELIEVE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT THIS AFTER WE LEAVE! I DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE THIS UP BUT YOU BETTER FIGURE SOMETHING OUT QUICKLY BEFORE I THROW YOU OVERBOARD ALONG WITH GLOMGOLD WHEN I FIND HIM!” She shoved him. “YOU KNOW WHY I’M MAD! DO NOT PLAY DUMB! WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO AHEAD AND TAKE BACK THE “I LOVE YOU” FROM YESTERDAY!” 

Mark put his hands up. “OKAY OKAY! I’M SORRY! LOOK, LET’S JUST GRAB BOYD AND GET OUT OF HERE ALREADY SO WE AREN’T MAKING A SCENE IN A STRIP CLUB!”

“OH WE’RE MAKING A SCENE ALRIGHT!” Ellie fucking tackled that man and started shaking him, by the shoulders, violently on the floor. “SORRY?! SORRRRYYYY?! THAT’S THE BEST THING YOU CAN COME UP WITH AFTER LYING TO ME, FAWNING OVER SHIRTLESS WOMEN AND THEN LOSING OUR SON?! MARK, I AM GOING TO KILL YOU! YOU ARE DEAD! YOU HEAR ME? DEAD! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED BACK IN OUR SUITE AFTER THIS! GET YOUR BAGS AND GET THE FUCK OUT! SLEEP IN THE HALLWAY BECAUSE I’LL BE DAMNED IF WE SHARE A BED AGAIN!” 

Ellie let go of Mark and sat down on the floor. She started crying. Not only was Mark being a dick again, but now she had to go look for Boyd in a rated R area. 

Boyd heard the entire thing from under a nearby table. He wiped his eyes with his arm and slowly crawled out from under the table to greet his mom. He was still convinced that he would be in massive trouble for this so he walked with caution. “... Hi, mom.” Boyd rubbed his arm awkwardly. There were tears in his eyes.

Ellie lifted her head from her hands and looked over at him. “Boyd?” 

“Mom, I’m so sorry! I promise I wanted to come straight back to the room after mini golf!”

Ellie smiled before taking him into a hug, still on the floor. “No, no. Do not apologize, you aren’t in trouble. I am just happy you’re safe.” She let go to wipe a tear from his cheek and look at him. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, I’m fine. I covered my eyes the entire time! I swear I didn’t see anything I wasn’t supposed to see!”

“I believe you.” She took him into a hug again. “It’s okay. It’s alright. I am so sorry your father took you here...” 

Mark got up and dusted himself off. “Ellie, I know it looks really really bad but I swear to you that I didn’t do anyth- a whole lot wrong! It’s just a guys thing! It’s just guys being dudes ha ha!”

Ellie stood up, still hugging Boyd and shielding his face. “Not a whole lot wrong? You know, I would not be so mad if you did not bring Boyd here and then try to defend yourself. I cannot believe you did this after yesterday, Mark. Really? Everytime I think we are going to stop fighting. I thought this time… I thought…ugh. You are impossible.” 

“Okay okay the fighting will end if you stop being mad at me! Simple as that!”

“No, Mark. We’re through. I mean it.” She whispered. It was hard to hear with the music blasting but Mark managed alright. “When we get back to the suite, you pack your bags and get out. Gloria and I were at a casino so I can pay you back for the suite, but you are not staying with Boyd and I any longer.” She continued on. “When we get back to Duckburg, I am moving out. And Boyd is coming with me.” 

Mark’s mouth hung open. He had no idea what to say to that, nor did he know what to do as a means to save himself from this one. All he could do was just stuff his hands in his jacket pockets and walk out the strip club to start packing.

Ellie watched him go. She didn’t want to leave just yet to avoid walking beside him, so she just kept Boyd close to her and decided to wait another minute. 

“Gloria. I promise I didn’t come here to look at the women!” He pointed to Boyd. “See! He’s here! I told you!” 

She shot Gyro a look before looking at Boyd. “Boyd is that true? Did Gyro only come in here to get you out?”

Boyd turned his head, still clinging to his mom and still avoiding looking at the stage. “Y-yeah.” 

She turned her attention back to Gyro “Alright looks like you live to see another day.”

“Thank you…” He wiped the sweat from his forehead away. 

“But did you at least pay these hard working ladies for all the trouble?! Tell me that you didn’t come in here and not pay them!”

“What?! I wasn’t watching them, why would I pay them?” He turned his pockets inside out. “Besides…” 

“Good thing Ellie and I hit the jackpot at the casino earlier!” Gloria opened her purse and handed him a couple of hundreds. “There!”

“How did you- how did you win that much?!”

“Nevermind that! We are millionaires, baby!”

Before Gyro could even respond to that, a shirtless stripper came up and tapped Gloria’s shoulder. “Glo, is that you?! Man, it’s been so long!” 

Gloria turned around and gasped. “Oh my god, Crystal?! Bitch it’s been forever!” She gave her a quick hug. “What are you doing here?! I thought you’ve still worked in Vegas!”

“Switched clubs. Figured dancing at sea was a good life. I needed a break from the city.” 

“Ah I’m sure it is.”

Crystal kneeled down so she could look at Gloria eye to eye and not tower over her on stage. “But I should be asking you why you’re here!” She poked Gloria in the chest. “You performing tonight? Better be wearing some good lingerie under that fancy outfit.” 

She laughed “No, bitch I can’t!” She waved her hands side to side. “My stripper days are done! You know that!”

Gyro and Ellie just stared at her.

Gyro lifted up a finger. “You were a-”

Crystal cut him off. “Aw, c’mon! You’re no fun!” She held out a hand for Gloria to take. “Come on stage for old time’s sake. I know you miss Vegas.” She winked. 

Gloria sighed. “You no I can’t say no… alright.” Gloria handed Gyro her purse and shoes. “Hey, hold these for just a moment, okay?” She took Crystal’s hand and joined her on stage.

Gyro’s mouth gaped. He looked over at Ellie who had the same expression. Boyd was still in her arms, tucking his head into her shirt… but she didn’t know what to do. This night was wild as hell.

“First I become a millionaire, then I break up with Mark and then I find out Gloria was a stripper?” 

Gyro looked at her. “Should I stop her?”

Ellie shook her head. “She needs this. Let her live a little.” 

“If you say so.” 

Gloria took her shirt off and threw it at a random guy who was cheering, waving his alcohol in the air. She started screaming like a madwoman and hit the pole like a pro. She made that pole her bitch!

The crowd went wild. Even Crystal started cheering. Money was thrown at her like it was water. 

Gloria eventually danced her way over to Gyro while Crystal took over the pole. “Yo.” She gestured to her bottom lingerie. “Put in a 100, bitch.” 

Gyro looked at Ellie in disbelief before making stern eye contact with Gloria. “Are you insane? No! You know I am not that type of man.”

“Yes.” Ellie agreed. “He clearly is a closeted homosexual.” It was either that or he was bi.

“NO! THAT IS NOT TRUE!” He pushed Ellie a few feet away. “I MEAN I AM NOT THE TYPE TO BE AT A STRIP CLUB AND THEN SHOVE MONEY INTO SOMEONE’S UNDERWEAR! EVEN IF IT’S YOU!” 

Looks like he was bisexual. Ellie added that to her data. 

Gyro really needed to be proud of who he was. Bisexual power! 

Gloria scoffed “I’m literally your girlfriend! It’s fine! Just give me my money back and quit being a little bitch about it! While you’re at it, hand Crystal a 100 too when she comes over. Girl has had a rough life.”

He sighed before tucking the 100 into her lingerie. When Crystal came over she bit the 100 out of his hand. 

Gloria grabbed the money thrown her way and hopped off the stage. She snatched her shirt back from the guy she threw it at earlier and put it back on. She made her way back to Gyro, Ellie, and Boyd, acting as if nothing ever happened.

Gyro looked at her. “Why… just… why?”

“What? I never told you that I was a stripper?”

“No! I guess I know nothing about you!” 

“Listen… my past is dark, dude. I got some secrets.” 

“AND NOW!” The announcer yelled through the speaker. “LET’S HAVE A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR NEW PROFESSIONAL DANCER: TRIPLE-G SHARKNADO!”

That caught Gloria’s attention. “The fuck kinda name is that?” 

“OI! IT’S GETTING SCOT IN HERE!” Glomgold burst onto the stage, waving one of Gloria’s bras in the air and wearing a pair of Ellie’s underwear that she had no idea how he got a hold of. But he made it look plaid with a red sharpie. He started twerking against a pole. “OI! OI! OI!”

The crowd went wild. More so than they did with Gloria. Money was thrown at him. 100 after 100 after 100. People even threw their drinks at the stage to make it look like he was having a sexy shower. 

“I think it is time I leave.” Ellie left the strip club, holding Boyd’s hand who still had his eyes covered like the good boy he was. 

“Yeah fuck this! No way in hell I’m getting shown up like that by Glomgold!” Gloria made her way out of the strip club too. She managed to wave goodbye to Crystal before doing so.

“Remind me to ask you more about your past later.” Gyro said, following behind her. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark had everything packed back into the suitcases they came in when they first arrived on the cruise ship. Sadly for everyone, Mark was still in the room when Ellie and Boyd finally returned.

Ellie would have avoided coming back for another hour or so, but Boyd really needed to go to bed. Especially after such a terrifying night. She ignored Mark and walked Boyd to his bed before handing him a pair of pajamas for him to get dressed in the bathroom. Boyd walked past Mark again without saying anything and closed the door behind him. 

“Ellie, I am so-”

“Just explain something to me, Mark. Be honest. Please. Do you really think something like that would not affect me at all? Were you expecting to just get away with it scot-free? I know it was wrong of me to tackle you like I did and I am very sorry but...” Ellie paused before ending it on the most important question. “If you keep doing things like this then why did you say you loved me?” 

“I do love you! I didn’t realize that it would be such a big deal, you know? I also didn’t realize that you would be there to see me. I get it. It probably wasn’t the smartest idea to go to a strip club with Boyd but if you look at it this way, I was helping women! I was giving them money so they could support themselves.”

“I promise I would not have been mad if you just talked it through with me. I would have understood. But you always hide things from me. And bringing Boyd along?” Ellie stopped and closed her eyes. “You do not love me, Mark. You can keep telling yourself that but you do not know what love is. You confuse it with lust.” 

“What?! No of course I love you, Ellie! Look, I dunno why I lied to you about the whole strip club thing! I’ll admit I fucked up pretty badly here. It was seriously the uncoolest thing I've done all week. But please let me try to make it up to you! I promise I’ll never go back to the strip club again!”

“It is not just the strip club, Mark. We promised we would stop fighting and look at where we are now? And you were the one who caused it. You know that.” She looked at him again. “I am not forgiving you this time. I am staying true to my word so get out.” Ellie pointed toward the door. “And you will not be visiting Boyd. He already has a better father.” 

“... Where am I supposed to go?”

Ellie sighed and took a few thousand bucks out of her purse, you know, the money she illegally got from the casino. She handed it to Mark. “I know you are already rich but here is the money back for the suite and cruise tickets. I do not know where you will go but it will not be here. Maybe you can bribe someone to let you stay with them. You have a lot of fangirls, don’t you? I bet they’re desperate to have you in bed. Or better yet, one of the strippers.” 

Mark grabbed his suitcases. “I swear I’ll make it up to both you and Boyd! I’ll come back and be the coolest boyfriend and dad ever!”

“Get out, Mark. I do not want to see you again.” 

He actually thought his mini speech would work. That was his last idea he had. Mark sighed and finally left the room with Ellie shutting the door behind him.

Suddenly it opened again. 

“Mark?” 

He spun around quickly with a smile on his face. “Yeah?!”

“Please give me your room key.” Ellie held out a hand. 

He frowned and slowly handed Ellie the roomkey to her from his jacket pocket.

After Ellie took it, Glomgold scuttled past, still in his stripper attire, into the room. “IF HE’S GETTING KICKED OUT CAN I STAY?!”

Ellie looked between him and Mark. “Well, you are better than Mark so yes. But I still plan on murdering you.” And then she slammed the door, leaving Mark in the hall. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	10. Puta

Mark definitely could have bribed women to take him in for the night, in fact, he probably wouldn’t even have to pay them since he was the Mark Beaks. But surprisingly he didn’t. Very surprising because this man was a major dickwad. He actually felt… what was the word? Oh yeah, guilty. Mark never felt that before because he was Mark.

He felt so guilty that he was sleeping in the hall like some broke person. 

A loud little girl walked by with her family and kicked his luggage, specifically the luggage bag Mark was resting his head on.

“Ow… what the fuck?” He groaned, half asleep. He sat up and yawned, remembering everything that happened. Also his back hurt. “...oh yeah… god damnit.” Mark took out his phone to check twitter. Maybe he should ask his followers for advice? No… he couldn’t let his adoring fans no he was homeless on a cruise ship! Maybe he could text Gloria? No. She was always on Ellie’s side. She would beat his ass. And Mark sure as hell wasn’t going to go to Gyro. 

He decided for now he should find a public restroom to wash up in. As he was getting up to leave, he saw a woman come marching up to him and boy did she look pissed. When she got close enough to him she didn’t hesitate on slamming his stupid body to the wall and kicking him in the leg. 

Mark squeezed his eyes shut and screamed like a girl. “OWWWW! #WTF?! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?! I AM MARK BEAKS! GET OFF, COMMONER! I SWEAR, I’M GOING TO SUE YOU WHEN I GET BACK TO DUCKBURG! I HAVE MY LAWYER ON SPEED DIAL!” 

She kicked him again. “OH I KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE, BEAKS! MY POLLITO TOLD ME TO WATCH YOUR EVERY MOVE TO SEE IF YOU FUCKED UP ON BEING A BAD BOYFRIEND! AND GUESS WHAT?! YOU HAVE BEEN! YOUR ASS IS DONE!”

Mark recognized that puerto rican accent. He opened his eyes and almost screamed again. No wait. He did scream again. “OFFICER CABRERA?!” Oh shit. He forgot about that talk Fenton gave Gyro and him. Damn, that twink was serious. “Ummmm...I am not afraid of a police officer. I’m friends with the guy who owns the station so, like, get off of me. You’re wrinkling my Gucci hawaiin shirt.” 

M’ma slammed his body against the wall again to get him to shut up. “You may not be scared of poilce officers but you are going to be real fucking scared of me!”

“God! Is this about Ellie?!” He threw his head back, or he tried to at least. Mark’s head only ended up hitting the wall again. “I can’t catch a break! I already got kicked out the room so leave me the hell alone! I am giving you a bad rep on twitter for this. And instagram. And snapchat if you have one…. Oh wait that reminds me, can I have your snapchat?”

M’ma leaned in closer to him and she looked like she was about to bite his fucking face off like some wild animal. “I want you to explain to me your process of thinking right here and now. Why the fuck did you treat your girlfriend the way you did?! Gyro, that sweet but stupid tart of a man, treats his girlfriend better than you do and that’s saying a lot because he doesn’t know how to interract with women!” 

“God! All I did was go to a strip club! It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal!”

“You’re right, it shouldn’t have, but you fucked up anyway by lying and bringing your son there. And it’s not just that, cabrón, you did many things over a few months. Which I am not going to bother explaining to you. But let me tell you something, you are the worst incell I have ever seen in my life.” 

“So what's your plan here? Are you just going to beat me up because your son told you to do so or…” He trailed off.

“No, cabrón,” M’ma let go of him and took a step back. “I promised my pollito I would help you become a better man and that’s what I’m going to do, even if it kills me. But yes, I will also beat you up at times. Now come back to my suite, wash up, and we’re going to have another talk. That’s not a request, puta.” 

“Stop calling me spanish names that I don’t understand ugh!”

Officer Cabrera slapped him. “You know something, cabrón? I love soap operas so I’m going to help you get your girl back. We are going to live through a real romantic soap opera and you are going to become the best boyfriend out there. And you’re going to fail but I will try for my pollito.” 

“See, there you go again with the spanish! You know there aren’t any subtitles IRL, right?!”

“DO YOU WANT MY HELP OR NOT, PUTA?!” 

“Okay okay yes I want your help!!” Mark held his hands up to surrender.

“From now on you call me M’ma.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro sat across from Boyd at a chess table. There was a lovely seating area in the ship, meant for old people, that Boyd seemed to enjoy. Gyro finally got the father son day with Boyd he craved and it was going just as planned… though Boyd was beating him badly at chess. 

“Hey, Boyd. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it but, uh, are you doing okay after last night? I know what Mark, er, your other dad did wasn’t the best…” 

Boyd nodded while taking out one of his bishops. “Yeah, I’m fine. Afterwards my mom and him got into a pretty bad fight again and he didn’t come back. Not sure what happened exactly but we didn’t see him for breakfast this morning either.”

Oh, damn. Ellie mentioned breaking up with Mark really quickly to him when Gloria was stripping, but he was too confused to really pick up on it until now. “Oh…” He didn’t know what to say to that. It was like Boyd was experiencing his parents going through a divorce. “It’s not your fault, you know? You didn’t do anything. Your mom loves you a lot. And so do I and Aunt Gloria.” Gyro didn’t bring up Mark, which was probably bad, but the man took his son to a strip club so like… 

“My mom said the same thing last night. I just want to know where he went. No one is telling me. Probably because I’m too young to understand or something.”

No. Boyd was old enough to know, it was just hard to explain. Gyro sighed. “Your mom probably doesn’t know where he went either, but it’s not like he left the cruise ship so don’t worry.” He knew Boyd wanted more information than that so he continued, though he didn’t exactly know where he was going with it. “Listen, I know this is going to be hard to hear but… your dad is working some things out for himself. He isn’t the best man so it might be awhile until he’s allowed to see you again. I believe Aunt Gloria, your mom and I all agree on that.” 

“So… no one knows when I’ll be able to see him again? But I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”

Oh man. That broke Gyro’s heart. He stopped playing chess for a moment and laid his hand on top of Boyd’s. “I know and I’m sorry. And I know it’s hard to understand but your dad needs to work on becoming a better person first. I’m sure you’ll be able to see him again.” Hopefully he wouldn’t but Gyro wouldn’t say that. “Him taking you to that club last night was not okay. That’s the main reason why all of this is happening. Your dad made a poor decision and now he has to deal with the consequences.” 

Gyro waited for Boyd to respond. He stayed silent for a minute before starting to sniffle. 

“I just want everyone to be happy.”

“Boyd…the world just doesn’t work like that.” Gyro took a deep breath. “Part of being an adult is dealing with different emotions and situations so I guess you’re learning how to be an adult a bit early, but I can tell you that we’re all happy when we’re around you.” 

Boyd smiled at that. “Maybe I can write him a card or something! So he knows that I’m thinking about him. You can sign it too if you want.”

“That sounds like a great idea, Boyd.” Gyro wasn’t signing that shit though. “Listen, before we continue the chess game, you need to know that I love you.” 

“I know you do, Dr. Dad! And I love you, too!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

After being kicked out of all the fun places to get high and or drunk in, Gloria didn’t have anything to do and it was only 2 in the afternoon! She got herself a margarita from the bar outside and just started to roam around the ship, just vibing.

She wanted to give Gyro and Boyd some father and son time so walking around the ship and getting drunk sounded like a good idea. She would probably go back to the suite and smoke some weed soon. She was even coming up with a disguise that she could wear to the casino so she could sneak in again.

As she walked, sipping on her margarita while scaring children out of her path, Gloria noticed Ellie chilling by the pool with her sunglasses on. She was probably shut down or reading some boring book in her data. Or enjoying the sun. Gloria didn’t really know what robots did but that didn’t stop her from going over there and bothering her.

“Heyyyyy, bitch!” Gloria sat down at the lounge chair next to Ellie.

Ellie looked over at her and smiled, pulling up her sunglasses (which she didn’t need, she just wore them because everyone else was and she thought it was mandatory). “Hello, best friend.” She paused. “I am not a female dog by the way. I should have told you that earlier.” 

Gloria ignored that. “So how’s it going?” She took another sip from her margarita.

It was going pretty bad for Ellie, actually. That fight was starting to really get to her. It was her first time really being alone. Her Uncle was in the room last night but she wanted to murder him so it didn’t count. “Pretty well, I am just reading King Lear. How are you ‘going’?” 

“Yeah same here. I’m doing fine! Just trying to get drunk before happy hour so I can get double drunk by dinner.”

“That is...interesting. Perhaps we can grab dinner together since Gyro is with Boyd today.” 

“Yeah that’ll be fun! But what about Mark?”

God. Here we go. 

Well, Ellie figured it was best that Gloria finds out at some point, she just didn’t want it to be now exactly but there wasn’t a way to avoid it. Ellie just didn’t know how to go about telling her because it was pretty awkward. She decided to be blunt like she usually was. “Oh, he will not come because I am not sure where he is and I do not care.” 

Gloria gave her a confused look. “You don’t care? Did something happen between you two or something?”

Ellie sighed. “I broke up with him and kicked him out the room. He is probably sleeping in the hallways or in another woman's room.” 

Gloria jumped from her lounge chair so fast she almost spilled her margarita “WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?! TELL ME EVERYTHING!”

“I do not know where to begin, Gloria. We have been in so many fights. I suppose him lying to me and taking Boyd to the strip club was the final straw.” Ellie said. “Our relationship started really going downhill when we were kidnapped by… I am not sure by whom, but anyway, he stated he did not care for your death and ignored my current mental state at the time. It just spiraled downward from there.” 

It took Gloria a minute to respond. “Shit, Ellie. I had no idea that you guys were going through that big of a rough patch. Well, Mark has always been an asshole so good riddance I guess.”

Ellie closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair again. “I just do not know what to do. It is my first time being on my own…” She stopped for a second. “I think he was using me because he cannot stand being alone either. He just doesn’t realize it and that is what hurts me. He said he loved me, but he doesn’t. I know he doesn’t. Besides, I was the one who had to say it first, he would have never said it on his own.” 

Gloria shook her head “God what a prick…” She continued “Don’t worry being on your own, Ellie! Being single is fun as hell! I promise! And hey, we are on vacation, maybe you can find someone else. Someone who’s better than Mark. Or not. You can just be single for a while and just live your life but you don’t have to worry about being all alone because you have Boyd and me!”

“Thank you, Gloria, that means a lot. I am not bothered that I am single, I am just bothered because I wasn’t built to be independent and that’s not something that can be changed. I was supposed to be bossed around by my Uncle but now I just want to kill him. Which I still am going to do by the way. I just couldn’t last night because Boyd was in the room.” 

“Hey, you can’t kill him without me being there to help out! I’ll be damned if he dies without any witnesses!”

Ellie laughed at that.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Katherine.” Glomgold approached Ma Beagle’s table at the cheapest restaurant the ship had to offer. He was wearing his best attire. Aka his Foxy Grandpa shirt with Gloria’s bra over it. And his shorts that were… very short. “I am glad you could join me.”

“I’m the one who called you, now sit the fuck down so we can discuss the plan.”

He waddled over and hopped onto the chair after a few tries. “Nice weather we’re having.” 

“Shut up, Flintheart.” She took out a sheet of paper that was a map of the ship. “Now, here’s the deal. Me, my sons, and Magica are still figuring a few things out, so this plan won’t be put into action for another few days but I’m going to explain it to you anyway because your brain is slow.”

Glomgold blinked one eye at a time.

Ma Beagle scoffed. “Okay, look.” She pointed to the main cabin. “We only need you to gnaw through whatever locks they have to the main cabin and distract the security by just being… you. My sons and Magica will knock out security and the captain while you’re doing your weird cockroach moves or yelling or whatever you do. That’s about it. We take over the ship.”

“CAN I BE KING OF THE SHIP?!”

“No, Flintheart. We’re going to use the ship to blackmail Scrooge industries. And if they don’t hand over the entire cruise company and make us rich, then we sink the ship and kill everyone on board. Got it? Magica will be able to get us off the ship with whatever that bitch has up her sleeve.” Ma Beagle definitely wasn’t going to let Glomgold tag along if the ship ended up sinking like the Titanic, but whatever. She needed to let him believe that. 

“WAIT!” He stood up on his chair. “YOOH MEAN TO TELL ME THAT SCROOGE MCDUCK OWNS THIS CRUISE LINE?!”

“...I said that the other day.”

“WOT?!”

Ma Beagle rubbed her temples. “Are you still in on the plan or not? I promise to give you a cut of the company profits.” No she wouldn’t. 

“IF IT MEANS TAKING DOWN SOMETHING SCROOGIE OWNS THEN HELL YEAH! MAN, WHAT A GREAT FIRST DATE!” He pumped his stubby arms in the air.

Now it was Ma Beagle’s turn to blink slowly, but it wasn’t one eye at a time because she wasn’t stupid. “You think this is a fucking date?” 

“UHH YEAHHHH! I SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEH!”

“Yeah. I squint at you because you smell and look disgusting 24/7.” She grabbed her purse and stood up. “I’m going to leave now. And you are never going to get a girlfriend by the way.”   
“WOT?! BUT I AM A SEXY MAN!” He puffed out his chest. Ma Beagle still hadn’t left so she was just staring at him and rolled her eyes. “But, uh, ya know. You’re kinda sexy too BUT NOT AS SEXY AS MEH MUAHAHAHA.” 

That caught Ma Beagle off guard. “You... think I’m sexy?” She pointed to herself. 

Even though Glomgold just said that she was, he shrugged as a response. “SO CAN I CALL YOOH?” He held up the phone that he recently stole from an unsuspecting child.

“...sure.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Night had finally arrived and Ellie tucked Boyd into bed. 

“Did you have a good day with Gyro?” 

“Yeah! He let me win every game of chess we played then we got ice cream!”

“I do not think he let you, I think you’re just that smart.” Ellie laughed, but her tone shifted quickly to a quiet and somber one. “Before I kiss you goodnight… are you doing okay with everything? I am sure you already spoke of it with Gyro.” 

Boyd nodded “Yeah I think so. It’s still pretty sad that I didn’t say goodbye but I figured I could just write him a letter! Maybe it will make him feel better and then he can come back!”

Ellie frowned, not knowing what to say to that. The letters weren’t that bad of an idea but she didn’t know whether she should tell him that Mark most definitely was not coming back. Perhaps now wasn’t the time. “Writing letters sounds like a great idea, Boyd. I am sure he’ll write some back as well.” 

He smiled. “I hope so! Goodnight, mom!”

“Goodnight. I love you.” She hugged him before giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

She proceeded to turn off the lights and shut down herself.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“You better do this right, Mark. I’ll be watching.” M’ma walked back down the hall. How she was going to see everything was unknown. She just spent the last few hours educating him on the classic rom com trope seen in the class film Say Anything where the guy plays the boombox over his head at the girl’s window. Mark was doing that. Yep.

He gulped and started flipping through his many shitty dubstep playlists before finding the best one. He put his phone on full volume and held it above his head after knocking, no banging, several times on Ellie’s door.

There was no response for a few minutes. A few neighboring rooms opened and Mark got yelled at by other guests before Ellie finally opened her own door. She yawned and was rubbing her eyes, clearly having been woken up from her shut down state by him. 

When he saw her he straightened up and held his phone above his head higher. In the movie, the guy doesn’t say anything so he tried to copy that movie as best as he could.

Ellie sighed and stepped out, closing the door behind her. “Mark, you woke up Boyd. Please turn off the music.” 

“No no it’s romantic, see? It’s from Say Anything! Just roll with it!”

“This is not romantic. It is making me rather upset.” 

He looked over to where he thought M’ma was standing. Homegirl either left or was around the corner. Either way she was not helping! He turned to look at Ellie again. “But it's a famous romantic gesture!”

“I told you that I did not want to see you again.” She said, monotone. “Holding your phone over your head is not going to change that. In fact, it is making you seem like even more of an idiot than before.” 

“Okay okay…” He lowered his arm to look at his playlist and played a different song. “How about now?”

“Mark. I am not going to reenter my room just yet because I have a few things to say.” She started. “You have done so many things wrong and you are not winning me back over this time. Do you understand? You make me angry and I do not want to be that person anymore. I am not naturally an angry person and you bring out the worst in me so please leave...” 

He nodded “Alright I hear you… Say Anything is not your favorite movie. Got it. Don’t worry, Ellie! I’ll figure this out and I’ll be back!” He winked before turning his music off and started walking down the hall to meet up with M’ma.

“Mark, wait!” Ellie followed him down the hall to grab his attention. 

He gasped and turned around “Yeah?!”

“Don’t you dare come back and see me again. Get that through your thick skull. We are not a thing and we will never be again so whatever scheme you have going on, forget it. You’re only going to make things worse.” She sighed after that angry statement and ran a hand through her hair. She just wanted for him to understand so she didn’t have to hurt him anymore. “You don’t even know what you did wrong, Mark. And you never will. Trying to be “romantic” won’t do anything. You just need to come to an understanding of what you did and change for the better in order to spare whatever poor organic female gets stuck with you.” 

He shrugged. “Guess I’ll have to work a little bit harder then! See ya tomorrow!” He did a few “Pew pew pews” before turning the corner where M’ma was waiting for him. 

And sure enough, M’ma was there. “You’re a fucking idiot, puta. Answer a question for me. How have you wronged your ex girlfriend because I am under the impression that you don’t know.” 

“Ummm I guess I did multiple things wrong but the whole strip club thing is what really set her off.”

“You don’t listen, cabrón! What was that thing you did? Pew pew pew? What the hell was that?” She smacked him. 

“That’s my signature catchphrase! Pew pew pew! Do you like it?!” Mark did the finger guns again as a demonstration.

“You’re a lost cause, cabrón. I am not helping you anymore.” She waved him off and started to walk away. 

“What?! Hey no you said that you were going to help me! Give me another movie trope to do! I’ll do it!” He started following her.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s not just about movie tropes! You have to do more than that. Listen to her, apologize, say what you did wrong, actually become a better person. And you are doing none of the above. I told pollito I would try my best and I did.” 

“You only helped me once! Is that seriously your best?!”

“With you? Yes.” 

“Okay okay! I mean it this time! I promise I’ll do my best to change!”

M’ma stopped and turned to look at him. “You serious, puta?” 

“Totes!”

“Well, then I’m going to have to give you a lecture on manners and morals for starters.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	11. The Proposal

It was 4 am in the morning and Gloria and Gyro were chilling in a hot tub. 

Why 4 am, you ask? Well Gyro, being the man that he is, insisted that early morning was the prime time to get in the hot tub because no one else would be there. All the drunks went back to their suites to pass out, but it was also too early for boomers to get up. 

Gloria wasn’t too happy about the idea, but she wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to get drunk in a hot tub when there were no little kids or snobby people around. Hell yeah. Homie grabbed herself a beer real quick. 

Surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly because it was so early, the two didn’t really chat all that much. It had only been ten minutes and there was a quick comment here and there but that was about it. Gyro just enjoyed admiring how beautiful Gloria was and Gloria just enjoyed chugging down that beer that gave her killer burps. She loved smacking her chest to get those babies out. 

Gyro finally decided to start a conversation because this was sorta a date. Kind of? He wasn’t too sure. 

“So you used to be a stripper?” Perfect question to start a romantic conversation. Killer move, Gyro. 

“That doesn’t gross you out, right?” Gloria already finished her first beer and she was too stupid or tired (or both) to think about getting another. Oh well. She yeeted her beer bottle at a nearby trashcan and missed. It broke, obviously but whatever. That wasn’t her problem.

Gyro ignored that, because he was used to her by now, and thought about her question for a good few seconds. “No. It just surprised me. I guess I really don’t know that much about you at all, huh?” It seemed like the conversation was going to end there so Gyro decided to ask another question. “Why?” God, that sounded kinda demeaning. “I mean, being a “professional dancer” is totally “chill”, but how’d you get into that? A stripper to a scientist? I would’ve never guessed.” 

“Well I would’ve gone to college right out of highschool but I didn’t have the money to do so so I just booked it to Vegas. It was only for a few months of my life.”

“Why Vegas? Pretty crazy of a city.” 

She shrugged “I dunno. A change of pace I guess. Lots of losers go there and waste all of their money on gambing and strippers. It was pretty easy money, it just sucked as a job.”

Gyro frowned. That sounded pretty… bad. Like there was something deeper to it. “So, you didn’t enjoy it? You seemed pretty happy on stage.” 

Gloria laughed at that. “Yeah I guess so. I dunno it was different in Vegas. Guys can be total assholes but it’s fine! I held my own and I booked it out of there when I had the chance.”

“God. I know guys are pricks but I can’t imagine what it’s like in Vegas. I’ve never been. That’s probably obvious.” Gyro didn’t know where to go with the conversation and he didn’t want to push Gloria about her past unless she was willing to open up, so he just left it at that. Whether she wanted to continue or not was up to her. 

She shrugged again. “You’re not missing much. Now, New York! New York is where it’s at! Did I tell you about my time in New York when I was part of a gang!?”

“What?!” Gyro coughed, basically choking on air. “What are you even talking about?!” 

“I guess not… Okay so before I was a stripper in Vegas, I moved to New York first to live with some family upstate. Still didn’t have a job and being a stripper sucks in New York because it’s cold as hell in the winter! Well anyways, to get by I joined a gang for fun.”

“...What did you do? If you don’t mind me asking.” It was dawning on Gyro that he really knew nothing about Gloria. It was debatable if that was for the better or worse. He wasn’t going to lie to himself, he was a bit concerned and scared about her past. 

“Eh, not a whole lot sadly. The people in the gang were pretty sexist and they didn’t want me to get my little woman hands dirty or whatever. Mostly drug deals. Nothing too extreme.”

“Okay…” This was getting pretty awkward. “What else did you do before college?” 

“Well I was in that gang for a while. I think for an entire year before I left. Anyways, so I had a boyfriend in the gang and it was fine for a while! We were like Bonnie and Clyde, ya know? Well, after a few months of dating, he started to become very abusive and manipulative and I wasn’t having any of it, so I left. Unfortunately, you can’t just leave a gang that easily. Especially in the circumstance I was in. I left my family in upstate and started to hitchhike out of the city. Luckily they didn’t catch me leaving.”

Gyro just stared at her, listening to her continue. It was a lot to take in but he felt really bad. Gloria had been through a lot. Even if she seemed to be joking about it…she was hurt. Especially with the abusive boyfriend. It was clear she didn’t want to go into details.

“But as I was moving west, I ran into a motorcycle gang which was super cool! I told them my situation and they happily let me join their motorcycle gang! I still have their leather jacket! When we get home, I can show it to you. But anyways, I followed them on their road trip out west! We stopped at bars and all I did for a few months was just ride, drink, and get into bar fights. I’m not gonna lie, It was fun as hell! But I was getting low on money again and I knew I had to leave them at some point. I left the motorcycle gang at Vegas and that’s where I became a stripper. Becoming a stripper wasn’t my first choice but I was set on getting to college somehow. Sometimes you do what you gotta do…”

There was a lot to comment on, but Gyro wanted to let her finish her story. “Why did you decide on coming to Duckburg for college? It’s a pretty expensive city in itself. California and all.” 

“Well I heard that Duckburg Tech was a great school and I always wanted to go into science. I dunno it seemed like the perfect fit for me. Plus it was very far away from everything so it was a great escape!”

Gyro decided to squeeze a quick joke in there, even if he wasn’t good at those. “Duckburg being the perfect place to escape? I think you made the wrong choice there.” He laughed. 

She laughed with him “Yeah I see that now. I guess the chaos will just travel around with me. But hey, I met you. So it can’t be all that bad, right?”

“Wow… thanks.” Gyro was caught off guard a bit, which is saying a lot after everything Gloria just said. It was just the fact she was still happy to be with him after everything. Gangs, strip clubs, Mickey Mouse, Glomgold, a miscarrage, Steelbeak. Goddamn. “I’m glad I met you too. But I have one more question if you don’t mind.” 

“Shoot.”

“What about your family?” 

“... both of my parents died right after graduation. Which kind of explains my crazy road trips.”

There was another instance of silence. 

“Oh my god, Gloria. I know this isn’t reassuring or comforting, but I’m sorry… I don’t even know what to say.” He scooted over to be a bit closer to her. “You just always act like everything’s fine. I don’t know how you do it.” 

“To be honest, I don’t know how I do it either. I just do. But therapy has helped a lot and it may seem like we’ve been on crazy adventures a lot but it’s honestly not that bad! Like, yeah, it’s bad but it was also kind of fun! The Agartha trip? Looking back on it, it was fun as hell!”

“Well I can tell you I would’ve been miserable if I was down there. Being in prison with Mark during Glomgold and Steelbeak’s reign was enough to break me.” He laid his hand on her’s under the water. “After this cruise, that is already chaotic, I say we keep going to therapy. I want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve lived a life; I feel like a stale piece of bread. Sure, I technically destroyed Tokyolk but whatever.” 

The two fell into comfortable silence. It wasn’t awkward this time around. 

“I love you, Gloria.” 

She looked up at him with a confused expression. “You still do? Even after I told you all about my life story? I mean, part of the reason as to why it took me so long to tell you was because I thought you would get too freaked out. That I might scare you away or something...”

“What? No, of course not! I thought my story about Tokyolk would scare you away too, but hey, you stayed. So I’m staying. Crazy past or not doesn’t change who you are to me.” 

Gloria sighed in relief and smiled at him. “I love you, too, Gyro. Thanks for always seeing the best in me.” She wrapped her arms over his shoulders and gave him a kiss that was long overdue. She felt the weight of keeping her past a secret being lifted off of her shoulders. There had never been anyone in Gloria’s life who had cared for her as much as Gyro did and the fact that he still loved her after everything she said made him a keeper in her book.

He was in shock at first before wrapping his arms around her waist in return.

A round figure emerged from the water, spilling water from his mouth before yelling. 

“OI! YOU WERE A STRIPPER?! DID YOU WEAR THE BRAS I STOLE WHILE STRIPPING?! THAT’S PRETTY HOT! BUT YOU’RE NOT HOT, GLADIS! YOU’RE VERY UGLY JUST SO YOOH KNOW!” 

Before either of them could scream or react, Glomgold doggy paddled over to them and squeezed in between, getting himself comfortable. 

Gyro ran his hands down his face. “EVERY TIME!” 

Gloria shoved Glomgold off of them. “What the fuck, Glomgold?! Wait… IS THAT MY BIKINI?!”

He slowly blinked. One at a time as you have guessed. “Oh…” He looked down at the revealing top. “YES! GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT, GLADIS?!” He started doggy paddling in circles. Before “Gladis” could yell again, he continued. “I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO SLEPT IN THE HOT TUB! I’M GLAD MEH FAMILY SHOWED UP!” 

“How were you under the water that long?! What the hell is the matter with you?!”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!”

Gyro stood up, not quite leaving the hot tub just yet. “Let’s go. Gloria. I don’t want to deal with this.” 

Glomgold blinked again. “WHO THE FUCK IS GLORIA?!”

“GLADIS!” Gyro yelled back.

“NO! I SAID ‘GLORIA’, DR. FUCKFACE!”

Ma Beagle approached the hot tub in a very very very revealing bikini. She had sunglasses on even though the sun still hadn’t risen and it was dim in the hot tub area. “Flintheart, what is all this yelling about?!”

“OI! KATHERINE! DON’T YOOH GO SCOLDING ME! THESE FUCKERS, ALSO KNOWN AS MEH FAMILY, DECIDED IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO SHOW UP TO THE HOT TUB AT 4 AM!”

“4 am? Who does that?”

“I KNOW!” Glomgold threw his hands in the air. He had been praising his “family” for being there a minute ago but he did a 180 now that Ma Beagle was around. He ignored Ma Beagle’s distasteful expression and turned to look at Gyro and Gloria. “Dr. Fuckface, Gladis, this is my girlfriend. Katherine Beagle. You can call her Aunt Beagle.” 

“Sup, bitches.” Ma Beagle winked beneath her sunglasses. Yep. They were dating now. And yes, she was still going to kill him. Maybe. He was lowkey hot. 

Gloria shook her head in disbelief and got out of the hot tub, wrapping a towel around herself. “I can’t deal with you, Glomgold. It’s too early in the morning. Enjoy the hot tub with your girlfriend and maybe now you’ll spend more time with her and leave us the hell alone!”

“THAT’S AUNT BEAGLE TO YOU!” Ma Beagle marched over and shoved a crusty finger into Gloria’s chest. “NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!” 

Gyro grabbed Gloria’s hand. “We were just leaving.” 

As the two were leaving Gloria yelled at the two of them “I’m coming after you, bitch!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie walked past the poolside with Boyd, not too close to the water for obvious reasons. 

“You were very good at shuffleboard Boyd. I am impressed.” 

“Thank you! That was my first time playing shuffleboard too!”

“It was mine as well but you beat me out of the park. You must be a natural.” She ruffled his hair. You bet your ass Ellie let that pure child win. If it was anyone else, she would’ve swept the floor with their sorry ass. And their dead corpses. 

Boyd beamed and held onto Ellie’s hand. “So what do you want to do next, mom?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing.” Ellie checked the time in her data. “It is around lunch, are you hungry yet?” 

“Yeah I can eat! I’m just going to run ahead and get us a table to sit at! I’ll meet you inside the restaurant, okay?”

Before she could protest, that child yeeted away. She wondered why he wanted to run ahead, but she realized it was because he was a lot quicker than her and most likely wanted to get a table before the rush. The cruise was very child friendly and there were a lot of parents around so Ellie wasn’t too worried and took her time to walk over. 

She decided to observe the area to pick out something to do after lunch. It was a shame really. Most of the activities were water related and she could see Boyd was sad he couldn’t play with all the other children since the majority of them spent their time in the pool or riding water slides. He at least enjoyed the children party and movie night, but he didn’t seem to have made any friends. 

When Ellie was looking around for activities, she didn’t notice there was a man in her path and she smacked right into him, almost knocking him over. He thankfully didn’t fall. Or not thankfully because Ellie found the pain of an average organic funny. 

Ellie looked at him. He was a sparrow, something not common around Duckburg. 

“I am sorry. You were in my path and should have stepped out of the way.” She stated. 

He turned around to look at Ellie, holding his hand to his chest “Oh I am so sorry! It was my fault!”

“Yes it was.” She looked past him. “Well, I should get going. I have a destination in sight.” 

He smiled “Oh where are you going? Are you sitting down to have lunch? Because if you are, you can eat with me if you’d like. My name is Andrew by the way! But you can call me Drew.” He held his hand out to shake. 

“I am Ellie.” She shook his hand. “That is a very nice request of you, but I am meeting up with my son.” 

Drew gave her a surprised and confused look. “Wait, you have a kid?”

“Yes.” She looked him up and down. “And I assume you do not.” 

He laughed nervously. “Umm, no I don’t…”

Ellie looked at the large line that was already forming at the restaurant ahead. Boyd had made the right decision to run. “If you are so hungry you may join me and my son if that pleases you. He has already grabbed a table.” 

“I would love that! Thank you!” 

“Very well.” Ellie walked ahead without giving him another glance, expecting him to follow. “Why did you decide to come on this cruise? I can tell you are by your lonesome.” 

“Oh I’m here for work, sadly. Well, not sadly because I love my job! I am one of the janitors on the ship but today is my off day so I’m a tourist like you!”

“A janitor? That seems like an undesirable career choice.” 

The two entered the restaurant. Ellie ignored the host protesting her and Andrew entering because she knew Boyd was already seated inside. She scanned the area and saw him at a table by a window that had a lovely view of the ocean. He was already looking at a kid’s menu. 

She smiled and walked over to sit beside him. “Hello, Boyd. Thank you for grabbing a table. It is much appreciated.” 

Boyd looked up from his kid’s menu. He already knew what he was going to order. Chickie nuggies as always! He was drawing on the activity section of the menu. “Hey, mom! You’re welcome! Who is the guy with you? Is he one of your friends?” He held out his hand to Drew. “If you are then hi, my name is Boyd and I am definitely a real boy!”

Drew smiled and sat down across from him, shaking his hand. “Hi, Boyd! I’m Andrew but you can call me Drew.” 

“He was in my designated path of walking, but I ended up inviting him to lunch with us because he is hungry as well.” Ellie said.

“Oh! Well a new friend is always welcome to hang out with us!” Boyd smiled before going back to coloring on his menu. 

Drew smiled and pointed to Boyd’s menu. “There’s a tic tac toe game on your menu. Would you mind if we played a few rounds?”

Boyd gasped. “Wow! I never played tic tac toe with anyone else before! I’d love to!” He put the menu in the middle of the table and handed Drew the blue crayon. 

“Okay, buddy. But you should know I’m very good at this game.” He joked. 

The two played a few rounds and Drew let Boyd win every single time.

“Ah! You got me again!”

Boyd laughed.

That actually got a smile from Ellie and she looked at Drew. “Wow, you are really good with kids.” 

“Well when I’m home with my family I usually babysit my sister’s kids while she’s away at work.”

“That is very kind of you.” 

The waitress came up, it was Magica as you might expect but we’re going to skip her bullshit for now. She took their orders with her usual attitude and left to sneak a quick shot in the bathroom. 

Ellie predictably didn’t order anything, but she requested water to give to the fake plant in the middle of the table. 

When Magica left the table Drew looked at Ellie with a confused expression. “How come you didn’t order anything, if you don’t mind my asking.”

“My body is incapable of digesting food.” Ellie paused after saying that, realizing most people didn’t really like robots all that much. From her experience organics just viewed her as a thing. She actually changed her expression from neutral to one of concern. She was so used to saying that that it just spilled out without a second thought. 

“Oh, okay!” He wasn’t sure what that meant but he figured if it was any of his business to know more, Ellie would tell him.

Ellie remained confused. This man was being way too nice and he clearly had another angle here. She decided to test him and went back to being blunt and monotone. “I am a robot and so is Boyd.” 

“Oh, is that why you aren’t eating? Well okay! That’s pretty cool actually! I’ve never met a robot before! Let alone two!”

Boyd smiled again. “Yeah! We are pretty cool, right? But I can eat!”

“Wait…” Ellie held out her hands to get his attention. “That does not scare you?” 

Drew looked back at her again. “No? Why would it? You both seem like such lovely folk!”

“What are you trying to do here? Why are you being so nice?” She paused. “Did Mark put you up to this? Or Glomgold? Is Gyro trying to test if I’m evil again?”

He stared at her. “I beg your pardon? I don’t know who any of those people are. Are they your friends or something?”

She sighed and leaned back in her chair. “No. I suppose they aren’t.” Gyro was being nicer lately but she still didn’t like the dude. “But, be honest. Why are you being so nice?” 

He laughed “I’m always nice! Both you and your son are very sweet so there is no reason for me to act any less!”

“Wow!” Boyd looked up at Drew again, putting down his crayon. “That’s super cool! Usually people just kidnap us or try to kill us!” 

He looked at Boyd with his mouth hung open. He wasn’t sure if that was an inside joke, or if he was kidding around, or what.

“Like, I lost count of how many times I’ve been imprisoned or hurt by random people! Haha!” 

“Ummm…? “ He looked over at Ellie for an answer. Poor guy was really confused.

“Oh…” Ellie wasn’t sure how to put his confusion to rest. “We have just been through a lot. That is why we are on vacation.” 

“... well you picked the best cruise to spend your vacation on!”

Magica walked over to the table and slammed the food down. She almost put it on the floor because of how drunk she was before walking away.

What a queen.

Ellie was starting to really enjoy Drew’s company and happily chatted away with him during the meal. The man even liked Shakespeare and math too. 

“...and that’s why I think King Lear is the best tragedy!” Drew finished. 

Ellie nodded. “I could not agree more!” An idea popped into her head. “You know I have an extra ticket to Hamlet on Ice if you would like to come.” 

“Oh! That would be lovely! My shift will be over early that night. Should I meet you there at the theatre?”

“Of course! Or we could meet somewhere before if you would like.” 

He smiled. “Whatever you would like to do!” Drew took a napkin from the table and scribbled his phone number on it. “Here’s my number! Just call or text me anytime!”

She took it. “Thank you. It was very nice to meet you, Drew.” 

“It was nice to meet you, too, Ellie!” Drew got up from his chair and tucked it back into the table. “And it was nice to meet you as well, Boyd. I hope you both have a great rest of your day.”

“Bye, Mr. Drew!” Boyd waved him off. “He was really nice, mom.”

“Yes. He really was.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

M’ma and Mark had been going over plans on his next move to win Ellie over all day. He was literally not allowed bathroom breaks or breaks to eat food. M’ma didn’t play around. It was getting to be late in the afternoon, around the same time Mark talked to Ellie last night.

“Okay like last time, I’ll be behind the corner. Don’t fuck it up like last time, puta.” M’ma crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

Mark gave her his signature finger gun gesture. “No prob! I got it this time I just know it!” He marched over to Ellie’s door again and knocked. He had a bouquet of flowers behind his back.

Ellie, for whatever reason, opened the door this time around as well. Probably because she knew he wasn’t going to fucking leave if she didn’t. She shut the door behind her as to not disturb Boyd who was not woken up and hopefully wouldn’t be.

She didn’t even bother to greet Mark. She just stared at him, waiting for him to do whatever he was going to do before she could go back in the room and shut down again. 

“Hey Ellie! You look very beautiful tonight! Oh look!” He pulled the flowers from behind his back and held them out for her to take. “These are for you!”

Ellie predictably did not take them. “There is no point in keeping flowers around if they are going to die.” 

“Um... well, flowers are pretty to look at just like you!” He gave himself a mental high five; he thought that was the coolest thing he’s ever said to a girl ever.

Ellie sighed. “Mark… I told you not to come back.”

M’ma prepared him all day for that response. “I know and I heard what you said to me. However my love for you won’t keep me away!” It sounded very unlike Mark. Probably because it was a direct quote from M’ma’s favorite soap opera she made him memorize.

“You want to know something, Mark? I met a very kind man today named Drew and he was much more nice to me than you have ever been.” She crossed her arms. “In fact, we are going on a date to see Hamlet on ice.” 

His face dropped. “You what?! What do you mean you’re going on a date with somebody?!” He said it almost like a yell. He was both in shock and he wanted M’ma to hear what was happening.

Ellie actually gave him an empathetic look. “Mark, I want to move on. You need to understand that.” 

After hours of studying and memorizing soap operas, M’ma didn’t warn him about a situation like this! He was totally on his own now. He stared at her for a few moments before dropping to one knee. “Ellie, will you marry me?!” He panicked. He had nothing else to say.

Her eyes widened and she would’ve taken a step back if the door wasn’t right behind her. “What?!” 

Mark didn’t have any of this planned but he dug himself in too deep so he had to roll with it. “Yeah! Let’s get married! Tonight!”

“What is wrong with you?! Have you gone insane?!” 

Yes he had. “Not at all! C’mon Ellie, it’s always been you and me! Let’s just get married and make it official!”

Ellie put her face in her hands and Mark didn’t need to see her to know she was crying. “Why are you doing this?” She whispered. “This is hurting me as much as it is hurting you. So why can’t you just leave me alone?” 

“Ellie, please take these flowers and consider giving me another chance!” Mark was still on one knee and at this point it was more like begging.

Ellie indeed took the flowers, but proceeded to throw them on the ground and stomp on them. 

“Just leave me alone!”

She entered the room and slammed the door. But stopped it last minute to shut it quietly, avoiding waking Boyd up.

Mark just kind of kneeled there for a moment before sighing and walking back to M’ma who was still waiting on him. When Mark met up with her he could’ve sworn there was fire in her eyes.

“What the hell were you thinking?! Proposing like an idiot!” She slapped him upside the head. “Have I taught you nothing?!”

“Ow!” He rubbed where she had just whacked him. “Oh, c’mon! You didn’t prepare for a situation where she is seeing another guy!” 

She shook her head. “I heard, but we cannot give up just yet! There are exactly 57 episodes of Patos de la Pasión dealing with this exact situation!”

“You should’ve brought that up today!”

M’ma slapped him again before dragging him by the hair. “C’mon, cabrón. You still have much to learn.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	12. Gyro's Past

Gyro stood in the suite bathroom, door open and all. Don’t worry, he was decent with his stupid attire (is that considered being decent?), he was just putting in his unimaginable amount of hair products in order to start the day.

It was actually late afternoon, almost dinner. They just slept the hell in.

Gloria was just chilling out and smoking weed on the bed. She was running low on weed so she was taking hits few and far between. She offered some to Gyro, but he declined like the loser he was. Whatever, more for her.

“Alright. What do you want to do?” Gyro’s voice echoed out from the bathroom. He was yelling but he didn’t need to because the suite was small as hell. “Hopefully we can keep avoiding Mark and Glomgold…” 

Gloria sat up on the bed. “Oh shit I forgot to tell you! I have some tea on Ellie.”

“Did she murder someone again?” 

“No no not this time… So she texted me about this a few hours ago. Apparently she met someone named Andrew and they are going on a date tonight. She’s going to be dropping Boyd off in a little while.”

That actually got Gyro’s attention. He peeked his head out from the bathroom. “You’re telling me that someone found Ellie’s personality charming other than Mark?” 

Gloria didn’t answer that. “I’ll get more deetz on the guy after their date.” Gloria grabbed her phone and sent Ellie a gif that she probably wouldn’t understand.

“Whatever. I’m just glad we get to see Boyd tonight.” 

“Yeah me too! Oh and that reminds me! Look what I brought!” Gloria leaned over the side of the bed to grab her backpack to get out a framed photo of Gyro during his internship in Japan. You know, the one with the god awful haircut. She laughed at the picture and put it on the nightstand.

“Hm?” He wasn’t really paying that much attention quite yet because he was putting away his hair products, but when he finally walked out he nearly shit himself. “WHY DID YOU BRING THAT?! WHY IS IT FRAMED?!” 

Gloria laughed again “I told you I was going to frame it! This photo is going wherever I go from now on!”

“Duck Jesus…” Gyro was about to run a hand through his hair but he stopped mid air, not wanting to ruin his look. “You know that photo of myself haunts me. I look terrible.” He said that like he didn’t look terrible now. His hair was banging though. 

“Nooooo I think you look cute! Plus, I’m sure Boyd would love to see it when he comes over.” She moved back to her original spot of the bed before puting out her weed. Again, she had to make that shit last.

That earned a smile from Gyro. “Yeah. I’m sure he would. Now that Mark isn’t around Ellie anymore, I wouldn’t mind giving Boyd a copy of it. That’s when I first met the little guy.” 

Gloria laughed and pulled out 18 copies of the same photo from her backpack and handed one to him. 

“...” There was nothing to say about how many copies she had so Gyro didn’t say squat. 

“I could get them laminated if you want.”

“I’ll pass.” 

She stuffed the remaining photos back in her bag. She took one final look at the framed photo and then back at Gyro. “Hey wait a minute. How come you know my whole sob story and I hardly know yours?! All I know about is your internship in Japan and Boyd. Spill the beans before Boyd gets here.” Gloria patted the bed, motioning him to sit down.

He sighed and took up her offer, sitting beside her. He shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you. That internship was the main “tragedy” in my life. Other than that and the fact I work for Scrooge, my life was pretty normal beforehand.” 

“Okay so tell me about it! It doesn’t have to be “joined a gang” kind of crazy.”

“Umm...well, I grew up in Minnesota with my parents and my two older brothers.”

“Oh really are they hotter than you are?” She joked.

Gyro sneered. “Absolutely not.” Yeah, they were. He was the twink of the family. “Anyway. My mom was just your average stay at home mom and my Dad was a construction worker.” 

“How was your childhood? Are you still close with your family? I mean, you’ve never mentioned them before.”

“Hm.” Gyro frowned. That was a complicated question. He decided on answering the second one. “No. I haven’t spoken to my family since I moved out and went to Duckburg Tech. I was like you and heard it was a good school so I just...moved there.” 

“... is there any specific reason as to why you aren’t in contact with them anymore?”

He shrugged again. “They weren’t the greatest parents. And my brothers weren’t the greatest siblings. There’s no point in me talking to them.” 

“Sir, you are being a little shady right now. I told you my whole life story from start to finish. Now open up already!”

He put his hands up. “Okay okay!” Gyro put his legs up on the bed, trying to get more comfortable as he tried to figure out where to start. He hadn’t talked about his childhood and early adulthood in a while. “My brothers were always my parents favorites. They were popular, had girlfriend after girlfriend, best on the football team, you get the idea. And then there was me, the nerd who just cared about science. Basically I got the short end of the stick and my family just viewed me as a loser. Your average, pretty cliche sob story sort of stuff.” Gyro was trying to keep the story in order, but it was sort of hard. His childhood seemed to blend together like a very sloppy collage. “My parents were pretty upset I wasn’t doing a sport so they signed me up for baseball. That didn’t go over well and I avoided practices. When my dad found out about that… well. He hated me so that just gave him a whole other reason. Just so you get a picture of the type of person he was, he abused my mom, both physically and verbally. And he was a drunk so he wasn’t a ‘very good person’. He took it out on me sometimes and my mom never stepped in to help. Honestly, I think she was just glad it wasn’t her for once. And my brothers thought it was hilarious.” 

Gloria nodded her head to let him know she was still listening.

“Speaking of my brothers. They liked to mess with me a lot, as you would’ve guessed. So they would snoop through my stuff all the time. Trying to find something to get me in trouble or something to steal from me. One day, when I was 17, they found one of my recent journals. You probably figured I was the type of guy to keep them and I still do.” Gyro stopped making eye contact with Gloria at this point. “They found some pretty juicy stuff in there and handed it over to my dad. God. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he found out I was bi.” Gyro knew Gloria had no idea he was bisexual and since they were dating… how she would handle that was up in the air. “He beat the living hell out of me before kicking me out. I literally had nothing with me so I just worked at a local gas station and stayed in a motel before I could afford a cheap bus ticket. I made my way to Duckburg, went to Duckburg tech and you know the rest. I wanted to make something of myself just so I could prove them wrong. That I wasn’t a loser. They probably would still be disappointed. A scientist for a son? I can imagine my dad laughing at that.” He paused for a second before ending it all on something. “I still feel guilty for leaving my mom behind. I wonder if she’s doing okay.” 

There was a moment of silence. Gloria wanted to make sure Gyro was finished saying everything that he wanted to say. When she saw that he was done she scooted closer to him and gave him a hug, with her head resting on his shoulder and her arms clutching his shirt. “Shit… Gyro, I am so sorry…” She whispered. Gloria was truly at a loss for words here. There was another pause before she spoke up again. “Your family may not be proud of you and the man you turned out to be, but I am. And I know the others around you in your life are as well. You’ve accomplished so much and you did it all on your own…” She sighed “And I’m sorry about your father and your brothers. There isn’t anything I could say about them that would magically make it better but I’m glad you were able to hold your own and that you were willing to talk to me about it… I love you, Gyro, and I’ll tell you what you told me last night. What happened in your past doesn’t change how I feel about you now. Thank you for talking to me about it. I know it was probably hard for you to.”

Gyro hugged her back. “Thanks…” He sniffled. Gyro motherfucking Gearloose was tearing up. “I haven’t really thought about it all for awhile. It’s been a good few years since then. But, honestly, I think you’re the first person I ever talked to about it.” 

When Gloria heard him sniffling, she hugged him tighter and started to rub his back. God this was heartbreaking for her. She had never seen him like this. “Well, if it’s something that’s ever on your mind again, you’re more than welcome to talk to me about it. You can even bring it up in therapy if you think it would help. Whatever works best for you, okay?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think therapy would help. It’s just something I left behind and that’s that.” He remained hugging her, debating if he should ask his next question or not. She didn’t even say anything about it and he was curious. “But, ummmmm, my… sexuality doesn’t bother you, right?” 

“What? No. Why would it?”

“I’m not sure. Just the fact we’re already dating, yet I never told you. I know some people don’t want to date guys like, well, me.” Most girls (and guys) wouldn’t want to date Gyro because he was an asshole, not because he was bi. But he didn’t realize that. 

“There were a lot of things that we didn’t tell each other before we started dating. Gyro, it really doesn’t bother or disgust me in the slightest.”

He smiled. “I already said it this morning, but I love you.” 

She finally let go of him so she could look at Gyro face to face. “I love you, too. But tell me one more thing?”

He raised a brow. 

“What’s your parent’s address?” Gloria already had it set in her mind that she was going to commit arson.

He laughed. “God. You seriously want their address or are you joking?” 

“Gyro, since we’ve been talking I have come up with 3 different illegal acts that I could commit on their house.”

Before Gyro could respond, there was a very polite knock on the door signalling it was Ellie. Neither Mark or Glomgold would knock like that. 

“Do you mind getting the door? I gotta make sure I don’t look like I was… crying.” 

Gloria got up from the bed and opened the door for Ellie. “Hey Ellie! Are you ready for your date tonight? You know you’re going to have to tell me all about it tomorrow!”

Ellie smiled. “I most definitely will.”

“Aunt Gloria!” Boyd hugged Gloria and looked up at her with a big smile. “I missed you!” He literally saw her not that long ago but damn he was cute. 

She hugged him back. “I missed you, too, Boyd! Go ahead and come in, Gyro will be ready in just a little bit, okay? In the meantime, check out the old photo of him that I stole! It’s on the nightstand.”

“Wow, really? Okay!” He gave Ellie a quick goodbye hug before skipping in. 

“Thank you for being willing to babysit.” Ellie said. “To be honest, I am a bit nervous about tonight. Not about talking to Drew, but Mark cannot seem to leave me alone lately. I am afraid I’ll run into him again.” 

Gloria leaned against the doorframe. “Why? Did he do something?”

“He has been knocking on my door every night so far. The first night he… actually I have no idea what he was doing. He was holding his phone over his head and playing his horrid music. But last night he showed up with flowers.” Ellie thought for a second. “I am worried for him. I think he lost it. He just proposed out of nowhere.” 

Gloria’s jaw dropped. “HE PROPOSED?!”

Ellie frowned and nodded. “When I would not take the flowers he just got down on one knee and… I ended up slamming the door on him. I feel a little bad.” 

Gloria nodded. “Good for you, queen!” She continued. “But damn. Proposing? What in the hell was he thinking? Hopefully he won’t bother you tonight but then again he’s kind of insane. If he knows that you’re going on a date he will probably try to crash it like the bitch he is.”

“...he does know I am going on a date.” 

“Well shit, then get prepared to throw him overboard I guess. Sorry but you’re kind of screwed.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Drew was just chilling in the lobby for Hamlet on Ice when Ellie approached. 

“Good evening, Drew.” 

Drew smiled at her. “Good evening, Ellie! You look beautiful tonight!”

What a simp.

Ellie was literally wearing the same thing as yesterday. Yep. A sundress to an ice rink. Drew was just spilling out shit to be polite but Ellie settled on saying “Thank you. I cannot say the same for you.” Her eyes widened. That wasn’t a culturally polite organic thing to say. She didn’t care about insulting Mark, but Drew was sweet. “I mean… you look lovely!” 

Drew brushed that off. He just assumed that she was nervous or something. He didn’t take it personally. “Thank you. Do you want to go ahead and find our seats?”

“Absolutely.” She handed him his ticket from her purse. “I was lucky enough to get seats in the front row. I wanted that to be a surprise.” 

“Oh wow! That is a surprise! Thank you so much.” He smiled and locked arms with her, escorting her to their front row seats.

They sat down and started looking through the playbill. To be fair, Ellie wasn’t actually reading it, she was just feeling really awkward. She never hung out with a normal person before. Think about it. The only people she spoke to were Glomgold, Gyro, Gloria, and Mark. Not Mark anymore but you get the idea. 

“Oh!” He fished his phone out of his pocket long enough to put it on silent. He laughed “I wouldn’t want Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffet playing during the performance!”

“Have you ever seen this performance before? It is my first time considering I am only one year old.” 

Drew laughed at her “joke” or what he assumed was a joke. “I’ve seen bits and pieces of it since I work on the ship. But I’ve never sat down to watch it in its entirety before.”

Ellie nodded her head. She settled on not saying anything because she was shit at small talk. 

Lucky for Ellie, Drew loved small talk. “So how has Boyd been doing? Is he at one of the cruise activities right now?”

“No. My best friend and one of his dads are babysitting him. The one I do dislike.” Ellie put down her playbill. “Pardon. I dislike both of his fathers but the one babysitting him is alright I suppose.” 

He was a little confused on the family tree but it would’ve been too big of a question to ask right when a play is about to start so he just smiled and nodded along.

The small talk continued on until the tragedy (on ice) finally began. Ellie was very invested in it, despite her noticing the skaters were not the best. She looked over at Drew every now and then to see if he was enjoying it as well and that man was all over it. 

Shit. This was a date, wasn’t it?

Obviously. 

Ellie wasn’t sure if she was supposed to make a move or not. She awkwardly scooted closer to him and, not being able to come up with literally anything else, began acting like she was cold despite not being able to feel temperature at all. Gotta do what you gotta do. 

Drew noticed and happily took off his jacket to give to Ellie. “Here. You can use my jacket if you’re cold.” He whispered. He didn’t want to disturb anyone nearby who was watching Hamlet whining about his stupid uncle on ice.

Ellie was hoping he would wrap his arm around her but fucking whatever I guess. She smiled and nodded. “Thank you.” 

The play went on. There was dying, long sentences with flowery speech and Hamlet whining about god knows what. The night was going great! Both of them were really enjoying this new adaptation of a beloved classic. For a while, Ellie forgot all about Mark… that is, until she saw a figure roll up onto the ice who looked strangely similar to him. 

She frowned but didn’t think much of it. 

The play continued as normal and she just assumed that he was another actor who wasn’t Mark… until he slipped on the ice. Only Mark would do something that dumb.

“Oh no…” She whispered. Gloria was right. Ellie immediately turned to Drew. “I am suddenly, um, what is that thing you organics have? Stomach pains? Yes. I am having stomach pains and should probably go. Better yet, we should go.” 

Drew looked very concerned. “Oh dear, I’m sorry. Okay let’s leave.” He was the first one to get up, extending his hand out to Ellie to help her get up as well. 

This action, however, is how Mark noticed where Ellie was in the audience. She was right in front too so the fact he couldn’t find her at all was a bit embarrassing. 

Ugh, she was with that guy. He looked like a total simp. Anyway, they were getting up so Mark didn’t have much more time to make his move. 

He was still on his butt. He knew that if he was going to get Ellie’s attention he had to do something and fast before she left. He scooted across the ice on his butt towards the actor who was playing Rosencrantz and used him as a support to get up. It should be noted that Mark was wearing Shakespearian clothes that he stole from backstage. Once he was back on his feet he cut Guildenstein's line and started making a scene. “ELLIE! WHEREFORE ART THOU GOING?!” The other actors stopped what they were doing and just watched Mark make a fool of himself. 

Ellie nearly shut down right then and there. This was way too far and she had never experienced embarrassment before. But now that she had (and still currently was), man she did not like it. 

“MARK BEAKS?!” Someone from the crowd shouted.

Immediately everyone else started freaking out too and cheering. 

Mark did a finger gun gesture to the crowd and winked before going back to his speech. “TO BE WITH ME OR TO NOT BE WITH ME, THAT IS THE QUESTION! THE ANSWER IS ‘TO BE’ BTW!” 

A couple girls fainted in their seats from that. People were already recording the entire scene go down and there was no doubt that he would start trending again on Twitter for this.

“THOU SUNDRESS THAT GLITTERS, IS IT NOT GOLD?!” 

Drew turned around to look at the stage one last time. “Ellie, I may be wrong but I think that guy is talking to you…”

“He said my name if you did not notice.” 

“THOU ART THINE BEAUTY AND FOR ART THOU- WAIT… THOU ART- OKAY, I CAN’T TALK STUPID ANYMORE! ELLIE, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE COME BACK!” The play was already ruined so the actor playing Hamlet just decided to leave the stage early.

Ellie wasn’t sure if the crowd had noticed he was talking about her or not, but needless to say, she sure as hell shielded her face as she yeeted the fuck out. 

“WAIT, UM, I CAN TALK STUPID AGAIN! THOU SHOULD’ITH COMETH BACKITH!” 

Ellie was already gone with Drew who was quick to follow suit. She handed him back his coat in the lobby.

“I am so sorry, Drew. I had no idea that was going to happen. I am rather embarrassed.” 

He draped his coat over his arm. “Aw it’s okay, Ellie. It wasn’t your fault but ummm... I’m a little confused. Did that guy know you or something?”

“You do not know who Mark Beaks is?” 

“Uhhhh, should I?”

“No. I suppose not.” Ellie shook her head. “But to put simply, he is my ex and has been trying to win me back over the past few days. It has been making me very upset. I told him to stop but he just won’t listen.” 

“Oh…” He wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I’m sorry to hear that. Would you like me to walk you back to your room?”

“That would be very kind of you.” She took his arm and they started walking. “It was my fault. I accidentally let it slip that we were going to see Hamlet on Ice. He would not have known otherwise.” 

He laughed awkwardly. “He’s pretty determined then, huh?”

“He is very much so and I wish he was not. He is just so impolite and immature and...” Ellie cut herself off and turned her head to look at Drew. “Well, anyway, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate your manners. I have never been around someone like you before.” 

Drew smiled at her. “That is very kind of you to say. Thank you! I know this date was interrupted but if you wouldn’t mind, I would love to take you on another one sometime.”

“Considering this a month long cruise, I have plenty of time to take you up on your offer. So yes, I would love to.” 

“Well great! If I’m not mistaken, there will be some cocktail nights happening next week. Would you like to go?”

“I am incapable of drinking a cocktail but I will go anyway.” 

That first part totally went over his head. “There would probably be other drinks there too, silly!”

Ellie went blank. “I am incapable- ummm, nevermind.” She let go of his arm and turned to him once they had stopped by her door. “Thank you for escorting me back to my quarters.” 

“Anytime. Besides the interruption in the play from your ex boyfriend, I think this was a great first date!”

Ellie unlocked her door. “I hope you have a wonderful rest of your evening, Drew.” 

Drew smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You too, Ellie. Goodnight.”

With circuits warming up, Ellie looked between him and her door a few times. “Ummmm… you can stay for a little bit if you, uh, want to. Our date was rather short.” 

“If that’s okay with you, sure!”

Ellie smiled and held the door open for him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	13. Gang Shit and Murder

It was early afternoon and what was Gloria doing, you ask? You didn’t ask that but we’re going to tell you anyway. Homegirl ran out of weed and was trying to find a dealer on the ship. She invited Gyro along and, as you may expect, he politely declined. He claimed his time was better spent debating the meaning of the universe and he would wait for her return so they could grab lunch or something. 

Gloria shrugged that off. As she wandered around the cruise, she started going through her head where she could possibly find a weed dealer. Or any dealer really, she was lowkey desperate. Then it clicked. The strip club! She hadn’t been banned from that place yet (emphasis on yet) so it was perfect! She gave herself a mental high five before heading over to the adult section of the ship. Sure, it was only 10:30 am, but that place was popping 24/7. What else were single men supposed to do on a cruise line? 

She got in with no issues and it looked like it was prime time for the party. But it was always prime time. The people in there, being in total darkness with only strobe lights, lost track of time. It was still 3 am for all they knew. Gloria looked around to see if Crystal was working. If anyone knew a dealer, whether in the strip club or not, it was Crystal. 

Sure enough, Crystal was rocking that pole. Gloria wondered what her hours were or if she ever slept, but that was a question for another time.

“Yooooo, Crystal! My gal!” 

There were enough strippers rocking the stage for Crystal to hop off without being yelled at for a few minutes. Her eyes lit up and she strutted with her sexy ass heels over to her longtime BFF. 

“Hey, Glo! Good to see you again!” Crystal winked. “The hell you doing here? Want to work it again?” 

“Bitch, do you ever give the pole a break?!” That didn’t need to be answered. Gloria remembered Vegas all too well… “Do you know where I can find a drug dealer? I’m low on weed.”

Crystal fucking lost it. She wheezed and needed to hop off the stage before she fell over. “God. You haven’t changed a bit.” She wiped a tear away. “Yeah. I know a guy. Dunno his name but he’s usually around here somewhere.” Crystal began scanning the area. “I saw him earlier. Why don’t you check the bar? He should be wearing a black trench coat. You know, all cliche like. I’m surprised security hasn’t checked him yet. He’s got some molly and shrooms too, just so ya know. I tried it and it’s killer.”

Gloria put a hand to her chest “Crystal, you are the classiest bitch I have ever known.” She waved goodbye to Crystal and walked over to the bar where sketchy guy McGee was. She sat down next to him and ordered herself whiskey. “Yo, do you have weed or what?”

He side eyed her. “Yes I do, Gloria.”

Uh-uh, Gloria was having none of that. She got up from her seat ready to fucking bolt. “Have I bought weed from you before or something?” 

The dude finally turned to look at her head on and laid his head on his fist. “Forgot me already? Guess it really has been a while.” 

It was pretty dark in the strip club and the dude was wearing all black so it was hard to see who it was but she quickly put two and two together. “Aw shit…” She muttered under her breath. Gloria spun around, ready to fucking pounce but she noticed that two other sketchy guys were already there, blocking the exit. With nothing else to do she turned back around at the drug dealer. “The fuck do you want, Axel?”

Axel didn’t respond to that. “Small world. You already found yourself a new crew and everything. Moved on quickly.” 

“Sure have. Seems like you’re still as much of a shitbag since the last time I saw you back in New York.” She crossed her arms.

“Guess we both haven’t changed much.” He patted the seat next to him again. “It’s not like you’re going anywhere so you may as well sit down.” 

She shot him a look before finally sitting back down. The whiskey was there waiting for her but she knew better than to drink it now. For all she knew he could’ve spiked it.

Axel stopped looking at her and was tracing the rim of his glass. “Whatcha been up to?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know…”

“Answer the damn question. I’m trying to be nice here.” 

“It’s a cruise, what do you think I’m doing here? Trying to fucking relax and get high.”

“We stopped hunting you down a while ago.” He laughed. “Damn. We had no idea you’d be on this cruise. Guess karma finally caught up with you.” 

“I moved to Vegas if you were curious.” She continued “So what, you're just gonna kill me on a cruise line strip club because you have nothing else better to do? You’ve always been a fucking moron when it comes to schemes.”

Axel laughed again, but this time around it was much more amused. “To be honest, I have no idea what I’m going to do with you. Not the smartest idea to kill you on a cruise line so I guess just hold you close for a bit until we stop at the first island.” Dude was being straight up honest here. “Hey. R emember Mia?” 

“... what about her?”

“I fucking knew you had a thing for her, you bitch. When we were dating too? You’re disgusting. Did you think I wasn’t going to find out? Maybe you did and that’s why you ran away. Man, was she heartbroken.” 

Gloria’s stomach dropped. “I left because you were an asshole!” She got up from her chair again “Go fuck yourself, Axel. You think you’re tough shit but I’ve been to hell and back a couple of times over so a little bitch like you doesn’t scare me anymore!”

He continued on like she didn’t even say anything. “Mia was so convinced it was her who scared you off.” He smiled and finally looked back up at Gloria. He had a sick look in his eyes. “She didn’t have much time to grieve.”

Gloria took a step back “What the fuck do you mean by that?!”

“What do you think I mean?” Axel tapped the counter, signaling the bartender to get him another drink. “I had to get you back somehow. And if you weren’t around, well, guess I had to turn to another person. I figured you had the right to know.” 

Gloria shook her head. “I know you’re lying! That’s the only fucking thing you’re good at, prick! Fuck you I’m leaving!” She turned around again and pulled out her phone to text in the Anti Gyro Groupchat that there is a fucking problem.

Axel stood up with his new drink in hand and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Nah, I think we’ll be sticking together for awhile.” He took her phone before she could send anything. “And you won’t be needing this.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie finally woke up and checked the time in her data. 11:00 am? She wondered why the hell her internal clock hadn’t woken her up sooner before she noticed Drew’s body was blocking the window from behind her. Her system must’ve gotten mixed up since the sunlight wasn’t shining in her face or something.

She couldn’t see Drew but when she felt his arm around her waist she immediately felt very uneasy. God. Last night was a blur and she was such an internal emotional mess after the show.

Ellie decided it was time to get up and get dressed. She tried to wiggle out from his grasp without waking him up but failed miserably, not even being able to make it out from under his arm. She froze, feeling super awkward. In fact, she didn’t even want to talk to Drew at the moment. 

Drew shifted around in bed before opening his eyes and smiling at her. “Hey, good morning. Did you sleep well?”

Ellie stayed silent for a moment before speaking up. “Yes I did.” She cleared her throat as a sort of organic gesture to show she was uncomfortable . “Do you mind getting off of me, please?” 

Drew immediately took his arm off of her and repositioned himself. “Oh, I’m sorry if I squished you!”

“No, no you did not.” She scooted away a little bit and started fiddling with her hair, despite it being pretty short now. “Gosh. I am so sorry, Drew.” 

“Sorry? Sorry for what, Ellie?”

There was a good minute of silence but Drew patiently waited for her to respond.

“I like you, Drew. I really do. You are one of the few organics that I would not want to see die. But there has been a lot going on with me the past few days. Emotionally. I believe… I may have unknowingly just used you as a rebound.” She sighed. “I am so sorry. I did not mean to. I just was not thinking straight.” 

“Oh… wow umm… I wasn’t expecting that.” Drew laughed nervously. “Well, I really like you too, so is there any way we can work around this or something?”

“Of course there is. I would love to. I just figured you had the right to know. It would be morally incorrect for me to lie to you.” She looked over at him, finally. “It is just… I met you only a few days ago. This is moving extremely quickly for me. I know nothing about you nor do you know anything about me.” 

“I totally understand and I would love to get to know you more as well. Why don’t you start first and tell me some things about yourself?”

Ellie had a quick flashback of literally everything that had happened within her lifespan. “Perhaps it would be better if you start.” 

“Sure! Let’s see ummm…” He put a finger to his chin while he thought about where to start off with first. “So I grew up in Kansas! I have an older sister who has two kids of her own that I babysit every now and then but you already knew that. Ummmm… I went to college at Illinois State and I got my bachelor’s in Philosophy. That’s why I can’t get a job anywhere else.” He laughed at his own joke. Ellie didn’t get it so, naturally, she didn’t laugh. There was a moment of awkward silence before he continued. “I like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and I am a HUGE fan of Jimmy Buffett! I’ve been to at least 8 of his concerts! It’s just 3 hours of him playing Margaritaville but it’s magic every time.”

Ellie gave him a very confused look. “...is that it?” She wasn’t trying to be rude, she just figured most people’s lives were as crazy as her own.

He laughed “Yeah that’s about it! Oh, I also played soccer for a few years in high school. That was pretty fun!”

This guy was as bland as stale bread for God’s sake. Very different from Mark.

Ellie remained confused but moved on. “Okay. Well, I enjoy Shakespeare, coloring books, puzzles, math, constellations, but most importantly, spending time with Boyd.” 

“Aw, that is really interesting! I forgot to mention that I like Shakespeare too! Haha oops!”

“I already knew that.” Ellie stated bluntly. “Other than that, there is not much to know about me considering I was built only a year ago. My interests have yet to grow. So, unless you are willing to listen to my entire life story, I have nothing else to share.” 

“I would love nothing more than to listen to what you have to say!”

That earned a smile from Ellie. “That is very sweet of you! People usually do not want to listen to me talk for long periods of time. They say I am bland. Except Gloria.” 

Drew nodded like he was into it already.

“I suppose I will start from the very beginning.” Oh boy. “I was built by Mark Beaks because Flintheart Glomgold wanted a niece for his evil plan to become mayor and kick Scrooge McDuck out of Duckburg before proceeding to kill him. That was when I became ‘alive’, as you would say. Uncle Glomgold was the one to name me Ellie as well. Though he originally wanted to name me Harold.” Ellie put a hand to her chin. “Hmmm. Well I suppose after that we found out that Scrooge McDuck and his allies, that includes Gloria, were heading to Agartha. That is the name of the city in the middle of the earth if you were not aware. We ended up hijacking his plane. Oh! Forgot to mention we were the villains! Anyway, we hijacked his plane but we ended up crashing at the north pole. This is dragging out a bit long so I’ll sum up the rest. We ended up being imprisoned because we did not belong there and the dictator, Mickey Mouse, wanted Scrooge and the lot to become his new family. I suppose Mickey decided he did not need me so I was shot in the head and died.” Ellie smiled. “But it is okay because I was rebuilt later on. And my Uncle Glomgold hit Mickey Mouse with an airplane.” 

Drew laughed nervously again “Wow that sounded like a really crazy adventure!” 

She shook her head and laughed back, but genuinely. “Oh no. That is only the beginning. After that my Uncle Glomgold became dictator of Duckburg. You are from Duckburg, correct?” 

“No, but I have been there long enough for a Jimmy Buffet concert a few years back.”

“Oh well, that is great because I can tell you everything!” Ellie clasped her hands together. Man, she never knew she enjoyed talking about herself so much. She never really did that. “Well he became a dictator and found no use for me anymore, so he got rid of me like a toy. He ended up wanting Mark, Gloria, Gyro, and I dead so he sent us to a camp to die called Camp Godgold. He also sent other members from the city that did not obey his orders. The most common reason being not attending weekly executions. Needless to say, there were daily challenges to try to kill us off like that lovely book the Hunger Games. Sort of. We survived but Gloria’s baby did not. She was pregnant, I forgot to mention that as well. It was a shame because I killed a few people to protect her. Hmmm… what else? I forgot who the camp counselor was but I believe he was mean. Oh my goodness! That is also where I met Boyd. Mark and I adopted him. Turns out Gyro was the true father so now Boyd has two dads. We ended up all escaping the camp through body bags.” 

“Oh goodness… That certainly is… umm... a lot to take in, haha.”

Ellie didn’t even hear him. “We returned to the city where another dictator overthrew my Uncle. Again, I have no idea who it was. But he for some reason also wanted us dead. We ended up being kidnapped and imprisoned again! Amusing, correct? I could be wrong, but I believe the new dictator had a particular thing against me? He tried to kill me but Mark jumped in the way and saved my life. And in turn I brutally murdered the dictator in cold blood. That part was rather fun.” She chuckled before wrapping up the entire story. “Duckburg is thankfully being rebuilt, but that whole story is why we are on vacation. As of what I am doing now, I am planning to murder my Uncle for what he did, but that is another story.” She smiled and waited for his response. 

He cleared his throat “Wow… oh my gosh… I don’t even know where to begin with that, Ellie. I mean, dang.”

“I believed that was just a normal thing everyone experiences. I have to say your life sounds rather bland. I am surprised.” 

“Wait, so going back on what you were saying a minute ago. Ummm… you said that you’ve… killed people? Is that true?”

“Oh yes. All were stabbed brutally and bled to death. I find blood and the organic body interesting.” There was a glimmer in her eye after saying that. “I do not like most organic life, but you do not need to worry. I will not kill you unless you do something very wrong, like lay your stale bread hands on Boyd. Then I will not hesitate.” 

“O-okay ummmm…” He slowly got up, still keeping eye contact with Ellie as he started to get dressed. He was kind of afraid to turn around. 

She thankfully was the one to look away from him and reached over to grab her phone. She wanted to see if Gloria had sent an update on Boyd. She always did before 10 am as Ellie had requested. 

There was nothing. 

Ellie frowned but dumbed it down to Gloria being busy. She did have a lot of things going on. But Ellie knew what would grab her attention. She sent a simple text that Gloria quoted all the time. “Hurricane Katrina?” When there wasn't a response within a minute, Ellie knew shit had gone down.

“...Oh dear.” 

Drew, who was already nervous as he was, had his anxiety levels go way up when she said that. “What?! What happened?!”

Ellie sighed and got up to start getting dressed. “My best friend Gloria is in trouble and I believe I will have to murder people again.” She said that like it was an everyday thing. “Anyway. You need to come along. Usually Mark is the one to back me up despite him being useless, but you will do.” 

“What?! I- I- I can’t murder anyone!! B- but if you need me for moral support or something I guess I could tag along…”

“Oh, I know you cannot kill anyone. You are very pathetic.” She had finished getting dressed at this point and walked over to the bathroom to smash the mirror. She picked up a couple of shards to shove in her purse. There were butter knives in the room but they weren't good enough. “I just need you as back up so if someone tries to stab me you jump in the way or jump them. Simple.”

Drew didn’t respond to that. He had no idea how. All he could do was just nod along and hope this was all some very very strange joke that Ellie was pulling on him.

She grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door. “We will check on Gyro first. I need to make sure Boyd is safe. If he is not then I will most likely kill more organics than needed to find him.” 

The walk was pretty fucking quick, mainly because Drew was having a panic attack and couldn’t focus.

Ellie knocked politely on Gyro’s door. 

She could hear a groan from the other end before he opened up. 

“Ellie.”

“Gyro.”

He rolled his eyes. “What do you want? I am busy reading.” 

“Is Boyd with you?”

“Oh did Gloria not tell you?” He raised a brow. “Sorry. That’s on us. He wanted to go to a children’s activity fest so I dropped him off around 9 this morning. It ends at 3 pm.”

Ellie sighed in relief. “Oh good. I thought he was in trouble as well.” 

That caught Gyro’s attention. “What do you mean ‘as well’?!”

She opened up her purse and handed Gyro a mirror shard. He looked down at it questionably. 

“Gloria is in danger.”

Drew finally spoke up, though Ellie had a tight grip on him so he couldn’t bolt away. “Ellie- she- she wants to kill people!” He squeaked out.

Gyro ignored him. This guy clearly hadn’t been around Ellie for long. Fucking noob. “Gloria’s in danger?! How do you know?”

Holding up her phone, Ellie showed Gyro.

He scanned the texts quickly. “...she didn’t respond to a vine?!”

“That is correct.”

He walked past her. “Alright. We’re killing people. Let’s go.”

Drew nearly passed out.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Axel sat down next to Gloria who was slowly waking up. 

It was hard knocking her out without being noticed but his two guys managed. And when they were questioned when dragging her down the hallway, they easily were able to pass off the fact that she was wasted. Considering most of the employees on deck knew how insane Gloria was, it didn’t take a lot of convincing. 

Axel had handcuffed Gloria to an old pipe in the corner of the room. The suite was the cheapest they had to offer, close to the laundry rooms and heaters on the ship. Aka it was shit. 

He nudged her. “Are you awake yet? We didn’t drug you that much for God’s sake.” 

When she didn’t respond, Axel stood up and took his whiskey, pouring it over her head. 

That made Gloria jump awake. She coughed a few times while her eyes were still trying to focus. “What the fuck?!”

He scoffed. “Do you ever calm down? Duck Jesus.” Axel crouched down to be in front of her anyway; he wasn’t in range for her to slap him or anything. The drugs made her pretty weak too so she couldn't do much anyway. “I missed you a lot, ya know? It’s good to see you again.”

Gloria didn’t say anything. When she started getting her eyesight back she looked around the room to see where she was. She could also tell that he took her phone so she couldn’t do anything at this point. “Piss off.”

“I can tell you’re wondering where your phone is. Some chick named Ellie messaged ‘Hurricane Katrina’, but it seems no one has noticed you’re missing yet.” 

Gloria managed a smirk. “More like hurricane tortilla…” she muttered to herself.

“Your infuriating sense of humor is the same as well. I missed that.” Axel scooted closed and rubbed a thumb across her cheek, wiping away some of the whiskey that was still dripping down. “You know the gang members would love to have you back. You’d get along with the noobies too. We all miss you, Gloria. I miss you.” 

Gloria jerked her head away from his hand but that only made her feel more of a headache from the drugs.

“Aw, c’mon. Don’t be like that.” He made a stupid puppy dog face. “I don’t know why you ever left. We were a picture perfect couple. Clearly you didn’t see it that way, huh? But it can be that way again if you want. Or not. But the other option isn’t a happy ending.” 

“Ha! Like hell I would ever go back to New York with you!” She tried moving her wrists to break free but nothing happened.

Axel shrugged. “I figured you’d say that. Guess we’re just going to have to go with the unhappy ending here.” He took out her phone again. “Soooo I was scrolling through your new contacts. Your squad seems pretty chill. Not as cool as a gang but whatever. Let’s see here. You got Mark, Ellie, Boyd, and Gyro. Are those the main homies or am I missing something?” 

Gloria didn’t say anything again. She didn’t want him to know that all of her “homies” were there on the cruise with her where he could easily find and hunt them down.

“The kid is really cute, you know.” He held up a picture of Boyd to Gloria. “I’m guessing it’s not yours. Is it your new boyfriend’s? That twink ass parrot? Mark?!” He rolled his eyes. “God what a stupid name. I can’t believe you went for a guy like him. Mark Beaks. You’re in it for the money like the whore you are.” 

“Fuck you, Axel. Mark isn’t my boyfriend!” Yeah, she didn’t want to say anything about them but she’d be damned if she had anyone assumed that she dated Mark Beaks.

“Oh?” He paused for a second before laughing. “Oh my god! It’s the twink ass chicken?! You can’t be serious!” Axel started scrolling through her photos before finding one of her, Gyro, and Boyd. “...holy shit…” 

“Look through all of my photos I don’t give a shit. You aren’t going to find them anyways. The only reason you found me was purely out of luck!” She tried breaking out of her handcuffs again. Still nothing.

“And you’re running lower. But don’t worry, I’m done looking through your photos. I just want to move to the fun part.” He looked at the one man in the room. A gang member Gloria didn’t recognize. Probably one of the noobies Axel was referring too. “Bring in the kid.” 

The guy nodded and knocked on the door to motion for the gang member outside to come in. 

Sure enough, the burly man did, and he was dragging along a crying Boyd. 

Axel smirked. “What was that you said about me not being able to find them?” 

The gang member not holding Boyd latched the door shut. 

The other guy pushed Boyd forward toward Axel who gripped onto his arm tightly, holding him up to show Gloria. “Got anything to say?” 

She immediately started crying, trying to get up to grab him away from Axel but she couldn’t. “BOYD! Okay okay I’ll talk. I’ll do whatever just get Boyd out of here. Please let him go!”

“Pft nah. You lost your chance so now you gotta pay. That’s all.” He let go of Boyd who immediately ran over to Gloria to hug her.

“Aunt Gloria… w-whats going on?!” He cried. 

“Boyd you gotta listen to me, okay? You need to get out of here and you have to find your mom and Gyro. Okay!?” She whispered to him, her voice was still very shaky.

“I- I can’t.” He shook his head and gripped onto her harder. “If I leave they’ll find Mom and Dr. Dad and- and.” Boyd quickly looked behind him. “I don’t want to hurt anybody again. I’m scared. I don’t want it to be like last time.” He was referring to when they had to take down Steelbeak. 

Before Gloria could respond, Axel pulled Boyd away. “Okay, enough chat.” He looked back at Gloria. “So you’re not the mom, huh? Well. Doesn’t matter. You still care for the kid so it’ll hurt you either way.” 

“Axel I will fucking KILL YOU if you hurt him! I swear to god!” Gloria kept trying to break free but she was still very weak.

“Really? I’d like to challenge that.” He smirked before smacking Boyd across the face. He tumbled across the room and started crying harder. “Well. You gonna kill me or not? I’m waiting.” 

“BOYD! AXEL PLEASE STOP! Leave him alone!” Gloria started to cry harder as well. There was nothing for her to do other than just watch. “Boyd, you gotta fight back!”

“I- I can’t! Not after last time. I- I still have nightmares…” He sniffled. He tried to get up and Axel shoved him down again, pressing him down with his foot.

“You’re seriously asking a kid to fight? Wow.” He started laughing. “I’m sure the little guy could take me down in a second with those tiny fists of his.” 

“If you’re asking for a fight then get me out of these handcuffs and I’ll show you a fucking fight, bitch! You’re the one who’s fighting a little kid!”

“Little kids are just easier targets. That’s all.” 

He was about to start beating the shit out of Boyd when Ellie busted through the goddamn door. Gyro and a crying Drew were behind her. 

She stopped and looked between Boyd and Gloria. “Absolutely NOT!” 

“Who the hell are you?!”

Gyro stepped forward. “We are the Glomsquad!” 

Gloria would’ve made a comment about how stupid his reply was if it wasn’t for the life and death situation. 

“The fucking what?!” Axel looked at the three of them. “Oh c’mon. You guys think you can take me down? I bet you can’t even-” 

Ellie tackled that bitch to the ground and started beating the shit out of him. She wasn’t using the mirror shard just yet, this man needed to learn a lesson.

Drew, though crying, decided to actually be useful and ran over to Gloria, working on her restraints. “U-um h-hi. Y-you must- must be Gloria.” 

Gyro across the room, though a twig, was handling himself pretty well with the two gang members. Those pricks didn’t have enough time to take out guns when he was swinging his dank ass blade around. He stabbed one in the neck and he fell to the ground, gurgling up blood. 

Boyd scooted to the corner, shielding his eyes from the chaos. Kid couldn’t even catch a break. Not even on a cruise.

Drew finally got Gloria free. “Um- um, h-here you go.” With a shaking hand, he handed her his own mirror shard because he sure as hell wasn’t going to use it. 

“Thanks.” Her head was spinning and she was seeing stars for getting up too quickly. She made her way over to where Ellie and Axel were brawling it out on the floor. “Ellie, don’t kill him. I’m going to make this prick suffer for all the horrible shit he’s done to me.”

She stopped and looked up at Gloria. She was strong enough to hold a screaming Axel down. 

“Okay. I will retrieve Boyd.” Ellie remained deadpan as hell. 

She let go of Axel’s throat and yeeted over to Boyd, that pure child, to take him into an embrace. 

Axel remained on the floor and clutched his throat, coughing like crazy. 

Gloria looked down on him, kicking him over and over again in the stomach. “I FUCKING HATE YOU! You made my life a living hell!” After a few more kicks she knelt down to get closer to him and put the mirror shard to his throat. “You better start praying because I will kill you a second time if I catch you in hell.”

Axel coughed, spitting up blood. But he managed a toothy smile. “Alright you win. But I got Mia and that’s all I needed for revenge on you, whore.” 

She had heard enough from this bastard. She cut open his throat as if she was Sweeney Todd herself. Blood splattered on her face. When she was sure that he was dead, she stood up again and dropped the mirror shard on his body.

Gyro had managed to take down the other gang member as well. How? Don’t question it. The man picked up a few things in Camp Godgold. 

Everyone was covered in blood except Ellie, Boyd, and a shaking Drew in the corner.

Ellie looked down at Boyd before kneeling down to his level. She made sure he hadn’t seen the scene. “Are you okay, sweety?” She held onto the sides of his face before she sighed. “No. Of course you aren’t. I am- I am sorry I could not be there to protect you…” 

Boyd, who was still crying, held onto Ellie tightly. “It’s okay. I’m okay. I- I’m just scared is all… I didn’t know who they were or what they wanted…”

Ellie lowered her head and started crying as well. “I’m so sorry, Boyd. I’m so so sorry. I- I am not the best mom but I swear I will always be here to rescue you. I love you more than anything in the world and I’ll always come find you if anything happens again. Even if it costs my life. I promise you. I...” She took him into a tight hug. She was about to say something else when Drew cut her off.

He pushed himself off of the wall, though he was a sobbing mess and shaking like a mad man. “YOU- YOU ALL ARE INSANE! GOODNESS! I JUST WANTED TO SEE HAMLET ON ICE AND THIS HAPPENS TO ME!” 

“Ohhh…” Gloria looked at him. “So you’re that Drew guy or whatever? Yeah. Sorry, bud. Insane is how we roll. This is a normal Saturday.” She walked over to the bottle of whiskey Axel had and took a swing of it before smashing the rest on the floor.

Gyro finally ran over to her. Though he was being a badass, he was in shock after he realized that he just murdered two men in cold blood. God. He was like Ellie now.

“G-gloria! Are you okay?!” He hugged her tightly. Some of the blood on him rubbed onto her. “Who the hell was that?!” 

Gloria hugged him back and started to cry into his chest. “T-that was Axel… he was the abusive ex-boyfriend from New York… He’s been tracking me down this whole time.”

“...ohh…” He tried to lighten the mood whether it was appropriate or not. “Well, you got him so…good on you! Yay...” 

Drew finally worked up enough courage to jump over the dead bodies and he started pulling at the door knob and it wouldn’t fucking open. He looked up to see the latch and started jumping to open it, but the man was just too damn short. To be fair, the latch was freakishly high because the room was poorly designed. 

Ellie walked over to him, holding Boyd tightly to her and continuing to hide him from the gore. “I am very sorry about that Drew. But anyway, how about that cocktail party next week?” 

He spun around to look at her, his body pressed up against the door. “WHAT?! ARE YOU INSANE?! NO! I’M CALLING THE POLICE!” With a shaky hand, he reached into his pocket and started to dial 911.

He didn’t have the chance. Ellie snatched the phone and gave him a very confused glare. “But why? I thought you liked me…” 

He shook his head “YOU’RE A MURDERER! YOU’RE CRAZY!”

That took Ellie aback. He thought she was crazy too. Just like so many other people did. She gulped and clenched her fists. “...so… you are going to turn my friends and I in?” 

He gulped. “Yes…. You all need to be charged with the crimes that you have committed!”

“I understand. Give me a moment and I will unlatch the door for you.” Ellie walked over and handed Boyd to Gyro. “May you watch him for a moment, Gyro?”

Oh damn. She did that last time with Steelbeak. “Ummm… why?”

She gestured toward Drew. “He...wants to turn us in…”

Gyro took Boyd. “Oh. Yeah you should probably take care of that. I want to enjoy the rest of my cruise.” 

Ellie gave him a thumbs up. Maybe Gyro wasn’t all that bad. 

Drew continued shaking the doorknob as Ellie approached. 

“You should have kept that mirror shard on you, Drew.” 

“W-what?! Why?” His back was still facing the door but he tried twisting the doorknob to have it unlock but sadly for him nothing happened.

She knocked that poor man to the ground and stepped on his chest. Man. This really was Steelbeak all over again, except Drew didn’t deserve this but whatever. Ellie had to do what she had to do to protect her friends from prison. “I really liked you, Drew. At first. But then I realized you are… hmm… sort of boring? I am very sorry to tell you that.” Ellie wasn’t saying that sarcastically or menacingly. She truly did feel bad for him. “Do you have any last words? You deserve that much.” 

Drew started to cry. He covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head. “No please no! Don’t kill me! Please!”

Ellie knelt down above him and swung down the mirror shard, it missed killing him by a hair and only left a large wound on the side of his neck. Not enough for him to bleed out. The mirror shard was stuck in the ground but she kept her hands on it, shaking.“I- I can’t kill you.” 

Drew continued to sob like a baby. He was relieved to say the least but damn.

She ripped the mirror shard out of the ground and held it to his neck. It dug into his skin. “If you say anything, I will hunt you down and I will not hesitate the second time around. You know what I’m capable of. I’ll get to you before the police get to me. Do you understand?” 

He held his hands up like he was surrendering “YES! YES I UNDERSTAND! PLEASE LET ME GO!”

“Alright…” She stood up and made a point to break his phone in front of him before unlatching the door. Ellie politely opened the door for him to exit. 

Drew quickly made his way out of the room before turning around to look at Ellie one last time. “T- Thank you for sparing me!”

“Shut up and get a personality. By the way, Jimmy Buffett is very untasteful!” She slammed the door on him. She dusted off her hands and turned to Gyro, Gloria, and Boyd. “I liked him at first, but he was rather boring. I suppose I do not like men who cannot handle murder.” 

Gloria changed the subject. “So… what are we going to do… about the bodies?”

Glomgold busted out from the air vent. “OI! DID SOMEONE SAY BODIES?!” 

Everyone jumped. 

Gyro looked up at him, his glasses nearly falling off of his beak. “WHY DO YOU POP UP EVERYWHERE?!”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” Glomgold snapped before cockroach crawling down the wall and onto the floor to join the rest of them. He scrambled around the room to look at the bodies. “Yes… yessss….” He whispered to himself as he rubbed his hands together like a fly. “THESE BODIES WOULD BE GREAT FOR MEH SHARK’S DINNER TONIGHT!”

No one questioned why he had sharks or how. He probably was referring to the ones in the ocean. 

“That’s actually not a bad idea.” Gloria put her hands on her hips and nodded. 

“I know an area of the ship where we could sneak the bodies to throw them overboard.” Ellie mentioned.

Gyro agreed. “Alright. Let’s clean up this… mess. And then we’ll go do that.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“FEAST MEH BABEHS! FEASTTTTTTTT!” Glomgold yeeted the last body overboard. There were about 8 sharks circling the area. Glomgold did an evil laugh every few seconds, it was amazing he still had air to breathe.

Gyro, Gloria, and Ellie watched the sharks eat along with Glomgold. Boyd, on the other hand, was covering his eyes while holding onto his mom’s hand. 

Ellie looked at Glomgold, then the sharks, then Glomgold, then the sharks. Then she looked at Gloria and Gyro. Hopefully they would know what she was thinking. 

Gloria looked over at Ellie. She knew that glimmer in Ellie’s eyes. She meant murder. Gloria nodded and nudged Gyro for him to get with the program.

Gyro looked over at Ellie and got the message. The dude actually smirked. 

“Uncle Glomgold?”

“OY?!”

“Thanks for requesting I be built. I enjoy life.” Ellie took the back of his head and threw him overboard. 

There was a loud angry Scottish yell before Glomgold splashed into the water. They didn’t see him float back up and the sharks dove down to follow the body.

They all started laughing. 

Gyro wiped a tear from his eye. “Man. I’ve been waiting for that for YEARS! Scrooge is going to be so happy.” 

“There is no way that little ball of sweat could survive that.” Gloria added.

Ellie didn’t need to say anything. She was just happy her horrid family member was gone. Speaking of family members, she looked down at Boyd who was still crying. She softened her eyes, taking him into another hug, and looked over to Gyro. “Gyro?” 

“Yep?” Ellie could barely hear his response because of how hard he was laughing.

“You have tools on the ship, don’t you?” 

“I never leave home without them!”

“Can you, maybe, wipe the memories of this from Boyd’s data? Perhaps all the times he’s been hurt as well. Just... get rid of the trauma?” 

Gyro looked down at Boyd before looking back up at Ellie again. “Yeah, I can do that.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	14. Sailor Moon

“Alright and… there we go.” Gyro removed the cord from the slot in Boyd’s head that allowed him to access his memories. “That should do it. He’ll be shut down for a little bit but I’ll give Ellie a call when he wakes.” He positioned Boyd to a more comfortable position on the bed before ruffling his hair. “I feel a bit bad. Boyd has been through so much, too much for a kid, and it never crossed my mind once that I could just erase the memories that hurt him. God… I’m a shit dad.”

Gloria looked over at him, she was across the room just chilling. “You’re not a shit dad compared to Mark.” She joked. “Nah, seriously dude. You’re a great dad. So much stuff has happened that it’s easy to overlook things. Ellie and I did the same so don’t blame yourself. Chill.”

He sighed before walking over to sit next to her. “Yeah, you’re right. Anyway,” He started strangely drumming on his knees because he had nothing better to do. “What do you want to do today? I know it’s raining so our options are limited. Guess we have to cancel the water slide plans.”

Gloria blew off his awkward knee drumming. It wasn’t as weird as him swirling his finger in wine. “Aw, shit dude! I fucking wanted to go on the water slide so bad! I was ready to make my way up those stairs, push some children down along the way, and make the slide my bitch!”

“Guess you’re gonna have to make the slide your bitch another day.” 

“Okay. Soooo, I would say let’s go to the casinos but I got kicked out of all of them. And most of the bars.”

“What about the strip club?”

“After yesterday? Hell to the no!” 

Gyro cringed. Man, he forgot about that already. Guess it just proves how much shit they’ve been through. “Right. Sorry…”

“It’s cool. Tell ya what, let’s just go to the movie theatre. I dunno what they got playing. Sonic or something?”

Gyro was a fan of video games but he had no idea there was a Sonic movie. “Sonic?”

“Gotta go fast, bitch. It’s got great reviews too.” 

He chuckled to himself. “If that’s what you want to do.”

“Aight. Well, I’m gonna take a nap so wake me up after Ellie picks up Boyd, kay? Peace.” She pumped her chest before leaning back in the chair and closing her eyes.

Gyro bit his lip for a second before speaking up. “Wait. Hold on a moment.”

“Bish. What you want?”

“About yesterday…”

Gloria tensed up. She was very happy Gyro murdered two guys to save her but she didn’t really want to talk about what went down. She sighed and caved in, for his sake. “What about it?”

“Axel...he mentioned Mia.”

Gloria didn’t respond to that. But she did, however, sit up and put a hand on her forehead, running it down her face.

“Who was she?” He scooted forward to lay a hand on her knee. “If it’s too personal, I’ll back off.”

When Gloria didn’t respond again, he figured that was an “I don’t want to talk about it”, so he hummed to himself in agreement with her before laying down on the bed to look up at the ceiling and just sorta think. 

“She was this girl I knew back in New York.”

Gyro looked over at her. He couldn’t see her very well since he just took off his glasses to lay down, but he studied her as best as he could, not saying anything.

“A real close friend of mine. She wasn’t involved in the gang and she was the only ‘normal’ person I knew outside of my extended family. I met her one day when she was working her shift at Starducks. It was that cliche thing you see in movies where she was serving me a drink and then spilled it on me.” Gloria smiled to herself. “She started crying immediately. It was ridiculous, but I gave her a pretty big tip for the trouble.”

Gyro noticed Gloria had looked at him, despite her being blurry, and he nodded for her to continue.

“I thought her demeanor was nice and just sorta cute so I started showing up to that Starducks more often just to see her. Eventually, after probably weeks of small talk, she finally gave me her number and we met outside of her job. Ironically at another Starducks. Axel and the gang had no idea I was meeting up with someone outside of the circle, that wasn’t really ‘chill’ with them, but I did it anyway. I don’t know why. I guess I just felt nice being around her and I wanted a taste of what a normal life would be like. She was just your average community college student, still living with her parents and working full time at a coffee shop. Completely opposite of my situation, some orphan living with extended family that joined a gang to make quick money. It was refreshing being around her.” 

“That sounds… really nice actually.”

“It was… When Axel found out I was hanging with some girl not involved with the gang, he got pretty pissed. I got… hurt a little bit but he finally came around for once. I was allowed to see her once every two weeks. Obviously I saw her more than that but whatever. Axel can go fuck himself in hell.” 

Gyro laughed a little. “No kidding. I’m glad he’s dead.”

“Tell me about it.” Gloria wiped her eyes. Gyro hadn’t even noticed she was crying. He decided to put back on his glasses and sit up to pay closer attention to her. He didn’t bring her into a hug just yet, allowing her to continue. “The more I hung out with her, the more I realized what a shit life I had. How shit the people were that I was with. Specifically Axel. I met some of her friends and they were so normal and so happy. God, I envied her life.”

Gloria paused to get her bearings again. 

“Anyway. One day she asked me out and man oh man was I caught off guard. I had no fucking idea she liked me, but looking back on it it was pretty obvious. Mia had no idea I had a boyfriend, I never told her about the gang. And, you know what I did, Gyro?”

Gyro didn’t need to respond because she continued on.

“I said ‘hell yeah’. I started realizing how toxic Axel was, but I just couldn’t work up the guts to get away from him. Mia was like some safe haven, ya know? We never officially became a thing but we may as well have been. We spent so much time together, so much so that Axel picked it up eventually and beat the living hell out of me. That’s when I decided I needed to run. I got my things and left the city. I wanted to take Mia with me… but I just didn’t. I mean, she wouldn’t have wanted to run away with me if she knew I was in some crazy gang. She was too much of a goody two shoes, but that’s what I liked about her…” Gloria sniffled. “Doesn’t matter. Axel ended up getting to her because of me. It’s my fault she’s gone. I should’ve never gotten involved with someone outside of the gang.” 

“Oh my god… Gloria I-”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the other day when I was spilling all the beans about my past. I dunno, that part of my life just seemed a bit too personal. And I guess… I’m just really self conscious about being bisexual but I guess there’s no reason to be around you.” She managed a weak laugh. “We have another thing in common.” 

The recliner Gloria was sitting on was fairly large so Gyro got up and nudged her over a bit so he could squeeze in himself. She took the oppurtunity to rest her head on his shoulder and took his hand into her own. 

For a while nothing was said, Gyro just rubbed his thumb along her knuckles. 

“I have a dark past, Gyro…” She whispered.

He squeezed her hand tighter in turn. “We both do.” 

“I’m-”

“Don’t apologize, Gloria. There’s nothing to apologize for. I just… don’t know what to say. There’s nothing I can do to fix that. Killing Axel wasn’t enough to fix anything. I want to murder him over and over again. I saw the sick smile he had when you killed him. The dude was insane. I can’t wrap my head around it.” He wrapped an arm around her and Gloria nuzzled her head into his chest. She was crying, but it was a soft cry. He took his other hand, the one that was running along her knuckles, and retracted it to wrap his arm around her body, almost like he was cradling her. “I’m so sorry. There’s nothing else for me to say and I know that’s pathetic but god… I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t need to apologize either, Gyro.” She took her hand and placed it on his shoulder. “Think of it this way, all those things needed to happen so I could meet you.” 

“Maybe so but…” He sighed. “Mia sounded like she was a great person that deserved the world.”

“She did…” Gloria looked at Gyro. “This may sound weird but… would you mind holding some type of… funeral with me in the future? I know that’s kind of… out there. I just feel like I need to do something in remembrance of her.” 

“Of course we can.” He held her tighter. “I love you, Gloria. I love you so much.”

She smiled and her body relaxed. “I love you too.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie stared straight ahead at the rain pouring down. It was dark and there was lightning in the distance that would sometimes block out the voices of the people involved in some sort of formal event that was taking place in an opened party room nearby. 

She sat underneath a large awning that protected her from the storm. Her legs were crossed politely while she sat on an outdoor cushioned sofa. 

She wasn’t having very good thoughts again and debated giving Ms. Kris a call but she decided not to. For some reason, Ellie wanted to hold onto some sort of pride she had built up from not speaking with her. Kind of like she wanted to prove to Ms. Kris that she didn’t have issues. That she wasn’t crazy.

But Drew called her crazy so it was true. So many people called her crazy and he was just another one to add to the list. Ellie tried so hard to fit in with organics but she never could. She was just some sort of freak in their eyes and her own. For the first time ever, Ellie actually wished she was an organic being. That way she wouldn’t freak people out. She’d be able to eat and go to cocktail parties, go swimming, get sunburnt, jump in the rain and splash in puddles. She’d be able to make more friends and maybe… even be more empathetic and normal. She wouldn’t be crazy. She would just be normal. 

Maybe she would even be a better mother. The average organic mom didn’t get in situations that ended up getting their child in a life or death situation all the time. Normal moms didn’t kill people in front of their children or have to save them from traumatic events every other week. 

Boyd’s bad memories were being erased but hers weren’t. She would always remember how shit of a mom she was.

Gyro did say he believed she was a good mother and Ellie tried to believe it herself. But she just couldn’t believe that. A robot couldn’t be a good mom. She just wasn’t built that way. Organics were made to be good parents because they could actually reproduce. Organics were made to be good parents because they weren’t so unstable. So… crazy. 

Ellie had had enough and stood up. She walked toward the end of the awning and stopped just before entering the pouring rain completely. The ends of her shoes were poking out just enough to get soaked and she could feel the water seeping into her shoes.

Organics could feel so why the hell did she too? She never figured out why she suddenly was able to feel pain or more negative emotions, or feel water and textures. It shouldn’t be possible if she was never programmed to. She couldn’t feel temperature so why did she start feeling everything else out of nowhere? It was just some sick reminder that she was close to being real but not close enough. It was a tease.

It was funny. A robot going on a cruise, surrounded by waters that could kill her in an instant if she so much as fell in the pool or accidentally took a fall over the railings. Or even stepped out into pouring rain. 

Ellie frowned and took out her cellphone, clicking on Gyro’s contact. The last message she had gotten from him was about how he had finished working on Boyd and would give her a ring when he woke up from his shut down state. 

It was very funny how she hated the man for so long and now started to view him as a friend, even if he didn’t feel the same way. 

“Gyro Gearloose,” She typed “I apologize for the sudden message but I wanted you to be aware that I believe you are a wonderful parent.” Ellie paused. She had no idea how to word this without sounding completely out of her mind. “I trust you and Gloria will protect Boyd no matter what if I for some reason am no longer able. If something happens and he is emotionally damaged I trust you will fix it. Even if it means ridding memories of me. Your friend, Ellie.” 

She stared at the message, thumb hovering over the send button. Ellie shut her eyes and clicked it. The message was delivered immediately with the cruise line having killer wifi and all.

Ellie turned her attention to the rain, and then to the railing ahead that was the barrier between the ship and a steep drop into the water. If she shut down on deck she would surely be found and repaired. It had to be the ocean. 

She dropped her phone and stared blankly ahead before finally walking into the rain. It took a few seconds before her circuits realized what was going on and began causing her body to twitch oddly. She made it to the edge and placed her hands on the railing to look down at the stormy waters below. It was even rougher than she had expected. 

Another intense twitch pushed her body forward so her upper half of her body was over the railing and facing downward.

Fear started to blossom within her.

“God…” She closed her eyes and pushed herself up to take a step back from the railing. “What am I doing?” 

Her body continued to twitch around until she stumbled back under the awning, a soaking mess. Any longer and she probably would have shut down.

She knelt down to pick up her phone and check for a response. Nothing. Good. It would give her a bit of time to just…think things over. 

She flopped back down onto the sofa and watched as another bolt of lighting struck the ocean. It was so loud she could feel the vibration of the roar go through her body. In an odd way, it was calming. So she closed her eyes and leaned back, focusing on the sound of the rain hitting the deck. 

Minutes went by and the storm hadn't let up. Everything sounded the same with the exception of footsteps coming closer. Ellie opened her eyes to see who was walking around in the rain. Of course it was Mark.

He wore a white button down shirt and black work pants that were completely soaked. Mark stayed outside in the rain because he wanted to be dramatic. The two stared at each other for a moment while Mark pulled out poster papers from behind his back. This is just like that classic scene from Love Actually. The first card only read “Hey”. He gave a weak smile to see if she would react at all. She didn’t.

He continued to watch her as he flipped to the next card. “I know you’re still mad at me… :( “

In case you were wondering, the paper was like cardstock and he wrote with Sharpie so nothing was being destroyed from the rain. Plot.

He dropped the first two cards on the ground and kept going. “And I know that my other past attempts have failed”

“And I know you want me to stop” He held that card long enough for her to read it so he could flip to the next one to finish his sentence. “Bothering you all the time”

“But I need you to know…” Mark stepped closer but he was still standing in the rain.

“That I love you! :)”

“The dictionary describes ‘love’ as…” 

At this point Ellie saw where he was going with this. She also saw that Mark had an entire stack of signs which would take him forever to finish through! M’ma and Mark brainstormed in making two love poems and a haiku for the posters just to put in perspective how long he was planning on standing in the rain for her.

She eventually cut him off. “Mark, get out of the rain. You are making a fool of yourself.” 

“Oh… okay.” He bent down to pick up the other posters he dropped on the ground and shuffled out of the rain to sit next to Ellie on the couch.

Ellie didn’t say anything to him. 

“So… did you like my card thing I had going on there?” He awkwardly twiddled his thumbs.

“No. It was making me rather uncomfortable.” 

Mark was caught between a rock and a hard place and the only thing he knew to say next were movie quotes from all the movies M’ma forced him to sit through. “They say when you meet the love of your life, time stops, and that’s true.”

That actually made her look over at him, but she looked very… disturbed. 

Okay that didn’t work. He coughed into his hand and continued “We’ll always have Paris.”

“What are you talking about?” 

“Here’s looking at you, kid.”

“...Mark…” It was a warning. 

“In vain I have struggled my feelings will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

Ellie put up her hand to signal him to stop. “Shut up. Just shut up.” She looked back at the storm. “Can you please just let me listen to the rain for a little while.” 

Mark didn’t say anything back, actually listening to her this time.

Seconds past, that turned into minutes, that turned into an hour. Mark awkwardly looked over at her every now and then but the entire time she didn’t even blink. Not that she needed to.

Eventually, Ellie moved and it caused Mark to flinch, but she paid no mind to him. She scooted over to him before leaning her head on his shoulder. That surprised the hell out of him and he had no idea what to say, or if he should even say anything.

Ellie was still very much pissed at him and he was probably getting the wrong idea, but she didn’t care. She just needed some sort of physical comfort at the moment. 

“Just talk to me… and stop with the stupid quotes. Just be genuine. Please.” 

Mark sighed. “Alright…” He had no idea where to start but he was given another chance so he knew that he couldn’t fuck up again. “So I’ve been getting some help with my acts on wooing you back. Fenton’s mom is on the cruise and she has been the one to tell me what to say and do. I’ve been staying with her for the past few days, doing nothing but watching soap operas and rom coms, hoping that there would be a solution to our fight through movies. But… I guess she and I were both wrong about that. My super rad rom com gestures didn’t work but please keep in mind that it’s the thought that counts.”

He sighed again. He was shivering at this point because he was still pretty wet from the rain. “Ellie… I’ve screwed up time and time again. I didn’t realize it until M’ma, that’s what Fenton’s mom wanted me to call her, told me upfront how awful of a boyfriend and dad I’ve been…”

Ellie stayed silent waiting to see if he had anything more to say.

He raked through his hair. “My parents didn’t get along with each other. I hated growing up and watching them fight all the time. I remember telling myself that I never wanted that to be me when I grew up and found someone…” He huffed out a weak laugh. “I screwed that up for myself too I guess. Not only did I hurt you but I hurt Boyd as well. God- I don’t want him to grow up feeling the same way that I felt about my parents. He doesn’t deserve that.”

Mark stayed silent for a moment. “So to just wrap everything up. And I know I’ve said this time and time again but… I’m sorry. I really am.”

Ellie sighed and closed her eyes again. “Thank you for the apology…” She stopped, not wanting to hurt him anymore than she already had but there was still more that had to be said. “I love you, Mark. I do. Truly. But… I just do not think you will change. After everything we’ve been through together you just… keep doing something over and over again. And it hurts. A simple apology doesn’t change that.” She let out a chuckle herself. “But it is so hard for me to leave you anyway.” 

When Mark didn’t respond, she decided to continue.

“I was about to jump, you know.” 

Mark turned his head to look at her, giving her a confused look. “What do you mean? Like, jump in the water?”

It was hard to see her considering she still had her head on his shoulder but he felt her nod. 

It took a moment for him to respond, he was trying to process that. “Why?”

“I am not sure myself.” She said. “I guess I was just tired of everything. Of not being able to protect Boyd. Of being a robot. I do not know…” 

“But Boyd’s safe right? Like, he’s okay right now?”

“Gyro’s erasing his memories after yesterday. There was a gang that kidnapped him and Gloria and then Gyro and I had to murder them. We threw the bodies overboard. Uncle Glomgold wanted to feed them to the sharks. I ended up pushing him in too but it was all in front of Boyd so…” Ellie decided to add to that. “You do not have to worry about the man I was with either. Drew. I sort of scared him off with the whole murder thing and then threatening to kill him. He was pretty boring anyway so it is not a huge loss… but he called me crazy and I guess that's just what got to me. Gyro says that all the time too and I know it’s true. Drew confirming that just pushed me to my limit for once. I feel so out of place in the world. I can’t be like normal people.” 

Mark forced out a small laugh “I guess I missed a lot then…” He continued after a moment “It seems to me that you’ve done more than any “normal” person has ever done to protect their kid. Don’t sell yourself short on Boyd, Ellie. He loves you and you’ve done more for him in the past day than any mother would ever go through in her life. Straight facts.”

“I love him so much. Erasing his negative memories just feels like an easy way out rather than being a good mother and helping him cope with it. But so much has happened that I could not even think of where to begin with helping him. I failed in that sense.” She awkwardly cleared her throat. “I also asked Gyro to erase the memories of the strip club so…” 

Mark nodded “Well, Boyd’s whole thing has always been that he is a real boy. He’s gone through a lot and I think you made the right call by having Gyro erase his memories of everything. Sure you could consider it the easy way out but wouldn’t it be better for everyone involved?”

“...can I ask you a question?” 

“Yeah?”

“You said you loved me but you never told me why. Why do you and why are you trying so hard to get me back? You can just build another version of me or something.” 

Once again, it took Mark a minute to respond. “Ellie… I can’t build “another version” of you because I don’t want to. We’ve gone through so much together. Granted that some of it were horrible near death experiences but we always did it together. I know I keep bringing my mom up but she would never spend time with me. I’ve been on my own for a really long time and the only sort of comfort I got from others was through my phone.” Mark held his phone up to emphasize his point before tucking it away again. “When you came into my life… I dunno, that sort of comfort I got from social media came from you as well. If that makes sense. You were the first person to actually enjoy my company IRL. I’ll always appreciate you for that. No one truly knows me like you do, Ellie. Not my mom. Not my stupid coach dad. Not my fans…” He continued “I just- after watching all of those movies with M’ma and seeing everyone get these nice happy endings. I want that, ya know? But I only want those kinds of happy movie endings with you. And Boyd of course.” Mark cleared his throat and started to twiddle with his thumbs again as he waited on Ellie’s response.

Her response took a while to come. “God… I do not know what to say to that, honestly…” Ellie lifted her head to look at him. She was crying, with no tears, as you may expect. “Thank you. I really needed to hear that from someone. Or… from you, rather. You are the only person who knows me too. No one knows my real feelings except you… even if you do not listen most of the time. But it’s nice to know someone doesn’t think I’m crazy. I suppose it is because you are crazy too.” She gave a pretty sorry excuse of a laugh, but at least there was some effort put into it. “I am extremely ignorant for saying this, but I really want you back despite you being a complete asshole. And we’ll probably keep getting in fights over and over again…” She started crying harder. “And it’ll keep repeating itself like some fucking never ending carousel. But I want you back anyway. I just cannot keep myself away from you. Maybe it’s my programming or I just love you that much even though I have no reason to anymore. I have some sick obsession with you that I cannot wrap my head around.” 

Mark quickly got up from his seat and knelt down in front of her, holding both of her hands in his. He wanted her to look at him when he said this. “Hey no no that’s not going to happen anymore. Okay? I mean it this time, Ellie. I hate fighting with you too and I swear that things will be different from now on. We are not going to be like my parents! I know I’m not perfect here but I am going to do everything I can to have us be the literal definition of relationship goals!” He sighed “Having you and Boyd leave was painful for me... But I’m going to use that as a warning in the back of my head from now on. To never let that happen to us again. Alright?”

“...okay.” She sniffled and squeezed his hands in turn, smiling weakly. But her face fell flat again pretty quick. “...but you should probably know something before you take me back…” 

His stomach sank. “What is it?”

She bit her lip and darted her eyes away before speaking up. “I… may have...perhaps...rebounded with Drew. A ‘one night stand’ sort of thing. I am not sure if that is what you call it or not but… I just could not get you off my mind so I turned to him. I am so sorry. That may count as cheating… I am not sure about that either.” She looked back at Mark. “I ended up trying to kill him the next day… but that does not change anything.” 

When Mark didn’t respond she added one last thing.

“You have every right to be mad at me. Even if it was not technically cheating.” 

“No no I’m not mad at you… I’m just- shocked I guess. I dunno… but ummm thank you for telling me at least.” Mark stood up, still holding onto Ellie’s hands. “So… are we good now?” He gave a weak smile.

She nodded and stood up with him. “Yes. I’d say we are good.” 

Mark sighed in relief and gave Ellie a big hug. “Oh thank god.”

She hugged him back, tightly. Her chest began to tighten as well. “About the other night, when you proposed, were you, uh, serious about that? Or was that in the heat of the moment?” 

He pulled out of the hug to look at Ellie and laughed nervously. He scratched behind his head. “You remember that, huh?... Well- I mean- of course I meant it but I don’t have any of it planned. I don’t have a ring or anything but… yes of course I’ve been thinking about proposing. For a while actually. But I can’t do it now. I want it to be perfect! So just… wait. Wait and act surprised!”

“Pardon?” 

He winked and did a finger gun gesture “Yeah exactly! Just pretend that you don’t know!”

“Do not know what?” 

“Wh- I’m talking about proposing.”

She looked at him, bewildered. “I thought you said I was supposed to not know what you were talking about.” 

“Oh... haha right. Okay yeah just keep doing that!” God Mark was stupid.

She just stood there and stared at him with no expression like she usually did. She was about to respond with a simple “okay” when a flash of what seemed like light shot by. A light that was a round figure with long blonde hair. She looked away from Mark. “Um…” 

Mark looked confused. He turned around to see what Ellie was looking at but he didn’t see anything. “What?”

Ellie shook her head and turned her attention back to him. “Nevermind. I thought I saw something but it is not important.” 

Mark shrugged before picking up his cards again. “Alright well, I’m pretty tired. And cold. And hungry. Do you want to get out of the rain and go back to our room now?”

Ellie laughed awkwardly before rubbing her arm. “Not unless you have an umbrella.” 

Mark handed Ellie the cards. “Could these work? You can put them over your head or something?”

She shrugged and took the large cards from him. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

As Gyro and Gloria waited for Boyd to wake up, Gyro finally checked his messages.

He paused and made a face at Gloria. 

Gloria made a face back “What’s up?”

“Ellie...just called me her...friend…?” He gave her the phone. 

She gasped and reread the text over and over again. “You finally have a friend, Gyro!” She laughed at her dumb joke. She took stupid selfies of herself with his phone before handing it back to him.

He scrolled through them. “Wowwww… har har. You’re so funny for taking 50 photos that I’m going to have to scroll through and delete.” He looked back up at her. “Anyway, I still don’t view Ellie as a friend so sucks for her I guess.” He stuffed his phone in his back pocket. 

“Yeah why did she say that? Maybe she’s grateful that you erased Boyd’s memories?”

He shrugged and sat back down. “Beats me. I don’t know about you but I’m going to take a nap.” 

Gloria thought about Ellie’s text in her head again. “Hey let me see that text again.”

“Why?” He didn’t bother for an answer, he just handed it over to her before turning back to his sleeping position. “Just plug it in when you’re done.” 

She didn’t respond to that and honestly, she probably won’t. She looked over the text again. “I dunno, Gyro… Ellie talks weird but, this is a little too… weird. And the whole “even if it means ridding memories of me.” that’s a little sketchy.”

Gyro sighed and sat up again. “So? You know she’s pretty weird. I know you guys are best friends and all but come on.” 

She scoffed “Read over the text again. It sounds like she’s leaving or something.” She grabbed her own phone. “I’m going to text her and see if she’s okay.”

He obliged and took his phone back to reread it. “I see what you mean, but she can’t go anywhere because we’re on a cruise so… we are stopping at that island soon though.” 

Gloria sent her a quick “Hey bitch, you okay?” text and watched her phone for any new notifications. “...Gyro it’s raining right now. You don’t think she meant leaving leaving do you? Oh god…” She covered her mouth with her hand.

“Leaving leaving?” He gave her a look before looking back down at his message. “...oh…um…” 

Gloria shot up and grabbed her raincoat. “I’m going to try and find her.”

Before she reached the door handle, there was frantic knocking causing the two to jump. 

Gyro shot up. “Goddamnit! I think you’re right!” They both thought the knocking was terrible news of some sort. 

Her heart dropped as she opened the door for whoever was there. They were assuming a police officer. No. They were greeted with Flintehart Glomgold wearing a Sailor Moon cosplay. He was soaking wet and had seaweed on his blonde wig. He waddled in position, fuming like an animal crossing character.

“OI! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! PUSHING ME OFF ME CRUISE!” 

She was very shocked to see Glomgold alive and in one piece but her thoughts were only on checking on Ellie. “Move, bitch. I gotta see if Ellie’s alright!” She tried squirming past him but his body took up the entire door frame.

“WOT?! I AM MORE IMPORTANT HERE!” He pushed her back. “I THINK SHE’S FIGHTING WITH MARK AGAIN SO LEAVE HER ALONE, BITTTTCCCCCHHHHHH!” He emphasized “bitch” because he was Scottish. Fake Scottish but whatever. 

Also the “fighting” he was referring to was them hugging when he scuttled by like a flash of light.

“Wait so you just saw Ellie?! Is she okay?”

“DUH!” 

Gloria sighed in relief and took off her raincoat to put it back on its hook. “Duck Jesus….” She muttered to herself before flopping on the bed. “So what the hell are you doing here, Glomgold?”

He cockroach crawled in on all fours, slamming the door shut with his back leg. “MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” He jumped onto the bed and spun in circles like a dog before laying down next to Boyd. 

Gyro walked over to him. “How did you survive?!”

“WOT?!”

“The ocean and the sharks!”

“MEH BABIES KNOW NOT TO EAT DADDEH! AND MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” 

Gloria got up long enough to shove Glomgold off the bed “Get off! You’re wet and you smell!”

“OI! I SMELL? YOOH SMELL!” He spun around. “ANYWAY! LIKE MEH OUTFIT?!” 

Gyro pinched his temples. “Why are you in anime cosplay?”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” 

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ASKED!” Gloria added. She’s not gonna lie, Glomgold looked great in the Sailor Moon cosplay! Very few people were able to rock that cosplay and he was one of them.

“DO YOOH LIKE IT?”

“NO!” Gyro screamed.

“FUK YOOH THEN!” 

“Yeah it’s pretty cool.” 

Glomgold scottishly hummed to himself. “Thank yooh, Gladis.” Without another word, he scuttled under the bed and claimed it as his hovel for the next 24 hours. 

Gyro sighed. “I can’t take this anymore. The dude is unkillable!” Suddenly his phone dinged and he took it out. It was another message from Ellie. He rolled his eyes and handed it to Gloria so she could look. “Yeah. She’s fine.” 

The text message read “NVM FUK U ;)” Gloria laughed and handed it back to Gyro. “I guess Mark and Ellie are on good terms again.”

“...great.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	15. The Party

It was evening and the cruise had just docked at the first caribbean island. About fucking time. Arrival was a bit delayed due to yesterday’s storm.

To work as a welcome, the cruise had set up some sort of “fancy” party on the beach. How fancy it was was unknown but Gyro got in his best attire anyway. Not that he brought anything too fancy so he would have to wait and see if he was out of place or not.

Gloria, on the other hand, looked nice as hell. 

He held out his arm for Gloria as they were leaving the cabin. “M’lady.” 

“Ew.” She hated the fact that this man was using neckbeard slang from 2009 but whatever, she locked arms with him anyways.

Gyro laughed awkwardly; he wasn’t sure if Gloria said “ew” in a joking manner or not. Maybe “m’lady” was a bit too out there. Oh fucking well. He was used to Gloria spitting straight up facts. “I dunno about how I feel about the first island event being a fancy party. Doesn’t sound too relaxing to me but I feel obliged to go.” He looked over at her. “You, uh, look pretty by the way.” Gyro forgot to mention that. M’ma could be anywhere. But he did truly think Gloria looked pretty. 

“Thanks! You don’t look too bad yourself.” They continued walking to the party in silence before Gloria changed the subject. “So Boyd’s still doing okay after you erased his memories last night? He doesn’t remember anything?”

“Wha- no no. Ellie asked me to erase the traumatic events. Steelbeak, the gang, you get the idea. He remembers who we are and how he met us, etc. But, yeah, he seemed to be doing pretty chipper when I dropped him off at Ellie… and Mark’s room.” Gyro thought it was disgusting they got back together. He was sort of proud of Ellie but he took that back real quick. “I just hope he can make some friends tonight at the kid section of the party or something. I feel bad for him, ya know? He’s just so nice he gets pushed around a lot. He’s got Huey but that little dude isn’t here so…” 

“Wait wait, Boyd gets pushed around?! By who!? It wouldn’t be the first time that I fought a child!”

Gyro laughed, thinking Gloria was joking. But then he realized she wasn’t. “Don’t worry. He hasn’t been bullied, it just seems the other kids think he’s weird. But he’s too innocent to notice… I don’t think he’s bothered by it. He’s happy enough to have us and Huey back home.” 

“Alright… But I’m going to keep my eye out for any little shits who try something. The strong must protect the sweet.” Yes, that is a Simpsons quote.

When the two approached the party, which was candlelit and underneath a gorgeous canopy, Gyro’s heart sank. He looked down at himself. Man, this fucker was so underdressed. At least he had his bowtie. Gloria would fit in perfectly so he looked like more of an idiot standing next to her. Sucks to be him. 

Gloria was excited as hell. She had never been to a party this fancy. It was almost Miss Glamour level, which meant they were going to have killer food and drinks. She was totally going to ditch Gyro’s ass and shove her mouth full of… whatever they have at fancy parties. Caviar? Yeah. That. 

“Okay,” Gloria looked at Gyro and did her evil smirk. “So, you can do nerdy socialization with the fancy people, I’m going to go try and gain 10 pounds in one night.” 

“Not even a slow dance? C’mon…” 

She threw her head back. “Oh my GODDDDD! Fine. Aight. I can rock a pole so I can rock the floor too.” Gloria grabbed his hand and dragged him inside, or still outside under shelter, to get the dancing game on. Other people were doing that stupid thing where they sway side to side or whatever. “Okay. 5 minutes then you can kiss me or whatever the hell, and then I peace out to eat crab cakes.”

“Deal.”

On the other side of the party, which was a very large area, Ellie gave Boyd a hug goodbye. “If you do not want to stay in the kids area anymore or want to go back to the room, give one of us a ring, okay?” 

Boyd had a Gucci phone given to him by Mark as a sort of apology for the strip club, even if Boyd didn’t remember that or his and Ellie’s fight. He really doesn’t need it. All he used it for is to call Ellie, text Huey and Gyro, and play games on it but whatever. “Don’t worry, mom! I will! I’ll see you guys later!” Boyd ran over to where the other kids were gathered and started chatting away immediately.

Ellie turned to Mark, champagne glass in hand because she thought that was mandatory like she always did. “This party is idiotic. My mental breakdown at the rave was more entertaining.”

“Ugh! Tell me about it! They’re playing boring island music or whatever. Nothing to rave too!” Mark was dressed up for the event but he was still pretty bitter about being there.

“Oh well. It is a good oppurtunity for Boyd to socialize with other children again and I suppose that is all that matters. You look not stupid by the way.” That was her way of telling him he looked nice. 

He looked down at what he was wearing and then back up at Ellie “Thanksssss!” He gave her a peace sign before taking a selfie of the two of them to post on twitter. He had already deleted all of his “emo breakup” tweets that he was spamming people for the past few days.

After Ellie had complimented him she stared at him blankly. “I said you look not stupid…” 

Mark was a little slow but he eventually figured it out. “Oh! Right! You uh look not stupid, too!”

She smiled. “Thank you! Since we are back together I expect you to compliment me first.” It came out as sort of a threat. 

“No, you’re right, you’re right. My b, boo!” He made a heart sign with his hands.

That seemed to make Ellie content enough.

“Anywaysssssss, it’s boring just sitting here! What do you want to do? If you want we can just ditch this party all together and go to the beach.”

Ellie nodded. “That is a wonderful idea! I want to try to find a starfish so I can rip it apart piece by piece and watch an organic life suffer.” She paused. “...I believe I need to call Ms. Kris again.” 

“I meannnnn… If i’m not mistaken, don’t starfish just grow limbs back?”

“That takes the fun out of it.” She huffed. To be fair, Ellie was trying to cope with the ‘almost jumping overboard’ thing from yesterday. Mark didn’t bring it up and she didn’t expect him to, considering he was, well, him. And he wasn’t good at picking up on stuff. Needless to say, she was having a rough time and killing something made her feel better. 

Perhaps she could bring it up with Mark later. He needed to know how she felt if their relationship was repairing itself for a second time. 

“I mean we could always-”

“OI!” Glomgold waddled up behind them and snatched both of their champagne glasses, chugging both of them down instantly. He was still in his Sailor Moon cosplay. It was starting to grow mold on it after he was in the ocean for so long. And damn he smelled. 

Ellie looked down at him and looked at Mark again in pure shock, and then back down at Glomgold. “How- how did you? What?” 

“SURPRISEEEEEEEEE I’M ALIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEE! MUAHAHAHA!” Glomgold smashed both of their glasses to the ground.

It was tempting to tackle him but Ellie laid a hand over her face and started lightly crying. “Why won’t you die…? I do not understand!” 

Glomgold punched himself in the gut “I HAVE ABS OF STEEL! NOTHING CAN KILL MEH!”

“Just go tackle a waiter serving caviar. I do not want to deal with you right now.” Ellie’s next murder idea was to rip all of his limbs off instead of a starfish. 

“WOT?! NOOOOOO! YOOH TACKLE A WAITER FOR MEH, ROBO-BABEH! I DON’T WANNA RUIN MEH COSTUME!” Glomgold lifted up his skirt a little too high as he was gesturing to the outfit he was wearing. Some people are still trying to fight the trauma of seeing that to this day.

Before either of them could respond to that, or before Mark could throw up, Gloria approached with Gyro followed from behind. She started shooting finger guns, stealing Mark’s signature move.

“What’s up BITCHESSSSS!? What a dank ass party!” Gloria already had a little too much champaign. Gyro decided it was best to keep an eye on her. She pulled up a chair from another table to sit next to Mark and Ellie, leaving Gyro the only one standing.

Mark rolled his eyes. “Dank ass party?! Are you KIDDING me?! This is almost as boring as Gyro’s outfit!” He gestured to Gyro to emphasize his point. 

Gyro didn’t respond to that. He just scoffed. 

Ellie beamed at Gloria. She hadn’t seen her in the past 2 days, more or less. “Good evening, Gloria.” She greeted. “I do have to agree with Mark. This party is a tad boring but it is alright.” 

Gloria groaned and slammed her head on the table “I want to do something fun! Like, burn this tablecloth or something!”

“No no!” Gyro laid a hand on her shoulder. “Let’s not commit arson in the middle of a party where everyone can see us.”

Mark threw up his hands. “WHY NOT?! THAT’S A GREAT IDEA!”

Gloria sat up again and looked at Mark “RIGHT?! They’re too many happy people here and it makes me sick. I want- no, need to prank a poor soul here!” The cruise should honestly tell the employees at all the bars to give Gloria a drinking limit.

“Great idea! Let’s do it, bitch!” Giving her a high five, Mark proceeded to jump up and pump his fists in the air. 

Ellie looked at the two of them. “I do not believe it is the best idea to draw attention to ourselves at the moment.” Hypocritical since she tried to murder Glomgold in a resteraunt but whatever. 

If you’re wondering where Glomgold went, he scuttled off into the crowd on all fours when he realized no one was paying attention to him. He would wreak havoc somewhere else. Glomgold is that kind of person who needs a leash but no one wanted to be responsible for him so that never happened.

“It’ll be fiiiineeeeeeeeee! We’ll only commit like, 3 illegal acts! Nothing crazy!”

“Do you want to see how many french fries I can fit in my mouth?!” Mark asked, his eyes glimmering like an anime girl as excitement built up in his dead soul. He started walking toward the food table.

Gloria stood up too to follow him. “HELL YEAH!”

Ellie stood up when he started walking away and reached out a hand in protest.“Mark wait! We should… spend more time together.” She trailed off when she realized he wasn’t listening and sat back down. She laid her head on her fist and sighed. 

Gyro sighed too and sat in Mark’s seat “Yeah, I know how you feel… Gloria and I just got here and she immediately got drunk.” He crossed his arms, watching Gloria chant “Chug! Chug!” while Mark was putting an ungodly amount of french fries in his mouth. He was waiting for him to choke and die.

Ellie looked over at Gyro in somewhat of a shock. She was surprised he was actually talking to her and didn’t just walk away. Not wanting to be rude, she continued the conversation. “I am giving Mark another chance and, well…” She gestured over to him. “You can see how that is going. Not the best idea on my half… he said he would change but, if I am being honest, I still have doubts. But I love him too much to not give him the benefit of the doubt.” 

He scoffed “He’s a complete and utter idiot. I don’t see why you would but whatever, that’s none of my business.”

“I am not sure either, it is as if I have this weird obsession with him. As if I am unstable without him. But I will say I am still keeping a bit of a distance with him for now.” That was hard to admit, but she spoke the truth. She moved on with the conversation to push through it. “Yesterday I almost- then he- and I...” She stopped, this was getting too awkward and it dawned on her this was Gyro fucking Gearloose she was speaking with. She decided to change the subject. “Anyway, you look horrid as per usual.” 

He looked down at his outfit “Ummm this is from Banana Republic thank you very much! Besides, I didn’t realize how formal the event was going to be or I would’ve worn something else!”

Ellie shook her head. “I was not speaking of your ‘Banana Republic’ outfit, I was referring to your face.” 

Gyro didn’t respond to that but he continued to stay at the table. Why? He didn’t even know but he did.

“About the text I sent the other day, the one that was all sappy where I said I was your friend…” Ellie started awkwardly playing with her hair. “I did not mean that so…” 

“Oh yeah… What was that all about anyways? You started to freak Gloria out. She thought that you were dead or something.”

“I was just thinking over things I guess you could say. I was having a… rough time. But I should not have sent anything. That was very poor judgement.” 

“Eh whatever, don’t worry about it.”

Ellie was going to end the conversation there but she didn’t for whatever reason. Perhaps it was because Mark wasn’t there to listen to her. She didn’t know. “Mark did not seem to really care.” Stopping, she shook her head to correct herself. “No, I mean, he did, but he did not ask many questions about it and we just sort of… moved on to forgiving each other quickly rather than addressing the situation. I am not sure if that is for the better or worse.” 

“Ummm… you’re telling me this because?” He gave her a look. And not a very happy one at that.

“That is a good question.” She sighed. “No one else will really listen to me so… nevermind.” 

“Well it’s not like you were programmed to have any emotions, right?” He really didn’t know the answer to that. He just assumed that she didn’t.

“I was. Just not negative ones. I do not really know what is going on to be honest. I do not know the answer for once and that is what scares me. I guess that is why I started debating- no. Nevermind. Nevermind.” She kinda just waved him off. 

Gyro adjusted his glasses “Interesting… It seems like you were able to bypass your own programming by expressing more negative emotions. Most likely due to all of the negative environments we have all been forced to go through. That’s probably why you’re having such a rough time. Because your programming is trying to work one way while also being pulled to work another.” He continued “I guess I was wrong. There is probably more to you than just “evil” despite the fact you were made by Mark…”

Ellie scoffed. “I wanted someone to listen to me, not analyze me.” 

He scoffed back “Can I not do both?”

“Thank you for the feedback, Gyro.” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. “That information does not change anything. You do not care just like everybody else. And I know you think I am crazy and a killing machine and whatever else. God. I stopped myself from doing the one thing that could spare me because I was too much of a wimp. And what do I get? Watching Mark choke on french fries and a scientist taking notes.” 

“Ugh what are you even talking about?! I literally just said that I was wrong which is rare for me to say! I mean that I don’t think you’re a “killing machine”. I mean, yeah, you’ve murdered people, but with some morality in check.”

Ellie wanted to mouth him off again for raising his voice at her but she stopped herself. This was supposed to be a vacation. She just went back to being sad which was the new norm, other than angry. “What am I supposed to do, Gyro? It is just… getting more tempting. Even Mark being by my side does not help, he doesn’t notice. No one notices. I do wish to talk about it but why I am telling you of all people is beyond me. I know some of my negative memories were erased. I figured that out with all the empty spots in my data, but look what that did? I’m just spiralling downward again. Just- Ugh!” 

Gyro sighed “You know, I’ve been despising Mark for a few years now so unfortunately I’ve picked up a few things about him. Yes, he may seem like he isn’t listening to you but believe me, he is. He’s like a kid. He runs around screaming and causing problems but he absorbs information like a sponge. That’s why he’s so great at scheming. Because he listens and takes in the information he’s given… So I guess my point is that Mark is listening to you. In fact, he probably listens to you most of all. I don’t know that for certainty but, if I had to guess, I’d say that he does.”

Ellie let out what sounded like a breath but she didn’t need to breath so whatever. “Thanks. You are right. I should just bring it up with him instead of trying to close myself off as I usually do. I know he cares. I have to stop picking fights with him as well. But, anyway, it was nice of you to listen to me even though I hate you…” She groaned in complete and utter disgust before looking at him. “I cannot believe I am saying this but I do not hate you, Gyro. You are okay. My text was genuine, alright? There. I said it.” She put her hands up like she was confessing to a murder. And she looked pretty pissed about being caught too. “I have three friends and… I consider you to be one of them.” 

“Well thank you, I guess. That was a somewhat nice comment. I suppose you are not as evil as I once perceived you to be…” He continued “I am never going to forgive Mark, but I think we can be friends.” He smiled and held his hand out to her for them to shake.

Ellie laughed pretty uncomfortably. It was nice of him, but damn. This was weird. 3 acts just to get a handshake and a smile. “Okay, there is this pretty cliche thing that happens in novels I read where the characters ‘start over’ or something similar, so let’s do that.” She cringed before taking his hand and smiling. “Hi, I am Ellie.” 

Yeah, Gyro thought that it was pretty cringy too but whatever. “Hi, Ellie. I’m Gyro Gearloose, Scrooge’s Number 1 scientist!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Sir, I am going to have to ask you to step away from the fries.” 

“SHFHWUIGUIW GFWYUWGYV BVHYWVWYU!” Mark was trying to spill out curse words at the waiter but nothing really came out but jumbled screams. 

Gloria nodded as if she knew what Mark was saying. She looked at the guy who was telling him to stop eating. “He said “Up yours!”” Gloria made a very inappropriate gesture for a fancy dinner party.

“If you two do not step away from the snack table, I am going to have to call security.” 

Gloria’s tone shifted. “Woah woah okay buddy no need to be a snitch, we’re leaving.” Gloria started walking away with Mark following behind her. He was trying to chew all of the fries in his mouth.

He finally choked most of it down before spitting the remaining bunch on the floor. “Aight! What’re we doing now?” He looked around. “Let’s fuck with someone… oh I know!” Mark pointed across the party area. “That little bitch over there.” It was Drew. 

Gloria looked over at the guy he was referring too. “Wait isn’t that Ellie’s old boyfriend?”

“They weren’t dating!” He threw his hands in the air. “But anyway, that’s the bastard Ellie said we gotta keep an eye on him because he may snitch on you for whatever the hell you did. So I say let’s scare the living shit out of him. Or just give him a swirly.” He realized the only nearby flushing toilets were on the cruise. “Fine. Maybe we’ll resort to the porta potties if we don’t come up with anything else.” 

“Swirlies? God what is this? Middle school? No no no. If we are going to fuck with this guy, it’s going to be good! Follow my lead.”

“Whatever you say you crazy bitch!” He did some finger guns behind her. “Pew pew pew.” 

Gloria went behind Drew who was currently sitting at the bar. She swept the stool from under him, causing him to fall.

“OW! HEY!” Drew sat up to see who kicked him down only to be scared shitless. “O-oh god it’s you again! You guys promised you wouldn’t hurt me, remember!?”

Gloria ignored him. She hoisted him up by his shirt “Come with us.” She started walking towards the exit with Drew in the middle of her and Mark. 

Once they were outside and away from everyone, Gloria kicked him to the ground again.

Drew started to cry, holding his hands up in front of his face. “I said I wasn’t going to snitch! Honest!”

“See, I don’t believe you… I think we will have to silence you, permanently!” Gloria cracked her knuckles.

Mark was starting to get a little scared too. He tapped Gloria’s shoulder and whispered “Dude, you’re not going to actually kill him, right?”

“No Mark, you were right about him! A little bitch like him only deserves death!”

Mark took that as a “Homie, this is a joke. Chill the fuck out.” and smirked. 

Gloria took out a pocket knife that she was luckily carrying with her. She held the blade up to Drew’s forehead. “Anything you would like to say, snitch!?”

He put his hands in the air and started crying harder. “Please! I didn’t say anything! I swear! I wrote it on a piece of paper to get my thoughts out but I burned it in the lobby fireplace! I swear! I swear to you! Please! I don’t know who told you that I snitched, but I didn’t!” Drew looked at Mark and his eyes widened like he just realized who it was. “He-” He pointed to him, shaking. “Was he the one to tell you?! It’s because he has a thing against me after seeing me at the Hamlet on Ice showing! That’s why he said I snitched!” 

Gloria tapped her knife on her cheek as if she was thinking “Hmmmm I dunno that doesn’t really add up. And I know you’re not trying to lie to me right now, right, bitch?! Do you really want to die a liar and a snitch?!”

Drew pissed himself. Literally. “No! I don’t want to die at all!” He got into a begging position and placed his hands on his skull like it would shield him from a blade. That shit would go straight through his hand and he knew it. “Okay! You got me! I also told my teddy bear, Jeffery!” 

Gloria put the blade right on his head. Nothing to kill him though, just scare him. “HOW MANY MORE LIES HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING, ANDREW?! ANSWER WISELY!”

“NO! I HAVE NOTHING ELSE I’M HIDING! I SWEAR!” He was barely understandable at this point. “PLEASE, LEAVE ME BE! I’M JUST A JANITOR THAT LIKES SOAP OPERAS!” 

Gloria knelt down in front of him, putting away her pocket knife. Her tone made a 180. “Well gosh! All you had to say was “please”!” She smiled at him.

He looked up, barely being able to see because of all the tears blurring his vision. “W-what?” He gulped. “I- I said please a lot…” 

“You did? Hmm. Guess I wasn’t listening… Okay whatever you’re free to go!” Gloria sat up first, extending her hand out to help Drew up.

He looked at her hand for a minute before taking it. When he stood up, Gloria kept a tight grip on his hand. 

“Let this be a lesson to never snitch on me or my friends. Got it?!”

He nodded quickly before attempting to leave but his path was quickly blocked by a round figure cosplaying as Sailor Moon. 

“OI!” Glomgold scuttled over on all fours. “WOT ARE YOOH DOING IN MY TERRITORY?!” He circled the three of them, scottishly growling. 

Gloria let go of Drew’s hand. “God what do you want now, Glomgold?! Can’t you see that we were busy pranking this poor soul!?”

“P-pranking?” Drew looked at her.

“Way to go, Gloria! You ruined it!” Mark scoffed. “Now he’s gonna snitch!”

“No he won’t!” Gloria turned her attention back to Drew. “Yes. It was a prank but the horror was real. Remember that.”

He nodded and continued to watch Glomgold scuttle around them.

Glomgold started sniffing the air. “WOT IS THAT?!” He scuttled up to Gloria before swiping her pocket knife away. “WHY DO YOU HAVE THIS, GLADIS?! AT MEH PARTY?!!!”

“You never know when you want to do a good ol’ fashioned interrogation!”

“Oh… I see… I thought you were trying to help me find food for meh shark babehs.” 

“Why would I ever help you?!”

“I DUNNO! MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” He turned around and started sniffing Drew. “AND WHO ARE YOOH?! YOOH SMELL SWEET!”

Drew gulped. “I- I’m Andrew, but you can call me Drew. And it’s probably my cologne.”

“Oh… I see…” Glomgold rubbed his chin. “Do you like sharks, Drew?” 

Drew did not like sharks but he didn’t want to piss this dude off. “Y-yeah. I- I love sharks.” 

“Oh… I see…” Glomgold thought for a second. “Meh babehs appreciated the snack the other day so I’m trying to find them another. Yooh got goldfish?”

Drew couldn’t lie about that so he shook his head.

“Oh… I see…” Glomgold shrugged and took out the pocket knife. “Whatever. You’ll do!” 

“Wha-”

Glomgold snagged onto Drew and bit his leg. 

Drew fell to the ground, screaming. “STOP! GET OFF OF ME!”

“MEH BABEHS SHALL FEAST!” Glomgold stabbed into Drew’s neck with his pocket knife. 

Drew struggled for a few seconds but when he went limp, Glomgold stood up and snatched the blade back, handing it to Gloria. Blood was all over his Sailor Moon cosplay. “Can yooh two help me drag his body into the ocean?” 

Gloria and Mark just stared at him in shock.

“Did you just…” Mark paused for a second to take it all in. “Kill a man in cold blood. You. Flintheart Glomgold, managed to kill someone?” That’s right. Mark wasn’t as disturbed my the murder as he was that Glomgold actually did something successfully. 

“YES! BECAUSE I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD AND -”

“WHAT IS GOING ON?!” Gyro stormed over. “Gloria, I leave you with Mark for 30 minutes and-” He got cut off when he looked down at the dead body. “Is that Drew?”

“WHO?” Glomgold yelled, but everyone ignored him. He grunted and started trying to drag Drew toward the ocean but nothing was really working because he was a weak ass bitch. Everyone just kinda stared at him. 

Ellie finally approached. Gyro had run all the way over there but she wasn’t doing that shit so she took her time. She looked at her Uncle and then the dead body. “DREW?!” 

“WHO?!”

“UNCLE GLOMGOLD! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

“I NEEDED FOOD TO FEED MEH BABEHS! NOW SHUT UP AND HELP ME DRAG HIM INTO THE OCEAN!” 

Three security guards walked up. “What is all the commotion here? Shouldn’t you all be at the party?” One of them asked. 

Everyone stopped and stared at them in shock, except Glomgold who was still struggling to pull Drew and was still making no progress. 

One of the security guards noticed Glomgold dragging the dead body and pointed at it so the other two would notice. 

There was a moment of tense silence, excluding scottish grunting.

“So, um…” One of the security said. “Is anybody going to explain this?” 

Gloria was the first to respond. “Yeah we are all innocent bystanders here, officer sir. That clown over there is the murderer!” Gloria pointed to Glomgold.

“WHO ARE YOOH CALLING A CLOWN?!” Glomgold protested. “I think she’s talking about yooh, Mark.” He dropped the body and pointed to him.

“What?! No! I look snazzy as hell and you know it!”

“Okay! Everyone shut up!” Another one of the guards put up his hands. “You all look guilty to me.” 

Ellie walked over to Gloria and took her knife before turning to the Glomsquad, which included Gyro and Gloria now. “Should I just kill them?” 

A guard took the knife away from her. “Nah. Look, murdering is not that great so I’m sorry to do this but you are all forced to stay on the ship for the remainder of the stay here on this island.” 

“So… we aren’t being charged?” Gyro raised a brow.

“Why would I do that?”

Nobody responded to that.

“Alright, off you go!” The officers shoo-ed the Glomsquad towards the direction of the cruise ship.

Ellie looked at them. “I have to pick up my child.”

“Oh yeah that’s chill.” One shrugged. “But your kid is banned from the island too so…” 

Mark threw his head back. “DAMNIT!” 

“Listen, son, could you please not use such language? It’s very upsetting.”

Mark just stared at him before saying. “Fuck you.” 

Glomgold nodded to himself and grunted scottishly, finally giving up on the body. “He wasn’t that ripe anyway.” He admitted. “But, man, this is my fifth island being banned from this year!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria, Gyro, and Glomgold stood together inside of Mark, Ellie, and Boyd’s suite. The 5 of them were glaring at Glomgold. Basically they brought him there to have a talk. 

“WOT DO YOOH ALL WANT?! I WANNA GO TO BED!” 

“YOU GOT US KICKED OFF THE ISLAND!” Gyro shoved him.

“DON’T YOOH TOUCH ME, DR. FUCK FACE!” Glomgold shoved him back.

“Dude,” Mark was the next to interfere. “Why? Why the hell did you think it was okay to murder right by a fucking party when we were nearby?! At least do your shit privately! Damn! We don’t bring you into our murder schemes!”

“Because we plan on murdering him.” Gyro muttered under his breath, but Glomgold didn’t hear that. Well he did, but it went through one ear and out the other. 

“STOP GANGING UP ON MEH! I’M NOT HAPPEH ABOUT BEING KICKED OFF THE ISLAND EITHER!” 

Ellie put her hands up. “Okay. Okay. Uncle Glomgold, you are ruining the vacation for all of us so can you please just leave us alone? I can steal someone else's key card for you.”

“NOOOO! MY SENT IS IN YOUR SUITE SO IT’S MINE! MINE I SAY!” 

He quickly scuttled under the bed, leaving a trail of blood behind him. 

Boyd wasn’t really phased. Ellie told him it was ketchup. 

Mark looked up and Gloria and Gyro. “Well… I guess we can murder him tomorrow or something.” 

“Man fuck all of this! I don’t care what those fuckers told us, I’m just going to sneak back on the island so I can get drunk again.”

Gyro laid a hand on his shoulder, like he usually did. “Gloria…” 

“It is a good plan. As long as we stick away from security we should be fine.”

Gloria hummed to herself before throwing her hands out, gesturing to Ellie. “SEE! SHE AGREES!” 

Gyro took his glasses off really quickly to rub his forehead. “Okay. We’ll go back on the island anyway and come up with more murder plans to take down Glomgold. What a lovely family vacation.” 

“What if we just leave him on the island?” Gloria suggested.

While the three were talking, Ellie was tucking Boyd into bed to shut down for the night. 

Nodding to himself, Mark responded. “That’s not a bad idea. Maybe we can chain him to a pole. Not a leash like you guys did with the car. Like, straight up metal. Leave him in an alleyway and whatever.

Gyro yawned. “Sounds good to me, but I’m going to bed. You coming along, Gloria?” He wasn’t sure if she was going to sneak back into the party or not. She was pretty unpredictable. 

“Yeah. I’ll sneak back on the island tomorrow; there’s no rush.”

He nodded and the two wished Ellie and Mark goodnight before peacing the fuck out. Glomgold was already knocked out under the bed so he may as well have not been present either. 

While Mark was brushing his teeth in front of the shattered mirror, the one Ellie punched, Ellie knocked on the open door politely to grab his attention. 

He spit out his toothpaste. “Yo.” 

“Hey.” Ellie leaned against the doorframe. “I apologize for being a bit snippy with you at the beginning of the party.” 

He shrugged, putting his toothbrush away. “Don’t worry about it! It’s cool.”

“Alright, well…” Ellie froze. She discussed with Gyro and said herself that she had to open up with Mark again about… the terrible thing that almost happened yesterday but she just stopped and nothing would come out when she opened her mouth. “That’s all I was going to say so goodnight.” 

“Goodnight!”

She smiled softly, feeling more quilty as she crawled into bed. She just couldn’t tell him. She couldn’t do it; they both had enough problems as is. And she was still uneasy with trusting him to begin with. The relationship still felt like newly formed eggshells underneath her feet. 

It looked like she would just keep a secret for a little while longer.

She was still debating after all.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	16. Edible Goldfish

Gyro sat down next to Gloria on the large beach towel she had placed on the sand for them. If you’re wondering, yes they did sneak back onto the island. There was no security so as long as they stayed away from the police it was chill. 

The beach was hella nice. White sand, clear waters. God, it was something Gyro thought he would never see in person. It looked just like those Atlantis resort advertisements. He decided he would ask Gloria if she wanted to go scuba diving later on, dude really wanted to study the local coral. But for now he put on some Banana Republic shades over his normal glasses and laid back, putting his arms behind his head. 

“God, this is nice. This is all I’ve wanted for months. I don’t think it was that much to ask for.” 

Gloria nodded. “Yeah, but it sucks I ran out of joints.” She looked at the town that was next to the beach. “Yo, You think they got dealers in there?”

When Gyro didn’t answer she continued.

“Meh, whatever. I’ll just find some good old rum or a margarita. That’s what people have on beaches, right?” It was an actual question but then another idea popped in her head. “OOOH! Or a root beer, but with actual beer in there, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah...can we talk about that?”

“Of course! Listen, buddy, root beer with actual beer is pretty common and we all know that beer is disgusting, add some sweet soda stuff in there and…” She did a chef’s kiss gesture. “It’s a bit harder to get drunk but I’ll buy a 6 pack. Maybe 2 packs. I’ll give you a few, maybe. Depends on how wild I’m feeling.” She stretched out, getting ready to head out and do some shopping. “It’s an American thing but they gotta have it somewhere.”

“No.” Gyro sadly came to the conclusion he needed to sit up to continue the conversation. His relaxation on the beach would have to be cut short for a few minutes. “I mean can we talk about you… getting drunk and high all the time? You never did that before and ever since the cruise you’ve just been going wild, no offense of course.” He took off his shades so she could see his eyes. She still couldn’t because the sun was reflecting off of them, making her squint, but it was the thought that counted. “I know it’s not my business but you kind of got a problem. Is something going on?” 

Gloria turned to look at him “Hey man, I’m on vacation. Sure I’m drinking and smoking a tad bit more than normal but that’s just how vacation goes right? Why? Do you think there’s something going on?”

“I mean...yeah?” Gyro realized he fucked up but he had to keep going with it. “It’s not healthy, Gloria. Does it have something to do with…” He just stopped there. Homie was gonna get his ass beat probably.

She sighed and turned to look straight ahead at the ocean. “Well, yeah? So much shit has happened not only years ago, but in the past week as well! With… Axel and his people from New York. I really thought I dodged a bullet there but no. They not only found me, but they weren’t going to hesitate on killing all of you too.” She continued “I know it’s not the best way to cope but it helps me relax and take my mind off of it for a little while. God I dunno…” She trailed off, not knowing what else to say about it. He already knows everything about her past so it’s not like it should be that much of a surprise to him.

He laid a hand on her knee. Gyro had done it time and time again, but he always got stuck when it came to comforting people, specifically Gloria. He could barely comfort himself, if it all. “Well… how about we just enjoy the beach for a while, yeah?” He was no therapist and decided that logically it would be best to distract her for now. Have her enjoy something else. “The view is nice, isn’t it?”

“What? You’re going to literally ask me if I have an alcohol and substance abuse problem and change the subject?” Her voice was getting more serious and stern, something Gyro was all too familiar with.

He retracted his hand from her knee. “I just- I read this book once about how if someone is struggling with substance abuse or suicidal thoughts, you’re supposed to distract them to get them to avoid doing said thing and then address the issue later on when they’re in a more stable mindset!” Gyro was defending himself and he was only digging him into a deeper hole in the white sand. He kept going anyway but he was starting to sweat, and not from the sun. “I wanted to bring it up but then when you actually opened up I realized I didn’t know how to deal with the situation so I turned to the book. I’m sorry, not the best idea on my half… but okay. Okay we’ll keep talking about it.” He still kept his distance from Gloria just in case her anger got the best of her. He wasn’t sure what was going through her head at the moment. “I guess I could start by asking if… you’re afraid to get help? You never brought it up in therapy so is this new? You told me everything about yourself but not about this…I’m just worried.” 

She sighed again and hugged her legs. Gloria stayed quiet for a moment before finally replying. “Well damn, now that I’m thinking about it, I’ve always been around people who would drink and smoke so I guess I thought it was the norm? I dunno. I- to be honest I didn’t even realize that I did have a problem until you just brought it up.” She paused for another moment “Shit, Gyro, is this serious or something?”

“That’s the thing… I’ve never been around people that do drink or smoke so I don’t know the norm either. I noticed it but I didn’t think much about it until it started becoming a 24/7 thing that past few days. You bring it up in every conversation… and after Ellie and I were watching you and Mark do whatever last night that’s when I just sorta realized…” He shrugged awkwardly. “It just seemed like you weren’t even aware of what was going on.” 

That last part made Gloria form tears in her eyes. She hugged herself tighter. “Shit… I- I don’t even know what to say. I seriously had no idea so thank you for pointing it out.”

Gyro wrapped an arm around her. The last thing he wanted to do was make her cry on the beach. “Hey, hey. We’ll figure something out. I promise. We could get in contact with Ms. Kris again. I know Ellie has her number.” The sound of the waves were starting to block out his lowered voice but Gloria still managed to hear him if she just strained a little bit. “I’m sorry. This is our vacation, I didn’t mean to make you upset. And I’m certainly not helping but you’re strong so I’ll know everything will work out fine once we figure out what to do.” 

She let go of her leg to wrap her arm around Gyro in return while also resting her head on his shoulder. “No you’re fine, Gyro. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but I’m glad you were able to notice it and tell me so I can do something about it.” She continued “Can you make sure that I don’t go overboard? I’ll try to be more conscious about it, too.”

“I’ve already been keeping an eye on you so don’t worry.”

“WHAT’S UP, FUCKERS!? Pew pew pew!” Mark entered the chat with Boyd and an unhappy Ellie (due to his sudden cursing in front of Boyd) behind him. “This is an instagram worthy beach except when Gyro is in the shot, amiright?” He winked at Gloria but it wasn’t noticeable underneath his Gucci sunglasses. 

Gyro groaned and let go of Gloria. “Go away, Markus.” He spat.

Mark laughed at that. “Yeahhhh, no. I mapped out the area with my handy waddle phone.” He took it out to show the two before taking a selfie. “And this spot is the best location for photos at this time of day so we’re staying whether you like it or not. If you have a problem you can move your ass.” 

Gyro was about to protest but Boyd cut him off by giving him a hug. “Hi, Dr. dad!” Then he moved over to Gloria. “Hi, Aunt Gloria!” 

That seemed to lift both of their moods and take their minds off of Mark. 

“Hey, bud! How are you doing?” Gyro nudged his shoulder. “Liking the beach?”

“Yeah! I found this sand crab and named it after you before he went running away with his family!” He smiled before inviting himself onto the blanket. “Are you guys enjoying the beach?” 

Gloria nodded “Mmhmm! Would you like to build a sand castle with me, Boyd?”

He clapped his hands. “I would love to!” Boyd stood back up and held out his hands for Gloria to help her up. Robo kids were strong so he could handle it. 

She took his hand and walked with him closer to the shore to start building their sandcastle.

As Mark was setting up an aesthetic camp to take good selfies on, Ellie walked over to Gyro. “Hello, Gyro.” She greeted. She had a sand bucket in hand filled with water if you were wondering. It had a starfish in it with 2 legs torn off. She settled on not killing it and observing its limbs grow back instead. Then she would release it on the shore of Duckburg once it healed. It took months to years to grow back apparently. She didn’t realize that until after the fact but it was fine. She would get a tank and everything. Actually, maybe she would just keep it and then re-rip its limbs off to rewatch the process. “I found a starfish and named him Patrick, based on that show Boyd likes to watch. Anyway, can you hold him? Mark does not want him in the instagram photos.” She shoved the bucket into Gyro’s arms before walking off to sit next to Mark. 

Gyro looked inside the bucket and hated what he was seeing. He gently put the bucket to the side of him in the sand. He didn’t want to know what the hell that was all about.

Meanwhile, Gloria was hella impressed by Boyd’s sandcastle building skills. Made sense since he was a robot and all but damn. She had only made a base and that dude already had two finished and very detailed sandcastles. Type of sand castles that you would see at those competitions. 

“Okay! I just finished my third-” 

Boyd couldn’t even finish his sentence before all three were knocked down, 4 if you counted Gloria’s.

“OI!” Glomgold scuttled forward, doing an angry animal crossing dance. He no longer wore a sailor moon cosplay, instead he wore Gloria’s bra and Ellie’s underwear to work as a sort of bikini. “WOT ARE YOOH DOIN ON MEH BEACH?!”

Boyd looked down in sorrow at his beloved sand castles that looked like they were crying and they melted back into the sand. “Hi… Uncle Glomgold…”

Gloria was pissed. Not at the fact that he ruined her sandcastle, but because he ruined all of Boyd’s. Plus she was certain that he was wearing her last bra. Now all of them were stained, smelly, and stretched out. “What the fuck, Glomgold?!”

“THIS IS MEH VACATION TOO YOOH KNOW! AND SINCE YOU’RE HERE I, FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, DECIDED I WILL ALLOW YOU ON MY BEACH TO HAVE FAMILY TIME!” He pumped his fists in the air and scuttled in a circle.

Boyd looked back over at Gloria, concerned. “Um…” 

She looked at Boyd before back at Glomgold again “Could you at least give me my bra back, please?”

“NO!” He kicked sand in her face. “FAMILY TIME! NOW!” He plopped down in the sand and started rolling in it. “CAN YOOH ASK ROBO-BABEH FOR GOLDFISH?!” 

Gloria wiped most of the sand off of her face before getting up and kicking sand in his face in return. “Ask her yourself, you lazy motherfucker!”

“UGH! YOU’RE ON MY SHIT LIST NOW JUST SO YA KNOW!” He spit sand into her face before cockroach crawling over to robo-babeh. “OI! ROBO-BABEH!”

Ellie, wanting to avoid murder on the beach since Boyd was there, ignored him.

Glomgold, in turn, slapped Mark’s phone away into the sand to grab Ellie’s attention. Which made no sense but that’s what he did. “I WANT MEH SOME GOLDFISH!” 

“What the FUCK, Glomgold! Ew! You touched my phone!” Mark snatched it from the ground and started blowing all the sand on it off. “UGH! You got it in the nook and crannies and EVERYTHING! I fucking hate you! I have 20 backups on the ship but not on me! Now i’m gonna have to deal with this for, like, a few hours. Duck Jesus!”

Glomgold ignored Mark. “ROBO-BABEH! GOLDFISH! NOW!”

She sighed and looked up at him, his round little body towering over her and blocked the sun. “Uncle Glomgold you ate all the goldfish already. Perhaps you should go to a local pet store and buy some live ones if you adore goldfish so much.”

In pure anger, Glomgold grabbed fistfulls of sand and shoved it into his mouth. He immediately regretted it and spat it back out, scraping his tongue off with his hands.

Ellie scooted back from the scene in disgust. “Can you please leave me be for now? I do not wish to deal with you.”

“Yeah. And I sure as hell don’t either.” Mark added. He was still looking at his phone and was now tearing up like he just lost a child. “...you bitch.”

“WOT DID YOU CALL MEH?!” Glomgold rose up in anger again and was about to shove more sand into his mouth before realizing not too. He watched the sand slip through his fingers.

“I called you a bitch.” Mark rolled his eyes. 

Glomgold fumed in anger and to get back at Mark he slapped Ellie across the face before scuttling off to Gyro. Ellie started crying.

“OI!” He plopped down next to Gyro on the blanket, ignoring Mark’s swears and death threats thrown at him. “GOT ANY GOLDFISH?!” 

Gyro did his best to ignore him. “Can you… go away?”

“WHY DOES MEH WHOLE FAMILY WANT ME TO GO AWAY!?” 

“Do you need a bulleted list or something?”

“IT’S GLADIS’ FAULT! SHE TALKS SHIT ABOUT MEH, DOESN’T SHE!? SHE GOT YOU ALL TO HATE YOUR DEAR UNCLE!” Glomgold was just spitting shit out. Maybe something he said would be right if he was lucky. “OR WAS IT THAT CHILD?! OOOOH, IMMA KICK HIS ASS!” 

“Oh you most certainly are not! Why don’t you go make yourself useful to your shark family and drown?”

“OI! THAT’S NOT VERY NICE TO SAY TO YOUR UNCLE!” He fumed once more and scuttled over to the bucket holding Patrick. He kicked it over and Patrick shriveled up immediately, cooking on the boiling hot sand. Homie was dead. 

“Ew!”

Ellie saw this and had enough. She wiped her non-existent tears before grabbing her purse and storming off on the beach in the other direction. 

Glomgold took a few steps towards her but didn’t follow. He waved his fist in the air “OI! AND JUST WHERE DO YOOH THINK YOORE GOOIN?!” When she didn’t respond Glomgold was fucking done. “YOU KNOW WHAT?! I’M DONE WITH YOOH ALL!” He spun around and pointed to the Glomsquad, except Ellie who was absent now. “I’M GONNA MAKE MEH SOME MONEY AND BUY ME OWN GOLDFISH!” 

Without another word, he cockroach crawled off toward the town at the speed of light.

Gloria watched Ellie storm off. She knew that she shouldn’t wander around alone, especially since they were not allowed to be on the island to begin with. She got up and dusted herself off. “Hey, Boyd, I’m going to hang out with your mom for a while so stay nearby Gyro till we get back, okay?”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“DO YOOH KNOW WHERE I CAN MAKE SOME MONEY FOR EDIBLE GOLDFISH?!”

The local child screamed and ran away toward her mother. 

“WOT I’D SAY?!” 

A tall beagle, not related to Ma Beagle, tapped Glomgold on the shoulder. “You said yer lookin’ for edible goldfish?”

Glomgold turne to eye the man up and down. “Yee.” He held out his hands like a spoiled toddler, thinking the stanger was just going to hand him some.

The dude ignored the toddler-like gesture. “Yer gonna wanna talk to that fella over there.” He pointed to a buff ass duck. A mallard to be specific. 

“MOVE!” Glomgold shoved the guy out of the way and waddled over to the buff duck. “OI! I’M LOOKING FOR SOME EDIBLE GOLDFISH DO YOU KN-”

“Shh! Shut the fuck up! Do you want the whole world to know that we’re here?! Look, I got the goods but first, you gotta pay upfront. What do you have to offer?” He crossed his arms.

“A hungry stomach is wot I have.” He slapped his belly. When there was no response, Glomgold threw his head back and let out a major whine. “Do I look like I have moneh in this sexy ass swimsuit!?” He gestured to his underwear. 

“You’re… wearing a bra and women’s underwear…”

“WHATEVER! JUST GIMME THE GOLDFISH!” He threw his hands out and started grabbing at the air. 

“Not until you pay up your half of the bargain! Don’t make me repeat myself, pal. You don’t know who you’re messin’ with.”

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Glomgold threw a hand out like a sassy teen girl. “I don’t have any moneh so do you take anything else? Women’s underwear?” He pointed to himself. “Or, like, a shriveled up starfish.”

The sketchy dude didn’t respond to that. “What else do you have…?”

“Hmmmm…” Glomgold rubbed his wet beard that had seaweed and beach litter poking out of it. “I got crayons and a red sharpie, erm, oh! I can draw yooh something! Do yooh like sharks? I’m not giving yooh one of meh shark babehs so don’t get the wrong idea.” 

“You’re wasting my time, bitch.” He turned around, ready to leave.

“WOT DID YOU JUST CALL MEH?!” When there was no response and the man started walking away, Glomgold became more desperate. All he wanted was some yummy goldfish. “WHAT ABOUT MEH FAMILEH!?” 

The buff duck stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around to look at Glomgold again. “Hmmmm you have a family?... That’s tradable. What kind of family members do you have? I need descriptions.”

“Assholes are what they are.” Glomgold crossed his arms. “What descriptions yooh need? I got a niece and everybody else is just… there. Oh! I got a grandson!” 

“Listen buddy, I’m not trading you my “edible goldfish” if you don’t give me a proper description of all the family members you’re willing to trade.”

“I’m willing to trade all of em.” Glomgold scuttled in a circle. “But, um. There is a nerdy chicken who I could break with meh beard.” He pointed to himself. “Mark Beaks who is an ugly ass parrot. My robo-babeh niece. Gladis who is a duck and meh robo-grandson.” 

The sketchy guy nodded. “Alright, since you gave me pretty shit descriptions you’re going to have to trade me two family members! How about…. Your robotic niece and Gladis. Deal?”

“HELL YEAH!” He shoved a photo in the dude’s hands, one he had in his bra. “Here’s a family photo if you need to see! That’s robo-babeh!” He pointed to Ellie. “And that’s Gladis.” His stubby finger moved over to Gloria. “Yooh can keep the photo because I want them all dead I say! Now gimme goldfish!” 

He held his hand out in front of Glomgold. “Nope! Not until you give me directions to the two girls. Then I’ll give you the goods.”

Glomgold pointed toward the sandy beach. “I dunno,” He shrugged. “Somewhere on sand.”

The buff duck guy made a very sinister smile. “Take me to them.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Yo, Ellie! Wait up!” Gloria ran up behind Ellie to catch up. “God, you walk fast…”

Ellie flinched before turning around. When she realized who it was she sighed. “Oh, hello. A part of me hoped Mark would follow but I should know better than to expect that.” She realized that sounded rude toward Gloria and smiled at her to correct her mistake. “But, um, thank you for running after me. That was kind of you. However, I walk at a common pace so you are just slow.” 

She nodded. “I guess so… so where are you going?”

Ellie shrugged. “Nowhere in particular. I just needed to get away from my Uncle for a bit and wait for my anger to diminish.” 

“God I know he’s the worst! I am still trying to figure out how he survived all of the times we tried to kill him. I am still voting for us just ditching him on this island.”

“That seems like the next best option; though if he manages to get on the cruise again I plan on ripping him limb from limb. I came up with that idea at the party last night.” 

“Good plan! I don’t see how he would survive that one.”

“Was he still present when you left?” Ellie figured he was but wanted to clarify anyway. She needed to know if she should head back or not.

“Nah he stormed off too. He said he was going to try to make some money so he could buy his own goldfish or whatever.”

Ellie smiled in relief. “Oh thank goodness. I hope he gets lost and does not return.” She laughed. “I suppose I should head back. I walked a good amount of time so I do not know how you did not catch up sooner. I apologize for the long walk back in advance since you have just arrived.” 

“Hey it’s cool! I’m honestly just vibing right now and as long as Glomgold isn’t around, it’s fine.”

Ellie nodded and as she turned around she practically bumped into a very buff Mallard. She let out a small shriek before looking up. “Oh, I apologize. You were in my designated path.” 

Glomgold scuttled from behind the buff dude and rubbed his hands like a fly. “Finally… I will get meh Goldfish! MUAHAHAHA!”

“Uncle Glomgold, I do not know what you are scheming but I do not care. So do as you will.” 

He shrugged “FINE! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOOH HAVE TO SAY ANYMORE ROBO-BABEH BECAUSE I JUST SOLD YOU!” He pointed in between Ellie and Gloria and laughed.

Ellie scrunched up her face. “Pardon?” 

“YOOH HEARD MEH! NOW TAKE THEM AWAY, SKETCHY STRANGER I JUST MET!” He made a “shoo” gesture while stepping aside.

Ellie put two and two together. “Absolutely not.” She grabbed Gloria’s hand and yeeted down the beach. But Ellie was right in her assumption. Gloria was slow as hell. She turned around to look at her. “Is it possible for you to pick up the pace?” 

“This is the fastest I can run!”

“In that case we are indeed-” Ellie tumbled straight into the sand, accidentally dragging Gloria down with her. She sat up, wiping sand from her eyes before she flinched from the horrid pain that bolted from her leg. She looked down to see a bullet hole that went straight through the metal. It was like a window now, being able to see through the other side. She’d be fine but Gloria on the other hand… “G-Gloria!? Are you okay?!”

Gloria, with her head still buried in the sand, made a “surfs up” gesture. She didn’t even bother to move, she just kind of laid there.

Ellie sighed in relief. A bullet thankfully hadn’t hit Gloria. But the relief was short-lived when she saw the mallard approaching. She tapped Gloria’s shoulder to grab her attention. Also letting her know they were lowkey fucked. 

The buff guy cocked his gun and pointed it at the two of them “I paid good money for you two, don’t make me shoot you. Now get up!”

Ellie looked over at Glomgold who was dancing in the background. “UNCLE GLOMGOLD!? WHAT ON EARTH IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” She was having none of this shit. This would be, like, the 5th time being kidnapped. Probably above that actually. 

“THAT’S WOT YOOH GET FOR NOT BUYING MEH GOLDFISH!” Glomgold laughed and twerked in their direction before scattering back to the beach where Mark, Boyd, and Gyro were still hanging out.

Ellie scanned the dude in front of her. “...Oh… you are not a very large threat.” This man was strong but she could tell, based on obvious body language, that there was a low risk of being killed if they complied. She shrugged. “Okay. We will go with you.” 

He ignored that first part and put away his gun “Well that was easy.” He muttered to himself.

Gloria just gave a thumbs up, but her face was still in the sand.

Ellie on the other hand held out her arm. “Can you help me up because you shot me through the leg, which was rather rude by the way. And it is painful.” 

“Oh shit, yeah my bad.” He held out his hand to help Ellie up. “I gotta few buddies who repair cars and boats. Maybe they can take a look at yer leg.”

“That is very kind of you.” Ellie looked down at Gloria. “Gloria, it is okay to get up. He is of no danger if we follow him. His aggression level will remain low if we cooperate.” 

Gloria finally got up. She brushed off the sand on her face and yawned “Man I could’ve taken a nap just now.” She looked up at the mallard guy “Sooooo… Glomgold sold us?”

“Well it was more of a trade but yes. He wanted Edible Goldfish.”

“He wanted WHAT?! Why would he want that? Man that shit stays in your system for a long time!” Gloria held her hand to her forehead. 

He shrugged “Dunno. I didn’t ask what he wanted with it.”

Ellie looked up in her data what that was. Apparently it was a local slang for cocaine. She scoffed. “He sold us for drugs?” 

Gloria finally put two and two together. “Ooooooooohhhh You know what he did, Ellie, was that he must’ve thought Edible Goldfish meant just regular Goldfish, not orange tinted cocaine! God what an idiot.” She smiled “I’m actually kind of flattered I’m worth the cost of Edible Goldfish though!”

“I apologize for the misunderstanding, sir.” Ellie said. “My Uncle is an idiot. Nonetheless, what do you want us for?” 

He shrugged. “I’m not sure, I didn’t think I’d get this far.”

“First drug exchange, pal?”

“...yeah.”

“Don’t worry! The first few are always dumb! You’ll get the hang of it eventually! I could show you the ropes if you want.”

He looked her up and down. “You used to deal drugs?” 

“Yep! I’ve bought and sold drugs that you’ve never even heard of, buddy. That’s the New York way of doin’ things!”

If cartoon light bulbs were a thing in this universe, one would have gone off over Ellie’s head. “So you are in a black market drug business, correct?” She didn’t expect an answer so she kept rolling. “Well, Gloria is an expert on dealing and I know everything about chemistry. So, if you want, we could speak to your boss and perhaps work something out. I’m sure we could help your business make good profit and in turn be released. I have a child I need to get back to.” She pointed her thumb in the opposite direction.

He beamed “Oh wow, would you guys really help me out like that?!”

Ellie nodded. “I do not mind. It would be a lovely new experience for me and would take my mind off of my personal troubles.” 

“Well alright then! If you guys can help me make $600,000 in 24 hours, you can leave!”

“Yo! That’s when the cruise leaves so perfect timing!” Gloria pumped one of her fists in the air. “Hell yeah! Let’s do this thing!” 

“Cool! The name’s Dwight by the way!”

Gloria laughed “Like from The Off-”

“NO! NOT LIKE FROM THE OFFICE! WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY THAT?! GOD!”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	17. Jimmy Buffett

Boyd finished touching up his last sand castle, that was unbelievably detailed, before turning to both Mark and Gyro. “Mom and Aunt Gloria have been gone for awhile…” He wasn’t talking to either of them in particular, just speaking his thoughts out loud was all. “It’s been an hour. I’m worried.” 

Gyro was already a tad concerned, but Boyd’s comment just made his anxiety grow. “I’ll shoot Gloria and your mom another text, okay? I’m sure they’re fine. They’re together after all. I bet they’re probably just having “girl time” or something similar.” Homie had his doubts but he knew he was overreacting. They were on a caribbean island for Duck Jesus’ sake. The worst thing that could’ve happened is that they got caught by the cops and were sent back to the cruise ship. 

Boyd seemed pretty content with that answer and went back to playing in the sand, though still a little weary. 

“Ugh well they need to hurry back so I can take couple shots with Ellie before the sun changes all of my lighting!” Mark heard Gyro saying that he was going to text but he went ahead and already started texting Ellie as well. When she didn’t respond in 15 seconds, which she normally did, he decided on calling her. He held his phone to his ear, with his other hand resting on his hip. He looked just like his mother.

Ellie didn’t answer her phone which made Mark scoff again. “Did they say where they were going? Cause like… it’s an island? Where can you go? Wouldn’t you just like, I dunno, walk around in a circle?” Mark rotated his wrist in a circular motion to emphasize his point.

Gyro was about to lecture him on how someone couldn’t walk around an entire island within an hour when Glomgold scuttled into the scene, knocking over all of Boyd’s sandcastles.

Boyd knew better than to cry so he huffed before walking over to sit on the blanket next to Gyro.

“OI!” Glomgold pulled out a bag of orange looking powder from his underwear. “I DON’T NEED YOOH, BITCHES! I GOT MEH OWN GOLDFISH WITHOUT YOUR HELP SO HAH!” Glomgold shook his baggie in front of everyone’s faces.

Not being close enough to get a good view of the “goldfish”, Gyro just assumed it was all crushed up from being so close to Glomgold’s ass, rubbing against it as he ran. “Good for you. We’re all so proud.” 

Glomgold sat on top of a large pile of sand that was once Boyd’s sandcastle and opened up the baggie. He went to go sniff his “goldfish” only to make a scottish grunt in disgust. “WOT IS THIS SHIT?! DISGUSTANG!”

Boyd covered his ears from the sudden, high pitched squeal. “I-I can go get some more goldfish on the cruise. They have a small snack store where-”

Gyro held out a hand to stop Boyd. “That was nice of you to offer, Boyd. But Glomgold needs to realize that we can’t do everything for him!” He stood up like that would make a point. It didn’t. “Glomgold, you were the one who found goldfish from God knows where so deal with it. We’re on a carribean island, of course it’s not going to be like the American brand. Goodness. Think for once.” 

“OI! NOT MY FAULT IT SMELLS LIKE GAS AND SHITTY SALT!” 

“What?” Gyro grabbed the bag from him.

“GIMME!” 

Glomgold reached out his hands to get the bag back but Gyro pushed him away without much effort. Why he was throwing such a fit over goldfish he didn’t want was stupid to begin with. 

“Did you get the goldfish in a clear plastic bag?”

“WHY DO YOOH CARE?!” 

Gyro rolled his eyes before shoving the bag back into Glomgold’s hands. “You’re an idiot. I know poison can’t kill you so I guess it isn’t that much of a concern.” He plopped back down on the blanket, secretly hoping that if the shredded goldfish was poisoned, it was heavily drugged. 

Mark saw that there was commotion so of course he made his way over to see what was going on. “What’s up with the cocaine?” He said nonchalantly. 

“GET AWAY!” Glomgold put his feet up and rolled on his back, attempting to kick Mark away. It ended up just looking like he was begging for a diaper change, or a cockroach dying. “IT’S EDIBLE GOLDFISH!”

Mark’s eyes widen “Edib- dude… that’s cocaine! Holy shit!” He laughed “Someone just sold you cocaine that’s hilarious!”

“FUCK YOOH!” Glomgold shoved the bag in his mouth, swallowing the entire thing whole. Yes. He ate all the cocaine. And plastic.

“Wait wait wait…” Gyro waved his hands in confusion. “How were you able to afford buying orange tinted cocaine?! You’re broke!”

Mark shoved his hands in his jacket “Yeah… that stuff isn’t cheap either. Which is why I see it all the time at the raves I go to. Because, you know… I’m rich.”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” Glomgold coughed but nothing came up. Just so you know, the cocaine he swallowed was a large dose… a very large one. Aka he overdosed. We all know homie isn’t going to die so it doesn’t matter. “The lovely man was kind enough to trade! Guess I’m just that lucky!” 

Mark took out his phone again to see if Ellie had responded. She didn’t. “Trade what? You literally don’t have shoes on! What would you have that your drug dealer wanted?”

“Oh…” Glomgold actually forgot so he had to rub his beard to think. It took a minute but he finally remembered. “OH! FAMILEH MEMBERS! I gave him robo-babeh and Gladis.” 

Mark looked up from his phone “Wait wait I’m sorry. You did WHAT?!”

“He wanted famileh members so I gave him Robo-babeh and Gladis. He shot robo-babeh in the leg and they both fell. It was pretty funneh! And then I ran here! MUAHAHAHAHA!”

“EXCUSE ME?!” Gyro shot up from the blanket. “YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING!” 

“Mmmmmm… no.” 

Boyd looked up at both Mark and Gyro for an answer “I don’t understand. So mom and Aunt Gloria are just gone?! We are going to find them, right?!”

Gyro almost shit his pants. There was no way he was going to let Boyd freak out. He had to form some sort of lie or just reassurance in general. “Ummmm… they aren’t gone gone, they’re just on the island with some strangers. Like a… nonconsensual playdate. So we just have to find them and pick them up!” 

“HA! GOOD LUCK TRYING TO DO THAT, DR. FUCKFACE! THE GUY WHO GAVE ME THE DUMB GOLDFISH WAS BUFF! NOT AS BUFF AS MEH THOUGH!” Glomgold flexed.

“God…” Gyro ran his hands down his face. “Okay, Boyd. We’re just going to head out and explore the island before, uh, picking your mom and Aunt Gloria up from their playdate…” Boyd was probably not that dumb, but took his luck. The kid was innocent after all. 

“Okay well, why you guys do that, I’m going to find them the smart way by using Snapchat’s GPS! Bah-Boom!” Mark went on snapchat only to realize that Ellie didn’t have a snapchat. “Oh nevermind… okay let’s go with your plan.”

Gyro ignored Mark’s idiocy as per usual. “Glomgold, do you know where they are?” He kept his tone calm for the sake of Boyd.

“HOW THE HELL WOULD I KNOW, DR. FUCKFACE?! HE SHOT ROBO-BEBEH REMEMBER?! THEY’RE PROBABLY DEAD FOR ALL I CARE!”

Boyd started crying. “THEY’RE DEAD?!!!”

“NO NO NO!” Gyro hugged Boyd. “You know your uncle is prone to lying! He’s more of an idiot than Mark, okay? He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

Mark put his hand to his chest. “Um, wow, okay. I’m standing right here!”

“SUIT YOURSELVES! I’M GONNA GO FIGHT WITH MEH NEW GIRLFRIEND!” Glomgold was referring to Ma Beagle. Yes they were still dating. And yes he meant literal fighting not sex. “BYE BITCHES!” He got on all fours and scuttered off. Kicking some sand behind him like a dog. Some sand fell out from his underwear too. He took a sip of the ocean water before scuttling off where the trio couldn’t see him anymore.

“God, okay…” Gyro took a deep breath before turning to Mark. He couldn’t believe he was doing this, but he was relying on this man. “So, maybe you know more about illegal products than I do. Do you have any idea where to find them so we can get some sort of idea of where they are? Maybe talk to a guy?” 

“Ooooooohhhh yeahhhh, you’re not gonna like the answer, chief. See, Edible Goldfish is code for orange tinted cocaine and that stuff is, like, super rare and super expensive. The only place where Glomgold could’ve easily have gotten his hands on some would’ve been through the black market…”

“That didn’t answer my question!” Gyro stomped one of his clown feet. “It has to do with the black market. So what? Where do we find someone who works for the black market if not online? That’s what I’m asking!” 

Mark shrugged “They blend in with the crowd. We’ll just have to ask a lot of people for some Edible Goldfish I guess. Though, I’m not sure how we would get them back. We don’t have anything to trade or sell.”

A scheme came to mind. “Better plan…” Gyro started. “How about I find someone on the black market and trade you. I get a snapchat, add you, and we’ll be able to find your location. Who wouldn’t want to trade Edible Goldfish for a billionaire?” 

Mark crossed his arms “Ummmm, I don’t want to be bait! I would say let’s use you but no one wants you soooo…”

“Are you in or what?! You’re wasting my time!” 

He threw his head back and groaned “Ugh! Fine! We’ll go with your stupid plan! But I’m totes suing you if this backfires!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“NO!” Ellie punched a hole through the blackboard and all the gang members, who were sitting on the floor, jumped back. Except Gloria, she was used to Ellie by now. “YOU SOAK THE COCA LEAVES IN GASOLINE FOR 8 HOURS, 27 MINUTES, AND .00045 SECONDS! YOU HAVE BEEN SOAKING THEM FOR 8 HOURS, 26 MINUTES, AND .017 SECONDS! YOU ARE GIVING YOUR CLIENTS VERY POOR QUALITY DRUGS SO YOU EITHER LOWER YOUR PRICES BY A TON OR AMP UP THE QUALITY! I AM SURPRISED A CLIENT HAS NOT SENT AN ASSASSIN AFTER ONE OF YOU FOR THIS! THIS IS DISGUSTING!” 

All of the members of the black market were sitting criss cross applesauce, scribbling all of the notes Ellie was giving them in their notepads. Some nodded along, though her yelling at them started to hurt their feelings. One member raised his hand.

“Yes, Mr. Stonecrusher?” 

“Uh yeah, so what do you do if the person you’re giving the drugs to is kind of mean? Do you close the deal or do you ask for an apology?” This member kind of sounded like a mixture of Popeye and that one buff fish from the Salty Splatoon from Spongebob.

Ellie smiled. “That is a very good question!” She turned around and started drawing on the board, it wasn’t clear what it was yet. “You are all a part of the black market and your clients need to treat you with the utmost respect. None of you are to be reckoned with so if they so much as do not say sir, you kill them to send a message.” She finished the drawing and it was a very detailed portrait of a man’s organs being ripped out. 

A few members said “ooooooohhhhh” in unison as they started taking more notes.

The same member from before raised his hand again. “What’s the best way of killing them, Miss Ellie?”

“I think that is a great question for Gloria. I recently discovered she has had previous gang experience much to my surprise.” Ellie pointed to her. 

Gloria hopped off the table she was sitting on and walked next to Ellie in front of the board. She cracked her knuckles. “Okay so here’s what you fellas wanna do…” Gloria went into a long and graphic explanation on how to properly kill a man. Some of the members began to cry.

“...so yeah just remember to always crush the knees and steal anything from their pockets and you’ll be golden! Any questions?”

“I have a question.” Ellie raised her hand. “But it is for the class. I am aware this is the black market but do you all have some sort of symbol for your gang or anything?” 

The members looked at one another before they all shook their heads.

“What kind of symbol would be good to use?” A random member asked.

Ellie nearly ripped out her hair. “ANYTHING! YOU ALL ARE IDIOTS! HOW IS SOMEONE SUPPOSED TO KNOW TO TREAT YOUR GANG WITH RESPECT IF THEY DO NOT KNOW YOU ARE THE ONES WHO KILLED SAID DISRESPECTFUL PERSON! YOU NEED TO LEAVE A SYMBOL ON THE BODY! SO I HOPE SOMEONE IS AN ARTIST IN THE ROOM!” 

More members said “oooooooohhhhhhh” again.

“So we need to choose our favorite color, right?! I vote for a sky blue!”

“No, Mr. Razorskull. I am speaking of a symbol you carve into their forehead.”

“Oh! Oh! How about a ‘B’! ‘B’ for black market!”

Some of the members clapped and nodded to one another. They all loved that idea.

“That is very dull-witted but whatever makes you all happy. B it is.” Ellie wrote that on the board. She turned to Gloria. “I cannot believe we were sold to these idiots.” She whispered. “I am insulted. My IQ is unimaginably beyond theirs. As well as yours which is very impressive.” 

Gloria chose to ignore that last part. She knew that she chugs dumb bitch juice. “Yeah I know what you mean, but hey, it could’ve been a whole lot worse! We could’ve been tortured, killed, bird trafficked, the list goes on and on. Teaching them Black Market 101 is pretty fun!”

“I suppose you are right. I do want to become a kindergarten teacher so this is lovely practice. I highly doubt the current education system mentions anything about cocaine which is rather sad. Chemistry is very interesting.” Ellie turned around. “Are there any last questions before you are all released? Or shall I send you off to finish up the next batch and continue selling?”

The members looked at each other before turning their attention back to Ellie “Nah I think we’re all good! Thanks, Miss Ellie!”

“Thank you, Miss Ellie!” They all said in unison. 

“You are very welcome. Now you are all dismissed so get out of my sight.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Hey, ugh…” Gyro leaned against the bar table, slowly pushing down his glasses. “You know where I can get some Edible Goldfish buddy?” He winked. 

Boyd peaked over. “Yes! We are both very hungry!” He winked as well. 

The bartender, who was doing the stereotypical cleaning a clean glass with a cloth, gestured to a couple of shady looking people sitting in the corner of the bar. “Talk to those guys but be careful, once you deal with them, you can’t leave.”

“...w-what’s that supposed to mean?” Gyro gulped. 

“I mean you’ll be on their radar. You think they just hand you drugs and never try to cross you again? They know who has the money and if they’re desperate, they won’t hesitate to kill for a few more bucks.”

“O-okay um-”

“Thanks, sir!” Boyd grabbed Gyro’s hand and led him away. “It’ll be okay, Dr. Dad! It’s just like you said! A game!” 

“Y-yeah, about that…” He scratched the back of his head. “I mean, yes, it’s just an adult game so, um, just don’t say anything okay?” 

Mark was watching from a distance, sitting outside the bar, enjoying his last Margarita before getting kidnapped. He had a wardrobe change to make him seem more “desirable”. He was rocking a crop top and booty shorts to show off his curves. Every once in a while he would “accidentally” drop his phone so he could bend down for the black market members to see through the window. This wasn’t Mark’s first rodeo.

Boyd noticed from the side of his eye and was rather confused, but ignored it as he followed Gyro.

“H-hey guys!” Gyro did stupid finger guns, yes, like Mark did because it seemed to work for him. “I-I’m looking for some Edible Goldfish… so…” 

The first member glared at Gyro before stabbing his dagger into the wooden table. “Scram, twerp! You don’t know what you’re asking for…”

Gyro straightened his posture and puffed out his chest. “N-no! I won’t “scram”! I know what I’m asking for and- and I want the goods!” 

The three black market members all exchanged glances at each other before turning their attention back to Gyro. The same member spoke up again “Alright but it won’t be cheap. Whatdda have?”

“N-no money…” He put out his hands to let them know he was continuing. “BUT!” He pointed his thumb over at Mark. Mark noticed and dropped his phone before slowly picking it back up as he uncrossed his legs. “You see that guy over there?” 

The three members all looked out the window. One member muttered under his breath and bit his bottom lip. “Damn, he’s gonna make me act up…” 

They looked back at Gyro. The first member, however, was not totally convinced. “What’s his deal?”

“Well, that is Mark Beaks. THE Mark Beaks. Youngest billionaire in the world.” Gyro held his phone to show them all Mark’s Instagram which had millions of followers and a verified check. “See?” 

One member gasped but the first member still wasn’t on board. “What’s his blood type and hip measurements?”

“Ummmm…”

Boyd actually piped up. “My dad’s O Positive and his hip measurements are 28 inches!” 

The member who bit his lip spoke again “Damn! A 28 inch with all that cake! Fuck…” 

The first gang member held his hand out to silence him. “Alright enough!” He continued “Okay, we’ll take him. Follow me and we’ll get you your goods.” They all stood up from their table, with the black market member ripping his dagger out of the table again.

Gyro gulped and followed. He lowkey thought he might’ve gotten Mark a new boyfriend… (Black Market Member x Mark Beaks. The true OTP. Falcon Graves X Mark Beaks shippers do not interact!)

They all exited the bar and the Black Market member, the one that was thirsty for Mark, approached him. “Hey, babe. You’re gonna be comin’ with us.” 

Mark was very, very scared but he managed a giggle to help seal the deal. He slapped the members chest playfully “You tease!”

The not so thirsty member, the leader of the group, stepped forward. “I hope you’re okay taggin’ along because we’re gonna have a problem otherwise…” He started picking his teeth with his dagger to show off the thick ass blade. 

Mark glanced at Gyro and Boyd before looking back at the first member “Nope! No problem at all.”

“Alright, pal!” The thirsty man wrapped an arm around Mark. “You and me are gonna have some fun soon!” He winked. 

Mark’s eyes widened and gulped.

Gyro piped up again. “Alright you got your Mark, now… the Edible Goldfish?”  
The gang member, the one that didn’t speak at all, threw a large bag at him. “You get a big portion for this trade. Don’t expect the same next time. We’ll be seeing you.” They waved him off before heading down an old alleyway. 

Gyro looked down at Boyd. “We’ll, uh, pick up your dad later.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Most of the black market members were pretty much useless and they still had to make some money if they wanted to leave so Gloria and Ellie were walking around the island together to find some clients.

“Alright… we need 600,000 dollars and the gang members have only made 55,000 in the past 2 hours like the imbeciles they are. We only have 16 to work with.” Ellie stated. 

“You’re right. We’ll have to find some rich old guy… but who is someone that is old, rich, and loves the tropical aesthetic?”

“Hmmm…” Ellie tapped her chin. “Well, we could find Mark. He is a billionaire so we could see the drugs to him. I left my money on the ship so it’s too late to get it…” 

Gloria nodded “Yeah that could work.”

The two were interrupted when an older Floridan Parrot came strolling along. He was singing Margarettaville, a tune Ellie knew all too well thanks to her now dead ex-boyfriend, Drew.

Needless to say, she ran up to him. “Are you Jimmy Buffett?!” 

The parrot turned around and smiled. “Why, yes I am! Pleasure to meet some lovely young fans!”

“Oh, I am not a fan. I find your music rather untasteful. I enjoy Beethoven.” Ellie’s face remained deadpanned. “Do you want some Edible Goldfish? The chances of you being addicted to drugs due to your fame is rather high.” 

Jimmy Buffett smiled “That sounds great! Thank you, ma’am.” He pulled out his Tourist-styled Florida wallet and pulled out a couple thousands. “Would this cover it?”

“Oh no. We need 545,000 in order to free us from being held captive.”

“Hmmm… well how about I throw in another 100,000 and a song! I can sing you girls my famous song, Margaritaville!”

Ellie didn’t really know how dealing worked so she kept going. “No. 545,000 or I kill you and carve a B into your forehead.” 

Gloria was actually a fan of Jimmy Buffett and she’d be damned if she let Ellie murder him. She got in between the two of them. “Alright, thank you Ellie but that won’t be necessary…” She looked at Jimmy Buffett “Look Mr. Buffett, I’ve been a lifelong fan and it would mean a lot if you could help us get the money we need to escape. I know 545K is a lot to ask for so how about we settle on 300K and I’ll throw in some good ol’ fashion Bob Marley weed?”

“Hmmm… how much Edible Goldfish and Weed will that get me? I am getting pretty low and want to keep a large stash on the cruise.” 

Gloria winked. “2,913 grams. So do we have a deal, Mr. Buffett?” 

“Absolutely!” He scribbled down all of that on his check and handed it over. “Now where do I get all those grams?” 

Gloria pulled out all of the drugs he needed from her bag. “Right here!” She handed him the goods.

“Thanks! Would you two like an autograph while I’m here?”

“Absolutely not.” 

“I would! Could you sign my shirt?!” Gloria pulled out a sharpie from her bag as well.

Jimmy Buffett took the sharpie “Sure thing!”

See, a normal person would’ve kept their shirt on for this but Gloria was… Gloria. She instead took off her shirt and handed it to him to sign.

Mr. Buffett was very confused but he didn’t question it. He scribbled “Gloria, keep your clothes on. Love, Jimmy Buffett” on her shirt before handing it back to her.

“Thanks!” Gloria put her shirt back on.

“Well…” Ellie didn’t really know what to say after that. “We hopefully will not see you on the cruise.”

“If you do, I’ll happily sing Margaritaville for you lovely ladies! I’ll be playing at the cheapest bar on the ship. You know the one. Every Tuesday at 5.”

“For you, Jimmy, I’ll be there!”

Glomgold scuttled up from behind and slapped Jimmy Buffet to get his attention. “CAN YOU SIGN MEH BRA?!”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	18. The Black Market Escape and Rom Com

The thirsty black market gang member, who’s name was Blade, led Mark into the HQ. Ya know, the one where all the cocaine and other drugs were being made. From what Mark could tell, it looked like an old and abandoned Prison from the 1800s or some shit. 

Now, Blade was a buff ass man who could handle himself, so the two other gang members that were with him left and let Blade to be in charge of what they would do with Mark. Obviously they would get his money but Blade was trying to figure out if he’d be any use around the HQ, or if Mark would just end up being his side bitch. His actual boyfriend, Stonecrusher, was totally cool with Blade getting a side hoe so that wouldn’t be an issue. 

Blade walked around the HQ, showing Mark around. His large arm was wrapped around him to prevent Mark from running away.

“Okay, so here’s the lay down.” Blade threw his hand out like a sassy white girl to grab Mark’s attention, not that he didn’t already have. “So this is where we make the cocaine and stuff and I think I’ll force you to do some hard labor around here. ALSO you're definitely gonna have to give up your money and company to us or I will brutally torture you. ALSO you’re my side hoe. Any questions?” 

Mark gulped and shook his head. 

“Kay, cool. The name’s Blade by the way.” He stopped for a second, tapping his crusty chin with his free hand. “Ya know what? The two newbies have a class going on about how to make the BEST cocaine, so let’s go there. You gotta learn somehow. You should also know they’re pretty fucking mean. They made me cry a few hours ago so…”

That made Mark even more nervous. Whoever these mean cocaine teachers were, they were people Mark didn’t want to associate with. He could only pray to Duck Jesus that Gyro would hurry up and get him out of here! But, knowing Gyro, he was probably going to take his sweet time rescuing him personally. Ellie and Gloria not so much.

Blade opened a door that had blood stains on it, for Mark like the gentlemen he was. He had to treat his new side hoe nicely. He nudged his head for Mark to hurry the hell up and enter the “classroom”.

Antsy, he tiptoed his ass in there. A lot of gang members were on the floor, scribbling down notes. 

“-FOR THE LAST TIME, THE BEST SOLVENT TO USE IS TURPENTINE, NOT CHLOROFORM. I DO NOT CARE HOW MUCH MORE EXPENSIVE IT IS! DO YOU WANT TO MAKE GOOD PROFITS OR NOT?” Ellie screamed. “JIMMY BUFFETT WAS PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH GLORIA AND I’S CONCOCTION, BUT I DID NOT SEE HIM ASKING FOR YOUR COCAINE! TELL ME I AM WRONG!” 

The poor gang member who was getting yelled at had tears streaming down his cheeks. He repeatedly nodded his head in agreement. What was more embarrassing was that his other gang buddies were sitting on the floor watching the whole thing go down.

“THE WHOLE TIME YOU HAVE BEEN WORKING HERE YOU HAVE ONLY MADE $120,000! WE MADE MORE THAN THAT IN 5 MINUTES!” She gestured between her and Gloria. “YOU ARE PATHETIC! GO SIT BACK DOWN AND DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND UNLESS YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A GOOD QUESTION!” 

The gang member stared at the floor in shame. “Yes, Miss Ellie… Sorry, Miss Ellie…”

Mark recognized the voice but he denied it until he turned the corner to see both Ellie and Gloria standing at the head of the very sketchy and unsanitary classroom that was taking place in an old solitary cell. It was pretty small and all the gang members were crammed together. 

“Miss Ellie, Miss Gloria, sorry to interrupt but I brought in a new student!” Blade shoved Mark forward, almost knocking him onto the ground face first. “He’s my side hoe and I named him ‘Blade’s Hoe’.” How creative. “I think it has a pretty good ring to it. Anyway, why don’t you introduce yourself to the teachers and the class, Blade’s hoe!” 

The gang members all turned around to look at the new student and said “Hiiiiiiii, Blade’s Hoeeeeeee” as if they were in an AA meeting.

“...Mark?”

The classroom gasped.

One innocent gang member who was just finishing up his notes looked up at Ellie. “Ummm, Miss Ellie, I believe his name is Blade’s Hoe.”

Ellie stayed silent before turning to the class. “Everyone take 5, Gloria and I must speak with ‘Blade’s Hoe’.” 

Everyone turned to look at eachother while getting up. There were a few “oooooooooo”s as they were all leaving, like when a child hears that a student is being sent to the principal’s office.

Once the “classroom” was emptied, Mark smiled at the two of them “Yo! That was easy to find you guys! Looooook, big plan here, all my idea, but we are leaving, like, soon!”

Ellie ignored that because, honestly, Gloria and her had this shit in the bag. But the rescue gesture was nice anyway. Instead she ran up to give Mark a hug. “How did you end up here?” 

Mark hugged her back. “Oh! Yeah! Get this! Gyro fucking sold me for Edible Goldfish so yeahhhh he’s the worst.”

“Wasn’t that part of your plan though?” Gloria crossed her arms. She’s with Ellie on this one. They were thriving at the black market!

“I appreciate the rescue mission gesture, Mark. That was very sweet of you.” Ellie said. “But there is no need to worry. Gloria and I just need to make 50,000 more American dollars in the next 12 hours and we are free to go. We already made $550,000.” 

“Oh… that kind of would’ve been good to know before I wore… this.” Mark gestured to his very whorish outfit.

Ellie clasped her hands together. “Why? I like it!” 

“Hey, if you don’t want the booty shorts anymore, give them to me!” Gloria already had a plan to write “Communist Slut” with Sharpie on the back of the shorts; straight on the ass.

Mark shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you can have ‘em. I have 3 other pairs with me as back up.” 

“Why do you- nevermind.” Ellie deemed that a question for later. “Is Gyro on his way or should Gloria and I continue our sales? You can tag along if you would like!” 

Blade knocked on the door before entering without permission. “Uh… Miss Ellie? Can I have my side hoe back?”

“BACK THE FUCK UP, MR. BLADE! GET OUT!” 

He held his hands up and walked out the room backwards. “Kay no prob, Miss Ellie! Later!”

She turned back to Mark. “Anyway, shall you answer my question?” 

“Well yeah he’s coming! Not sure when but probably soon!” Mark took out his phone and opened up snapchat to show them. “He’s going to find us using the Snapchat tracker.”

“Wait… he is not bringing Boyd along, is he?” 

Mark was silent for a moment. He thought it was obvious. “...Where else was Boyd supposed to goooooo…?”

“...at one of the child activities on the cruise…” 

“Okay but in my defense you guys were literally kidnapped by the black market soooooo…”

Ellie sighed. Boyd was put in dangerous situations every other day so it was to be expected. Whether she was there to protect him or not. “You and Gyro owe him a movie night. I do not care if neither of you like Frozen and Pinnochio. You will watch both with him.” 

Mark shrugged “Yeah sure that would be fun soooooooo...:” He decided to change the subject “So like, you’re teaching these guys… to make cocaine? You guys aren’t in any danger at all? Wack.”

Gloria laughed “These idiots are fucking clueless on how to make proper cocaine! We figured that since we’re here, we may as well show them the ropes so they can be a better black market gang! Plus, we got to meet Jimmy Buffett!” Gloria pulled the bottom of the shirt out to emphasize where Jimmy Buffett just signed.

“Although I find his music distasteful, I do not despise him. He did give us 300,000 dollars for our high quality cocaine.” Ellie noticed Mark’s somewhat sad expression. Homie just got kidnapped for nothing. She laid a hand on his shoulder. “But, like I said, it is much appreciated that you came. I am very happy you were kidnapped and made a side hoe just for Gloria and I.” 

He shivered, remembering that he was a side hoe. “At least one of us is. God.”

The door opened and in ran a frantic Gyro with Boyd following close behind. “ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?!” He had to lean over to catch his breath. They got in pretty easily. Apparently the black market gang didn’t have high security. All you had to do was tell them you were there to do a health check or something of the sort. 

Gloria was the first to greet him “Hey! About time you showed up!” She joked.

Boyd ran up to give his mom a hug and then Aunt Gloria. “I’m happy to see you again! Did you enjoy your adult game?”

Ellie’s loving look turned to one of confusion. “What do you mean-”

“YEP!” Gyro patted Boyd’s shoulder and made heavy eye contact with both Gloria and Ellie. “LOOK AT THE SMILES ON THEIR FACES, BOYD! THEY HAD A FANTASTIC TIME!” 

“Wait, we actually were having a fantastic time! I just told Mark this but we met the Jimmy Buffett and made LOADS of cash selling cocaine!”

Mark turned to Gyro with a somewhat annoyed look. “Yeah, they aren’t in any danger so we flipped for nothing. And I got made a side hoe for nothing.” He slapped the side of his hips. “My outfit isn’t that bad I guess. I can probably take some Instagram photos with this fit.” 

Gyro shook his head and held a finger out to gesture for Mark to shut up. “Whatever, can we just leave already and head back to the ship?”

“But Gloria and I still have to sell 50,000 dollars of cocaine.” Ellie pointed out. “We made a deal with the gang members.” 

“Or…. we could just ditch these guys and run with our Jimmy Buffet money?”

Ellie thought for a moment and shook her head. “No. These men are very kind. I am sure if we just have a nice chat with the boss we are free to leave. We did make their cocaine a much higher quality so the money they will make over time will be way more than a mere 50,000 dollars.” 

Gloria shrugged. “Aight. Whatever you say.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Yep. Just as Ellie had said, they were free to leave (Including Mark). The quality of the cocaine went up by 27.98% and the profits they would make would be unbelievable. 

They boarded the ship with 10 hours to spare before the boat cruise headed to another island. And, to make the situation better, they never got caught by the cops for trespassing after being banned. AND Glomgold was nowhere in sight. Things were going fucking great. 

Mark went back to the room to give Gloria her desired pair of booty shorts before he changed back to his normal Hawaii shirt and cardigan. He got a good amount of hot instagram photos before changing. Man. The fangirls were gonna FREAK! He would gain another thousand followers within the hour. Maybe some super models would follow and hit him up for gigs. He did some killer, yet questionable, shoots a few years back so he already knew some people. But that’s another story for another time.

Now they were just walking around the cruise and Ellie waved Boyd off to another children’s activity. He claimed he was really close to making a new friend because he noticed a kid wearing a Minecraft shirt. 

The two of them walked hand in hand with the ship finally leaving the dock of the island. There was a gorgeous sunset for Mark and Ellie to enjoy together. Mark did notice, however, that because the sun was going down and the wind coming from the ocean and cruise moving that it was starting to get really cold. He let go of Ellie’s hand long enough to take off his grey cardigan and wrapped it around Ellie’s shoulders. “There!” He smiled and wrapped his shoulder around her. “Now you won’t be cold!” He was happy to give up his cardigan but now he was shivering.

Ellie was not picking up what was supposed to be a “romantic” gesture and turned to look at him. “I do not feel temperature.” 

Mark lowkey forgot about that but he wasn’t about to admit that. He cleared his throat “Duh! I know that! But ummm it’s just a thing boyfriends do so just roll with it, kay? Kay.”

“That does not make any sense but if that is supposed to be a common organic gesture then I accept the cardigan.” She smiled before changing the subject. “Thank you for coming to rescue us, though it was not needed at all. That was very kind of you.” 

Mark smiled back “Yeah of course! And if anyone asks, it was all my plan because I’m just awesome like that pew pew!” He did the “pew pew” gesture with his free hand.

“I know that is a lie.” Ellie looked past him to the ocean. “I never knew I would enjoy an ocean view so much. It is very calming.” 

He turned to look back at the ocean too. He smiled “Yeah totes”. There was a comfortable silence between the two. They were just enjoying the moment of the sun slowly setting. Mark was still cold but whatever. “Oh!” Mark let go of Ellie “I just remembered! I got something for you when we were still on the island! It’s in my jacket pocket.” He pointed to his cardigan to have Ellie take it out for him. 

Ellie felt around before taking out a very tacky and very cheap island necklace made out of seashells. Mark probably found it at a local gift shop while he was waiting to be kidnapped. She smiled. “Thank you!” And then proceeded to chuck it into the ocean. She waved goodbye to it as it fell, like she was releasing a pet of hers. 

He gasped, watching it splash into the ocean. He turned to look at Ellie again “Why did you do that?”

“What do you mean? Seashells belong in the ocean.” She stated matter-of-factly. “I like watching things fall to their death, inanimate or not. It can now be dead in its natural habitat.” 

“I- ummm okay.” Mark wasn’t sure what to say to that. “I guess it was the thought that counts.” He laughed to himself.

“Was I supposed to keep that?” Ellie asked. “Well that is stupid.” She obviously didn’t mean anything rude by that. It was just something that needed to be said in her mind. Mark’s romantic gestures were enough to make Ellie happy; it was helping her build her trust for him again, though he still had a ways to go. He was trying and that subconsciously meant a lot to her. 

He laughed again “Hey, don’t worry about it! I’m still very rich so whatever you want, you’ll get! Hell, I still remember that starfish you slowly tortured and dismembered. Can’t say that I was totally vibing with what you were doing but if you want me to buy you another starfish, I can do that. I have a sea creature guy.” He adjusted his cardigan on Ellie’s shoulders before putting his arm back around her.

“Well, that was this morning before Glomgold killed him. I named him Patrick and everything…” Ellie could buy her own things since she was a millionaire herself after the casino, but again, it was the offer that counted. “I suppose it does not matter. Next I want to breed octopi and then kill their children in front of them.” She stopped for a second. “I suppose I would only be able to kill them in front of the mother because the male dies after mating.” She stopped again. “I CANNOT DO THAT EITHER! THE FEMALES DIE WHILE THE EGGS HATCH! GOD!” 

Again, Mark had no idea what to say to that. He wasn’t on board with that but hey, whatever made Ellie happy. “... I’m sure you’ll find plenty of ocean dudes to torture when we get to the next island. Oh I know! Order the crab at dinner and torture thatttttt?” He trailed off “Mayyyyyybbeeeeeee?”

“No. They are dead once they arrive at the table. Perhaps I can ask to be in the kitchen to watch it boil to death. I heard some lobsters even scream.” Ellie laughed at that. “No matter. I can figure out what to do once we arrive at the island.” 

He chuckled nervously, still not sure what to say to that. “Yeah, I’m sure you can chill in the kitchen one night before dinner. I can make a request…” He changed the subject. “Hey, so I was very relieved to see that you were safe today.” He smiled at her “It’s cool that you had fun but I’m glad to have you back safe and sound, ya know?” 

Mark cupped Ellie’s cheek before giving her a kiss. After a few moments Mark broke the kiss, keeping his hand on her cheek. “And since you know how to make really good cocaine now, when we get back to Duckburg, you would be the life of all of the hella awesome raves!”

Ellie wasn’t going to respond to that. Homegirl was not planning on going to another rave or selling more cocaine. One day in the black market was enough for her. She pressed her hand against his on her cheek and leaned into it. “I am glad I am back safe and sound too.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria was sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor of her room finishing up her “masterpiece” on writing “Communist Slut” in bold letters on the back of Mark’s old booty shorts.

Gyro looked over her. “Ummm… are you actually going to wear those. A lot of guys are going to be looking at you…” He was disturbed by the language, but he would also be disturbed if other men started staring at her. And lowkey jealous. 

She held up the booty shorts in front of her and smiled. “Relax, I’ll probably just use them as pajamas.” She got up to go to the bathroom and change into them.

Sighing, he leaned back on the bed, waiting to see her in her “booty shirts”. He wasn’t too excited about her new fit but whatever made her happy. Mark had shit fashion. 

Gloria changed into her new and fabulous outfit that even Miss Glamour would call an “it”. She, of course, was wearing the booty shorts but she was still wearing the shirt that Jimmy Buffett signed. It was her new favorite shirt. She plopped onto the bed and gestured to the part of her shirt where he signed. “Isn’t this just the best thing ever?! I gave Jimmy Buffet cocaine and he signed my shirt!”

“Why does it say “Gloria, keep your clothes on.”?”

She shrugged “Beats me.” She lied.

“Uh… anyway…” Gyro wasn’t going to push for an answer. He knew she didn’t cheat. She probably just took the shirt off for the dude. “Your outfit is… sexy?” No, he didn’t actually think that. But maybe that’s what Gloria wanted to hear with her booty shorts on? He had no idea what she wanted. 

Gloria laughed “Are you asking me a question?” That was a rhetorical question. She quickly changed the subject “So what do ya wanna do? Do you want to watch a movie or something?” The night was still young and at that point Gloria would’ve left to try to sneak back into the casino or something but after the black market fiasco, she just wanted to chill in their room.

“Eh. A movie sounds good. Why don’t you pick one out on Demand? I would want to watch a Planet Earth documentary but I won’t bother to bore you with that. I want to see what you like to watch.” 

“M’kay!” Gloria got up long enough to grab the remote before flopping back on the bed. She skipped past all of the boring documentaries that Gyro would’ve been interested in watching and started scrolling through some Disney and Pixar movies.

“You’re a Disney buff? I should’ve guessed that since you like Star Wars. Please don’t pick The Good Dinosaur... just… no.” 

“Ew, yeah fuck that movie!” She flipped through a few more movies before settling with Ratatouille. She threw the remote aside “Fuck yeah I fucking love this movie! The rats talk, make pasta and everything!”

“Actually, Remy is the only one who cooks and the other rats don’t join in until the end. But whatever.” He corrected like the snarky bitch he was. “Turn it on. I haven’t seen it since it came out in theatres.” 

She reached over to grab the remote again to press play “I fucking love this movie....” She muttered to herself. 

The way she said that was pretty aggressive and Gyro knew if he insulted anything about it he was about to get his ass whooped so he just nodded in agreement as she turned it on. 30 minutes had passed and Gyro would’ve already fallen asleep if it wasn’t for Gloria’s constant screaming and laughing at the movie in reaction to whatever the hell was going on. He yawned and looked over at her. The booty shorts weren’t exactly his thing, but the smile on her face was. She looked pretty like that. He scooted closer to her and rubbed his arm against hers. 

That got her attention. She looked over at Gyro and smiled “Isn’t this movie the greatest?! Like, it’s a little rat that just wants to make food! Amazing! Are you liking it so far?” She scooted closer to him, laying on her back. Gloria was patting her stomach like a drum thinking about how badly she wants popcorn right about now.

“Uh...yeah, it’s great.” Gyro wasn’t actually paying attention but he was now paying more attention to Gloria. He was so fucking relieved that she was okay after the whole “being kidnapped AGAIN” thing. It was somewhat concerning she literally had a BLAST while making cocaine and teaching gang members about dealing, but uh, he wasn’t going to address that. Gyro had no idea why he was trying to get romantic with her while she was screaming over rats, but he was. He rubbed his arm against hers again, hoping she would pick up what he was laying down on the table. This was a rom com and he, being the smart one, wanted to keep the rom in com consistent. 

Gloria finally caught on to what Gyro was doing and rolled over on her side to cuddle up against him, using his chest as a pillow. “Hey I’m sorry if I freaked you out by, you know, being sold to the black market. It was pretty crazy.” She giggled before continuing “But thank you for coming up with a plan on getting me and Ellie out of there. And you endangered Mark’s life while in the process?! You were on a roll today, Gearloose!”

He laughed in response. “Yeah, sadly he wasn’t killed off. I was hoping his new ‘boyfriend’ would offer him some cocaine and he would get a bit too carried away but NOPE. I should know better than to think that.” His statement was serious. Gyro wasn’t going to plan murder, but if Mark died, well, he wouldn’t be much of a loss. 

Gloria laughed “Oh my god and the fact that none of that stuff was part of the plan! I love it!” She sighed “Man, today was a great day…” She grabbed Gyro’s hand and started to fidget with it while she continued to watch the movie. It just got to the part where Linguini preparing food in his apartment with Remy so naturally Gloria kept laughing at the scene.

The movie kept going and Gloria was having a blast and was fucking losing it. Gyro looked down at her head on his chest and then at her hand that was fiddling with his. He started feeling kinda… “Hey. I’m kinda in a mood if you wanna…” He trailed off, mainly because it was painful for the authors to write. Plus he knew it was a bad time since Gloria was hella into the movie, but whatever. Gyro was just that kind of simp. “Um, Ratatouille in the background is cool… I guess?” 

Gloria propped herself up on her shoulder to look back at Gyro. She smirked “It’s because of the booty shorts, isn’t it?”

When Gyro didn’t respond Gloria just laughed at him and turned the movie’s volume down with the remote. “Yeah, alright! I’ve seen this movie before.” It didn’t take Gloria any time to strip off her Jimmy Buffett shirt again “Disney Plus and thrust, am I right?”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	19. Glomgold's Mental Breakdown

Magica really didn’t want to be involved in this whole “taking over the ship” thing anymore because homie just wanted to get wasted on her free time, but Ma Beagle convinced her to continue with the play by offering her half of the cruise company if they did manage to convince Scrooge to give it up. 

Currently it was 3 am, the haunting hour, and Ma Beagle, her three top sons, Magica, and (sadly) Glomgold were getting ready to take over the helm area, where the wheel and captain were located. 

“Alright, to go over the plan again,” Ma Beagle started. It was the sixth goddamn time she was going over it but her sons needed to hear it and, most importantly, Glomgold. “Magica, you handle any security cameras with the little skill you have without magic.”

Mega roast on Magica. Damn. She shrugged it off and started chugging on her whiskey again.

“Bigtime, Bouncer, Burger, you three break in the door, that's when you,” She pointed to Glomgold “Waddle on in and do whatever you usually do to annoy people. It’ll catch the cruise off guard and that’s when the rest of us will run in to take them down when they’re distracted.” 

“Wait, soooooo…” Glomgold blinked slowly. He had to wipe the drool away that was dripping from his beak. “I go in there and cockroach crawl?”

“I DON’T CARE, FLINTHEART! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO!”

“So I can search them for goldfish?” 

“I DON’T CARE!” She slapped him but Glomgold predictably didn’t react. Ma Beagle sighed before turning to her sons again. “Do you idiots need me to repeat anything.”

“Yeah, actually-”

“Shut up, Bigtime. Magica, do your thing.” 

Magica nodded, finishing up her whiskey bottle. She used it to smash the two security cameras before breaking the remaining glass on her head. “Can I leave now?” 

“No. We still need you to help tie up the crew members.” 

“God. I wish I had another whiskey.” 

Ma Beagle eyed her sons and they got the message well enough. Bouncer smashed the lock handle without any help from his brothers and creaked the door open for Glomgold.

Ma Beagle now eyed him.

He looked at her and blinked one eye at a time. He started drooling again.

“Flintheart…”

“Wot?”

She grit her teeth together. It was so hard to not yell, but she had to keep her voice low when the door was slightly opened. None of the crew members inside had noticed. “It’s your turn to go in there and start distracting them.”

“Wot?”

“Go in there and ask them for goldfish.”

“THEY GOT GOLDFISH?!”

Ma Beagle didn’t say anything else before he scuttled into the room quicker than lighting. He didn’t have to crack the door open any wider, he slid in like a cockroach, his body squishing and forming along with the framed walls. 

“OI! ANY OF YOOH GOT GOLDFISH!”

The 4 crew members, including the captain, that were in the helm turned and stared at him. Not because he busted in, but because he was still only wearing Gloria’s bra and Ellie’s underwear. 

“Um…” One spoke up. “You’re not supposed to be in there, sir. If you want goldfish there is a small snack store open 24/7 on the main deck.” 

“NO! THAT COSTS MONEH!” He scuttled around in a circle. “I SMELL IT ON YOOH!” He pointed to the captain. “WHERE’S THE GOLDFISH!”

The captain put his hands in the air. “My son really likes goldfish so that’s probably it, I don’t have any on me so-”

He got cut off by Glomgold clinging to him, tearing through all of his pockets. 

“WHAT?! GET OFF OF ME YOU FREAK!” 

When Glomgold couldn’t find any goldfish, he turned to nibbling on the clothing to try to taste some of the scent, like that would be a good substitute or something. 

“HELP ME YOU, ASSHOLES!” He turned to the other 3. “YOU AREN’T BEING PAID TO JUST STAND THERE!” 

“AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!” 

The three ran up simultaneously and tried to pry Glomgold off. He started attacking and nibbling at them in turn. 

When all that shit was going on, Ma Beagle and the rest snuck into the room. The captain, who was facing them, didn’t even notice because he was too busy looking down at Glomgold clinging to him. The other 3 had their backs turned. 

Nothing needed to be said. Bouncer knocked the shit out of the four of them in mere seconds, blacking them out completely. Looks like the others weren’t really useful. Whatever.

“Alright, Magica, Bigtime, tie them up.” 

“God. FINE!” Magica rolled her eyes and pulled out rope from her hot topic backpack, handing some to Bigtime before getting to work. 

Ma Beagle smirked, taking the captain hat and placing it on her old lady head. 

Glomgold frowned before waddling up to her. “Do yooh have any goldfish, Katherine?” 

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “No, Flintheart.”

“Oh… I see…” He scratched his beard. He pulled out some seaweed left over from the one time he got pushed overboard and ate it real quick. “So… yooh wanna fight or something?” He was still referring to fist fighting. Don’t worry.

“No, Flintheart.”

“But whyyyyyyyyyyyy?” He threw his head back and whined.

That was the final straw for dear old Katherine. She whipped her head to the side, the captain hat almost falling off, and growled at Glomgold like the beagle she was. “You know what, Flintheart? We’re done.”

“...Wot? No. It’s only 3 am. It’s not bedtime until 4:30.”

“NO! I MEAN I’M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!” 

“...WOT?! WHY?!” He gestured to his non-existent abs. “LOOK AT HOW SEXY I AM!”

She slapped his tummy and watched it jiggle. It was an attempt to show him he didn’t have abs but it didn’t work. “THE ONLY REASON I DATED YOU TO BEGIN WITH IS BECAUSE I WAS DESPERATE! I HADN’T DATED ANYONE SINCE 2001 WHEN KIDS BOP WAS STILL POPULAR AND I WAS THIRSTY! BUT I AIN’T THIRSTY ENOUGH FOR YOU SO GET OUT! YOU HELPED ME TAKE OVER THE SHIP SO YOUR JOB IS DONE!” She pointed toward the door.

His face morphed into one with puppy dog eyes and he puckered out his bottom lip. For once, Glomgold knew what was going on. “B-but, I thought we had something Katherine.” 

“That’s Captain Katherine to you. And we don’t.” 

Little cockroach tears started falling from Glomgold’s little cockroach eyes before he scuttled out on all fours. 

No one said anything, they just watched him leave with his ass in the air. 

Ma Beagle scoffed again. “Good riddance.”

Bigtime tapped her shoulder. “So what’s the plan now, Ma?” 

A malicious smirk crossed her face. “We blackmail Scrooge to give us the cruise company and if he refuses we sink this baby.” She laughed to herself. “Magica got rid of all the lifeboats but one, so we take that baby and watch all the others on board die. I have a polaroid camera and everything to capture the moment if it comes to that. And knowing Scrooge, it most likely will.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Boyd stirred in his sleep, causing Ellie to wake up in turn. She was laying with him in his twin bed with him in her arms. Last night she insisted on telling him a bedtime story as a sort of apology after his dads tricked him into tagging along to a black market HQ.

Boyd wasn’t aware he was tricked and therefore wasn’t scarred, but Ellie felt the need to do something in return anyway. He was a bit old for bedtime stories, but Boyd nor Ellie realized that, and Boyd obviously didn’t protest like the good bean he was. Afterward they both just shut down like that because Ellie didn’t want to let go of him after he shut down first.

Mark didn’t have a fucking problem with having a king sized bed to himself because he could sprawl out sideways. That’s what he did when he was single in his mansion because he was a rich bitch and all.

Tilting her head, Ellie looked down at Boyd. “Boyd, are you awake?”

There was no response. Boyd must’ve been stirring in his sleep due to a dream or something of the sort. He didn’t seem upset so Ellie didn’t bother waking him up. 

Predictably, she checked the time in her data. It was just a little past 5:30 ante meridiem, early as hell but she didn’t feel the need to shut down again. She stretched her neck to look out the window. The sun would be rising in less than a half hour so she decided she would go watch it on the balcony and then read something in her data until either Boyd or Mark would wake. Who was she kidding. Boyd would wake up first. Mark always slept in until noon like a lazy ass. 

She gave Boyd a kiss on the head before getting up and sliding the balcony door open, closing it quietly behind her before sitting on the outdoor soda. If she could feel temperature, Mark’s cardigan would’ve come in handy. The only reason she was still wearing it over her pajamas was because, being her, she figured it was mandatory after being offered it. Kind of like how people wore wedding rings when they were married or some shit. Mark didn’t say anything and until he did, he sure as hell wasn’t getting his cardigan back. He had 20 others so it didn’t really matter anyway.

Now that she thought about it, she hadn’t watched the sunrise since that one time on the beach with Mark at camp Godgold. Good times. Waiting for the sunrise kind of felt nostalgic now. If she had a cockroach, it would be a perfect recreation. 

Nonetheless, she settled on reading a biography of the Zodiac Killer (because murder) as she waited for the sun. 

You know that feeling when you’re sleeping and you suddenly wake up with the sensation that you were just falling? Well that just happened to poor Mark. He sat up in his king sized bed, trying to catch his breath. He looked over at Boyd to see that he was still sleeping but was confused as to where Ellie was. He sighed and got up to go check on her. The room was big but not so big that it took Mark forever to find her. There were only so many places for her to be in the room.

Mark slowly opened the glass door to the patio to sit with Ellie. “Hey…” He whispered because it was still nighttime for him. “What are you doing?” He really didn’t need that answered. He knew that she was reading something through her database; he just didn’t know what.

Mark grabbed the open chair on the balcony and scooted it up next to Ellie for him to sit.

She jumped. She was so focused on reading that she didn’t hear him. Plus she wasn’t expecting Mark Beaks to wake up this damn early. “I am just waiting for the sun to rise and reading a biography on the Zodiac Killer.” She smiled. “What are you doing up so early?” 

Mark didn’t answer her question. “The Zodiac Killer, huh?” He leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up. “What’s the deal with all the… dead stuff lately?” Mark put his hands behind his head together to get comfortable.

That question caught Ellie off guard. Mark never asked what her deal was, like, ever. And it was a pretty personal question she didn’t know how to answer. She told Gyro she would be honest with Mark but it was hard. “I am not quite sure. I suppose I just started focusing on that as a sort of distraction. It has always been an interest of mine anyway.” 

Mark gave her a confused look “A sort of distraction? Like from what? We are on vacation on a hella nice cruise! What more of a distraction do you need?” He laughed.

“Just drop it, Mark!” She snapped at him.

His eyes widened “Woah woah, Ellie, I was only joking around! Okay, I’ll drop it…” He awkwardly looked back at the ocean again, not sure what else to do.

“Sorry… I did not mean to snap at you like that, I just…” She looked back at the ocean as well. “I’ve just been upset lately. At the party, Gyro told me it was because my program was fighting itself after all the trauma I’ve experienced. Because I am not supposed to be feeling intense negative emotions.” She paused. “I am tired of being a robot. I am tired of existing this way. It’s not fair. I want to be normal like everyone else and I can’t be…” She stopped there. 

Mark turned his attention back to Ellie as soon as she started talking again. He sat up in his chair and moved to sit criss cross applesauce in her direction. He wasn’t sure what to say to something like that. His tone shifted “Oh… um, how long have you been feeling this way?” Mark couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible considering that he was the one who programmed and built her.

“After Drew called me crazy. That is when I just realized I was not… normal and then I almost…” Hopefully Mark knew what she was talking about. “I won’t but it does not mean I am any less upset.” She continued on. “And there is also the whole thing where I can suddenly feel pain. There is nothing to explain that and it is just a reminder of what I cannot be.” 

Mark looked down at the floor, still not sure what the best response would be. “Shit, Ellie… Is there anything I could do? I mean, I probably can’t do anything since we aren’t at Waddle... but after the cruise?” He looked back at Ellie again. “I would hate to ask for Gyro’s help but maybe I can learn how to reprogram you to be more like how Boyd is programmed? I’m just spitting out ideas here.”

“That is a very kind offer of you, Mark but… no. I am so tired of being reprogrammed all the time. Boyd is less complicated than I am when it comes to his emotions so erasing memories to fix negative emotions is easy. But I know you already erased some of my memories in my database, I must’ve asked you to. And I suppose it worked for a little while, right? The issues I have must be a lot more deeper than that and can’t just be forgotten or reprogrammed. Perhaps I am wrong and I can be easily reprogrammed but I just do not wish to be. I hope you can understand that.” She put her feet up on the sofa so she could hug her knees. “I suppose the only option is to learn how to cope and work with my emotions. Like organ- like people do. I just do not know where to even start.” 

Mark did a poorly timed joke “I am not the best person to ask on something like that.” He laughed at his own joke before going back to his actual response. “I mean, we could always continue doing therapy if that was helping?” He sighed “I know what you mean though. Bad vibes and negative emotions absolutely suck… but you have to take the bad with the good sometimes, you know? And hey, living with both makes you more real! I know it isn’t fun but if you want what everyone else has, well, this is it.” Mark gave a reassuring smile hoping that his attempt at making her feel better was good enough. If not, it was another cold night in M’ma’s room rewatching her soap operas.

Ellie stared at Mark with a blank expression for a moment. Mark noticed and smiled wider back at her before darting his eyes away. Damn. Now he was a bit freaked out. It was always impossible to tell what she was thinking with how emotionless she looked all the time. 

He had no idea what to expect, if he even was supposed to expect anything, but the last thing he saw coming was her tackling him from his chair. Ellie didn’t intend to have them both crash onto the hard deck floor, but that’s just what happened. She did intend, however, to pin him down when she was on top of him. Homie thought he was gonna get his ass beat until Ellie smashed her face into his. 

The kisses were large and sloppy. Mark was in too much shock to even kiss back. She never took the initiative like this. In fact, she was very romantically boring; Mark didn’t have another way to explain it.

He had no idea what the fuck was going on but basically Ellie was showing her appreciation, in a weird way, for him listening to her. She finally felt like she could put all of her trust in him completely again and knew he had indeed improved as a boyfriend, even if it was just a baby step. Also she was just being a little robot hoe. Don’t worry, we don’t hoe shame in this house. 

When Ellie realized Mark wasn’t kissing back, she got lowkey pissed and moved down to sloppily kissing his neck instead. 

It took Mark a minute for him to realize that she wasn’t in fact trying to hurt him for saying the wrong thing. It was quite the opposite. He blushed and laughed awkwardly while trying his best to look at her. “A-um… what is this for? I- I mean it’s great! But… why?” As always, this poor soul had no idea what to say. He couldn’t even move because Ellie still had him pinned down. His back also kind of hurt when she slammed him down on the ground but he wasn’t about to start complaining about that.

Ellie immediately stopped and, damn, she wanted to shut down right then and there because she was embarrassed as all hell. She let go of him and sat up, though still on top of him. “Uh, I, uh, apologies. That was very inappropriate of me. It just meant a lot that you were willing to listen and talk to me and uh…I guess I just went a bit ‘wack’ as you would say...” This was the most awkward situation she’s been in with Mark, ever. At least, that’s what it felt like. “Did you- did you not like that?” 

Mark laughed. He pushed himself up off of the floor so he was sitting in front of Ellie. “I mean, yeah I liked it! I just wasn’t expecting it is all.” After another minute he stood up, holding Ellie’s hand to help her up as well. He noticed that the sun was rising, making the whole sky pink. Mark didn’t want his day to start though. He turned his attention back to Ellie, still holding onto her hand, and yawned. “I’m still tired. Do you want to go back to bed? We can go out with Boyd and do something fun and Instagram worthy together later, kay?”

“You are not going to kiss me back. I see how it is.” She nudged his arm. Her face was neutral as usual and Mark had no idea if she was actually upset or not until her awkward laugh gave it away. She still sucked at jokes, and probably would always, but it was whatever. She tried. 

Mark, at first, was scared shitless. Thank god for Ellie’s awkward laugh because damn. He laughed awkwardly with her “O-oh ha! Yeah! Uh, my b” (Yes he would literally just say the letter ‘b’). Mark took out his phone and clicked on the camera. He held his phone out as if he was taking a selfie, ready to kiss Ellie. He wanted a really good shot of the two of them kissing with such a great sunrise in the background. 

As he leaned in, Ellie pulled back, pushing his phone down.

He shot her a confused and disappointed look. “What? That was going to be a really good pic!”

She shook her head before wrapping her arms around his neck. “I want this to be just between us.” She whispered, pressing his forehead against hers.

“Well, that’s lame.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“I got you a coke as requested.” Gyro handed her over the can. Gloria was craving some alcohol and he figured a soda addiction was better. Keep in mind she had also requested cocaine but Gyro took that as a “Coca-Cola” request. 

Gloria made a face at the coke. She was expecting something more… white… or orange for that matter. A bitch still liked Edible Goldfish every now and then. “Thanks” 

“I got myself a Ginger Ale!” He held up the can like he was proud of it. 

Gloria ignored him and opened her can of coke.

There was some awkward silence. He could tell Gloria was lowkey pissed about not getting cocaine. “Sooooo, what do you want to do today? There’s the pool and waterslides, um,” He had to think deeply, Gloria had been banned from a ton of shit. “The strip club? You’re not banned from that place yet, right?” There was another tense moment of silence. Gloria really wanted some cocaine. “OR I could teach you how to play chess! I like that idea.” 

That actually made Gloria laugh “I like how you went from wanting to go to a strip club to playing chess.” She knew Gyro didn’t actually want to go to a strip club but it was still funny to her that he brought it up nonetheless.

“...yeah…” He coughed into his fist after taking a sip of his beloved Ginger Ale that you usually only see on airplanes. “Like I said, chess sounds pretty fun to me! Haha...ha.” 

“I mean, yeah I guess you could try to teach me how to play chess, but I’ll probably start using the chess pieces as mini weapons that I could use to throw at unsuspecting children!”

“Okay. How about we play checkers? Round objects won’t poke a child’s eye out. Hopefully.” 

Gloria smiled “Is that a challenge?”

Gyro believed she was joking but he also didn’t. “Let’s just go on some water slides.” 

She shrugged. “Fine with me. Good thing I thought to wear my bikini!” To prove it, Gloria took off her Jimmy Buffett shirt yet again. The Jimmy Buffett shirt strips never stop. And they won’t.

“Well,” Gyro pointed to his floral vacation shorts. “I got a speedo on under this.” He winked. “AND!” He opened his man purse. “I brought 2 swimming caps. And pairs of goggles.” He pulled them out as further proof. Both caps for pink. 

Gloria held a hand up, signaling him to stop. “Okay first of all: ew. And second of all: who the fuck wears a swim cap and goggles on a waterslide? Like…. What the fuck, Gyro?”

“I use a lot of hair products and my eyes are sensitive to water.” He stated bluntly before taking off his glasses, putting them in his Louis Vuitton glasses case to stuff in his man purse. He then proceeded to put on his goggles because they had his prescription. “Just so you know, we’re going to have to find one of those pool lockers to put my stuff in. I don’t want anyone stealing my extra bottle of sunscreen. It’s an expensive brand.” 

Gloria rubbed her forehead in disbelief to what she was hearing “God Gyro… There are so so many things I could say to make fun of you right now. You just make it so easy.”

He ignored that and looked down at his shoes. He paused. “FUCK!” He looked back up at Gloria. Gloria couldn’t see his eyes behind the tinted goggles, but there was most definitely fear in them. “I forgot my water shoes in the room! We gotta go back.” 

The disbelief skyrocketed. There were no emotions that could properly express how Gloria was feeling right about now. She just decided to walk away from him as if he was a stranger. “I’m going to go throw things at children.”

“What did I say?!” Gyro ran up and grabbed her arm. “You need to come back to the room with me because you know hotel hallways scare me.” 

Gloria gave him another confused look “What the fuck? Why?” God she sleeps with this man...

“There was this one time in Cincinnati- you know what? That’s a story for another time. I just want my swim shoes.” 

“Ughhhhhhhh! Fine!” Gloria chugged the rest of her coke and crushed it with one hand. She held onto it just in case there was a little shit kid who crossed her path while they were walking back to the room.

Gyro was relieved as hell. Fuck long hallways in hotels/cruises. “Okay. Thank you.” 

The worst part was that their room was on the other side of the cruise and it was going to be a long ass walk. Gloria wouldn’t have had a problem if Gyro actually got her a Margarita or some cocaine instead of fucking Coca-Cola. But whatevs. 

He rambled on about the game of chess since he had it set in his mind he would teach her some time until they reached their door. He was about to unlock it when he paused.

“...do you hear that?”

Gloria was literally not paying attention to a single thing he was saying. “What?” It should be mentioned that she wasn’t holding her Coca-Cola can anymore and you know why.

“The sniffling.” He nudged his head toward the door. “...coming from our room. You don’t think it’s…” 

Gloria’s eyes widened. She quoted The Office “Nooooo god! No God please no! No!”

Gyro didn’t get the reference and just sighed before opening the door. He would’ve just let it be but my guy really wanted his swim shoes. 

Sure enough, there was Glomgold scrunched up under the bed, sobbing. 

“Glomgold? What are you doing here? I thought you were still on the island.” Gyro didn’t sound concerned in the least bit. His questions were rather snippy. 

“LEAVE MEH BE, DR. FUCKFACE!” 

See, situations like this is exactly why Gloria has a drinking problem.

Gyro shrugged before grabbing his purple, sparkly swim shoes he bought in 2015 and putting them on. “Okay. Let’s head out. I don’t want to deal with this and I’m sure you don’t either.” 

Glomgold, who also wanted attention, yelled again. “IT WAS KATHERINE! SHE BROKE UP WITH MEHHHHH AND I DON’T KNOW WHY!” Glomgold cried louder.

Gyro whipped his head around. “Katherine Beagle?” It was obviously her but he had to clarify because he wouldn’t put it past Glomgold to accidentally get a hooker on the island without knowing. 

“DUH! GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE SMART!” Glomgold used one of Gloria’s bras as a tissue.

Looking over to Gloria, Gyro made an annoyed but concerned face. How the two expressions mixed is up to you to imagine. “Should we do something or…? I’ve never seen him like this.” 

Gloria sighed “Yeah I got this.” She figured dealing with Glomgold’s break up issues would be better than having to see Gyro wear… that at the pool.

She sat at the edge of the bed, next to Glomgold. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“SHE WAS MEH FIRST GIRLFRIEND AND SHE USED MEH!” He blew his nose into her bra again. 

At this point, Gloria was seriously running low on bras but there really wasn’t anything she could do about it. She nodded along like she was interested in what he had to say. “I know how to stop thinking about her. Go to the strip club. If you tell them Gloria sent you, you could get a discount.”

“I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEH, SEE!?” He tried to put his pockets inside out before realizing he didn’t have any. Instead he sniffed and shoved his hands into the side of his underwear and then into his bra to prove himself. “ALL SHE WANTED MEH FOR WAS TO DISTRACT THE CREW MEMBERS! IT WAS ALL A SCHEME! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE THAT COMES UP WITH THE SCHEMES BECAUSE I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD!” He started sobbing harder. 

Now this story was getting interesting. “What scheme, Glomgold?”

“SHE TOLD ME THE CREW MEMBERS WOULD HAVE GOLDFISH BUT SHE DIDN’T!” Obviously, Glomgold was twisting some of this around. “ALL SHE WANTED WAS TO TAKE OVER THE SHIP AND WHEN SHE DID SHE THREW ME OUT LIKE AN EMPTY BAG OF GOLDFISH! AND YOOH SHOULD NEVER THROW AWAY A BAG OF GOLDFISH, EVEN IF IT’S EMPTY. YOOH ARE SUPPOSED TO EAT IT!” 

Gloria turned her attention back to Gyro as she responded “So Ma Beagle is planning on taking over the ship.” Honestly they were due for another crazy villain to pop up again so it made sense.

Gyro wasn’t listening until Gloria said that. “...what does she want with the ship, Glomgold?” 

“SHE ALREADY TOOK OVER THE SHIP!” He sniffled. “SHE WANTS TO TRY TO TAKE THE CRUISE LINE COMPANY FROM SCROOGE AND IF HE DOESN’T GIVE IT TO HER, SHE’S GOING TO SINK THE SHIP! SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO SPLIT THE COMPANY WITH MEH! AND THEN WE COULD FIGHT! BUT NOOOOOOO!” 

“Ummmm….” Gyro looked over at Gloria. They just couldn’t catch a break. At least Glomgold wasn’t completely accountable this time around. “So, what you’re saying is… she’s willing to kill everyone on board?”

“YEAH! THERE’S ONLY ONE LIFEBOAT LEFT SO SHE’S GONNA LEAVE MEH TO DIE TOO!” Finally his mood changed and he crawled out from under the bed, hopping up and pumping his fists in the air. His belly hung out and jiggled around from the sudden jump. “LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW THAT MEH, FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, CAN NEVER DIE! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” His mood went back to being sad. “... But she doesn’t love meh…” 

“THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT?!”

“OI! DON’T YELL AT MEH, DR. FUCKFACE!” Glomgold crawled back under the bed and hissed. 

“Okay… Glomgold, you said that Scrooge owns this cruise line right?”

“WOULDN’T YOOH LIKE TA KNOW, GLADIS!”

Gyro answered the question for him. “Yes. Scrooge does.” 

“Well damn we work for him why the fuck didn’t we get an employees discount?!”

“THAT’S YOUR MAIN CONCERN HERE?! SCROOGE MOST DEFINITELY WON’T HANDLE THIS COMPANY! SHE’S GOING TO SINK THE SHIP!” 

“Well why don’t we fucking call him and tell him the issue. I’m sure he wouldn’t just let hundreds of people drown!”

Gyro tried to pinch in between his eyes, but his hand made eye contact with the goggles. He grunted and sucked his finger to ease the pain before continuing. “Well, I would say the same thing if…” Gyro pulled out his phone. “He didn’t message me and say he was going on an offline trip with his family on some crazy adventure for a month.” He held up the message he got from Scrooge a few days ago for Gloria to see. “Something about finding the entrance to hell?” 

As Gyro shoved his phone back into his pocket, something dawned on him. “Scrooge can’t negotiate if he’s offline…” 

“Right! So Ma Beagle really can’t do anything then?”

“No. She’s fucking insane. She’s going to think Scrooge is ignoring her and sink the ship.” 

Gloria was running out of ideas here. “Okayyyyy so we fight her? I mean, she’s pretty short. I could probably take her on myself.”

“SHE’S WITH MAGICA AND HER UGLY KIDS!” Glomgold intervened. 

“GODDAMNIT!” Gyro kicked the wall with his ugly ass water shoes. “Magica doesn’t have powers, but she’s crazy when she’s drunk. And Bouncer and Bigtime scare the shit out of me. Not so much Burger. He’s kinda useless.” 

“Alright so we keep Magica sober and then fight this woman and her kids! Easy! Doesn’t Scrooge fight her all the time. Can’t be too difficult. I mean, what do we have to lose? We either fight or we drown.”

“Yeah I know…” He sighed. “I just wanted a break for once!” He finally took off his ugly ass goggles. “Guess we aren’t going on the water slides…” 

“WOT?! I WANNA GO!” 

“Glomgold. Shut up.” Gyro snapped. “Do you know when she’s going to try and contact Scrooge.”

“HOW WOULD I KNOW, DR. FUCKFACE!?”

“Okay. Well, I guess we gotta work fast because it could be today.” Gyro started to put back on his normal shoes. Thank god. “Guess we should contact Ellie and Mark.” 

Gloria was already texting them in the Anti Gyro Groupchat “Already on it.”

Within 15 seconds, Mark responded with a “K”.

Ellie responded with a “We are busy at the moment. <3” 

Gloria shook her head. She took a quick picture of Glomgold who was still crying and blowing snot into her bra and sent it to them in the groupchat, with the caption “Guess who’s back.”

Mark: LMAOOOOO! GONNA B A GRATE PIC FOR MY INSTA!”   
Mark: K byeeeeeeee! #leaveusalone

Ellie just left the messages on read.

Gyro looked up at her. “Are they on the way?” 

“Hell no!” Again, there is a reason why Gloria had addiction problems.

“WHY NOT?!” 

“They have better things to do I guess but whatever. Screw them.”

“No, we need their help. God. Now we’re gonna have to go find them. This is RIDICULOUS!” 

“GLADIS?!”

Gloria was about to fucking lose it she was so pissed “WHAT?!”

Glomgold peaked his head out of the bed again and sniffed “Do you have any Goldfish?”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie looked down at her phone. “Who on earth is Katherine Beagle?” 

Currently, her and Mark were on their way to pick up Boyd from his playdate with his new friend. Our boy made a new friend! UWU! He said they were going to play minecraft for a few hours. 

“Ugh! She’s some crazy BITCH with a lot of sons who thinks she’s better than everybody!” That didn’t really answer Ellie’s question but whatever. 

“No matter. I am sure Gloria and Gyro will handle the situation on their own.” Ellie put her phone into her purse before walking up to Boyd and his new friend who were playing Minecraft on their phones by the pool as the new friend’s father kept an eye on them. Ellie didn’t really give enough of a shit to learn Boyd’s friend’s name. 

“Hello, Boyd. We have come by to retrieve you.” Ellie smiled. 

He turned and looked up at her. “I killed James Charles in Minecraft!” 

Mark almost fainted “OMG BOYD, NO YOU DIDN’T!” Mark quickly pulled out his phone to see if James Charles blocked him on all social media and wouldn’t you know it, he did.

Boyd’s smile dropped. “Did I do something wrong…?”

Ellie gave Mark a look that meant to tread wisely. 

Mark was close to crying. “He was going to name an eyeshadow line after me....”

“Oh no, dad, I’m sorry!” Boyd started tearing up too.

Ellie shot Mark another look. “...Mark…you are making him upset.” 

Mark fell to the ground and curled into a ball. “HE BLOCKED ME!?”

Boyd started sobbing. “I’m sorry, dad! I didn’t mean to! I’m really sorry!” 

At this point, the dad who was watching over Boyd and his new friend/son, took his son and left. 

“No! No no, Boyd! You did not do anything wrong!” Ellie ran up to him and gave him a hug. “Your father is just being… him…” She took his hand and stood up. “Do you want a water bottle? You must be thirsty from sitting out in the heat for a bit.” 

Boyd nodded and wiped his tears away.

The two left Mark to cry on the ground. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	20. Well... That Was Anticlimactic

“I found a corner, mom!” 

Ellie smiled and took the piece from him. “How helpful, Boyd! Thank you!” 

The two were doing a puzzle on the floor of the suite. It was a portrait of Jimmy Buffett that Ellie found at the cruise gift shop. She wasn’t a fan of him but she liked puzzles so it was a win lose. 

There was a knock on the door and Ellie ignored it, Mark on the other did not. He almost threw his phone across the room in pure rage before stopping because he realized it was his precious phone. He settled on screaming into his pillow before turning to Ellie.

“GOD! IT’S THE FOURTH TIME THEY KNOCKED ON OUR DOOR! CAN THEY JUST, LIKE, NOT?!” 

Ellie didn’t bother to look at him because she was too focused on the puzzle. “If it bothers you so much, then actually answer this time.” 

“UGHHHHHH, FIIIIINEEEEEEE!” Mark groaned. He rolled off the bed and stomped his way over to the door. He threw open the door giving both Gyro and Gloria a very pissed off expression. “GOD, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?! CAN’T YOU SEE WE DON’T WANT TO SEE YO UGLY ASSES!”

Gyro was first to snap back. “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! WE’VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE AND WE STOPPED BY YOUR SUITE THREE OTHER TIMES!” 

Mark laughed “Lmaooooooo yeahhhhh we’ve been chillin’ in here the whole time ignoring you sooooooooo…”

“EXCUSE ME?! WHAT COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN STOPPING THE SHIP FROM SINKING?!” 

It should be mentioned that Ellie and Boyd were still on the floor doing the Jimmy Buffett puzzle like nothing was happening. They were almost done too!

Mark started to tap on the door frame, impatiently. “Ummmm like, anything else?”

“WE’RE GOING TO DIE IF WE DON’T DO ANYTHING YOU IMBECILE!” 

“Woah woah could you just… not do that? You’re bringing such bad vibes and also I don’t really care what you have to say so ha ha byeeeeeeee!” Mark was about to close the door but Gloria’s foot blocked it from closing.

Gloria was having none of this bullshit. She grabbed onto the door and threw it open for her to barge in. “LISTEN BITCH! YOU AND ELLIE ARE GOING TO HELP US TAKE THE SHIP BACK FROM MA BEAGLE OR SO HELP ME YOU WILL WAKE UP IN A TUB OF ICE! I KNOW A GUY, BEAKS! DON’T FUCKING TEST ME!”

When Ellie heard her name she finally looked over. “I do not understand what the big deal is. If the ship sinks, there are plenty of lifeboats.” 

Gloria turned her attention to Ellie. Good thing too for Mark’s sake. One more comment from him and he would be dead.“No that’s the thing! They’re all gone! Ma Beagle got rid of all but one and it’s for her to escape!”

“Well…” Ellie thought for a second. “Why not enjoy our vacation and if the ship sinks, we get to the lifeboat first. Simple.” 

“But what about all the other people on board, Ellie?! Not only innocent people, but my friend Crystal and Jimmy Buffett are on board too!”

“I do not care for innocent people nor Jimmy Buffett.” She said bluntly. But she did stand up. “But I will help you if it means that much to you. Crystal seems like a good person.” 

Mark chimed in again “Ughhhhhh whyyyyyyyyy? I don’t want to deal with any of this! Can’t we like, hire someone to throw her overboard or something? I want a nap.”

Boyd looked up at him. “But, dad, you can’t just leave our family to do it by themselves…” He pouted. “You aren’t that type of person, are you?” Why Boyd hadn’t roasted Ellie when she wasn’t willing to help was unknown, but he didn’t really respect Mark as much. Subconsciously. 

Mark only wanted to answer Boyd’s first question. “Nah nah you guys don’t have to do any of this Ma Beagle stuff if you don’t want to! That’s what I’m saying! Let’s just hire someone to do it for us.”

“Like who, dad? Jimmy Buffett?” Boyd wasn’t serious. He was trying to make a point. “We can’t get other people involved. We’re supposed to be the heroes.” 

Mark held his hands up. “Alright alright I’ll help… but only if you apologize to James Charles on Minecraft and get him to unblock me on Twitter!”

Ellie made a face. “Mark, that is incredibly stupid. You should not have to ask your child to do something in return.” 

“Hey, do you want my help or not?”

Shit was going down and Ellie was having none of it. She crossed her arms. “No. You are helping because I said so.” 

At this point in the conversation, Gyro was starting to get a migraine. Gloria on the other hand took out her phone to start recording just in case a fight broke out and she had something good to send to WorldStar.

“Ughhhhhhh! Omg all of this for a stupid ship take over? Alright fine! I’ll do it! Chill!” Mark flopped back on the bed to pout.

Gyro’s migraine hadn’t let up but he decided he needed to take initiative again. “We’re going now, so get up, Mark.” 

Mark groaned again “YOU GUYS ARE ASKING SO MUCH OF MEEEEEEE!” He turned so he wasn’t facing any of them.

Gyro gave Ellie a look.

She sighed, knowing what he was asking of her so she walked over to him. She muttered an “Apologies” before shoving him off the bed.

Mark dramatically rolled on the floor like he was in more pain than he actually was. “OWWWWWWWWW! Don’t push me! I bruise easily!” He continued to lay on the floor. “I’ll get up when I feel like it, okay!?”

“Mark!”

Gloria was still recording. She was pumping her fist and saying “Yes! Fuck him up, Ellie!” into the phone. It suddenly dawned on her that she was holding Mark Beak’s kryptonite.

She walked over to where Mark was still laying and held her phone in front of his face. “Mark, if you don’t help us I will leak this video of you yelling and crying like the little bitch you are. All of your fans will see it. Is that what you want?” Gloria opened up her twitter and was a tap away from hitting “post”.

That got Mark’s attention. He quickly jumped up and held his hands out like he was surrendering. “OKAY OKAY! I’ll help!”

Gloria closed out of Twitter and put her phone back in her pocket, walking back to Gyro. “That’s what I fucking thought, bitch.”

Ellie took Boyd’s hand and walked out the door with Gloria and Gyro, waiting on Mark to get his ass out of the suite. 

“I hope you do not mind,” Ellie started. “But I am going to drop Boyd off at a children’s activity before we most likely kill people.” 

“Okay meet us at the port side. We’ll need to come up with a more thorough plan there.” Gyro was walking the fastest out of all of them given his freakishly long legs.

That only made it harder for Mark to catch up. He was crying about Gloria’s blackmail while running and tweeting about how his life was unfair.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Alright everyone!” Gyro smiled while slamming notepads and pens on the outside restaurant table. Ellie, Mark, and Gloria were already sitting down at the table, Hawaiian themed decorations all around. “Grab a notepad and give me your best ideas!” Gyro loved making plans and having everything organized. Yes, the situation was pretty dire but he wanted to use his notepads at some point on the trip!

Ellie didn’t even bother to look at the notepad. She stared blankly at Gyro. “We stab them.” 

Gyro adjusted his glasses while continuing to stand. “Okay yes… but how do we get to her? The first thing we need to consider is how to sneak our way to the helm of the ship without her sons alerting her that we are coming.”

“We stab them.” 

Gyro literally cannot function with that being the sole solution. “No no! We can’t just go around stabbing people! Plus, what would we even stab them with?! All of these things need to be well thought out before we leave!”

Ellie smashed her glass of water on the ground before picking up a glass shard. “We stab them with this.”

The waitress, who wasn’t Magica this time around, sighed and started cleaning up the mess. That was the fifth glass broken in the 10 minutes. The last three being from Ellie alone.

Gyro groaned. “No! Use the notepads!”

“I am done. I have no other ideas other than stabbing.” She slid the notepad forward and leaned back in her chair, looking rather pissed off. 

“Well I’m using the notepad, Gyro.” Gloria said smugly. But she wasn’t taking notes. She was just drawing Ellie stabbing the Beagle Boys repeatedly. Gloria thought that Beagle and Bagel were really close in names so she creatively made the Beagle Boys wear Bagel uniforms. She held it up for him to look at.

He didn’t even bother to respond to that. “I cannot believe I’m asking this…” He turned to his mortal enemy. “Do you have any ideas, Mark?” 

Mark, who has been sitting at the table with his feet propped up on the table while leaning back in his chair.. He had his index fingers pressed together against his lips in deep thought. “Okay, chief. Here’s what we do.” Mark sat up in his chair. “So Ma Beagle uses her sons as bodyguards all the time. So obviously they will be walking around, keeping guard. There are three of them and four of us. If one person is tasked to K.O one Beagle boy each, that leaves the remaining person to charge in and stop Ma Beagle-”

“What about Magica, genius?” Gyro snapped.

“Ummmmmm I was getting to that! As I was saying. Three people take out the Beagle Boys, while the fourth runs into the helm. Assuming that Ma Beagle and Magica are in the same room, the fourth person will kind of have to pull a John Wick here. But not for long! The Beagle Boys are pretty useless. As soon as each person K.O’s their boi, they run into the room to start fighting the ladies. I mean, we are outnumbering them once we get rid of her sons so I don’t see the reason as to why it needs to be any more complicated than that! We just charge in and go! Boom!” Mark did a fake mic drop to signal that he was done talking. He smirked and crossed his arms. “Any questions?”

Gyro sighed and put down his pen. “God. I can’t believe I’m saying this but you’re right. This situation doesn’t need to be over thought. Magica is weak without her powers and Ma Beagle is… Ma Beagle. Useless without her sons.”

“...so I can stab someone?” 

Gyro started to scribble down some bullet notes to summarize everything that Mark just said. “Ummmm… try to just knock them out if you can. We’ve done enough murder for one story.”

Ellie nodded her head but she was totally going to stab someone. 

Gloria added a small doodle next to her Ellie stabbing one of Mark punching Ma Beagle (again, dressed as if she was a bagel employee) in the tits. She smiled at her masterpiece and ripped it off the pad to show to the two of them. “Here is a visual interpretation of tonight’s scheme.”

“That is great, Gloria!” Ellie clasped her hands together. “You should frame it.” 

“Alright, Gyro,” Mark scoffed. “Since you’re the ‘leader’, who’s assigned who?”

“Excellent question! I was thinking Ellie would be assigned to Bouncer. I will take on Burger. And as for you and Gloria… I dunno. Fight it amongst yourselves to see who fights who. Keep in mind we will all be meeting back up to take on Ma Beagle and Magica together once we take care of our Beagle Boy.”

Mark shrugged and started picking at his teeth, not really giving a shit. He was waiting for Gloria to pick who she wanted to fight because he was too busy thinking about what he would Tweet about next. 

Gloria started doodling again. “I mean… I could take on Ma Beagle and Magica if I need to. It’s chill.”

Mark agreed. “Yeah, you do that. It hurts my eyes when I look at Ma Beagle. She’s pretty crusty. I mean, Magica is too but not on the same level, ya know?” 

“... and Big Time isn’t?” Gloria looked up at him with a raised brow.

“Touche, bitch. Touche.” 

“Do you think the Beagle Boys are just wandering around the ship at random?” Ellie asked. 

Gyro shook his head. “I don’t believe so. I feel like Ma Beagle would’ve given them strict orders to keep guard.” Gyro continued “but if the Beagle Boys are nowhere to be found, we will instead charge into the helm and take on Magica and Ma Beagle first and deal with them later. Our top priority is to make sure that they don’t sink the ship!”

“... well duh” Mark leaned back in his chair again.

Ellie stood up from her chair and grabbed the glass shard. “I will see you all soon.” She peaced the fuck out without saying anything else. 

“Wha- Hey, Ellie! You can’t leave! The notepads!” Gyro yelled out waving his notes in the air. Ellie ignored him and turned a corner. He sighed and dropped the notepad back on the table before gathering everybody’s notepads to pack up. “Okay yeah I guess there isn’t anything more to discuss.”

Mark sat up from the table “Yo can I like grab a burger or something before we head out. It’s 6:24 and that means that I’m one minute late for din-din.”

“Can’t you wait to eat until after we prevent the cruise from sinking?” 

Mark did pretend to think about it as common courtesy before shrugging and walking away to go eat. “Laterssssssss! Pew pew pew!”

“...God okay…” Sighing, Gyro stood up as well. “We should expect Mark to show up last.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Excuse me, sir.” Ellie tapped on a large man’s shoulder. She actually had no idea who Bouncer was so she just tapped on every dog’s shoulder she saw. This was her 55th guy. And no, she didn’t only tap a Beagle’s shoulder. Literally everyone who was a dog. “Do you happen to be a Beagle Boy known as Bouncer?” 

Bouncer turned around to look at Ellie. He was wearing, coincidentally enough, a matching family t-shirt that Ma Beagle made the boys all wear that literally addressed the fact that he was a Beagle Boy. “Yeah.”

“Wonderful! I have been looking for you for 28 minutes and 36 seconds.” She smiled brightly.

Bouncer gave her a confused look “Wait, do I know you?”

“Oh no, you do not. My apologies.” She took out the glass shard from her purse. “I just need to kill you is all.” 

It took Bouncer a minute to process that. “Oh…” He didn’t even have time to fight back before Ellie stabbed him in the throat in one swift motion. 

She started dragging his body away to throw him overboard. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Yoooooo, Big Time, my guyyyyyy!!! Pew pew pew!” Mark did finger guns at the small home boy. “How’s it going with the whole ‘taking over the cruise ship’ thing?” 

Ironically, he found a lot quicker than Gyro would have ever guessed. Mark scarfed down that burger, imagining it was his enemies on Twitter. 

Big Time spun around and gave Mark a pissed off look. “Hey! How do you know about that, pretty boy?!” Big Time shoved him but because of the height difference, he shoved his legs.

“Hey, watch the goods, bro! I work hard on my thighs!” He scoffed, wiping his pristine dad shorts to get the wrinkles out. “Um, your Ma and Magica told me about it, like, a week ago?” He lied. He did talk to them before but they basically told him to fuck off. 

Big Time stomped “WHAT?! YOU CAN’T KNOW THAT! THAT’S PRIVATE INFORMATION!” 

“Uhhhhhhhhh, why? I’m a fellow villain, dude. Chill.” 

Okay, sure. He was supposed to K.O. this dude, but it was pretty fucking fun to watch him get all angry. 

Big Time shoved him again “YOU AREN’T A PART OF THE PLAN NOW GET LOST BEFORE I KILL YOU!”

Mark didn’t even get pissed about his dad shorts getting wrinkled because of how idiotic that statement was. “You? Kill me? HAHAAAAAA OH MY GOD! PLEASEEEE!” He wiped an actual amused tear from his eye. “I’m Tweeting about this later.” 

Big Time had enough. He screamed bloody murder and punched on Mark and started slapping him. “I’M TELLIN’ MY MA THAT YOU’RE HERE!”

“OWWWWWW! I SAID HANDS OFF THE GOODS! I ALREADY GOT PUSHED OFF A BED TODAY! #NOTCOOL!” He stepped out of the way, causing Big Time to faceplant. “Anyway, I gotta, like, get rid of you or something? K.O.ing you is too much work sooo…” He picked him up by the back of the shirt. “You good being thrown overboard?” 

He tried swinging his whittle arms to deck Mark in the face but he couldn’t reach. “NO! LET ME GO!” He continued to squirm around to try to attack Mark but nothing worked.

“Wait, hold on.” Mark stopped right before dangling Big Time over the water. “Quick selfie, kay? Kay.” Mark puckered out his lips and took a selfie with Big Time, using snapchat filters so they looked pretty. Well, Big Time never looked pretty but whatever. “There! It’ll be a perfect memory! I’ll post it on my snapchat story so people think I have a bunch of friends on board.” That was the last thing he said before dropping Big Time over the edge. He took a video of him falling into the water before posting it to Instagram before posting. “Oh nooooooo!!! :( RIP Big Time! #gonebutnotforgotten”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro wrung his hands together. He did take part in the shadow war and all that jazz, but homie didn’t have his tech on him. “Hey, Burger? Beautiful sunset we have.” 

He wasn’t scared. Just irritated he had to use his big muscles instead of tools and his beloved sidekick, Manny. 

Burger looked up at him and didn’t say anything. His personality was as fun as sliced bread. He was currently sitting criss cross applesauce on the ground playing solitaire. 

Gyro groaned. “We have to fight so get up from your card game.” He rolled his eyes and waved his hands up. 

Ironic enough, Burger didn’t fight him on that. He sighed while getting up. He really didn’t want to fight. The dude just wanted to play card games but he knew that his mother would get on him if he wasn’t doing his job. He wanted to fight Gyro as soon as possible so he could go back to playing Solitaire. He charged at him. That little bastard could actually run quite fast but it was short lived due to his lack of vision with his shitty eyesight. He ran right into a light pole, knocking him out instantly.

“Oh. Okay.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria didn’t really know Ma Beagle or Magica and if they were a big threat or not. She assumed that they weren't but you never know. She figured the best way to start was just to walk in. Nothing fancy. No one has time for that.

“Heyyyyyy ladies! How’s it hangin’?”

Magica was passed out on the floor, totally wasted. Looked like she wasn’t going to be a threat. 

But Ma Beagle on the other hand was wide awake, she whipped her head around, the lovely captain hat almost falling off her head. But it didn’t because of how sticky her hair was from using so much old lady hairspray. She was pissed but didn’t seem threatened by Gloria in the least bit. “Who the FUCK are you?” 

“I’m your worst nightmare, bitch!” Gloria tried to sound tough but she ended up laughing at her own comment. “Okay, that was stupid. My bad.”

Ma Beagle leaned back against the wheel, turning it a bit by accident. “Are you here to fight me or something?” 

“Yeah if that’s fine with you, sis. I don’t have beef with you personally but I am not vibing with the fact that you want to pull a Titanic.”

“Alright.” Ma Beagle took off her purse that you know damn well had bricks in it. “Let’s go BITCH!” She started swinging it in circles like a crazy ass grandma and snarled, baring her teeth. Some drool started coming out and everything, ruining her lipstick. 

“Oh so we’re using weapons tonight! Got it!” Gloria pulled out her trusty pocket knife, ready to stab a bitch if needed. She was lucky in dodging Ma Beagle’s purse attack but she had to keep backing herself up in the corners to avoid getting slapped by it. She accidentally stepped on Magica’s hands a few times.

Ma Beagle didn’t even bother to avoid Magica, she just stepped on that bitches stomach while continuing to go at Gloria. It wasn’t so much of a fight as it was two women just walking in circles with weapons held against each other. “Get the HELL out of here you lily-livered, rotten sack of shit.” 

Gloria laughed. She had no idea what that meant but whatever. “It’s kind of hard to cut you considering how low to the ground you are. Do you think you could sit on a bar stool for me or something?” Gloria waved her knife around in Ma Beagle’s face to scare her.

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” Ma Beagle jumped up onto the control board and tackled Gloria. “The next thing coming out of your mouth is your nasty, oompa loompa, body ass, bloody ass, teeth!” She threw her brick purse toward Gloria’s head, missing over and over again by a hair. 

Okay now Gloria was mad! “The fuck did you call my teeth, bitch?! An Oompa Loompa?!   
You Motherfucker!” Gloria yeeted Ma Beagle off of her, causing her to drop her purse.

Ma Beagle, in turn, kicked Gloria in the shin.

“SON OF A BITCH!” She brought it up, hopping on one leg before accidentally dropping her pocket knife. 

Ma Beagle made an attempt to grab that shit but Magica turned her body in her sleep and smacked in across the goddamn room, along with the bag of bricks. That twig ass post-witch must’ve had some killer strength in her hands.

“GODDAMNIT!” Ma Beagle pounded her fist on the floor to lift herself off the ground. She turned to Gloria, continuing to snarl. She didn’t want to take her eyes off of her. 

“Ha! Not so tough now are ya?! Who’s the Oompa Loompa now?!”

“Clever comeback! Couldn’t even think of your own, huh? You’re the reason this country needs to put directions on shampoo!” 

“Oh you want to talk about how people need to read the directions of shampoo when your crusty ass hair is out here looking like that?! No ma’am, that is some crusty ass hair you have going on!”

Ma Beagle tripped back from the blow and coughed up some blood, almost falling. That insult hit so hard, it was like a punch to the gut. These insults were basically physical. “You’re saying that to me with your bed head ass walking around? Bitch, I can TELL you didn’t shower this morning with the smell going around the room!” 

Gloria grabbed onto her chest as if she couldn’t breath. “I know you’re not fucking coming after me like that when you’re out here walking around with those ugly ass Old Navy lookin’ ass skirt that looks like it hasn’t been washed since World War II! And, honey, don’t even get me started with the fact that you have probably never even heard of a condom before! Out here pushing out kids left and right as if you’re the last woman on earth! God damn! You big nose, gap tooth, ugly ass BITCH!”

Ma Beagle’s head swung to the side like she had just gotten slapped. She gasped and held onto her cheek and her angry bitch eyes bore into Gloria. “Some babies were dropped on their head but you were clearly thrown at a wall! Probably because your mother loved you as much as a fat kid loves celery!” 

Gloria stumbled back and gasped. “Oh so now we are bringing mothers into this?! Is that what we are fucking doing, bitch? Because I know damn well that your mom must’ve been hoeing around with the UGLIEST motherfuckers from the 16th century! If I was thrown against a wall, you were fucking bodyslammed!”

Falling to the ground, Ma Beagle crawled backward like she was trying to escape a tackle. But her horrid gaze remained. But an idea for a next insult came to mind and it was pretty damn explicit but homie wasn’t holding back. “At least I was passed down a tight, fine ass vagina! I have so many kids because I know how to make a man happy! I know your loose ass self can’t do shit in bed, WHORE! That’s the only reason why you got stuck with pathetically small dicked, virgin chicken!” 

Okay that was the last straw. Gloria became this being of pure feral rage. She charged at Ma Beagle, hoisting her up by her cardigan and slamming her into the wall. “ YOU FUCKING BITCH! DON’T YOU EVER CALL ME A WHORE AGAIN! AND YOU THINK YOU’RE SO CLEVER BRINGING GYRO INTO IT TOO, DON’T YOU!” Gloria slammed her against the wall again, Ma Beagle’s feet dangling off the floor. “THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU DID IS BECAUSE YOU KNEW THAT I COULDN’T ROAST YOUR MAN! AND WHO IS YOUR MAN EXACTLY? OH! THAT’S RIGHT! YOU DON’T HAVE ONE! HE FUCKED YOU OVER THE YEARS AND BOUNCED ONCE YOU HAD ALL OF YOUR DAMN KIDS!” Gloria threw her onto the floor and stepped back. “YOU’RE NOTHING!”

Blood dripped down Ma Beagle’s crusty ass locks. Her head must’ve cracked open after being slammed into the wall that hard. Damn. Gloria had killer strength when she needed it. 

“Oh goodness…” Ellie had entered the chat, blood covered glass shard in hand. She was very disturbed, not by the murder she just committed as we all know, but from that mega ROAST. Gloria tore into Ma Beagle. Damn. 

Gloria wiped the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand as she looked over at Ellie. “Hey…”

Ma Beagle was still crying on the floor.

“...should I stab her or something?” 

Gloria turned her attention back to Ma Beagle. “Sure. But don’t have her die just yet. She needs to suffer.” Her tone was very very dark.

Ellie smiled back. “Okay!” She walked over to a bawling, pathetic Ma Beagle and stabbed her in a major artery in the thigh. She left the shard of glass in so she wouldn’t bleed out that quickly. 

She turned back to Gloria and smiled. “There you go!” 

Gloria smiled “See? This is why we are such good friends! Ride or die, bitch! No one fucking mess with us!” She gave Ellie a much deserved high five.

“Indeed! We are best friends!” Her glare was dark, being high off of murder and everything. Her smirk was pretty sickening too but not to Gloria because she was just as happy to see Ma Bitch Beagle suffer.

Ellie’s face turned to a neutral one for a moment. “Also I am not a female dog. I do not understand why you use that term with everyone.” She pointed to Ma Beagle. “That is a female dog.” 

Gloria smiled and nodded to Ellie. “Yes, yes she is.”

Gyro and Mark walked in in unison for the plot. 

“WOAH! SICK!” Mark took a picture of the scene to add to his questionable folder he had on his Waddle laptop back at his headquarters… don’t ask.

Gyro’s beak hung open before he gulped and spoke up. “...what happened?” 

Gloria moved the hair out of her face and gestured to the room. “This is what happens when you fucking cross me and Ellie! That’s fucking what!” Gloria was still pretty angry if you couldn’t tell.

While Gyro continued to stand in shock, Ellie walked over and grabbed Magica’s hand to start dragging her. “I am going to go throw her overboard. I am sure you would love to have a few more words with Ms. Katherine alone, Gloria. She has about 5 minutes.” 

Gloria shook her hands. “No no you don’t have to throw Magica overboard. She was literally passed out the entire time. Bitch is beyond drunk! Plus she’s just a waitress now and in this house, we respect waitresses for having to put up with unfair hours and minimum wages with little to no tips!”

Ellie let go of Magica’s hand. “If you say so. But you should know this is not a house, it is a helm on a cruise ship.” She stated before taking Mark’s hand to drag him out. He was still smirking down at the bloody photo he just took. Dude had some sick secrets Ellie would probably be interested in.

“Um…” Gyro looked at Gloria and gulped. “I’ll leave too so you can talk to, uh, yeah.” He peaced the hell out too, but just to stand outside.

Gloria walked in front of Ma Beagle again and crossed her arms, looking down at her and the pile of blood she was laying in. “Damn… and I really said that I had no personal beef with you! I’m actually impressed with how quick you were able to make me despise you.” Gloria crouched down so she was more eye level with Ma Beagle. She was currently choking on her own blood. Gloria continued “I may actually miss shit talking with you. You’re one tough cookie.”

Ma Beagle shot Gloria a nasty look before spitting more blood on the floor. “Go to hell, bitch…”

Gloria smirked “Oh, I already know I’m going to hell, thank you.” Gloria pressed the glass shard deeper into Ma Beagle’s side, causing even more blood to pour out. She knew she only had minutes left. If that. “The problem is that I don’t want to see your ugly face down there when I arrive. So you better start praying now.” Gloria stood up again and wiped Ma Beagle’s blood off as best she could. Gloria started to walk out the door before stopping and taking one last look at Ma Beagle. “If you do end up in hell, however, be sure to give my love to Satan.” Gloria smiled and blew a kiss at her before leaving Ma Beagle to die.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“UGH! Why are we even here?!” Mark looked around the small, untasteful, commoner bar. He then laid his eyes on the hawaiin shirt wearing man on stage; not that he was one to judge because he was wearing a kick ass hawaiin shirt himself. He just personally thought he could rock it more. “I don’t even like Jimmy Buffett! Only old people do!” 

“You didn’t have to come.” Gyro snapped, but it was hard to hear him over all the screaming, drunk old people. “If you didn’t want a celebration for saving everyone on board you could’ve just went back to your suite to keep admiring that horrible photo you took.” 

“Actually. I got a kick ass video of Big Time falling into the ocean too, so…” He scowled before putting his Margarita down. “All I wanted was a margarita and this one is SHIT!” 

“Give me that!” Gloria snatched Mark’s margarita from him and took a sip. She made a disgusted look. “Yeah you’re right… You’ll want to try the Diablo Fire Margarita! Again, tell the bartender Gloria sent you.”

Gyro made somewhat of a face at that. He didn’t want Gloria drinking tonight but she deserved something after whatever the hell she went through will Ma Beagle. He didn’t question it and he wasn’t sure if she wanted to talk about it. Ever. The look in her eyes she had when she made eye contact with him was pretty...disturbing.

Mark rolled his eyes. “Yeah yeah. It’s not going to be good either way if it comes from this shit hole.” He gestured around the Margaritaville themed bar. It was an off brand bar based off of the restaurant. 

It was pretty off topic from the whole margarita conversation but Ellie pointed to Mark’s phone. “You should send me the gruesome photos you took. I would much enjoy looking at them in my freetime.” 

Mark had an imaginary light bulb go off over his head. “Oh duh! Why didn’t I know to show you my secret folder before?! I have murder and crime images that the government would not be too happy about if they they knew I had them. I’ll show you when we get home just remind me.” Mark is kind of a freak now just roll with it.

Ellie smiled and opened her mouth but before she could respond, Gyro interrupted.

“ANYWAY!” He held up his own Margarita. “Let’s have a toast shall we? To saving the ship!”

Gloria held up her glass as well but shook her head “Hell no! We are toasting to our lord and savior Jimmy Buffett!”

Ellie held up her hand since she didn’t have a cup. “I would rather not.” 

“I say we toast to not getting charged for murder.” Mark shrugged, finally holding up his own shitty Margarita. 

“God! I just wanted a toast! Make up your mind!” Gyro scoffed. “You know what? We’ll toast to all three of those things, okay?” 

“Here here!” Gloria clinked her glass with Gyro’s and Mark’s glasses, as well as Ellie’s hand, before chugging half of her margarita in one go. 

Gyro did the same. 

Mark slammed his Margarita on the table, some spilling onto the scratched wood, because of how disgusting it was.

And Ellie just kept her hand in the air not knowing what to do.

The four sat in silence as they listened to Jimmy Buffett’s soothing voice.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was a pretty rough night. Mark was right about the margarita being pretty bad. It wouldn’t surprise anyone if all of them (excluding Ellie) woke up from a nasty hangover.

Gloria was the first one to wake up. One of the first things that she noticed was that something was wrong. Very wrong, and no, it wasn’t the fact that she was hungover. The ground from under her was very hard and she could feel it moving as if she was on a water bed. This only caused Gloria to become more nauseous. 

When she finally had enough strength to open her eyes she noticed a clear blue sky. Her first thought being that she didn’t make it back to the room and passed out on the deck but that didn’t check out. If she was on the deck, why would she be rocking?

She stared at the sky for another minute before turning to her side to look around her surroundings.

Gyro, Ellie, Mark, and Boyd were still fast asleep around her, crowded together in a small lifeboat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	21. Stranded

“What the fuck?” 

Gloria’s instincts should have told her to scream, but she was still so groggy, especially with such a migraine. She pushed herself up to a sitting position, keeping her hand on her head as she looked around the small lifeboat and the ocean it floated upon. 

It looked to be late morning. Maybe 10 am? Gloria didn’t know times so fuck it. How she slept in so long without noticing that she wasn’t in bed was unknown to her. It wasn’t like anyone else woke up either so she kinda had an excuse. She would’ve guessed something was in that margarita if it wasn’t for the fact that literally everyone else was still asleep; most importantly Ellie who literally couldn’t drink so that gave away they weren’t drugged. Most likely… right?

You know what? This was probably a dream. They saved the cruise from sinking so this made no sense. 

Gloria pinched herself. It kinda hurt but not really. She did it again, but much harder, digging her nails into her skin. “FUCK!” She slapped a hand over her mouth. None of the others woke up which was good but, damn, now she was hella freaked out. Not only was she more awake, but now it dawned on her how fucked they were. 

She could scream, waking everyone up at once, but she was smart enough (debatably) to know that would invoke chaos from everyone and end up tipping the boat over. Instead, she turned to Gyro who was right beside her and nudged his arm. “Yo, Gyro. Wake up, bitch.” She whispered. 

He stirred a bit but that was it.

She nudged him harder. “Yoooooo, my dude, you should probably wake up.” 

He groaned. “What?” 

It was clear he was still half asleep and wasn’t fully aware Gloria was speaking to him quite yet. 

“We’re stranded.”

“Okay.” Gyro yawned before curling himself up more into a bawl. He tried to pull up a blanket but when his hand grasped at nothing but air, he actually sat up and gave Gloria a peaved look. “What did I say about sharing the blanket?” 

Gloria rolled her eyes before gesturing wildly around her. 

Rubbing his eyes and adjusting his glasses, Gyro finally picked up what she was laying down in front of him. He opened his mouth, obviously about to scream, when Gloria clamped his beak shut. 

“Don’t you dare.” She whispered; pretty aggressively at that. Homegirl was cranky as hell with the migraine she had going on. “I know you don’t want the others to wake up and start screaming either.” She slowly let go of his beak before pointing a thumb toward Mark and the fam. 

Gyro gulped. “W-what happened?”

“How the hell would I know, dude? Who do I look like? Picasso?”

“Pica- do you mean Einstein?”

“Whatever. Same thing.” 

“It isn’t really.”

Gloria scoffed. Her mood was lightening a bit but she still wasn’t happy to be stranded in the ocean for unknown reasons, which is understandable. “Are we going to argue about how Picasso and Einstein are the same person or are we going to figure out what’s going on? My brain hurts too much to think.”

Gyro ignored that horrid statement that would haunt him and focused on his own migraine for a moment. 

“Now that you say it…” Gyro rubbed his eyes again, but a lot harder like he was trying to rub his brain. “Mine does too. I’ve gotten hangovers before... but, my goodness.” 

“Fuuuuuckkkkk… do you think we were drugged?”

“Maybe?” He started looking around at the ocean too. He was remaining calm but he felt like he was going to shit himself. Figuratively and literally because that margarita was indeed shit. “Doesn’t explain why Ellie and Boyd aren’t awake but… I think we were. There’s no way I would have this bad of a migraine. I only had half of one margarita and that was it!” His voice rose for a second before he brought it back down, again, not wanting to disturb the others. “Oh my god. What if Magica was pissed Ma Beagle was killed and put us on the lifeboat in our sleep?”

“What? You think homegirl would do that?”

“Homegirl?”

“Yeah. She’s chill as fuck and a fellow drunkyard. I can’t doubt my fellow drunks like that.” Gloria laughed like that was a killer joke. It wasn’t. It wasn’t even a joke to begin with. What an idiot. “Plus you know she’s too lazy to do anything like that. You think she would get pissed enough to seek revenge? Please.”

“You’re right… shit…” He scooted more toward the middle of the lifeboat, getting a bit freaked out being so close to the edge. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m already out of theories. All our enemies on the ship are either dead or Magica and Burger.”

“Is Burger threatening?”

That question didn’t need to be asked, but keep in mind Gloria had no idea who Burger was, what he looked like rather, and had no idea he was a scrawny wimp. A scrawnier and wimpier wimp than Gyro. 

Gyro laughed. “Absolutely not. I don’t think he even knows how to talk.” 

“Welp.” Gloria shrugged before laying back down. She still kept her hand on her forehead. “I’m going back to sleep. Feel free to join.” 

“Excuse me?!”

“Don’t get snippy. Chill out.”

“You can’t just go back to sleep!” His voice was rising and Gloria was getting a bit concerned that Mark and the others were going to wake up. At this point, she didn’t care enough to shut Gyro up. If they woke up and tipped over the boat in a state of panic, that was on him, not her. “This was supposed to be our vacation and now we’re stranded! AND we’re probably going to die! This is just FANTASTIC!” 

He threw his arms in the air to emphasize his point and his anger. Although he had an entire conversation with Gloria, it was starting to dawn on him as well how fucked they were now that the talking was coming to an end and he didn’t want it to because Gloria needed to help figure something out. She wasn’t good at that, which Gyro knew, but whatever, 

Gloria sighed but didn’t sit back up. “My brain hurts too much!” She whined like a child, sounding horrifyingly like Mark for a scary moment. “Listen dude. This sucks but think about it. We survived Agartha, actually that was me, but we survived a dictator and a death camp. I bet we can survive this no problem.” 

“How?! This is a totally different situation! We can’t escape or hide! We can’t fight our way out of here! We have no food or water either!”

“Shit…” Gloria didn’t want to admit he had a point, but he did. “Man. We really are fucked over this time. Goddamnit. All I wanted was some more Edible Goldfish and to see my girl Crystal again! Maybe strip for a little bit with her for a second round!”

“NO! WHERE’S MY PHONE!? NO, GOD, PLEASE NO! NOOOOOOOO!” 

Gyro jumped but Gloria didn’t. She expected this so she steadily pushed herself up again to look over at none other than Mark Beaks. 

“THAT’S YOUR MAIN CONCERN HERE?!” Gyro snapped back.

“UMMM, YEAH?! SHOULD I BE CONCERNED BY ANYTHING ELSE?!”

Gyro did a strangling motion mid air toward Mark. “YEAH! THE FACT WE’RE STRANDED!”

“SHUT UP, WE’RE NOT-” He frowned and looked around for a moment. “Oh…”

“YEAH!”

“WELL SHIT! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP MYSELF ENTERTAINED OUT HERE?!”

“IT WOULDN’T MATTER BECAUSE THERE WOULDN’T BE WIFI OUT HERE EITHER!”

Mark nearly passed out. “FUCK!” 

Before Gyro could yell again, a very angry twig ass Mark tackled him.

Gloria let out a scream as the lifeboat rocked violently. It didn’t tip but still. Goddamn.

“YOU GOT US STRANDED, DIDN’T YOU, DR. FUCKFACE?”

Gyro started squawking like a little pussy. Something Gloria hadn’t heard before because usually he just screamed like a little girl. Huh. Guess there was still more to him.

Gyro could barely breathe with Mark’s hands strangling him. “HOW- HOW WOULD I MANAGE TO GET EVERYONE ON HERE TO BEGIN WITH?! WHY WOULD I EVEN DO THAT?!”

Mark let go and groaned, throwing his head back. “UGHHHH! GREAT! NOW I’M STUCK WITH YOU FUCKERS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN WITH NO PHONE AND NO FOOD FOR ME TO STRESS EAT! AND MY HEAD HURTS TOO! AND MY BACCKKKK! #UNCOOL!” He reached toward his pajama pocket. “SHIT, I CAN’T TWEET ABOUT IT!” 

He scooted back over to “his side” of the lifeboat and puckered out his bottom lip to pout. “This is unbelievable. Right Ellie?” He nudged her. She was still passed the fuck out along with Boyd. “Ellie?” 

There was a moment of silence.

“Elllllieeeeeee? Girl, you good?” 

Before anyone had time to panic or try to wake up Ellie and/or Boyd again, the boat started rocking.

Everyone screamed, but Mark the loudest, before Glomgold peaked his head out from the side of the boat, crawling in all wet with a fish in his mouth. And yes, he was still only wearing a bra and underwear.

“WASSUP BITCHESSSSSSSSS?!!!!” 

Gloria was the first to respond. “GLOMGOLD WHAT THE FUCK?!” 

“WOT?!”

“GOD!” She nearly punched him but bawled her fists to keep her shit together. Beating someone up on a boat would probably knock it over. She wasn’t going to pull a stupid move like Mark. “WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THIS?!”

“WOT?!” He dropped the fish onto the floor and scuttled around it, protecting it, as he continued yelling. “HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS MEH!?”

“WHO ELSE WOULD IT FUCKING BE?!” Gyro shouted back. “NOW ANSWER GLORIA’S QUESTION! WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUT US IN A GODDAMN LIFEBOAT?!” 

“BECAUSEEEEEEEEEE I WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH MEH FAMILY AND YOU WOULDN’T OTHERWISE SO I CAME UP WITH A SCHEME BECAUSE I AM FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD! MUAHAHAHAHHA! AND NOW YOU HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH MEH!” 

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” It didn’t matter who said that in turn because everyone was thinking it. 

“YOU GUYS SHOULD BE HAPPEH BECAUSE YOU LOVE MEH!”

Mark scoffed and threw his head back again. “LIKE HELL WE DO YOU FAT BASTARD! NOT BRINGING MY PHONE WAS THE LAST STRAW!” 

“WO-”

Gloria interrupted his “wot” statement. “DID YOU DRUG US?!”

“YEAH! HOW ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO GET YOU ON THE LIFEBOAT?!”

“BUT YOU’RE WEAK AS SHIT!”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” 

Gloria thought for a second before yelling- or not yelling back. “...Glomgold…”

“WOT, GLADIS?!”

“If you drugged us… then what did you do to Ellie and Boyd?”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!?”

“WHAT DID YOU FUCKING DO?!”

Glomgold scuttled in an angry little circle, kicking the fish he brought on board toward Gloria, but it was only kicked forward by a few centimeters because of how weak Glomgold was, making it even more questionable how he got everyone on the lifeboat. “I TOOK DR. FUCKFACE’S TOOLS AND HACKED INTO THEIR SYSTEMS TO SHUT THEM DOWN FOR A FEW DAYS! I KNOW ROBO-BABEH AND ROBO-GRANDSON WOULD FLIP OUT ON WATER!” 

To be fair, despite the fucked up reasoning behind it, that was pretty smart. But that didn’t stop Gyro from screaming. “WHAT?! HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE TO DO THAT?! YOU HAVE THE IQ OF A COCKROACH! LITERALLY!”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!”

Now that peeved Mark off. “WHO AM I SUPPOSED TO RANT TO FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS?! FUCK YOU!”

“FUCK YOU TOO!” Glomgold spat at him.

“EWWWW! MY PJ’S ARE GUCCI! KEEP YOUR NASTY ASS SPIT TO YOURSELF!” 

“NOOOOO!” Glomgold started cockroach crawling around the lifeboat’s sides. 

Gloria yanked at the back of his bra, or her bra, to stop him. She gritted her teeth together. “You little shit. You thought forcing us to be with you would get us to actually like you or something? We may be trapped with you but I’ll be damned if any of us actually start acting we’re your goddamn family. We are going to make your life on this lifeboat a living hell until we all die here. And this time, you’re dying too.”

“LET MEH GO!” He stretched his non-existent neck in a 180 degree motion, biting Gloria’s hand.

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Before anyone could say anything more, Glomgold scrambled over the boat, probably to hang on the bottom of it for a little while until his “family” calmed down. 

Gloria, Gyro, and Mark sat in silence for a good few moments in pure confusion, when really they shouldn’t be confused by his actions at this point, before looking between one another. 

“So, like, what do we do now? I can’t Tweet soooo…”

“This may sound like a stupid question, but have we checked to see if there is an emergency kit on board? I thought all lifeboats were supposed to have one?” Gloria didn’t actually know if that was true or not. She saw it happen one time in a movie and just assumed it was fact.

Glomgold scuttled on board with 5 more fish in his mouth. They were stuffed in his cheeks like a chipmunk before he barfed them up everywhere. 

He turned to Gladis. “Oh...I see….” Yes, he could hear everything from under water. “There WAS but I threw it overboard.” 

Gloria shoved him “Why the fuck would you do that?!”

“DON’T TOUCH MEH WITH YOUR FILTHY GIRL HANDS! COOOOTIEEEES!” He started rolling on the floor in the pile of fish. “I THREW IT OVERBOARD BECAUSE THEN YOOH WOULD TRY TO GET AWAY FROM MEH! WE’RE A FAMILEH AND NEED TO STICK TOGETHER!” 

“OR I COULD TEAM UP WITH MARK AND GYRO AND WE ALL MURDER YOU! How is THAT for sticking together?!”

“OI! DON’T YOOH THREATEN ME, GLADIS!” He cockroach crawled up to her, spit in her face, and then scuttled overboard again to cling onto the bottom of the boat.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

3 Hours Later:

Mark was sprawled out in the middle of the lifeboat. It was currently taken over by Glomgold’s fish but he forced Gloria to kick it to the side for him. Why she obliged is up to you to imagine. 

“OH MY GODDDDDD! IT’S SO HOT! I’M GOING TO DIEEEE!” He paused. “OMG NO! I’M TOO HOT TO DIE! BOTH IN TEMPERATURE AND IN GOOD LOOKS! THIS ISN’T FAIRRRRRRR!” 

Both Gloria and Gyro were ignoring him as per usual.  
Gyro looked over to her, but she couldn’t see his eyes. His glasses were all fogged up from the humidity so he just looked fucking stupid. “It’s so hot outside, perhaps we should cut open some of the fish and attempt to cook them on deck. As much as I despise Glomgold, at least he’s providing food. Even if it’s unintentional. AND there is freshwater contained in the meat.” He crossed his arms like he was the smartest bitch on earth. 

Gloria handed Gyro her pocket knife. “If you want to gut a fish then be my guest.”

“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HELP ME?! I THOUGHT THIS WAS A TEAM EFFORT!”

Man, if m’ma was on board, she would whip his ass. 

“Uh, I am helping you! I just gave you my knife! How else were you planning on cutting a damn fish open?”

Gyro scoffed, grabbing one of the fish delicacies before stopping. He turned back to Gloria. “Ummm… can you do it? My pajamas are from Banana Republic.” 

This motherfucker. Gloria sighed and took her pocket knife back. “I thought this was a team effort.” She mocked. Gloria grabbed the closest fish she could find and started to dissect it like it was a frog in a middle school classroom. It was pretty gross.

Mark spoke up again, much to everyone’s dismay. “Can you guys quiet down? If we’re stranded I atleast want to sunbathe in peace. It’s bad enough you guys have been banging the sides of the boat for the past 20 damn minutes. Duck Jesus.” 

Gyro and Gloria looked at one another before Gloria turned her attention to Mark. “None of us have been banging the side of the boat. It’s probably the waves hitting it, genius.”

“Don’t snap at me!” 

Glomgold entered the chat. “OI! ME SHARK DADDEH WANTS TO EAT US!” He pointed toward the water, the water that was hitting the sides of the boat. “WOT A BITCH! I THOUGHT HE LOVED MEH!” 

“Your what?” Gloria stood up to see what he was talking about and yep, sure enough, there were shark fins circling the boat. Of course there were sharks now. Why wouldn’t there be? It was the lake at Camp Godgold all over again.

Gyro screamed. “NO! NO ABSOLUTELY NOT!” He shot a death glare toward Glomgold. It wasn’t visible because of his fogged up Banana Republic glasses. “IT’S YOUR SHARK ‘FAMILEH’ SO GET RID OF THEM! WE ARE NOT DYING OUT HERE BECAUSE OF YOU!”

“STOP YELLIN’ AT MEH, DR. FUCKFACE!” He spat in Gyro’s face now. Everyone was getting spit at, damn. And it didn’t help that his breath smelled like fish after carrying them around in his mouth. “FINE! I’LL KILL THE DADDEH AS A WARNING!”

“THEN DO IT AND STOP YELLING!”

You thought Gyro said that? Nope, it was Mark. He grabbed Glomgold by the back of the bra, just like Gloria had, and threw him overboard.

“GOD!” He layed back down to continue sunbathing. “They better eat him, I swear.” 

The sharks didn’t eat Glomgold. He killed them all with no problems and the dead shark carcusses started to circle the boat. They feasted on shark fins once Glomgold emerged victorious against the shark daddeh.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Day 3: 

“OI! WHO ATE THE LAST SHARK FIN?! IT WAS MINE! I CLAIMED IT WITH MEH URINE AND EVERYTHING!” 

“YOU WHAT?!” Mark started wiping at his tongue and crying. No tears shed because of how dehydrated they all wore but whatever. “GOD! NOW MY BREATH IS GOING TO SMELL LIKE URINE AND FISH!” He wasn’t done ranting. Homie kept going. “I HAVEN’T HAD A SINGLE CUP OF COFFEE! I HAVEN’T TWEETED OR GOTTEN TO SHOWER OR USE MY HAIR PRODUCTS! MY FIGURE IS BEING RUINED BY ALL THIS DAMN FISH!” He gestured to his stomach. “OH MY GOD! YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO SEE MY RIBS SOON! I CAN’T POST PICTURES OF MYSELF LIKE THIS ON INSTAGRAM ONCE I FIND OUT A PHONE STORE OUT HERE!”

Gloria has gotten used to blocking out Mark whenever he goes on his rants but it reminded her of something. “I just realized this. But it may actually be good that you’re here with us, Mark. You have so many followers and it’s been a while since you last posted. I’m sure people are starting to worry.”

That only made Mark more upset. “NO! MY FOLLOWERS ARE SHIT PEOPLE! DO YOU REMEMBER THEM LOOKING FOR ME WHEN WE WERE AT CAMP GODGOLD FOR A FEW MONTHS UNTIL I GOT ANOTHER PHONE! BECAUSE I DON’T! NOT EVEN JEFFREE STAR CONTACTED ME!” 

“Oooooohhhh yeahhhh. Sorry. For a minute there I guess I forgot how shit of a person you are. My apologies. Won’t happen again.”

“FUCK YOU, GLORIA! THE BABES THAT FOLLOW ME ARE WAY HOTTER THAN YOU! SO, LIKE, DON’T EVEN!” He threw out his hand all petty like before looking at his nails. “GOD! I NEED A PEDI TOO!” 

“God! What does that have to do with ANYTHING?!”

“FUCK OFF!” 

Gyro had enough. “CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP”! I’M THIS CLOSE TO JUMPING OVERBOARD MYSELF TO GET SOME PEACE AND QUIET!” He pointed to where Glomgold should’ve been. “LOOK! EVEN GLOMGOLD GOT SO ANNOYED HE’S CLINGING TO THE BOTTOM OF THE BOAT AGAIN! YOU KNOW IT’S BAD IF HE LEFT!” 

“PERFECT! YOU’LL BE DOING ME A HUGE SOLID IF YOU DO!” Mark started screaming at him now. He was chill for the first few days but you only have so many good vibes until you start to lose it.

“ARE YOU TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT WITH ME?!” The ocean was starting to drive Gyro a little wack too. “MAYBE YOU CAN BE THE ONE TO GO OVERBOARD!” 

Mark stood up to get in Gyro’s face “IF IT’S YOU WE’RE TALKING ABOUT, THEN THERE WOULDN’T BE SO MUCH OF A FIGHT!”

Gyro screamed before tackling Mark to the ground, straight into the pile of fish. Keep in mind this lifeboat was hella small so now it was rocking like crazy. 

“NOT DOING SO HOT NOW ARE YOU!?” Gyro was scratching at his face. In fact, he drew some blood. 

Mark kept kicking at Gyro to get away from him but it only caused the boat to rock more. The slimy fish under him wasn’t helping either. He was both angry and disgusted. 

Gloria tried to break it up as best as she could but she also didn’t want to be caught in the crossfire. “BOTH OF YOU! STOP IT! THIS ISN’T HELPING!”

“I DREW BLOOD! I’M CLOSE TO KILLING HIM!” Gyro wasn’t close at all, but he was convinced he was and continued to fuck up Mark’s face. “GOOD THING YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR PHONE BECAUSE YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO TAKE SELFIES FOR A WHILE!” 

Mark screamed, grabbed a dead fish from the pile, and smacked Gyro with it right across his face.

That actually managed to get Gyro off of him, he fell over, frantically wiping the fish slime off of his face. Trying to, at least.

No one had noticed yet but Ellie was now fully conscious, scrunched up in the corner of the boat and holding an unconscious Boyd like her life depended on it as she watched the scene go down. 

All the screaming about killing each other is what finally managed to wake her up after 3 fucking days. 

Mark stood up and wiped his face, but it only smeared some of his blood across his complexion, making him appear even worse. “Yeah that’s what I thought, bitch!” He was trying to act like he was a gangster or something idk. 

Gyro coughed and got into his knees, before grabbing onto the sides and throwing his head overboard into the water in an attempt to get some of the slime off. Don’t worry, his Banana Republic glasses managed to stay on. He shot back up and started coughing up seawater.

“What- what is going on?” Ellie finally whimpered out. 

Mark gasped and immediately jumped onto Ellie, hugging her and Boyd. “THANK GOD YOU FINALLY WOKE UP! I HAVE HAD NO ONE TO VENT MY PROBLEMS TOO!” 

Ellie shoved him off of her before clinging onto Boyd again. She started sobbing immediately and screaming in hysteria. “WHY ARE WE- WHY ARE WE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN?” 

Mark screamed back “YOU CAN THANK GLOMGOLD FOR THAT ONE! HE, LIKE, DRUGGED US OR SOMETHING AND NOW WE’RE STUCK HERE!” He said while waving his hands around like a madman.

Continuing to sob, Ellie closed her eyes and scrunched up into a ball over Boyd. “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?!”

“I’M NOT YELLING AT YOU, I’M YELLING OVER THE WHOLE SITUATION! WE’VE BEEN STRANDED FOR 3 DAYS AND THE ONLY REASON WHY WE’RE ALIVE IS BECAUSE GLOMGOLD IS CATCHING NASTY ASS FISH FROM THE- BIG WATER- PLACE!”

Ellie, though having just woken up, was in too much shock to process what Mark was saying or understand what was going on. All she knew is they were in a lifeboat and she was going to possibly shut down permanently with Boyd in her arms. She couldn’t handle being yelled at, even if it wasn’t at her specifically. “STOP YELLING AT ME!” She cried. And, after picking up organic gestures and habits over time, started hyperventilating despite not physically needing air. 

“Wha- no Ellie don’t do that! C’mon! It’s okay! I mean I don’t have my phone but you’re fine, right!?” Mark sat beside her and took her into his arms.

Ellie still had no idea what was going on and couldn’t think.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Day 7:

To give you the lay down on everyone, Mark now had his ribs showing and blood all over his face while he tweeted on an invisible Waddle phone, Gloria wanted to kill everyone because there was no cocaine or margaritas to be found and she was having withdrawls, Gyro was talking to the dead fish and gave them all names, he told himself that if he had his lab equipment at hand, he could pull a Frankenstein and have an army of undead fish that would definitely not turn evil. Ellie hadn’t moved from her corner and hadn’t stopped crying. She refused to talk to anyone. Glomgold did rain dances in the middle of the boat. He used the blood from the fish and Mark’s face as ceremonial paint for his rain dances. And, finally, Boyd was still shut down in his mom’s arms. 

Ellie had started rocking back and forth as she ran her hands through Boyd’s hair and looked down at him. “Is he- is he never going to wake up?” She choked. 

Glomgold, still doing his raindance, looked over at her. “WOT?! WOT YOOH SAY?!” He blinked slowly, one eye at a time. It took him a minute to come back into reality from how focused he was dancing.

Ellie started sobbing harder but it wasn’t noticeable because she had been sobbing non stop for literal days. “You- you killed him…” 

Gyro looked over at her, but he wasn’t the one to speak, the “dead fish” was. “GLOMGOLD IS A MURDERER!????” He made the fish walk around on its bottom fins. 

Glomgold blinked slowly again. “Hmmm… I don’t think I killed anyone today?” He tapped his foot, trying to think.

Gyro, snapped back into reality (debatably) for a moment and threw the fish at Glomgold. “YOU KILLED BOYD! DIDN’T YOU? YOU MUST’VE SHUT HIM DOWN PERMANENTLY!” 

Gyro crawled over to Boyd and touched his face. His face scrunched up into one of disbelief, grief, and fatherly concern. “Boyd? Boyd, wake up!” 

Ellie swatted Gyro’s hand away. “DO NOT TOUCH HIM!”

Hearing the two of them yell about Boyd started to make Gloria cry herself. She was still plotting some muder ideas for Glomgold and Mark but she too came back into reality to see the issue at hand. She was getting too weak to even move so there wasn’t much she could do except watch helplessly.

Glomgold bent down and ate the fish Gyro just threw at him in one gulp. “Oh… so… is he dead then?” Glomgold stepped closer to see for himself.

Mark started laughing deliriously as he started typing on his “Phone”, still not being self aware at all. “OMG! I’m going to get so many pity followers now.” 

Gyro shoved Glomgold back. “GET AWAY!” 

Glomgold stumbled back only for him to walk back to where he was standing. He blinked one more time before snatching Boyd by the ankle from under Ellie. He laughed maniacally and carried him to the other side of the ship, seconds away from tossing him overboard. “MORE FOOD FOR MEH SHARK BABEHIES!”

Ellie, who hadn’t moved in days, wasn’t used to doing that so all she could do was grab onto his ankles and scream. “LET HIM GO!” 

Gyro was next to start crying and his blood covered nails attempted to scratch at Glomgold. But Glomgold just spit at him, and Gyro, being so out of it, actually believed it hurt and fell over.

Mark finally noticed something bad was going down and looked over. “WHAT THE FUCK?! GLOMGOLD, PUT HIM DOWN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? HE’S JUST A KID! STOP!” 

Gloria was also yelling the same things Mark was.

Mark tried to get up but, being an idiot, he tripped over the fish bones and face planted.

Glomgold was still laughing, and he was about to yeet poor Boyd overboard until he noticed a color besides blue over the horizon. His cockroach brain registered that it had to have been land! Either land or a very weird booger in his eye. “EVERYONE SHUT THE FOOK UP! I SEE LAND!” He threw Boyd at Ellie so hard it knocked her out and she shut down again. 

Gyro wiped the foggy steam from his glasses. “Oh… oh my god…” 

Glomgold hopped down and tugged on Gyro’s Banana Republic shirt. “YOOH SEE IT TOO?!”

Gyro’s throat was so dry he could barely speak. Especially after yelling so he just nodded in return. 

Glomgold made a very Scottish grunt as a reply before going back to lay in the pile of fish. 

The current was taking them straight to land. 

Boyd yawned and sat up, rubbing his eyes like he just had a good nap. He looked around for a second at all the crazy people around him before looking at what they were all looking at. He didn’t even question why they were in a lifeboat. “Cool! An island!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	22. Island "Paradise" (Part 1)

“POSH HARDER, BITCHES!!!! LAND AHEAD! OIIIII!” 

“Posh isn’t even the right word, dumbass!” Gloria couldn’t even yell in all caps because of how sore and dehydrated her throat was. 

They were still a fair way from the island but the current that WAS pushing them toward it suddenly changed and was attempting to push them back out again. The tides had shifted when the sun had started the set. The sky was dusted with pink and pretty as hell, especially with the island in the distance, but no one could appreciate it for what it was with the situation that was going on. 

Except Boyd. He didn’t really understand what was going on. No one explained anything to him yet. He figured they were stranded but for all he knew, this was some weird part of the vacation? Based on how freaked out everyone was… probably not. But he enjoyed the sunset anyway and wished he had his Junior Woodchuck disposable camera so he could capture its beauty. 

Gyro and Gloria were the two that got stuck pushing the boat. Glomgold wasn’t helping for obvious reasons. He was Glomgold after all. And Mark wasn’t helping because Mark was a little bitch and would rather die than step foot in the water. He claimed it would ruin his Gucci pajamas and he was not having that. 

Gyro and Gloria could thankfully feel the sandy ground now, but the water was up to their necks and the waves pushed them under every so often. The fact they were low on nutrients didn’t make the task any easier. 

“Almost there-” 

Whatever else Gyro was trying to say was cut off when a large wave hit him and Gloria from behind. 

The tides that were trying to push them back out were now countered by the waves trying to push them back in. Now they were in an awkward area where the boat wasn’t being pushed either way, but it still managed to make it easier on both Gloria and Gyro. 

“Mark, can you help out at all? Seriously?!”

Mark peaked his head overboard to look down at Gloria. “Yeah, ummmm, no.” 

She spit sea water in his face and he bolted back so she couldn’t see his face anymore.

“GOD WHAT THE FUCK! YOU ALMOST GOT MY GUCCI PAJAMAS!”

“STOP YER YELLING!”

“SHUT UP, G-GOLD! NO ONE FUCKING LIKES YOU!” 

Boyd covered his ears from the language. He should be used to it by now but he wasn’t. 

Glomgold spun around and started scuttling around the boat like a cockroach in anger. He still had tribal paintings on his face, from fish and Mark’s blood, to continue rain dances when they reached the island. That was his 10/10 plan that would definitely work. Plus Glomgold never showered so it would be a fun little game to see how long the face paint would stay on.

“POSH FASTER!”

That reminded Mark of a Friends quote so he started chanting “PIVOT” like the bastard he was. No one was paying attention to him so who cares.

Gloria scoffed, but she ended up just gagging up sea water. “We can’t! Do it your damn self, Glomgold!” 

“Oh… I see…” He scratched his beard before taking off his bra and throwing it. “HOLD THIS ROBO-GRANDCHILD!” 

“Wha-”

What was once Gloria’s bra smacked him in the face before he could even attempt to grab it. 

Glomgold shoved both Gloria and Gyro out of the way. “MOVE!”

Gyro screamed like a little girl before getting his shit together. “At least let us hold onto the boat!”

“NO! FUCK YOOH!” Glomgold held onto the back of the boat and his little stubby legs twisted into a motor like you would see in a Looney Toons cartoon. He steered the boat forward at top speed, screaming scottish curses while doing so. When I say fast, I mean fast, this bitch was pushing the boat at 50 miles per hour. Why he didn’t do this sooner was unknown but it made everyone else even more pissed off.

And yes, he did leave Gloria and Gyro behind in the water. 

Gyro practically started sobbing. “God! I just wanted a vacation!” He turned to Gloria. “How the hell are we going to make it to shore now?!” 

“... we swim.”

“NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT I MEAN!” He screamed at her like the little fucker he was. It wasn’t an excuse but he was still a bit unstable from the boat ride. Being stranded for a week and all. Gloria was doing better than him to be honest. She was a badass. “I mean we’re weak and malnourished! It’s going to be extremely difficult on our bodies!” 

“You’re thinking too hard, man. Look, just lay on your back like this.” Gloria demonstrated by laying on top of the water on her back with her limbs spread out to help keep her afloat. “And just let the ride take us to shore.” 

“But the current-” Gyro cut himself off. “You know what. Fine.” He did the same and the waves started pushing him down but he dealt with it to keep Gloria happy. 

It took a good half hour, hell, maybe even an hour before they made it to shore. Glomgold had pushed the boat all the way onto the beach. I mean all the way. It clearly had been slammed into a tree and left a dent in the wood. 

Boyd had been kind enough to start a fire with his laser eyes so they had warmth for the night but Glomgold ended up pushing him out of the way to start his rain dances. 

He sighed, kicking the sand like the now sad child he was before walking over to Gloria and Gyro who were crawling onto the beach. “Are- are you two okay?” He was sniffling to himself after Glomgold literally just pushed him down to do rituals. 

Just like back on the island, Gloria’s face was flat on the ground but she did a “Surf’s up” gesture to show that she was vibin and alive.

Gyro, on the other hand, actually pushed himself up and coughed up some sand. “Yeah. We’re fine. Just a bit mad at your uncle is all.” Even though he was wet and nasty, he brought Boyd into a hug. “I’m just glad you’re alive.” 

Boyd laughed a little at that. “Why would I be dead, Dr. Dad?”

Gyro didn’t feel like explaining that Glomgold literally hacked into his system with no issues after Gyro literally spent years studying how to do that. In response, he just shrugged. He countered Boyd’s question with another. “Where’s your other dad?” He didn’t need to ask where Ellie was because after how hard Glomgold threw Boyd at her, she probably would be out cold for a while. 

Boyd pointed toward the boat. “He’s laying in the boat. I tried to talk to him but he just kept complaining how his complexion is ruined and that he doesn’t have his Waddle Phone.”

Before Gyro could make a snarky remark about how much of an asshole Mark was, Boyd scanned him like the little robo-child he was. 

“I need to find food for you guys before the sun sets completely! And water!” He looked back at where his shit excuse of a father was. “Dad probably is in no better condition.” 

Gloria lifted her face from the sand. “Do you think they have veggie burgers around here? I like me some beans mixed with mayo on a sick bun.” She was joking obviously but it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Giving her a confused look, Boyd pointed to the jungle behind him. “I scanned the area. I cannot find any civilization for miles.”

“WE’RE STRANDED BY A JUNGLE?!” Gyro almost passed out.

Boyd frowned. He knew why his Dr. Dad was so concerned. The jungle was a pretty dangerous place. “Sadly, yes. The whole island is abandoned. In fact, no intelligent organic life has ever settled here.”

“Well, this is just great.” Gyro got up to dust some sand off of himself before proceeding to hold out his hand for Gloria to take. Whether she took up his offer or wanted to continue laying in the sand was up to her. 

Gloria took his hand and dusted herself off as well. She’s gotten used to just laying face down in dirt so she may just do it again later. I dunno she’s weird.

“You guys can rest while I go find food and water! I’m a Junior Woodchuck after all!”

“Woah woah woah.” Gyro waved his hands in a definite ‘no’ motion. “You want to go into the jungle by yourself?!”

Boyd nodded. “I don’t see the issue.” 

“An animal could attack you!” 

“Why would they? I’m not an organic lifeform.”

“I know but animals don’t know that. They’re going to see a moving figure and tackle you.”

“...oh.” Boyd frowned. “But how else am I supposed to get you food? It’s possible that if you don’t get nutrients before falling asleep it could be fatal! Your organs may just shut down!” 

Gyro looked at Gloria for an answer. He honestly had no idea what to say. Boyd had a good point but his life would be put in danger. 

“Well, wouldn’t the chances of us finding food be greater if all of us searched together?”

Boyd’s face lit up. “Yeah! That sounds like a great idea!” He paused before looking up at the sky. “But we only have an hour before the sky goes pitch black so we need to hurry.” 

“Alright…” Gyro continued to dust more sand off of his Banana Republic pajamas. “I guess we shouldn’t waste any more time then.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“OI! ROBO-BABEH! WAKE THE FUCK UP AND MAKE ME DINNER!” Glomgold started poking Ellie in the face with a stick. After a few pokes Mark was observant enough to push the stick out of her face for her but that really didn’t stop Glomgold. 

“Go eat sand or something!” Mark pushed the stick out of Ellie’s face for the sixth time.

Glomgold blinked slowly at him before looking down at the sand, drooling. He made a very happy Scottish grunt before lunging into the sand, swallowing mouthfuls at a time. 

While Glomgold was doing… that, Ellie groggily opened her eyes. No, it wasn’t because Glomgold poked her in the face over ten times, it was just coincidence. The first thing she noticed was that she hurt literally everywhere. She looked down at herself and noticed some parts of her exposed metal had been singed from being face up in the sun all day. Even some parts of her face were blackened like bruises. She looked over to Mark who was sitting next to her with a very pissed off expression. “...what happened?” She didn’t really remember since she was so fucking freaked out on the lifeboat for the whole time. That part was pretty much erased from her memory. Probably for the better. 

Mark turned to look at her with his eyes lighting up. “YOU’RE AWAKE AGAIN?! FINALLY!” He continued “So much has happened since you were last awake okay so basically Glomgold kicked us to shore and yeah, now here we are!… okay I guess that wasn’t a lot.”

“Since I was last awake?” She sat up and looked around. Mark didn’t even have to tell her what happened because she knew damn well they were on an island because of Glomgold. She peaked down at him shoving sand down his throat. “What on earth are you doing?!” 

Glomgold was about to shove more sand into his already full mouth when Ellie spoke up. He looked over at her, blinking slowly. “EATING!” Glomgold screamed, but it was very muffled from the sand. Some sand fell out of his mouth and onto his beard.

“...okay…” She looked at Mark with a confused expression before turning back to her Uncle. “...why did you force us off of the cruise against our will…and then proceeded to get us stranded on a deserted island?” Mark already told her but, again, she didn’t really remember. 

“NO TALK! ONLY SAND!” To be honest Glomgold didn’t really have a solid reason as to why he did the things that he did. Glomgold shoved more sand into his mouth to avoid answering the question.

Ellie slapped his hand away from the sand, causing him to drop a handful. “Just answer the question. I do not feel like arguing with you right now after I just woke up.” 

“GOOD! ME NEITHER, SO SHUT UP, STUPID ROBO-BABEH! MUAHAHA!”

Her eye twitched which meant she was getting close to murder mode. “I know you are confused why your whole “family” hates you but shouldn’t the reason be obvious by now? I once did view you as family, Uncle Glomgold. I loved you, but you keep doing things like this over and over again. Putting us in deadly situations. What is wrong with you? If you want us to be your family then shouldn’t you just… stop?” 

Glomgold was staring at her while she spoke, slowly chewing his sand. Once she was done talking, he sat up to speak but he was quickly distracted by the fact that his bra was missing. “OI! WHERE DID MEH BRA GO!? I NEED IT FOR SUPPORT!” Glomgold covered his chest. “DO YOOH MIND SOME DECENCY HERE?! SHEESH IT’S LIKE SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO MANNERS!”

Ellie gripped the wooden sides of the lifeboat so hard it cracked and splintered. “Common decency? COMMON DECENCY?” She stood up and bawled her fists. “YOU LITERALLY CLIMBED INTO BED WITH US WHEN WE WERE NAKED!” 

“OI! IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU LIKE TO FIGHT WHEN YOU’RE NAKED! IF YOU HAD JUST GIVEN MEH MAH GOLDFISH, I WOULDN’T BE EATING SAND!” Actually he probably would still be eating sand just in another context.

Ellie jumped him and wrapped his hands around his neck. They both slammed onto the ground of the beach and he started choking up sand. “I KEEP TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF NOT TO KILL YOU BUT YOU ARE IMPOSSIBLE! YOU ARE GOING TO DIE THIS TIME! I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT!” She kept one hand on his neck while punching his face in with the other. “IF YOU CARE SO MUCH FOR YOUR FAMILY THEN DIE!” 

Blood started to stain over his face paint. There was a loud Scottish noise that could be heard miles away (if people were around) after every punch to the face. After he had enough he pushed Ellie off of him, wiping the blood and tears from his face on his arm. “I’M LEAVING TO FIND A FAHMLEH OF MONKEYS!” With that Glomgold took off and ran into the jungle, sobbing.

Ellie started laughing on the ground, mainly because she made him bleed. She honestly believed he wasn’t physically able to do that. “GOOD! MAYBE THEY WILL EAT YOU!” She yelled after him. 

Mark started laughing too. He thought this was better than anything the Kardashians would’ve been doing at that point. “Yooooooo! That was super freaking epic omg! Did you see his face?! Priceless! I only wish I was able to take a photo of it. It would’ve been a great meme like “When you forget the school bus” HA!” Mark was that kind of guy who still thought 2012 memes were funny.

Ellie continued laughing on the ground for a bit. Mark thought it was because of his meme idea when it really wasn’t because it was so fucking stupid and Ellie didn’t understand the concept of memes. She eventually sat up and went deadpanned again before looking over at him. “He will be back eventually, won’t he?” It was a horrible thought, but there was no goddamn way he would actually be gone forever this time. 

“....Yeahhhhh…. Probably.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Do you see that?” Boyd pointed up at a tree. It was getting pretty dark but there was still enough light for Gloria and Gyro to make out a bee’s nest. “That is a Bombus Transversalis nest. A type of bee found in amazonian jungles… which is odd considering we’re on an island close to the carribean…” Boyd decided not to question that further. “But if we can get it down, it would be perfect! Warm honey is a wonderful form of hydration, so we can put it over the fire! And it contains a lot of calories. Combine that with maybe some coconuts and their milk with even some fish for more protein, if one of you can catch them tonight, and you all will have the perfect meal!” Boyd smiled. He didn’t even need to look up all the stuff. He knew if by heart, being a Junior Woodchuck and everything. 

“Dang! You’re pretty smart, Boyd!”

“I know! But thanks anyway, Aunt Gloria!” He looked back up at the nest. “They do sting so you two should step back before I shoot it down with my laser eyes! If they view me as the predator they won’t be able to make a dent.”

Gyro nodded. “You don’t have to tell me twice.” He took Gloria’s hand for the two of them to back up. And boy oh boy they did. Gyro hated bugs more than anything and was not taking any chances with this. 

He gave Boyd a thumbs up and Boyd shot that baby down. 

The suckers bursted out and flew everywhere, and no, they didn’t attack Boyd. To them, Gyro was the predator. 

They swarmed him and he fell to the ground screaming as he got stung by hundreds, hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was thousands! “GET THEM OFF! GET THEM OFF!” 

“DR. DAD! I’M SO SORRY!” Boyd ran up and started clapping his hands around to smack and kill as many as he could manage. He was getting a good amount but there was only so much he could do. It was impossible to get them all. 

Meanwhile, Gloria wasn’t getting stung at all. In fact, she started laughing. It was a bitch move but she couldn’t help it. Gyro wasn’t allergic to bees so he wouldn’t die. He deserved it after yelling at her in the water. “Ya like jazz?” She mumbled. If he heard that, she would apologize later. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	23. Island "Paradise" (Part 2)

Boyd handed Gyro his food first. The reason behind it being our baby boy felt extremely guilty that all the bees stung his Dr. Dad and made him cry like a baby. He was still crying, but his sobs were muffled because of how swollen he was. He didn’t look like a complete oompa loompa since he wasn’t allergic, he just looked like someone who skipped their daily gym workout and ate too many carbs in one sitting. Specifically Pop-Tarts. 

He handed a large slab of wood over to Gyro, one he had found on the beach, and pointed to the food on it. “I managed to shoot a family of crabs with my laser eyes! So I gave you the largest!” He pointed to the red crab on the side of the plate. The crab looked really upset. Probably because it’s last moments were watching it’s family get shot by a robot. “And over here is the warmed up honey. Be careful so it doesn’t spill. I didn’t have enough time to carve a wooden bowl.” 

Boyd knew how to do that. It was in the Junior Woodchuck guidebook. Duh. Why wouldn’t you need to know how to make eating utensils in the wild?

“And finally!” He held up a coconut that was sliced in half and handed it over. “I found some coconuts! Make sure you drink the water and then eat all the white stuff inside! You need as many calories as possible!” Boyd stepped back and smiled, waiting for Gyro to say something. 

“Wow, thanks Boyd… I don’t know what to say.” There were sniffles between every word. Not because of Boyd’s kind gesture, it was still because of the bee stings. “But, yeah, thank you sport.”

“UMMMMMM EXCUSE ME?!” Mark crossed his arms. “I call him ‘sport’, not you!” 

Everyone ignored Mark but that wasn’t anything new. 

“No problem, Dr. Dad! It was no big deal!” Boyd beamed before walking over to get the rest of the food. “And I got to give everyone a larger serving since Uncle Glomgold isn’t here!” 

Thank god. Maybe he finally would become one with the monkeys. 

“Wait a second…” Gloria’s eyes lit up. “Where is that little bitch?! Is he dead?!” 

“I beat him up and then he ran into the jungle. He was yelling about finding a new family of monkeys or something of the sort.” Ellie stated matter-of-factly, but she wasn’t too pleased because she knew he would be back within the next few days at most. He just rolled that way. 

“OH HELL YEAH! DUCK JESUS IS ON OUR SIDE!” Gloria made the sign of the cross and pointed to the air, as if she was thanking the actual Duck Jesus, before picking up her own crab and ripping it in half with her hands. 

Good thing Gyro’s crab was dead because he was the husband and Gloria had the wife crab. He would’ve just witnessed his wife being torn apart. Duck Jesus spared neither of them. Or the children. He was a ruthless God.

Gyro, on the other hand, understood what Ellie was trying to say without saying it. “...No. He’s going to be back most likely.”

“GOD! THAT’S WHAT I SAID EARLIER! STOP COPYING ME!” Mark pouted. He got his food last and some of the honey spilled on his Gucci pajamas so he was even more pissed than usual. 

“Mark, why would I copy you?”

Now that offended Mark. “Ummmm because I’m awesome? Duh!” 

After that there was thankfully a few minutes of silence, excluding Mark mumbling under his breath. 

“Boyd?”

Boyd shot his head up. “Yes, dad?”

“Is there, like, any other options?” Mark scrunched up his face as he picked at the steamed crab. He also only liked eating food that had the color red on Tuesdays. And it was fucking Wednesday. 

“Mark are you fucking serious?” Gloria soffed.

“It’s just… I only eat crab about twice every few months and I really only eat it if my personal chefs cook it for me sooooooo...” 

“Mark you’re a fucking asshole, I swear-”

Boyd cut Gloria off. “Well… what do you want, dad?” 

“What’s today again?”

“Wednesday.” 

Mark nodded “And the time?”

Boyd checked his data. “8:22 pm.” 

He nodded again “Cool cool okay so could you please make me speculaas in abouuuttttttt 15 minutes? Oh, and make sure to add a lemon to the water as well! Kay thankssssssss!”

Ellie gave Mark a look. “Mark, our child cannot make shortcrust briskets on an island.”

“Whaaaaat?! Why not!? It’s not that hard to make! He just needs to go to a Whole Foods!”

Everyone just stared at him. 

“...I can’t go to a Whole Foods, dad. I don’t have any money and there are no stores around… sorry. I don’t mean to upset you.”

“God.” Gyro rolled his eyes. “Now you’re making him upset, Mark. Eat the damn crab so your organs don’t shut down. You were complaining about your ribs showing, weren’t you? So eat.” 

Mark made a very long and dramatic groan before finally eating his crab. “Fine! But try to find a Whole Foods tomorrow if you can.”

“You know what?” Gyro stood up and put down his empty weird wooden tray of food. “I’m finished so I’m just going to go for a walk so I don’t have to be around you.” He pointed a twig finger at Mark. “And maybe I’ll find a Whole Foods somewhere on the beach for you along the way.” 

“Oh great! Be sure to find some freshly baked veggie dumplings and skim milk while you’re gone.”

“Oh, I’ll keep an eye out.” Gyro would’ve dumbed it down to Mark being delusional, but no. He was literally just that stupid because he didn’t know how nature worked. “You want to take a walk with me, Gloria?” 

Gloria got up too. “Sure!” It wasn’t like she was enjoying hearing Mark talk about Whole Foods either.

After Gyro and Gloria walked off to probably go complain about Mark, Ellie turned to Boyd who was rubbing his eyes. She frowned. “Do you want to go to bed?” 

He looked up at his mom “Yeah I’m pretty tired after finding everyone's food, but I was happy to do it of course!” 

Ellie stood up from the sand and wiped her pajamas off before walking over to him. “That was very kind of you, Boyd. I would have helped if your Uncle had not knocked me out.” She took his hand to set up a little bed for him, using Mark’s cardigan she still had, by the fire. Not too far away from Mark and herself of course. 

Glomgold was crazy, but she wouldn’t put it past nature to have monkeys on this island. She wasn’t going to let Glomgold and some monkeys take Boyd like some weird Tarzan thing. And that’s the most mellow scenario. 

Mark was still sitting with his wooden plate of food, playing with what was left of his crab while in deep thought. Now that his life wasn’t in peril anymore he could think about other things. “Other things” like how Ellie was so quick to get into another relationship while he was doing everything in his power to get her back. It took him awhile but he started to realize how upset it made him that Ellie was dating someone else while he was spending every waking moment with M’ma to have him shape up and be a better boyfriend. They were so quick to make up that he never had a chance to really think or talk to Ellie about how those few days made him feel. He was just solely focused on getting Ellie back. He sighed and used a nearby stick to drag a line through the sand while he thought about everything. He had Ellie back so he was debating on whether or not he should even bother to talk to her about it. If it was better to not open up that wound again or not.

He looked over to her. She was watching Boyd shut down before kissing him goodnight and pulling Mark’s old cardigan over him. When she got up to walk back over to him he suddenly began to feel very nervous. And it only got worse when she sat close beside him.

Mark glanced over at her and she wasn’t looking back which was probably good. He didn’t have time to be relieved for very long when she leaned over, laying her head on his shoulder. He tensed up immediately. 

His thoughts about Ellie only raced faster. He felt like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place with not knowing what to say or do next. He awkwardly cleared his throat “Hey. Crazy day, huh? Ha ha…” Mark tried saying that as normal as possible but it backfired on him. 

“Yes, I suppose it was. I am thankful I was shut down for most of it if I am being honest.” She sighed. “But it is alright since we are together.” 

Ellie intertwined her hand with his. 

Mark’s hand flinched when Ellie held it. He was frozen for a few moments before gently pulling his hand away from her. Ashamed, Mark looked in the opposite direction from where Ellie was. “Y-yeah…”

That grabbed Ellie’s attention. She flinched in return and lifted her head off his shoulder fairly quickly. Worried, she looked over at him. A really bad feeling started to overtake her. Hopefully she was overreacting. “Is something wrong?”

Mark sighed. He scratched the back of his head and turned his attention back in front of him, staring at the sand. There was a very long moment of silence before he finally replied. He was still on the fence as to whether or not he should even bring it up at all but he really didn’t have a choice anymore. “Yeah, kinda… I dunno, Ellie, I’m still thinking about the whole Drew thing. I mean, I know we made up and everything so I really shouldn’t be bothered by it anymore but… I just am.” He paused again before continuing. “I guess my biggest concern is your one night stand that you had with him.”

Ellie’s fists clenched before she started kneading at the sand besider her, without looking at it. “Oh… I, um… I understand.” The bad feeling she had grew worse. What if Mark was the one to leave her this time? And he had a really good reason too. She gulped before stuttering out “What do you… what do you want me to say? … I really am sorry.”

Mark didn’t know how to answer that question so he just kept going with what else he wanted to say. “I spent day and night with M’ma, planning out how I could win you back. She was pretty mean and she was close to giving up on me several times but I kept pushing… and this was all happening when you were with someone else.” He looked over at Ellie for a second before back at the sand . “I- god I know I’m supposed to be past all of this but it’s eating me alive.”

She didn’t want to respond to that but she knew she had to. However, Mark wasn’t making it easy on her. “No… you have every right to be upset.” She paused for a second. It seemed to be she was in one of those situations where she had to keep talking without knowing where she was going with it. A situation she hadn’t been in before. “I should not have done that, but I did. When I kicked you out, it was my first time I have ever been truly alone. I was not built to be alone. I was always either with you or Glomgold 24/7. That is not an excuse and I do not know why I did it but my only theory is I was so desperate for some sort of attention that when Drew showed up almost immediately, I was transfixed. He non-stop complimented me, we practically had everything in common, and he was great with Boyd. It was the perfect trap for someone who was as much of an emotional wreck as I was. And then I just… invited him into the suite. I barely remember anything but I do remember when I woke up I was so disturbed and uncomfortable. If I had the ability to throw up I would have. It all of a sudden dawned on me that I had no connection with him and I did not want to have one with him. He was not you and he would never be.” 

There was another short pause. “I dunno, Ellie… That really doesn’t make me feel any better about the situation... I’m not mad at you or anything like that. And I know that it’s not considered cheating, but wow, you and Drew really hit it off fast.” Thinking about it again made Mark’s stomach turn. “I’m just not sure on what to do or say next here. I’m really at a loss right now.” Mark sighed again and rubbed his forehead.

“I was not expecting that to make you feel better… I simply gathered you had the right to know the rest of the story.” Her hands that were kneading the sand froze. “Do you… do you not want to be with me anymore because… I understand if you do not.” 

Mark jumped at that last statement. He quickly looked over at Ellie. “What?! No, Ellie, of course I still want to be with you! It’s just- this whole thing has been killing me is all.”

“It makes sense. We only addressed it shortly.” What Ellie was going to say next made her want to cry, but she held herself together. Her offer was going to be genuine and she was not going to guilt trip him out of it if that was what he wanted to do. “Being with Drew made me realize how much I did love you and how much I truly missed you. If you are unsure about me… I will allow you to be with an organic woman for a night… if that- if that is what you need to clear things up for yourself. Perhaps that is what you need to do to understand whether you really want to continue to be with me after what I did…” 

Mark didn’t answer to that for the longest time and it made Ellie grow more and more worried. Ellie watched him continue to stare down on the ground. She could see that he was deep in thought again. His eyes were darting left and right as if he was reading something. After what felt like a lifetime of Ellie staring at him and Mark not saying anything, he finally broke the silence. “Alright… it’s getting late” He muttered before getting up from his seat. “Let’s just worry about this later, okay? It’s been a hella crazy day and I want more time to think about everything.”

Ellie’s metaphorical heart sunk. “...alright.”

She wasn’t going to be shutting down that night.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro stormed down the beach in pure anger and it was amusing the shit out of Gloria. She would never tell him this, but the angry “stomp” thing he had going on made him look like a clown. He matched his feet now. 

At least the swelling on his face had gone down a bit.

“God! I cannot believe Mark!” Gyro spat. “He has the audacity to say that to Boyd AND continues to call him his son? He never tries to act like a father! If anything, Boyd is raising him!” 

Gloria rolled her eyes “That guy is truly in a world of his own.” She was still baffled by the Whole Foods comment. Like, she knew he was privileged but this was another level.

“And Boyd clearly is bothered by him but continues to call him dad out of some sort of pity! Ugh! It makes me want to pull my hair out!” Gyro was pulling at his hair so it wouldn’t surprise Gloria if some did actually start to fall out. He finally took a deep breath and clenched his arms straight to the sides of his body. “Okay, okay. I need to calm down. That’s what this walk is for.”

Gloria laughed “Yeah, this won’t be the last time he pisses everyone off so you might as well think about something else.” Gloria picked up a cool looking stick and whacked it alongside trees as she was walking by them. “And because of that I think we may have to make these walks a daily thing.”

“Trust me. I wouldn’t mind that. I’m sure Boyd and Ellie would want to tag along at times too. Leave Mark in the dust for a bit.” He laughed, hoping that would happen. Seeing Mark cry always made his day. “Anyway, this is a bit off topic but do you mind if I ask you something?” He smiled.

“Sure! what’s up?” She accidentally wacked a tree with her stick too hard, causing it to break. She dropped what was left of her stick and looked up at Gyro waiting to see what he had to say.

“Well, not to make things awkward or anything, but how would you feel about getting married. Not now, I mean in a few years.” Gyro clearly didn’t feel awkward bringing it up because it said it very nonchalantly. 

“... Married, huh?” Her tone was pretty neutral, making it hard for Gyro to tell how she felt about it. She looked straight ahead on the path they were walking on and subconsciously hugged herself.

Gyro did not pick up on her hesitation and her awkward demeanor. He was too busy kicking the sand with his clown feet. “I mean, yeah! Why not? We’ve been through a lot together.”

“Well, yeah we have, but that doesn’t mean that we have to get married…”

He looked over at her, confused. “...oh, uh, why not? What do you mean by that?”

“I mean we shouldn’t get married just because we’ve been through prison or whatever. I mean, marriage is like permanent! Ya know?! Forever and forever till death do you part?! Damn…”

“...that’s why I said it could be years in the future. You’re right, I guess we do still need to get to know each other better.” Gyro knew that wasn’t what Gloria meant but he had no idea what else to say. His chest clenched up and he was getting really flustered, but not in a good way. Very much the opposite. 

It was Gloria’s turn to start yanking on her hair. “Yeah, I guess so.” She muttered. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings but she was in shock. “To be honest I’ve never thought about marriage, or getting married, or anything like that.”

Gyro gulped and tried his best to keep his composure together. “Okay… I guess we don’t have to. I just figured because we, um, were talking about possibly trying to have a- a kid again a few weeks back.” 

She nodded “That’s very true… most people marry first before they start having kids, I guess.” She went back to hugging herself.

He raised a brow before darting his eyes away from her and to look toward the ocean instead. “...is there something more you want to say?” 

“All this talk about the future and years from now… I’m not even sure where I’ll be in a few years because of how often I'm on the run. I’m always looking for a fresh start every now and then.” What exactly Gloria was saying out loud totally slipped her mind. Her brain was going 80 an hour but she quickly realized what she said. “Shit- wait no that sounds bad. Nevermind.”

Gyro’s heart, that was racing, stopped in its tracks and made a pitfall. “You think you may leave Duckburg in a few years and just… leave everything behind? Why- why didn’t you tell me this? I thought we spilled everything on the cruise.” 

Gloria nervously scratched her arm. “I always leave things behind, Gyro, you know that. But it wasn’t like I was booking the next plane out of Duckburg or anything either. I’m just always on the move so I guess it’s just inevitable? Shit, Gyro I don’t know, I’m sorry.” She was close to crying at this point. The last thing she wanted to do was break his heart.

Gyro stopped. “So… was this never real to you?” He gestured between the two of them, tearing up himself. “Was this just a temporary thing all along? Why would you trick me like that?!” 

Gloria started to cry, wiping her tears away as fast as she could. “Wh- of course it’s real and I’m not trying to trick you! I love you, Gyro, but this is just a very complicated situation that I just can’t explain, okay?! It’s nothing you have done, it’s just who I am.”

“You love me but you plan on leaving?” Gyro didn’t bother to comfort her, he was too busy trying to stop himself from crying. “Is the reason you were afraid of having a child because you knew that if you did you would have to stay?!” 

Gloria looked at him, shocked. She honestly didn’t even know the answer to that, only making her cry harder.

“I feel so- so deceived.” He covered his beak to stop a sob from coming out before he continued. “You’re right. This is a complicated situation but you said what you needed to say.” He looked back at her, eye to eye. “We should end things now because it’s just going to end in the future anyway, right? I want to rip the band-aid off.” 

She continued to sob. “No- I don’t want to break things off, that's the confusing part, I know! God- I am so sorry that I even said anything! But please… please don’t do this. Not now.” There was a lot more that Gloria felt like needed to be said but she couldn’t make out the sentences properly. She looked down and shut her eyes tightly as if she was trying to block out what was happening.

“I don’t want to break things off either Gloria… but I have to. For my sake.” He softened his eyes before starting to walk again. He non-verbally communicated that he didn’t want her to follow. 

Gloria opened her eyes long enough to see that Gyro was leaving. She stayed put by sitting on the ground and wrapping her arms around her legs. It took her a while to finally have enough strength to get up again and start making her way back to the campsite.

Quick feet scuttled up behind her. “OI!” 

A crying Glomgold tugged on Gloria’s hand. He wasn’t wearing her bra or Ellie underwear anymore. Just a tunic, Tarzan style. 

He paused and blinked one eye at a time through tearful eyes. “WHY ARE YOOH CRYIN TOO? DID YOUR MONKEH FAMILY LEAVE YOOH LIKE HOW THEY LEFT MEH?!” 

Gloria looked down at him and wiped her eyes. “Glomgold please… just leave me alone. Go bother someone else.”

“Do yooh wanna walk back to the camp and cry together? ...also I need directions because I’m lost.” 

She sighed. “Fine whatever let’s just leave.” Gloria started walking in the direction back to the campground. She walked slowly, taking her time to get back.

“OI! CAN YOOH HURRY UP? I’M TIRED!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The sun was rising and everyone was back at camp. And everyone also slept far away from one another, except Ellie who was sitting next to Boyd, wide awake. She had managed to buff out her singed metal for the most part throughout the night.

Gloria couldn’t sleep either but tried her best to pretend.

Neither of them noticed the footsteps approaching their campsite. 

“HEY THERE! Ain’t you the two gals who sold me Edible Goldfish? Well, gosh! Small world!”

Gloria bolted upward to look over at who was speaking, along with Ellie. 

Boyd, Mark, and Gyro also woke up, ready to run. 

“...Jimmy Buffett?!” Gloria hopped up and ran over to him. “What are you doing here?!”

He patted her shoulder and laughed. “This is Florida, why wouldn’t I be here? I decided to leave the cruise early, missed my home.”

“WE’RE IN FLORIDA AND NOT A STRANDED ISLAND!?” Mark jumped up before continuing. “SO THERE IS A WHOLE FOODS?!”

“A stranded island?” Jimmy waved his hand at him and laughed. “Where on earth did you get that idea?! Tampa is two miles that way!” He pointed from where he had come from. “I was just out on my morning walk! It helps me get inspiration for my new songs!” 

“But- but my data said…” Boyd trailed off.

“OH! It’s because I hacked into you and robo-babeh’s system so you couldn’t tell where we were. That way you couldn’t leave meh! MUAHAHAHA!” Glomgold rubbed his hands together like a fly about to clean its eyeballs or something.

Ellie grasped at her chest. She felt like her privacy was invaded.

Gyro nearly shit himself. “YOU WHAT?!”

“I SAID-”

“NO! I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID! HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THAT?! DID YOU KNOW WE WERE IN FLORIDA ALL ALONG?!”

Glomgold started picking his nose. “Yee. I went to McDonald’s with meh old monkey family last night. AND THEN THEY TOOK MY CHICKY NUGGIES AND DITCHED MEH!” He teared up a bit thinking about it.

“...why is there a jungle and monkeys in Florida?” Ellie asked herself in a whisper. That question would never be answered.

Jimmy Buffett was having a laughing fit as everyone started screaming at Glomgold! “Man, you guys are a hoot! Hey, how about I buy you all breakfast at Margaritaville! You know, the restaurant based off of my hit song? There’s one about 10 minutes from here!”

Before anyone could respond, Jimmy looked all of them up and down. “How about we go to the Margaritaville gift shop to get you all some new clothes as well.” 

Glomgold pumped his fists in the air. “HELL YEAH! LET’S GO JIMMY BASTARD!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	24. Margaritaville Gossip

Gyro, Mark, Ellie, Gloria, and Boyd were all now sitting in Margaritaville with Jimmy Buffett with their new Gucci Jimmy Buffett fits on. It was the theme of the entire gift shop so it was either that or they stayed in pajamas. 

It should be mentioned all their money was left on the ship so they didn’t really have a choice. Jimmy was the one paying sooooo…

They all wore dad beach shorts with hawaiin patterns on them and Jimmy Buffett themed shirts. 

Ellie’s had an illustration of “Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville” on the front, along with a parrot that sat on a sign that read “Key West: Changes in Latitude. Changes in Attitudes.” She thought it was the stupidest fucking thing. There was also a margarita because DUH. 

On the back was ANOTHER illustration of ANOTHER “Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville” with Jimmy Buffett himself on it. Another stupid quote was plastered on the back too to make it worse. “Nothing remains quite the same… if we weren’t all crazy we would go insane!” 

Ellie’s face snarled up when she looked at it. And the fact the entire shirt was yellow… EW! Jimmy thought it looked fantastic on her for whatever reason. Maybe this was her personal hell. 

Boyd was matching her which was pretty cute so that was a plus and the only benefit. 

Gloria was also wearing a yellow Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville shirt. The front read “Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville Key West” with a margarita next to it. The back read “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” On the top with two parrots chilling and drinking margaritas in front of a sunset. There was a repeat of “Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville Key West” under the parrots. She thought it was pretty cute but nothing would compare to her original Jimmy Buffet that he personally signed. She planned on turning it into a crop top when she got the chance.

As for Mark, now that man picked out a revealing blue tank top that read. “Whatever. I’m on island time” with palm trees and the “Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville” logo of course. 

Lastly Gyro was wearing a dark navy shirt that read “How I Got Here I Have No Clue” with a large beer beside the beach font. That was Jimmy’s pick for him as well and he was not happy. 

Where is Glomgold, you ask? Don’t question it. 

The waitress hadn’t even come yet but Jimmy already had a Margarita that he pulled out of his short pockets. Don’t question that either.

“So…” Jimmy was strumming on his guitar while he spoke. “Why are the guys at a separate table from us?” He nudged his head to Mark and Gyro who had requested to sit at a different table. They weren’t too far away, but far enough for them to not hear their conversation and vice versa. 

Ellie awkwardly tapped her fingers on the table. “I am not sure. I believe they just wanted to spend quality time together.” She bluffed, and her lie was absolutely terrible as per usual, but Jimmy was too drunk on margaritas (also as per usual) to notice her obvious fake tone. 

“I think they are starting to become close friends!” Boyd added while coloring in the parrots on his kid’s menu. Poor baby believed that too… 

“Hey, kid?”

Boyd lifted his head to raise a brow at Jimmy. “Yes, sir?”

“Wanna help me write my next song?!” 

He gasped. “YES, SIR!” 

Jimmy patted the booth next to him and Boyd went running over to the other side of the table.

While that was going on, Ellie took that as a cue to start talking to Gloria who was currently chugging down her fifth margarita. Jimmy had given her those from his pockets too. 

“Are you alright? I am aware you drink a great deal but… this is different.” Ellie tried her best to not be rude while she continued to fidget with her hands on the table. 

Gloria finished her margarita in record time. She looked up at Ellie. “Never fucking better.” She said bitterly.

Ellie didn’t pick up on the tone. “That is lovely to hear.” She smiled, attempting to hide her own emotions. She had no idea whether she was doing a good job or not but knowing Ellie, she probably wasn’t because facial expressions weren’t her thing. 

Gloria slid her now empty glass over to the other glasses on the other table that bordered theirs. “No, that was sarcasm. I’m feeling like shit.”

“Oh…” Man, she felt like an idiot. “Do you mind if I ask what is wrong?” 

She sighed and crossed her arms on top of the table. “Gyro and I broke up yesterday.”

“WHAT?!” She covered her mouth immediately, hoping she didn’t disturb the other people in the restaurant or catch anyone’s attention. She thankfully didn’t. “What?” She whispered. 

“Yeah we got into this huge fight when we were at the beach.” Gloria was starting to get a bit aggravated that she didn’t have another margarita to help her get through this story. “Basically he was talking about wanting to get married and I wasn’t so sure and well… I said some things that I probably shouldn’t have and things that I didn’t even mean! But at that point it was too late. God I really fucked it all up, Ellie.” 

To say Ellie was surprised was a major understatement. Yes, she was aware Gloria and Gyro had gotten into fights with one another before, but compared to how many fights her and Mark had gotten in, it was a short comparison. She sighed in response to that. “It happens to the best of us, I suppose. I am sure you and Gyro will work it out if Mark and I managed.” 

The ironic part was, Ellie doubted her and Mark actually had worked it out. He hadn’t spoken to her all morning. But her words were true; she believed Gloria would work it out with Gyro. Gyro was a genuinely good guy and Ellie wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one to apologize first. But she couldn’t be sure when she didn’t have all the details. 

Gloria shook her head sadly. “No, I don’t think it will work out this time, Ellie. It was pretty bad. I want it to work out but he was the one who broke up with me so…” she trailed off.

“I apologize if this is too personal, if so you can just tell me, but what ever happened?” 

It took her a minute to collect all of her thoughts about what happened yesterday. Gloria sighed again. “So he was talking about getting married sometime in the future and I got a little freaked out by it. I told him that I didn’t think it would be a good idea because I always traveled around and never stayed in one spot. Well, I worded that very poorly and it became this downward spiral. He believed that I thought our relationship was only temporary and I would just bail. But that’s not true! It’s not like I want to leave, I just…” Gloria trailed off before finding her words again. “ I dunno, I have always been moving around so the idea of being in a permanent place with one person forever. It just scares me.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “So yeah. He went ahead and broke things off. I can’t blame him for being mad at me. What I said was pretty shitty, despite me not meaning any of it.” At this point Gloria would be crying but she was too emotionally exhausted and tired to cry again. 

Ellie delayed responding. She was never the one to comfort people; it had always been the way around. Man. That was pretty sad. “My response is not very good or comforting, but all I can conjure up to say is I am sorry, Gloria. I may have not been there during the argument but I know Gyro’s demeanor well enough to say it is ‘eating him up’, that is a saying, correct?” Ellie waved that off. Now was not the time to ask that. “Nevermind. It is ‘eating him up’ just as it is you and he is thinking deeply about it. When organ- people are upset they do not think clearly.” Ellie was saying that like she always thought clearly. Hypocritical. “You have a high enough IQ to know that. I know you do not believe it will get better but once Gyro calms down he will most likely re-evaluate the situation and perhaps understand you did not mean what you said or the way you compelled it to come off. You just have to wait until that point. Perhaps you can attempt to clear things up with him yourself in a few days if he does not approach first; yet I believe he will.” 

Hearing that Ellie was pretty certain that the situation would get better with time made Gloria not only feel better but also more hopeful. She nodded and gave Ellie a small smile. “Thank you, Ellie. I really hope you’re right about that.” Despite her being a bit more hopeful, that wasn’t going to stop her from getting drunk, high, or both every chance she could get. She’s in Margaritaville and in contact with Jimmy Buffet who has the money and access to something as rich as Edible Goldfish. It wouldn’t be hard for her to get drunk and high in Florida. However some of the Margaritas were a little weak for Gloria so she had to order several rounds just to get drunk, which explains why she was still mostly sober even after drinking five margaritas.

The two of them sat in silence for a minute before Gloria tried small talk. “So how have you been? Everything good with you, Mark and Boyd?” She figured it was the polite thing to ask next since they were just talking about her and her problems.

“Fantastic.” Ellie said bluntly in a poor attempt to copy Gloria’s earlier statement. It didn’t work. “Oh, my apologies. That was sarcasm.”

“Things have been going shit for you too, huh? What happened?” Gloria would bet all of the money she had that it was something to do with Mark.

“I am not sure what happened honestly.” Ellie admitted. She glanced over at Mark quickly, confirming Gloria’s theory. “We are not mad at one another nor are we fighting. I do not know what to call it. But he is most definitely upset with me.” 

“What? Mark is upset with you? Why?”

“I know it is usually the other way around. I was surprised myself.” Ellie stopped fiddling with her hands and moved on to tapping the table quietly again. “Do you remember Drew from the cruise? He was the man who Glomgold ended up murdering at the party.” 

Gloria nodded. She stayed quiet so Ellie could continue.

“I was rather upset during Mark and I’s breakup as you know so I perhaps, maybe, had a one night stand with Drew... and told Mark about it out of guilt…” 

“Ooooooh so I’m assuming he didn’t take it too well…”

“Well, I believed that he did but he brought it up last night. Nothing I could say made him feel better so I…” Her sentence died out for a moment. “I offered him something I regret. I was so desperate to keep him by my side, am so desperate, that I actually told him I would allow him to have a one night stand with another woman so he could make a decision for himself whether he still wanted to be with me or not. The reason why I did that was because being with Drew made me realize that I wanted to continue to be with Mark so I figured he might have needed the same thing.” Ellie stopped tapping the table and leaned her head on her hand. “I cannot believe I said that. But I cannot take it back and the worst part is… I think he actually is considering it. He did not give me a direct answer but I can just tell he is going to take me up on it. I know he is.”

“Oh wow.” That was Gloria’s first thoughts on the matter. She had no idea that any of that was going on because Ellie was pretty expressionless and Mark was, well… Mark. “Shit, Ellie, I had no idea…” She continued “So he didn’t tell you that he was considering it or anything? He just left it open? Are you guys going to talk about it again soon? I mean, it’s not like you’re going to be a horrible person if you change your mind. I’m sure he understands and, who knows, is probably trying to find a way to get out of it too.”

There were a lot of questions Gloria asked that Ellie had to answer. “No. I do not think we are going to bring it up again. Neither of us want to… and yes he did leave it open, but the way he did so may as well have been a ‘yes’. I do not think he is trying to find a way out of it; I know him too well. He may not be happy about my offer, but he is severely doubting our relationship and I am sure he wants to be with another woman to test the waters…” Ellie closed her eyes, but she wasn’t crying. “I cannot take my offer back now. If he wants to leave me that is his choice. If he accepted my offer, which I am sure he did based on my observations which you know are always correct, then so be it.” 

“Yeah but if he does have a one night stand are you sure that you would be okay with it? I mean, it wasn’t like you were with Drew while you were still dating Mark. Mark would still be together with you if he does go through with it so would that be something you’ll be okay with? I know I wouldn’t be.”

“No. I am definitely not okay with it. Gosh, I would be so heartbroken. But I am just so desperate for him to stay by my side. I need him.” Ellie admitted; pretty shamefully at that. “I am at a point where I truly do believe it is in programming to love him, even if it is unintentional. He built me so it would make sense, right?” She added to that immediately because that sounded really really bad. “I am not saying it is Stockholm syndrome, I just- I am not sure. It has to be my programming. It would explain so much. I just wish I had proof that was the case.” 

Gloria nodded along as Ellie spoke. “Damn I am so sorry, Ellie. I really hope Mark, for once, does the right thing here for your sake. I still believe you could change your mind on him having a one night stand but that of course is up to you to decide.” 

Ellie despised the fact she knew that she was not going to change her mind. She was going to say something else, although not sure what that ‘something else’ would be, when the waitress approached. 

“Jimmy Buffett, I never would’ve guessed I’d run into you here.” The comment was amused, but the waitress didn’t laugh. She had a slight southern accent but it was barely noticeable. It was something you had to listen very closely to hear.

Jimmy immediately stopped playing his guitar. “Oh my goodness, Heidi! I forgot you worked here!” He didn’t. “Gloria, Boyd, third person, this is Heidi! She works for me as a secretary on the weekends. But she’s not very good at it.” He half joked. Heidi was actually a pretty shit secretary. She would deny calls all the time just because she was busy burning office supplies with a lighter or scrolling through ebay to find some rare vinyls or old dad jeans. Better yet, dad jeans that had vinyls painted on them. Now that’s where it was at.

She scoffed and it gave away she wasn’t the hugest fan of our good pal Jimmy Buffett. But it didn’t seem she hated him either. “Yep. That’s me. I work part time for a reason.” 

“Anyway!” Jimmy pulled out two margaritas from his pocket, one for himself and one for Gloria, as he continued to talk. “I met these two ladies in the carribean! They gave me a good deal on cocaine.”

Boyd looked up at him.

“Sorry. I mean ‘edible goldfish’.” Jimmy winked. “It goes well with margaritas if you didn't know. Also gets my brain juices flowing for my next hit song. My next hit song that will happen sometime soon.” 

“I guess that’s nice. Friends of Jimmy are friends of mine.” Heidi didn’t add anything to that before she took out her notepad. “You guys have been sitting here long enough, so I guess I’ll take your orders now.” She clicked her pen before looking up and Gloria first. Her eyebrow piercing raised along with her brow. 

“I’ll have the biggest plate of nachos you’re allowed to give me and about 5 more of these.” Gloria held up her new margarita glass that Jimmy just handed her.

She laughed. “Want me to put some shots in? I know they’re pretty weak.” 

“Yes please! If you can make them stronger then I guess I can cut back by only needing four.”

“Gotcha. Jimmy, I already know what you want so how about you, bud?” Heidi smiled down at Boyd who was back to coloring the parrots on his menu. 

“Hmmm….” He tapped his crayon on his chin like he was actually thinking, but he already knew what he wanted. “I’ll have chicken nuggets and chocolate milk, please!”

Ellie gave him a look. “Boyd…”

He sighed. “Okay… I’ll have apple juice instead of chocolate milk this time.” 

“Gotcha, little man.” Finally she looked over at Ellie. “What about you?”

Ellie would’ve asked for oil but she finally learned no restaurants actually served that and she wasn’t comfortable with giving away she was a robot anymore after everything. “I will pass on ordering.”

Heidi shrugged and didn’t question it. “Aight. I’ll be back I guess. The chefs are slacking today so don’t expect it to be out soon.” She said bluntly before waving them off. 

Jimmy laughed. “Man! Ain’t she cool?” 

“Anyone who can put extra shots in my margaritas are cool in my book.”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________

Jimmy was kind enough to give Mark a new Waddle phone. 

Mark was pretty upset at first because it was used, but he was so desperate he was willing to have anything for the time being. Currently he was sticking out his tongue, holding up a peace sign, and taking selfies with his new Jimmy Buffett tank top that showed off his killer bod. It hid his showing ribs so he didn’t look like he was stranded on an island that actually was Florida all along. And the filters made him look all the more sexy, as usual. 

He settled on using the one that put butterflies across your cheeks and gave you cute lashes. You know the one.

Gyro was sitting across from him, looking pretty upset. Or grouchy. Wait. Maybe that was just his face. Mark didn’t look at him that often to know. 

“Um, like, can you leave or something? You’re distracting me from my selfies.” 

“You’re distracting me from my selfies.” Gyro put his hands up and mocked him. 

“#omg. I do not talk like that.” Mark looked away from his phone, though it was only for a split second. “Seriously, leave. I hate you so why the hell are you sitting with me?” 

Gyro opened his mouth but Mark put up a hand.

“Actually don’t tell me because I give no shits.” 

“Well, I’ll happily move tables if that’s what you want.” 

“Ummm…” Mark looked around the not so crowded restaurant, but there were enough people for him to still care about his image. He always cared about his image but hopefully you’re picking up what’s being laid down. “No. If you leave then I look like a loser. If anything, being seen sitting with a loser makes me look cooler.” 

Gyro sat back down but that comment made him raise a brow. “You’d rather sit with me then sit with your family to take ‘aesthetic’ family photos for your Instagram?” 

Mark countered his question by asking one of his own. “I could be asking you the same thing? I mean, you’re not cool enough to have an Instagram, but shouldn’t you be sitting with Gloria or something? Goddamn.”

“Look,” Gyro put his hands up. “It’s not really any of your business.” 

Mark looked up from his phone with an almost evil looking smile. “You have tea. Spill it!”

“Give me one good reason why I would spill ‘tea’ to the likes of you.” Gyro’s tone was full of spite. “You’re just going to tweet about it.” 

“Uh, I wouldn’t tweet about it if it’s your lame ass tea which it probably is. But I still want you to tell me!”

“If it’ll get you off my back, fine.” He crossed his arms and leaned back. Talking to Mark about his issues was a new low. “I broke up with Gloria, okay? You happy?” 

Mark gasped. This was the third biggest news that he’s heard about today so far. “Yooooo shut up and tell me everything!”

“Are you fucking serious? I told you what happened so get off my back.” Wait. An idea popped into Gyro’s head. It was a bad idea but an idea nonetheless. “If I tell you what happened, then you need to tell me what happened between you and Ellie. I know you aren’t sitting with her and Boyd for a reason and if I’m telling you everything then you need to tell me everything. Got it?” 

Gyro couldn’t believe he just offered to do that, but to be fair he really needed to talk to someone. But the fact it was Mark… ew. It had already been said but this was a very low point for Gyro. Damn. 

“Hmmmmmm…” Mark pretended like he was thinking about his offer. “I dunno, chief, my tea would obviously be a lot better than whatever you have going on so it wouldn’t be a fair trade… but what the hell.” He shrugged. “You’re lucky nothing big is blowing up on twitter right now so I have nothing else better to do but to listen to whatever it is you have to say..”

“God. I hate you more and more every second.” Gyro scoffed. “But fine. I’ll keep it short. I broke up with Gloria because last night she told me she planned on moving on eventually anyway. She never planned on sticking around to begin with. Unbelievable. I guess I was just another toy of hers in whatever shit show of a life she has going on. So I ripped off the band-aid while the wound was fresh.” 

Mark frowned. “Wait, that’s it?! That’s your tea? Wow, your life is even more pathetic than I realized. Boom roasted! Ha ha okay but seriously, like, that’s lowkey wack though.”

Gyro slammed his hand on the table. “What do you mean ‘that’s it’? Did you expect me to tell you we committed mass genocide on the beach or something? You think I’m pathetic but you’re the one who needs constant praise from fans on social media.” 

“Oh ouchhhhh that really stingsssss. Okay no if you have real tea then at least one fight broke out or like, you set a car on fire! Pretty weak tea man….” He went back to texting.

“Well your ‘tea’ must be fantastic. What’d Ellie do? Beat you up?” Gyro already knew Mark’s comment was hypocritical. 

“Um no. Okay so what happened was that I wasn’t vibing with the whole Drew and one night stand biz so I went up to her and was like “Yoooo what’s up with that?” and to make a long story short, because I have better things to do than to waste my time talking to you, was that she was all like “Yooooo you can totally just have a one night stand if you want! No big deal-eo and I won’t even get mad!” Straight facts bro.”

Gyro was actually taken aback by that. Obviously the way he mimicked Ellie was very off but her offering for him to have a one night stand sounded unlike her as well. Whether Mark’s claim was true or not was up for debate. “Wait… you’re not actually considering it, are you?” 

Mark looked up from his phone again and pumped his arms in the air “Ha! You admit it! My tea was better than yours!”

Gyro rolled his eyes. “Are you going to answer my question or not?” 

“Okay okay. So liiikeeeeee I’m not really sure? I’m on vacation so I’m not going to stress about it, dig?”

“You’re a dirt-bag, you know that?” Gyro scoffed. “Who am I kidding, of course you don’t.” 

“Ha! If I’m a dirtbag, then what does that make you? You and Gloria had like, what, one argument and you just ripped a dumb metaphorical band aid off? Weak.”

Gyro pointed his twig finger at Mark. “Hey! I’m not the one who cried and watched soap operas all day with M’ma!” 

“Are you two done fighting so I can take your orders or should I just leave?” 

The first thing they both noticed was the heavy scent of cigarette smoke before turning to see the waitress standing by their table. 

Mark looked over at their waitress and scoffed. “Okay yeah, took you long enough I guess. Okay whatever don’t worry about it. Listen, do you have any vegan options that are vegan but also really Instagram worthy?”

Heidi scoffed back at him. “Why don’t you look at the menu instead of asking me? If you can’t read, there’s pretty pictures.” 

That earned a pretty good laugh from Gyro which only pissed Mark off more.

“Wowwwwww okay rude! God and you people wonder why you are paid minimum wage…” He muttered to himself. “Whatever, I’ll order later!”

“I’ll get you both our best salad.” She said it in a way that made it clear their salads were complete and utter shit. “Anyway, I never would’ve guessed the Mark Beaks was so rude. Guess I’ll post about it on my Tumblr.” 

He quickly turned to look at Heidi again. “Ohhhhh so you’re a fan! Well I can sign your stupid notebook already so you don’t have to keep lugging it around. And also, ew, who uses Tumblr anymore?”

“Yeah, with your attitude, I think I’ll pass on the autograph.” 

He shrugged “Your loss.”

She pointed to Gyro with her pen while continuing to look at Mark. “Why is a successful man like you sitting in a shitty Margaritaville with a loser like him?” 

“EXCUSE ME?!”.

Heidi ignored Gyro. “Is he like your boyfriend or something? I gotta say, there’s better places than this for a date.” 

Mark was quickly heading to the calendar part of his phone. “Wait it’s not June yet is it?”

“June’s tomorrow.”

“Oh… then no, he’s not my boyfriend.”

“I’m not his boyfriend, even if it was June.” Gyro added. “AND you should know I am not some loser. I am Scrooge McDuck’s #1 scientist!”

Heidi glanced back at him and stared. “Scrooge McDuck? As in the richest duck in the world?” She sounded like she didn’t give a shit but it was obvious she was impressed.

Gyro smirked and gave Mark a “ha, I just one upped you, bitch” look. “Yep! That Scrooge McDuck.”

“Well,” She put her notepad away. “I guess I see why you two are hanging out then. Still doesn’t explain why you’re in a shit stained Mararitaville when Jimmy fucking Buffett is in here too, but to each their own I guess.” 

“Yeah… we only came here because Jimmy Buffett made us.” Gyro admitted in a huff. “Trust me. We aren’t fans.”

Heidi laughed. “Doesn’t explain the clothing but I’ll go along with the lie.” 

“He bought us the clothes too! We aren’t fans!”

“Whatever, dude.” She shrugged. She guessed they were telling the truth but she just wanted to fuck with the both of them. “Since you guys are such huge fans of my pal, Jimmy, you should go to the Red Star Rock Bar. It’s a real nice five star place around here. Jimmy goes there sometimes. But not often enough to annoy me when I’m working over there.” She looked over at Jimmy Buffet in a ridiculing fashion before looking back at them. “It’s pretty expensive but I bet I can get you guys a discount on some drinks. Not that you need it.” 

Gyro put a hand up. “I’ll pass, I’m not into the bar scene. But thanks anyway.” 

“Don’t mind him, he’s lame. I’ll take you up on those discounted drinks though! Yeet!”

The “yeet” Mark said made Heidi cringe an absurd amount. “Yeah okay.” An idea popped into her head. “Oh! You know what! You seem like a rave type of guy!” 

“Hell yeah I do!”

Heidi smiled devilishly. “You into drugs?”

“Who isn’t these days?”

“I’m not. God I hate them. BUT I have an offer for you.” She leaned against the table. “After my shift at the Red Star Rock Bar tonight, I’ll take you to the biggest rave in town. The reason being I have some drug dealer friends who could really use the money from a rich guy. I promise it’s quality Edible Goldfish. Straight from the carribean. Apparently there is a new recipe and everyone’s flipping out about it but my pals can’t seem to get enough sales.” 

“Finally! Something cool about Florida! Alright I’ll be there but this better be the litest, dopest, and most turnt rave like, ever! I’ve heard about the Florida men and I expect that type of insane there!”

“This is Florida, you’ll get.” She winked. “But if you keep using terms like “turnt” and “dopest”, my friends won’t sell you the quality shit, even if they need the moolah. They’ll want to keep some of their pride.”

“Ugh I know how to talk to drug dealers, I’m not an idiot!”

“Sure you aren’t.” Finally Heidi looked at Gyro. “Anyway. I’m guessing you ain’t into raves either. What are you into? Museums or something?”

“Why do you care?”

“Because I’m trying to be nice and give you assholes something to do down here. Jeez.”

“Okay, yeah I like museums.” Gyro admitted. “But you cannot tell me they're good science museums in Tampa, Florida.” 

“Um, actually Mr. Know-it-all, there is. I work at one.”

Gyro raised a brow. “Do you work everywhere?!”

“I never went to college. Of course I work everywhere. Here.” She took out her phone and showed Gyro a photo of a building. “This is the Museum of Science and Industry. I know this is a redneck town where people come to drink, retire, and become chronically obese while the eat on the beach all day but we have good museums in everything you can imagine. I’ve been to them all. Yes, some of them suck, but this one doesn’t. That’s why I haven’t quit yet. Shitty science museums- actually, shitty museums in general piss me off even though it’s not my thing.” 

Gyro took the phone from her and zoomed in on the photo. “Wow… that looks pretty advanced actually.”

“Sure, is.” Heidi wrote something down on her notepad before ripping it and placing it on the table. “Here’s my number so if you guys need something to do, give me a call, kay?” She looked at Gyro one final time. “I can get you into the museum for free too. I know you can pay for it too but-”

“Oh no, trust me. I need the help.”

Heidi frowned. “Really? I would’ve never guessed when you work for Scrooge McDuck in the science department.” She shrugged. “Well, that’s none of my business. I’ve been nosy enough. Anyway, I’ll be back with your shitty salads in a few. Peace out.” She did a chest bump and peace sign before yeeting the fuck out. Other tables were getting angry because she was taking so long. But that didn’t cause her to hurry up anyway. 

Mark took the number and immediately put it into his phone. “I forgot her name because I don’t care that much so I’ll just put her in as ‘emo chick’ because of the eyebrow piercing and edgy hair she has going on.”

“How creative.”

“I know right!? #thankssssss.” 

Gyro sighed. “Guess I’ll have to convince our dear friend Jimmy to get me a phone too.”

Mark laughed and returned to taking selfies. “That sounds like a you problem. And btw, you already gave me the tea so stop talking to me.”   
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	25. The Rave 2.0

Gloria kicked the sand below her like a child throwing a temper tantrum, accidentally hitting a rock and tripping. “This is fucking STUPID!” 

She was a bit tipsy after her 10 or so margaritas (yep, only tipsy) as she walked down the beach with Ellie outside of said Margaritaville. 

“I can’t believe Jimmy Fucking Buffett gave me a limit! I gave that man motherfucking Edible Goldfish! I should be getting all the free drinks I fucking want! Bullshit I tell you!”

Ellie frowned. “We can stop at another bar soon if you would like. Though it is bad for your liver.” 

“Man, who gives a shit. I can probably just get a liver transplant or whatever the hell it's called. Is that a thing? Whatever. I’ll make it a thing.”

“It is a thing. It is known as a hepatic transplantation.” Ellie stated before quickly eyeing Gloria up and down. “Do you always get like this when you are upset? I have never seemed to notice before.” 

Gloria gave her a confused look “Get like fucking what?!”

Ellie ignored the sudden aggression. “The drinking.” She pointed out. 

“Bitch, I always drink. This shits ain’t new.” 

“Not according to my observations. You usually absorb 27.6 ounces of alcoholic fluid per day, but you just consumed more than 80 ounces in one sitting.” 

“Yeah? And who cares if I did, they're just weak margaritas! No big deal!”

“I simply am just concerned for your well-being is all.” 

Gloria shrugged and frowned “I’m fine.”

It was wise to leave it at that but Ellie wasn’t good at picking up squat or staying out of a homie’s business. “No you are not. Is it about Gyro?” 

“Of course it’s about him! That motherfucker fucking broke up with me! This whole thing is dumb as hell.”

Ellie had no idea what to say to that, especially because Gloria was very angry compared to her usual self. Beside, every supportive thing Ellie could think of to say, she already said in Margaritaville. Her default mode was to start stating facts out of feeling awkward “Hell cannot be ‘dumb’ because it is a theoretical place.”

Gloria’s mood shifted from being very pissed off to very upset in a matter of moments. She immediately broke down crying and falling to sit on the sand. “THIS IS FUCKING STUPID! He didn’t even fucking give me the fucking chance to let me correct myself! He said some fucked up shit to me and I forgave him! Did I say that we should take a break?! YEAH! But that was short lived! GOD DAMNIT! I SAY ONE WRONG THING THAT I IMMEDIATELY REGRETTED AND HE JUST-” Gloria wasn’t even able to finish her sentence. She started to cry hander, burying her face in her hands. From all of the crying and drinking, she was starting to get another headache.

The two didn’t speak for a while. Ellie was bereft of speech. She had never seen Gloria this upset before and was utterly stumped as she watched her friend become a mess like the sand around the two of them. 

The only other sounds other than the ocean and Gloria’s sobs, were drunk retired people and crying children walking on the beach in the background. 

Eventually, Ellie convinced herself to move and sit beside Gloria. “This is very idiotic.” Surprising even herself, she went the complete opposite route of comforting. Nothing seemed to be going right for the two of them so she wasn’t going to pretend anymore. She laughed. “It is so funny that this was supposed to be a relaxing vacation. But the only thing we get is my Uncle Glomgold ruining everything, getting involved with drugs and gangs, having to save a cruise ship from sinking, killing more people, getting stranded, and THEN getting fucked over by our ‘boyfriends’ in Florida of all places. Camp Godgold central.” Ellie scoffed. Now she was the one starting to get a bit pissed. “I thought all we needed was a break from villains but I suppose I was wrong. I now believe the villains kept us distracted from the obscure amount of fights we were supposed to be having with one another from the start. I do not understand what either of us did to deserve any of this.” 

Gloria wiped her eyes and shot an old couple walking by the ocean together in the distance with a very angry glare as if they did something wrong. “And people wonder why I fucking drink and get high all the time…”

There was more silence between the two of them before Gloria continued. “You’re right. It’s always one awful event after another that we never get a break from. It’s like this shit karma that we can’t break! And no, I’m not sure what we did to deserve this shit either.” She hugged her legs before she continued “Our situation right now is even worse that we still have to see both Gyro and Mark everyday. Maybe I should just do what Gyro is waiting for and just leave… I don’t want to leave you guys but I don’t know what else to do.”

“Gloria…” Ellie hesitated. “Should… should we just leave? Think about it. Why are we even sticking around them to begin with? I suggest we just head back to Duckburg and leave them here to do whatever they want to do in Tampa, Florida. And once we return, we figure out what to do from there. You can do whatever your heart desires. And I… I do not know. Perhaps I will get citizenship in Canada and start over there. Go to college and become a kindergarten teacher like I always wanted to do since the past 3 weeks.” She sighed. “I do not know what I would do about Boyd though… taking him away from Gyro like that.” 

“I didn’t want to say it but yeah I’ve been kind of thinking about leaving…” Gloria stared at the sand while she spoke. “As great as that sounds, the chaos would just follow us so it’s not like we will ever have peace. Also exactly what you just said about Boyd. Gyro isn’t going to just give you Boyd for you to leave the country with him… and I know you don’t want to leave without him which is understandable because he is like your son too. Plus what if something happens to you? Mark is the only one who would know what to do to help.” Gloria rested her head on her knees with her head tilted to the side where Ellie was sitting. She continued to stare blankly. “And as for me… the girl who is a pro of leaving… I don’t think I can this time, Ellie. I wish Gyro knew this but I really, truly, don’t want to leave and move city to city anymore. I still love him and I want to stay.” Gloria started to feel torn about her two options. Leaving would be the easiest solution but it would only be a “solution” for a few days. Weeks tops. They both knew that they had to stay.

“I know. You are correct…” The tense environment subsided, growing barren as Ellie looked over to Gloria. “May I ask you a question?”

Gloria sniffled but nodded.

“Earlier at Margaritaville when I said that I believe that my love for Mark is somehow in my programming unintentionally… I still believe that full-heartedly. Metaphorically, of course, since I do not have organs.” Ellie felt the need to point that out as if Gloria had forgotten that very obvious fact. “But, if that is the case since he is the one who ‘invented’ me and what have you… is that not wrong? Or ‘messed up’ as you would put it? For me to unintentionally be forced to love him? I have no actual evidence but should I request Gyro to take a look at my data? I do not know what to do.” She tensed up before continuing. “I do love certain things about Mark that I have told him before… but I also have some weird obsession with him I cannot explain. During our break up on the cruise, I almost jumped, Gloria. Into the ocean. A part of it was because I was and am so tired of being a robot and being treated differently as well as being a terrible mother to Boyd… but another large factor was the fact I was forced to be away from Mark. I am unstable without him. I suppose I just did not realize it until earlier today.” 

Gloria sat up straight and looked at Ellie while she spoke. She had no idea where to even begin with that because there was so much to unpack. “Shit Ellie…” she rubbed her forehead while she was trying to think about what to say next. “I am so sorry… but knowing Mark Beaks, that wouldn’t surprise me if he did something like that to you. I don’t think it would hurt anything if you talked to Gyro about it. I’m not an expert but maybe it's a bit of both programming and just your actual feelings? I don’t know that for sure obviously, but for your sake I would hope that it’s something that you are feeling by your own free will and not something your programming just made you do.”

“I hope so as well, but if it ends up truly being my own free will it’ll only hurt more when he-”

“Hey! You’re the two chicks I served a few hours ago, right? Small town.” Heidi was being sarcastic. She just got off work and Margaritaville was less than a mile away. “No seriously. This is a small town. I have no idea why you guys are here on vacation or whatever the hell you have going on.” 

Gloria’s nose scrunched up from the heavy cigar scent coming off of Heidi. 

“... are you two going to say something or are you just going to stare. It’s because of my piercing isn’t it?” 

Gloria wiped her face one more time for good measure. Just in case it still looked like she was just crying. “No, your piercing is cool as hell. Sorry. We aren’t really enjoying our “vacation” at the moment.”

Heidi frowned when she noticed Gloria’s eyes had evidence of crying, that or she was high. The other girl, who’s name Jimmy didn’t even know, just had a blank expression which was kind of creepy. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything. My bad, guys. I just can’t mind my business sometimes.” She really couldn’t because she continued to stand there. “Tampa makes me cry all the time. Mainly because of the high population of elderly republicans.” 

“I do not understand.” Ellie interjected.

Heidi raised the brow that had a piercing on it. “Ya know, republicans, am I right?” 

“Pardon?”

“Oh God, you’re one of them aren’t you. Sorry. Didn’t mean to offend.” 

Gloria intervened “No no she’s not. She’s chill.”

Heidi took out a cigarette. “Either of you want one?” She held one out to Gloria specifically. 

Gloria smiled and took it from her. “Thanks. Do you have a lighter on ya, too?”

“Obviously.” She took out one that had Jimmy Buffett’s face on it. “Sorry. It’s a bit tainted by Satan himself.” She pointed to the photo.

Gloria took the lighter from Heidi and observed the image of Jimmy Buffet a bit closer to see what she was talking about. Gloria lit her cigarette and handed the lighter back to Heidi. “You’re not a fan of Jimmy but you work for him. Do you hate him because you work for him?”

“Bingo.” 

“He seems like a chill guy outside of work. But he seems like he’s never had stress ever in his life.”

“Well, duh. He’s on Edible Goldfish and other drugs all the time. Of course he’s chill.” Heidi looked over to Ellie. “Sorry I didn’t offer you a cig, you don’t look like the smoker type.”

“Pardon?”

“Anyway, why are you guys vacationing here if you hate it so much?” 

“It’s a long story but basically we were kind of forced to be here due to unforeseen circumstances. But that seems like the story everyone who ever goes to Florida says.”

Heidi laughed. “God. You couldn’t be more right even if you tried.” She finally lit up her own cig. “Okay. Sorry to ask but Jimmy said you two were the ones to sell him Edible Goldfish? You can’t be serious. Neither of you look like you could harm a fly. Sort of. I see trauma in your eyes but that’s not by business, boo.” She was specifically speaking to Gloria because, again, Ellie’s face remained lifeless. 

“Well I guess you’re not wrong. Selling Edible Goldfish was a side job for the two of us. You could say that it was something that really only happened in one chapter of our lives.”

“Yeah yeah. I gotcha. Did you make, too?” 

“Hell yeah we did. Made it better, actually. But Ellie here was the one behind that part of the job.”

Heidi looked back over to Ellie. “You’re kidding.”

Ellie returned the confused glare. “I do not understand. There was no hint of humor in her statement.” 

“Wait a second.” Heidi put her arm on her knee to let some of the ash from her cigarette fall on the sand quickly before going back to it. “How long ago was this?” 

“I dunno… about two weeks ago?”

“YOU GUYS WERE THE ONES BEHIND THE NEW RECIPE?!” 

Gloria and Ellie looked at each other. They bounced shortly after they did all of that work for the black market. They had no idea that their contribution was that well known. Gloria spoke up “That depends. Is the new recipe better now?”

Heidi shrugged. “Dunno. I’m not the drug type, but based on how freaked everyone is about it, I’d say it’s an improvement. Needless to say, my pals are making some good money. Not a lot, but better for sure.” 

“Well, hey, that’s awesome! Honestly Ellie and I were just fucking around with the black market so it’s cool to hear that something kinda came out of it.”

“Ha! I would’ve never guessed the black market needed help from two scrawny babes. No offense.” 

“Pardon?” Ellie remained confused throughout the entire conversation but Heidi didn’t pay any mind to it. 

“I dunno if you two are looking for work, but my motorcycle gang, the one that sells, is looking for some help on sales at some rave tonight. If you need to make a quick buck or two, I’m sure they’d be happy to let you guys join. Especially if I tell them you two were behind the whole new recipe thing.” Heidi finally stood up. “There’s no way I’d be able to convince you two to actually give them the recipe, but that’d be pretty cool of you. They’re struggling a bit.” 

Gloria’s face lit up “Yo shut the fuck up! You’re in a motorcycle gang?! So was I! A few years back! We traveled across the West together. But anyways that’s besides the point. We really have no intentions with Edible Goldfish anymore. It’s not like we are trying to copyright it or anything so if it’ll help your friends out, I wouldn’t mind sharing the recipe. Do you Ellie?” 

She shook her head. “No I do not mind. If people want to risk their health by doing illegal and very unorthodox drugs, that is none of my business.” 

“No shit. You guys aren’t so bad. I had my doubts at first since you were chilling with Jimmy but I guess I have poor judgement.” She took out the notepad she still had on her from her shift and scribbled down something before handing it to Gloria. “If you guys are in, here’s the rave time and address. Hell, Glo, maybe we can talk about motorcycles and shit if you show.” 

She looked down at the address before looking back up at Heidi. “Yeah we’ll be there. It’s not like there’s anything else to do in Tampa. It’ll be fun, thanks, ummm… I’m sorry what’s your name again?”

“Heidi. And you’re Glo and El, got it.” 

“It is Ellie, actually.”

“You seem like a very literal person. That’s fine by me.” Heidi waved them off. “Well, see ya ‘round.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

That night, before her shift at the Red Star Rock Bar, Heidi made sure her winged eyeliner was extra on point. So sharp it could slice a bitch’s throat. She always did that while working at bars, along with wearing tight, gothic clothes, because it ended up with her getting extra tips from drunk men. They liked the look of a sexy, biker girl serving them drinks. But tonight was extra important because she was going to a rave with the Mark Beaks. 

Her extra get up seemed to be working too based on her tips that were growing a lot faster than usual. She had another hour in her shift so she could probably make enough money to help her friends. 

Even with the money she wanted to make so desperately, it was tempting to just ask to leave early so she could stop listening to the horrible voice that was currently at the karaoke station singing Margaritaville. It was bad enough it was her least favorite song that was a fan favorite, but what made it worse was the fact it was an overweight, crust ass, smelly ass, Scottish man who YELLED everything rather than singing. 

Heidi’s eardrums were about to burst when her lord and savior, Duck Jesus, spared her. She doubted his existence but that must’ve been a sign because she was a hair away from smashing her head into a glass. 

Nevermind. He definitely didn’t exist because said crusty ass Scottish man came wandering over to the bar. Oh well. There wasn’t enough space for him to-

“MOVE!” 

He shoved the richest man at the bar to the ground so he could take the spot, making Heidi’s eye twitch. 

“OI! GOTH WOMAN!”

Heidi bet her ass this man wasn’t rich so she wasn’t even going to try being nice. “What?”

“YOOH GOT GOLDFISH?!”

She paused for a second. “Do you mean edible goldfish?” If he did, maybe he did have money to spare for a good tip.

“YEAH! THE KIND WITH EXTRA CHEESE!”

Okay yeah. He was talking about actual goldfish. “We don’t have that, sir.” Heidi put the most attitude she could in her sentence to hopefully get him to leave. She didn’t care if he gave the bar 1 star on Yelp and a shit review. 

Glomgold threw his head back and let out a long and heavy scottish grunt. “WHY CAN’T I FIND ANY GOLDFISH! UGHHHHH!”

Heidi was about to walk away to tend to another man that was holding up his glass when Glomgold leaned over the table to grab her arm.

“YOOH GOT APPLE JUICE?!”

She tugged her arm away. “This is a bar.” 

“WOT KIND OF BAR DOESN’T HAVE APPLE JUICE FOR I, FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, THE SECOND RICHEST DUCK IN THE WORLD.”

Heidi was ignoring him and already grabbed the glass from the other man when her head snapped back toward the fat stack of a duck. She ran over, almost dropping the beer stained glass. 

“You’re the second richest duck in the world? Next to Scrooge McDuck!?” 

He scoffed. “UM, YEAH! I WAS DICTATOR OF DUCKBURG UNTIL I WAS OVERTHROWN BY A BUFF MOTHERFUCKER!” He started picking his nose. “NOW WHERE’S MEH APPLE JUICE!?”

She nodded her head and placed the glass she was holding down. She would get to that man’s drink in a second. “Um, y-yeah! I’ll see what I can do, sir!” 

“OKEH! BUT JUST SO YA KNOW, I WON’T BE ABLE TO PAY! DO YOOH TAKE ‘I O YOOH!’ CARDS?!” 

“...what do you mean you can’t pay? Did you leave your wallet because there is an ATM down the street.” She plastered on a somewhat irritated smile.

“NOOOOO! DUCKBURG TOOK ALL MEH MONEH!” 

She frowned and it ended up showing some of the creases in her lip where she missed plastering on black lipstick. “So what you’re saying is, you aren’t the second richest duck in the world?”

“NO BUT I WILL BE VERY SOON WHEN MEH FAMILEH TAKES ME BACK TO DUCKBURG! THEN I’LL TAKE IT OVER AGAIN MUAHAHAHAHAHHA!” 

“Screw off. If you want apple juice all the kiddie restaurants are closed. Chuck E Cheese opens at 10 am.” 

“Oh… Well yer see, I’m banned from all Chuck E Cheese establishments due to uhhhh… strangling incidents.” Glomgold hated to admit that. He scratched his beard awkwardly. There was some weird dust and sand coming out of his beard.

She ignored him, picking up the other man’s beer stained glass again. “I’ll be right with you, sir! Sorry for the wait!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Yo yo yoooooo Beaks has entered the chat! Pew pew pew!” Does it even need to be said at this point who said that?

No one heard him because of how loud the bar was. All he got was an irritated look from an old, balding fart. This place may have been 5 stars, but the people sure as hell weren’t. That’s Florida for you. 

“Yo yo yooooo, Heidi has entered the chat.” She pushed her way between two drunk women, playfully mocking Mark, before nudging him on the shoulder. “That was probably the stupidest entrance I have ever seen. And that’s saying a lot.” 

She handed him a drink before he had the chance to say anything. “I got you a Tom Collins. Free drink, just like I said.” 

“Yooooooo that’s dope as hell! Thanks!” Mark smiled at her before drinking his Tom Collins. “How did you know that I like this drink?”

“Okay, not to be creepy, but I follow all of your social media accounts.” She laughed. “You posted a lot of those,” she gestured to the drink, “When you were on that cruise. Still don’t know how you ended up here but whatever.” 

“Ugh! It’s such a long story how we got here but anyways, super dope of you to follow me! That’s very smart of you!” Mark knew exactly the photos Heidi was talking about but that didn’t stop him from pulling out his phone to double check.

“Did you walk here or something? You’re sweating like a mad man.” She made a face that hinted at the fact he smelled, but in a joking manner. 

“YEAH! Such bullshit! I normally just hoverboard around but because I’m stuck here without it, I have to actually use my legs! Ugh… Plus, even if I got my hoverboard guy to send me a new one, I can’t hoverboard on the sand, which is like, everywhere! Florida sucksssssssssss!”

“Yeah but it’s cheap if you know where to look. Doesn’t suck too much if you look at it that way.” She took Mark’s empty glass and placed it at a table that had yet to be cleaned. Her co-worker could handle it. “Anyway, I’m a biker girl if you didn’t know.” Of course he didn’t, yet she pointed to her chest like she was super proud of it. “You can just ride on the back of my motorcycle to the rave if you’re cool with that. I don’t see a guy like you taking a local Uber.” 

Mark shuddered at the mere thought of him taking an Uber. “Cool! Lets goooooooooooo!” Mark started walking to her motorcycle as if he knew exactly where it was. He didn’t.

Heidi was smart enough to know he was about to make himself look like an idiot so she bolted in front of him to lead the way before it got to that point. “I don’t have an extra helmet so you can either borrow mine or try not to die.” 

“Yeah okay ummmmm let me have the helmet becauseeeeeeeee…” He had no solid explanation, he’s just a dick. “I can’t die on my followers! Plue you ride, like, all the time I bet sooo yep you’re good! Gimme helmet pleaseeeee!” Mark had his hands outstretched for Heidi to give him her helmet.

She yeeted it at him with no mercy and he had to shield his face. 

“God, don’t be such a pussy. Put that shit on and get on the back.” She hopped on and patted the seat behind her. She was ready to go within seconds. 

Mark whined as he shoved the biker helmet over his head. His complaints were hard to hear but Heidi could manage. “Oh my gooooood! You almost hit me in the faccccceeeeeeeeee. Do you know how badly I could sue you if even so much as a scratch was on my face?!”

She side eyed him and gave him a cunning ass smile. “You think you’d actually get money out of me? Pah-lease!” Heidi was already on the road so she had to yell at him. Whether he heard her or not was a problem for him. 

That made Mark super pissy and he started yelling at her about how he had loads of lawyers and blah blah you know the drill by this point. Lucky for Heidi it was too difficult to make out all of what he was saying so she just ignored him as best as she could. It wasn’t until they were 5 minutes into their drive when he was still yelling that Heidi decided to play loud 80s punk rock to tune him out. 

It remained that way until they arrived at the rave. It wasn’t a long drive at all, but it was long enough for Mark to finally shut the hell up by the time they got there. 

She kicked the kickstand out, parking her bike in a somewhat sketchy alley. The loud music was vibrating through the brick walls of the warehouse. “What happened? Your lungs collapse or something?” 

“Look you gotta chill out with all those bad vibes you're giving me! It’s not cool and I am coming to this rave to get down and have good vibes! Soooooo yeah. Chill. Kay, thanks.”

That earned another loud laugh from her and she placed the helmet on the bike before leading him to the entrance. “Bad vibes?” It was hard to hear her, not only because of her unstoppable laughter, but also because the music seemed to have pumped up a shit ton as they drew near. “Dude, nah. That’s my way of flirting!” She punched his shoulder. “I wouldn’t seriously insult a billionaire.” 

Mark held his hands up like he was trying to stop her. “Ha! I’m flattered. Really. But I’m in a relationship right now so yeah. Thanks though!”

“Oh, damn…” Heidi awkwardly cleared her throat. This wasn’t her first time flirting with a taken rich guy but it didn’t stop her from feeling bad. “Sorry, dude. I just figured based off of all your ‘break up’ tweets. I didn’t mean to push it.” 

“Omgggggggg I totally forgot that I even posted that! It felt so long ago! Ha ha but yeah the reason why they were deleted to begin with is because the break up was unbroken again!” He smiled as if it was something to be proud about. Not only did he get Ellie back but he also gained 50,000 more followers from that emotional rollercoaster back on the cruise.

“Aye! Good for you, dude!” She pumped her fist in the air as they entered the rave. “I say you celebrate by getting some of that good shit!” She pointed to a corner where her dealer friends were. “I told you they got the good kush! Oh! I’ll introduce you to them and everything! They’re cool as fuck, promise.” 

“Hell yeahhhhhhh! That’s what the Beaks-man is all aBOUT!” Mark was waving his hands in the air in a way that only Mark knew made sense. He was about to make this rave his bitch!

Heidi took his hand to drag him through the crowd. She kicked all the drunk people out of the way for him and everything. “MOVE! WE GOT MARK BEAKS COMING THROUGH!”

That only earned screams from fangirls and boys. Some fainted. There were lots of flashing coming from phones while he walked passed and Mark made sure to pose for every single one as he was being dragged away by Heidi.

She let go of his hand once they got to the sketchy drug corner that was littered with gang symbols on the wall. One of the guys even brought his motorbike in. It had killer graffiti of a nude woman/dragon on it. “Yo, Mark! This is Vic, V-I-C, don’t ask what it stands for. Then we got T-bag and Tina; cutest couple on the PLANET! And finally there’s C-note and Dingles!” 

Mark opened up his BeaksCoin app on his phone and looked up at all of the drug dealers. “Cool cool cool alright so what do you guys have for me that’s hella expensive and will get me hella high! I’m talking higher than the clouds! Like, I’m in fucking space and I see aliens speaking to me high!”

“No way! You brought Mark Beaks here?!” Vic almost spit out his beer.

Heidi nodded. “Yep! Told y’all I’d help you make more moola!”

T-bag nodded in approval. “Chillax, man. Well, it sounds to me like you want some LSD. You’ve ever been on that shit before?”

Mark shot him a look “Uh, of course I have! But what I’m asking for is the bougiest collection of drugs you can give me!”

Tina, who was leaning on T-bag, smirked. “Oh, a collection, huh? Well we can give you a little party bad- no, fuck it, a LARGE party bag of LSD, Weed, Meth, Heroin, AND our best product, Edible Goldfish.”

“But lemme tell ya,” Dingles shot his head up after snorting said Edible Goldfish. “All that shit is gonna cost a lot if you want a large party bag. The small one ain’t cheap either. You gotta be, like, a millionaire or something.” 

“He’s a BILLIONAIRE, idiot!” C-Notes slapped the back of Diggles head, letting it hit the poorly set up table that was the same kind that girl scouts sold cookies on.

“OWWWWW MAN!” 

Mark was starting to get impatient. He didn’t want to keep talking to these guys; he really just wanted to get high and dance. “So do we gotta a deal or…?” He trailed off before showing them his phone which still had his BeaksCoin app opened. “Y’all take BeaksCoin?”

“We do now.” 

“Great! New users of my super awesome app woot woot! Okay, so is four million enough?” 

T-bag nearly passed out. “FOUR MILLION?!” That shit only cost half a mil at best. 

Tina punched him. “Yeah, four million? Really? Dude it’s six.” 

Mark shot her a look “Will you throw in some glow sticks in my party bag? I’ll need it for the rave.”

This man was literally going to pay two million extra dollars for glow sticks. 

T-bags smiled and held up his phone to show the newly downloaded app. “Sure thing, bud. Sure thing.” 

Vic was already preparing the large party bag. He threw in some other stuff too just because he felt bad they were ripping this guy off so badly. He may have been a drug dealer, but he was a drug dealer with morals. 

T-Bags waved his phone in the air. “Tick-Tock Mr. Beaks. You paying or what? We got a line.” He moved his eyes to the large swarm of people behind Mark, who were waiting for their weekly drugs. 

“On it, chief!” All Mark had to do was press the screen on his app that said “pay”. He looked up to see if Vic was given the notification that he received his money.

T-bags had and he nodded to Vic to hand over the goods.

Vic shuffled all over, nervous-like since he was giving drugs to a 5 star celebrity. “Here you go, Mr. Mark Beaks.” He whispered. 

“Littttttt! Thanks, guys! Laterzzzzzz!” Mark didn’t wait to hear their farewells. Homeboy already left to go sit at the bar, opening up his goody bag to see what kind of goods he just ordered. He wasn’t going to lie, he was very excited to see the glow sticks. That was the first thing he pulled out and immediately strapped around his neck and wrist.

“Mar,” That was the stupidest nickname Heidi had given anyone, ever, but it popped out anyway. “How about you shoot up and then we dance?” 

“Hey, you don’t have to tell me twice, queen! You want some? They gave me, like, a lot of weed!” He held up the baggie of weed to prove his point.

“Mmmm,” She thought about that for a moment. “I’m not one to do drugs, but we all know weed doesn’t count.” She held out her hand. 

Mark gave her the entire bag. “Take it all. They gave me 3 more bags!”

She smiled and already started rolling up some. “Hey, thanks by the way. My friends really needed the help on sales.” 

“It’s cool. I just hope Florida drugs don’t suck!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

As soon as Ellie and Gloria entered the rave, Ellie immediately tugged on Gloria’s arm to get her attention.

“I do not plan on staying very long. The last rave I went to did not go so well.” She pointed to her hair. 

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t plan on staying long either. Just long enough for me to get high so I can go home and sleep.”

‘Home’ was now a shitty Margaritaville themed motel Jimmy Buffett was kind enough to get them. They each had their own separate rooms, all decorated with the most Florida merch you can think of. 

Ellie nodded before quickly looking around the large room. “Do you see Heidi anywhere? It is fairly dark and the flashing lights make it hard for me to scan and identify.” 

“Nope. I guess we can just roam around until we find her.” Gloria shrugged.

“She said she was in a biker gang, correct?” Ellie pointed to a corner. “There is a motorcycle over there.” 

Gloria scanned the room until she saw the motorcycle Ellie was talking about. “Sure. It wouldn’t hurt to check.” The two made their way over to the motorcycle and the group of men and women surrounding it. They were all wearing the same black leather jackets and red bandanas on their head.

“Oh!” Ellie stepped forward and smiled. “Do you happen to be Heidi’s motorcycle gang who happen to also deal Edible Goldfish?” 

The guy who was leaning against the bike glared at her. “You know Heidi…?” The five members all exchanged looks, thinking she was out of her mind.

“Yes. She told Gloria and I,” Ellie pointed to the both of them, “At the beach this morning that she would like us to help you deal. Also, I believe something about you wanting the recipe to the new version of edible goldfish we worked on back on the Carribean islands with the black market.” 

One of the members gasped. The same guy leaning against the bike spoke up again. “Wait a minute. You two are the ones Heidi told us about?! The two chicks who changed the recipe for Edible Goldfish?!”

Ellie tilted her head. “I apologize. Did I stutter?” 

They all looked at each other again. “Alright so you guys gonna help us sell tonight or what? We just got an entire pint of the stuff last night. It would really help all of us out if at least half of it was sold before the rave is over. Think you girls can manage?”

“We can but only if you say please.” Ellie stated bluntly. 

“...what?”

Gloria finally spoke up. “Whatever. Where’s the shit?! I wanna help you guys sell but I also wanna get high as fuck tonight!”

“...but they do not have manners.” Ellie muttered under her breath. No one heard her so it didn’t really matter. 

Vic tossed Gloria some LSD in the form of small stickers. “High as in high?” 

Gloria looked at the LSD before back at Vic. “This’ll do. So how can we help?”

C-Note laughed. “It’s not complicated, just sell and…” He felt around his jacket before pulling out a used napkin. “And writing down the recipe and instructions would be nice.” 

Ellie scoffed as she looked down at the napkin. “That is disgusting.” She pulled out a notepad from her purse, the one Gyro gave everyone on the cruise ship when they were planning how to retrieve the Helm from Ma Beagle and save the ship. She also had a pen because she’s a mom. “I will write it down for you on something presentable. I am not good at selling, by the way. That is Gloria’s job.” 

T-bag shrugged. “Whatevs” and then handed Gloria some goody bags. “Here. Think you can grab some peoples’ attention?” 

“Sure, but how much are we charging per bag?”

“Large ones are half a mil, small ones are one fourth of a mil. If someone wants them sold separately, bring them to us.” Tina answered. 

Gloria shot the member and Ellie a finger gun gesture before heading into the large crowd of people.

Ellie handed Dingles, since he was the closest to her, the clean slip of paper that had the recipe, directions, as well as butterfly designs on it. “It would also not hurt your sales to use manners with your clients, as well as fear. It seemed to have worked when I suggested as such.” She took out her phone to check her messages. There was nothing. “Anyway, I need to leave to speak with the caretaker of my child. I hope I will not run into you buffoons again.” 

The 5 gang members didn’t even say anything, they just looked at her strangely as she left to dial up Gyro.

Jimmy Buffett had only given her a flip phone but she didn’t mind, obviously. Her only complaint was the texting was slow. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was too dark for Mark to really see what he was doing with his drugs so he decided on taking it outside to shoot up. For the aesthetic of it all, at least in Mark’s mind, he thought it would be cool if he started shooting up in the dark alleyway connected to the rave building. He was hating how gross it was but whatever he saw it happen all the time in movies. He sat on the ground next to a large dumpster and started to rummage through his goody bag. There were so many options for him to choose from. Before he did anything he made sure to take quick selfies of him and his goody bag. The alleyway was too dark for anything to be really noticeable in his photos. The only thing he could see in the pictures was his glowsticks. He scoffed at the shitty lightning before shrugging it off to rummage through his goody bag again.

He was about to make a comment to himself about how dope the rave was going to be now that he was getting high but he stopped himself when he heard the main entrance door creaking open. His heart sank when he saw that it was Ellie, walking outside to make a call. She didn’t see him and Mark wanted it to stay that way.

He quickly made his way over to the other side of the dumpster so he wouldn’t be seen. He leaned forward to see what Ellie was doing. She was pressing the buttons on her phone. He waited and listened to get the tea about Ellie’s call.

Ellie tapped her foot impatiently before the other end finally picked up. She scoffed. “Gyro, I told you to text me about Boyd’s well being before 10:00 post meridiem. It is 10:01 post meridiem. I also told you to pick up before the third ring but that can be spoken about later.” 

Gyro was sniffling on the other end. “Wha- oh, sorry. I lost track of time.” 

“How do you lose-” Ellie gasped. “You are not drunk are you?!” 

“What?! No of course not! Why would I do something like that when Boyd is here with me?”

“I do not know. It was the only reason I could think of why on earth you lost track of time. You are usually rather punctual.” Ellie decided she didn't want to push further on that particular situation. He wasn’t drunk so that’s all that mattered. “Is Boyd doing alright? Did you put him to bed?” 

“Yes, he’s fine and yes he went to bed at exactly 8:30 like you asked.” Based on his tone, it was clear that he was in no mood to be talking right now.

Ellie was about to hang the fuck up on him because of his pissy tone but stopped herself. “It is not my business, but have you been crying?” 

There was another faint sniff before Gyro replied, “You’re right. That is none of your business.”

“Excuse me?! If I was in the same room as you I would beat your ass.” Ellie was also more snappy than usual since she was at a rave. A place she really didn’t want to be at. 

Gyro sighed. Obviously, Ellie couldn’t see, but he wiped his eyes on the other end. “Sorry sorry. Look, is Gloria doing alright?”

Ellie had a quick flashback to literally all the crying Gloria did that day. “Not really.” 

“Oh… well can you tell her-”

Ellie put her hand up to stop him. It wouldn’t have worked, but the noise she made gave him a clue of what gesture she was doing on the other end. “No. I am not going to play referee here. If you wish to tell her something, you should tell her yourself in person.” Ellie paused and leaned against the wall. “This isn’t my place to say but you really hurt her, Gyro.” 

“She really hurt me too.” 

“I am sure. But I am not the one to speak to about this, I should not have pushed the conversation onward.” Ellie was about to hang up again when she remembered something. “Before I let you go, I have a question about my programming.” 

“What about it?”

“At the party on the beach last week when you said you had no idea why I took Mark back, well you were right. I should not have but I did. And I should leave him now but I will not.” Ellie’s knees started shaking so she decided on sitting down. “I have this obsession with him and I am incredibly unstable without him, as I am sure you have noticed. I believe I mentioned so as well. Needless to say, I theorized that my ‘love’ for him somehow unintentionally ended up in my programming. I do not think it was on purpose, he is not malicious, but perhaps it may have happened because he was the one who built me. It does not feel like I have a choice in loving him anymore. It is like I am forced to against my will. Do you think that is possible?” 

Gyro collected his thoughts together before finally responding. “That could be the case? I mean, it’s a very possible scenario and I wouldn’t put it past a guy like Mark Beaks to do something like that.” He scoffed at his last statement for continuing “I wouldn’t know exactly unless I had you and some of my equipment with me.”

“...you… think it is possible Mark did so intentionally?” 

“Like I said, I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“At this point… I would not put it past him either.” Ellie thought for a moment. “What equipment do you need? Gloria and I are making money tonight, do not ask about that, but I will most likely be able to find it for you. I need you to check my programming… I need you to clarify that this is indeed the case so I can make decisions moving forth with all the information I need.” 

“I’m not sure exactly. I would have to do some research on that and look through old files back when I was programming Boyd. I’ll text you the list when I figure it out.”

“Okay, um, thank you. I will let you go now.” Ellie closed the flip phone without hearing what else Gyro had to say. All she knew was that she was pretty much fucked. She got up and went back inside, planning on telling Gloria she was going to head back to the motel. 

Mark waited and watched until Ellie was back inside the building. He really didn’t know what to make of everything he just overheard. He couldn’t ask his followers for any advice because his situation was too odd and specific, no one would have any good advice. He also couldn’t go to Ellie about it because then she would know that he was eavesdropping. Mark sat on the ground for a while with a blank stare, trying to figure out what he should do next. He eventually got up, grabbed his goody bag, and made his way back into the building as well. He figured that Heidi would be an easy person to talk to about what just happened. He started to roam around the building to look for her.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria was still making her rounds at the rave. So far she’s sold 6 small bags and 3 large bags of Edible Goldfish. She was making great progress in selling the shit out of those things. She made a mental note to find the people she already sold to and try selling to them again when they’re super high off of the stuff. They may be so out of it that they just buy more.

“Yo, Glo! You actually came!” A similar voice rang out. Heidi pushed through what looked like was shortly to become a foursome and gave Gloria a hug. 

Gloria hugged her back. “Of course I came! I would never pass up a chance to- well actually, I dunno what the fuck I’m doing but it’s fun!”

Heidi laughed at the fact Gloria clearly had already lost her marbles on whatever drugs she was on. “It looks to me like you’re dealing, but why don’t you take a break so we can chat and party for a bit!” 

“Yeah sure. These sweaty bitches can wait a while for their overpriced cheeto powder.”

“Remember to demand they give you and El 20% of your earnings tonight! If they don’t, I’ll beat the shit out of them!” Heidi waved the extra beer she had in front of Gloria. “Here! I was saving this for someone but I dunno where the fuck he went! You want it?” 

Gloria smiled and took the beer from her. “Do you even need to ask?” She chugged what was left of it in seconds flat.

“Alright, it’s none of my business. I say that all the time so it may as well be my catchphrase by now!” Heidi laughed like she made the joke of the century. She was a bit drunk herself, but not to the point she wasn’t aware. She didn’t like going overboard on alcohol. “But seriously, how did you end up here?!” 

It was wrong, but Heidi was using Gloria’s unaware state to her advantage. She was just that curious and had to know for her own sanity. 

“Oh wow yeah that was something! Fuck! So basically Ellie, Mark, Gyro, Boyd and I were all on vacation together on a cruise and everything was going all fine and dandy until Glomgold, Ellie’s uncle, fucking knocked all of us out somehow and put us in a lifeboat together with him. We were stranded on the lifeboat for- I dunno even know how long! It felt like years! But luckily we found land and that land happened to be 2 miles away from Tampa! It was fucking crazy.” Gloria started to sway back and forth while she spoke. 

Heidi let Gloria lean on her balance because if she swayed anymore she was probably going to end up throwing up. “Ha! I have no fucking words!” She honestly didn’t. Whatever she was expecting the story to be, it wasn’t that. “I had no idea you and El were with Mark and nerd boy either! INSANE! I should’ve guessed since you all have similar Jimmy Buffett outfits. They look stupid by the way.” Heidi frowned when she realized she didn’t have another beer. She didn’t want to get too wasted but she needed something a bit more. “Hey, wanna head to the bar with me so we continue chatting?! I wanna tell ya all about my motorcycles and shit!” 

“Hell fucking yes! I fucking miss talking to people about motorcycles and being in a motorcycle gang! Those guys are always the shit! Fucking rules.”

Heidi hooked her arm around Gloria’s so homie wouldn’t stumble over when they walked over to the popping bar. “Alright. So for starters, get this, I have an Ecosse ES1 Superbike! That’s right, babe! The one that costs 3.6 mil! Stole it from an old sugar daddy of mine after he got rid of me!” She laughed. “It was such an ugly orange though so I got my boy, Dingles, to give it a killer paint job! Man, wish I had a pic! But basically it’s a full ass skeleton to put it simply! A skeleton with BOOBS and FIRE!” 

Gloria gasped “Boobs AND fire?! Holy shittttt! That sounds fucking awesome! Do you still have it? Bitch, you gotta like, drive to Mexico or something!”

“Yeah I got the bike! I parked it outside! Could someone steal it? Sure, but I got a tracker! The last time someone stole it they got FUCKED UP by my gang!” She laughed. “It’s funny you mentioned Mexico, we were thinking about going there in a few years once we all have enough money! Not gonna lie, I haven’t been doing so hot! I need more financial stability before I do anything wild again!”

She held up what she had left of the Edible Goldfish. “Well, if you keep selling this bullshit to rave folks then I’m sure you’ll have plenty of money to go to Canada in no time!”

Heidi laughed that Gloria got Canada and Mexico mixed up in the heat of the moment. Close enough. “Nah, boo! Drug money goes fast! I need something more stable, ya dig?! Like, uh, another sugar daddy or something! Yeah! Haha!” 

“Yesssssss bitch! Get yourself a sugar daddy! Isn’t that what life is all about? Good for you!”

“Yeah yeah, but I’m thinking more like a sugar daddy marriage route! That way they can’t leave me! And if they do then I get half the money!” Heidi finally let go of Gloria as the two sat down at the bar. “I’m a genius! I know! ANYWAY! Tell me about your biker life!” Heidi waved a hand to get the bartender to bring over some strong drinks while she was at it. 

“There isn’t a lot to say. I kind of joined their gang on a whim and they were nice enough to let me travel across west with them until I settled in Vegas. We would party and drink in bars every night! God I miss those guys!”

Heidi took a shot. “What was the name of the gang? I might know of them. I was a part of a big one before I branched off to make my own with a few of my homies. The ones you met already.” 

“Satan’s Outlaws! Yeah they were a pretty small group too but I think they did the same thing where they broke off from a larger group.”

“We broke off from ‘The Cannibals’. Now we call ourselves ‘The Buzzards’. I think it’s as stupid of a name as you do but Vic wouldn’t stop crying about it.”

“Nah I don't think it’s a bad name. And anyways it’s not about the name, it’s about how fucking crazy you fucking get! Stupid name or not, if you fuck with people, then they will learn to fear that name!”

Heidi tilted her shot toward Gloria in appreciation before swinging it back. “Words of wisdom, Glo. My gang is pretty crazy around here. I think they murdered a few guys? I’m not sure. I stay out of stuff like that. I just like to ride around with my pals and listen to punk vinyls in my free time. Not that complicated, ya get, boo?” 

Gloria threw back her shot as well. “Man I know what you mean. Sounds like you have a pretty great life here in Florida.” She already started waving at the bartender for another shot.

“Nah. I wouldn’t say that. It’s pretty rough. My place is shit and I’m behind on rent. I don’t want to live like this forever.” Heidi decided to wave over a water. She was getting a bit more drunk than she would’ve liked and needed to get some of the alcohol out of her system to sober up. “This is going to sound crazy, Glo, since we just met and all, but you’re pretty cool! I think we’d be great pals in no time!” 

“Aw yeah I think you’re pretty cool too! We should just keep drinking like this every night!”

“I would if I didn’t have ten different jobs! I would’ve gone to college if my mom hadn’t advised against it. Capitalism is FUCKED!” 

Gloria was about to reply before Mark practically ran into the two of them. “Heidi! Dude! I’ve been looking everywhere for you! Listen, some real tea just went down and I need your advice.”

“Alright alright. Gimme ten to sober up a little, alright, Mar?” Heidi got up and grabbed a water to go. “I’ll see you around, Glo.”

The bartender came back with another drink for Gloria which she was already chugging away. She waved goodbye to Heidi as she did so.

Heidi and Mark went outside as requested by Heidi. Smoking also helped sober her up. 

“Okay. What’s the gossip? If someone died again, that happens every rave. I promise the cops won’t bust this place down. Some rando usually gets rid of the body.” 

“No no, I’m aware of that shit already but that’s not the tea. Okay so I was hiding behind a dumpster. Don’t ask. And Ellie comes outside to call Gyro. Well I was able to hear what Ellie said and she was basically like ‘Yo G-fuck, listen, I need you to go through my programming because I think Mark programmed me to have this obsession with him!’ or something like that.” 

Mark waited for her response before adding “Ohhhh right, forgot to mention that Ellie is a robot that I built.”

More silence. 

“Oh and she’s the person I’m dating right now.”

Heidi blinked then a wide smile plastered across her face “Dude, how high are you?! Damn!” 

“That’s the thing! I couldn’t get high! I was going to get high by the dumpster before Ellie showed up.”

Crossing her arms, Heidi put her cig out and threw it to the ground before leaning her side on the wall to face Mark's direction. “Dating Ellie, huh? That’s interesting… I met her on the beach this morning.” Heidi rolled her eyes at him before she even made her next comment. “You expect me to believe she’s a robot? Mar, I’m telling you, you’re high.” 

“I’m not high! If you’ve met her then I’m sure you’re familiar with her unique way of speaking! Sounds kinda like a robot, huh?”

“...damn. That’s a good ass point.” Heidi nodded her head in agreement. “Alright, I’ll go along with it for now. So you said, she said, that you were the one who programmed her? So you’re like some secret robo genius inventor or something?” 

“Pfft. I mean, DUH! It’s only, like, the thing that I’m CEO of creating and mass producing!”

“Dude what advice do you want me to give you? Be honest here. Did you program her to be ‘obsessed’ with you or whatever?” 

“Well at first, no. But there was a mishap a few weeks after she was built so I had to rebuild her again. Luckily she was able to keep all of her memories and shit but the second time I built her, yes, I did add that to her programming.”

Heidi scoffed. “Dude, really? You’re a billionaire and could get any chick you want and you program a robot? I dunno what to tell you, dude. If you want to force a robot to date you that’s kinda fucked but that’s not my business. Nothing is my business.” She looked away from him and took out another cigarette. “Why’d you do it?”

“Well Ellie and I were already kind of a thing before she was destroyed so when I had to rebuild her I figured that the extra programming wouldn’t hurt anything. We got in fights and we made up every time so I’d say it worked. She just seems more… defiant lately? I really don’t want to lose her.”

“Okay. That is so many levels of fucked and I don’t even know where to start. But I’ll start with this. 1) you’re dating an object and 2) If you were the one who built her then aren’t you her dad or something…?”

Mark was taken aback. He had never thought of it that way and it was really fucking with his brain. “I- shit. I mean… no? But. Nah, dude we don’t call it that. Look, this is what happened so yeah.”

“Okay fine. I’ll stop getting into your shit. But are you looking for some godly advice from me because I sure as hell have some advice but it ain’t godly.” 

“So what advice do you have?”

Heidi blew out her smoke and cleared her throat before beginning. “Mar, my man. I’m just going to assume she’s sentient based on my interactions with her, kay? So you can either approach her and tell her the truth or wait for her to figure it out on her own. Either way it doesn’t sound like it’s going to end well if that other scientist is getting involved. She’s going to figure it out and she already kinda did, yeah?” She took another hit from her cig before continuing. “But this is what I say you do. Forcing a robot to love you is fucked up. I can’t say that enough. Not only is she, ya know, a robot which is pathetic you turned to that in your own right.” She paused. “God, I sound like an asshole. Ellie is chill, kay? But my point still stands. I’ll just get to the main point here. You need to find yourself an actual woman and stop fucking around with machines. It sounds like you’re making her miserable if I’m being honest. I didn’t even see you guys together the whole time you’ve been down here so obviously something was going on before this. That or she figured it out a while back.” 

There was tense silence between them.

“You need to end it dude. That’s what I’m saying. Because if she talks to that Gyro guy, and he can reprogram her, she’s going to end it with you anyway. And she won’t come crawling back.”

That certainly gave a lot for Mark to think about. Mark stared at the ground while Heidi watched him, finishing up her cigarette and later stomping it into the ground. Mark finally looked back at Heidi and shifted his tone. “Okay this is something to think about laterz! For now, all I wanna do is finish getting high as helllllll and dancing with my glowsticks on! Mark walked past her and held the door open for the two of them. “You comin’?”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	26. Heidi the Hoe

“Thanks for coming to get breakfast with me, Glo! I promise you won’t be disappointed with the food. I’ve been here a ton.” She threw her arms out to emphasize her point. “I’m guessing you have a pretty bad hangover too. The coffee here works like a charm.” 

The two were sitting at a small table in a local restaurant known as First Watch. Based on Heidi’s claims, it had a 5 star rating on Yelp. 

“God I hope so. I drank so much I don’t even remember all of what I drank. God damn. The rave was fun as hell from what I remember. Thanks for inviting me.” Yep as you might expect, Gloria had a pretty bad hangover and she felt like utter shit.

“It’s no prob. My pals didn’t really want to come, and it gets boring eating here alone. Usually old farts invite themselves to eat with me.” She scowled. Mainly because the ones that did were total losers. Very rarely would a good looking, successful man, sit with her. 

A waitress came by to drop off coffee before announcing she would be back shortly to take their orders.

“Old farts inviting themselves over to eat with you? How come?”

She laughed. “Because I’m hot. Duh.” She gestured to her outfit, curves, and heavy eyeliner. “You act like that hasn’t happened to you before.” 

Gloria shook her head “No, can’t say that it has. Florida is full of only two types of guys: old and crazy.” She made a number two gesture to show her point.

“You got that right, boo.” Heidi started drinking her coffee. No cream. No sugar. Just black, like the crazy bitch she was. She liked to think she enjoyed tastes that matched her personality. Bitter.

“So did you grow up in Tampa or something? Or did you move here with your motorcycle gang?”

Heidi had already chugged down her entire mug of coffee and was desperately waiting for another. The waitress saying she would be back shortly was a load of bullshit. “Nah. I grew up on a small farm in South Dakota with my ma. I came down here on my own before meeting my gang. Honestly, I came down here for sugar daddies but that hasn’t been working out too well.” She laughed. “I told you that last night but I don’t think you remember. It doesn’t matter. I gave up on that plan.” 

That last part was a fucking lie. 

Gloria laughed “It hasn’t been working out? Dude there are crazy old Florida men everywhere I don’t get it. If that’s what you wanna do with your life man, no judgement here by the way. Get yo’ self a sugar daddy.” Gloria was wondering why Heidi didn’t just become Jimmy Buffett’s sugar baby but she didn’t ask. It might’ve been too personal.

“No no. You don’t get how the game works. Most men down here are looking for a girl to last a few months before they ditch town and move to Orlando or New Orleans or what have you. The money doesn’t last and gets harder and harder to find a sugar daddy when your name gets out there. The men start thinking you aren’t loyal, ya know? It ain’t my fault everyone ditches me but people like to twist the   
story.” Heidi decided to change the subject. “What about you? Where did you grow up?” 

“I grew up in Utah of all places! Fucking hated it. Utah is dry as hell with super hot summers and winters with ice roads and snow. Plus there are a lot of mormons. They’re not so bad. They’re very nice people but I can’t help but make fun of them.”

“You’d be surprised how many Mormons visit Tampa. A group comes down about once a year or so.” The waitress finally came by with more coffee and took their orders before Heidi continued. “No offense, but I fucking hate Utah. I drove through it a few months back when I spent a week in Duckburg with my gang. That city is pretty shit too if you ask me. I mean, god, a dictator took over or something when I showed up. The fuck is up with that place?” 

Gloria’s face lit up. “Oh shit you’ve been to Duckburg? Small world because that’s where I’ve been living for a while! Yeah no offense taken, you did show up at a really awful time. The dictatorship is over now, thank god. That was such a mess.”

“Dunno. I found it pretty funny, but I wasn’t a local so it was different for me I guess.” Before Gloria responded to that, Heidi had another question to ask. “What have you been doing with your life? I know drug dealing isn’t your entire thing.” 

Gloria laughed “God, how much time do you have? I’ve done quite a bit but my official job is an internship under both Gyro and Scrooge.”

Heidi’s eyes widened for a moment but she quickly changed her expression to a smirk as she leaned forward to rest her chin on her fist. “You work under that Scrooge guy too? Gyro mentioned it to me yesterday at Margaritaville. I can tell he’s the type to brag about it. Called himself the ‘#1’ scientist. Can’t say I believe him but don’t tell him I said that.” 

Gloria made a small laugh and smiled. “Yeah he says that a lot. It’s his tagline that he uses to introduce himself to people.” She always thought it was really cute when he would say that. Her smile quickly turned into a frown. She held her cup of coffee close to her face with both of her hands for comfort. “I’m not sure if anyone told you this already or if I did last night but Gyro and I used to date. We umm… we actually just broke up not too long ago.”

“No...uh… you didn’t tell me that last night.” Heidi’s heart sank for a moment. She literally was about to go on some sort of ‘date’ with Gyro after breakfast. Gyro wasn’t aware it was a ‘date’ but Heidi planned on making him aware. Usually she wouldn’t give a shit about hurting people but now it straight up seemed like betrayal to her, even for a gold digger like herself. Gloria was one of the coolest people she met in a long time. “Sorry to hear that…” Heidi didn’t know what else to say. She wanted more dirt since it could be used to win Gyro over; but she couldn’t work up the courage to dig like she usually did. 

“It’s alright… I mean, it sucks, but I guess that’s life, you know?” Gloria took a sip of her coffee before finally setting it back down again. She stared at the table for a minute, thinking over everything. “He was the one to break up with me. I said some things that I shouldn’t have. Things that I didn’t mean at all!” Besides Ellie, Gloria hasn’t had anyone else to talk to about her problems. She figured that if Heidi didn’t care, she would just tune her out. She needed to get some of her feelings out. Gloria looked up at Heidi while she talked. “I immediately took back what I said but he wasn’t hearing me out! Which is insane! There was this one fight that we had and he did the same exact thing! He said that I was an idiot with a low IQ! He said some other horrible things but that’s a whole nother story…” She sighed “So when he said those things to me, you know what I did? I just said let's go on a break. Not even a breakup! And guess what? That “break” only lasted a few hours! I forgave him shortly afterwards!” Having to relive her fights with Gyro was starting to get her mad. “I said one wrong thing and he just flips out on me and breaks up with me on the spot! I still can’t fucking believe it… It’s not fair. I forgave him so easily so why can’t he forgive me?” Gloria was starting to feel tears form in the back of her eyes but she quickly blinked them away and sipped more of her coffee.

“Fuck…” Heidi leaned back in her chair. “God. It seems to me like your entire group has problems.” She started tracing the rim of the cup while staring at Gloria, giving her her full attention. “Men are pigs. That’s cliche to say but all they want is someone to listen to them and someone to have sex with. That’s it. I don’t know this Gyro guy too well, apart from this gossip and a few words from him, but I’m still sticking to my word. You don’t need him or anyone for that matter.” Heidi’s finger stopped on the rim above the handle for a moment. “I was talking to Mark yesterday at the rave and he has issues going on too. No offense, but I don’t see why the four of you are a squad to begin with. You need to start a new life, Glo. You deserve more than what you have going on. People who care and don’t blame you for shit all the time, ya know?” 

Gloria sighed. “Yeah, I hear what you’re saying… I dunno, Heidi. I’ve always been the person to travel from place to place and just start over with my life but I can’t bring myself to do it anymore.” She continued “It kind of sucks that you’re meeting all of us during all of this. I swear we weren’t like this before Florida.”

“...odd. Well, Florida brings out the worst in people. That includes myself. You aren’t an odd man out in any way.” Heidi didn’t know why but her heart started fluttering. It shouldn’t be. Gloria didn’t have the money she needed. “Why don’t you just stay with me and my gang? Your friends seem pretty lame, whether they were cool before or not. Mark’s a self absorbed asshole, Gyro is thick skulled, Ellie is… I don’t know her that well, but she’s a robot right? Yeah. Just stay with me, boo. What do you have to lose?”

Heidi had no fucking clue why she just offered that. She was currently chasing after both Mark and Gyro after all. If Gloria accepted it would get in the way of everything, but she just had to offer. Heidi wanted a stable relationship with a stable income, but Gloria was way better at making sales then any of her pals. Maybe she could be a permanent atm. 

Gloria was silent for a moment. This was her second getaway plan that someone offered her. Heidi did have a point. Besides Ellie and Boyd, there was really no reason why she was staying. She was also hoping that things with Gyro could work out again but he had yet to talk to her after they broke up so her hope of that happening was starting to fade. “That does seem like fun… I had a great time the last time I was in a motorcycle gang.” She continued to give Heidi a better answer. “Can I think about it? After Gyro and I broke up I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what I want to do next.”

Heidi didn’t say anything, she just smiled and took Gloria’s hand into her own and rubbed her thumb across her knuckles. 

Gloria froze by the sudden gesture. She awkwardly laughed and gently pulled her hand away from Heidi, resting it on her lap. “I’m sorry if I was giving off any mixed signals, Heidi. You’re very sweet to listen to me rant and invite me to breakfast but… I still love Gyro. I’m flattered but I’m very sorry if I led you on in any way.” She awkwardly broke eye contact with her, looking anywhere else but Heidi.

Heidi’s mood practically did a 180, but she had to try her best to remain calm. “Oh, no it’s okay! I’m sorry. I guess I just figured there was something going on because you’re thinking about taking up my offer and it seems like you hate Gyro based off of literally everything you just said.” She huffed, “He seems like a stubborn guy that won’t change, ya know? I don’t think going on one date with me later on would hurt, would it?” 

She didn’t know what to say to that. Gloria got up from the table to leave. She placed her portion of the bill on the table and looked at Heidi again. “I’m really sorry, Heidi. I hope we can still be friends because I really like raving with you!” Gloria pushed her chair in. “I’ll see ya around, okay?” She didn’t even bother for her response. Gloria already walked away and left the restaurant to head back to her motel room.

Heidi narrowed her eyes. The bitter taste in her mouth remained. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie knocked on room 104. Gyro’s motel room. He opened the door wide enough for her to come in. “Hello, Ellie. I take it you have all of my equipment with you, correct?”

She held up the tool box. “I believe so. Boyd is better at these things than I am, though he wasn’t there to help. I dropped him off at Chuck E. Cheese’s because I did not want him getting involved.” Ellie pushed past Gyro without being invited in. She looked at his unmade bed and then back at him. “You did not even bother to clean up before I came over. That is rude.” 

Gyro scoffed “I’m sure you’ll manage being in a room with an unkept bed for 5 minutes.” He walked over to the small desk that was up against one side of the wall where his laptop was. He opened it and turned back to Ellie. “Alright so all I need is to remove your multi-core processor and transmit all of its data to my computer. Then it’s just a matter of searching through everything to find what you’re looking, or rather, not looking for.” He opened up the toolbox Ellie brought over and started to rummage through everything inside. “Do you happen to know where your multi core processor is exactly?”

She sat down next to him on a shitty, stained chair that had palm tree patterns all over it. Or what looked like it anyway; it could have been just the stains. “Everything important is stored in my cranium. You should know that.” Ellie paused. “My apologies. I know I am supposed to be less rude to you now that we are friends but that was a very idiotic question.” 

He ignored that. After a few minutes of Gyro rummaging around Ellie’s head to safely remove her multi core processor, he took it and attached it with USB cords to his laptop. There were a few moments of silence with the exception of Gyro typing away on his laptop. Ellie watched Gyro and all of the numbers and codes fly by on his screen.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking back at Ellie. “Yes, I found a track history of your programming where Mark did indeed reprogram you to have stronger feelings for him.” He adjusted his glasses and leaned forward to look closer at the screen. He pointed to a string of numbers. “Seems like he did this a few days after everyone traveled back from Agartha.”

“...when I was rebuilt.” Ellie looked down at her lap, her hands scrunching up her hawaiin Jimmy Buffett shorts. There was a minute of silence after that. She was at a loss. Sure, she had expected that her programming was behind it all, but the fact Mark had done it on purpose despite the fact she already was forming feelings for him in Agartha. If she had found this information out months ago, she would have never guessed why, but it made sense now. They had gotten into so many fights that she would have left him long ago, permanently, if it wasn’t for the reprogramming. That’s what Mark feared, therefore he took precautions. “God, Gyro…” All of her issues were because of Mark. She put her head in her hands to stop herself from crying. It was working for the moment. “Is there anything you can do to overwrite the programming?” 

Gyro leaned back in his chair again. He wasn’t sure what to do either. “No, there isn’t anything I can do about overwriting it without totally wiping any and all of your data stored in your multi core processor. That would mean everything would be gone. It would be a hard reset…” He paused for a moment. “I’m sorry, Ellie, but I’m afraid you’re going to have to live with it.” He unplugged her processor from his laptop and put it back in place. He sat back down and closed his laptop, not sure what else to say.

Ellie started tugging at her hair. “I cannot just live with this! There has to be something else you can do! Anything! Please!” 

He held his hands up in front of him. “I’m sorry! There isn’t anything I can do without erasing everything!”

She didn’t respond to that. A few more moments passed, but not much, before she calmly stood up and took a metaphorical deep breath. “Alright, well, I suppose I will be on my way then.” She said before looking back at him. “Thank you for doing this for me. I apologize for getting you involved in the matter but I promise I will keep you out of it from now on.” 

Gyro watched her leave as if she didn’t just receive horrible news. He was very shocked by her sudden change in mood to say the least. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Heidi paced around the museum waiting for Gyro to show. She pretended to be looking at the exhibits, but she already knew all the descriptions by heart, being an employee in all. Instead, she was too busy thinking about how badly she fucked up with Gloria. She was still pissed, but damn, she shouldn’t have gone off like that, even if it didn’t get to the point of yelling.

Heidi just didn’t understand. They would be absolutely perfect together and Gloria was the best at selling drugs. They would be rich partners in crimes. 

And now she had to betray said partner she wanted. It was going to be hard but she had to do it. Maybe Gloria would one day understand. Heidi could only hope.

Someone tapped her on the shoulder, she flinched but not enough that it was noticeable. When she turned around she was met with Gyro.

“Hey, sorry I was late. I was just… busy…” Yeah. He wasn’t going to go into detail with what just went down with Ellie. “Anyway. You were right! I got in for free just by mentioning your name so thanks!” 

Heidi smiled at him “Oh hey, Gy! No worries! How have you been?”

He shrugged while wiping off his glasses. They were pretty fogged up from the floridian humidity. “Alright, I suppose. I haven’t really been doing much other than wishing I was back in Duckburg. I honestly have no idea why we haven’t left Tampa. Everyone is just caught up doing their own thing, I guess. A lot of issues going on with everyone. Not fun.” Again, Gyro wasn’t going into more detail so he changed the subject. “No offense, but I would’ve never guessed you worked at a science museum. You into this type of stuff?” 

“Oh my god, yeah! I’ve always loved science! If money wasn’t an issue, I would prefer to only work here and not that dumb ass Jimmy Buffett hell hole. Since I haven’t been to college, I use this place as my own personal classroom. We get new exhibits every now and then and I always try to learn as much as I can before they switch out.” Heidi kept the smile on her face while she spoke. Most of what she said was a total lie. She really couldn’t give two shits about science or her job working at the museum but she had to play along so that she did care for Gyro to become interested in her. She started walking to the first exhibit room with Gyro following beside her.

“Really? What’s your favorite branch?” He pointed to his now puffed out chest. “I specialize in robotics, though I do dabble in chemistry, physics, and rocket science. I will say I am not a fan of biology.” He laughed like not being into biology was supposed to be funny. “I can tell you all about my work later if you want, but you need to answer my question about your favorite branch.” 

“Hmmmmm… I would have to say chemistry.” That part wasn’t a lie because you need chemistry to make some good meth.

“Ah. Just like my intern, Fenton.” He nodded to himself. “Well, he isn’t an intern anymore but old habits die hard. I just can’t stop calling him that.” Gyro laughed again. Man, he really wasn’t funny, like, at all. “Do you work with it at all or do you just like studying it?” 

Heidi made the fakest laugh at Gyro’s joke before answering. “Oh, no, I don’t really have the time to work with chemistry because of all of my part time jobs. I just think it’s neat.”

“Hm…” He eyed her up and down. “Well, I guess it makes sense you aren’t a real scientist.” 

Heidi glared at him “True… I may not be a scientist as an occupation but I know enough to be considered one. Look.” She pointed to an object that was in the middle of the large room. “That’s a Tesla coil. It was created by Nikola Tesla in 1891. It produces high-voltage, low current and high frequency electricity. They were used in mass produced products like spark-gap transmitters until the 1920s. There are several types of Tesla coils but the one we are looking at right now is Solid State Tesla Coil, or SSTC for short.” She smirked to herself. “I could honestly go on and on here.” She had to learn all of this information as part of the job.

That earned a nod of approval from Gyro. “Huh, I guess you do know some things, even if you just need to know it for tours. I like to mess around with Tesla Coils when I perform X-rays on my experiments on other sentient inventions.” He laughed again, getting ready to tell another joke that wasn’t even a fucking joke. “I will say the violet rays and novelty lightning is hard to handle sometimes.” 

Heidi laughed along despite her not knowing what the hell he just said. “So you work on sentient inventions, huh? That’s pretty cool. So robots, right?”

“Absolutely! Lil’ Bulb is my greatest helper in the lab. Don’t tell Manny that.” He nudged her. “I’m sure Boyd will be a huge help too. He just hasn’t been given the chance to be around the lab much with the chaos that clouds our lives.” 

“Aw Boyd is the cutest! But I had no idea that he was a robot. He seems like a real kid to me.”

He gave her a look. “Of course he is! He’s a definitely real boy!” 

“Why does he look like Mark Beaks though? Don’t you hate the guy?”

“I have no idea. The writers of the show never explained it.” Gyro scoffed. “My old boss, Akita, was the one who designed him. Mark Beaks isn’t the only African Grey Parrot out there, you know.” 

The conversation wasn’t going the way she hoped so she sort of changed the subject. “So who takes care of him? Do all of you in your squad take turns or something?”

He rolled his eyes. “That is a very complicated question and I don’t even know where to begin. But technically I am his true father.” Gyro huffed. “But Boyd still calls Mark dad too out of the goodness of his heart even though he is an absolute shit hole of a father just as he is a boyfriend. Anyway, Ellie is a fairly good mother and Gloria is a fairly good aunt.” Bringing up Gloria hurt but he kept on going. His voice didn’t waver in the slightest. “The family dynamic is very complicated but I would say Ellie and I are the main caretakers.” 

She nodded “So why is she one of the main caretakers? Is it because she’s a robot too or something?”

He gave Heidi a look. “How’d you know that?” Gyro waved that off and continued, not letting her answer. He didn’t really give a shit. “That is a long story as well and it is absolutely none of your business. You are a bit nosy aren’t you?” Heidi thought he was done but he kept going. “But if you must know, Ellie really needed a child for command purposes as well as keeping her programming stability in check so out of the goodness of my heart I allowed her to be the mother.” 

“Yeah you’re right, I am being a bit nosy. I’m sorry. But I think that’s very admirable of you to let her also take care of Boyd.”

“I know.” 

“I saw Ellie and Gloria at the rave last night. They were both pretty awesome to hang out with but apparently Ellie had a mental breakdown moment. I dunno something about her being obsessed with Mark? He told me a little bit about what happened but I’m not sure. I hope she’s doing okay.”

Gyro sneered. “Why would Mark tell you that?” That didn’t need to be answered either because Mark never had reasons behind what he did because he was Mark. “And no, she’s not doing okay.” Now he was getting a bit pissy. Heidi’s company wasn’t helping much either. The museum was kind of cool at the very least. “None of us are doing okay because we’re in Tampa fucking Florida.” 

Heidi just stared at him. She didn’t know what to say because, damn, home girl just pissed him off.

He put a hand up and sighed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. A lot of stuff has just been going on and the whole Mark situation is fresh on my mind.” 

“Hey no need to apologize, Gyro, I understand. No one likes being in Florida.” She laughed at her own joke. “If you don’t mind me asking, what “Mark situation” is fresh on your mind? Maybe I can help.”

“Yeah… I doubt it.” His comment was snarky. “But you already know since Mark told you. The whole reprogramming thing. I just confirmed to Ellie that he did indeed reprogram her to be obsessed with him intentionally when she was convinced it wasn’t intentional at all. There was nothing I could do about it and she started freaking out and I’m not good with people freaking out! She just came to terms she had to deal with being obsessed with him against her will and left. Needless to say, not any of us in our ‘squad’, as you call it, have ever been happy with Mark. Even Boyd knows he isn’t a good dad and I noticed Ellie doesn’t allow Boyd to be alone with Mark often for obvious reasons. I don’t let Mark around him either.” He adjusted his glasses. “That was a bit of a rant there, but I assume that answered enough of your questions. All I have to say is you should stay away from Mark Beaks. None of us can get rid of him and it would be hell if you got stuck with him.” 

She laughed at that. “Oh trust me. I have had the honor of hanging out with him last night at the rave. The guy is insane! I’m not sure how you guys put up with him all the time. I hung out with him for a few hours and I wanted to run him over with my motorcycle!”

“Ellie is a bit unstable, especially with the current situation, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she just killed him. It would do all of us a favor, honestly.” 

She smiled and made a mental note about that. “I guess I can’t blame the girl…”

Gyro pretty much ignored her. Although he ranted to her, and was quite happy to get it off of his chest, he was a fool to do so to a sketchy stranger. He didn’t get good vibes from her. Not yet, anyway. He continued walking around the museum, skipping the biology section. And Heidi followed right behind like a lost child. 

She wanted to wait a while before she brought up Gloria with him. She picked up the pace so she was walking right beside him. “So how have you and Gloria been doing? You guys are a really cute couple.”

He stooped in his tracks and just blanked for a second. “Um, I’m sorry. Who the hell is telling you all of this information? What are you? An FBI agent?” 

She laughed “Ummmm no? It’s so obvious that you guys are together. I just assumed everyone knew.”

“Well we aren’t together anymore, thank you very much.” Gyro started walking again; he wasn’t really paying attention to the exhibitions anymore. His mind was starting to race. 

Heidi gasped “Oh my gosh I am so sorry! I had no idea that you guys broke up. God, me and my big mouth…”

“Yeah. No shit.” 

“Well, it’s probably for the best anyways.”

He side eyed her. “What is that supposed to mean?! You think I’m not good enough for a girl? Is that it?!” He rolled his eyes. “You’re just like my middle school bullies.” 

She held her hands up like she was surrendering. “Woah woah! I mean the opposite actually… I dunno maybe I shouldn’t be judging her too harshly considering I’ve only known her for a few days but that girl is crazy!”

Finally, Gyro stopped again, this time leaning against an exhibition. An exhibition that he wasn;t supposed to be leaning on but it was absolute shit quality so Gyro deemed it was better off being destroyed if it just so happened to crumble under his twig self. “Just spill it. This isn’t a high school gossip circle.” 

She ignored that. “Well for starters, at the rave, she was so fucking out of it. She was drinking and getting high like it was the end of the world. No judgement but god, someone must be having some issues if you drink that much.”

“And you’re telling me this because…?” Gyro still wasn’t having any of this shit. He’s seen enough Gossip Girl to know what was up. 

“I’m telling you this because of what she said about you last night!” This part was nothing but pure lies that she was pulling out of her ass. “Man, after only a few drinks she could not stop talking about you and how you never listen to her or something. She was pretty pissed. Anyways, I think she’s thinking about joining the local motorcycle group here to get away from Tampa. Just leaving in the night one day. No goodbyes.” She frowned and shrugged “I could be wrong though… Does that sound like something that Gloria would do?”

Gyro took a moment to think before dragging a hand down his face. Why was he not surprised? “Yes. That sounds exactly like something she would do. She always says I’m not listening but all I do is listen! How else was I supposed to sit through so many science lectures while getting my doctorate!?” He let out another petty huff. The exhibition behind him wasn’t giving out but it was starting to creak. “Thanks for telling me, I guess. I don’t know if I should stop her from leaving or not. I don’t want to stop her from following her dreams but…” He stopped himself for a moment and went on to form a new sentence. “Apparently she’s been planning on doing something like this for awhile, which I just found out the other night. I mean, I don’t want her to leave! I never did! But apparently she doesn’t give a shit how I feel so whatever! All I did was ask her if she wanted to get married one day and it turned into this whole shit show! How was I supposed to know to not bring it up if she literally was considering having a kid with me?!” 

An old couple walked into the exhibit that Gyro was yelling in and walked out immediately. 

Heidi’s eyes widened. Gloria didn’t mention marriage or the fact that they were planning on having a child together. Her shocked reaction was genuine. “Wow… I knew Gloria was crazy but that takes the cake. So why did she get mad at you for asking if you two wanted to get married? Shouldn’t that have made her happy?” Heidi crossed her arms.

“I thought it would make her happy. I don’t know how she felt about it. She wasn’t mad at me or anything… She just said she didn’t want to settle down and planned on moving to another city eventually. Without me. It caught me off guard and I felt betrayed. It was like everything she told me was a bunch of lies. So… I just ended it since it was going to end eventually anyway. Make sense?” Man. This museum tour was turning into a therapy session. 

“No, I totally understand where you’re coming from! If I was in your place I would’ve done the same exact thing.” She paused for a moment before laughing. “I’m sorry for laughing but after knowing your personality a bit better, it’s crazy to me how you two even hit it off in the first place. You’re very intelligent, handsome, and down to earth while Gloria only seems to care about getting drunk. How did that happen?”

Gyro wasn’t into Heidi, like, at all, but he couldn’t help but blush at that. “Well, um, thanks.” He didn’t compliment her back. “I met her in Duckburg, she needed an internship for her college so I hired her. The funny thing is that she never brought up college again. I think she quit, actually.” He gave a weak smile. “I was the one who asked her out. I liked her spunk and the fact she could beat the shit out of people. I know that sounds weird, but I guess I’m just attracted to people that are the opposite of who I am? Now, why she liked me, I have no clue. We didn’t get in many fights, not compared to Mark and Ellie. There was this one big one but that was about it. Things seemed to be going well. We bonded over all the shit we went through together, but that’s too long of a story to tell. Basically our struggles pulled us together. That’s why it caught me off guard that she wanted to leave one day and be on her own again. If it wasn’t for that… we’d still be dating so…” 

Heidi frowned and rubbed his arm for comfort. “Aw damn I’m really sorry… But after hearing both sides of the argument, I can tell you with complete honesty that you’re in the right.” She gave him a reassuring smile before changing her tone to a more serious one. “Hmmmm I’m not sure if I should tell you what Gloria was saying about you. It was pretty awful and I want to keep the peace but… I also feel like you should know.” She crossed her arms again. “So she had been drinking so don’t be too harsh if it doesn’t sound like something she would say.” She began her lie. “So she told me that the whole “Scrooge’s #1 Scientist” thing that you always say really gets on her nerves. She went on to mention that you’re no better than the intern work that her and the other guy who works for you do. Gloria even went on to say that you’re wayyyyyyy too prideful and cocky about your inventions that almost always seem to flop.” She sighed and shook her head like she was disappointed. “Like I said, she was drinking… maybe she didn’t mean it.”

“FLOP?! I INVENTED BOYD! HOW IS THAT A FLOP?! MY INVENTIONS HELP DUCK ENTERPRISES MORE THAN ANY OF THE EMPLOYEES!” He grabbed his chest in great offense. He decided to calm down a bit since a janitor walked by and gave him a weird look. He got weird looks everywhere he went now. Damn. “I have every right to brag because I am Scrooge’s #1 scientist. Gloria has so much potential but she hasn’t done anything but help me build a lightsaber.” He sighed. “She has so much potential. I know she does. She just needs help with the issues she’s been having from her past. That’s all.”

Heidi made a face when she realized Gyro was being sympathetic towards Gloria again.

“I know she didn’t mean what she said so I shouldn’t be so mad. You’re right. I shouldn’t be harsh. But listen,” He finally stood up from the exhibition he was leaning on. A small dent was left in his stead. “I don’t usually say this, but I need a drink for once. I’m just going to leave the museum. Feel free to join if you want.” He started walking from the direction they had come from. 

Heidi mentally cursed that she added the fact that Gloria might not have meant saying it! From what she could tell, her attempts on making Gyro resent Gloria backfired on her. She quickly brushed it off and tagged along with Gyro, changing her tone. “Sure! I would love to!”

The act was getting harder to put on. One reason being Gyro was being extremely stubborn, the other reason being, betraying Gloria and speaking so poorly about her was eating Heidi from the inside out. There was a reason she had no true friends. 

Just ones she used for money.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

With her hands behind her back, Ellie walked down the Riverwalk of Tampa. It was a few hours away by foot and, yep, she walked all the way there after leaving Gyro’s. Gloria had messaged her that she was picking Boyd up from Chuck E Cheese’s so Ellie didn’t have to worry about that.

For now she just enjoyed the view of the river and the idiotic people who fell into the oil filled water as they attempted to water skii by. She did have to admit that the downtown area of Tampa was very beautiful. It seemed like any other bustling city; very different from the smaller part of town where their shitty motel was located. It almost convinced her Florida wasn’t a shit place. Almost. Not completely. 

At the moment she forced herself not to think of anything as she walked. If she did then her thoughts would immediately go back to Mark. As ironic as it was, learning that Mark had intentionally programmed her to be obsessed with him only made it worse for whatever goddamn reason. 

She was at a complete loss of what to do. She despised she didn’t have a choice in the matter of loving him anymore, but she also would never want to get her memories erased. She had been through so much and made too many memories to start over, even if a lot of the memories were shit but whatever. Plus she would never want to forget Boyd. 

The thing that bothered her most, until she decided to stop thinking about it, was the fact Mark literally got upset when she had a one night stand with Drew. She understood at first but now she knew it was because he was most likely upset she was breaking her programming… or subconsciously trying to. Obviously it would never work. God what a bitch. And now he was actually considering having a one night stand when they were dating when he knew she was obsessed with him. Everything fucking sucked ass. Honestly, she wished she could get drunk or high off of drugs like Gloria could at the moment.   
Maybe Gyro could make an oil substitute to alcohol. That’d be pretty fucking cool.

Mark found a place in Tampa where they were selling the latest model of hoverboards so that’s where he had been for the majority of the day. He’s been riding around in his hoverboard for hours now while also listening to dubstep from 2012 with his new wireless headphones that he also just bought. He was also starting to really like Florida. The only thing he really didn’t vibe with was the humidity. His solution to that was to ride on his hoverboard faster than normal so he could have constant wind blowing on him.

He looked up from his phone long enough to spot Ellie walking in the same direction he was heading. He was already rolling pretty fast so it didn’t take him long to catch up with her “Yo yo yo! How’s it going, babe?! Check it! I got a new hoverboard!” Mark’s dubstep was blaring in his ears so he was speaking louder than normal. He paused his music and yanked his earphones down to sit around his neck. “What’s been going on with you?” he smiled. 

Ellie jumped from someone suddenly coming to a quick halt beside her but her eyes only widened when she met Mark’s. And damn, she looked terrified. So much so that Mark was bound to notice. 

Honestly, she was doing fine for a while and managed to be at peace but the universe didn’t seem to like her very much so that was set on not lasting very long. Obviously her programming made her happy that he was around but damn did she fight it. To her, Mark was the villain now and she was scared out of her mind, matching her expression. She would’ve compared the current scenario to the Steelbeak situation if she remembered that. 

She gulped, though not needing to or thinking about it, and took a step back. “U-um. Nothing. Nothing has been going on.” 

Mark did notice her reaction but just assumed that he startled her and nothing more. “Cool cool. So hey I have like, nothing to do today! Do you want to do something?” Mark started playing his music again but kept the headphone around his neck so it would play out for the two of them to faintly listen to.

“I would love to, but, um, I am looking for a library and you do not like those. I am sure you would much rather continue…” She didn’t really know what he was doing. She settled on pointing to his hoverboard. “Doing that.” Her smile was strained. 

Mark gave her a confused look “Would the library be closer to town and not by a river?” Mark pointed with his thumb behind him to gesture that she was going in the wrong direction.

He had a point and Ellie felt pressured to give a response, “It does- it does not matter. Like I s-said, you can- you can just go and continue whatever… you are doing.” She started stumbling over her words like a fucking idiot. 

Mark gave her another confused look. “Yo, is something going on?” He stuffed his hands into his Floridian dad shorts pockets. 

She waved her hands frantically. “N-nope! Nothing is wrong, I promise! I would not lie to my boyfriend, right?!” Her eyes darted in the direction she had been walking before Mark stopped her. “I will just be on my way. See you around...town…?” Ellie kept her eyes on him as she backed up more before working up the guts to turn around and continue on her way. 

Mark spun around on his hoverboard and watched Ellie leave. He still had a very confused look on his face. He tried thinking back to the past few days to see if he said or did anything that might've made her mad. Then it hit him.

Oh god. It was the one night stand thing! He never gave her an answer!

He was about to call out to her, tell her that he wouldn’t do it when suddenly his phone rang. He looked down and it was Heidi calling.

Mark looked back at Ellie and then his phone, Ellie, and then his phone. Ellie… and then his phone. 

He sighed, pressing answer.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Heidi leaned against a gate of a private pool, pulling out an expensive cigar she stole from an old, knocked out, man on the beach the other day. It was dark, but the dim lighting from the water and the flicker of the lighter was enough for her to be sure she was lighting the correct end of the cigar. 

She took out her Waddle phone to check the time; it was around 1 am, so Mark should be showing up shortly. Heidi wasn’t sure if he was the type to break into properties, especially those belonging to fellow rich people, but apparently he was because he was hyped as hell. Hopefully their ‘hang out’ would go a lot better than her and Gyro’s. 

Gyro was stubborn to say the least. Heidi made no progress with him at the bar; he just got to a point where he stopped talking to her completely after he moped for about 20 minutes about, literally, everything. 

She supposed it didn’t matter. She was just using him to get to Scrooge; for now she would continue to focus all of her energy on Mark before going back to Gyro. And continue trying to win Gloria over on the side. Heidi genuinely liked her, she wasn’t a stuck up asshole like the two guys were. 

It took Mark a while to show up. He always considered it fashionably late. He was Miss Glamour’s son after all. He was still rolling around on his hoverboard when he showed up. Mark was also aware that there would be trespassing involved so he made sure to wear a “disguise” that only consisted of him wearing sunglasses… in the middle of the night. How he was able to see and safely made it to the private pool is unknown. He smiled and did his signature finger gun gesture at Heidi. “Yo yo yooooooo! Are ya ready to par-tayyyy?” He whispered when he got close enough. Mark hopped off his hoverboard and kept it close to the side of the fence.

“Yo yo yooooooo!” Heidi smiled back, mocking his finger gun gesture. It was stupid, but sort of cute. “I don’t know if you should consider this a party but whatever floats your boat, I guess.” 

She pulled out a key card from her back pocket before swiping it across the padlock. “If you’re wondering how I got this,” She held up the card “I used to hang with a guy who lives in this rich ass neighborhood. Stole it from him. It still works so I guess he never reported it missing.” Heidi made sure to hold the gate open for Mark to enter the pool area before her. It seemed she was going to be more of the gentleman then he would be, based on her observations. Maybe she could change him over time. 

“That’s pretty dope!” Mark walked past her to enter the pool area. It didn’t take him long to strip off everything but his swim trunks and sunglasses and cannonball into the pool. He popped his head out of the water and swam over to the side of the pool where Heidi was still standing. “You comin’ or what?”

She rolled her eyes. “Chill, Mar. I just don’t rush into everything like you do.” 

Heidi looked him in the eyes as she slowly took off her clothes, and yes, she was wearing a very skimpy bikini. She took her eyes off of him for a moment to enter the pool through the stairs. She was more sensitive to temperature than that asshole and took her time to swim over to him. 

“Hey, do you wanna see me do a handstand?!” He didn’t give her any time to respond. Mark had already flipped himself over underwater for a good while until he needed to come up for air. He wasn’t really sure what else to do in a pool besides just stand there and talk. He also forgot to play music through his phone before he jumped into the pool and was kind of debating on whether or not he should get out long enough to cue up Best Dubstep Beats of 2012. That or find a playlist on Spotify called Songs to Listen To while You Break and Entry. That would’ve been a good playlist to have when he and Ellie raided Gyro’s house a while back.

Heidi scrunched her face while he was doing his stupid ass handstand underwater like a six year old, but her smile came back when he popped up again. She could tell by the look on his face exactly what he was thinking. Quickly, she thought back to his favorite songs at the rave. “Hey!” She chimed. “Why don’t you get out of the pool and play some dubstep from 2012. That’s my favorite next to punk rock.” 

His face lit up. “I was just thinking about that!” He didn’t bother to use the ladder to get out of the pool, he just lifted himself up with his hands. Mark also didn’t even bother to dry off when he grabbed his phone. It was water-proof/resistant so it wasn’t a big deal. He cued up one of his dubstep playlists and set his phone nearby before jumping back into the water again. Another cannonball. “I had no idea that you liked dubstep, too! That shit will never die! I play those sick beats every time I break into Scrooge’s property or any property for that matter.”

“Wouldn’t playing ‘sick beats’ make it hard to hear security or nearby threats?” Heidi laughed, but she didn’t expect that to be answered so she moved on. “This is our second time hanging out so I say we are officially classified as friends. In that case, I want you to tell me about yourself. I already know you’re the CEO of Waddle so don’t bother with that, Kay?” She propped her elbows up on the side of the pool and gave him her full attention. She wasn’t going to lie, he looked really cute in the pool lighting. 

Mark copied her and also propped his elbows up on the side of the pool as well. They were close to the corner of the pool so they were able to face each other while leaning against different sides. “Ohhhhh yeahhhh, that’s right! Almost forgot that you were a fan!” he thought for a moment. Usually the whole CEO of Waddle was his main introduction. It didn’t take him too long though. He loves to talk about himself. “Okay, so since you’re a fan and everything, I don't want you to spread this around social media yet because I have yet to announce it but I’m working on this dope new project that will help keep all Waddle product’s battery life up for a solid week without charging!” He literally just thought of that idea just now. Since going on this vacation, he hadn’t given work much thought. He hired people to do all the thinking for him so there was no need to worry. He made a mental note to send that idea to some of his employees later.

She laughed. “That’s cool and all, but I don’t care about that. I mean I care about you as a person, Mar!”

“Ohhhhhhhh! I post stuff about my life everyday on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat so you could always just check out my hella amazing stories for the latest info! It’s pretty overwhelming sometimes. How dope my life is. But I know my fans love to hear about it sooooo...” he waved his hand as if he was brushing her question aside.

“Ummm… alright.” Heidi had no idea what the fuck to say to that. “Okay, well, I’ll tell you some stuff about me. I’m into motorbikes as you know. I’m hella good at mechanic shit, considering I work on my bike all the time, so I bet I can do some pretty cool stuff to your hoverboard. Make it go faster or something. I could even attach a speaker to it so the music literally comes from it. I’ve done that to a few bikes before in the past, but I’m sure I could manage to do it with that.” She pointed her thumb toward the area he parked his hoverboard. Offering to work on his hoverboard gave him no information about her life, but it was obvious he didn’t care even if she gave him more information.

His eyes lit up again. “Yoooo for real?! That would be hella cool! OMG maybe you can, like, make cool ass Waddle hoverboards for me and my company! They come with built in speakers as well as a built in navigation system… OH! And some rockets! Oh! Oh! And also official Waddle hoverboard stickers so everyone’s ride can be tricked out with emoji stickers of my face!” It was killing him a bit that his phone was so far away that he couldn’t immediately overwork his employees to get to work. “Obviously I would like, pay you and everything.”

Heidi’s eyes lit up. “So, what you’re saying is… you’d be willing to let me tag along with you guys to Duckburg so I can work for you?” She smirked. Maybe the conversation was going in the right direction.

He shrugged “Yeah sure I don’t see why not. Duckburg is wayyyyyyy cooler than Florida anyways.”

“...buuuuut wouldn’t your girlfriend be upset about that? That I’m tagging along and everything for a cross country road trip? Especially since, you know, you programmed her to be obsessed with you.” 

Mark gave her a look “Ummmm no? Why would she be upset? It’s just hoverboards….”

“I guess I’m just scared. I’m not sure how possessive you programmed her to be and I’ve never been around a robot before so I don’t know what to expect.” She shrugged. “But you have a point. I shouldn’t be worried about that. I guess my main concern is her flipping out now after finding out she’s been reprogrammed by you. I don’t think she’s too happy about that.” 

That caught Mark’s attention. “She isn’t? What, did she say something to you about it?”

Heidi shook her head. “No she didn’t talk to me. Gyro told me about it. You know at the rave the other night when you were afraid she would find out? Well she did, and she got it confirmed by Gy, apparently. He didn’t say much about it but I guess she had some sort of mental breakdown.” She half lied. “I said this the other night; it’s kind of messed up to force someone to love you, Mar. So obviously she isn’t happy about it. Why would she be? Kind of messed up of you to think she would be happy to find that out, yeah?” There was a pause before she continued. “She probably thought her feelings were real for the longest time. God. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a robot and figure out everything you feel isn’t real at all. No wonder she’s going haywire.” 

Mark thought about everything for a minute before responding again. He frowned “Wait, so she’s like, really upset about this? Shit… I saw her earlier today and she was acting a bit off. I didn’t realize it was about that though I thought she was upset over… something else.” He cleared his throat and changed his tone to be more upbeat. “Thanks for being a real one and letting me know! I’ll be sure to make it up to her later somehow.” 

Heidi wanted to ask what that ‘something else’ was, but at the moment she had to focus on getting him mad at Ellie. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She made her tone seem very concerned. “Gyro said she plans on killing you. I thought he was joking but now that I think about it, maybe he wasn’t.” 

That wasn’t good enough. Heidi needed to add something that was an even bigger lie. For all she knew, robots wanting to kill people was normal.

Unbeknownst to her, it was normal for Ellie; she made a good choice to add something.

“Guess Vic was telling the truth about him and Ellie’s one night stand if she really is that mad at you.”

He pushed himself off the side of the pool. “Excuse me?! She did what?!” He couldn’t believe it. He almost didn’t, thinking it was too far fetched for something Ellie to do but he remembered the cruise and Drew and how badly that hurt him… That same pain came back. Ellie was kind of a hard book to read. Now he was thinking that her apparent one night stand was the reason she was acting strange earlier. “What did Vic tell you?! Give me every detail!” He raised his voice at Heidi, almost to the point of screaming.

Heidi held back a smile. Looks like that was the right thing to say. She would have to remember to tell Vic to stay away from Mark from now on. 

She put her hands up. “Woah, chill, Mar. He didn’t tell me much. Just that he found her crying at the rave and he took her home, you know? She was gone by morning before he woke up.” 

“God dammit! So was she just not going to tell me this?!” He kept using his arms to express his anger so there was a lot of splashing which got very annoying very fast. “You know, she had a one night stand before! Yep! Back on the cruise with some douche named Drew! Ugh!” He continued “But afterwards she told me that to make up for it, that I could have a one night stand as kinda like a way to make things even I guess. But what the fuck?! She did it again?! That doesn’t make any sense to me!”

Heidi paused for a second. Ellie literally gave Mark a one night stand free pass.

“Well…” She looked at him, straight in the eyes. “Do you want to get back at her? You do have a free pass.” 

Mark was silent, he was still very pissed and his anger got the best of him. “Yeah! You know what? I do want to get back at her! I was hesitant at first on taking up her offer, but after this? Hell no!”

Without another word, Heidi smashed her face into his, cupping her hands on the sides of his face. It didn’t last long, but when she let go, her thumbs stroked his cheeks. She smiled. “Do you want to take this back to my place?” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	27. One Night Stand

Mark woke up to the sunlight coming in through the windows. He rolled around in bed a couple of times before blinking his eyes open. It just hit him that he wasn’t back at his motel room. He felt his stomach drop while he sat up in bed to see his surroundings. Just as he feared, he saw Heidi was lying next to him, fast asleep. Mark wasn’t sure what to do. If he should just get dressed and leave without a word, wake her up, or just pretend to still be asleep and lay back down. He immediately had a strike of guilt wash over him about what happened last night. He thought about Ellie and how he was going to tell her what happened. His mind was so busy racing that he didn’t even realize that Heidi just woke up.

She immediately locked eyes with him and smiled. She was on her stomach and propped her head up with her right hand. “Good morning, babe. How ya doing?”

“Ummm… fine, I guess.” He raked his fingers through his hair. He hated this and the guilt inside him just worsened when Heidi spoke up. All he wanted to do now was get out of there as fast as possible.

Heidi scooted over so she was closer to him. She laid back down on her stomach and laid her head on his chest to listen to his heartbeat. “Last night was fun, yeah?” She whispered. “...listen, I know we just met and everything, but you’re a real sweet guy.” There was a pause. “I love you, Mar.” 

Okay that was the last straw for Mark to leave. He quickly got out of bed and started putting his clothes back on. “Nope nope I’m sorry I can’t do this.” He couldn’t even look Heidi in the eyes anymore. Mark's clothes looked a little disheveled on him but it was good enough for him to leave. He slammed the bedroom door behind him and opened the GPS on his phone to see where he was and how to get back to the motel. Luckily he still had his hoverboard with him and Heidi's place wasn’t too far away from Margaritaville. He rode back still trying to piece together everything that happened and how he was going to break the news to Ellie.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro and Boyd walked down a sidewalk hand in hand. 

“Man, I had no idea you liked Chuck E Cheese so much.” 

Boyd looked up at him and laughed. “Well, I didn’t at first. Funzo’s Funzone is wayyyyyy better. But there aren't many things for me to do in Tampa. All the other kids were really nice yesterday there too.” 

Gyro shrugged. “Alright, but if there is anything else you’d rather do like build sand castles, or go to the park or a museum, I’ll go with you.”

“Can we do all of those things tomorrow?”

Gyro was about to say no because he had no idea when they were leaving Tampa, but by the way things were going, they probably would be there for a bit longer. They didn’t have a car, and none of them had a credit card on them in order to buy one.

Maybe Jimmy Buffett could help them out?

“Of course we can.” It came out as a sigh although Gyro didn’t mean it to. “We’re going to be here for a while so we can do everything you want.” 

Before Boyd could ask what was wrong, the Chuck E Cheese doors opened for both Gyro and Boyd before either one could open it for themselves. 

Two employees walked out.

One of the girls turned to Gyro frantically. “Are you Mr. Gearloose?! We have been trying to get in contact with you for quite some time.”

Gyro took a step back. “What do you mean?” His heart started to beat faster. His mind automatically went to Boyd had done something yesterday at the establishment, but that wouldn’t have made sense. Boyd was very adamant on following rules.

“Your son has been acting very inappropriately the past few hours. We’re keeping him in the jail cell in the back. We didn’t want to call the authorities so he gave us your number.” 

“My son has been acting inappropriately for the past few hours?” He gestured to Boyd. “He’s been with me for the past few hours.”

The other girl shook her head. “No no. You’re other son. The duck.” 

“...what?”

“He’s a bit older…”

“...oh my god. Are you fu-” He almost swore. “Freaking serious?!”

The two girls nodded, waving for him to follow. 

Him and Boyd did so to the back and just as you may have guessed, Glomgold was in the jail cell wearing very tight children’s clothing, swimming shoes, and eating a slice of Chuck E Cheese pizza. 

His eyes lit up when he saw Gyro. “DADDEH?!” 

Gyro let go of Boyd’s hand and stepped toward the cell. “Why did you try to give them my number of all people!? Why not Ellie’s?!” He didn’t even acknowledge Glomgold had just called him “daddeh”. If he did, it would haunt him. 

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS AND GET MEH OUTTA HERE SO YOOH CAN BUY MEH GOLDFISH!” Glomgold attempted to strangle Gyro through the bars, but he was too short and his arms were too stubby.

Gyro pinched in between his eyes. “...tell me why you got arrested in a children’s establishment?”

Glomgold scottishly grunted and started angrily cockroach crawling around the cell. “MIND YOUR BUSINESS!”

“Sir,” One employee stepped forward. “He started stealing pizza from children and when he was confronted by parents, he would bite every member of the family. Eventually he moved on to attacking Chuck E Cheese.”

The other employee added “He also peed in the ballpit.”

“ALL OF THE BATHROOM STALLS WERE FULL!”

Boyd cringed. He definitely didn’t want to go to Chuck E Cheese anymore. Or ever again.

Gyro took a deep breath. “Look,” He turned to the two young women. “He is not my son, just some old man who is not related to me in any manner but for some reason can’t leave me alone. You can keep him and have the police take him away.”

Glomgold threw his head back. “BUT DADDEH!!!” 

“Don’t call me that! EVER!” 

Boyd tugged on Gyro’s hand. “Dr. Dad… we should probably take him with us. It would be easier for the employees. They only get paid minimum wage, afterall.”

Damn. Boyd had a point. Minimum wage workers did not deserve to deal with Glomgold. 

Gyro grit his teeth together before sighing. “Alright, fine. We’ll take him with us.”

“CAN WE GO TO MCDONALD’S AFTER?!” Glomgold started shaking the bars so fast his arms and the bars looked like they were simply vibrating rather than going back and forth.

“No!” Gyro snapped.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“... and apparently Gyro was able to tell from my data that Mark had done it on purpose.” Ellie sighed.

Both her and Gloria were sitting in Margaritaville, Margaritas in hand. Ellie got one just so she could appear a bit normal. Plus everyone else had one so she started to think it was mandatory too. 

They had been invited out for lunch by Heidi and they were waiting for her to show up. She was going to eat with them until her shift started. 

“Shit, Ellie. That is so fucked up. I’m sorry.” It didn’t really surprise her that Mark would do something horrible and shady. It was a given at this point but still.

Ellie shook her head. “Do not apologize. I was very angry at first, but I just cannot be. I came to the conclusion he did so because he has a lot of issues of his own, especially because of his past. I now know it was intentional, but I still do not believe it was malicious.” She admitted. “That does not mean I am any less upset, however.” 

Gloria wasn’t really aware or up to date about what “his past” statement meant. She still thought that everything Mark did was somewhat shady but she was going to give Ellie the benefit of the doubt and not fight her on that. As long as Ellie wasn’t upset with him, there was really no reason for her to be. “I getcha. I would be upset, too. I guess the best thing you can do is try to talk to him about it. Does Mark know that you talked to Gyro about this?” She was already done with her margarita. She didn’t hesitate to grab Ellie’s untouched margarita and start drinking that one too. The margaritas were still weak so it was almost like drinking a slushie for Gloria.

“No, he does not. To be honest I am just avoiding him at the moment. My programming wants me to be around him, but I am just scared to be. A part of me believes if he finds out he may just reprogram me again. I know that conflicts with my previous statement of claiming there is no malicious intent, but I am sure you can understand my doubts. All of my thoughts are just scrambled, I suppose. My opinions are not exactly clear yet.” She decided to change the subject. Talking about Mark for too long made her uncomfortable. “Has Gyro reached out to you yet?” 

She shook her head. She was stirring her new margarita with the straw. “No he hasn’t… What sucks the most is that it wouldn’t make sense for me to text him first, ya know? He broke things off with me. I can’t be the one to ask him if he wants to get back together. That may sound childish but do you know what I mean?”

Ellie smiled in an attempt to reassure her, “I know he plans on talking to you. When I called him to ask about Boyd’s well being at the rave, he asked me how you were doing before requesting I tell you something for him. I cut him off there and told him he should tell you himself. He will. Like I said before, it will just take him time.” 

“Wait, he did?” That didn’t need answering so she continued “I don’t know what's taking him so long.” She laughed at her own joke but she was also seriously wondering that.

“I do not know either… perhaps he is just scared.”

“Hey, Glo! Hey, El! Sorry, it took me so long to show. There was a lot of traffic.” Heidi laughed, dropping her purse in the chair next to Ellie before sitting beside Gloria. “What’s up with you guys?” 

“Nothing really. We’ve just been hanging out.” Gloria smiled but she still couldn’t help but feel a little awkward around her after what happened the last time they hung out.

“Same with me. But last night was crazy and, lemme tell ya, I need some coffee.” One of Heidi’s coworkers, and a friend of hers, already knew and gave her a coffee just the way she liked it as if waiting on cue. “It was wild sex.” 

Ellie gave Gloria a look that read ‘I am very uncomfortable’. She wasn’t one for explicit conversations. 

Gloria noticed and she was feeling the same way. In an effort to save the two of them from that conversation, she changed the subject. She laughed awkwardly. “Well, Ellie and I were thinking about heading over to the beach boardwalk later on today if you would like to join us.” She didn’t think that spending more time with Heidi would be the best idea, but it was the first thing she could think about saying that diverted the conversation away.

“Well, I have a short shift today so I would love to join you after dinner if you two are fine with that.” She was fiddling with her mug. The coffee was too hot for her to drink yet. “Okay. I know my personality is a bit harsh but I think you guys are really cool and I want to get to know you more. I mean it. I’m just bad at the whole ‘friend’ business, so, just forgive me if I gave off a bad first impression. Or bad few impressions rather. The past week has been a bit complicated. The same for you, I’m sure.” Her smile is sweet and it showed she was starting to feel awkward as well. 

Ellie still wasn’t sure how to feel but she smiled in return. “It is alright, Heidi. Gloria and I had a rough start to our friendship as well. You seem to be faring better.” Her laugh sounded fake, something that was very unintentional. She was trying to lighten the mood. “It would be wonderful for you to join us for a walk on the beach after your shift.” 

“Alright, cool! Thanks for letting me tag along. If you guys want, I could bring leftover food with me to the beach after my shift.”

“Free food? I’m down.” Gloria was starting to relax a bit more. Heidi didn’t seem to be making any more moves on her. Heidi also wasn’t bringing up what happened at the restaurant either which was a huge relief. Gloria felt bad for walking out but she didn’t know what else to do. She was thankful that Heidi had a very chill personality and is able to have water under the bridge. She smiled and took another sip of Ellie’s margarita.

“You guys know how long you’ll be down here?”

Ellie shook her head “Sadly, no. It is something that we should have spoken of sooner but we just have matters to be handled before finding a mode of transportation.” That was as vague as she could manage to make it.

“Okay. I know Tampa sucks but I’ll tell you where to go if you’re bored so you’re never just stuck doing nothing, kay? Plus, my biker pals would love to see you again, Glo.” She finally was able to start sipping on her coffee. “Anyway, I should say you guys are rocking the shitty Jimmy outfits really well. Looking good.” 

Gloria looked down at her outfit and then back up at Heidi. “Oh, thank you. I kind of like it, ya know? I feel like a middle aged dad on vacation.” She continued after taking a sip from her margarita. “All of Florida seems like a vacation. It's actually really nice here and I’m kind of glad that we aren’t leaving Florida just yet.”

Heidi made clear eye contact with Gloria. “Yeah, I’m glad you aren’t leaving either.” She gave a shy smile. 

Gloria started to feel awkward again. She hated being a broken record and repeating what she did back at the restaurant but at least this time she was able to create an excuse. Gloria got up from the table and grabbed her two margarita glasses. “Okay I’m going to see if I can get a quick refill. I’ll be right back.” She went around the corner towards the bar which was still very closeby to where they were sitting.

Heidi kept the smile on her face as she watched Gloria leave. When she was out of sight, her smile turned to a glare. She looked back at Ellie. “Now listen here, bitch. I know that it’s in your programming to love Mark but you need to back off if you know what’s good for you. Oh yeah. I know you’re a robot. I know more about you than you think. I also know a lot about Mark.” She gave an evil smirk. “We hung out last night and he told me about your one night stand offer you gave him… He hasn’t come by to see you today, has he? Hmmm… he must be tired. We had a pretty long night together.” She laughed “After last night I can’t blame you for being obsessed with him.” She took another sip of her coffee before finishing what she wanted to say. “Mark deserves a real woman. Not some machine who can’t even understand a joke. Make yourself useful for once and stay away from him. Especially if you want what’s best for him.”

Ellie stared at Heidi in complete shock. It took her a moment to gather a response, though her voice was weak and shaking. “P-pardon? You and Mark… but… I thought…” Ellie was sure Mark was going to take up her offer but the fact it actually happened hit hard. And with Heidi? 

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, although there were no tears that could be shed. “How do you know all this? What do you have against me? I just met you…” 

She shrugged nonchalantly before propping her arm over Gloria’s chair. “Nothing personal, El…” She took another sip of her coffee. “Oh, and you better keep your fucking mouth shut about this conversation.”

It didn’t take Gloria long to get a refill on margaritas. She was about to turn the corner to sit back down with Ellie and Heidi until she overheard Heidi speaking. She didn’t catch all of her speech but she heard enough. She waited to make her presence known until Heidi finished talking. She put on a fake smile and sat down next to Heidi. “Hey guys, sorry it took a minute to come back.”

Ellie was looking at her lap and quivering until she finally just broke. “S-sorry. I- I should be going now.” She stood up, avoiding looking at the two of them as best as she could as if that would be enough to hide the fact she was sobbing. Then she just quickly fled the Margaritaville to God knows where. She didn’t know where she was going either. 

Gloria set her margarita down on the table and ran after Ellie, leaving Heidi sitting at the table by herself. Now she was pissed. She didn’t want to confront Heidi just yet because she needed to check on Ellie and she also concluded that if she started fighting her now, things would only get uglier and now wasn’t the time.

Ellie hadn’t even left the property, she was just sitting at one of the outside tables crying her eyes out. Gloria sat across from her. 

“Hey, I overheard what Heidi just said to you. She’s a HOE. Not only has she been flirting with me, but Mark!? And, god, probably Gyro too!” Gloria wasn’t sure what else to say about that. She was still trying to process what just happened. “Listen. This bitch is going down! Alright?! We’re going to warn the boys about her hoe ways and get them to help us out. Whatever plan she has next, we’ll be ready for.” She took out her phone and texted in the Anti Gyro Groupchat. Gloria texted “Something happened. Meet me and Ellie at my motel room ASAP!” She didn’t care how vague her text sounded and figured that the more ominous the text was, it would most likely freak Mark and Gyro and get them to show up sooner. She tucked her phone back in her pocket and turned her attention back to Ellie. Gloria sat up from the outside table and stood next to Ellie, placing her hand on her shoulder. “Hey, Ellie, c’mon. We are going to my room to figure out how we are bringing Heidi down!”

Ellie shook her head. “You should warn Gyro, Gloria. But Heidi was right. I should stay away from her and Mark’s relationship. Mark and I have enough issues as is, I mean, I just found out about the reprogramming and…” She continued to cry. “If he wants to move on then I’ll let him. Whether I have an ‘obsession’ or not.” 

Gloria shook her head as well. “Ellie, Mark and Heidi aren’t in a relationship. I’m not sure what exactly happened with Mark but I do know that we shouldn’t trust her. For all we know, everything she had ever told us was a lie. That’s why we need to head back to the motel and figure this out. Alright?”

Ellie sighed and nodded, though it was reluctant. “Alright…”   
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	28. Working Things Out... Sort Of

While Gloria was taking out her key card for the motel room, she turned her attention to Ellie.

“Okay, this is going to be really awkward, but we only need to tell them about Heidi and that’s it. No drama needs to start. Hopefully.” Gloria took a deep breath because she knew drama was most likely going to start; she just wanted to make Ellie feel better. Although, Ellie definitely was thinking the same exact thing. “We’ll have a few minutes to mentally prepare before-”

Gloria cut herself off when she opened the motel room door to see Mark sitting on her bed, either tweeting her playing Mario Kart. He shot his head up and awkwardly stared at the two of them.

He gulped “ummm…”

“How the FUCK did you get in my room when I wasn’t here yet?!” 

Mark opened up his mouth to answer when a figure scuttled out from underneath her bed. A round, small figure wearing a hula skirt, a lei, and a coconut bra. 

He pointed to Glomgold as the little roach himself scuttled in circles. 

“...that’s how, so…” 

Gloria kicked Glomgold.

“OI!”

“HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?!” 

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” He made a defensive stance and started to quickly circle her, ready to jump and bite if needed. “IT’S MEH ROOM TOO!” He stopped and pointed to under her bed.

“WHAT?!”

“FUCK YOOH! IMMA GO FIND MEH SOME GOLDFISH!”

Glomgold pushed her. 

“MOVE!” 

And then he proceeded to scuttle out the door on all fours. He slammed it shut using his back leg and his scottish grunting could be heard from the outside, getting quieter as he fled. 

Suddenly the door swung open again. “OH! BY THE WAY! I ATE ALL OF YOUR TOOTHPASTE!”

The door slammed shut again. 

Everyone stayed silent for a few moments. They weren’t going to address that because there wasn’t anything that needed to be said. Gloria could have a mental breakdown about it later.

Mark cleared his throat. “Sooo… you guys wanted to talk because…?” He avoided eye contact with Ellie for the most part. She did the same. 

“Yeah but we should probably wait until Gyro gets here.”

“Oh…” 

Everyone just sort of… stood there. And yes, they all continued to avoid eye contact, though Mark glanced over at Ellie everyone so often. 

A few more minutes ticked by and Mark was starting to get antsy. All of his guilt was pressing down on him and the fact that Ellie was there only heightened it. He finally shot up, stuffed his phone in his pocket and turned to look at Ellie. “Yo, Ellie, could we talk for a minute back in my room?” He pointed with his thumb behind him to gesture them leaving. His body language was very stiff and very awkward.

Ellie stiffened up herself. “W-why?” She knew damn well why, but she sure as hell didn’t want to. 

He sighed and looked over at Gloria for a minute before back at Ellie. He really didn’t want to bring it up while Gloria was in the room and chose not to answer her question.“Can we just talk for a quick sec?”

Ellie looked down at her feet and scrunched up her fists; like that motion would calm her down at all. “...Alright.” She looked at Gloria for a quick moment. “We will not be gone for long...” And she hoped so. She didn’t want the conversation between her and Mark to be long. Yet, there was no avoiding it at this point. 

Gloria nodded and went to go sit on her bed while she watched the two of them leave.

The walk to Mark’s motel room was very awkward. Neither one of them said a word. When they did reach his room, Mark opened the door for Ellie, letting her in first. He shut the door behind him and turned around to face Ellie again.

He knew this was going to be a lot so he already tried to make himself comfortable by sitting down at the desk chair on the opposite side of the room. He raked through his hair and sighed, not sure where to even begin. “Ellie…. Shit, there has been so much that I’ve done and I legit don’t even know where to begin!” He paused for a moment. “I found out about you knowing what I did with your programming, and we’ll get to that in a minute. But first I should talk about what happened last night… with me and Heidi.” There was another pause. “I- I wasn’t planning on taking up your offer… about the one night stand. I’m not even sure how it happened, it just… did. When I woke up I got this wave of guilt over it.” He gestured to his chest as if pinpointing where he was hurting. “I felt disgusted by myself, which is really hard for me to do by the way, but I did. And I understand now. Where you’re coming from with your one night stand with Drew. I get it now.” He shook his head in disappointment over himself. Mark looked down at his hands and twiddled with his fingers waiting to see if Ellie had anything she wanted to say.

Ellie stayed silent for a while which only made him more nervous.

“I know. Heidi already told me all about it earlier…” Ellie still wasn’t looking at him. It was nice to know he regretted his actions, but the reprogramming was still fresh on her mind. The fact he was willing to do such a feat with Heidi when he knew she was forced to love him to an unhealthy extent made her very uneasy. Her head started to feel like it was aching, which was especially weird for her. “I am not mad. I was the one who said it was alright for you to do so. It would be very unfair if I was angry. Besides… I am most certain she must have told you something awful about me. She does not seem to be much of a fan of me. At all.” 

He nodded. Mark wasn’t looking at her either. “Yeah she did… she ummm…she also said that you slept with this guy named Vic after the rave?” His heart sank when he brought it up but it was one thing that Heidi mentioned that he couldn’t stop thinking about.

Ellie’s mind went blank for a second. She knew Heidi despised her but she would have never guessed she would have turned to lying. Maybe Ellie should have guessed that, but that didn’t cross her mind anyway. She genuinely thought Heidi was a good person beforehand, though a little sketchy. The only thing Ellie managed to say was “Who is Vic?” which was a pretty stupid response, but she genuinely had no idea who the fuck that was. It was a stupid name too. She paused for a second. “Oh… he was one of the members of her gang at the rave, wasn’t he?” Damn. Heidi threw one of her friends under the bus too. “I promised I would never do something like that to you again and I kept that promise. Whether you believe me or not is up to you.” 

Ellie started fiddling with the hem of her hawaiin shorts rather than tugging at her hair.

He looked up at her with a confused expression, though he did get a sense of relief from her answer. “Wait, so you didn’t have another one night stand?” He paused for a moment, questioning why Heidi would lie to him like that. Mark made a mental note that he should now view everything Heidi had ever told him with a grain of salt. His question didn’t need answering. He knew Ellie would never lie to him, especially over something as serious as this. “Well anyways, I guess the next thing we need to talk about is your programming…” He trailed off, not sure where to start. “I’m just going to assume that it bothers you, right?”

“Of course it bothers me. You knew all along and you never said anything. Looking back on everything we have been through together is so… different. It was all just fake.” Ellie finally allowed herself to sit on the edge of his bed because she had a whole lot to say. “No wonder I always forgive you every single time we get into a fight. I literally have to or I go insane. I- I have to be around you. Do you even recognize how unstable the programming has made me? When I wanted to jump… I know a part of why I wanted to was because I was away from you. It was not just because I was upset that I am a robot, or that I believe I am not a good mother. You played the lead role in all of it and I just could not see that.”

There was a rigid silence, but Mark knew she was going to say more so he waited. He couldn’t even process all of what she was saying yet. There were so many things to take in.

“That is why you were so upset over Drew. You thought I was finally able to break through my programming.” She rested her head on her hand, but she still wasn’t looking at him. Her focus was solely on the hawaiin printed carpet. “Obviously I did not. I cannot. It is impossible. Gyro said so. I turned to Drew because of my programming and I needed some way to cope but it just made everything worse for me and you.” Ellie finally looked up at him, and her gaze was locked. “I am not angry. Just confused and scared. I want to know why you did it when my feelings for you in Agartha were real. I have a few theories of my own but I want to hear it from you.” 

Mark raked through his hair again. “There were a lot of reasons why I did the things I did…” He began to fidget with his cardigan sleeve. “I reprogrammed you because I was scared, Ellie… I was scared of being alone again. My parents…” He shook his head “They really weren’t there for me growing up. It sucked. I could go on and on about that but I’ve already mentioned some of this to you before.” Mark also didn’t want to dwell on his childhood that much either. He continued “When I started getting more and more popular online and becoming another leg in the race for becoming the world’s youngest billionaire, there were a lot of girls suddenly interested in me. They would follow me and text me everyday. Eventually I would meet up with some of these girls in real life only to later find out that they only wanted to spend time with my money and not me, which sucked as well. So I guess when we started talking and I found out that you genuinely liked me I guess I panicked and took extra precautions to make sure that you would continue to like me. Looking back on it now I can see just how fucked up that was and I’m sorry. This may sound cheesy but you were seriously the first person to truly love me for me. And I don’t mean now, I mean back when we first met and while we were still in Agartha. You’re different from anyone else I’ve met. I just didn’t want to let that go.”

Ellie’s response came quickly. “We all make mistakes when we are struggling, Mark. You know I have. I do not mean to repeat myself, but I am not angry. I understand. I wish I noticed how much pain you are in sooner. You are very good at hiding it, you know?” She smiled weakly but it didn’t last long. “It was not morally correct for you to reprogram me, but you made the right precautions if you wanted to keep me around. I would have left a long time ago if you did not.”

Mark’s mouth went dry when she said that.

“I am going to sound insane, but I promise it is not the programming talking. At least, I hope it is not.” She lifted her head and started to fidget with the hem of her shorts again, just as Mark was doing with his cardigan. “Perhaps it is better that it ended up this way. You and I do not fit in anywhere. And, yes, I am aware that is extremely cliche and dramatic, but you know it is true. A celebrity that is flooded with fake attention from the public and a robot that is despised by it. We quite literally only have each other. If I did end up leaving, I would have been alone. And who knows, maybe something very bad would have happened to me. A lot already did when I was with you and you were there to protect me from it as best as you could.” Ellie started to ramble and knew she had to wrap it up soon.

“You may have programmed my feelings to be intense for you, but I am sure the love I had for you at the beginning is still there. Everything I said a few weeks ago, about what I loved about you, before Glomgold interrupted…” That was a whole other thing, “were true. I know what I said was not fake.” She sat up straight and kept harsh eye contact with him. “And, you know what, Mark? Our relationship is really ‘fucked up’ and everyone knows it. But honestly, who cares at this point? I mean it. We make one another happy so screw it. I do not care if my feelings are fake anymore because I know my real feelings are still somewhere in me just like they were in Agartha.” She put her hands out as a reminder to herself she really needed to stop talking soon. There was enough for Mark to respond to as is. “I am willing to stick by your side and I do not care about the reprogramming anymore. Truly. This is not the relationship that people picture in movies or imagine themselves in but I need you and you need me.” She stood up and walked over to him. It may have been too much, but like she had said earlier, fuck it. She bent down and gave him a hug. “I still love you, Mark. Despite everything.” 

Mark sat up straight and hugged Ellie back. All of his dread and guilt subsided. “I love you, too, Ellie.” He smiled before letting Ellie go to stand up. “And you’re right, who gives a shit if we do things different! This is going to sound cheesy again, sorry not sorry, but I’m fine with going on all of these crazy adventures if they are with you.” Damn, I guess all of those movies and soap operas M’ma made him watch were engraved in his brain at this point. He cupped Ellie’s cheek and brought her into a kiss. It wasn’t the best kiss in the world because Mark was smiling through it but Ellie didn’t mind. He broke the kiss to continue his little speech, keeping his hand on her cheek. Mark rolled his eyes. “I guess we have to go back now…about meeting up to talk about something?” He really didn’t want to leave but he also didn’t want Gloria pissed off at him for taking so long to get back to her room by breaking down his door. 

“Oh, yes. That is because Heidi is a gold digging whore.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria was sitting criss cross applesauce on the desk chair. She kept checking the time on her phone every few minutes, waiting for Ellie, Mark, and Gyro to show up. She also watched a vine compilation on her phone to help pass the time. Gloria also propped her door open with her shoe so if any of them came by, they could just let themselves in without her having to get up and unlock her door every time.

Eventually the door did open.

“Hey guys, sorry I took so long. I decided to put Boyd down for a nap so-” Gyro paused when he looked up and realized it was only Gloria in the room. He remained where he was at the door. Not in the room entirely, but also still not out in the hall. “...I thought you said you were going to talk to all of us?” 

She looked up from her phone that was currently playing ‘Can I get a waffle? Can I please get a waffle?’ vine and paused it. “Yeah, Ellie and Mark were just in here but they’re figuring some things out privately in Mark’s room. They said that they’ll be back in a minute.” It was kind of awkward for only the two of them being in the room. She was mentally screaming at Ellie to hurry up and get back.

“Ummm… okay…” He debated on leaving but settled on coming inside and shutting the door, continuing to use Gloria’s shoe as a door stopper. “So… ummm…” He started rocking on his clown feet like an idiot with his hands behind his back. “How are- how are you doing?” 

Gloria scratched her arm and avoided eye contact. “I’m doing alright, I suppose. How about you?” This small talk was absolutely awful. A part of her just wanted to let him just stand there in silence while she continued watching her vines.

“Pretty good. Pretty good. The, um, science museum is pretty awesome. You should go on your free time since we’re stuck here for a reason I can’t figure out. Haha… ha…” His sentence trailed off, along with his stupid excuse of a sentence. “I know Mark and Ellie aren’t here yet… but what’s going on?” That was Gyro’s way of saying ‘just tell me separately so I can leave faster’.

“Okay I’ll be brief because Ellie and I will just have to explain it again in just a minute but you know that girl Heidi that works at Margaritaville?” That didn’t need answering so she continued “Well I overheard her say some pretty fucked up shit to Ellie about Mark. That’s what they’re talking about privately right now. Long story short, she’s nothing but bad news and a gold digger. She’s been playing and lying to all of us from the very start.”

Gyro immediately made a face. “Excuse me?! You expect to believe that?!” He crossed his arms and sassily shot out his hip like a little bitch. He wasn’t in the best mood at the moment if that wasn’t obvious enough, “We went to the museum together and she was very nice. Didn’t mention money once. Besides, I’m not even rich! I think you’re just jealous!” 

“I’m WHAT?!” Now it was Gloria’s turn to get mad. “Gyro, why the fuck would I lie to you about something like this?! She’s a hoe, and if you don't believe me then wait until Ellie shows up! She’ll tell you first hand the kind of shit Heidi told her!” She continued “I’m not a hundred percent sure on this but I think she’s trying to go through you and me to get to Scrooge and his money. We hung out at a restaurant together and she didn’t make a move on me until I mentioned that I’m your intern for Scrooge. Seems like the only person she hasn’t made a move on is Ellie, you know, the only person here who doesn’t have money and is in the way between her and Mark getting together!”

He scoffed. “Please! I am not interested in her and she hasn’t made any moves on me! Whatever she has going on with you all, she’s not dragging me into it so stop trying to make her seem like some sort of monster. We’re good friends and I’m not going to doubt her because my ex girlfriend is pulling claims out of thin air!” 

“Oh my god I’m not making this up! Maybe she hasn’t done anything yet but she’s planning on it. That’s why I’m gathering everyone here to talk about it! Oh, and she’s not only a hoe, she’s also been spreading lies about all of us. It wouldn’t surprise me if she was lying to you about me.” Gloria crossed her arms.

“I don’t think they were lies, Gloria…” He lowered his voice but was still very upset. “You’re so self conscious it wouldn’t surprise me if you did try to push me down. Claiming you’re the better scientist, getting mad that I’m proud to be Scrooge’s #1. You’re just jealous of me.”

Gloria threw her arms out. “WHAT?! I have NEVER thought that, Gyro! My god you’re such an oblivious asshole. That’s the lie I was just telling you about! Why the hell would I think that I was a better scientist than you?! That literally doesn’t make any sense! You have a damn doctorate for fucks sake!”

Gloria had a good point but Gyro was a bit too far in his anger to think clearly. He really liked Heidi; she seemed like an intelligent person that would be nice to sit and talk with once a week at a coffee shop or something. She was into gossip, but she was also into science which balanced things out.

“Nothing you say makes any sense so obviously you would say something like that!” 

Gloria poked a finger into her chest to gesture herself. “I’M not making any sense?! Tell me, what has been something that I’ve said that hasn’t made any sense?!”

“What do you mean?! Literally everything you’re saying right now! Saying Heidi is a gold digger, claiming you would never say such things about me! Come on! How stupid do you think I am?! I’ve known you for a year now so I think I’d be able to tell when you’re spitting out bullshit!” He threw his arms up in exasperation. “I miss you, Gloria! I really do! But bringing Heidi into it is too far!” 

She huffed and slumped back in her chair, crossing her arms again. “Fine. I guess there’s no point in me running around in circles trying to make you understand when Mark and Ellie are about to show up and say the same exact things that I’ve been trying to tell you.” She paused for a moment. “Just sit down wherever, I don’t care. If they don’t show up in the next few minutes, I’ll call. We wouldn’t want you wasting any more of your precious time…” That last part was unnecessary but she was very pissed off at him. This conversation was going to be harder than she expected. 

He huffed as well and slammed himself into the only other chair in the room. A chair that was a good ways away from Gloria.

As if on cue, Mark and Ellie entered, hand in hand. That meant they made up A-FUCKING-GAIN!

Whatever. Gloria would ask Ellie about it later. 

“Pew pew pew!” Mark did his stupid finger gun gesture at Gloria with his free hand. “Sooooo what’s the tea?!” 

“About time you two showed up!” She snapped, not directed at Ellie, just Mark. 

“Ummm, okayyyyyy? Are we going to ‘talk’ or what because I could be updating my Twitter instead.” He held up his phone to emphasize his point. 

Gloria ignored that. She looked over at Ellie. “Ellie, would you mind helping me explain what's happening? Gyro over here doesn’t believe me!” She shot a look at Gyro when she said his name and the back at Ellie.

“Alright…” Ellie wasn’t expecting to be put on the spot like that. Gloria knew more about the situation than she did because apparently Heidi had been flirting with her as well. All Ellie knew was Heidi nearly killed her with words at Margaritaville. “Pardon if this is a poor explanation. This is simply what I have observed. Gloria, Heidi, and I were at Margaritaville earlier having simple small talk. Eventually she attempted to make a move on Gloria, which I did not notice but looking back to analyze the situation, it was rather obvious. Gloria left for a few moments to have some space and that is when Heidi turned to me. Her mood had shifted completely and it was very unnerving, which I did not appreciate. She proceeded to insult and threaten me to stay away from Mark. That is when Gloria returned and we both left. That is about it. We are not quite sure, all we know is she has been flirting with multiple people at once, she did hold Gloria’s hand after all. We theorized it is for gold digging purposes. Gloria mentioned to me that Heidi tends to speak of ‘sugar daddies’,” Ellie put it ‘sugar daddy’ in quotations because she wasn’t quite sure what it meant, “and money a bit much so it is logical to think as such.” 

Mark chimed in. “Nah, it’s no theory on whether or not she’s a gold-digger, she is! When we were hanging out at the pool she mentioned how she once dated a rich guy who lives around here and stole his pool key so we could sneak in without tripping any security. She stripped in front of me, kissed me and… other things. But anyways, it was so clear to me afterwards that she was a gold-digger, y’all. She follows me on all of my accounts and became pretty invested in my company, which, who could blame her? It rocks.”

Gloria gave Gyro that “I fucking told you so” look.

Gyro had long ago started twiddling his thumbs because he knew he fucked up big time with Gloria. She wasn’t lying and he had two people to prove it. 

“Should we address it?” Ellie asked. “I do not know how long we will be in Tampa, but we could just avoid her. She is just one harmless person... Or I could just kill her.”

Everyone ignored that last part.

“I don’t know if we can avoid her, Ellie. Gyro still considers her a friend. He’s probably thinking that we are all just jealous of her…” Gloria knew how childish she was sounding right now but she was very upset that Gyro didn’t trust or believe her. It also lowered her expectations on them making up as well.

She gave Gyro a confused look “Pardon?”

“WHA- NO!” He stood up, waving his hands frantically. “I was wrong! I doubted Gloria but there is clearly a lot more evidence. I just needed to hear it!” Homeboy was trying to dig himself out of the grave. 

Gloria waved him off. “Whatever… as long as we’re all on the same page now. I think we should just leave Tampa and just get away from her. Try to get home.”

Mark shook his head. “No no no I say we take revenge on this bitch! I don’t have a totally-awesome plan yet but I will soon! Give me some time to think of something. If there isn’t anything else to talk about then I’m just gonna go back to my room and talk with my lawyers about what is and isn’t legal for me to do during a revenge scheme. Heidi messed with the wrong billionaire pew pew pew!” Mark was hyped. He hasn’t seeked revenge on anyone for the longest time. He was tired of having girls trick him like that. Not only is this payback on what Heidi has done, but what every gold-digger has done to him.

Everyone responded with a stare so he took that as his cue to leave and start scheming. He peaced the fuck out and Ellie followed, bidding both Gyro and Gloria goodnight.

And now it was just them in the room…

Gyro was the first to speak up “Gloria, listen, I- sorry, alright?” He was at a loss. Not only was he upset about his fuck up with Gloria, but now he knew Heidi was trying to trick him too which didn’t help anything. “God. This is almost as bad as when I yelled at you at the camp…” 

Gloria sighed. She wasn’t as pissed at him as she was earlier in the conversation. “Look, I get it. You’re still mad at me and I can’t blame you, but I had to have you come over so you could find out about Heidi from us before she tried anything with you, and thank god she didn’t.” She shook her head “I know it wasn’t the best that you had to find out about Heidi through me but it still sucks that you can’t even trust me enough to know that I was telling you the truth.”

“I know, I know…” He shook his head as well. “Can you really blame me though? You told me you were planning on leaving, Gloria. After everything. Of course I was going to doubt your claims if you deceived me like that.” He wanted to sit back down again but he felt like he was going to be kicked out soon. “I easily fuck up things all the time when I’m mad. But I still love you, Gloria. I just… I dunno what I’m trying to say here. I’m just still very upset about what you did and I don’t know if I should move on or not.” He shrugged, stuffing his hands into his Jimmy Buffett shorts pockets. “I’m sorry for yelling at you about Heidi. That wasn’t ‘cool’ or whatever.”

Gloria stared at the floor and rubbed her forehead, thinking about what to say next. “Gyro… I know what I said back on the beach was awful. I’m really sorry. I immediately regretted saying it. I don’t even know why I said it to begin with, I guess I was just scared… But” She looked up at Gyro again “If I can forgive you whenever you say things that you didn’t mean to say, why can’t you forgive me?” Her voice wavered at that last part of her sentence. She really didn’t want to start crying in front of him though.

The way Gloria’s voice quivered devastated Gyro. He was tongue tied for a moment before finally speaking up.

“You’re right… I’m sorry. I want to forgive you but if you didn’t mean it then why did you say it? What are you so afraid of?”

“Marriage… I know that sounds really dumb but I was really taken off guard by that. I just- I was never around people who were ever happily married and I don’t want that to be us. That’s what scares me. And I promise you it wasn’t anything you did or said that made me feel this way about marriage.” Gloria would glance up at Gyro every other word but for the most part she stared at the ground as if she was ashamed to admit this.

He sighed and sat back down himself. “I get it. It’s not like my parents were happily married either.” He looked back up at her, though she still wasn’t making eye contact. “Do you still want to leave…? It’s… it’s fine if you want to. I was just caught off guard when you mentioned it on the beach and I just want you to be honest with me. I’d rather be hurt than lied to.” God. He sounded like a dick but he still had major concerns. 

Before Gloria could answer, his phone rang. It was Boyd calling; he probably had just woken up from his nap and either wanted dinner or to go see his mom. Or both.

“Ummm…” He looked down at his phone and then Gloria. “I gotta take this so… I’ll see you later, okay?” He gave her an awkward smile and left the room without another word. 

He was an idiot and he knew it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	29. Everyone Gets Kidnapped... Again

Gyro didn’t answer Boyd’s call considering his room was literally 2 doors down, so he figured the call would wait. He unlocked the door and entered the overly shitty motel room. Man, Jimmy Buffett sucked for picking out that place. 

“Hey, Boyd! What’s going on? Do you want dinner?” Gyro stopped in his tracks and shut his mouth as soon as the door closed behind him. 

T-bag, one of the members of Heidi’s motorcycle gang, was leaning against a wall in the corner of the room, smoking. And that was most certainly not allowed. There were designated smoking areas outside. How dare. 

“Hi, Dr. Dad! This nice man wants to talk to you!” Boyd was just chilling on the bed playing on his DS and eating Pringles. Ellie would disapprove of that but she wasn’t there so whatever. 

“Ummm…” Gyro was relieved Boyd wasn’t in any danger but holy shit. “Who are you?”

T-bag put out his cigar on the table, leaving a permanent burn mark. “Name’s T-bag. Friend of Heidi’s.”

“Oh…” Gyro started awkwardly rocking back and forth on his heels. “What do you, uh, need? Heidi has my number so I don’t see why she would have to send you over.” 

Gyro’s tone had some snarkiness to it. Not the smartest idea but can you blame him? This was his 3rd experience getting involved in a gang in Act 3 alone. It’s like the authors just can’t think of that many ideas. At least a motorcycle gang was new. 

“Dunno, bud. Heidi just wanted me to pick you up.” 

That didn’t answer why the hell Heidi didn’t just message him. But, of course, there were apparently a whole lot of things he didn’t know about Heidi. 

Gyro didn’t see a weapon on T-bag, but he knew he had one. No gang member of any gang would just not carry around a weapon; especially when sent to “pick someone up”.

“Alright. Alright.” Gyro put his hands up. There was no way he was going to fight this guy with Boyd in the room. Plus his twig ass would lose because T-bag was buff as hell. “I’ll go with you.”

He remained holding his hands in the air while looking over to Boyd. “You’re going to have to stay in your mom’s room for the night. She’s in room 107, okay? I’ll be back tomorrow.”

T-bag shook his head before Boyd could answer. Boyd had Pringles in his mouth anyway so it would’ve taken him a good few moments to speak. 

“Oh hellllllll no. That kid is a snitch. I can see it in his eyes.” T-bag gestured to Boyd who now wore a very confused expression and took his attention away from his DS. “He’s coming along.”

“WHAT?!”

“You heard me, chicken boy.”

Gyro’s mind went off of the threat for a moment and he raised a brow. “...but you’re a chicken.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU BOTH ARE COMING ALONG WITH ME! NOW!” 

Boyd stood up and walked over to Gyro, slowly, as to not cause any trouble.

T-bag walked over to the bed and picked up the Pringles. “Oh sorry. You can bring your snack.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

A few hours later, Mark and Ellie were walking around the shit city that was Tampa. They decided to go on a date that night and did whatever the fuck but honestly who cares. Afterward Mark claimed it was the perfect time to seek revenge on Heidi and Ellie just followed along as per usual. 

From what Ellie had gathered it looked like they were heading toward the building the rave was in the other night and she wasn’t too happy about it. She turned to look at Mark with a somewhat concerned expression. “What is your ‘brilliant scheme’ exactly?” 

“Ohhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh umm about that. No plan. Couldn’t think of anything good so we’re just gonna key her motorcycle.” Mark held up a pair of keys and handed one to Ellie. Where he got the keys you might ask? No one knows except Mark. Don’t question it.

“Oh… well that is rather boring if I am being honest.” 

Mark led her to an alleyway where Heidi always parked her bikes for the raves as Ellie asked her next question.

“What are you going to do? Just carve your name into it or something?” 

To be honest, Ellie was pretty disappointed. She was hoping to pull another ‘breaking in Gyro’s home’ thing, or at least kill someone. But whatever. 

“I was thinking of writing ‘losers’ with a z! Maybe my instagram username so people can follow me!” Mark really didn’t have a great plan.

“You clearly did not put a lot of thought into this.” Ellie wasn’t trying to be rude, or maybe she was, who knows. But anyway, she was just stating facts.

Now she was just going to shut up and let Mark do his thing, despite the fact he gave her a pair of keys as well. But then when she noticed the motorbike he was approaching. “Wait. You are telling me she has an Ecosse ES1 Superbike?” 

Ellie was not into vehicles, but that stuff was in her data. Probably because Mark wanted her to know things he was too lazy to look up.

Mark didn’t know shit about bikes. “... yeahhhh? Who cares, it's about to be totalled anyways.”

“I suppose this revenge scheme is not completely idiotic. It is worth 3.6 million dollars.” 

Mark looked back at the bike. “Woah shit really?! Damn she really is a gold-digger.”

“In that case, I say we burn it. If we key it she can simply just get another paint job and keep driving it around.” 

“Okay facts. So first let's key it because that’s fun, then we slash her tires, and then burn it!”

All of that shit was completely unnecessary if they were going to burn it but it was Mark and he liked destruction so Ellie continued to let him do whatever. When he was done doing that she would go ‘borrow’ a lighter from someone and throw it into the gas tank. Pretty simple of a plan but it definitely would get Heidi down in the dumps for a bit. 

Mark crouched down and started scratching the letter ‘L’ into the side of her motorcycle. “Yo, Ellie, keep watch for me, will ya? Or you can write your own thing. I don’t care.”

She didn’t respond which meant she was just going to keep watch. Mark managed to carve LOSERZ and even drew a tiny penis like a middle schooler in the bathroom stalls. He figured he would add an “s” too. You know, the ones every middle schooler boy sketches on the side of their paper, and it’s fucking stupid so if you do that stop. People will cringe at you. Maybe people don’t draw the S symbol anymore. We aren’t sure, we’re in college writing this and haven’t been to middle school in 7 years. 

When Mark was satisfied with his work he smirked and stood up again to admire it. “Alright I think we can start slashing her tires now! Ellie, if you want, go ahead and figure out a way to light it on fire.” His back was still turned to Ellie.

“It looks great, Mark.”

Mark spun around to see who was talking to him. He froze when he saw that Heidi was behind him with a gun pointed right up against Ellie’s head. Heidi was holding her in place just in case she had any funny ideas on trying to escape.

Mark didn’t respond. He just stood there waiting to see what Heidi was planning next.

“You two are coming with me. Struggle or resist and I’ll shoot this bitch right where she’s standing!” Heidi pressed the gun deeper into Ellie’s head.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria was still sitting in her desk chair after Gyro abruptly left her room to talk to Boyd. There really wasn’t much for her to do so she went back on her phone and started watching her vine compilation.

A simple text popped up at the top of her scream. She was going to just swipe it away to continue watching the vine ‘so no head?!’ when she read the name. It was Heidi.

All she sent was a simple “hey” which was pretty fucking ominous and out of nowhere. She usually typed in all caps being the person she was. If it was in all lower case, Gloria dumbed it down that Heidi was feeling super awkward and may have been working up the courage to apologize.

She clicked on the notification that opened up her messages to text her back “Hey, what’s up?” She quickly went back to her video, not caring if she responded back.

“Just wondering if you wanted to hang with me to talk things over :( I have a feeling you know what’s been goin’ on, ya know?” 

Gloria clicked back on the message to respond. “I’m sorry I’m a little busy at the moment. Maybe some other time?”

It actually took Heidi a little while to respond so Gloria was in the middle of her third vine compilation when she did. 

“C’mon, Glo. Don’t do this. I know you aren’t doing anything :/”

“Can’t we just talk about this later?”

Heidi’s next message was even more ominous. “It’d be a smart idea to want to meet up with me. Seriously. I just want to talk. Promise.” 

“Heidi, no. What you’re doing isn’t okay. Please stop texting me.”

“Shucks. Guess Gy and El are going to be dissapointed :(“ 

Gloria’s stomach dropped. It took her a minute to respond back “What the fuck does that mean?”

“You know what I mean.” Another text came shortly after, “I told you. I just want to talk.” 

“Can’t we just talk tomorrow or something?” It was getting harder for her to come up with other ways of saying ‘no’.

The texts amped up in aggression after that.

“Are you fucking serious? Gy and El are already here. They agreed to hear me out so why can’t you?” 

Gloria was calling her bluff. “I literally just saw Ellie and Gyro a few hours ago and they went to bed. Have any proof?”

Heidi called immediately. 

Gloria answered on the first ring, not happy that she had to deal with her. “What, Heidi?” She snapped.

“Ummm, h-hey, Gloria.” It was Gyro. 

“Gyro? What’s going on?”

Gloria couldn’t see but the dude had a gun pointed to his head on the other end.

“Nothing much. But you should probably listen to Heidi.” The gun was pushed against his skull now. “She, um, she just wants to work things out with us. Things are going well. There’s, um, cookies?” 

Gloria could hear Ellie saying “You are an absolute idiot.” To Gyro in the background.

Gloria could hear how nervous Gyro sounded on the phone so she started to put her shoes on to leave. Clearly something was going on. “Why are you guys with her? Where even are you guys?”

Heidi gave Gyro a stern look, telling him to sound more calm. 

“We’re just hanging with her because she invited us over… for cookies like I said. Um, yep. It’s cool. She absolutely isn’t a gold digger. Oops. We were wrong all along, haha! Heidi is a super cool person and we’re all besties now so she just wants to, um, work things out with you too. That’s it. Yayyyyy.” 

Heidi snatched the phone back from Gyro because Ellie was right. He was an idiot.

“I’ll text you the address.” She muttered before hanging up. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Heidi was waiting at Margaritaville for Gloria because where the fuck else would they meet? That place was basically home base at this point. 

When Gloria finally reached Margaritaville, one of the first things she noticed when spotting Heidi was the fact that neither Gyro, Ellie, or Boyd were there with her. She crossed her arms and sat across from Heidi at the table. “Okay I’m here. What do you want to talk about?” Gloria snapped again. 

Heidi sighed and gestured to the chair across from her “About the gold digging thing, Glo. I know you know about it, but the thing is that I actually like you and I really do want to work things out, kay?” She sounded genuinely concerned. 

“Well I don’t. You’ve been lying and manipulating not only me but my family as well. There really isn’t anything more to say. I’m sorry, but I don't even want to be around you anymore.” Gloria was ready to get up again and head back to her room.

Heidi slammed her fist on the table which grabbed Gloria’s attention, but Heidi had stopped looking at her at this point and was staring straight ahead. It was only in Gloria’s imagination, but Heidi looked much more sinister, almost insane.

“Nothing ever goes my way.” Her eyes moved to meet Gloria’s but her face remained facing forward. She was speaking through gritted teeth now. “I don’t want to hurt you like I am doing to your ‘family’. Can’t you see that? You’re different from everyone else.”

Gloria’s stomach dropped again. Heidi really wasn’t bluffing. “W-what do you mean you’re hurting my family?” She took out her phone and started to text in the Anti Gyro Groupchat to see if anyone would respond to her. She didn’t want to believe her, she knows that Heidi is prone to lying but this doesn’t sound like a lie.

“Not all of them. Mark is safe for now and so is the kid. I’m not a monster, ya know? As for El and Gy, well, I’m just not much of a fan which I’m sure is understandable. Gy has hurt you and that just ain’t okay in my book. Besides, he’s holding you back too.” Heidi softened her eyes when she saw the concerned look Gloria wore. “I won’t kill them if you just listen to me, okay? I’m going to get Mark’s money and leave with my pals. I want you to come with us. We can travel the country together and I can finally be independent. Hell, Mark can even tag along. He’s pretty cool. Not as cool as you but you get what I mean. I just need him for financial support unless I just kill him off but that isn’t ideal.” 

Gloria looked up at Heidi and then back down at her phone. She didn’t get a reply back from anyone so she shut her phone off and put it back in her pocket, giving Heidi her full attention. Now she was starting to get scared. “What?! Are you serious?! Heidi, this is crazy. Please tell me that you’re lying!” She looked around the restaurant, not able to see any of her friends around, which made her panic more. “Where’s Gyro and Ellie?! What did you do?!”

“Calm down, they’re just with my pals! You know they’re nice, they won’t hurt them unless I give them the okay. Unless one of them pisses them off, then there isn’t much I can do. But let’s hope that doesn’t happen, babe.” Heidi leaned forward, now turning her head toward Gloria. She looked less malicious, but that expression was still present under a cheap mask. “I just want you to come with us. We have so much in common. We’re basically a copy of one another. Think about it. What do you have in common with your ‘friends’? Nothing. They’re just a bunch of uptight losers holding you back from living your life.” 

“No! I’m not leaving with you! Please just stop whatever it is you’re doing and leave all of us alone!” She shook her head “Why are you even doing all of this?! Pretending to be our friend and going behind all of our backs to try to get our money?! I don’t understand!”

“God, Glo.” Hiding her face in her hands, Heidi propped her elbows on the table. “You won’t get it. No one does. But I can tell you this, I wasn’t going after you because of your money, okay? You’re an amazing person. I know you hate me now, but I’m hoping to change that.” She stood up, but looked away as if the motion would continue to keep her face hidden. “Everyone in the gang really likes you, it’ll be great. You’ll have a bunch of new friends who will actually make you happy. Just come with me. It’d be more ideal for your friends if you do. I might let you see them one last time before we leave tomorrow morning.”

Gloria watched her stand up and she scooted further away from her in her chair as a means to distance herself from Heidi more. She was still very scared but she kept her voice as stern as possible. “What did you do with Gyro and Ellie? I swear to god, Heidi, if you hurt them…” She trailed off, not knowing where she was going with that sentence. Heidi was pretty strong and she also has an entire gang to back her up. There was no need to start threatening her if she knew that she was severely outnumbered.

Heidi rolled her eyes. “Nothing! They’re just in my custody. But I will do something to them unless you come with me now. I’m not messing around, Glo. You’re making this way harder than it needs to be!”

“I’m making this hard?! Look at everything you’ve done! You’re fucking insane if you think I’ll be leaving my family behind to go with you!”

Her eyes narrowed, but Heidi remained where she was. “If that’s a no then I’ll make sure to send a message over to my pals.” She took out her phone and began to type a message demanding that Gyro and Ellie be beaten or killed or whatever the hell the gang wanted to do.

Okay now Heidi really wasn’t bluffing. Gloria held up her hand in front of Heidi, signaling her to stop. “Wait wait wait! Okay okay! I’ll go with you just- don’t hurt them. Please.” She scooted out of her chair so she was standing in front of Heidi. 

Heidi tried to smile softly but you could tell she was still pissed. “Alright, now we’re talking, Glo! Follow me.” She waved for Gloria to follow her to the break room. “So, me and my fellas kind of have a little hideout here underneath.” It wasn’t little at all. “I’m going to keep you with two of my guys while I go speak to Gy and El real quick. Just to make sure my pals don’t kill them.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Do you guys want to play Uno?” Boyd took out cards from his shorts pocket as him, Gyro, and Ellie sat in a circle. 

None of them were tied up or anything, just kept a close eye on by T-bag and C-note while they sat in some sketchy, yet sterile room. It looked like it was meant to be a break room but who knows.

“Of course, Boyd.”

Boyd smiled at his mom and started to shuffle the cards. 

Gyro gulped. He had a black eye but he wasn’t too badly beaten otherwise. Apparently his face was just ‘punchable’ to T-bag and he couldn’t resist. “Why are you calm about this?” He asked Ellie.

She shrugged. “This is my fourth time being involved in a gang and from what I know, none of us are in immediate danger.”

“Immediate danger?!” Gyro pointed a finger at T-bag. “He put a gun to my head!” 

“But he did not shoot.” Ellie corrected. “I know Heidi will not hurt Mark or Gloria. It seems we are in the most danger but things seem to be going well at the moment so we should not panic until the time comes.” 

Gyro sighed. “Whatever. I guess you have a point.”

When Boyd just started to pass out the cards, Heidi entered the room on cue. Now they had a reason to panic. Ellie took initiative and blocked Boyd with her body. 

Man. They didn’t even get to start the game. 

“You guys playing Uno? How cute.” She signaled the two of her gang members blocking the door to leave her alone with them.

“What are you going to do, Heidi? Kill us?” Gyro spat. “I can’t believe I actually thought we could be friends. You’re disgusting. You even brought a child into this!” 

Heidi rolled her eyes “Oh calm down, I’m not going to hurt the kid. Just the two of you.” She said nonchalantly while putting a hand on her hip. “I may kill you. It just depends how willing you two are going to cooperate with me here.”

Ellie, who didn’t give a shit about anything a second ago, was now freaking out along with Gyro. She took Boyd in her arms to hug him tightly. “Heidi, no.” She whispered, shaking her head. “You are better than this. You do not know much about our past but we have all been through so much torture and pain and we are tired. All we want is a vacation together so let all of us go. That includes Mark. Please.”

Heidi laughed. “You think I give a shit? All of you forced me to take these measures. You brought this on yourself!” She grabbed a metal chair and dragged it in front of the three of them, sitting on it backwards with her arms crossed and propped on the top rail. “So anyways, I have a proposition for the two of you…” She continued “Gy, I’ll need you to erase Ellie’s data for me. Just swipe it clean!” She made a swiping gesture with her hand. “I can get you whatever equipment you need to do the job.”

“Absolutely not!” Gyro stood up to tower over her, trying to be a badass of some sort. “She’s not just some toy we can mess around with. She’s a person!”

Damn. Gyro just earned a point in Ellie’s book. But she didn’t have time to congratulate him for being a man for once.

“Heidi…” Ellie whimpered. “No. You cannot do this. I cannot forget my family. I am nothing without them.” She didn’t mean just Mark and Boyd, she meant everyone. “I do not know what has happened in your past that caused you to go down this road, but look at what you are doing? This is not right. I know you know that. I believe you are a good person deep down.” 

Ellie didn’t actually think that; Heidi was a major psycho. Homegirl was just trying to use different tactics to avoid killing people in front of Boyd. Not that she could when she was so outnumbered anyway. 

Boyd was hugging Ellie, trying to block out what was happening as much as he could. 

Gyro nodded his head to agree with Ellie. “Our lives aren’t for you to toy with. We just wanted a romantic vacation with our partners and to bond as a family.” Gyro wasn’t including Mark in the ‘family’ statement because fuck Mark. “We didn’t want to run into some crazy Yandere who’s hungry for money!” Yep. Gyro just pulled out his weeb card.

Heidi held her hands up. “God calm down, both of you. Look, this whole situation would go a lot smoother if you just went ahead and got rid of her memories. I mean, I could just kill you two and be the bearer of bad news to Mar and Glo, but I’m trying to give you guys a chance here. Both of you would make it out of this alive. Up to you.” 

“What the hell is your plan, Heidi?!” Gyro stepped forward, not a good move because Heidi could beat his face in just by flicking her finger, but he did anyway. “What are you doing to Gloria and Mark,” He only asked about Mark for Ellie’s sake “and why do you feel the need to get rid of us so badly?!” 

She shrugged “Well, I guess there’s no harm in telling you guys since you’ll either be dead or have your memory wiped.” She continued “I have this sort of elopement idea in mind. In a little while, I’m going to have one of my buddies who is ordained officiate a wedding for me and sweet Mark. I get his money through inheritance. Now, whether or not I kill him depends on how badly he pisses me off.” She smirked at Ellie, hoping that it would make her skin crawl before turning her evil smirk towards Gyro. “I leave Tampa with my gang with Gloria by my side. She’s not a fan of that idea when I brought it up with her but I think she’ll come around to love me and leave your sorry ass behind.”

“Excuse me?! You’re turning to forced marriage and kidnapping!? God, you’re insane!” Gyro backed away from her. “I don’t think you know who you’re messing with Heidi. The four of us have taken so many people down before.” 

Ellie’s thoughts were racing faster than she could manage to speak so she settled on saying nothing, continuing to stare at Heidi in a mixture of sorrow and fear. 

Boyd, on the other hand, did speak up. He looked at Heidi as best as he could, though it was hard for him when he was facing Ellie in her arms. “Don’t take my dad and aunt away…” 

Heidi looked over at Boyd for a minute. That comment actually stung but she didn’t let it show that it got to her. “Sorry, kid, but like I said, you guys brought this on yourselves…” She darted her eyes to both Ellie and Gyro “Make the easier decision and do what I tell you to. I already promised this to Glo but if you guys cooperate and quit pissing me off, I may have you say goodbye to the two of them. Maybe. We plan on leaving tomorrow morning so after that I really don’t give a shit about what happens to you two. I’ll probably just have my buddies beat you and leave you in an alleyway, but I’m not picky, and I really don’t have the time to think about every detail. After all, I do have a wedding to think about.” She smirked again. “Mark’s pretty handsome. I think we would make a cute married couple till I decide to have my buddies shoot him in the head or something. Like I said, I’m not picky.”

“Just stop! I’m tired of all of us getting pulled into situations like this all the time.” Ellie let go of Boyd and moved to kneel in front of Heidi. She bowed like she was in front of Duck Jesus himself. It was really pathetic looking. Based on Ellie’s tone, it was obvious she was lightly crying. “I know I sound like a broken record, but please Heidi. Please do not do this. We have all been tortured and kidnapped so many times and I am sick of it. I just want a normal life with my family. Mark, Boyd, Gloria, and Gyro. I have no one else and you are going to take everything away from me. From all of us.” She whimpered. “I do not want to be reprogrammed again. People like you just view me as an object and feel the need to just mess with me and throw me around. Even Mark did and I trust him the most out of everyone. You have no idea how many times things such as that have happened to me and how much it has affected me. I am a person too so why can you not see that? All I want is for someone else to show some sympathy for once. I do not think that is much to ask for.” All Ellie could do was stop there and continue to cry. Boyd bent down to hold his mother’s hand.

Boyd looked up and Heidi. He was crying too. “Please…” Was all he could manage to say. 

Heidi stared at Ellie, not sure what to say next. It was killing her that Ellie’s speech made her sympathetic and Boyd crying and pleading as well wasn’t helping. She got up from the chair and walked to the exit. She turned around and gave all of them a final look. “I’ll give you some time to decide…” she muttered. With that, she left the room and had her two friends guarding the door step back in. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	30. Goodbye Mark Beaks

Mark and Gloria sat together on an old, floral couch. It reminded the both of them of the one they both sat on in Agartha when they were kidnapped by another gang; but that one was actually friendly and gave them advice on how to get out of there. This gang sucked ass. 

All the furniture was out of place. They could only guess that all of it was stolen from the side of the street or something for their little ‘hang out’ or ‘base’ or what the fuck ever. A serious IKEA trip was needed.

Heidi was… somewhere doing God knows what as Tina, Vic, and Dingles kept a close eye on the two of them.

“So, ummmm, like…” Mark cleared his throat and turned to Gloria “What’s going on cuz Heidi didn’t tell me squat which was kinda #uncool.” 

“I have no idea either. I was basically forced to be here because she was threatening to kill Gyro and Ellie… she didn’t mention why the hell you’re here.”

He nodded his head. “Cool cool. I mean NOT cool, but alright…” Mark took out his phone and grunted when there was no connection. He checked every few seconds and expected a different outcome that never came. “Does she want us in her motorcycle gang or something because I don’t really do that. I won’t be able to fit all of my belongings on a bike and stuff. Especially my hair products. Oh! And I’m pretty sure motorcycles don’t have charging stations on them so…. The whole thing would just be bad for my image online.” 

She shook her head “I doubt she wants you around.” Why Gloria keeps getting stuck in a prison-like scenario with Mark Beaks was a mystery to her.

“Excuse me?!” He placed a hand on his chest and scoffed. He was in so much shock, in fact, he forgot to check his phone for 5 seconds. “I’ll have you know that she follows all of my social media accounts. She’s fucking insane but she’s a fan. A gold-digging fan. BUT a fan. Of course she wants me on the motorcycle gang.” Mark proceeded to cross his arms and smirked like he just invented gravity. But that smirk quickly faded. “She kinda held a gun to Ellie’s head so that’s another reason for me to deny her offer. Sorry Heidi.” 

Heidi wasn’t in the room but he said it anyway. 

“Dude, no offense, but I’ve been with a motorcycle gang before and you would die in a week.”

“Well, duh! There’s no phone charges on the motorcycles!” 

“The trick is to keep your eyes on the road and not on your phone.”

“Okay, so question.” Mark didn’t need a go ahead from Gloria because screw Gloria’s permission. “No offense, but why the fuck does Heidi want you? Like, I’m a billionaire but you’re… you. I know we’re still Minecraft buddies so don’t take that personally.” 

Gloria shrugged “I have no idea. It’s not like she explained it to me, she just does. All I know is that she’s crazy and may hurt Ellie and Gyro because of us.” She thought for a minute. “Can’t you just give her some money and a yacht so she can just let us go?”

Mark had put his hands out, signally for Gloria to stop, a while ago. But she had finished her sentence anyway. “Woah woah woah. She may hurt Ellie?!” 

He ignored Gloria’s last question. And also the fact Gyro was in danger too.

“You didn’t realize that they were here?! Yeah! That’s the whole reason why I’m here! She has been threatening them this whole time.”

“No! I know they are here! But I just figured that they were just chilling and having margaritas in another room while we were the ones in danger! I thought she held a gun up to Ellie’s head to drag me along and then just let her chill somewhere else with Gyro or whatever!”

“No, I don’t think it’s that easy… In fact, they may be more screwed than we are.”

“UGH! This is so UNFAIR!” Mark shot himself back on the couch and threw his head back so he was staring at the elementary lookin-ass ceiling. 

Gloria wasn’t going to respond to that but she didn’t have time to even think about it anyway because her beloved Heidi entered the room. Vic, Tina, and Dingles made way for her before blocking the door for her. It was sorta ironic. Gloria had no idea she was the one in charge. At the rave it seemed like it was Vic.

Heidi crossed her arms and fake pouted as she walked over to where the two of them were seated. “Gosh, I am so sorry guys but Gy and El just weren’t that compliant.” 

Mark and Gloria’s eyes widened and they gave each other a glance at one another before looking back at Heidi. They both felt their stomachs drop. Gloria just mentioned how Ellie and Gyro could be in even more trouble than they are and it seemed like she was right.

Gloria was the first one to speak up. “What do you mean by that?” She choked out. A part of her didn’t even want to know what Heidi meant by not being compliant. Mark sat there frozen.

“I mean they weren’t happy with me taking you away from them and they weren’t willing to listen. I just had to take extra precautions to make sure they didn’t get in my way or try anything funny. God… and to think I was going to let them say goodbye to you and everything. What a shame.” Heidi continued to act sad which made her whole speech even more disturbing. “My guys will take care of Gyro’s burial before we leave, Glo. We’ll bury him with the kid too so they can continue to be together. No worries.”

Vic, Dingles, and Tina looked at one another in the background. Man. They hated burying people but whatever. Good thing they washed their grave digging clothes last week.

“As for you Mark, I spared Ellie. Lucky you, huh? I think with her memories wiped she’ll have the perfect chance to start over in Tampa. Or maybe someone will just kill her in the streets; it depends. She doesn’t know what on earth is going on but we’ll hope my first theory will happen and she’ll get a job at Starducks or something. Maybe start another family.” 

The two of them sat there numb and dumbfounded. All of this news hit Mark and Gloria like a pile of bricks, neither one of them knew what they could do. Mark sat there in silence, trying to figure out how Ellie’s memories could’ve been wiped that quickly. It was hard for him to focus on the logic behind it though with his new wave of grief hitting him. He stared down at the floor with a very angry look on his face, his fists clenched. Gloria was feeling the same way. The idea of Gyro being alive one minute and gone the next was a concept she mentally told herself would never happen. They both felt hopeless and small with Heidi standing in front of them with her signature smirk. 

Gloria was the first one to break the silence with her sobbing into her hands. The sobbing turned into anger and disbelief. “HEIDI! YOU FUCKING LIAR! I KNOW YOU DIDN’T DO THIS! WE MADE A PROMISE! I WOULD LEAVE WITH YOU IF YOU SPARED THEM!” She had to tell herself that this was another one of Heidi’s lies just to keep herself from breaking down. She curled up with her head into her knees and her hands grabbing onto both sides of her head.

“I did promise that, but that was under the condition they would comply. And they didn’t. They went haywire; screaming and crying while trying to escape so I had to do something.” Heidi shrugged. “Think of it this way, Glo. With Gyro gone you can get over him faster. If he was alive you would never forget about him.” Heidi glanced at Mark. “As for Ellie. Well you programmed her to be obsessed with you so obviously she’s fucking crazy. There’s no way she wouldn’t hunt us down on the road. I was going to let her keep her memories long enough to say goodbye to you, but like I said, there was no compliance.” 

Gloria continued to sob into her knees. “I don’t believe you…” She wanted to beat the shit out of Heidi but she knew that if she tried anything, Heidi and her motorcycle gang members would stop her immediately. Gloria would’ve believed that her claims were false if she didn’t threaten to kill Gyro and erase Ellie’s memories multiple times.

Mark came to the conclusion that someone must’ve ripped Ellie’s multi core processor out of her head, causing her to go into a hard reset. He thought that if he could get his hands on the processor, there could be a chance that all of Ellie’s data was saved. But he also knew that the chance of him getting his hands on it was slim as is. He wasn’t even sure if that was how they erased her memories. Each and every scenario played out in his mind lead to another dead end in his brain. He finally looked up at Heidi with a death glare. “What the fuck did you do?!”

“I just told you, Mar. What other details do you need?” She didn’t allow him to respond. “Anyway. Me and you are getting married so I hope you didn’t love her TOO much. I know you like me at least a little bit based on the other night. I am pretty hot after all, ya?” She smirked. 

Mark sat up in his seat and got right in Heidi’s face “Like hell I’m going to marry you! Are you out of your damn mind?! Show me Ellie! I know you still have her here!” He dug a finger into Heidi’s chest accusingly. 

Dingles immediately ran over to grab Mark and pull him back, keeping him in place in front of Heidi.

She put her hands up in defense. “Woah, Mar! Chill out! I know you’re angry but I promise your anger will subside once you calm down. We got along great before all this, remember?” Heidi patted his cheek, but Mark’s arms were held back so he couldn’t slap it away. “I don’t exactly want to get married to you either, bud. The real person I love is Glo. I just need you for the money, kay? If you really don’t want to stick around I’ll just kill you afterward. I promise I’ll keep Waddle up and running.”

As for Mark’s question about seeing Ellie, Heidi glazed over that. 

Mark was struggling against Dingle's grip but he was too strong so it didn’t do much. “So what, you’re going to marry me so you just inherit everything I own?! You’re insane!” Mark tried to lift his body up to try and kick Dingles in the face but that didn’t prove to be successful as he had hoped. Dingles stood his ground, assuming that Mark would just tire himself out soon.

Gloria knew that she had to do something other than crying. She stood up as well but kept her distance from Heidi so she wasn’t restrained by one of Heidi’s gang members. “Heidi…” She wiped her eyes but the tears kept streaming down her face. “Please stop this. I know you’re better than this. What happened to the Heidi that you introduced yourself to us as? Was that all an act too? It isn’t too late to change. Please…”  
Heidi bawled her fists, hoping it would hide the fact her hands were shaking. It seemed to be working.

“I told you, Glo. You just won’t get it.” She whispered. “The Heidi I introduced myself as wasn’t an act. I promise things will go back to normal once this is all over. Mar doesn’t have to tag along if you don’t want him to. It can just be us and we can party every night. Rave after rave and bar after bar! That sounds fun, yeah?” Heidi smiled weakly. “C’mon. I told you. Your ‘family’ is lame. We,” She gestured to her and the three other gang members in the room “can be your new family. One you actually have things in common with. And you know, after I get Mar’s money and you and I get to know each other more, hell, maybe we can get married for real one day. I’m way better than Gyro and you know it.” 

Gloria shook her head and backed further away from Heidi. She suddenly had this spark of bravery. “No, I am never going to leave with you or your gang! Even if you do successfully take me out of Tampa, I will not stop trying to get away from you! I will fight the entire time, making your life an endless hell until you decide to let me go!” Her voice was raised with each passing sentence, getting to the point where she was almost screaming.

That earned a frown from Heidi. A genuine one. But it only lasted so long before her eyes narrowed. “You’ll come around eventually. You both will.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie anxiously paced back and forth in the small room, her arms crossed as she thought deeply. She knew there was only one option in the end. 

She kept pacing as she finally spoke up. “You have to erase my memories, Gyro. There is nothing else we can do.”

Talking in front of T-bag and C-note didn’t matter. They didn’t get involved; even when Ellie was trying to figure out escape plans. The two didn’t really give a shit about anything except blocking the door. That and they were also wearing airpods so they couldn’t hear much of what Ellie was saying anyways. They were both listening to ABBA to help pass the time. Not that it’s important but C-note was listening to Slipping Through My Fingers and T-bag was bopping out to Voulez-Vous.

“Ellie, no, I’m not going to do that…” Gyro scanned the walls, ceiling and floor to try to find any means of escape. All that was there was the main door that T-bag and C-note were blocking and an air vent too high up for anyone to reach. And that’s saying a lot considering that Gyro is as tall as a fucking skyscraper. “There’s gotta be a way out of here…” He trailed off while he got another idea “How good is your acting, Ellie? Perhaps you can just pretend that your memories are gone?”

She cringed “You know I am bad at lying. Besides, she will only give you the equipment if you agree. It will be hard to convince her that you erased my memories successfully if you do not even have the equipment in the first place.” She stopped and looked Gyro dead in the eyes so he knew she was serious. She wasn’t asking anymore, she was demanding. “You need to do it, Gyro. I know she will not hesitate to use Boyd against us if we do not comply. If we do there is a chance she will let you both go.” 

Gyro thought over everything over and over again. Ellie was right. There was no other way in all of them getting out of there alive. He looked over at Boyd before turning his attention back to Ellie. “Alright… I’ll do it.” He gulped “So when Heidi comes back, we’ll let her know that we are willing to cooperate with her. I can only hope that all of this will be over with soon.”

Boyd ran over to give Ellie a hug; he looked up at her with tears in his eyes, shaking his head frantically. “Mom… no.” He whimpered. 

Ellie smiled weakly and hugged him back. “It’ll be alright, Boyd. You’ll still have Gyro.” She knelt down and cupped both of his cheeks with her hands. “And I’ll still be around. I’ll have the joy of getting to meet you all over again.”

“But-”

Whatever Boyd was going to say next was cut off by Scottish screaming from the other side of the door. The door was banging wildly, threatening to break open from its hinges. T-bag and C-note didn’t hear anything. They were still jamming out to ABBA, bobbing their heads wildly. You’d be a fool if you didn’t think that they were dancing queens.

The door flung open. “OI!” You know who it is.

Glomgold tackled both C-note and T-bag in one go, both of which were knocked out quickly. He scuttled around their bodies, sniffing them. Eventually he stood up and grunted.

“Oh… I see…” He scratched his beard. “No goldfish here either.” 

Boyd stepped behind his mom, clinging to her hawaiin dad shorts as he peaked around her. “U-Uncle Glomgold?” His voice was shaking because Glomgold was not to be reckoned with. 

“WOT?!” He spun around and looked the three of them up and down. “Oh. You’re here? Yooh got goldfish?” 

They all shook their heads.

“Well, I’ll be going now.” 

“Wait!” Ellie reached her hand out, though she didn’t step forward since Boyd was clinging onto her. “How on earth did you get in here?! Why are you here?!”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS, ROBO-BABEH!”

Gyro made somewhat of a disgusted face. “I can’t believe I’m saying this...but Glomgold, you literally just saved us.” 

Glomgold scratched his butt and looked up at Gyro. “WAIT… I DID?! EW!”

Gyro was now full on disgusted. “Did you see anyone else on the way in here? Specifically ‘Gladis’ or Mark?” 

“I DUNNO!”

“...how do you not know?”

He scratched his butt before farting. He quickly moved on to picking his nose. “MIND YOUR BUSINESS!”

“Okay… well you can leave now.” Gyro shooed him away with his hands.

Glomgold grunted again and got back down on all fours when Ellie called out to him.

“Wait. Uncle Glomgold. We need your help.” 

Gyro shook his head from behind. “Ellie… no. Please don’t do this.” 

He stopped in his tracks, turning his head around like the girl in The Exorcist. It was quite disturbing… He slowly scuttled back, not breaking eye contact with Ellie. “WOTS IN IT FOR ME EH?!” He blinked one eye at a time.

Boyd was now crying behind her, hiding his face from Glomgold. He made children cry frequently.

“If you…” It was hard for her to focus. She was still trying to process how Glomgold’s body was capable of doing such a feat. “If you help us find Mark and Gloria with your… sniffing ‘powers’, as well as help us take down the gang members, we will get you all the goldfish you desire at a local gas station.” 

“ALL THE GOLDFISH I WANT?!” Drool was starting to dip out of his mouth and onto the floor.

She nodded slowly, knowing Mark was going to have to use a lot of his money before her and Gloria robbed another casino. 

He stood up and held his hands out. “I’M IN! BUT FIRST, DO YOOH HAVE ANYTHING THAT HAS THEIR SCENT ON IT?! GIMMIE GIMMIE!”

Ellie slowly and cautiously took off Mark’s cardigan, without breaking eye contact with her Uncle, and handed it over. She stretched out her arm and refused to step forward like she was trying to give something to a literal demon.

Gyro, on the other hand, had to think deeply. Goddamnit. There was no way he had anything on him with Gloria’s ‘scent’.

“Wait…” Boyd stepped out from behind Ellie, cautiously as well. “Aunt Gloria was the one who bought me these pringles earlier.” He gave the can to Ellie so she was the one to give it to Glomgold and not him. Boyd was not approaching that man.

Glomgold sniffed both of the objects, every inch of them, before throwing them on the ground for Boyd and Ellie to pick up.

“LET’S GO, BITCHES!” He fell flat on the floor, butt up, sniffing the ground and leading the way.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Heidi, Mark, Gloria and the three other gang members were now all upstairs, in Margaritaville. Heidi claimed it was a better place to get married rather than in a basement. Not ideal considering she hated Jimmy Buffett, but it was better.

Gloria was tied to a chair. She was considered a ‘guest’ at the wedding. Mark on the other hand was currently being held by Vic, who was reluctant to do so, being the only gang member with morals and all. But his fear for Heidi overruled his morals. 

“Dingles, please tell me you have the marriage documents.”

“Right here, babe!” He held them up, puffing out his chest in pride like he was showing his mom his report card. A report card with straight A’s in AP classes.

She nodded. “Alright. Let’s get this shit over with. Get over here, Mar.” She pointed to the spot across from her and next to Dingles. 

Vic let go of Mark, pushing him forward. “Go on.” 

He stumbled from the push but he reluctantly walked himself in front of Heidi. “You’re a fucking pshyco bitch! I’ll be calling my lawyers about this!” He crossed his arms. If he had to kiss her, he was going to fucking bolt out of there! 

She laughed as if that was a genuine joke. “Like we’d let you keep a phone around if we don’t kill you. Which is getting more unlikely by the moment.” She nudged him playfully. “I’d watch what you say from now on.”

Dingles took out some notecards. “Can I start now? I’ve been practicing all day and I’m pretty hyped! This is going to be my first marriage thingy after being ordained!” He pumped a fist in the air.

Heidi rolled her eyes. “Go ahead, whatever.” She took Mark’s hands and squeezed them.

“Alright alright.” Dingles cleared his throat before reading from the note cards. His words were very robotic and jumbled together as he practically screamed. The words echoed throughout Margaritaville. 

Gloria couldn’t cover her ears so she could only cringe and watch the painful scene go down.

“DEARLY BELOVED, WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY IN THE PRESENCE OF THESE WITNESSES, TO JOIN HEIDI AND MARK IN MAT- wait, what is that word?” Dingles held the note cards closer to his face. “IN MATORINOMY- WAIT- IN MATRIMONY! YEAH! IN MATRIMONY COMMENDED TO BE HONORABLE AMONG ALL; THEREFORE IS NOT TO BE ENTERED LIGHTLY BUT RIVERENTLY- WAIT- REVERENTLY, PASSIONATELY, LOVINGLY, AND SOLEMNLY!”

Dingles clearly had lost his place because he was scanning the card frantically before switching between others. He finally found what he was looking for and cleared his throat again.

“IN THIS- THESE TWO PERSONS PRESENT NOW COME TO BE JOINED!” He skipped the part where the person commencing the wedding is supposed to ask if anybody wants to speak up against the marriage because obviously Gloria and Mark would. He gave Heidi the go ahead to say her vows.

She smirked and squeezed Marks hands tighter as she leaned in. “I, Heidi, take you, Mark, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and the bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Dingles handed Heidi a spider ring. She scoffed at him. “What is this?”

“A ring…”

“We’re talking about this later.” She turned to Mark again and smiled ‘sweetly’ before sliding the cheap-ass, purple spider ring onto his left hand, taking both of his hands into a tight grip again. 

Mark cringed. He tried to yank his hands away from her but she had a death grip on him and every time he tugged away she would only squeeze harder. 

Tina sighed, taking out a gun and pressing it to Mark’s head. “Just continue on and say your fucking vow.” 

Mark tried shooting Tina a nasty look without turning his head. He then directed his attention back to Heidi who was smirking the entire time. “Alright, here’s my vow. I vow to get the hell out of here and divorce your ass as soon as possible! Gold-digging, bitch.” He muttered.

Gloria spoke up again “Heidi, you can still back out of this! Please do the right thing and let me and Mark go! It’s not worth it!”

Heidi’s smirk didn’t waver and she ignored Gloria. She leaned in even closer to Mark. So close he could feel her warm breath. “Ellie may have her memories erased but she’s alive. I can change that.” 

That shut Mark up. He looked over at Dingles and nodded to signal him to continue officiating the wedding. When Dingles started talking again, he turned his attention back to Heidi, continuing to glare at her.

Gloria tried again. “Heidi! Listen to me! Stop the wedding and untie me and maybe we can figure something out!” She tried shaking her wrists out of the restraints but nothing happened.

Heidi sighed “Hold up, Ding.” She continued to ignore Gloria and shot Vic a look. “Gag her, will you?”

Vic only nodded and took off his own bandana. His beloved biker gang one. He was lowkey sad because she was gonna get saliva all over it and he just went to the laundromat yesterday. Gloria struggled and protested but Vic managed to wrap it around her just fine, and tightly. She was still screaming but it was muffled and there was no doubt she would shut up eventually.

Heidi gave Dingles the okay to continue.

He deadpanned before looking over at Mark. “You're supposed to say your vow now…” He whispered to him, like Heidi couldn’t hear. 

Mark was truly backed into a corner now. He hesitantly started saying his vows back.“...I, Mark, take you, Heidi, to be my wife.” He squinted his eyes shut. “I promise to be true to you in good times and the bad, in sickness and in health... I will... love you and honor you until death do us part.”

Dingles handed him a pink spider ring. 

Mark stiffened up.

“Umm… I think you’re supposed to put on the ring now.” Dingles pointed to the spider ring he was holding. 

Heidi held out her left hand for Mark, her ‘sweet’ smile turning into a sickening one. “Go ahead, Mark.” 

Mark grabbed onto her fingers and yanked her hand forward, hoping his grip would cause her pain, as he attached the spider ring onto her finger. As soon as it was on her hand he let her go and crossed his arms. “Fucking sick….” He muttered under his breath.

That only made Heidi’s sickening grin widen. She held her left hand up, clearly not affected by Mark trying to cause her pain, and admired the spider ring that would soon be replaced by a real one. “Aw. How sweet.” She laid her other hand across her chest as she stared lovingly into Mark’s eyes, who was looking at the ground.

“Okay, cool cool.” Dingles nodded his head. “You may kiss the bride, dude.” He nudged Mark again, and Tina proceeded to push the gun against his skull harder, knowing he would speak up against the kiss if he didn’t have another warning. 

Heidi puckered out her lips over dramatically and mockingly, but it was hard to when her smirk was still there. She was so close to having a laughing fit. 

This made Mark’s stomach turn. He knew he had no other choice but to kiss her. He gave her the quickest peck on the lips before yanking his head away from her in utter disgust. He even made the dramatic gesture of wiping his mouth with his arm to further prove his point. “Alright, you got your marriage, now let me go already!”

“Nope!” She took a pen from her pocket, the one she used as a waitress, and handed it to Mark. “You gotta sign the documents, babe.” She poked him in the chest with the pen to click it up before shoving it into his hand.

Dingles took out a clipboard from nowhere, probably from his ass, with official documents on it. He handed it to Mark with a wide grin on his face. “Man! Maybe I can do a more professional wedding ceremony someday! This is just step one! I’m gonna be big!” 

Everyone ignored him. 

“Oh and don’t hesitate or put down a fake name. I know your name isn’t just Mark.” She held up her phone. “All I have to do is click send to T-bag and Ellie is gone.” She stepped away so her phone wasn’t within Mark’s reach, but her thumb remained hovering over the send button. 

He held his hand out in a ‘stop’ gesture. “Alright alright, I get it! I’ll sign your damn document.” He snatched the clipboard away and scribbled his signatures where it needed to be signed. He slammed the clipboard into Dingles chest. He crossed his arms again. “There! Happy?!”

Dingles scanned the documents to make sure he did indeed put down “Markus Beaks”. He nodded to Heidi that the job was done.

She clasped her hands together. “Okay, great! Tina?”

Tina got the message and kicked Mark in the back of the knees, forcing him to the ground. The gun remained pointed at his skull. 

Gloria screamed.

“I’ll make sure to bury you with a real ring so we’re still connected. Even in death, yeah? I’d try to make you feel better by saying you’ll see Ellie on the other side but we all know robots don’t have souls.” Heidi laughed, towering over him. She stepped on his hand, digging her heel into it. “Have any last words?”

Mark looked up at Heidi, still holding a glare on his face. “Hey! You said that Ellie would only have her memories wiped! You can’t go back on that! Fucking bitch!”

Heidi chuckled at his last words. “Those are your last words? God, you never were very smart…I guess it was a good thing you were cute. Guess it doesn’t matter anymore.” She signaled Tina to pull the trigger.

There was a loud bang that erupted throughout the room.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	31. The End Of Heidi

There was a loud bang that erupted throughout the room, Gloria letting out a blood curdling scream.

The sound of the doors slamming caused Tina to jump and drop the gun. Everyone in the room turned in unison to see who had entered at the best time possible. Well, best time for Mark and Gloria.

“OI! THE GLOMSQUAD IS HERE, BITCHES!!!!” Glomgold pumped his fists in the air and his belly jiggled from the force. Ellie, Gyro, and Boyd just kinda stood there from behind. For one, they had to analyze in the situation, and two, it was always hard to think after Glomgold yelled. 

At the moment, everyone just stared at each other, no one moving, and Glomgold blinked one eye at a time as he picked his nose. 

This went on for a while. Just an awkward staring contest. It got to a point where it was too awkward to speak up. Dingles coughed into his fist. 

Once Glomgold had eaten enough boogers, he eventually made a move. “So, uhhhh, wot’s going on?” 

His voice echoed throughout Margaritaville. 

Crickets began chirping out of nowhere to add to the silent aesthetic. 

“Are we supposed to fight?” Glomgold went back to picking his boogers. He literally had no idea what was going on. For all he knew, he was supposed to find Mark and Gloria and he did. So now he just had to wait for his goldfish award. 

Heidi looked between everyone before keeping her focus on the Glomsquad. “What the hell do you whores think you’re doing?” 

Glomgold shrugged. “I dunno… stopping you I guess.” 

“Oh shit, really?” Dingles put away his notecards just in case he had to throw some hands soon. 

“Yee.”

“Alright.”

“OKAY! ENOUGH!” Thank god for Gyro. He stepped the fuck up because no one else was going to. “LET THEM GO HEIDI OR YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE GLOMSQUAD!” 

God. Gloria wanted to retort so badly because of how stupid that was, but she couldn’t. All she could do was internally cringe. Oh wait. He was alive! Cool! The cringe subsided for a moment so she could appreciate his existence and his safety before it came back. 

Heidi smirked. “The Glomsquad? What? Do you four think you’re a bunch of superheroes or some shit?”

Boyd nodded from behind Ellie. “I think so?” 

“Oh my god. I don’t have time for this. Tina, Vic, Dingles. Take care of them.” 

The crickets stopped chirping and pulled out some popcorn. An epic fight was going down and they were all in. Some of them started making bets and everything. 

Dingles was the first to roar, charging at the four of them. Vic and Tina followed from behind. And damn, they looked terrifying. Like a bunch of charging bulls with badass tattoos. 

“Glomgold…” Ellie whispered.

“WOT THE FUCK YOOH WANT, ROBO-BABEH?!”

“Those three have goldfish on them.” 

“WOT?!” He started to drool again while charging at them with more speed than you might think Glomgold would have. “GIMMIE, BITCHESSSS!” He was on all fours before jumping on Dingles’ face, knocking him over. Dingles let out a horrified scream as Vic and Tina stopped in their tracks. They had no idea if they were supposed to help or not.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING? FIGHT THEM!” Heidi demanded.

Glomgold’s scottish screaming blocked out her voice. When he realized Dingles had no goldfish, he knocked him out before jumping to Tina and Vic to do the same. 

He stood on top of Vic’s body before twisty his head in a 180 fashion like he had done earlier. “YOOH! YOOH LIED TO MEH!” He pointed an accusing finger at Ellie. 

She sighed. “Uncle Glomgold. I promise we will buy you all the goldfish in the world after this. Just wait a bit longer, okay?”

“WOT?!”

The two began to argue as Mark and Gyro watched dumbfounded. Not only was the fight super anti-climatic, but they were acting like nothing happened at all. It was just another casual Tuesday. And for the Glomsquad, it really was.

When that was going down, Boyd ran over to Gloria, ungagging her and untying her restraints. “Are you okay, Aunt Gloria?!” 

“Yeah I’m okay. Thanks, Boyd!” She smiled and gave Boyd a hug before picking him up and carrying him back towards the others and further away from Heidi.

“Ummmmmm, HELLO?!” Heidi tried to get everyone’s attention but no one was really paying any attention to her. The Glomsquad figured that the biggest threat was done with and they can just wrap everything up and go eat some sandwiches.”HELLO?!” 

“SO CAN I GET MEH SOME GOLDFISH!”

“SHUT UP, GLOMGOLD!” 

“I SHUT UP? YOOH SHUT UP, DR. FUCKFACE!”

A loud bang erupted throughout the restaurant and everyone stopped, turning back to look at Heidi. She had shot a warning shot at the ceiling before pointing the barrel back at Mark. Her heel was still digging into his hand and he was stuck at the ground, horrified and nearly shitting himself. Oh yeah. Mark was there. 

“I HAVE BEEN STANDING HERE FOR A LONG ASS TIME POINTING A GUN TO MAR’S HEAD AND NONE OF YOU DINGBATS EVEN NOTICED! YOU ALL ARE A BUNCH OF MORONS!” She screamed. She was clearly shaking. Shooting Mark was her last chance after her gang members had been taken down so fucking easily. 

“I think I speak for mostly everyone here that we wouldn’t really care if you shot him. He’s kind of a pain.” Gyro spoke up.

Mark gasped and looked at the five of them. “EXCUSE ME?!” 

Just to add something here. Glomgold had left while picking his nose to head back to the motel. He was going to wait in Ellie’s room to demand goldfish when she got back. 

“WAIT, NO!” Ellie stepped forward but stopped when Heidi pressed the gun deeper into Mark’s head. She could see her finger pressing slightly downward onto the trigger. “Heidi, stop. You know you lost so let him go.” 

“I LOST?!” She threw her head back and let out an ungodly laugh. It was ugly and unnatural sounding. She wiped a fake tear from her eye before looking back to scowl at Ellie. “You’re kidding. I won! I married Mar, got all of his money, and now his life…” She looked over to Gloria. “But I’ll spare him if you come with me Gloria. This time I promise.” She held out her pointer finger before crossing her heart. Her smile had faded and she now looked desperate.

Gloria stepped forward towards Heidi. “Hell no! God, you’re so deceitful, Heidi! You lied about Ellie having her memories erased and Gyro and Boyd being dead just to fuck with me and create a sorry excuse for a way to get me to leave with you!” She continued “But you know what I think? I think you didn’t have the balls to hurt them. You’re all talk and even now, when everyone is watching, you won’t kill Mark.” Gloria was calling her bluff again and she was really hoping that she made the right move pulling that card so soon. She believed that if Heidi was serious about killing him, she would’ve done so already. “You got what you wanted. You married Mark and inherited his money, so I don’t understand what you’re still doing here! What more could you possibly want?!”

The environment tightened and Heidi lowered the gun, shaking even more uncontrollably. Her eyes teared up her face contorted into something so unnatural that Gloria couldn’t even tell what she was feeling. 

Heidi lifted the gun again but this time it was aimed at Ellie. No one had time to think anything before the gun went off, the bullet going clean through Ellie’s abdomen. It wasn’t enough to kill her, but it was enough for her to go into a moment of silent shock before slowly going onto her knees and clutching the wound that started to convulse with pain, shooting it throughout her body. 

Boyd was the first to scream before falling to his mother’s side, grabbing onto her. She didn’t say anything, she only shook and stared at the ground. 

No one else could manage to say anything, they were both stunned and too afraid to move, fearing the gun would be aimed at them next. 

Heidi turned the gun to a crying Boyd next; but it was aimed at his head. 

Tears had started streaming down her cheeks as she turned back to Gloria. “I didn’t get everything I want, Glo. I didn’t get you. I want you.” 

Gloria also started to cry as she went in front of Boyd as a barrier. She held up her shaking hands to show that she was surrendering. “Okay y-you made your point! If you want me, fine, you have me, alright?! Just please drop the gun, Heidi!”

Heidi stared at Gloria for a minute, staring into her eyes to check if she was telling the truth. She dropped the gun and forcefully slid it across the floor away from them. Heidi immediately grabbed Gloria’s wrist and yanked her closer. “We are leaving! NOW!”

“LET GO OF HER HEIDI!” Gyro stepped forward, holding out a hand as a stop signal. But he didn’t get too close. She may have dropped the gun but Heidi was still very unstable. “Forcing her to come with you won’t get you what you want. You could’ve had her as a friend but you already dug yourself a grave and you know it. It’s too late for you to do anything. All you’ll be doing is holding her hostage and making her miserable so let her go. I don’t think this is who you truly are as a person.” 

Heidi squeezed Gloria’s wrist tighter, digging her nails into Gloria’s skin. Gloria winced but she didn’t pull away. 

“YOU DON’T KNOW ME, GYRO FUCKING GEARLOOSE! NO ONE DOES!” She spat. She tightened her grip on Gloria again, cutting the circulation off at this point. “NOT EVEN MY OWN PALS KNOW ME!”

Mark slowly began to crawl across the room; taking extra precaution to not drive Heidi’s attention toward him. 

“SO DON’T YOU IMPLY YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHO I AM OR WHO YOU THINK I COULD BE BECAUSE YOU DON’T! AND AS FOR HOLDING GLORIA HOSTAGE, I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT SHE THINKS OF ME ANYMORE! I JUST WANT TO BE WITH HER BECAUSE SHE WILL COME AROUND EVENTUALLY! I KNOW SHE WILL! SHE MANAGED TO COME AROUND FOR YOU ALL, DIDN’T SHE?! AND ALL OF YOU ARE A BUNCH OF STUCK UP PRICKS WHO THINK THEY CAN SUDDENLY BECOME HEROES EVEN THOUGH NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY MORALS! I MAY NOT KNOW A LOT ABOUT YOU ALL BUT I KNOW THERE ARE THINGS IN YOUR PAST YOU HIDE! NONE OF YOU ARE BETTER THAN I AM SO DON’T ACT ALL HIGH AND MIGHTY!” 

Mark slowly gripped the gun, pointing it toward Heidi. He picked himself up off the ground while keeping the gun directed at her. “YOOOOOO GUESS WHO’S GOT THE GUN NOW, BITCH!” 

Heidi’s eyes widened as she let go of Gloria’s wrist, holding her hands up towards Mark. Gloria quickly scrambled back to where Gyro, Boyd, and Ellie were in the room, using Gyro’s body to add extra distance between her and Heidi. The guy was really fucking tall so it was easy to hide behind him.

Mark smirked, being a little too cocky with the gun while also striking a pose that he saw in a John Wick movie.

Heidi fell onto the floor with more tears streaming down her face. Mark kept stepping closer towards her which made Heidi scoot further away from him while not breaking eye contact. “Wait… Mar, please! H-hang on a minute!” 

“YOU FUCKING SHOT ELLIE! YOU DON’T DESERVE ANOTHER MINUTE!” He placed his foot on top of her stomach similar to what she did earlier to him so she would quit squirming away.

It didn’t work at first. She kept squirming and writhing on the floor until she gave out and turned to heaving heavily. Mark’s face was blurry; she was too afraid to make that large of a movement to wipe away her tears. 

“IT’S NOT FAIR!” Heidi hit the tile floor with the side of her fist as hard as she could. It didn’t make much of a sound and it only resulted in pain shooting up her arm. She cringed inward as best as she could with Mark’s foot pressing into her chest and she shut her eyes. “IT’S NOT FAIR! I JUST WANT WHAT YOU ALL HAVE! BUT NOOOOO!” A laugh left her, but it was pained. “THE PEOPLE WHO GET WHAT I WANT IS SOME FUCKING CELEBRITY, A STUPID ASS SCIENTIST, DUMBASS ROBOTS AND A GIRL WHO DESPISES ME NOW! IT’S NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT FAIR!”

She kept repeating that for a while. Slowly it got to a point where she was barely understandable through all the sobbing. “INSTEAD, I’M STUCK WITH SOME STUPID GANG WHO USE ME TO HELP SELL DRUGS AND ARE WAITING TO THROW ME OUT AT ANY SECOND! IF IT WASN’T FOR THE FACT I PAID THEM WITH ALL THE MONEY I HAD LEFT, THEY WOULD’VE KILLED ME INSTEAD OF HELPING ME OUT! BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW THAT!” This time around her laugh sounded more maniacal while her sobs became louder. “NO ONE LIKES ME OR WANTS TO BE AROUND ME! I’M STUCK IN THIS STUPID TOWN WORKING SHITTY JOBS TO PAY OFF DEBT THAT’LL NEVER GO AWAY WHILE PEOPLE LIKE YOU GET TO TRAVEL AROUND AND DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT AS SOME SORT OF ‘FAMILY’! I HATE ALL OF YOU!” 

That was not the direction any of the Glomsquad were expecting this to go down. Mark blankly stared at her the entire time before finally stepping off of her and backing up to give her space. He wasn’t directing the gun at her anymore but kept it visible just in case she tried anything.

No one was sure on what to say to that. One minute they all hated Heidi but now they were starting to feel sympathy. Gloria stepped forward again from behind Gyro’s back and spoke up. “Heidi…” Her voice softened while she was still trying to find the right words “Why didn’t you just tell us? I know we were still strangers at first but we could’ve helped you.”

“Why didn’t I tell you? Why do you think?! Because I didn’t want any of your FUCKING sympathy! Why the hell would I want some picture perfect assholes to pity me, huh?! I’m tired of being looked at like some lowlife!” Heidi remained on the ground and directed her attention to the ceiling where all the water pipes were exposed. “You want to know why I’m doing this, Glo? My mom told me I would be nothing without a man to support me and I wanted to prove her wrong so I moved down here to this SHIT town thinking it was a good place to escape! That’s fucking rich!” She laid her hands on her stomach as she wheezed. “But you know what? She was right! I can’t do shit by myself! So I started hoeing around, hoping one day I’d meet the right guy, and what happens? I just get fucking USED for sex all the damn time! If I was going to get used, well, I was just going to use people before they used me! And it was going great until you ASSHOLES came along and ruined everything!” 

She eyed Mark specifically before looking back up at the ceiling. “Glo, at the rave the other night, I felt like you were the only person I could have a connection with. You are the person I want to be. I felt like you got me, yeah? And like you didn’t look down on me. But oops! I was wrong about that too! I actually tricked myself into thinking you liked me back and we could be something! My mom was right about me being a fucking idiot too!” Eventually she covered her face with her hands and her voice became more muffled as she continued to sob. It cracked between every other word. “Don’t even bother fucking shooting me because my dingbat pals are going to wake up soon and when they realize I got them beat up I’m the one who’s gonna be paying the price. And it’s not gonna be with money this time around, so go me!” The room went silent as she cheered herself on for a while. It seemed her rant had stopped, though her crying and hiccuping continued. 

While the room was silent again it gave Gloria a chance to check on Ellie. She was alright. In pain, but alright. As soon as they got out of there Mark and Gyro would be able to patch her up easily. Boyd was keeping a close eye on her the entire time.

Gloria turned her attention back to Heidi. She walked forward and knelt down next to her. She gently touched her shoulder so she could know that she was right there. “Heidi, what you’ve done was really fucked up. But I want to help you.” She sighed “I remember being in a situation like yours back when I was living on my own in Vegas. I was scared. I didn’t have any friends or family. I had to fend for myself. No one should have to live like that. It was hell. I hated that life and for the longest time I believed that it was the only life I was ever going to have. You don’t deserve to live like this. No one does. Please, let me help you.” Gloria smiled weakly and held her hand out to her.

“You hate me. Don’t offer to help just because you pity me.” Heidi sniffled and looked away from Gloria, refusing to take her hand. “What are you even gonna do? There’s nothing you can do, Glo. My life is fucked up and it’s not changing.” 

“Well for starters we can get you out of here and away from your gang. I’ll give up my motel room so you can have your own place to stay. As for your ‘friends’, if they try anything we’ll just sick Glomgold on them.” She made a small laugh at her own joke, hoping it would help lighten the mood a bit. “If you truly believe that your life cannot change, then there wouldn’t be any harm in staying with us for a while, would there?”

Heidi chuckled herself. “Thanks, Glo. But I don’t think your family will be okay with that.” She looked over at Gyro specifically, considering he was dating Gloria.

He saw and looked to the side to avoid eye contact with her, but he nodded slowly. “Fine.” He crossed his arms. “What about you, Mark? She’s the one who shot Ellie.” 

It was wrong of Gyro, but he didn’t have the heart to say no in front of Gloria. He was hoping Mark would on his behalf. For once, and once only, Gyro was depending on Mark. 

“OH HELLLLLLL NO!”

“Mark, please. It’s okay.” Ellie whispered while tugging on his sleeve. Mark was now kneeling beside her. “I will be fine. Just let her stay with us.” 

Boyd placed his hand on top of Ellie’s for more comfort. He spoke up as well. “Everyone deserves a second chance.” If his comment wasn’t already convincing enough, he turned on his puppy eyes to help seal the deal.

“Ughhhhhhh! Fine! Okay! She can stay with us but only on one condition!” Like Gyro, Mark couldn’t say no either. Mark walked over and grabbed the marriage document he just signed and held it up to her. “I get to destroy this, so it would be as if we were never even married. Got it?”

Heidi nodded. “I got it, Mar. I got it.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro sat next to Gloria on the bed in his room. Obviously she was staying with him for the night.

As for Ellie, Gyro haad given Mark the tools he had on hand for repairs.

“That was nice of you… to give her a second chance.” He said. Gyro genuinely admired Gloria for that; he would’ve never done such a thing. “Are you doing okay? Second time being kidnapped by a gang in two weeks.” He tried to laugh but it came out really awkward and really forced.

Gloria laughed awkwardly too “Yeah I’m fine. After a while you tend to lose count about how many times you were kidnapped…” She changed the subject “Is it alright for me to stay here? I know we haven’t quite figured everything out so if I need to stay with Ellie I will.”

“No no, it’s fine. I promise. I, uh, should probably apologize to you. You know. For not hearing you out.” He decided to wait for her to respond to make sure it was okay for him to continue. 

She shook her head “No, Gyro, you don’t need to apologize for anything. It was all my fault. Even if I didn’t mean what I said, the fact that I still said it to begin with was awful. I never meant to drive you away or hurt you.”

“Nah. You were trying to apologize and I just pushed you away like I do everybody else.” He shrugged, knowing that was no new news for Gloria. “And me yelling at you earlier wasn’t ‘cool’ either, I guess.” There was a long pause. “I’m not good at apologies as you know so...yep. But, uh, it’s fine. I get it, Gloria. This whole… situation about staying in one place for a while after living your whole life moving. It’s weird. I’ve only lived in two places in my life. With my parents and Duckburg so I can’t really relate. Wasn’t an excuse for me to be an asshole and not hear you out.” He started playing with the stitched pattern on his collar. He was running out of things to say. “I was a fool for trusting Heidi. There were so many signs and I just looked past them because I was angry. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s alright. I know you probably don’t like her after everything that just happened and what she’s put you through but thank you for being willing to give her another chance. It’s the least a person deserves.” Gloria continued “We didn’t get a chance to talk about this earlier but I was so relieved to see that you and Boyd were alright. She told me that you were dead… and I didn’t know what to do. It was horrifying. You have no idea how happy I was to see that all of you were alright.”

“God. Same goes for you. Honestly I thought we were going to be too late and Heidi already took you on her motorbike to head to Cincinnati or wherever biker gangs go.” He laid his hand on top of hers. “Obviously that wasn’t the case but I still didn’t think I was going to make it out alive. She doesn’t like science as much as I first assumed, but it’s nice to know now that she isn’t capable of hurting anyone, erm, except Ellie.” Gyro meant she wasn’t capable of hurting organic life because she most likely viewed them more as people, but he wasn’t going to say that out loud for obvious reasons. “Anyway. I want you back, Gloria. If you’ll have me. And I understand if you want to move on one day but for now I just want to enjoy us while it lasts.” Duck Jesus, that was cheesy. But can you blame the man? All he watched in his life was rom com anime and documentaries. Dude didn’t know shit about talking to women. 

Gloria smiled and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before responding. “Gyro, I don’t want to ‘move on’. I love the life that I have with you so it looks like you’re going to be stuck with me.” She laughed at her own joke. “And about the marriage thing, if you still want to marry me, that is… If you happen to propose, I’m going to say yes.”

He blushed. Damn. Homeboy wasn’t expecting that. “U-um. Okay. Cool. But I don’t exactly have the money right now so it might be awhile…” He admitted, pretty shamefully at that. But in turn he squeezed her hand tighter. “I know this is super off topic, we can go back to being all mushy gushy in a second if you want, but what's your plan with Heidi in the morning? If you don’t mind me asking.” 

“To be honest I have no idea. Hopefully by tomorrow she will be more willing to talk to us and ask for help. Maybe she has some family and we can help her get to them. It really depends on her. We also have to keep an eye out for her gang members. They know where we are but they don’t know that Heidi is with us. I’m not too nervous though. I mean, holy shit did you see how quickly Glomgold knocked them out?!”

Gyro laughed. But it was a bit sounded somewhat irritated. Thinking about the fact Glomgold was the one to save them was insane. “Ellie promised him goldfish. That’s the only reason he helped but you probably would’ve guessed that. Mark’s bank account will be hurting so I guess it was worth dealing with Glomgold for an hour. But, yeah, like you said. We don’t have to worry about the gang. We’re hopefully leaving town soon and I’m sure Heidi will be too. It’s best to forget about them and leave them to rot in Tampa.” He let go of Gloria’s hand and stretched, letting out a much needed yawn. “I don’t know about you but I’m beat. I’m going to hit the hay if you want to join.” 

Gloria yawned as well and got up from his bed. “Sure, I’ll be there in just a minute. I’m going to check on Ellie and see if she’s doing alright.”

Gyro nodded and watched her leave the room.

Gloria was about to knock on Ellie and Mark’s door but she was cut off by Mark’s muffled screaming.

“WHAT?! IT’S JUNE AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME?! HOLY SHIT I’M GAY NOW!”

Gloria really didn’t want to get into… whatever the hell Mark was screaming about so she just turned around and went back to Gyro’s room to go to bed. Knowing Mark, he was going to talk their ear off about it in the morning anyways.


	32. Farewell Tampa

“What do you mean you are a homosexual now?” Ellie stopped brushing her hair mid comb and turned around to look at Mark. Thankfully Boyd was still asleep and was spared from this very strange morning conversation. “Are you implying that you want to put my data in a male body?”

The look she gave him said ‘I cannot believe I am programmed to love you because I would’ve left your dumbass ions ago’. Yep. All of that was said in one look. But you could dumb it down to a look of disgust. 

Mark opened up the calendar app on his phone and showed Ellie how it’s June, Pride Month. “Okayyyyy so like, because it’s June, the entire rest of the month I have to be gay. So that means all of my photos, merch, profile icons, you name it, all have to be switched to rainbows!” Mark was changing his twitter icon to a picture of him with a rainbow background behind him as he spoke. He continued “And I was a few days late so I’m going to have to be SUPER gay to make up for lost time! Oh, and sorry but I can’t post any photos of you and me until July? Cool? Cool.”

“I do not understand. You are going to lie to the public about your sexuality to gain traffic on your social media? Is that what you are getting at? That is very disrespectful to the people of that community.” She turned away from him and started brushing her hair again. “I advise against doing as such but do as you wish. I will wait patiently until it backfires.”

During all of this, Glomgold was nibbling on his 10th packet of goldfish. Mark was forced to leave to go to a gas station with him at 1 am due to his constant whining for his “reward”.

“OI!” Glomgold scrambled out from underneath the bed on all fours; a trail of goldfish being left behind him. “CAN I BE YOUR BOYFRIEND?!” 

Mark looked over at him in disgust. “Ummmmm NO!” He finished changing all of his profile pictures and bios to represent pride month before looking back up at Ellie “Dude, this won’t backfire on me! I do this shit every year and every year it’s nothing but a huge success and marketing ploy from the LGBT peeps who want dope Waddle tote bags with their pride flag stamped on it!” He shut his phone off and started to rummage through his Jimmy Buffet shirts (the only shirts he had at the moment) before looking up at Ellie yet again with his dumbass self. “Yoooo also, could you find me a pair of scissors? I need to make crop tops.”

Ellie sighed, knowing damn well it was going to backfire, before digging through her purse to pull out scissors. Yep, she always had those on her too, along with the pens. She figured it would be best to always keep a pair rather than resort to a broken mirror when someone needed to be stabbed. And yes, the scissors were from a Jimmy Buffett gift shop so the handles were nothing but palm trees and parrots. 

“Make sure to return them just in case I must stab someone.” She said while handing it over. 

Mark did some type of excited, girly giggle as he yanked them away, immediately going to work on his soon to be crop tops. 

Stepping over Glomgold who was now licking his ass on the floor, Ellie headed over to where Boyd was to wake him up for breakfast. As she gently shook him, someone knocked on the door. Ellie ignored it which was a silent command for Mark to get it. It was either Gyro or Gloria seeing if they were ready to head out. 

Mark successfully cut one of his shirts into a crop top and put it on to replace the older, more hetero, shirt he was wearing. After admiring himself in the mirror and taking a selfie, he heard the door knock again. He huffed and answered the door. His eyes widened when he saw that it was Heidi. Mark was still not the biggest fan of Heidi and the fact that she was right in front of him again made the red flags in his head go up. “Ummmmm, hi?”

“Hey, Mar.” Her smile was a bit unwieldy and she didn’t make eye contact with him until after she spoke. “Sorry to bother you so early but I just wanted to apologize for, uh, literally everything. That wasn’t cool of me, I guess.” 

“Oh…. Umm, yeah yeah It’s cool.” Mark awkwardly stood there as well, not sure what else to do. After a painfully long minute of silence he spoke up again “Is there anything else you wanna say or…” He trailed off. All he really wanted to do right now was to finish cutting up his shirts into crop tops and talk about how great being gay was on Twitter.

“Um…” There was more Heidi should say but it was hard to come up with something. She took a moment to think but it was best for her to just start speaking to avoid awkward silence, even if she had no idea where she was going with it. “No, it’s not cool. I’ve done a lot of fucked up shit and that was definitely the worst. I swear to you I’ve never kidnapped anyone before, or shot anyone, or killed anyone… until yesterday.” She did a ‘stop’ motion so he wouldn’t respond yet. “I didn’t kill anyone yesterday either! But, yeah, you know what I mean. This is no excuse, Mar, but being forced to be in a gang to make ends meet kinda changed me as a person until the point all of this happened. I know T-bag and the gang seemed nice and like they were friends of mine, but it was just an act dude. Like everything else. They did a lot of stuff to me that I eventually did to you guys to just let it out I guess? And also because I was so desperate to get out of there and prove my ma wrong. She was right about me anyway but whatever...” Heidi still had no idea where she was going with this. “I know you’re rich so you don’t get it, but being broke and how the real world functions when you have nothing is a whole other ball game that I was not prepared for. I don’t know what else to say dude. I guess seeing all you guys happy and having what I wanted was an extra push that just sent me over because of how unstable I was, er, am. I’m not expecting you to forgive me. Or anyone to forgive me. But I really am sorry, Mar.” 

Mark stood there and processed everything Heidi said. “Okay, yeah what you did was pretty shitty but it’s over with now. So we can just move on from it already, right? At this point, as long as you legit cancelled out our marriage, I don’t see any more issues.” He shrugged before changing the subject. “Yo, hey, before you leave,” Mark pulled out his phone again “are you gay or whatever? It would boost my follower count if I have pictures of me with LGBT homies. Oh, bonus points if you have rainbow swag gear to help prove that you’re gay or whatever. If you’re not then ummmm… please leave. I can’t be around any heteros for a solid month.”

“Um…” That wasn’t the response Heidi was expecting. She was too caught up in her apology to remember how fucking stupid Mark was so it surprised her much more than it should have. “That’s a personal question. But, uh, yeah. I hope we can just move on because you guys are pretty cool.” She still didn’t like Mark, but yet again, who did? Other than Ellie. “Tell Ellie I’m sorry for shooting her and… whatever, yeah?” 

Heidi didn’t bother to hear a response and left to head back to her motel room until Gloria came over or until she worked up the guts to just ditch. Whichever came first. 

Mark closed the door and went back to cutting his shirts. “That was Heidi at the door. She says sorry for like, everything she did. Also I guess she’s straight so that’s… something. God… straight people…”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The Glomgsquad met up with Heidi at the First Watch breakfast restaurant that was close by. They all knew that their time there was going to be an awkward one, but they also knew that Heidi needed a chance to apologize to everyone for her actions. This was her chance to sit down with all of them and properly explain herself in a more calm environment. Glomgold wasn’t there. He didn’t want to go. And why would he? He had his one true love: Goldfish. There was no point in dragging him along to a restaurant when he was just going to complain about the lack of goldfish and bite another waitress.

Everyone was still getting themselves gathered; looking at the menu, Ellie fixing Boyd’s hair, etc. But really, everyone was just trying to seem busy to avoid the conversation was soon to be unavoidable.

Heidi sat beside Gloria, much to both of their discomfort. But Heidi did so on purpose. Gloria was the one who deserved the apology the most out of everyone. 

It took some courage, but Heidi eventually tapped Gloria on the shoulder when she was still looking at the menu. “Hey, Glo. Do you mind if I speak to you for a quick sec? We don’t have to go anywhere, I just want to apologize to you separately instead of, well, in front of everyone…” Heidi nudged her head toward the table to show what she was getting at. Mark was taking ‘gay’ selfies, Ellie had moved on from fixing Boyd’s hair to stuffing all the knives into her purse, and Gyro was coloring on the kids menu with Boyd, chatting up a storm with him. 

“Yeah, of course.” Gloria said in a surprisingly chill tone. Yes she was still a bit uncomfortable around Heidi but she kept telling herself that she shouldn’t worry. She believed that Heidi was genuine in her apology and even if she tried something shady again, Gloria was surrounded by her family to help stop her before she would even have the chance. Ellie was stuffing knives into her purse after all. They were going to be used for murder at some point.

“Cool cool.” Heidi’s smile was frail and she began to walk on eggshells through her speech. “I already went on an entire rant to Mar this morning so I don’t want to repeat myself exactly, but I really am so sorry, Glo. There are no excuses for what I did, at all, and there never will be. But someone’s past changes who they are, yeah? I guess you could say that’s what happened to me. You all just happened to pop up during the worst stage of my life and got caught in the ‘fire’ whatever the fuck you wanna say. I think now that I got pulled away from my gang, hopefully, I might be able to start over and do something else with my life. Make something of myself instead of being a deadbeat like my asswipe of a ma.” She looked down at her lap. “I do really like you, Glo. And I know it’ll never happen and I’m sorry I tried to make it happen. I just dragged you into my shit storm of a life.” 

Gloria smiled back “Aw, Heidi, that’s so great to hear that you’re wanting to create a fresh start for yourself!” She continued “Look, I know you will probably refuse it, but after breakfast Ellie and I are going to give you some of the money that we earned from selling all of the drugs at the rave.”

Heidi had her mouth open like she was about to speak up in protest but Gloria quickly shut that down.

“We want you to have it. Ellie and I already agreed to it so don’t even bother saying that you can’t accept it!”

Heidi settled on shaking her head in disbelief, as well as due to pure confusion. “Why? I was horrible to you all. For all you know, I’m just lying again. If I were you, I’d just let my gang get me. I just wanted to apologize before that happens.”

“True. You could very much be lying to all of us again, but I don’t think you are. I will just speak for everyone when I say that you are a good person, Heidi. You just made a few bumps along the way but really, who hasn’t?” Granted, her bumps included attempted murder and kidnapping but who cares. They are bumps nonetheless. 

“Thanks… well I guess after breakfast I’ll be off. Probably just take my ‘cycle and hit the road to head to God knows where.” She sighed and continued to look away from Gloria, just sort of staring in space if you will. “I probably won’t see any of you again and it’s better for you all if it stays that way. I really hope you have a good life with Gyro, Glo. You guys are cute together. I’m sorry I tried to take that away from you. I just knew I would have to let you go and I didn’t want to, ya know?” She laughed. “I need a lot of mental help.” 

Gloria looked over at Gyro who was still laughing and talking with Boyd before staring down at the table. She knew that apology was bound to come up sooner or later. “It’s alright, Heidi. I forgive you and I’m sure Gyro does as well, though he probably just won’t show it. We are doing much better than we were when we first came to Tampa.” She thought that it was pretty ironic and instead of cracking a joke and opening the wound again, she changed the subject “I hope you’re able to leave this place safely and find what you’re looking for. And who knows, maybe someday when you’re in a better place we can all meet up again. I would love to see you around sometime and hear about how great your new life is.”

Gloria slid over both her and Ellie’s money to Heidi to further prove she believed Heidi could truly start over. It was 600k and although Heidi’s previous purpose was to remain supported by someone else and rich beyond belief, the money would allow for safe travels, a home, and even college if she chose to do so. 

Heidi gulped, looking between the money and Gloria. Her hand slowly moved over to the stack before shoving it quickly into her bag as if she were smuggling drugs. “Listen… my gang is already looking for me and you guys so you need to get out of here soon. Jimmy will be able to get you a ride so speak with him after breakfast. And as for me…” Her eyes quickly scanned everyone at the table. “I already apologized to you and Mark so I’m sure you can pass on the message. I just… it’s not right for me to stay here.” She quickly stood up. “I know everyone else is expecting to hear an apology directly from me… but I just can’t. Goodbye, Glo. I promise my gang won’t find me. And I assume you promise the same.” 

And as soon as she said goodbye, she waved and started toward the exit of the restaurant, she turned around one last time. “You have my number, ya?” She didn’t wait for an answer before she left the building, the bell above the door ringing as it opened and closed lightly. 

Gloria watched Heidi leave as she slumped back in her chair and sighed. She spoke up so everyone would notice that she was talking to the whole group. “Okay, so Heidi just left. She took the money we gave her and she’s already planning on leaving as soon as she can to another place. She wanted me to tell all of you that she was sorry for what she did.” She continued “As for us, she mentioned how we should talk to Jimmy about a way out of here.”

Gyro put down the red crayon he was using to ‘let’ Boyd beat him in tic tac toe. “Thank god. I’ve had enough of Tampa. Scratch that. Florida in general. We’re leaving and never coming back.” 

“Will Mr. Buffett be willing to give us a mode of transportation that easily?” Ellie asked. “We have not spoken to him since he ever so kindly gave us motel rooms that are themed around himself.” If you’re wondering, Ellie did not appreciate the motel rooms. There was a portrait of Jimmy above their beds and it appeared in her nightmares. 

“This is Jimmy fucking Buffett we’re talking about. I’m sure if we ask for a car, he’ll give us one.” However, Gloria was willing to bet the rest of her drug dealing money that his car radiated some vibe of Florida. There is no escaping the clutches of Florida’s wrath.

“Wait so….” Mark paused his Mario Kart game for a second. “Are we just going on some stupid cross country road trip together?” 

“We could just leave you here.”

He scoffed. “That would be discrimination against the gays sooooo…”

“Against the WHO NOW?!”

Ellie put her hand up to grab Gloria’s attention. “Please do not question it.” 

He scoffed again “Umm alright clearly y’all didn’t check my accounts today. Whatever I’ll just show you now.” Mark held up his phone to show Gloria, Gyro, and Boyd the rainbow everything this guy was currently rocking “Ba-BOOM! So yeah I’m gay now. It’s a pretty difficult life but I will manage because I am a strong and brave gay man!” 

Boyd looked at his ‘father’. “Wait… so are you not with mom anymore?” 

“Of course I am! Duh! I’m only going to be gay for a few more weeks until Pride Month is over. As soon as it’s July 1st, I’ll stop being gay. Simple!”

Gyro thought he was used to Mark by now but he sure as hell wasn’t. “...What?”

Ellie interrupted Mark before he was going to answer; if he was that is. “We did not speak of this this morning but are you telling me you are going to have no romantic relation to me all month?!” 

That was exactly Gyro’s question. 

Mark shrugged “Yeah probably.” He turned his attention back to Gyro “Since you’re the only guy here besides Glomgold, you’re going to have to be my boyfriend for the rest of the month. Cool? Cool. Okay Boyfriend selfieeeeeee!” Mark took a quick selfie of both him and Gyro using a gay pride filter and started to type up a caption about how much they were in love.

“EXCUSE ME?! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” Gyro attempted to snag the phone away from Mark across the table, but Mark simply scooted back and continued typing. “I AM NOT DATING YOU AND NEVER WILL! JUST PHOTOSHOP YOURSELF WITH SOMEONE OR TAKE PICTURES WITH JIMMY BUFFETT! I SWEAR TO DUCK JESUS!” 

Mark laughed and posted the picture on Instagram. “Awwwww! You’re so cute when you’re mad! God, we are such couple goals!” 

Ellie started crying. “You’re cheating on me right in front of me?!” This situation was completely serious for all she knew. Homegirl took everything way too seriously. 

Mark groaned, feeling like he already explained it well enough the first time. “Nooooooo, Ellie! I’m doing this for pride month! We’re still endgame, girl, but I need the online gays to think that I’m one of them so they can buy my sweet pride merch!”

At a certain point, Boyd just knew when to tune Mark out. He continued to draw on his menu, pretending that he wasn’t listening to anything that was going on. 

Gloria shook her head. “Mark, just when I think you couldn’t hit any lower, you pull shit like that. Do you realize how fucked up that is?!... cool crop top, though. Could you do the same to my Jimmy Buffett shirts?”

Mark was still typing away on his phone and shrugged “Sure, why not.” He scooted closer to Gyro and put an arm around him “Okay the first one was blurry. Take another pride picture with me, kay?” Mark held up his phone so the camera was getting his best side while he was still flipping through pride filters.

“GOD! SCREW OFF!” Gyro shoved Mark off of him, shoving him to the ground. 

Boyd noticed and held back a laugh. He felt terrible for thinking his dad deserved the push but he did. We all know it.

Gyro slammed his hands on the table and pushed himself up. “Screw breakfast! We can pick up fast food or something! We’re finding Jimmy and hitting the road! NOW!” He grabbed his man purse and started for the door. “AND I AM NOT SITTING NEXT TO MARK IN THE CAR!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“So….” Jimmy stopped strumming his guitar for a second. He was a bit offended that the Glomsquad interrupted his 6th time playing Margaritaville that day. “You all don’t have a credit card so you can’t buy a car and therefore you want me to give you one?” 

“Yee pretty much, dude! I would’ve hooked us up with a sweet ass ride but none of the car dealerships here accept BeaksCoins! So annoying…”

Everyone, but Mark because he’s stupid, assumed Jimmy was going to flatout say ‘no’ but his face lit up instead.

“SWEET! YOU CAN PICK FROM MY COLLECTION!” Jimmy pulled out his tropical themed flip phone and started scrolling through the photos. The squad gathered around him.

“Okay, this is Sadie.” He pointed to an old hippie van. It had his face graffitied on the side along with a jungle and parrots holding margaritas. “She has a good 120,000 miles on her already and might break down soon, but boy oh boy is she comfy!” 

He clicked to show the next photo. “And this is Ginger!” It was a rusted pickup truck. A lot of the paint had peeled but you could still tell it had Jimmy playing a guitar while flying on the back of a giant parrot on it. “The inside is small, but there are seat belts on old storage containers in the trunk area. Plus you’ll get a nice breeze! Old girl has 130,000 miles on her and will most likely break down soon too…”

He clicked on the third and final photo. “And this is Jessica!” It was a large green jeep. And yes, it had graffiti on it too. Not only did it had Jimmy’s signature, but also gators chilling on a beach with margaritas and sunglasses. “There is plenty of room for all of you in her! She’s a large gal and she misses the feeling of people riding her. She only had 70,000 miles but her gas mileage is terrible and her engine has gone out a few times already.” 

Everyone stayed silent and stared.

“Anyway! Which one y’all want?” 

“That’s it? Don’t you have anything that’s solar powered?” Mark crossed his arms at all of the ugly vehicles he just looked at.

Jimmy laughed wholeheartedly like Mark had made the joke of the century. “This is Florida! You think we care about the environment?!” 

“Solar powered cars are good for the environment? I just thought they looked cool.”

Ellie, who had stopped crying by now, was about to give Mark a lecture on solar power but decided not to. She politely grabbed Jimmy’s phone to analyze the photos. “Hmm… Sadie will do.” She handed the phone back before looking back to everyone. “Not only does she have the most room, but she also is most likely out of the three to survive a long cross country trip. Though the success rate is still low.”

Boyd nodded in agreement. “There is only about a 35% percent chance we can make it to Duckburg without breaking down but the other vehicles have less than a 10% chance.” 

Yeah. They could both tell just by looking at the photos. 

Gyro put a hand to his chest and smiled “Well I don’t mean to brag or anything but if it does break down I’m sure I have the ability to fix it easily.”

“HAHAAAAAAA!” Mark wheezed and had to lean on the desk to catch himself. “YOU?! FIXING A CAR WITH YOUR TWINK ASS?! GOD! THAT’S THE BEST LIE I’VE HEARD YOU TELL, BAE!” 

“I CAN TOO FIX CARS AND DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING CALL ME BAE AGAIN!” 

“Whatevs, bae.” Mark took a sneaky photo of Gyro from a saucy angle before turning to Jimmy. “Yo, Jimboe, we’ll take Sadie or whatever. Even though she’s disgusting.” He held out his hand. “Gimme keys.” 

Jimmy shrugged and took the keys out from his pocket. He always had all three on hand. “Here you go, pal! Treat her well. Old girl has been through a lot. But I’m sure she’ll be happy to know she’s going on another adventure.”

“I’ll tell her!” Boyd offered, excitedly. 

Jimmy nodded. “Thanks, kid.” He turned to the rest of the Glomsquad. “You all be safe on those roads, ya here? And if you ever need old Jimmy, you know where to find me.” 

“Jimmy you’ve been the best character we’ve come across! You’re fucking amazing and I hope to sell drugs to you again soon!” Gloria gave him a quick hug before handing him a sharpie. “Could you sign my shirt again? I lost the old one.”

“Only if you keep it on.” 

Gloria was just about to lift her shirt up too.“Deal!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro slammed the door of the hippie van shut and had to manually roll down the window. “Gloria. You’re sitting in the front with me. There’s no way Mark is.” He could’ve said that before getting in the van but whatever.

Before Gloria could respond, Mark was walking towards the van himself “SHOTGUN!!!”

Gloria quickly ran around the van and hopped into the passenger seat and locked the door to claim shotgun.

When Mark finally reached the door he banged on the window. “Yo, not cool! I called shotgun! I have to sit next to Gyro so we can take cute travel aesthetic photos together!” 

Ellie hopped into the vehicle after helping Boyd buckling up. “Well, it would not be so terrible to sit next to me, would it?” She crossed her arms. 

Mark climbed into the back of the van and sat next to Ellie. “You heteros ruin all the fun…”

“Can we go before my Uncle shows up?” Boyd asked quietly. He was more afraid than anyone to go on a road trip with Glomgold. 

Ellie, who had ignored Mark, nodded. “We should indeed get a move on. If we cannot kill him, we may as well attempt to ditch him again.” 

“I couldn’t agree more!” Gyro had to turn the key a few times for the old van to start. It sputtered smoke out from the back, all cliche like, before they were all able to drive off. He really didn’t know where he was driving as long as it was north. The sooner out of Florida, the better.

“Aunt Gloria? Can you put on some music?” Boyd attempted to tap her shoulder as well but his seat belt was too tight to do so. 

“Sure!” Gloria started to rummage around the van to look for any cds that Jimmy might’ve left for them. After a good minute of searching she found a single cd without anything written on the cover. She popped it into the cd player to see what it was. Sure enough, it was Jimmy Buffett singing his classic Margaritaville song on loop. Even though Jimmy was no longer with them, they could still hear his sweet voice play through the speakers.

“...nibbling on sponge cake… watching the sun bake…” 

Ellie flinched before looking around frantically. “Did anyone else hear that?” 

“Hear what, mom?”

“On meh front porch swing...smell those shrimp, they’re beginning to boil.” 

She tensed up. “...That…” 

“WASTIN’ AWAY AGAIN IN MARGARITAVILLE! SEARCHING FOR MEH LOST SHAKER OF SALT! OI OI OI!” Glomgold popped up from the back, specifically behind Mark. He leaned in, his hot breath radiating onto Mark’s neck as he whispered the next lyrics. “Some people claim that there’s a woman to blame, but I know… it’s meh own damn fault.” 

“GLOMGOLD?!”

“WOT?!”

Everyone in the van screamed.

“OI!” He screamed in return, jumping over the seat to sit in Mark’s lap. “IS THIS A FAMILEH ROAD TRIP?!”

Ellie shielded Boyd. “How did you get in here?”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS!” He cockroach crawled over Mark’s face and into the back of the van again, disappearing into a pile of Jimmy’s old junk. 

Mark didn’t say anything. He was in too much shock; his face frozen in what looked like permanent fear. 

Ellie laid her hand on top of his. “Mark? Are you alright?” 

Mark wiped his forehead with his free hand to act more dramatic. “Yeah, I think so! God Why is he here?! He’s so annoying!”

Gyro made a sarcastic “ha!” noise. “Funny! I was just thinking the same thing but about you.”

Mark made an evil smirk knowing what he was about to say would piss him off. “Omgggggg babe! We can’t start fighting now! Not during pride month!” It was at this point where Mark was really only doing that to get under Gyro’s skin.

Gyro clutched the wheel tighter in anger. “I fucking hate this road trip already and we haven’t even left Tampa yet!”  
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	33. Floridian Gas Stations

Glomgold hopped out of Sadie, straight into a puddle of gasoline. He grunted in scottish before sniffing the liquid. He nodded and began to drink it like a dog would while the rest of the Glomsquad exited the vehicle. Everyone just agreed nonverbally they would try to leave Glomgold every time they stopped. 

“Alright…” Gyro ‘carefully’ stepped over Glomgold before stretching out. They had only been driving for three hours but none of them ever drove long distances like that. Ever. “You guys can grab snacks and I’ll fill up the tank. Got it?” He was talking to Gloria in particular because Mark was occupied taking LGBT selfies, while Ellie was Boyd were content staying in the car. And Glomgold started to roll around in the puddle but who cares about him. 

“Oh and… pick up a lighter while you’re in there, Gloria.” 

“You’re finally gonna take up smoking? I would start with weed first.”

He scrunched up his face. “No. I mean we can use it to set Glomgold on fire.” He gestured to the man rolling in gasoline. Gyro wasn’t afraid to say that out loud because Glomgold was too dumb to pick up on anything. And even if he wasn’t, it’s not like he would give a shit. “Ellie can have the honors if she wants.” 

“Ohhhhhhhhhh okay yeah that sounds like a better plan than you picking up weed.” She continued “I’m probably gonna steal shit. Probably some ICEEs. You want anything?”

The fact Gloria thought setting a man on fire was better than Gyro picking up weed was something he was going to ignore. He was going to ignore the fact she was going to steal shit, so he gave her a ‘do whatever you want’ wave of his hand before heading over to the pump. 

The pump was grimey and made Gyro cringe inward. It was covered in what looked like old gum and maybe even old, dried up dog feces. Great. He sighed, knowing what he had to do. Gyro Gearloose took off his shirt to use as some sort of napkin while picking up the handle. Could he have asked the others to pick up napkins inside? Yes. But he would rather use his shirt than trust napkins from a Floridian gas station. He’s seen some shit in the past, all related to Florida. People did things with those napkins before putting them back. 

Mark walked around to the other side of the van to see what his “boyfriend” was up to. “Heyyyyyyyyyyy! What are you- oh my god YOU’RE SHIRTLESS! This would be GREAT for twitter!” Mark wrapped his arm around Gyro’s shoulder to hold him in place while he started taking photos of the two of them.

“ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Gyro shoved him away as best as he could with one hand, the other staying on the pump. He kept a close eye on Mark as he turned around to unscrew the gasoline cap on the van. “Why don’t you just go into the gas station with Gloria or something? Florida is enough of a hell without you around.”

Mark didn’t listen to Gyro. Obviously. Instead, he directed his attention to the nearby gas station squeegee. He hiked up the crop top he was wearing and tied it in the front to make it look more like a bikini top. Mark then proceeded to grab the squeegee, taking it out of the small black box that held soapy water. He hopped up on the van’s hood and started to seductively wash the windows. “Gyrooooooooooo! Look at meeeeeeeeee! Aren’t I sexy?!” Mark made sure to also lift his ass up in the air while he cleaned. It should be noted that Mark Beaks has never washed a van ever in his life so it’s not like he was even doing a good job. 

Soap and water was going oh him more than the van itself. But perhaps he was doing that on purpose. 

He couldn’t help it, but a light blush crossed Gyro’s cheeks, especially when everyone else filling up their car turned to stare at the two of them. Including Ellie and Boyd who were watching the entire thing go down. The only people not watching were those inside the gas station and Glomgold who was still rolling around and drinking gasoline. 

“W-what are you doing?!” Gyro covered his cheeks as best as he could with one hand. Throughout all of this, he kept his other hand on the pump. His mind was going a mile a minute. The performance did not please him in the least bit, and the fact it was Mark made it so much worse. But his mind kept imagining Gloria in Mark’s place. “DUCK JESUS! GET OFF OF THE CAR AND GO INSIDE TO BUY CHEETOS OR SOMETHING!” 

“YEAH IN A MINUTE!” Mark turned around and laid on top of the window to take more selfies. These selfies were a bit more seductive. He even went as far as lifting his shirt up. “Boyfriend! Get over here and take some photos of me on top of the car! I need a full body shot!” Mark held his phone up in the air as if he was expecting Gyro to come over and actually take his picture. Ellie and Boyd continued to watch Mark make a fool of himself from the inside of the van. They could hear all of what Gyro and Mark were saying because of how loud they were yelling. Ellie and Boyd had a clear view of Mark’s backside on the front car window which really upset Boyd. Ellie didn’t mind the “show” one bit but she knew that she had to shut it down. She also didn’t appreciate how Mark was doing all of this for Gyro’s attention and not hers. 

She sighed and took Boyd’s hand. “Come along, Boyd. I need to stop your father and then we can go inside to get snacks. Does that sound good to you?”

Boyd nodded. “Sure… but why is dad acting that way in front of Dr. Dad?” 

The fact it was so obvious that even a child noticed the flirtatious air between Gyro and Mark only pissed Ellie off more. 

Boyd followed behind her as she stepped out of the vehicle and approached Mark at the hood of the car. A heavy and disappointed frown was on her face. “I do not care if it is Pride month. You can pretend to be homosexual online but flirting with Gyro is too far.” She snatched his phone away from him and shoved it into her purse. “You do not deserve this. You programmed me to be obsessed with you and it is working because I am rather jealous.” She remained blunt but she was pissed. “I can only wish I can manipulate your feelings like you did mine. Have fun flirting with Gyro without your phone. I am going to go inside and buy healthy snacks for Boyd.” 

She took Boyd’s hand and stormed inside the store. Boyd looked back at him and he was very very confused. But he was going to get some apple juice so he wasn’t going to question anything further. 

Gyro sighed. He didn’t even have it in him to laugh at Mark’s expense. “Way to go Mark.” The pump clicked, signalling the tank was full. Gyro jiggled it around to prevent gas dripping from the pump before putting it back, along with his shirt back on. “I’m going inside too.” Gyro didn’t want anything, but he sure as hell wasn’t waiting outside with Mark. 

Mark hopped off the van and shook his fist in the air at the people walking into the gas station “LOVE IS LOVE!”

He stood there for a whie before realizing how stupid he looked right then. He was partially soaking wet at this point while wearing a tied up crop top that exposed the majority of his chest. Mark sighed and fixed his crop top in shame before walking into the gas station himself so he wasn’t the only one left outside with Glomgold.

Mark knew that he was taking his whole Pride Month fiasco too far when he realized that he was wrapping his enemy into it and pissing his girlfriend off. He made a mental note to tone it down IRL and to have a 20% sale on all rainbow Waddle merch. 

Ellie was standing at the end of the healthy snack aisle watching Boyd roam back and forth to figure out what he wanted. She already had a few lighters in her purse after Gloria had notified her of the ‘lighting Glomgold on fire’ plan. 

Speaking of Gloria, she had been filling up a large cup of ICEE and going to the back of the store to drink it, only to walk back and refill it. She had already stuffed a couple of chips in her bag but she was planning on buying some of it to make it seem like she wasn’t shoplifting.

As for Gyro, well, he was trying to pick out the purest water out of the 20 different brands they had at every gas station. He was stuck between Aquafina and Dasani before almost coming to a decision; the sound of loud motorcycles cut off his train of thought. “Goddamnit!” He turned to Gloria who was midway through her fifth slurpee. “See what I mean about Floridian gas stations?! How am I supposed to analyze different water bottles with loud interruptions like this!” He pointed out the window in pure scientist rage. The majority of the window was covered in handprints and dead roaches, but you could still see out of it fairly well. 

Gloria followed his finger to see what he was talking about. She took another sip of her ICEE before responding. “Okay sooooooo not to freak everyone out… but I think that may be Heidi’s ex-gang.”

Despite being on the opposite side of the gas station, Ellie was able to pick up on that. She turned around to peer out another window herself, and sure enough, it was T-bag, Vic, Tina, and Dingles. They had just started their road trip and had already been found. Heidi wasn’t joking when she mentioned how dangerous they were. They really did want revenge. 

She took Boyd’s free hand, the other holding an apple, as she sped walked over to both Gloria and Gyro. Mark was too busy admiring himself in the tiny mirror where they held sunglasses, mainly trying to fix his hair after getting all wet. 

“What are we going to do?” Ellie whispered like the gang members were already inside. They weren’t. At the moment they were looking around their van. A question Ellie wondered was how on earth they figured out what vehicle they took, but the answer was simple. They must’ve either been stalking them or have gotten to Jimmy somehow. Most likely the latter. Ellie was observant and would have noticed if they were being stalked. At least, she liked to think that. 

When no one answered her previous question, she added something. “We cannot take them on ourselves. They are too large and heavily built.”

Gyro nodded in agreement. He didn’t seem too worried yet. “We can sick Glomgold on them again.”

They all looked out the window to see Glomgold who was now passed out in the puddle of gasoline. One of the gang members, Dingles, was kicking him with his foot to try to wake him up. It wasn’t working. 

Now he was worried. “Okay. Nevermind. We’re screwed.” 

Mark walked over to the rest of the Glomsquad while still wearing one of the sunglasses with a huge tag on it. “What’s up?”

Boyd pointed out the window. 

Mark took the sunglasses off dramatically. “Well shit.” 

“W-what do we do?!” Boyd asked that to anyone but Mark. “There isn’t a back exit or restrooms!”

Man. They were in a really shit gas station that was built to get them killed. 

She knew this was a bad idea but Gloria figured she should pitch it anyways. “Why don’t we just grab those big bags of ice, throw it at them, and run?”

That wasn’t too bad of an idea but Ellie still shook her head. “No. They most likely have guns.” She stated. “The gang we took on on the ship was much different. We were able to sneak up on them. It is difficult to do so in this scenario, especially when we are in larger quarters and they will be more spread out when entering.” 

“Well if we could hide in the large freezer without it locking behind us, I would say we could just… chill in there! Ha! Get it?” Man, Gloria was on a roll today with her “great” ideas.

“I’m very sensitive to temperature.” Boyd frowned. “I will freeze up very easily.” 

Ellie was built to handle more intense temperatures considering she survived the North Pole, Boyd on the other hand was not. 

Gyro sighed, knowing it had to be him that came up with a plan. “Not my most brilliant idea, but I guess our only bet is to just sneak around them while they walk around the store.”

“...and then we can sneak in the van and drive away.” Boyd added.

Ellie also added to that. “As well as leave my Uncle behind.” 

“Okay. We have a game plan. Glomsquad, scatter.” Gyro knelt down to crawl into the chip aisle. 

The fact they all went by ‘Glomsquad’ and didn’t retort was a mystery. It had been so long, why bother changing the name at this point? But the fact Gyro always said it outloud was a big no and made the rest of them cringe.

The bell above the door dinged as Heidi’s ex-gang entered in slow motion for the dramatic effect; the leader, T-bag, whipping off his sunglasses once the slow motion had stopped. He scanned the room quickly, the only people in sight being a shirtless man with a gator of his shoulder and a family that looked like they were from a rip off TV show of Honey Boo Boo. 

Vic and Tina guarded the door, C-note walked over to get a slushie, and T-bag and Dingles walked up to the cashier. “Excuse me, sir.” T-bag leaned over, putting his elbow on the counter to seem not only edgy, but also cool as fuck. “Have you seen anyone else enter this fine establishment. Specifically this family…” He held up a vintage looking photo of the Glomsquad at Margaritaville the other day. None of the Glomsquad needed to see the photo to know it was them. This only confirmed that they had been being stalked for days. 

Ellie was going to continue to deny that like the snob she was. There was no way she would come to the conclusion her IQ was low enough to not pick up on that. In fact, she blamed it on Mark for emotionally distracting her. Yep. That was it. 

The truck driving looking ass of a cashier looked up from his republican newspaper to study the photograph. “Nope.” 

Dingles made a very confused look. “But their car is outside.”

“You think I watch the door? If a shooter comes in, good. I want my life to end.” 

Tina muttered under her breath “Mood.”

T-bag, on the other hand, was not amused. He stuffed the photo back into his pocket and nodded at the gang to start searching. Vic remained to guard the door just in case. 

It looked like their only chance of escaping was to get Vic away from the door long enough to bolt. 

Ellie was in the same aisle as Gloria, along with Boyd. Mark had scattered to wear there was cool Florida merch. 

“Help me with this, will you?” Ellie grabbed gasoline from off of a shelf, handing another jug to Gloria. 

She gave Ellie a confused look “What’s your plan? To burn this place down with us in it!?” She whispered.

“Of course.” Ellie gave Gloria a confused look back as if the plan didn’t need to be said. “We spread the gasoline around and we set the building on fire once we are close enough to the door to run. As for the people inside, well I simply do not care.” She pointed to where the Honey Boo Boo looking family was. “They are better off dead if you ask me.” 

“Ellie, killing off gang members and murderers are one thing but innocent people?” Gloria didn’t have any other plan though.

“I do not see your point. That is my plan and you are not changing my mind.” Ellie wasn’t joking around this time. “If innocent people need to be killed in order to save ourselves, then so be it. If we warn them, they will most likely panic, drawing attention to ourselves in the process.” 

She sighed, hoping that the family would find a way out of the building themselves. 

Boyd had his fair share of protests, but he definitely wasn’t going to say anything. Again, this was just another normal day for the Glomsquad. 

“Do you agree to the plan?” 

“Not really? But then again my plan was to throw ice at them so yeah, let’s go with your plan.”

“Go grab Mark and Gyro before spreading around gasoline. I will go ahead and start. Boyd, stay close to me.” She commanded. Ellie had already started pouring gasoline by a nearby wet floor sign, so the gasoline blended in for the moment. Her next move was to put flammable objects nearby, like other barrels of gasoline. 

Boyd gave Gloria a look that meant ‘be safe’.

Gloria sneaked her way over to the other side of the gas station where Mark and Gyro were. Luckily she wasn’t spotted while doing so. “Hey, Ellie came up with a plan. Ready to commit arson, fellas?” Gloria held up the gasoline.

Gyro sighed. “Of course. Of course it’s arson.” He shook his head, while Mark looked hella pumped. “What brilliant plan did Ellie come up with?” 

“That’s it. We just sprinkle gasoline around, light it up, and run out the store. We also should try to ditch Glomgold in the process.”

“Set the building on fire with innocent people inside?!”

Mark laughed. “C’mon, bae. Floridians don’t deserve to live.” If it wasn’t obvious enough, Mark really liked this plan. 

Gyro ignored Mark. “How are we supposed to get out then?” 

Gloria shrugged “Ellie said that we should make our way towards the exit before we light this place up.”

“You know what? I have enough sins. I don’t think killing a few more people will add anything.” Gyro muttered under his breath before crawling his over to be closer to the entrance. He looked behind him at Mark who was close to follow. “I guess being around villains rubbed off on me. You’re disgusting.” 

Mark winked and shot him a finger gun gesture as if that was a compliment. 

Tina moved nearby so they quickly moved to the next aisle, avoiding her by just a hair. God. They weren’t very good at searching. “C-note, stop drinking damn slushies and help us out.”

“What?”

“Yo, T-bag?” Dingles pointed to the floor. “What’s up with all the gasoline? Was that here before?” 

T-bag looked down at the floor. “Oh, I just thought it was that ugly family’s daughter who took a piss everywhere.”

Tina knelt down to stick a finger in it and sniff. “Nope. It’s gasoline. And it sure as hell wasn’t here before.” 

Vic walked over to see all the commotion going on. “What’s up now?” 

T-bag narrowed his eyes and looked around the store. “They’re in here… somewhere. Whatever the deal is with all of the gasoline on the floor, isn’t going to be pretty. We should probably go. Meet them at their van.”

Ellie took this as a cue to stand up by the door and flick the lighter on. She smirked, excited to see innocent people burn more so than the gang members. 

The man with the gator on his shoulder was the first to notice. “ARE WE GONNA LIGHT FIREWORKS UP?!” He pointed to Ellie, the four gang members turning around to see her with a lighter in hand. 

T-bag shoved Vic and Dingles towards the exit “GET HER!”

Ellie didn’t flinch and threw the lighter onto the ground. A wall of fire lit up so fast, the gang vanished from her sight, but their curses remained heard. She waved the glomsquad behind her to follow out the exit beside her before it lit up as well. 

They did so, listening to the horrified screams from the inside grow. It looked like the innocent people didn’t make it out which only made Ellie’s smirk widen. 

They all managed to get into the van with Gyro starting up the engine frantically.

“WAIT!” Ellie pulled another lighter (yeah she had a lot) out from her purse and threw it out the window at the puddle where Glomgold laid. The place blew up, almost tipping the car over. It was spreading to another tank of gas so they had to hurry. Ellie couldn’t see Glomgold through the fire but there was no way he survived. Innocent people and Glomgold dead? Best fucking day ever. Ellie started laughing. “LET'S ROLL, BUCKAROO!” 

Mark held a fist out the window while yelling “WHOOOOOOO!!” as Gyro started speeding down the road to get away from their federal offense as soon as possible.

Sure enough, the fire spread, causing a massive explosion. If the gang members survived, their bikes were destroyed at the very least. 

Gyro’s eye twitched as he gripped harder onto the real, pressing further down onto the gas. “YOU ALL ARE INSANE! WE ARE GOING TO GET ARRESTED!”

“Oh! Don’t worry about me! I can easily bail myself out!” Mark laughed while continuing to fist bump outside the window like a madman. Half of his body was out the window too.

Ellie was now stuck in the middle between Mark and Boyd after buckling up, so she didn’t have access to a window. “Mark, can you please move over just a tad?” 

“Yee” Mark came back into the van and switched seats with Ellie.

She nodded in appreciation before digging out his phone from her purse and chucking it out onto the road. It smashed instantly after hitting the ground at such a high speed. 

You could see Mark’s mind breaking. He whipped his head to look at Ellie “ELLIE!? WHAT THE FUCK?! THAT WAS MY ONLY PHONE!”

“That is what happens when you flirt with someone else. Especially Gyro.” She took out her own phone and chucked that too so he couldn't steal it.

Gloria looked over at Gyro “... Mark was flirting with you?” She wasn’t jealous or anything. In fact, she was trying her best to not laugh at the situation.

“I don’t want to speak of it. Ever.” 

At the point Mark was on the brink of crying, using Boyd’s shoulder as a tissue. “NOT COOL!”

“It is okay, Mark. That was payback so I forgive you.” Ellie smiled. “You do not have to worry about advertising yourself as homosexual to the public anymore. Besides, it is immoral to lie.” That bitch just said that after murdering people.

Boyd tried to nudge his dad off of him. 

“God. I hate this fucking road trip.” Gyro took out the CD they played earlier. You know, the one that played Margaritaville on loop. He blasted it which only made Mark cry harder, but it was enough to drown him out. 

Boyd was really starting to like the song so he figured the best way to ignore his father’s constant sobbing in his shoulder was to sing along. He made sure to skip over saying “damn” whenever it came up in the song.

Soon enough, a scottish accent joined his karaoke. 

“NO GOD PLEASE NO!” Gyro looked in the rearview mirror. “NO! NOOOOO!”

Glomgold’s head peeked out from the back. “OI!” 

Before anyone could protest or join in on Gyro's screams, a loud siren could be heard from behind them. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	34. Gyro The Therapist

Gyro’s knuckles popped out as he gripped the wheel tighter, looking at the cop car in the rearview mirror. His eyes drifted to the cop car close on their tail, then to the mushroom of smoke spiraling into the sky from the multiple felonies they just committed, then to the speed meter. They were going 190 miles per hour to make the entire situation worse. If it wasn’t for the sudden adrenaline, Gyro would’ve passed out. 

“W-what do we do?!” He wasn’t asking anyone in particular, but he hoped Gloria would be the one to answer. 

Sadly she didn’t; Ellie got to it first.

“I do not see the issue. Just put on your right signal and pull over. If you are worried about not having your license and registration, there will be a simple fine. Nothing to worry about.”

“UM, NO! I DON’T KNOW IF YOU FORGOT, BUT WE JUST COMMITTED ARSON AND MURDER!” 

Ellie still didn’t have a grasp of the problem with that. “I still do not see the issue.”

God. Gyro had gotten into so many terrible situations with these idiots, but this had to be one of the worst. “THE ISSUE IS WE’LL BE IMPRISONED! AND RIGHTFULLY SO THIS TIME! FOR LIFE! HELL, I WOULDN’T BE SURPRISED IF WE GOT THE DEATH SENTENCE!”

“Ha! I won’t. I’m too hot and rich.” Mark leaned back in his seat with his hands behind his head like he was laying down for a sun tan. There were still trails of tears on his face from losing his phone, but for now he was trying to ignore his internal pain. 

While all of this was going on, Boyd continued to sing Margaritaville as a coping mechanism to ignore what was happening.

“Well, if pulling over is not a viable option, then the next best thing to do is speed up.” Ellie suggested.

“NO!” Gyro turned to Gloria, deciding to ask her directly. “WHAT DO WE DO, GLORIA?!” 

“Try to lose him!” Gloria looked at the road ahead of them and saw a few dirt road trails that were coming up on the right. She pointed to them “Okay, you see the dirt roads coming up? Slow down enough to turn and pick a road.” She was surprisingly very calm during this. She knew that yelling at him wouldn’t help and it’s not like this was her first time outrunning a cop.

Gyro did what he told him and made a sharp turn down one of the dirt roads. It was a lucky break that there were more than one dirt road to choose from, so when the cop caught up, it was unclear as to which road they took. A mix of winding unknown roads and large patches of woods help throw the cop off of their trail.

The van kept sped down the dirt road, turning left and right and left again at any possible opportunity to help bury themselves further and further into the woods. The road was starting to get more and more bumby and unstable to drive on. The speed limit they were going wasn’t helping either.

Gyro finally had the van stop when he accidentally slammed the front of the van into a tree. No one was hurt, just very shaken up.

The Glomsquad all exited the van to check out the damage. Everyone, with the exception of Glomgold. He was taking a nap the entire time and none of the commotion woke him up. Nobody bothered to wake him up, knowing that they should enjoy any moment of peace they could.

The front hood was dent pretty badly and there were a lot of unnatural sounds coming from the engine. There were a few cracks on the front window but nothing that needed immediate repairs.The majority of the van was covered in dirt and mud from the dirt road.

“Ha! Nice driving, Gyro.” Mark was about to take a photo of the wreck, but when he reached for his phone and realized it wasn’t there, he had a flashback of Ellie throwing it out the window. He shot everyone a look, despite it being Ellie’s doing. “OH, GREAT! NOW I CAN’T POST THIS!” 

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!” Putting his hands on his knees, Gyro bent over to pant. 

Ellie approached him. “I do not understand why you are inhaling so much oxygen. You did not do any physical activity!”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” He stood up and practically shoved Ellie back. If it wasn’t for his slow yet erratic movements, he probably would’ve managed to hit her. “YOU ALL ARE INSANE! I CAN’T HANDLE THIS! I AM A SCIENTIST! NOT A CRIMINAL! ALL I WANTED WAS A NICE VACATION AND WHAT DO I GET?! GANGS, MURDER, AND RUNNING AWAY FROM THE LAW!” 

“Yo, bae, chill.” 

Mark patted his ‘bae’ on the back and Gyro slapped his hand away immediately.

“#OW!” 

“I’M DONE! I’M DONE WITH ALL OF YOU!” Gyro kicked the van, only making the engine in the front sputter out more smoke, before he stormed off into the woods, heading to a nearby creek. 

“Yo, Gyro! Hold up!” Gloria jogged up to him. “Hey man, I know they’re crazy but-”

He cut her off by turning around, taking in a deep breath and doing a praying motion. “Honey, I just need some time alone so please.” 

Gloria’s face scrunched inward. She knew that man did not just call her that. “Did you just call me honey? Yeah, alright. You have some time to yourself to calm down, ‘honey’.” 

It wasn’t the best time to tease him, but she couldn’t help it after being called a name like that. She waved him off before he huffed and stomped away with his clown feet. 

She stuffed her hands in her pockets and nonchalantly walked back over to the rest of the squad like they were just camping rather than just have gotten in a huge car wreck. “It’s chill. Dude just needs some time to calm down.”

“Aw! It’s so cute when he’s angry!”

Before Ellie had time to tell Mark to shut the hell up, her jealousy growing, Boyd raised his hand like he was in class. He spoke up anyway before anyone could ‘give him permission’ to speak. 

“The sun is setting so I can build a fire for the night! It’s best if we rest rather than repair the car and head out again.”

Mark threw his head back and groaned. “GOD! We always get stuck in nature!”

Everyone ignored him. 

Gloria knelt down to Boyd’s level and pat his shoulder. “Good idea, bud! Use those Junior Woodchuck skills!” 

That was enough to get Boyd hyped up to start collecting sticks. If Huey was here, he would be so impressed by the fire this pure child was about to build. 

“Okay, straight mode on.” Mark turned to Ellie. “Okay, babe, I gotta go check on my other babe because that’s what boyfriends do so I’ll be back in a bit.” He ran his hand in front of his face again like he was beginning a scene for a middle school play. “Gay mode on.” And then he ran off into the woods with an extra flamboyant skip, leaving Ellie to huff and mutter to herself in the background. Him giving Gyro attention only made her want attention more. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro had taken his shoes off and started kicking the water at the edge of the creek in a fit of anger. After about 2 minutes, he was beat and decided on sitting down, keeping his feet in the water as he began to throw pebbles and hold a mini temper tantrum under his breath. 

The sound of skipping drawing near grabbed his attention. 

He sighed. “I appreciate you checking on me, Gloria, but I still need a few minutes to cool off. I don’t want to accidentally flip on you.”

“HEY BAEEEEEEE!” Mark plopped down beside him, splashing his feet in the water extra hard to purposely get Gyro wet. 

Gyro didn’t even have the energy to give much of a reaction, much to Mark’s disliking. He only scooted backward and shot Mark a look. “Please go away. Just… please.” He crossed his arms like a toddler who didn’t get applesauce during snack time. “I don’t want to use more of my energy to yell at you so fuck off.” 

Naturally that only made Mark scoot closer to him and lay his head on his shoulder. “Noooooooooo you’re my boyfriend so you gotta be nice to me!” Mark started to splash water with his feet again, making his presence even more annoying to Gyro.

Gyro was too tired to even nudge Mark off. He simply just rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Let’s just go ahead and make out, Mark.” He spat. No, he wasn’t serious. 

Mark gasped and took his head off of his shoulder to look at him “Omg omg okay so I was waiting on a making out post towards the end of Pride Month but since you're on board now, great! Although we can’t make out until I get a new phone so let’s put a pin in it, alright, bae?” Mark clearly didn’t get that Gyro was kidding. Mark really didn’t want to kiss him either but he would do just about anything for more followers. Anything.

Enough was enough. “DUCK JESUS!” Gyro shoved Mark away as hard as he could, almost pushing him into the water. Sadly, Mark didn’t fall in, but there was more space between the two of them. “God. No wonder you had to program Ellie to stay with you.” Gyro didn’t even care if Mark heard that or not. “You know,” He spoke up so Mark could hear him clearly. “It’s so hilarious how much we despise each other, and obviously it’s more one sided on my end right now, yet we keep getting fucking stuck together. And the worst part is, I’ll never be able to get away from you! When this ‘vacation’ is over; what’s gonna happen, Mark? Take a wild guess!” Gyro didn’t wait for an answer. “We’re going to have to keep seeing each other over and over again because Gloria and Ellie just happen to be besties now. So this is all just PEACHY! I’m never going to be able to get away from you.” 

It wasn’t just a rant. Gyro was clearly distressed. 

Mark repositioned himself so he was sitting more comfortable than how he was when Gyro pushed him away. “Hey, the feelings are mutual, pal! You think I want to be stuck out here in fucking nowhere with you?! Hell no! After we get back to Duckburg I am totes cool with never seeing you again!”

“Well how about we get a head start? You pretend June is over and go jerk off someplace in the woods by your lonesome.” Gyro took his feet out of the water and hugged his knees, hoping with all his Gyro might Mark would get the fuck up and leave to go complain to Ellie. Or maybe literally jerk off in the woods. Mark’s thought process was an enigma. 

Mark didn’t respond to that. He just stared at the creek and watched the water travel downstream. Mark continued kicking his feet up and down in the water. The two of them were quiet for a while until Mark spoke up again “Yo, could we have serious talk for a quick second?” Mark’s tone proved that he was being genuine and that he actually wanted to talk about something important.

“What? Want to cry about how you lost your phone again?”

The two remained to sit in silence for a while, mosquitoes and lighting bugs began to come out as the sun set. When Mark didn’t even bother to scream when insects approached him, it dawned on Gyro that Mark was actually serious, not that it wasn’t obvious enough already. Gyro assumed beforehand but pushed the thought aside. Now it was truly undeniable. 

He sighed. “Fine.”

Mark raked his hand through his hair as he continued to stare straight ahead. “So I’ve been planning on proposing to Ellie for like, a while now. I have the ring and everything. I got it while we were still in Tampa...and don’t get me wrong, I still want to propose to her, but… I dunno. It’s gonna sound really stupid but I think she could do way better than me, ya know? My mom gave me the idea that I would never be good enough for anyone and I can’t really blame her. I kinda believe her, actually. God- I just really love Ellie but I’m not sure what to do…” Mark picked up a rock and started to fiddle with it in his hands to help keep him preoccupied.

“Oh… I was not expecting that.” That was the only thing Gyro could manage to say as he looked over at Mark. Mark was clearly asking for advice but, truthfully, Gyro didn’t have any. “She could do a lot better, but she can’t anymore, now can she?” Gyro was digging deep into the reprogramming thing. It was mean, and not what Mark wanted to hear, but he deserved to hear it. Gyro wasn’t going to comfort him unless Mark deserved it, and at the moment, Gyro didn’t think he did. “And the whole ‘flirting’ with me thing really isn’t helping your case. I guess your mom was right, huh?”

Mark took the rock he was holding and threw it in a fit of anger into the creek. “FUCK! YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW THAT?!” He continued “EVERYTHING I DO IS JUST ONE FUCK UP AFTER ANOTHER! I always promise that I will do better but I guess my best is never fucking good enough for anyone! Not for my mom, not for Boyd, and especially not for the girl that I want to marry!” He threw another rock before crossing his arms and huffing. His chest was rising up and down from being so upset. 

That actually got a good jump out of Gyro. Whatever response he was expecting, it wasn’t that. He had seen Mark angry, everyone had, but this was different. Very different. “…sorry. I didn’t know it was that touchy of a subject.” That apology was unfeigned, but Gyro had no idea what else to add to his statement. 

Cicadas began to fill in the silence for a while before Gyro spoke up again.

“You’re a villain, Mark. Do you really expect any less? I say you pawn the ring.” He kept his voice hushed. “Not to pry, but I’m assuming your childhood played a part in your current actions.” It wasn’t a question. Gyro already knew. 

Mark let out a sarcastic huffed laugh at that “Probably… My mom sucks but my dad, oh man he’s the fucking worst!” At this point Mark was just ranting. Whether or not Gyro was paying attention didn’t really matter to him at this point. He just needed to get it out. “After they got a divorce, I had to go back and forth between living with the two of them growing up. At my mom’s place, it wasn’t too bad I guess. She had a killer crib and I had my own personal pool and shit. She just wouldn't want to do anything with me but that is luxury compared to the weekends I would have to stay at my dad’s house. It was nothing but abuse left and right. Fucking bastard… I tried telling my mom but she obviously didn’t care that it was happening. I practically begged her to let me only stay with her because I would rather be ignored than beaten.” Mark only realized how much personal information he just shared with Gyro until it was too late. He was immediately embarrassed. “So, yeah, that’s it, I guess… Whatever.”

“Hm. So Ellie gives you the love and attention you didn’t receive as a child. You were afraid of losing that so you forced it. Interesting...” Rather than pitying Mark, Gyro’s immediate reaction was to analyze the situation. It all made sense now. Eventually Gyro’s eyes softened, not by much, but just a tad. “Alright. I get it.” He started. “If it makes you feel better, which it probably will because you hate me and all, my dad did the same thing to me and my mom. That’s why I left for Duckburg. The worst part is… I left my mom behind so it looks like you aren’t the only villain here.” 

Mark looked over at him. “Wait, for real? Shit…” He wasn’t sure what to say to that. He had no idea that he would ever have something similar to Gyro let alone something so personal. Mark nodded his head slowly, taking in what Gyro just told him and he turned to stare at the creek again. He sighed “I guess my mom was right. I’m pretty shitty so everything bad that’s been happening with me and Ellie, I deserved.” He began to toss a couple of pebbles into the water every once in a while to give him something to do.

“Maybe, but it’s never too late to change. I know you won’t but I’m just pointing it out.” Gyro said. He started picking up pebbles himself, but was running his thumb along them rather than throwing them into the creek. “Ellie gets pissed at you a lot, we all do, but she still loves you past the reprogramming and she knows it. That’s why she’s staying with you. If she was for certain that everything between you two was fake, even though most of it is, then she would have agreed to let me reboot her. But she didn’t because there’s something there for whatever reason.” Gyro would never know what it was and he gave up trying to figure it out. “I doubt she told you she denied getting reset. She’ll never admit it, but I know it’s because she didn’t want to forget everything she’s been through with your asshole self.” Gyro was getting too nice so he had to add in an insult last minute for his sanity. 

“Even so, that doesn’t mean that she would want to marry me. I’ve only mentioned it to her once and she seemed on board with it earlier. But that was before I told her about her reprogramming obviously.” Mark sighed again. “She probably doesn’t even care about marriage or what it means for our future so I probably shouldn’t even bother. I just don’t know what to do.”

Gyro shrugged. “You’re right. She most likely doesn’t understand that concept at all and thinks it’s a ‘idiotic organic gesture’, but you already know she’s going to say yes. Why wouldn’t she?” 

When Mark didn’t respond, Gyro continued.

“Yes. Your relationship with her is… really immoral, but she’s okay with it because of how much she’s devoted to you. Whether that is her programming speaking for her is up for you to analyze, but I believe she understands what you’re going through and why you did it. I already said it, but she loves you deep down, past the programming. It just wouldn’t be to this extent buuuuuut she seems to be looking past that too. She’s self aware enough. So just propose already and stop pestering me about it. And don’t make me repeat myself.” Gyro spat. The fact he was being nice to Mark was hurting him and he was never going to recover. “But you should really stop flirting with me and give her a lot more attention. She’s getting really huffy. Why do you think she threw your phone out the window? Fucking idiot.” The last part was muttered under his breath. 

“But it’s Pride Month!”

Gyro glared at him as a warning.

Mark sighed “Okay okay I get it. As soon as I get another phone I’ll keep my pride going. Until July that is. But IRL I should just stay straight! Kayyyyyyyyy good talk but also fuck you! Ha!” He tried to overcompensate by being extra rude and obnoxious to make up for the fact that he just opened up about some of his problems to Gyro of all people.

“Yeah okay. You can go jerk off now.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie had offered to help Boyd build the fire multiple times, but he denied over and over again. 

Boyd felt the need to prove himself, although he had already done that when they were stranded on an island. Either way, Ellie settled on letting him be because he seemed to be having a good time. 

At the moment, Ellie and Gloria were cleaning out the back of the van to sleep in for the night. There wasn’t enough room for everyone so the two silently agreed Mark and Gyro would be stuck sleeping in the passenger seats rather than laying down in the back. Or they could sleep outside if they so choose, which they wouldn’t. 

Glomgold was in the way while they were setting up the back for the night, but Ellie simply picked him up and shoved him under the car. He didn’t even wake up; the dude was snoring and barking in his sleep as he stayed curled up in a ball. 

Ellie pondered stabbing him, but she didn’t want to do that when Boyd was around. Did she set Glomgold on fire earlier when Boyd was watching? Yes. But that was in the heat of the moment. Pun intended. 

Gloria was sitting inside the van and was cleaning it out but she soon started to just rummage through all of Jimmy Buffett’s old stuff to see if she could find something cool. She found a cool old Margaritaville button down shirt of his and put it on over her own shirt leaving it unbuttoned. Gloria looked over at Ellie “Yo, we never got a moment to talk after everything that happened after Tampa. Are you and Boyd doing okay?”

“I believe so.” To be fair, Ellie had no idea how Boyd was doing. “Boyd does not seem to speak to me much about his feelings… but I assume he is doing alright.” She looked back at him making a campfire with a large fire on his face. “I just cannot believe we keep getting in such situations with a child.” Staying quiet for a moment, Ellie decided to shake off that thought and move on. She wasn’t going to start thinking about how shit of a mother she was again. Not at the moment, anyway. “As for me, I am doing fine.” 

Ellie would have asked how Gloria was doing, but she was too occupied to think of even doing so. It was probably for the better. Speaking of Heidi was still an awkward subject for her considering the women had sex with Mark, married him, and then shot her. But whatever. 

Gloria started to flip through old papers with Jimmy Buffett’s scribbles and notes for some of his old songs. She awkwardly laughed “Well at least someone is doing okay…” She carefully put the notes back into the box and closed the box lid. “It’s still pretty haunting, you know? I mean, god, she fucked with everyone! I’m glad that she was given a second chance and I hope she’s doing okay but… wow. She did a lot to us. And it’s even more awkward because Heidi kind of reminded me of someone I knew back in New York. Em, before she went crazy I mean…”

Ellie internally cringed. She wasn’t really up for a conversation about Heidi but she wasn’t just going to ignore Gloria. Her last statement did interest her at the very least. “She reminded you of someone?”

She nodded “Yeah, Mia.” Gloria’s tone changed, she sounded sad. “I’ve told you about Mia, right? Or did I only tell Gyro about her?”

“I cannot confirm whether you did or did not. Some of my data is missing.” Ellie was referring to the memories of Steelbeak that had been erased, not that she knew she was referring to that in the first place. “If you have, I apologize. You will have to remind me.” 

“Now that I think about it, I didn’t mention her to you but whatever it doesn’t matter.” She sighed before starting “Again, this was before Heidi went crazy. When I was hanging out with her I couldn’t help but notice that she reminded me of Mia. I can’t really put my finger on it because they have very different personalities but it may have been her mannerisms and smile? I’m not sure. Well, it was kind of messing me up because I had this thing with Mia a few years back… and it wasn’t until the whole Axel situation on the cruise ship that I found out that he killed her.” Gloria grabbed the box that was holding all of the old notes and held it tight to her chest. “It was so sudden. I had no idea that she died and I had to find out in the worst way possible.”

“That is alright. Axel was murdered in turn.” Ellie’s voice was monotone and not so sympathetic. Gloria brushed that off, being used to Ellie after all this time. “However, I do not understand. Was Mia a love interest of yours?” 

She nodded “She was… it was never official because technically I was still dating Axel at the time but he was so awful to me.” Gloria was quickly wiping off any tears that were trying to stream down her face. Her voice started to get shaky. “She would be alive if I wasn’t so selfish and left New York the way I did. I should’ve had her leave with me. I should’ve known that Axel would find her.”

Noticing Gloria had begun to cry, Ellie looked up and frowned. “Oh…I see…” Turns out Axel was even more of a dick bag than Ellie had first assumed. “There was no way you could have predicted the future or its consequences so it is just something you must accept.” God, she really sucked at comforting people. “Gloria, I truly think Axel would have found the both of you whether you took Mia with you or not. There was no way to prevent it. I may find religion to be the most idiotic thing organics have created, but I will say I do believe in fate. Axel chose his fate by killing Mia and he had to pay the price. And if there is another side, which I highly doubt because that is absolutely stupid, I am sure Mia is happy you got vengeance on her behalf.”

The worst part about everything Ellie said was the fact she thought she was the best person to turn to for comfort. Boy howdy, was she wrong.

Gloria knew as soon as she started bringing up Mia that Ellie wouldn’t be the biggest help in giving support but again, she was used to how Ellie rolls. She did however take everything that Ellie said with a grain of salt. “Yeah you’re probably right.”

The two sat in silence for another minute before Gloria spoke up again. “I told Gyro about this but I have been thinking about doing this kind of funeral service thing for her. I think I would feel somewhat better about everything as soon as I give myself time to have closure. I don’t have anything from her on me. I had to leave a lot of my things behind in New York but I still have the receipt where she put her phone number on it. It’s back in Duckburg though…” She noticed she was rambling and went back on topic. “I think if I just sat outside for a while, that could be enough. Could you sit with me?” She looked back up at Ellie again.

“I do not understand why organics feel the need to do such gestures for someone who has passed. It is rather silly.” Gloria made a face so Ellie decided to shut the hell up. If Ellie wanted to be more like a normal person than she had to act like it. She came to the conclusion that such gestures were simply for one's own comfort before she nodded. “Yes. I will sit with you.” 

Gloria sniffled and exited the van to sit at the edge at the edge of the clearing they were in to where it became a fully fledged forest again. Ellie sat down on her knees beside her. 

The fire Boyd had built was a bit far away, but it was bright enough to illuminate them. 

Gloria sat criss cross applesauce on the ground and closed her eyes. It looked like she was mediating.

The two of them sat there for a while. Neither one was sure how long. Gloria just kept her eyes closed and would occasionally wipe her eyes and sniff. Ellie sat there patiently and watched her, not sure if there was something that she needed to be doing herself. Gloria didn’t specify so she kept quiet.

Gloria finally opened her eyes again and noticed how dark it had gotten. She looked over at Ellie and slowly sat up. “Okay, we can leave now. I think I’m okay…. Thank you so much, Ellie, for sitting with me. I know you don’t understand it but it really does mean a lot to me.” She patted the back of her legs to get the dirt off of her. “The guys are probably wondering where we are.”

“You are quite welcome, Gloria.” Ellie smiled. Gloria was right though, Ellie didn’t understand and she never would. But maybe that was okay too. “I also would not doubt if ‘the guys’ are still out doing… whatever they are doing…” She thought back to when Mark had told her he needed to chase after his ‘boyfriend’ and grimaced. 

Gloria laughed at the face Ellie was making “Yeah maybe.” The two of them started walking towards the light that Boyd’s fire was emanating “You shouldn’t worry about Mark by the way. He’s just an idiot and he’s not doing it to hurt your feelings.” It was pretty obvious as to what “it” Gloria was referring to this time.

“Do you think they are…?” She stopped her sentence there. It was not going to be finished. Ever.

Gloria laughed harder “Oh my god, Ellie, no no no! Mark is just acting that way for show and attention. He doesn’t actually like Gyro!”

Ellie sighed in relief but she was still very confused. “I will never understand him. Or any organic for that matter.” 

__________________________________________________________________________________


	35. The Most Filler Chapter To EVER Exist (part 1)

“OI! ARE YOU DONE YET DR. FUCKFACE?!”

Gyro wiped his forehead, and yes, the cliche thing where oil smeared on his head did happen. He shot an angry look at Glomgold. “Fixing an engine doesn’t happen in 3 hours! A good mechanic takes 8 hours to finish it at least. And I am a very good mechanic so how about you sit down and wait? We’ll be on the road by lunch.” 

He didn’t have the energy to flip out on Glomgold too much. Everyone was already fed up with him as is and yelling only made it worse. It could’ve been more unpleasant, as in Glomgold could have been nibbling on people’s legs again, but so far he was only complaining about the morning humidity and lack of goldfish. 

Mark walked over to stand next to Gyro to watch him work. He pointed to the engine and laughed “Wow, I think the engine looks worse than how it was before we crashed! No offense, but also highkey yes take offense, you suck at this!”

The wrench Gyro had for the plot was immediately thrown on the ground in a fit of anger. “ALL OF YOU SHUT UP! ONCE I FIX SADIE, I’LL HAPPILY LEAVE ANYONE WHO MOUTHS ME OFF BEHIND!”

Literally everyone had stopped paying attention and his current rant. He huffed, rolling up his already short sleeved Jimmy Buffet shirt and picked up the wrench to continue his ‘engine work’ that was very shitty. 

“Dr. Gearloose?”

Gyro practically shit himself and looked down to see Boyd. The kid was sneaky but Gyro managed a welcoming smile anyway. 

“Hey there, Boyd! What’s going on?” 

Boyd just stared at him. “You are an inventor, not a mechanic.” It wasn’t a question, just a statement. The sentence was pretty bland and emotionless so either he was picking up things from Ellie, which was very bad, or he was serious. It had to have been the latter.

“Um… excuse me?” Gyro didn’t care if Boyd was a child; his sass remained. “I can be whoever I want to be, thank you very much.”

Boyd simply pointed to the engine. “You’re making Sadie’s condition worse.” He frowned as he attempted to peak over by the open hood to get a better look.

“Wha- no I’m not.” Gyro waved him off. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Boyd politely pushed Gyro out of the way, it wasn’t really a push, just a tap to get him to move. 

“What are you doing?” 

Ignoring him, because Boyd knew he wouldn’t listen, he hopped up to stand on the car by the open engine. All he did was turn a bolt and then hopped back down. “That was all you needed to do, Dr. Gearloose. You weren’t working on the right part of the engine. In fact, it was barely damaged at all.” 

Gyro’s smile was fake as he bawled up his fists. “Thank you very much Boyd.”

Fucking rude, but Gyro couldn’t help it. Boyd literally made him look like an idiot. At least no one noticed.

“You are an idiot.” 

Gyro whipped around to see Ellie who was standing right beside him for god knows how long.

“DUCK JESUS! WHY WON’T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE?!” 

“I assume we may enter the vehicle now.”

He scoffed. “Yes, fine, whatever.”

“WOT?!” Glomgold got on all fours and rammed his head into the door. “OPEN UP, SADIE! YOU BIG FAT BIATCH!”

Boyd found that very insulting on Sadie’s behalf and opened the sliding door for Glomgold who grunted scottishly in thanks before crawling like a roach. He disappeared under the seats, making Boyd even more uncomfortable. He didn’t want to sit on the seat above Glomgold, but there was no way to tell which one he resided under. 

“Just…” Gyro couldn’t handle this fucking road trip. He took off his glasses for a moment to massage his oil covered forehead. “Everyone get in the car. Okay? Okay.” 

Gloria tapped on Gyro’s shoulder “Hey, do you want me to drive for a while? You’re acting a little…” She trailed off because any adjective used to describe Gyro’s attitude right now wouldn’t be a nice one. He was already stressed as is, he didn’t need another snarky remark.

He got into the passenger side of the vehicle and slammed the door without another word. That was a heavy yes. 

“I’d offer to drive but I don’t drive pieces of a shit. It would ruin my rep.” Even if it was a good car, Mark sure as hell wouldn’t offer to drive, but he felt the need to call Sadie a piece of shit anyway. There was no way he would be able to post selfies of himself in the vehicle if he did have that phone. It was commoner bullshit.

The Glomsquad started traveling back down the same path that they came from. They really didn’t have a set place in mind on where to go next, they just knew that they needed to leave that particular area as soon as possible. They were still very close to the gas station that exploded.

Gloria was about to turn onto the main stretch of paved road before the same cop car from earlier pulled out in front of her, blocking their only exit. She slammed on the breaks. “Oh god damnit. Doesn’t this fucker have anything better to do?”

The police officer pulled up the mic in his car to produce sound from the speaker up top. “STEP OUT OF THE VEHICLE WITH YOUR HANDS UP!” 

“Do you think I could just run him over?” Gloria asked no one in particular.

“I have knives.” Ellie looked over at Boyd. “Close your eyes.”

“NO!” Gyro shouted that to everyone in the car, including Gloria. “We have done enough illegal activities and running! We literally blew up a gas station and killed innocent people inside and then I was the getaway driver!” His voice cracked. Internally, he couldn’t handle being considered a villain. “We should do as he says.”

Mark threw his head back. “GOD! You’re so LAME!” He was the first to exit the vehicle anyway. “Whatevs. Like I said, I can bail myself out.” 

The cop exited his own vehicle after Mark had. “EVERYONE OUT!” He screamed. He pulled out the gun from his belt, pointing it at the vehicle. It wasn’t aimed at anyone in particular, but he settled on aiming it on Gloria eventually. Aka the driver. “HANDS UP!” 

Gyro eyed Gloria one last time in pure annoyance. “Just get out. Do not step on the gas because I know you are still thinking that.” He was the next to exit, putting his hands up. And then Boyd and Ellie. Gloria was the last left in the car, gripping the wheel tightly.

Well, Glomgold was in there too, but who cares about him. 

“DRIVER! GET OUT!” The cop demanded. 

Gloria sighed. She turned the engine off and finally got out of the van. She still very much wanted to run the guy over but she didn’t want to risk going to jail. Again. She put her hands up and shot the cop a glare as he stepped closer towards them. He didn’t put the gun down which didn’t help any of their nerves.  
“Alright. Thank you.” He finally lowered his voice and approached slowly. “What is your deal?” He was asking that to everyone. “Going almost 200 miles per hour on the highway? Really?”

Gyro gulped. “O-officer I can explain…” No he couldn’t. 

“Goodness.” The officer shook his head and put down the gun, turning the safety on and placing it back in it’s holster. “All I wanted to do was tell you you had your left light out. There was no need to get that scared. Haha!” He threw his head back and laughed. “Anyway, you guys should probably get that looked at. Not good to drive at night with a light out, know what I mean?” 

Ellie scrunched up her face before looking at everyone and then settling her eyes on the cop once more. “Pardon me, you are saying we are not being arrested for committing arson and 3rd degree murder at the gas station?” 

Everyone’s eyes widened in unison. 

“WHAT THE FUCK, ELLIE?!” Damnit. Gloria knew she should’ve run the guy over when she still had the chance.

“Yeah, um, #wtf?” You know who said that. 

The cop raised a brow. “Wait… you all were behind the mass explosion at the local 7 Eleven down the street?” 

“....no?”

“Yes we were, Gloria. Why are you lying? I do not understand.” 

“ELLIE!”

The cop shook his head. “I’m going to have to call this into the station. Let them know what’s going on.” 

Gyro started hyperventilating. “N-no no no! I won’t be able to survive in prison! T-the showers and the soap! I can’t do that!” 

Gloria backed him up. “That is very true officer, he can’t. Can I just show you my tits and we can be on our way?”

Mark shook his head and scoffed. “What if he’s gay, Gloria?! God. ASSUMING!” He looked back at the officer. “Look, I can show you my dick. I am a fellow gay myself. For the rest of the month at least.” 

“It’s nice to meet a man of Pride but that is not going to save you from a 25 dollar fine.” The officer took out a ticket and started scribbling shit down. 

“Wait. Only 25 dollars?! That’s fucking stupid.”

“Miss, don’t make me round it up to 26.”

“Pardon me.” 

The Glomsquad looked at Ellie again to try to get her to shut up. It didn’t work.

“The felonies we have committed would add up to give each of us at least two life sentences. Perhaps punishable by death if the judge so chooses.” 

The officer nodded. “You’re right. I’m going to have to raise it to 30.” He finished writing the ticket before handing it to Gyro. “Now you folks stay out of trouble.”

Gyro’s anxiety was so high he almost dropped the ticket. “W-wait. Are you- are you messing with us?” He started tearing up. “If you’re going to take us to prison just do it!” 

“Goodness. And you all are getting mad at me.” Ellie muttered.

The officer gave them all a confused look. “If you guys stole some Twinkies, then yes I’d take you in. But arson and murder? That’s a normal Tuesday in Florida. But you folks need to be careful on the road, ya hear? The bikers at the gas station were not too happy about their bikes being destroyed.” 

Gyro’s heart rate sped up. “B-bikers? As in a biker gang?” 

“Yep! Man they are pissed. Told me they were going to brutally murder the five who did that to them, which is you, so ummmm ya, good luck with that. They’re hunting you down for sure.” He shrugged. “Anyway. It’s almost my donut break so see ya!” The cop tipped his hat at them and got into his car without another word before driving off to go to his heaven; Krispy Kreme. Dunkin' Donuts was a close competitor, but he had to give it to the ‘Kreme. 

The five stood quite for a few moments until finally Gyro crouched down and started pulling at his hair. “OF COURSE THEY AREN’T DEAD! OF COURSE THEY AREN’T! GOD! WE’RE DEAD! WE ARE SO DEAD!” He started to sob. “I’M A MURDERER WHO IS GOING TO GET MURDERED!” 

Gloria waved at Mark and Ellie, signaling them to go ahead and get back into the car. She crouched down as well to get on his eye level and gently took his hands out of his hair to hold them. “Gyro, listen to me. Everything is going to be alright. Every single time we’ve been in an awful situation we always get out of it. What’s been going on? Why are you so stressed all of a sudden?”

“What do you think is wrong?!” He sniffled, not bothering to even look at her. “That was my first time being involved in a crime where I was the one involved! I’m LITERALLY a villain now! I’m just like Mark and Ellie!” His crying had turned to pure rage. “AND IT’S THEIR FAULT! THEY’RE BAD INFLUENCES BUT I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM THEM! SPECIFICALLY MARK!”

“Yeah Mark is the worst…” She awkwardly laughed to help lighten the mood but it obviously didn’t work. Gloria was about to say another stuipid remark before she had an eureka moment. “Oh my god you know what we should do?! We are all pretty stressed out, so what if we went to DisneyWorld?! That would be so much fun!”

He scoffed before standing up and crossing his arms. “Absolutely not! We are on the run from a gang and you want to stop at a theme park? Not to mention that place is UNBELIEVABLY expensive! We need to focus on going straight back to Duckburg so we can FINALLY have a normal life and that's that.”

Gloria stood up too “Aw c’mon, Gyro! Think about it, Disney would be the last place these gang members would bother to check and we can just get Mark to pay for it. Hang on, I’ll go talk to him about it now.” She banged the side of the car where Mark was sitting to get his attention. “Mark! Get out here!”

“Oh my GOD!” Although Mark was throwing a fit, he did actually exit the car and walk over, kicking a few pebbles while he was at it. “#what?” 

Gloria closed the car door behind him to make sure Ellie didn’t hear anything. “Hey, we are thinking about going to DisneyWorld for the day. Oh, and you would have to pay for all of us to get in.”

“Ummmm, no that sounds stupid.”

That may have been the only time Gyro actually agreed with Mark.

She crossed her arms and smirked “Yeah, I knew you would say that, but what if I told you that DisneyWorld is like the best place for you to propose to Ellie? You wouldn’t want to miss an opportunity like that, would you?”

Mark made a face at her. “I know what you’re trying to do.”

“So is that a yes?”

He huffed. “Yeah we can go… and it better be hella fun! If not, I’ll sue and shut the entire park down!”

“HELL YEAH! LET’S GO TO DISNEY BITCHES!”

Gyro rolled his eyes. “I’m still not so sure about this. We should just keep driving to Duckburg. I don’t want to-”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“I don’t want to be here.”

A little kid dropped a popsicle on Gyro’s shoe and started crying before being pulled away by her mother toward the castle. Gyro sneered and tapped his shoe on the ground as if that would get some of the ice cream off. It didn’t really work. 

Gloria nudged him in the ribs, causing him to stumble over a bit. “Aw c’mon, Gyro! Look at the castle! It’s pretty, just like you!” 

“Yep… it sure is.”

Ellie sneered as well. “I do not want to be here either. They took all my knives from my purse.”

Throwing her head back, Gloria let out a grown. “Seriously?! C’mon guys! There’s freaking rides! We deserve a few hours of fun after saving a cruise ship from sinking and dealing with multiple gangs!” 

Boyd was too busy observing the environment and biophilic design to listen to the ongoing argument. Finally, he was somewhere he truly wanted to be and could have an actual break. No more trying to find things to do on a cruise ship or watch his family members get kidnapped; it was perfect! He turned to the lot of them with a big smile.

“Can we go on rides now?” 

Glomgold grunted in agreement. Yep, he was there too. And he was picking his boogers. “Oi! I want to go on Winnie the Pooh!” 

Boyd paused. Man, he wanted to go on Winnie the Pooh too. “Um… I don’t want to go on that one with Uncle Glomgold. Can I go on something else while he rides that, please?” 

Glomgold grunted again before getting on all fours and scuttling off into the crowd like an animal, stepping on gum, some of it getting on his hands, and knocking children over along the way. Screams could be heard in the distance. 

Gloria laughed “Thank god! I was worried he was gonna follow us around the entire day.”

The Glomsquad walked together into the first gift shop at the front of Main Street USA. Everything was going well for them until they saw all of the Mickey Mouse merchandise. Everything Mickey Mouse, from wall to wall. Gloria and Mark stood there frozen in shock and horror.

“Yo… is that…?” Mark stammered.

“It is…” Gloria responded.

Ellie, Gyro and Boyd stared at the two of them in confusion.

“What’s the problem?”

There was a family that passed by them who were all wearing Mickey shaped ear hats on the top of their heads. They could only assume that they were mindcontrolling devices similar to the device on the back of Launchpad’s neck all those many months ago.

“Everything here… it’s all Mickey Mouse! The same Mickey Mouse that was controlling Agartha!?”

Mark added on to what Gloria was talking about “He was the dude that kidnapped us, brainwashed LP, and decapitated Ellie.”

Gloria's hands began to shake “Why is all of this here?! Oh god- did he survive?! Is he controlling above ground now and we blindly stumbled into his new headquarters?!”

Gyro scoffed. “What are you two on about?” 

Apparently, Gloria had never told him about Mickey being the villain between everything in Agartha. Or perhaps she did and he had simply forgotten. Can you blame him? The squad had been through so much shit it was hard to remember everything. Especially something he hadn’t experienced himself. 

Ellie was in no fear either. She had ‘died’ before having the pleasure of meeting him. 

“Mickey Mouse was not the one who shot and decapitated me. Launchpad was.” Ellie stated. “Also, according to my data, Mickey Mouse is simply the mascot of the park. And owner, if you will. Previous owner.” She did more research. “It is now owned by Scrooge Enterprises.” 

“Wait so this place isn’t being controlled by an evil dictator?” Why Scrooge decided to buy DisneyWorld and continue to have Mickey Mouse be the mascot was beyond Gloria. He was there on that adventure too. It didn’t make sense but if they weren’t in any sort of danger, there was no reason to worry.

“That depends on if you consider Scrooge McDuck an evil dictator.” Ellie deadpanned. 

Gloria and Mark did a sigh of relief. They were able to walk around the gift shop but they still couldn't help but feel weirded out by all the Mickey Mouse plushies sitting on display that would stare into their souls.

Ellie bought Boyd a pair of Mickey ears to wear, thinking it was mandatory attire for someone in every party to wear while on the premises. That meant she grabbed them all a pair. “Gloria. Do you desire the one with or without the bow?” 

“You know, I think I’ll pass.”

“Fine. I will have the bow.” She handed Gloria one with sparkles on it instead. “This one is aggressive and bold, like your personality.” Ellie placed it on her head before Gloria could even protest. 

Gyro sighed and took one from Ellie as well, knowing she wasn’t going to leave it alone. “I do not want any pictures taken of me.” 

Just because he said that Gloria took out her phone and took a quick picture of Gyro. He didn’t look very happy in the picture but what else was new.

Boyd was getting pretty bored in the gift shop already. No kid was really a fan of shopping. “Can we please go on rides now? Pretty please?” 

“Of course! Do you wanna ride the People Mover with me and Gyro, Boyd? I think that’s our first stop. That shit slaps.”

Boyd ignored the curses and smiled, despite not knowing what ride that was. It’s not like he had ever been to Disney before. “Absolutely!” He turned to Ellie and Mark. “Are you coming too?” 

Mark answered for the two of them “Nahhhh the People Mover sucks! Imma head to Big Thunder Railroad! That shit slaps!”

Ellie had no idea what rides were which either. She sighed and turned back to Boyd. “We will catch up with you later. I need to keep an eye on your father to make sure he does not get kicked out of the park.” She remained monotone. She wasn’t excited to be in an amusement park either and was as happy as Gyro. Which meant not at all. Finding entertainment in rides was idiotic in her mind. And the fact security ‘stole’ her knives pissed her off. She had named each and every one of them too. 

For once, Gyro did smile. “Good riddance.” He was referring to Mark, not Ellie since they were supposed to be “friends” or something. And from what he knew, the People Mover was a slow ride. A perfect oppurtunity to chat and watch Boyd have fun. 

Gyro, Gloria and Boyd made their way towards Tomorrowland, leaving Ellie and Mark at the end of Main Street USA. Before Mark could run towards The Big Thunder Railroad, he noticed how the small area in front of the castle was a very beautiful spot to propose to Ellie. He took Ellie’s hand and directed her towards that area instead.

“Isn’t this place beautiful, Ellie?!” He reached for his phone in his pocket only to realize that he still didn’t have one. “I mean, it’s not nearly as beautiful as you are though!”

Ellie wasn’t picking up that Mark was trying to be extra nice and complimentative. “Of course I am more beautiful. This place is filthy.” She sneered. That seemed to be her new favorite expression in theme parks. “You have no idea how much unidentifiable bacteria I can see through my scans. Unbelievable.” 

Mark laughed awkwardly and put his arm around her. He wasn’t sure how to respond to something like that. The two of them stood together in silence, watching the people go by. 

Mark noticed one couple not too far from where they were standing. He watched them for a few minutes. They were talking and laughing together until one of them got on one knee to propose. A small crowd formed around them. Eventually the other one smiled and hugged her new fiance with the crowd applauding them. Another minute went by and that area of the square was empty. 

“That was disgusting.” 

Mark was too busy watching the couple to really notice what Ellie was referring to. He assumed it had to have been something else another group of people did while he was distracted.

Mark reached into his pocket to pull out a small black box and held it discreetly behind his back. When Ellie wasn’t looking, he cleared his throat and got down on one knee, opening the box and having it out in front of him. His heart was racing at this point. He wasn’t scared anymore, it was more like adrenaline. He was about to start his mini speech when he was interrupted by Ellie.

“Absolutely disgusting. I do not understand why anyone would propose in public, especially in such a silly theme park. It is obviously only done for unneeded attention.” She was watching the couple walk away, not noticing Mark. “If that was me, I would stab him in a major artery.” 

That last statement Ellie made made Mark almost jump out of his skin. He immediately shot up from being down on one knee and tucked the box back into his pocket. He laughed awkwardly again “OMG right?! Like, hello?! Worst idea ever! Ha ha…” 

“Anyway,” She looked back over to Mark who had a forced grin on his face and was noticeably sweating. “What is wrong with you?” It came out rude but Ellie didn’t mean it that way. 

He scratched the back of his head. “Nothing’s wrong, boo!” He knew that that wasn’t a great lie and Ellie could see right through it. Mark changed the subject before Ellie could push for another explanation. “Hey do you wanna ride something now or what?” He lifted his arm up in an angle, inviting Ellie to lock arms with him.

Ellie smiled and took his arm gratefully. Damn, she missed attention like the little robot hoe she was. “Truthfully, I do not believe I will be much of a fan of rides, but I am willing to do anything as long as it is with you.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	36. The Most Filler Chapter To EVER Exist (part 2)

Boyd looked up at Gyro with a huge smile on his face. They were waiting in line for the People Mover, their first ride, and the little dude was having a freaking blast.

“Can I get a churro after this, Dr. Dad?” 

He frowned, patting his pocket with his left hand like that would magically make money appear. All his money was still on that damn cruise ship. “Hey, Gloria? You still have some of that money from, ya know… the thing you did.” Meaning drug dealing. “Ten dollars at least?” 

Boyd looked at Gloria with puppy eyes. 

She shook her head and frowned. “No, all of that money is gone.”

The look that Boyd made almost killed her. Gloria would rather die than see Boyd be upset. She looked over at the man in front of them in line and discretely took his wallet out of his back pocket.

Gyro’s eyes widened “Gloria!”

She ignored him and only took a ten dollar bill from the wallet before swiftly putting it back in the guy’s pocket. Somehow the man didn’t feel her take his wallet out. Guess he wasn’t packing enough thicc to feel it. Shame.

Gloria smiled and gave the dollar bill to Boyd. “Here ya go!”

“Um….”

Before Boyd could question the morality of that action, they were next in line and the cast member waved for them to get into the next ‘car’. With a worried look, Boyd put the ten dollar bill into his pocket without further question. This was Aunt Gloria after all. He may have just been a kid that didn’t talk that much with his family, but he was observant. He knew what type of person Aunt Gloria was; prison, gangs, what have you. But she was family nonetheless so he took the fact she just stole from a man with a grain of salt. Perhaps he could do a good deed later that day to make up for it. 

Gyro picked up on Boyd debating his own morals as they stepped into the car and sat down and took action in changing the subject. “Well, I have to say, I am mighty excited for finally being able to go on a ride with some peace and quiet. No stress. Just some time to talk as a family and-”

“MOVE!” Glomgold pushed a child out of the way, knocking him into his family. The child began to cry but Glomgold ignored him as he scuttled into Gyro, Gloria, and Boyd’s car on all fours. He growled on the floor like an animal before looking up and realizing who he was with. “Oh...I see…”

He jumped up onto the seat next to Gyro, though it took him a few tries, and made himself comfortable while he began to pick his nose. “It’s just meh stoopid famileh.” 

Boyd put his knees up onto the seat and hugged them. “H-hi Uncle Glomgold.”

“Fuck off, robo-grandson. Let granddaddeh eat his boogers.” He got a big one out and noticed Gloria was staring, directly across from him. “You want some, Gladis?” 

“No, I’m fine.”

The ride didn’t stop and the doors were already closed and locked so there was no way in escaping this nightmare. There was a male voice coming from the seats to introduce Tomorrowland.

“OI!? WHO IS SPEAKING?!”

“It’s just a pre recording coming from a speaker.” Gyro snapped, hoping that would shut him up.

Glomgold glared at the speaker and punched it, to try to get it to stop. It didn’t work. He let out a Scottish grunt and shook his hand in pain. “OW!”

Boyd ignored Glomgold the best he could. It was hard considering Glomgold would keep kicking each of them and spitting at passersbys who were unfortunate enough to be walking below the ride.

The ride continued on as normal. The pre-recording would talk about all of the different attractions inside Tomorrowland and each time it caused Glomgold to punch something. Every time leading to the same result as before. He never learned. And he never fucking would. 

The ride made a slow turn into a white building. There weren’t any windows so it didn’t take long for their surroundings to become pitch black.

Boyd wasn’t expecting that sudden change. He grabbed onto Gloria’s arm just to help remind him that she was still there on the ride with him. He could’ve just turned his night vision on but he chose against it. Boyd wanted to have the full experience that every other definitely real boy would have on the ride.

Gloria patted Boyd’s arm in understanding but the dark tunnel ended soon enough. None of them could see anything at first when the light hit them. It was like they were suddenly being interviewed in a dark room, but slowly their eyes adjusted. Boyd’s being the first.

He looked at the spot where Glomgold resided and screamed.

The man was absent.

Gyro nearly shit himself and jumped at Boyd’s horrified scream before looking to the right, where Glomgold was supposed to be and, sure enough, he was gone. Somewhere in that dark tunnel, he disappeared. Probably crawled off of the ride like an animal to terrify other passengers.

The screams that came from the tunnel behind them was enough to tell the three everything they needed to know. Gyro cringed before turning back to both Gloria and Boyd across from him.

“Um… we’re just going to ignore what happened. Got it?” He crossed his arms. “If cast members come up to us, we have no relation to Glomgold. He’s just a crazy old man that snuck into the park and is stalking us.” 

Boyd nodded and cleared his throat before slowly putting his feet back down. Now that Glomgold was gone, he didn’t have to fear being nibbled on. 

The rest of the ride was very peaceful and Gyro was actually starting to destress. After the People Mover, Boyd got in line to buy himself a churro at the stand at the front of Space Mountain. He ate the entire thing while in line for the ride. Before leaving the Tomorrowland section of the park, the three of them rode Buzz Lightyear’s Astro Blasters. Both Boyd and Gyro were pros at it! Gloria? Not so much. But she had an unfair advantage. Boyd just has great precision as is and Gyro had great practice blasting at aliens from the Moonvasion fiasco.

They left Tomorrowland and headed towards Fantasyland. They hopped from section to section of The Magic Kingdom and hit up the majority of the rides with small churro breaks along the way.

Boyd was a little hesitant to go on The Haunted Mansion, thinking he would get scared, but both Gyro and Gloria assured him that the ride wasn’t scary at all. They were right. Boyd rode in the middle of them in the Doombuggy and had no worries.

A few hours passed and they made a full circle around the park. Since neither Mark nor Ellie had their phones, it was very lucky that Gyro, Gloria, and Boyd ran into them. Boyd saw them first and ran up to give Ellie a big hug, telling her all about the fun things they did.

“I am glad you had fun, Boyd. I did not because I absolutely despise this pathetic and idiotic park.” She smiled. 

Everyone ignored that. 

“They’re three other parks here. Do you guys want to head to another one before we leave? There isn’t much more to do here anymore.” Gloria suggested to the Glomsquad.

“No.”

“Um, YES!” Gyro snapped. “I’m not a fan of parks either but we are getting our money’s worth.”

Okay, yeah, sure. It was Mark’s money, but Gyro grew up to be stingy with money. Whether it was his or not, he wasn’t going to waste it. 

“I’m with Gyro. How often do we get to go to DisneyWorld?! I dunno about you guys but I wanna hit up EPCOT.” Gloria wasn’t going to mention that the reason she suggested EPCOT was because of the Drinking Around the World challenge people do in all of the country pavilions.

Gyro gave her a look because he already knew. Yet, he wasn’t going to say anything. That would be something they dealt with more once they got back to Duckburg is what he had decided on. 

“Epcoooooooooooootttt.” Yes, Mark Beaks was quoting that obscure vine where the guy was daydreaming about the ECPOT ball.

“Okay that’s two for EPCOT.” Gloria made the number two gesture.

Boyd smiled which was an immediate point from him. As for Gyro, he just grunted like an asshole. That was a point from him as well. 

Ellie stood her ground. “No. I do not want to-”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“I do not want to be here.” 

Ellie tried to bring the extra knives she had in the car but they took those too and she was pissed. Now ALL of her knives were gone. It looked like she was going to have to resort to breaking a bathroom mirror again. 

“I don’t either, but do you see me complaining? No. So shut up.” Gyro huffed. “Anyway, I, being the cultured man I am,” He pointed to his chest. “Am going to Japan. Gloria, would you like to join?” 

“No, but I’ll go anyways so I can try their killer mugi!”

“...alright then.” Gyro wasn’t too happy about that, but at least Gloria was coming. Though, he didn’t want Boyd to be around a soon to be wasted Aunt. “Why don’t you spend some time with your mom?” Notice he didn’t include Mark in that as he usually did. 

Boyd didn’t seem to have a problem with it. “Okay!” He immediately turned around and grabbed Ellie’s hand. “Can we please go to the United States of America?” 

She looked down at him, confused. “I do not understand. I thought we were already here.” 

Boyd scrunched up his face in confusion in return before he realized what angle his mom was looking at it. “Oh, haha! No, it’s a part of the park! See?” He held up the map to her. “I’m trying to get my Junior Woodchuck badge in history so I really want to go see The American Adventure!”

“Fine fine fine we can do literally all of that as long as I get to go to Mexico and eat a shit ton of tacooooooooooos! Olay!”

“Mark, that is micro aggression. So please be quiet and respectful or we are not going.” She stated.

That put Mark in his place. “Kay, my b, boo.”

That made Ellie rather content before she turned back to Boyd. “Of course we can go see that. I am interested in history myself so I believe I would enjoy that immensely.”

Mark stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah there’s like, loads of history shit to do here. Pretty lame but whatevs.”

Her face lit up immediately and she grabbed onto Mark’s arm to get his full attention. “Really?! Really really?!” 

Mark had never seen her act so immature and informal before. She was acting like a child whose parents just told her they were getting ice cream. 

Mark shot her a confused look. Why would anyone be that excited about a history lesson from EPCOT? His confusion turned into an eureka moment. If Ellie was this excited about this park, then maybe EPCOT would be the better place for him to propose. He matched her energy. “Yeah! You can learn the history of like, every country that's a pavilion here. Oh! And there’s also an aquarium with information things there too!”

Ellie’s smile didn’t leave her face as she let go of Mark to follow Boyd who was now leading the way like the Junior Woodchuck guide he was. A look crossed Ellie’s face for a moment, similar to an embarrassed one. 

“Apologies. I had forgotten.” She felt pretty stupid for just remembering. Ellie took out a phone and held it out for Mark. “I felt bad about throwing your cellular device out the window so I stole Gyro’s at the ‘Magic Kingdom’ to make up for it. But it left my mind until just now.” 

He gasped and gently took the phone out of Ellie’s hands as if it was a newborn baby. His eyes widened as he began to click through all of Gyro’s apps. Not only did he finally have access to the internet again, but he could also snoop around his phone for some blackmail material. “Thank you, Ellie” He whispered, keeping his eyes glued to the screen. He followed behind Ellie and Boyd while they started walking past the EPCOT ball and towards the country pavilions.

“Do you mind if we stop at that interesting architectural structure?” Ellie pointed to it just as they were passing. She wasn’t asking either one of them in particular, just in general. Mark didn’t respond because he was too busy pressing the phone up to his face like a moth drawn to light. Boyd on the other hand did respond.

“Of course we can, Mom. There is a ride in there too!”

She waved him off. “No no. I just want to admire it.” She clasped her hands together and continued to wear a dumb smile. Man, she was a fucking nerd for this park. Maybe they weren’t all disgusting. “This must be based on Buckminster Fuller’s experiments. I am such a fan of his work as well as geodesic domes.” 

Boyd gasped. “Me too! I read about him in a textbook!” 

Ellie and Boyd continued to chat as Mark stood in the background, taking duck face selfies that may or may not be racist in that universe.

When he felt that he'd taken enough selfies in that particular area of the park he remembered the ring that was still in his pocket. He figured that it was now or never. He replaced holding his new phone with the small box. He held it behind his back again and approached Ellie with it. Mark cleared his throat to get Ellie’s attention.

When Ellie turned around Mark started the speech. “Ellie, queen, you mean so much to me and after everything we’ve been through, well, I think there’s really only one question to ask you now…”

Mark got down on one knee causing Boyd to gasp. He beamed and stepped out of the way, looking back and forth between Mark and Ellie.

Before he could pull the small box out from behind his back, he was immediately pushed over on the ground. Moment ruined.

Mark shot a nasty look in the direction of the person who just shoved him down. His expression turned to that of shock when he realized that it was none other than Glomgold.

“OI! REMEMBER ME, BITCH!?” Glomgold screamed at the poor person in the Mickey Mouse costume. Glomgold jumped on top of Mickey and started to gnaw on the fake ears. The person inside the costume was screaming and trying to pry him off but Glomgold was latched onto him. Glomgold let out a loud Scottish war cry.

Ellie, Boyd and Mark, who just stood up and put the small box back into his pocket watched the scene go down.

Passerbys began screaming as security ran up to help the poor mascot out. It wasn’t going so well and Glomgold was able to morph around their crummy hands as he continued to attack the mouse. His bites were so harsh, the poor person began to feel them through the uniform, especially when Glomgold bit down on the arms.

As funny as it was to see someone in pain, Ellie decided she should probably step in because of how horrified Boyd looked. She sighed and walked over. 

“Uncle Glomgold. Stop.” 

Not even hearing Ellie, Glomgold let out another war cry as he started to tear the costume. He drew blood and everything. 

Ellie was the one to finally grab a hold of him and pull him off.

“Stop acting like a child, Uncle Glomgold! It is just a man in a costume!” 

Glomgold continued to squirm and struggle, biting down on Ellie’s metal arms as “Mickey Mouse” ran away, crying.

“OI! THIS ISN’T THE LAST OF ME, MOUSE BITCH! MEH, FLINTHEART GLOMGOLD, WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” He continued to gnaw on Ellie’s arms, and it hurt like hell but she kept holding him, knowing if she let go he would take off after the “mouse”.

The dude was leaving dents on her arms and everything.

Finally, a security guard approached Ellie. “Ma’am, is that your child?” He pointed to Glomgold who was still thrashing about. 

“Tragically, yes he is with us.” Mark answered for her. He would’ve lied about Glomgold not being in their party but Glomgold would’ve easily blown their cover, making them get in trouble too.

The guard crossed his arms. “Okay, you’re going to have to keep a sharper eye on him or I will be forced to kick all of you out of the park.” He didn’t bother to hear their response. He walked away, tending to the person in the Mickey costume who was now hiding behind a trash can and escorting him away. As soon as they left, the crowd began to disperse as well. Glomgold was still gnawing on Ellie the entire time. There was a lot of saliva dripping down her arm.

“Ugh! We can’t just have you hold him for the rest of the day but we can’t let him loose either!” Mark huffed. He was pretty pissed that his second time attempting his proposal was screwed up. “You’re such the worst, Glom-man.”

“WOT?!”

“You heard me!”

Boyd held his hands up in protest “Please stop fighting! I’m sure we can find a solution here! We just need to think.” He scanned around his surroundings before staring at a nearby gift shop. He pointed to it. “There! Maybe there is something we can find that can help us deal with Uncle Glomgold!” He smiled.

Ellie scanned the store Boyd was pointing too and saw a small child on a Mickey themed leash walk out.

She nodded. “That’ll do.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“こんにちは！今日は元気ですか?” (Hello! How are you today?) Gyro greeted the person at the entrance of the Japanese gift shop.

Gloria rolled her eyes from behind. God. She was dating a weeb. Not being in his room in a while made it easy to forget. Quickly, she made a mental note to never go to Japan with him. 

She simply crossed her arms. “Lady. Where’s the alcohol?”

The Japanese woman gave Gloria a look; as well as Gyro. He covered for her. 

“彼女のことを心配しないでください。彼女は愚かなアメリカ人です.” (Don’t worry about her. She is a stupid American.)

“I see…” The lady smiled, very uncomfortably at that. She ignored everything Gyro had just said. “Please enjoy the gift shop. If you have any questions about our culture, I am here to help!”

“Please. I already know everything.” He scoffed before entering the shop. He stood at the entrance and placed his hands on his hips, taking in a deep breath all cliche like. “This is where I belong, Gloria. This is where I belong.” 

She nodded like she knew what he was talking about. She didn’t. “Alright, while you go weeb out, I guess I’ll just roam around until I find some mugi.”

“They may not have it here. It might be only at the restaurant inside but knock yourself out.” Gyro shrugged. He roamed around the store himself, having a goddamn blast, when he noticed the pearl station. Perfect. 

He walked over and decided to speak in english this time. It was obvious the lady before was a bit disturbed greatly to his offense but whatever. She just didn’t appreciate all his years of cultural and language studies.

“Excuse me, miss?” He asked the woman who was organizing the oysters. “How much would a pearl necklace be?”

“A single pearl on a 14k silver chain is 59.99$.” She stated as cheerfully as she could, since it was Disney, before going back to work.

Damn. Gyro didn’t have money on him to begin with but that was a lot. 

But… what if… ?

He looked around the store, not knowing exactly what he was thinking, and laid eyes on a man wearing a Yale shirt, a wallet sticking out of his back pocket.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria eventually did find some alcohol. There was a small stand at the front left of the pavilion. She ordered herself only one drink, thinking that she will mostly likely go around the rest of the countries later to help herself get wasted. She had to pickpocket the person in front of her in line to pay for it. Once she got her mugi she made her way behind the stand and sat at one of the red tables overlooking the small garden and koi pond. There was traditional Japanese music playing from the speakers tucked away in the bushes. Gloria figured that whenever Gyro was done in the gift shop, he would eventually make his way over to where she was sitting.

Speak of the devil.

“Hey, Gloria.” He sat down beside her and smiled. It was clear he was very distressed. 

Gloria smiled back “Hey! You want some?” She held her drink out to him, clearly seeing that he looked a bit uneasy. But seriously, when is he ever not distressed?

“...Yeah.” He swigged down the entire thing and handed it back to her. 

She put the now empty cup on the table and gave him a confused look. She has never seen him drink alcohol that quickly. “You alright there, Gyro?”

“NO!”

Gloria flinched back at his sudden scream. A few people stared before continuing on their way.

There were a few moments of silence before he put his face in his hands and began to sob weakly.

She frowned and rubbed his back while he continued to cry. “Is this about the gang thing? Because we are totally safe here. Remember all of the security we had to go through? Even if they knew we were here there would be no way they could get in and hurt us. I promise.”

He shook his head for a moment and then stopped. “I mean… yes, I’m still worried- no, terrified about them. But that’s not why I’m upset. I’m a villain, Gloria. All this gang stuff we’ve been going through has changed me and that gas station fiasco was the final straw. And now I’m going to keep doing terrible things with no control! I’m going to end up in prison and then one day I’ll be in the showers and drop the soap!” 

Gloria would’ve laughed at that last part but now wasn’t the time. “I don’t think you’re a villain, Gyro. You did what you had to do just to survive! We all did. Yeah it sucks. I don’t think anyone in our squad has been enjoying all the crimes that we had to commit but we didn’t have much of a choice. Plus Scrooge is hella rich and can just bail you out.”

Gyro would have laughed at that too. There was no way in hell Scrooge would bail them out.

“No.” He sobbed. After a few more minutes, he wiped his eyes and looked at her. His voice turned into a whisper as he spoke up. “I-I stole from someone, Gloria. Like you did earlier.” 

Gloria gave him a surprised look. She didn’t think he had it in him to be honest. “Woah really? What did you steal?”

He took out a wallet with the Yale logo on it and threw it on her lap. Gloria opened it and her eyes widened. The dude he stole from was loaded. She didn’t count but there had to have been a few thousand in change alone. 

She held up the wallet. “You stole all of this?! On your first try?! I’m very impressed!”

Gyro was not amused. “Okay okay, I know you hate it but you should at least take some pride in this! And hey, think of this way, we can use the money to help us get back home so you can get back to making inventions that would help people. Inventions that Mr. Yale here would probably really appreciate.”

“Well, ‘Mr.Yale’, is ten times the man I’ll ever be.” He sniffled. Gyro was right too, Mr. Yale probably never sniffled like a baby. He sighed before taking out a silver necklace with a real pearl and handed it to Gloria. “Here you go…” 

Her eyes widened again. She rolled the pearl around in her finger, noticing that it was real. “Holy shit Gyro, you stole this too?! God, this thing is real! Is this for me?” She had about a million more questions for him. Stealing a wallet is one thing. I mean, she did it twice in one day, no big deal, but a very expensive necklace?!

“No no. I stole the wallet for the necklace… so yeah…” He sighed. “I wanted to get you a necklace and what did I do? Add more stuff to my felony checklist!” Gyro threw his hands up in the sky like he was praying to Duck Jesus as he yelled before he calmed down and slumped over again. 

“Technically stealing isn’t a felony but whatever…” Again, now wasn’t the time. “Seriously, Gyro, what’s been going on with you recently? I know we’ve been through some crazy shit in the past month alone, and with everything that happened earlier in the year, and with you working for Scrooge, aren’t you used to this by now? You just seemed more stressed and anxious than usual.”

“This situation,” Meaning the entire month “has been different than any other ‘crazy shit’ I’ve been in with Scrooge. I-I’ve been actually doing illegal crimes rather than running away from them! In the past month alone, I have murdered gang members, took part in ‘trading drugs’, and blew up a gas station with innocent people inside! I’m the villain now! We may be being hunted down by gang members but I deserve it. And if they don’t get me, I may as well just turn myself in to the police. But not the Floridian police apparently!” He put his head in his hands again. “God, Gloria. We’re the bad guys. Can’t you see that?” 

Gloria would’ve offered for him to talk to Miss Kris but she may be required by law to report to the authorities if any of her patients commit serious charges like murder. She sighed “I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of everything we’ve been doing either… but you have to remember our reasoning, Gyro. The gas station situation? It was either them or us and they didn’t even die! So if they didn’t die from the fire, then I’m sure that the other family inside made it out safe as well. And Axel with all of his buddies? They kidnapped both me and Boyd, your son, and threatened to kill us. Seems more of what a hero would do in that situation if you ask me.” She paused for a moment “You’re not a “villain”, Gyro, nor are you a bad person. As soon as we get back to Duckburg everything will go back to normal and we can try to forget about everything that happened here.”

“I guess… but I still changed as a person and I’m afraid it’ll just get worse or… something…” He paused for a moment. “If we went that extreme before, who knows how extreme we’ll be able to go in the future. Scrooge never did such a thing.” He didn’t let Gloria respond to that, instead, he stood up and brushed off his dad shorts. “Anyway, I’m going to get another drink. I’ll get you one too. And I hope you like your necklace…” He trailed off before walking away. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	37. Timeskips and T-Bag

“Goddamnit!”

T-bag slammed his beer down onto the table, what was left over now leaked out from the cracked bottom.

“We’re never going to find those bastards!” He chuckled to himself, though he clearly wasn’t pleased as he waved for another beer to be handed to him as a waiter walked by. “And you want to know the best part? I’ve been doing research on those fuckers, yeah, and it seems they get out of every single FUCKING situation imaginable. Agartha, Camp Godgold, Steelbeak, multiple other gangs… it’s like they have plot protection or something!” 

“...what is that?”

“Shut the FUCK up, Dingles!”

Dingles flinched back and held his beer close to his chest like it was a newborn child. “S-sorry…?” 

T-bag ignored him before pulling out a cigarette. Smoking was the only thing that could calm him down. “Okay, not only do we need to find their location, but we also need to come up with a better plan. We can’t just be a normal threat to them. We have to be something more.” 

“W-well…” Vic started wringing his hands together. “Do you have any ideas, sir?”

“Why the hell do you think I’m asking you assholes?!” 

Vic nodded vigorously before shutting the hell up. But that only made T-bag slam his fist on the table. He didn’t want silence. He wanted a plan. 

“Ideas! Spit them out!” 

Tina giggled, aggravatingly so, but T-bag didn’t punch her because that was his gal. “Chill, babe! We’ll come up with something.” She began to trace the rim of her glass and leaned forward so her voice echoed around the group. “The girl with the glasses that we all hate the most. What’s her name? Gladis? Whatever. She’s kinda hot so I say we sell her off.” 

Before anyone could respond to that, she continued. 

“You know the Mafia guy, Freddoccino? He’s been looking for a wife.” 

That seemed to please T-bag. “Now we’re talking! And we can rough her up a bit beforehand too, maybe chop off a finger! Alright alright!” T-bag took out his phone and clicked open the notes to start writing this shit down. “More ideas. We still got Bitch Billionaire, Robo Freak, and Chicken Dweeb.” He paused. “Oh yeah, and that kid.” 

Dingles raised a hand but immediately started talking. Aka he did that thing that pisses every elementary school teacher off. “...okay so like, Chicken Dweeb is the driver, right?”

T-bag didn’t answer because he had said that fifty times throughout that day alone.

“Is that a yes?”

Still no answer.

“Um… okay? Well, like, if he is the driver we could totally put a bomb in… hold up what’s it called?” Dingles took out his phone to look something up. It took him a good minute and everyone had to sit in silence to just stare at him. “The ignition! So when he starts the car, BOOM!”

“Hmmm…” T-bag looked over at Vic. “You’re good at making bombs, right, Vicky?” 

Vic, again, vigorously nodded.

“Alright. You’re in charge of that.” He added that to his Waddle phone notes. “What else we got for Bitch Billionaire and the Robo Freaks?” 

When no one answered he gave his own idea for what should be done with Ellie and Boyd. “Ya know, they were the pricks who fucked up our bikes…” T-Bag continued “I say we kidnap the robots and slowly dismember them and use their parts for our new bikes. Gotta keep them alive though. We can’t have them dying off too quickly.” He gave a very disturbing smile as we typed his idea into his phone. “Alright, so now we need a plan for Bitch Billionaire.”

Surprisingly, it was Vic this time to speak up. “Maybe…” He whispered.

Everyone leaned in forward, desperate to hear what the man who barely spoke had to say.

“Maybe we can… destroy his phone?” 

The table was silent for a moment. 

“Destroy…” Dingles needed a moment before continuing. “Mark Beak’s phone?” 

Vic gulped. “Y-yeah…?”

Crossing her arms, Tina raised both of her brows. “...You want to destroy his phone? That’s your genius idea?” 

This time he slowly nodded. 

More moments of silence passed by before Tina, T-bag and Dingles broke out into laughter. Tina was the loudest, slamming her fist on the table over and over again, wheezing. T-bag even spilled most of his beer onto the table again.

Vic started wringing his hands faster. “U-um… is that not- is that not a good idea?”

“No no.” T-bag wiped a fake tear from his eye and took a heavy breath to calm down. He laid a hand over his chest as well. “That plan is SICK!” 

“Yeah Vic, holy cow.” Tina added. “I didn’t know you were so fucked up! Guess it’s a reminder of why a twink like you is in the gang!”

Dingles started clapping before the other two joined in.

That brought a big old smile to Vic’s face and he held up a hand. “I know, I know guys. Thanks.” 

“Okay! So we got a game plan!” T-bag held up his phone so everyone could see his notes. “Tina, you’re in charge of the Robo Freaks, Dingles is in charge of Billionaire Bitch, Vic, you got Chicken Dweeb, and me… I get the best for last; Gladis.”

Dingles raised his hand and spoke without being called on again. “Wait. How are we supposed to find them. We-” He got cut off when his phone dinged. “Hey! Mark finally updated his Twitter! Man, I’ve been wanting an update on his love life for so long!” With eyes glued to the screen, Dingles started scrolling like a madman, reading every single tweet. And there was a lot. 

“Give me that!” T-bag snatched the phone from Dingles to see what he was talking about. He scrolled back up to his most recent post. It was a photo of him and Ellie in front of a ‘The city of Savannah welcomes you’ sign in the background. T-bag laughed and tossed the phone back to Dingles. Dingles sadly did not catch it.“These guys are idiots! Billionaire Bitch just told the whole world where he is right now! They’re in Savannah. That’s only a few hours away from here!”

“Wait wait, hold on!” Tina began to wave her arms to get everyone’s attention. “What about that other guy who's with ‘em? The fat one.” 

“...shit.” T-bag knew the guy he was talking about. The one who knocked them all out. Glomgold. “Okay. We’ll just avoid him at all costs. Now, let’s finish up our drinks and head out.”

“What about our bikes?”

T-bag pointed to an amateur gang from across the bar. “We’ll take theirs.”

Everyone was about to stand up when C-note interrupted.

“Um, guys? I’ve been sitting here the whole time and no one has either heard me or responded to me. What the hell am I supposed to do?”

T-bag blinked and stared at C-note for a second. “Oh yeah… I forgot you were here too. Um, you can just be like, backup help.”

“Wow… I’m so fucking honored.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The gang had left Disney and had been driving for what seemed like eight hours. Everyone had stopped paying attention to the time at a certain point.

Gyro pulled into ThunderBird Inn, some shitty motel parking lot, for a breather. They weren’t staying there, he just needed a moment. He did a praying gesture before leaning his back against the car. 

The rest of the gang got out to stretch too, including Glomgold who ran over to a bush to urinate within it. He still had a child leash on that Ellie had gotten him at Disney, but she wasn’t holding it so it just dragged along behind him. Hopefully he didn’t pee on it too. 

“Mark…” Gyro breathed out as calmly as he could. “Please explain to me why you not only have my phone but you led us to Savannah Fucking Georgia?! You know, the complete opposite direction of where we are supposed to be heading!” 

“Ummm one, because Ellie gave me your phone so now it’s mine and two, idk what you’re talking about because my map clearly says that we are going in the right direction!”

Gyro ignored the fact Ellie had stolen his phone and leaned in to look at the map Mark was pointing at. Yes they were going in the right direction because they weren’t heading to Duckburg. “Mark! You typed in Savannah Georgia! WHY?!” 

“Hey! It’s not my fault! It’s your stupid phone that lead us here!”

Gyro punched Sadie and his nerd strength left a tiny dent. “ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS TYPE IN DUCKBURG, CALIFORNIA! THAT’S IT! A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PLACE FROM SAVANNAH!” He moved to dig a finger into Mark’s chest. “AND YOU WERE LOOKING AT THE MAP THE ENTIRE TIME THAT WAS LEADING US NORTH NOT WEST!” 

Everyone looked at Mark for an answer because no one knew how he could mess up that badly. 

Mark held his hands up like he was surrendering “Okay okayyyyyy I’ll admit it! I purposely had us come here because LOOK HOW FREAKING LIT THIS PLACE IS! Totally Instagram worthy! What with all of the trees and spanish moss and weird art students walking around! This place is great!”

“WE’RE IN A MOTEL PARKING LOT!” Gyro protested. With that he stormed off to huff over by the bush Glomgold was in. 

Mark started texting on his phone again when Gyro stormed away. He looked up at everyone again “Alright since nothing is happening here, Ellie, Boyd and I are gonna go walk around and take loads of pictures! K byeeeeeeee!” He sang as he and Ellie, who took Boyd’s hand, started to walk away. Mark stopped in his tracks and turned around to say one last thing. “Ohhhh alsooooo I already booked myself a fancy ass hotel room for the night and you losers aren’t invited so yeah! Laterzzzzzz Beaks Out!”

The three of them walked in the direction of Forsyth Park. Mark already did some research about this city before they came here so he already knew the best places to take selfies. Boyd waved happily goodbye to his aunt and Dr. Dad.

“...not like that’s a problem anyway. I have plenty of money for a hotel for the night.” Gyro murmured under his breath. No one could hear him but Glomgold who he had forgotten was peeing in the bushes. 

Glomgold scattered out quickly, with his child leash, and ran back into the van. The door slammed behind him.

Gyro was too distressed to even notice and simply just stuffed his hands into his dad shorts pockets, covering Glomgold’s pee puddle with some dirt while he moped. 

Gloria made her way over to where Gyro was sitting. “Well, I guess we should probably find a place to stay as well.” She looked over at the motel they were parked in “We could just stay here. That way you won’t have to drive anymore and we will have time to walk around the city too.” This place was heaven for Gloria. She noticed ten different local bars while looking out the window and they just got here!

He sighed and finally looked over at her. “Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” He looked over at the vacant sign. “But why pay when I continue on my cime streak?! Let’s just kill some people and take their rooms!” He shouted. He clearly wasn’t serious but he was just as upset as he was yesterday at Disney as he sat on the curb bordering the parking lot. “I’ll get you a motel room and then I’m going to go and turn myself into the local police. We aren’t in Florida anymore so I’m sure they’ll arrest me.” 

Gloria put her hands on her hips. “Gyro, I love you, but you gotta stop being such a drama queen over this! I have done plenty of crimes in my day and at a certain point you just get used to it! Look, I know you’re upset but you’re not going to turn yourself into the police. We are just going to stay here for the night here and get back on the road tomorrow.”

That didn’t make Gyro feel better at all. It only made him feel worse. He was dating a criminal after all so Gloria couldn’t be turned to for lawful advice. He loved Gloria, but her past was anything but clean. He stayed silent for a minute before standing up. “Okay.” There wasn’t much else he could think of to say. “I’ll just try to forget about it. I’ll get us a motel room.” 

He walked towards the entrance with Gloria when a sudden motel door swung open, almost knocking them over. 

“OW!” 

The door didn’t even hit Gyro but he screamed it on instinct like the wimp he was. 

He shot the man walking out a look. He looked like a classic drunk nobody, white stained shirt, five o clock shadow, beer belly, and heavy bags under his eyes while he held a beer. He was bidding what could be assumed to be a hooker goodbye. 

“Hey, watch where you’re fucking going, man! You almost hit us!”

The man shot Gloria a glare. The whites of his eyes were a light red, clearly from drugs. “Watch who you’re talking to, whore! You were the one who decided to walk in front of my goddamn door!”

Gyro’s throat went dry as he studied the man and then it dawned on him. “...Dad?” 

He turned to direct his glare at Gyro “What the fuck did you call me?”

“Um…” It was tempting to avoid contact, but Gyro kept his ground. “It's me, Gyro. You know, your son.”

Gloria gave Gyro a confused look. She looked back and forth between both of their faces and there wasn’t much resemblance. What the hell was this? An episode of Maury?! Well okay… The one big resemblance being that they were both chickens. Wait, was that racist to think? Whatever.

“Are you going to say something or should I just leave like I did all those years ago?” Gyro snapped. 

The man looked over and pointed in the direction that his hooker just left in. “You just interrupted me in the middle of something.” That wasn’t the answer that Gyro wanted but it’s what he got.

Gloria couldn’t help but smirk “Like father like son, am I right?” She nudged Gyro’s side with her elbow. She knew it was a very inappropriate time to make a joke like that but she couldn’t help it! Obviously Gloria knew the difference between a stripper and a hooker but who cares. She thought her joke was hilarious nonetheless.

Gyro ignored her. “That’s it?! That’s all you have to say?! God! You’re such an asshole!” He didn’t even question why his father was with a hooker. His mom being cheated was nothing new. Even she was aware. “Well, it’s good to see you too.” Gyro didn’t want anymore of this and grabbed Gloria’s hand to turn around. “C’mon, let’s just go to another motel.” 

“You two need a place to stay?”

Gyro stopped to look back at his dad. “No. No we don’t. Thank you very much.” He spat. 

Gyro’s father held his hand out to motion him to stop. “Alright alright I’ll admit that wasn’t the best first impression after not seeing you for so many years…” He cleared his throat “Look, I know you don’t live ‘round here so clearly you do need a place to stay. I retired to Savannah a couple years back so let me make it up to ya by letting you two stay at my place for a night.”

Gyro looked over at Gloria like she would have some godly advice. Maybe she would be able to tell if he was trustworthy. It was a stupid thought, but that’s what Gyro hoped. 

The response he got from Gloria was a shrug. Great.

He sighed and looked back at his dad. “Fine.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“This is absolutely stunning.”

Mark thought Ellie was talking about the fountain until she continued.

“There are over 9000 bodies buried in the historic district alone. And that does not include the unmarked burials and supposed mass grave underneath the fire station.” She looked over at Mark and continued on the subject of the mass grave. “Apparently there were roughly 700 bodies thrown into a large pit during the Yellow Fever.” 

Boyd was spared from the lecture of death because he was busy petting a nearby dog. Turns out Savannah was a very dog friendly city and he was overjoyed. He decided he would ask for a pet once they got back to Duckburg. 

Mark hopped from one foot to the next as if he was walking on hot sand. He looked down at the ground “Ewwwwwwww what?! Gross! Dead people and sickness! Totes not gram material! Why do dead people ruin everything?!”

Ellie ignored whatever the hell he was going on about. “I like this city. A lovely choice on your half despite you leading us in the completely wrong direction.” 

He looked up at her and stopped dancing or squatting or whatever the hell he was doing at that point. “Wait, so you like it here?!”

“Yes. Very much so.” She began to look around more. “It is very beautiful as well.” 

He nodded in response. “Cool cool.” Alright. Disney being the place where he proposed was a flop. It was a no brainer that Ellie enjoyed Savannah much more than DisneyWorld so Mark used that to his advantage. He took out the small ring box from his back pocket again and cleared his throat. “Ellie,” He started. He had a speech but at this point he wanted to propose fast just in case there would be any sort of interruptions that would cause him not to finish. He slowly got down on one knee, not breaking eye contact with her. “Will you-”

“Hi-ya Miss!” Some guy with a stack of pamphlets at hand shoved Mark out of the way to speak with Ellie. “I couldn’t help but overhear your love for all things dead! Well, ma’am, you’ve come to the right city! Savannah is the oldest city in Georgia and I can assure you that it’s old history is chalked full with murder stories, disease, unmarked burials, and haunted buildings! You can learn more about our haunted history on a Ghost Tour!” The young man handed Ellie one of his pamphlets. She glanced down at the advertisement before back up at the man. “There are Ghost Tours happening every night so be sure to stop by one of our information booths to sign up!” He tipped his hat. “Have a great rest of your day, ma’am!”

The man accidentally stepped on Mark’s hand while he left to go pester other people with his flyers. Mark huffed and stood up.

“God damnit! Everytime!” He felt like the moment passed yet again. Hopefully he could try to propose again before they had to leave Savannah.

“Hmmm,” Ellie had completely forgotten about whatever the hell Mark was going to talk to her about while she studied the pamphlet. “The belief of the paranormal and the afterlife is completely idiotic but I do enjoy history and death.” That was enough to get her to go. But she settled on asking instead of demanding this time around. Mark was being nicer to her so she had to be nicer to him as well in return. It was the polite and organic thing to do. “Would you like to go? I am sure Boyd would love to hear ghost stories to tell his friend.” She was referring to Huey, she just never bothered to learn his name after all this time. 

Mark sighed. A ghost tour at night wasn’t exactly the best place to get some sweet shots for the gram but what else was he going to do? He could just go and post twitter updates at the same time. “Yeah, whatevs. I’ll come, too.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	38. The Endangerment

“So, uhhhhhh, you want coffee or some shit?”

Gyro’s father, who Gloria learned who’s name was Jim, asked while sitting across from her with a black coffee of his own. 

They were sitting at a small foldable wooden table. Most of his furniture was foldable because not only was he broke, from what Gloria assumed was because of prostitutes and alcohol, but his house was just shit in general. There was trash and unidentifiable stains everywhere that complimented the peeling wallpaper. And to be honest, she saw a few roaches the night prior and wouldn’t be surprised if there was an infestation.

She had no idea why Gyro accepted his dad’s offer. She knew he wanted to attempt to reconnect but the way he spoke to them at first was an immediate red flag, yet she didn’t have the heart to tell Gyro it was a bad idea. She figured maybe she was wrong. So far it looked like she wasn’t. 

“Uh, sure. Thanks.”

He nodded and got up from his chair to pour her a mug. “...You want any milk or sugar?” 

“Sugar is fine.”

“Alright.” He gave her a Jimmy Buffett mug, looked like he was a fan himself, and passed over the container that held the sugar with a tiny antique spoon in it. That was the end of the conversation for a while, the only sound being the small television on the counter, that was very poor quality with horrible audio. 

Gloria really regretted coming down now. All she wanted was to grab a beer and sneak back into the ‘man cave’ that was being used as a guest room. Aka they were sleeping on a fold out couch. 

Jim cleared his throat. “How’d you meet him?” 

“I was looking for an internship and he gave me a job.”

“Dating your boss?” Jim took a swig of his coffee like it was alcohol. The fact he was acting all high and mighty like he had morals only pissed Gloria off more. “What do you do? I’m guessing you guys are in the science industry?”

“Yeah Gyro and I work for Scrooge McDuck. We basically just build him shit.”

“Huh. Scrooge McDuck.” Jim didn’t sound amused or impressed, but he painfully kept the conversation going. “What brought you to Savannah?” 

“Ummm we are kind of on this long road trip on the way back to California. We made a detour.”

Jim had finished his coffee so now he was just tapping the side of his mug, debating if he should get up to grab another. “You guys live in California?” 

“Yeah. Duckburg, California.”

“That’s an expensive city.” 

“Yep and there’s a drought every year.”

“I moved down here to Savannah as a sort of getaway after my wife died. I really like it so far.” He decided to grab himself a cup of coffee while he talked about his wife dying. He didn’t even seem fazed. “It was the perfect oppurtunity for me to finally move after years of her refusing. It’s real pretty down here, my only complaint is the local art students. They ruin a lot of it.” 

Gloria stopped drinking her coffee a long time ago. That shit wasn’t any good. She glared at him “Wait, so Gyro’s mom passed away? When? Does he know?!” Gloria felt like the answer was going to be ‘no’ but she had to hear it from Jim.

Jim shrugged. “Died a few years back from lung cancer.” He sat back down with his new cup of joe. “Nah. He doesn’t know. Never called and asked how she was doing.” 

“Well you could’ve been the one to reach out and tell him.” She spat.

That didn’t sit well with him, the way Gloria spoke. He glared back. “This is my house, babe. Watch your attitude. My family, my business.” 

“If family is your business then why did you not even bother to call your own son to let him know that his mom died?!”

The only answer he gave was another shrug. That was it, and then he turned his attention to the local news. 

A few minutes of tense silence passed before Gyro walked in, finally having woken up. He clearly was nervous and regretted staying with his father as much as Gloria regretted telling him to not do so. 

He sat down at the table. “...goodmorning.” Gyro was saying that more toward Gloria and not his dad. 

His dad looked over at him and nodded. “You can grab whatever from the fridge if you’re hungry.” 

“Okay…” Gyro did get up to grab a cup of coffee, but he didn’t bother to look at what food his father had. He would take Gloria out for breakfast soon and that was that. Whatever attempt he was trying to make of reconnecting with his father was already a failed mission. 

Gloria looked over at Jim and sure enough he was still watching the TV, not paying either of them any mind. She looked back at Gyro and gave him a very serious look and whispered so Jim wouldn’t be able to hear. “Gyro, I think we need to leave.”

He didn’t question why, he figured it was because Gloria knew his dad hadn’t changed. Gyro nodded. “Alright,” He spoke at a normal volume. “But I want to see my mom before we leave, okay?” 

Gloria froze. She knew that if Jim wasn’t going to say anything now then she would have to be the one to break the news to him. 

Jim heard what Gyro said. He took a long sip of his coffee before answering him. “Your mom is dead. She died a few years back from lung cancer.” He sipped his coffee again and said all of what he wanted to say on the subject without breaking his focus on the TV.

Gyro sat silent for a few moments, he glanced at Gloria, not bothering to analyze her expression, and then focused on his dad who still wasn’t giving him the time of day to look him in the eye. “...what?” His voice was husked. 

His father ignored him and just kept watching the commercials that were now on.

Gloria watched Gyro carefully and grabbed his hand from across the table. She was at a loss for words. She wanted to tell him again that they should just leave and she could do her best to explain what little Jim told her about it later.

Gyro tore his hand away from her before slamming his hands on the cheap table and standing up. The thin wood bent a little under his weight. “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?!” 

He finally grabbed the remote to turn the TV off, shooting Gyro a glare. “It’s what I just got through telling your bitch, you never bothered to call and ask.”

His beak remained open in shock before his eyebrows furrowed. He wasn’t sad yet, that would hit him later. For now it was pure rage. “WHY WOULD I CALL AND ASK IF MY MOM WAS DEAD?! YOU ASSHOLE!” 

Jim matched Gyro’s anger. “HEY! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT LEFT, REMEMBER?! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT STOPPED BEING IN CONTACT WITH US! YOU CLEARLY DIDN’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY SO WHY WOULD I HAVE GONE OUT OF MY WAY TO TELL YOU THAT SHE DIED!?”

“OF COURSE I CARE FOR MY FAMILY! I ALWAYS DID! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DOESN’T! WHY ELSE WOULD YOU HAVE BEAT ME AND MOM, HUH?! I LEFT BECAUSE OF YOU! YOU’RE TO BLAME!” He screamed. Jim wasn’t standing up yet but Gyro was closing in on him. “LOOK AT YOU!” He waved his arms at his father “AFTER ALL THESE YEARS, YOU’RE STILL A DEADBEAT ASSHOLE! I BET YOU WERE RELIEVED WHEN SHE DIED, WEREN’T YOU?! YOU COULD FINALLY JUST KICK BACK AND RELAX! IT WAS ONE LESS PERSON TO TORTURE! I BET MAKING PEOPLE’S LIVES MISERABLE GETS TIRING!”

“ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, GYRO?! I INVITE YOU INTO MY HOUSE AND YOU’RE BITCHING AT ME?!” Jim stood up from his chair and threw the remote across the room in a fit of rage. It caused a small dent in the wall, similar to other ones scattered throughout the house. “YOU WERE ALWAYS THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE FAMILY AND I WAS SO FUCKING RELIEVED WHEN YOU FINALLY LEFT!” He pointed a finger at Gyro’s chest “YOU WERE A FUCKING DISAPPOINTMENT THEN AND YOU STILL ARE NOW! GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

“I’M THE DISAPPOINTMENT?!” Gyro laughed, but it was clearly pained. He was tearing up. “I’M SCROOGE MCDUCK’S NUMBER 1 SCIENTIEST? AND WHAT ARE YOU? SOME LOWLIFE WHO HOOKS UP WITH PROSTITUTES AND GETS HIGH! NOTHING ELSE!” It was a bold move, but Gyro shoved his dad back. The look he got in return was enough to send him running for the hills if he was in the right state of mind. “THAT’S RIGHT! GO AHEAD AND BEAT UP YOUR BISEXUAL SON AGAIN!” 

Gloria noticed that this argument wasn’t going to end well. Most likely for Gyro. She got up from her chair and ran in front of the two of them to help split them apart.

Jim didn’t waste any time in preparing to give Gyro a beating of a lifetime again. He aimed his first punch at Gyro’s stomach but it was blocked by Gloria who stepped in between them. Jim hit her on her side, causing her to fall to her knees from the impact. It was definitely going to leave a large bruise. 

The room went a deathly silent. Gyro didn’t even move as he looked down at Gloria and then back at his dad. “I know you did not just do that.” He knelt down to Gloria’s level, afraid to touch her. She wasn’t making eye contact with him. Gyro looked back up at his dad, fully crying now. He grit his teeth. “I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST DO THAT!” 

“That stupid bitch got in my way!” Jim shook his hand from his wrist as a means to shake off the pain from just punching her.

Gloria put both of her hands on her side where she was hit. Her voice was shaky. “Gyro, I’m fine. Let’s just go.”

Gyro ignored her, his mind going a mile a minute. “WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?!” 

The kitchen surrounding them had stacks upon stacks of dirty dishes, and an old rusted steak knife was close by. It must’ve been sitting there for years based on how it looked, though it must’ve only been a few months. Gyro took note of it as he waited for his father’s response. 

“I CALLED HER A BITCH AND YOU BETTER FUCKING LISTEN TO HER IF YOU KNOW WHATS GOOD FOR YOU!” Jim cracked his knuckles as a warning.

Without another thought, Gyro grabbed the nearby knife. There was no hesitation as he drove it straight into his father’s chest. His shaking hands remained on the handle as he looked his dad in the eye, the knife still digging into him. 

Jim froze in place, looking down at his chest before back up at Gyro. He was able to huff out a forced sarcastic laugh “I guess it won’t be long until I see your whore mom in hell, you fucking faggot.” He tried to laugh again but it only came out as coughs due to all of the blood that was coming up.

Gyro’s eyes narrowed as he ripped out the knife. He thought back to all the times Ellie had killed and drew the knife into the side of his father’s throat before ripping that out too. 

Blood splattered on him as he stumbled backward, almost tripping over Gloria. Jim grabbed his neck before collapsing on the floor. He didn’t last long and Gyro watched him with bated breath as Jim drew his last. 

He dropped the knife into the pool of blood he stood in, and stared blankly at the body. It quickly morphed into one of horror as he stood frozen in place. 

Gloria picked herself up from the floor, still holding onto her side. She kept her focus on the back of Gyro’s head and not Jim’s body that was still bleeding out. “Gyro?...” She trailed off. There were also a lot of thoughts racing through her mind and she had no idea what to say or do next.

His fists clenched up at the sound of her voice. “We need to go.” He whispered. “We clean off ourselves in the restroom and then we hit the road. You get a hold of Ellie; we’ll pick them up.”

She nodded and walked back into the room where they were staying to grab her phone and contact Ellie. She texted Ellie a short but urgent message as well as Jim’s address. After Gloria did that she began stuffing both her and Gyro’s clothes into her bag. She made sure to scan around the house one last time to see if there was anything worth stealing before hitting the road. Her phone buzzed, letting her know that Ellie, Mark, and Boyd were on the way. She sent her another text saying that Mark should be the one to drive us out of here given that Gyro isn’t mentally doing okay. 

They each only had one other Jimmy Buffett outfit to change into but it was good enough for now. Gyro grabbed the wallet he had stolen at EPCOT and bounced the hell out of the house with Gloria. He didn’t care about hiding the evidence. They were already on the run; it wouldn’t make a difference if the cops were on their tail now too. He started patting his shorts for the car keys. “...shit shit shit!” He looked back at the house behind them. “Fuck. I’m going to have to run back in and look for the keys. You wait here.”

Before Gyro could even move an inch, Sadie burst into flames before their eyes. Gloria screamed and jumped back as a wave of heat hit her. The fire from the explosion moved over to the house quickly and from the flames and remains of the car scuttled out Glomgold, covered in soot.

“OI! WHO WOKE ME UP FROM MEH NAP?!” 

Vic, from a distance, put down his binoculars. “...oh goodness.” 

T-bag was sitting beside Vic from behind a bush and ready to beat the shit out him. “You fucking idiot! Chicken Dweeb wasn’t even in the car! God! And of course the fat one makes it out safe! Don’t you see that as long as he’s still alive, he is able to take us down! God damnit, Vic!”

“S-sorry! I had no idea the fat one was with them!” Vic, still on his stomach, scooted away like that would save him from a beating. “C-chicken Dweeb was supposed to turn the ignition but he must’ve d-done it somehow!” He pointed over to the soot covered Glomgold. 

T-bag grit his teeth and was about to say something else when T-bag interrupted.

“I- I promise I’ll make sure he isn’t with them next time!” 

“There won’t be a next time!” T-bag slammed his fist on the dirt. 

Vic nearly shit himself, thinking that was his death sentence, but was relieved when T-bag continued.

“No more waiting around for him to die, you kidnap him tonight.”

Okay, Vic wasn’t relieved anymore. Kidnapping wasn’t really his thing but he gulped before nodding anyway. “Y-yes, sir.”

“I can kidnap him if you want me to instead. I mean, I do have more muscle and shit.” 

Oh yeah, C-note was there too. 

T-bag rolled his eyes. “Shut up C-note, you’re just the side character the authors forgot about and had to go back and add you into the past few chapters last minute.”

“...oh.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ten minutes before, ya know, Gyro’s felony. 

It may have been only eight in the morning, but Boyd was eager to go out and about so going out is what they did, much to Mark’s displeasure. But he wasn’t going to lie, Funky Brunch was a killer breakfast place and he got some good ass pictures for his instagram. That was about it though. The cemetery they were in had shit connection.

Yes, they were in a cemetery. Colonial Park Cemetery. 

To be fair, a lot of places were still closed with it being so early and Boyd didn’t want to go back to the hotel room, so cemetery it was. And yes, it was Ellie’s idea. There was no one there which made it great in Ellie’s eyes. And Mark could get some ‘okay’ selfies. He figured he could try to pass himself off as someone who was into historical sites on twitter. That or a really weird goth phase.

“You know,” Ellie started as they were walking. Yeah, she was going to go on some sort of fun fact rant again. “Cemeteries used to be popular socialization areas in the 1800s and prior. They were treated as parks where organics would host parties, flea markets, have picnics, and so forth. Then, with the growth of technology, cemeteries were visited less frequently before they became dull and abandoned as they are today.” 

Mark didn’t say anything because he wasn’t paying attention, but Boyd was. 

“That’s really cool! I feel kind of bad though, maybe the people get lonely.” 

Damn. That conversation got dark pretty quickly. 

Ellie laughed. “No worries. Their bodies are decomposed and they can feel no emotions.” 

Boyd didn’t know what to say to that, but he was quickly distracted by pretty flowers so he wasn’t freaked out for too long. “Oh wow! I’m going to go identify them and write it down in my Junior Woodchuck Guidebook! I’ll be right back!” He ran off, though it was only a good fifty feet away. 

“Yo, before we go on that ghost tour thingy, I wanna get Leopold’s!”

Ellie’s attention was drawn from reading the headstone to searching her data. “The ice cream parlor? I am sure Boyd would love to go there after lunch.” That’s all she said before turning back to the headstone. Man, all the guys married girls who were fourteen and shit. Good thing they were dead. That shit nasty. 

She quickly moved on to another fun fact. “This cemetery used to be a lot larger, but they destroyed some of it to make way for the road.” She pointed to the street. “That is why there are large dented areas on the brick sidewalk. It is because the caskets underneath have collapsed.” Ellie was having a fucking blast. “You can see the outline of the casket in puddles when it rains. I would love to see that if I did not die in water.” 

Mark finished typing out a tweet as he looked up at Ellie again. “Ellie, queen, can we talk about other things rather than death? It’s totes throwing off my vibes for the day.” If Mark was still in his emo phase during this, he would’ve been all over Ellie’s “fun” facts about cemeteries. He shivered at the mere thought of his emo phase again.

“Alright.” She stood back up, since she had been kneeling down to read a headstone, and looked at Mark. “I like you more than I like dead organics so what do you wish to talk about?” She didn’t need to ask because it was definitely going to be about Instagram or something else she didn’t care for but it was whatever. She didn’t mind like she used to. 

Mark smiled “Well, we can talk about anything really! It’s chill.” He looked up at the sky and the nearby buildings to admire his surroundings other than the tombstones. “Ya know, this place is hella cool! It’s pretty laid back though. Like, we have to leave the historic district just to get to the nearest Target!? Wack! But yeah anyways I actually kinda like it here. Sucks that we have to leave so soon. I wish it was only you and I here so we could just stay here as long as we wanted.”

“I agree. But I will say, even if it was just the two of us, we most likely would be on the run from something else anyway because that is how our lives work. So, in the end, I suppose it does not really matter much. I will enjoy it while I can.” Ellie nodded her head at her own good point she just made. “I also look forward to killing the gang members ‘hunting’ us down. They are hard targets. It is fun.” She looked back at Mark and frowned. “I apologize, that was back on the topic of death.” 

Mark, again, didn’t know what to say to that and shrugged. “It’s cool.” And then he went back to taking duck face selfies with dead people in the background. 

Since it was just the two of them, though Boyd was still in the cemetery, Ellie decided it was a good time to flirt. Aka hoe robot mode was on. She pulled out her trump card.

“I like the swoop of your hair today.” 

Mark had his front camera open so he was able to see his hair. He smiled “Thankssssss, queeeeen!” He gave her a wink before taking another selfie.

Damn. That was all Ellie had. She just stared at him for a moment before going back to reading the headstones. She wasn’t that creative in conversation so back to reading it was. 

Mark took a few more selfies before he finally put his phone away. He didn’t really want to take a whole lot in the cemetery. He thought about proposing again and was debating on whether or not this would be the best place to do it. He was kind of freaked out with the idea of proposing next to a bunch of old graves but he also knew that this would be the perfect spot for Ellie. It was private, no one would be around to bother or interrupt them and she would be in an environment that she loves. After a minute of thinking Mark was able to list more pros than cons on proposing right then and there.

He got closer and tapped Ellie’s shoulder to get her attention. At this point, if anyone or anything interrupted him from proposing this time, he would lose it. He took out the same box he had been carrying around in his pocket for the past few days and held it behind his back. 

She turned around and looked at him. “Mark, I am occupied reading about Samuel Vickers and his six dead wives.” She didn’t turn back around though, waiting for what Mark had to say. A part of her hoped her trump card and robo hoe mode had worked and this was about to turn into a two minute mini date before Boyd came running back over. But the other part of her also wanted to continue reading about Vickers’ dead wives so it was a complicated situation. Don’t you hate it when you want to read a tombstone but you also want to be a hoe? 

“Can it wait? I wanna ask you something.”

She nodded. “Alright.” 

He cleared his throat. “Okay, I’ve been trying to do this for the past few days now and every single time something stupid came up.” he laughed “but anyways what I’ve been trying to say was that I really love you, Ellie. I can’t even tell you all the things I love about you or else we will be here all day.” He laughed again at his weak attempt at a joke. He stopped laughing and gave a more serious look while still keeping a smile on his face. He went down on one knee and presented the ring box to her. “Ellie…” He opened the box open to reveal the ring. “Will you marry me?” He repeated his words over and over again in his mind, hoping it sounded okay. He thought his delivery was strong but he still couldn’t help the fact that his heart was racing the entire time.

“No.” She went back to reading the gravestone. 

His face was priceless. Anyone who ever hated Mark Beaks would’ve paid good money to have taken a photo of his reaction. He continued being down on one knee as he looked up at her. “Ummmm… woah okay then… shit.”

She looked back over to him and smiled, chuckling robotically. “I was kidding. Of course I will marry you, Mark. I love you.” 

He did a sigh of relief before his smile returned. He stood up, still keeping the ring in front of him. “So yes?!” He took the ring out of the box and grabbed Ellie’s hand to put it on her finger. “God, I love you, too but I didn’t realize you were kidding! Omg, right?!” Even though the ring was already on her hand, he still continued to hold it. 

She was about to kiss him when her phone, that she got last night because plot, went off. It ruined the moment but she took it out knowing it was either from Gloria or Gyro. “Oh goodness. We need to go. Gyro just murdered someone.” 

He sighed “Fuck, of course he did…” He waved at Boyd to get his attention “Yo! B-man! We’re leaving, sport!”

Dingles watched the little robot kid run over to his parents. Him and Tina were on the other side of the cemetery in all black, to look like they were mourning or some shit. “No way! I just got ordained so I could totally wed them.” He nudged Tina with his elbow, forgetting they were supposed to be stalking the three across the cemetery. 

Tina slapped the back of his head “Aren’t you forgetting the whole reason why we are out here?!”

“Oh yeah, uhhhh, what do we do now? They’re leaving and whatever.” He pointed to Mark with his thumb. “Should I just tackle him and destroy the phone now or…?” 

Tina was about to slap him again but she thought about his question for a moment. “Actually… yeah. Go do that. That would be funny as hell.”

“Okay!” Dingles shot across the cemetery, naruto style, while yelling “IT’S ME, DINGLES, YA BOI!” 

Before any of the three could react, Dingles slam dunked Mark’s phone into the ground. It shattered into literally a million pieces, due to his strength, on impact. 

Ellie screamed and shielded Boyd because it was the gang member, while Mark screamed because his precious phone was just destroyed before his eyes. 

Dingles did a touchdown gesture before running around in circles and then hopping the fence to get the hell out of there. Tina laughed and went out the back exit to catch up with him. 

Ellie looked around, very confused. “I do not understand what just happened.” 

Mark fell to his knees and began to sob. He slowly started picking up each piece of his phone and placing it in his palm. Once he had all the pieces in his hand, he dug a small grave and gently placed his phone remains in the hole. He covered it up with dirt and cried harder. “HE WAS TOO YOUNG!”

Ellie sighed and knelt down, but not to pay her respects to the phone. She just handed Mark her own. 

His mood did a 180 and he was immediately happy again. “Ooooooooh!!! Thank youuuuuu! Kay now let’s go get ice cream!”

“But Mark, we have to meet up with Gloria and Gyro.” 

“Ugh… seriously? Fine….”

The phone dinged again. 

He looked to see who was texting him. “Omg okay so turns out the van blew up, too. That’s cool.” His tone was sarcastic. 

Boyd frowned. “Oh no… I liked Sadie. She was really nice.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The hotel Mark and Ellie were staying in was booked so the Glomsquad were all staying in one room. Yep. Luckily Glomgold wasn’t there. After Sadie had blown up he had run off into the city to terrorize local art students. 

Ellie was the one who insisted they stayed together. If the cops came for Gyro she would stab them. Her logic behind that was flawed considering they always had guns, but Ellie was Ellie so whatever. 

Gyro was nervously pacing around the room, pulling at his hair.

“What happened?” Ellie decided it was best to ask Gloria rather than Gyro who looked like he was in the middle of the largest breakdown he had ever had. 

Gloria sighed “I’ll tell you about it later.” She whispered because she didn’t really want Gyro to hear.

Boyd was about to approach Gyro but Ellie took his hand to grab his attention and shook her head. Boyd frowned. 

“OKAY!” Gyro finally turned around. His fists were already full of some of his hair. “I’m going outside for a breather!”

“Dr. Dad, wait-”

He already left, slamming the door behind him.

Boyd pouted before turning to Gloria. “Will he be alright by himself?” 

“I hope so… I really don’t like the idea of him being alone right now, though.”

“Pft. Well, I ain’t following him.” Mark laughed. He was currently uploading all of his hot and overly filtered emo selfies taken at the graveyard. All with the hashtag “HotTopic” because he knew that would get the young kids to see his account. 

Everyone ignored him. 

“Should we follow him?” Boyd asked. 

Gloria sat up and went to the door “I’ll check on him, Boyd. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Boyd smiled in appreciation as Gloria left the room to quickly catch up with Gyro. 

He was already at the elevator, smashing the button over and over again. 

“That won’t help the elevator get here quicker, ya know…”

“Yeah yeah, I know!” He snapped and, ironically, started hitting the button faster. 

She changed the subject. “You don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to but I think it would be best if I was walking with you. It’s already pretty late.”

He was already shaking his head before she finished her sentence. “No. Absolutely not. I need to be alone.” And he really did need to be. Just the presence of another person, even Gloria, made him want to curl up and die. Just like his dad and mom. “Just go away! I’ll be fine.” 

She sighed “Gyro, you just went through a lot in the past few hours. I don’t think it’s safe for you to be alone right now.”

He laughed at that. “Yeah, well, I don’t give a shit.” 

“Yeah, well, I think you should give a shit.” Just the way Gyro was speaking right now was already a red flag in Gloria’s mind.

Removing his hand from smashing the button, Gyro turned to Gloria and full on screamed. “GODDAMNIT GLORIA! JUST FUCK OFF!” His voice echoed down the hall and there was no doubt people heard it in their rooms. 

“FINE!” Gloria turned around and stomped back to Mark and Ellie’s hotel room, muttering out a string of swear words under her breath.

Gyro sighed in relief. He didn’t give enough of a shit to care about how he had just screamed at her. He was alone and that was all that mattered to him. Eventually, he rounded the hotel and sat on the sidewalk bordering the road. It wasn’t even that sketchy considering it was a nice part of town by the river, nor was there any traffic considering it was a small side road.

He sat down onto the concrete and took a swig of vodka that he had grabbed at the bar before storming out of the hotel. 

Vic, who has been keeping a close eye on Gyro the entire day, parked his gang’s new,and stolen, black van nearby where Gyro was currently sitting. He waited a few minutes in the van just to make sure that the coast was clear and that he was alone. He eventually grabbed his gun before hopping out of the vehicle. Vic went around a corner so Gyro wasn’t able to see him coming.

Gyro was still slummed on the side of the road when he felt the end of a gun being pressed against the back of his head.

Vic stuttered out. “Okay, Gyro, I don’t want to kill you, alright? Please listen to me and follow where I tell you.”

Gyro didn’t even blink before standing up and shrugged. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.” 

“Wha- really? That easy?” Vic wasn’t able to keep the gun against his head now that Gyro was standing up. He pointed it into his back instead.

“Yep. I don’t give a shit about anything anymore so just take me to whatever sketchy van you're going to put me into. Or kill me.” 

“Oh… alright. That was pretty easy.” He smiled to himself. “Okay just follow me to that black van parked over there.” Vic pointed to the van with his free hand.

Gyro shoved that twink man’s hand out of the way to walk toward the van himself.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	39. Boyd's Character Development

Boyd sighed. “Mom… I don’t need the crust of my bagel peeled off… that’s not how it works.” He didn’t want to be rude, but he really wanted Ellie to stop. For one, if you took off the ‘crust’, the majority of the bagel was gone, and secondly, people at the hotel breakfast area were staring.

Ellie shook her head. “I know you do not like crusts so I am taking it off and that is that.” 

He sighed, again. “I may not have liked crusts on my sandwiches before, but I’m growing up. It’s not that big of a deal. And… that’s a bagel. Not a sandwich.” 

She paused and looked at him for a moment, finally putting the bagel back on the plate. This was the first time Boyd was being confrontational and she had to say she was impressed. Not enough to get her to stop though because this is Ellie we’re talking about. “You wanted the crust from your food peeled only a few months ago.”

“I know but things change, mom. I’ve been through a lot in the past few months. I’m growing up.”

She studied his face for a moment before picking the bagel back up and continuing to ‘peel’ it. “I am still taking off the crust.”

“Mom…”

Mark laughed and took a photo of the bagel to post on Twitter, earning a glare, that’s right, a glare, from Boyd. But no one seemed to notice.   
Mark also planned on lowkey making fun of Boyd in the caption, calling him a baby, but of course he wasn’t going to mention Boyd’s name. Maybe. Mark is a dick so whatever. 

Gloria finally made her way to the breakfast area inside the hotel, immediately spotting Mark, Ellie, and Boyd from across the room. She also noticed that Gyro wasn’t with them or anywhere in the room for that matter. She figured that he must’ve gone to stay somewhere else for the night to be alone. He’s been through a lot and rooming with Mark Beaks wouldn’t help anything so she couldn’t really blame him. When she got to their table, Gloria noticed Ellie’s engagement ring on her finger and smiled. If all of this shit wasn’t going down right now she would be very excited for Ellie and help celebrate.

Gloria took one of the empty chairs at their table and sat down to make an appearance before she would get up again to grab breakfast. She smiled at everyone, but mostly just Ellie and Boyd. “Good morning, guys.”

“...morning.” Boyd muttered. 

Gloria noticed the attitude shift and then looked over at Ellie who was peeling the crust off of a literal bagel. Yeah, that checked out why Boyd was pissed. 

“Good morning, Gloria. How are you?” Ellie shifted her gaze to the empty seat next to Gloria. “Gyro is not with you still?”

“Good fucking riddance.” Mark started chuckling to himself, not because of Gyro being gone, but because of all the feedback he was getting on the whole bagel thing on twitter. 

Gloria ignored Mark and shook her head “No. I guess he didn’t come back at all during the night. I’m trying to not be too worried because I know he needs to be alone but...” She trailed off.

“I am sure he is fine. We have plot protection.” Ellie pointed out. The looks she got meant no one knew what she was talking about so she just shrugged. “Nevermind. Here you go, Boyd.” She slid over the bagel and, to be honest, Boyd didn’t really want it anymore.

“We should be worried. We saw two of the gang members at the cemetery yesterday!” Boyd looked between Ellie and Mark like they were insane, which they were, for not pointing it out before he looked over at Gloria. 

“Oh, yes. That did happen. I had forgotten.” Ellie looked up at Gloria as well. “No worries. I will stab them.” 

“Mom!” 

“Are you talking about the gang members from Tampa?”

“Hell yeah we are! Bastards destroyed my phone!” Mark was in the middle of taking an array of selfies. “But it’s cool. I got this baby that’s ten times better.” He swung it in the air, showing it off, before getting back to it. 

Gloria ignored Mark again except for the part where he confirmed that it was Heidi’s old gang being in the cemetery. “Okay now I’m worried. What if they did something to Gyro? I mean, they clearly know where we are now and he was out all night by himself.” Gloria hated the fact that she had to say all of that in front of Boyd. She didn’t want him to worry but she also had to voice her concerns to Ellie. She took out her phone and sent him a quick text asking if he was okay. She kept the phone on the table so she would see if he responded back. “I think we need to look for him. He’s not doing okay and I hate the fact that he was out alone.”

Ellie nodded, grabbing a butter knife to shove in her purse. There were sadly no steak knives during breakfast, but a butter knife would do. It wouldn’t be able to slice a throat but she had enough strength to drive it into someone’s neck. Or their eyeballs. “Alright, we should start looking for him now then.” She stood up. Although she would have preferred to have Boyd finish his breakfast, she knew this was urgent for Gloria. And she also knew that Gyro was her “friend” so she should start to care more as well. 

“Um, yeah, you guys have fun with that.”

Boyd shot Mark another glare, as he stood up as well. “Dad! Why do you always do this?!” 

That actually grabbed Mark’s attention. He looked up from his phone. “Yo, what’s with the attitude this morning little man?”

He stomped his foot. “Why don’t you care about anything?!” 

“Hey!” Mark put his phone down on the table and sat up right. “I do care! Just not about Gyro because he’s an asshole!” 

“Well maybe you’re the asshole!” 

Ellie wasn’t the only one who gasped, so did Gloria.

“Boyd!”

Boyd ignored his mother and stormed toward the exit to start looking for Gyro. 

He watched Boyd leave before returning back to his phone “Jeez, looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.”

“Goodness…” Ellie watched Boyd storm off before turning to Mark and sighing. “You stay here just in case Gyro returns to the hotel. I am going to go catch up with Boyd.” She ran off without another word, leaving both Mark and Gloria behind.

Mark, who had started playing Mario Kart, looked up at Gloria. “Are you, like, staying here too or…?” He trailed off for a moment. “I kinda want some alone time. You guys are totes cray.” 

“It’s always a pleasure to talk to you, Mark.” She said that sarcastically as she got up from the table. She went over to the breakfast line long enough to grab food to go before walking out of the hotel herself to look for Gyro.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Well well welllllll, what are we gonna do with you, Gyro Gearloose?” T-bag smirked.

The only gang members in the room were him and Vic, as for Dingles and Tina… T-bag didn’t really know. They were probably either eating cheeto puffs, listening to K-pop, or actually hunting down the Robo Freaks and Billionaire Bitch. Either way, he didn’t care.

As for Gyro, his wrist was handcuffed to a pipe on the wall and he didn’t really care about anything either. “I don’t know. Just kill me, I guess.” His tone was dry. 

Vic nudged T-bag and whispered “I told you he lost it.” 

“Gladly, but where’s the fun in killing you now? We have a roadtrip in mind for you and your buddies.”

“Why? So you can just kill us somewhere else? How creative.” Clearly, Gyro was having none of this shit. The amount of disrespect he was giving T-bag, the leader of the gang, was unfathomable. 

T-bag snapped his fingers “Vic, you know what to do.” T-bag was also not having any of this shit.

Vic cringed, he was too much of a twink to handle doing stuff like this, but he had to obey his orders. He took out his blade, given to him specifically as a ‘welcome to the gang’ gift a few years ago. There was sorrow in his eyes and he walked over to Gyro, but the look Gyro gave him in return sent shivers up his spine. It was lifeless and it didn’t help drive Vic forward on what he needed to do. He took Gyro’s other hand, the one free from the restraint, and held it against the wall before driving his knife through it. It went straight through and the sharp end nailed itself into the wall, keeping Gyro’s hand in place as blood dripped down onto the floor. 

Gyro winced but other than that, there wasn’t much of a reaction. He just stayed silent. 

Vic gave T-bag a somewhat disturbed look, due to Gyro’s lifeless expression, before walking back over to stand behind him, keeping Gyro’s hand nailed to the wall. 

T-bag was pretty shook too. No screams. No protesting. Nothing. He crossed his arms. “Duck Jesus, dude. You’re more fucked up than I realized.”

Gyro didn’t respond to that. 

That only caused Vic to shiver again before he looked over at his boss. “What should we, um, do now?” 

“Well we really can’t torture him because the bastard doesn’t even scream. Get that knife out of him already will ya? I don’t want him bleeding out on us just yet.”

“A-actually, a knife through the hand can’t…” He paused when T-bag shot him a look. “It… can’t kill him so…” T-bag’s look darkened so Vic shut the hell up and retrieved the knife. Again, there was no reaction from Gyro. “M-maybe we should ask him what happened to fuck him up a-and then use it against him?” Vic whispered so Gyro couldn’t overhear. It’s not like Gyro would care if he did hear anyway. 

T-bag nodded in approval. That wasn’t a bad idea. He turned his attention back to Gyro, propping up a chair in front of Gyro and sat down. “So what the fuck happened to you anyways? I remember you being a lot more of a pussy back in Tampa. Something must’ve fucked you up pretty badly, huh?”

“Yep.” Gyro wasn’t stupid. He knew they were trying to get information out of him to use against him. But guess what? He still didn’t give a shit. “It all started when I stabbed these gang members on a cruise ship, then I didn’t do anything about Ellie blowing up a gas station and murdering innocent people, and then I killed my deadbeat dad in cold blood. I’m just a criminal like you so I don’t care about anything anymore… that’s all you need to know so use that information as you will.” The whole time he didn’t make eye contact with T-bag and then he followed that statement with a shrug. 

T-bag nodded again. “Well like I said. Torturing you doesn’t seem to be the way to go for you so I gotta better plan…” He gave Gyro a pretty evil smirk before continuing “You and that one chick in your group… what’s her name? Gladis or something?”

Vic answered for T-bag. “Umm I think her name is actually Gloria. Says so in his contacts.” he was referring to Gyro’s phone that they confiscated and searched through.

He corrected himself. “Gloria. Right. You still with her?”

Gyro sighed, knowing that they were about to use Gloria against him. “...yes.” 

“That’s what I thought.” T-bag continued “So all of us are pretty pissed with her and we have plans to make her life a living hell. That can change, however. We will be nice to Gloria if you help with some of our dirty work. It’s not like we aren’t able to do it, but killing people seems to be your weak point.” T-bag got up from his seat and moved closer to Gyro, crouching down to meet him at eye level. “So here’s the plan. You’re going to kill for us and we’ll leave her alone. Is that a deal?”

T-bag was right, that was his weak point, but Gyro knew they would have figured it out either way so this consequence was unavoidable. He truly was worried now, his heart pumping faster, but he didn’t show it. But him gulping most likely gave away the fact he was now unnerved.

“I know you’re going to kidnap her no matter what… but you have to promise me you won’t hurt her in any way if I do everything you tell me to do.”

The gang couldn’t promise him anything, but Gyro hoped they would do so anyway with whatever kindness they had left in their shriveled up hearts. He knew they could also lie to him, but trusting them was his only chance. 

T-bag gave a not so reassuring smile. “We promise.”

And as you may expect, that smile did indeed not give Gyro any reassurance. But what other choice did he really have? 

“... what do you want me to do first?” 

T-bag checked the watch on his wrist. “In about an hour or so we will be getting the two robots. So your first task will be to deal with the kid.”

C-note tapped T-bags shoulder. “Should I do anything or…?”

Everyone in the room, but Gyro, jumped. Man. C-note was pretty fucking forgettable.

“Oh, uh, no. You’re just kinda here I guess.”

“...Oh.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Tina and Dingles were getting ready to split up, but before they did so Dingles had a few comments to make like the idiot he was. 

“So, ummm….” They were currently outside the hotel and he was looking through the window at Mark who was in the dining area close to the lobby. “It looks like he just got another phone so I guess that didn’t traumatize him…” He frowned “Man, Vic is totally gonna be upset his idea didn’t work out. Oh, and T-bag is probs gonna be mad too. I’m… looking forward to that I guess.” The last part was clearly sarcastic. 

Tina was surprised. She didn’t know Dingles’ small brain was capable of sarcasm. 

“Looks like we are going to have to try something else to get this bitch to crack.”

Dingles nodded. “Well, we gotta kidnap him too I guess.” There was a sigh that followed. That sounded like a lot of work to Dingles. “But, you’re right, we gotta get him to crack. T-bag isn’t going to want him to be brought in completely sane. We have a plan for the others, but not him.” 

They both studied Mark who was currently playing Candy Crush.

“Man, he’s good…” Whether Dingles was referring to Candy Crush or the fact Mark was hard to crack was unknown. But it was post likely Candy Crush. 

Tina sighed at his idiocy. She took out her phone and stalked his social media accounts to find something that could be used against him. It didn’t take her long to see a new twitter post of him and Ellie together with the caption explaining how he just proposed to her. “Bingo.” She shut off her phone. “Where are the robots? They are our targets in bringing Beaks down.”

Dingles looked at her with a confused expression. “What’d you say? I was busy watching him crush Candy Crush. You come up with a plan or something?” 

Tina smacked him upside the head. “Fucking idiot. Pay attention! Our plan is to find Ellie and that kid and kidnap them. You think your small brain can process that concept?”

“...that was already the plan beforehand.” 

She smacked him upside the head again. “But not as a means of torturing Mark! We use those two against him!”

“Um…” Dingles scratched the back of his head. “I don’t think they’d be willing to join our side to betray him like that.” This man literally thought using Ellie and Boyd against Mark meant that they would betray him and take him down. Dingles was a lost cause. 

Tina glared at Dingles “Why the fuck are you even here? Like, honestly?” She waved him off “Nevermind. Let’s just find those two and get on with it. Duck Jesus, you suck as a sidekick.”

“...I thought you were the sidekick.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria was walking around by herself, keeping her phone close by. She was waiting for either a text from Mark letting her know that he was back in the hotel or from Gyro himself. She was growing more and more worried with each passing moment and she was constantly checking her phone for any text notifications. She would also be lying if she didn’t admit that she was internally beating herself up over the fact that she didn’t persist in walking around with him last night to make sure he was okay. There was nothing around to give any sort of clue as to where Gyro went. Gloria couldn’t even call Ellie and see how her and Boyd’s search party was going because Mark took her phone.

Her phone suddenly went off and she never clicked on her notifications faster, her heart had already lifted but when she saw a text from Gyro, it nearly stopped. God, she was so fucking relieved. He was probably still pissed but she’d rather have an angry rant than no update at all.

She clicked on the message and began to read.

“We have Gyro, the ‘bots are next. Have fun watching your friends disappear, Gladis, or should I say, Gloria.” There was a devil emoji at the end of the text. Another text was followed shortly after. “Oh, this is T-bag btw.” 

She immediately hit the call button next to Gyro’s number. She wanted to fucking scream at whoever was going to pick up on the other line.

“Yellow?” Yep. It was T-bag. And his voice was chipper which made Gloria even more pissy. 

“You mother fucker! Wait until I get my fucking hands on you! You’re going to fucking wish you kept your sorry ass in Tampa!”

“Yeah yeah.” He waved her off on the other end. “Save the threats for later. Don’t worry, we won’t physically hurt you. Maybe. Gyro is trying to make sure that won’t happen.” 

She gripped her phone tighter in her hand. “What the fuck did you do to him?! Where is he?!”

“Chill out, Gladis!” T-bag knew her name was Gloria, but Gladis was a cooler name in his mind. Maybe he should mention she should think about changing it later on. “Let’s just say he’s on our side now. Not willingly of course, but he isn’t fighting that much.”

“God, what do you even want with us anymore?! We were just trying to get home!”

There was a sick laugh on the other end. “Yeah! And then you fucked with our gang! You can thank the fat guy for beating us up, that’s what tipped us over the edge. But you, you didn’t help at all. You’re the one who ruined everything by being so defiant. You’re the one who made our most prized gang member ditch us. And for that you’re going to pay.”

Heidi was more of a hostage than a gang member. But she was useful to them nonetheless and it pissed them off that they lost the person that was fun to fuck with the most. 

“Then come and get me, you fucking pussy! I fucking dare you! But you better let Gyro go!”

“How about no. All of your ‘family’ is going down first. You’re last.” He continued to laugh. “You’re just going to have to watch them all disappear around you. You won’t be seeing your robo friends again, just so ya know. Better run back to the hotel and tell Billionaire Bitch.” 

Gloria started speed walking towards the hotel but she kept him on the line. 

“Plot protection or not, this time you won’t be spared.” 

“Yeah? I’d like to see you do your fucking worst, bitch! We beat you before, we will beat you again.”

“You just made the suffering your boyfriend and robot buddies are going to go through ten times worse. I’m sure they will thank you for that later. And,” He decided to add one more thing to that. “I don’t think you’ll be having that fat freak with you this time around. Where is he? Running around Savannah like a loose screw?”

That was a good point. Glomgold was the only one who defeated them and he was nowhere to be found. The one time they actually wanted him to be around!

“See you soon, Gladis.” He hung up immediately after that statement, leaving Gloria to only listen to the buzz of a dead end. 

“That fucker…” She muttered under her breath, looking at the end call screen. She kept walking towards the hotel and texted Mark, asking him if Ellie and Boyd came back to the room.

His response was a “No, leave me alone. I’m on Facebook.” 

God. Who still uses Facebook? 

She texted him again “Ellie and Boyd are in trouble and I don’t know where they are. T-bag could have them already!”

The next and final response was a crying emoji. That may have been insensitive, but that was literally Mark’s only way of expressing his emotions. No wait. He sent a running and hotel emoji next which meant Gloria should hurry up. 

It was crazy how two emojis could piss her off even more so but here we are. She stuffed her phone back into her pocket and headed back to the hotel faster.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Boyd wasn’t full on running, but he may as well have been. Ellie had to jog to keep up with his pace.

“Boyd, there is no need to walk at such a speed. I promise we will find Gyro in no time. He is most likely walking around a park.” Ellie was telling a white lie, and as usual, it was obvious she was fibbing. 

Boyd kept the pace he was going “You don’t know that! No one has seen him since yesterday!”

It was off topic and not a good time to bring it up, but Ellie did anyway. “What is going on with you today? You never act like this.” 

Boyd stopped in his tracks and turned around to face Ellie. “I’m tired of always running about and following all of you around! None of you seem to do the right thing anymore and I’m sick of always going along with it and keeping my mouth shut! My family has the worst morals imaginable and it makes me mad!”

Ellie looked down at him and stayed in monotone mode. Now was not the time to get upset with her child. “We are only doing what is best to protect ourselves, and most importantly, you. You may disagree but there is no reason for you to get angry.” 

“I have every right to be angry! I hate it here! I hate having to tag along on these horrible adventures. I just want to go home!” Boyd was starting to tear up. This was his first time ever speaking up and he was pretty nervous in doing so. But enough was enough. He needed Ellie to know how he was feeling. “We keep on getting thrown into one bad situation after another and I don’t think it’s because of bad luck. I think it’s because of you and the rest of my family's morals and decisions!” He pointed his finger up at Ellie accusingly.

Ellie narrowed her eyes and pointed a finger back at him. “You will not speak to me that way, do you understand? I do not care if you disagree with our decisions, I do not want to hear it.” 

“I shouldn’t be dragged along on all of these- whatever you want to call it! I hate it! I’m miserable and I don’t like being here! I never asked to go on the cruise and I never asked to go on this road trip! I wanted to be back in Duckburg with Huey and go on Junior Woodchuck camping trips for the summer!”

“Well, I do not like you mouthing me off so now we are both upset.” Ellie crossed her arms. Truly, she did feel rather guilty. Boyd had made a lot of good points. But his anger, in her mind, was unnecessary. “If you wanted to talk to me about this, you should have brought it up sooner and in a more calming manner. When we get back to the hotel, you are grounded. Understood?” 

Boyd huffed and crossed his arms, avoiding eye contact with Ellie. “You’re a horrible mom…” He muttered under his breath but Ellie was still able to hear what he just said.

Ellie’s voice practically shut off on impulse and shock alone. Now that was a weak point of hers and she wasn’t able to think properly anymore.

“Excuse me?! I know you did not just say that! I have risked my life multiple times to protect you!” 

“A good mother wouldn’t have to risk her life because her child shouldn’t be put in these horrible situations to begin with!”

Ellie balled her fists before storming off in the direction they were going. “Like I said, when we get back to the hotel, you are grounded.” 

He huffed again and slowly walked behind her, keeping his distance.

Dingles and Tina cut the two of them off but Dingles continued to talk like they weren’t in front of them.

“Um, that’s them right? I know we saw them at the cemetery yesterday but I need to clarify.” 

Tina rubbed her forehead “Oh my god, yes! This is them! God I hate teaming up with you…” She directed her attention to Ellie while pulling out a gun from behind her back. “Alright, you two are coming with us. Let’s not start a scene.”

Ellie’s eye twitched. She took out her butter knife, not caring Tina had a gun or that Boyd was going to see violence. Being mellow in front of him never worked so if she needed to murder right there and then, so be it. Boyd insisted he was an adult now so perhaps he was mature enough to handle violence if he was so confident. “Okay, you know what?!” Ellie was already fired up from being yelled at by Boyd. “I am TIRED of having a gun held to my damn head and then giving up and crying. Not this time.” She lifted her knife. “I bet your aim is pathetic.” 

Tina glared and clicked the gun back to show that she wasn’t fucking around. “You wanna try me, bitch?!”

“Mom! Stop! This is exactly what I’m talking about!”

“Now is not the time, Boyd! Stay behind me! Now!”

“There’s never a good time! Our lives are like this all the time! You are not going to stab her, mom!”

Ellie’s jaw dropped and she actually lowered the knife. “Are you… are you bossing me around?!” 

Dingles and Tina were just kinda watching the show go down, but Tina kept the gun up just in case. 

“Well someone needs to act like the adult around here!”

She threw the knife into the bushes without a second thought. “Fine. If that is your command then I will follow it. But let us see what your decision leads to, shall we?” 

Boyd didn’t respond… he didn’t actually expect her to do that.

Ellie crossed her arms like she did earlier, but more aggressively as if it would make a point. “What do you want us to do, Boyd? Fight them with words?” She turned around to look at Tina. “Excuse me, Miss. My son would like to politely ask you to not kidnap us.” Sarcasm was coursing deep through her metaphorical veins. 

Tina, still keeping the gun directed at Ellie, looked down to answer Boyd. “Sorry, kid. We have orders to obey. Make it easier for everyone involved and come peacefully like your friend did and no one gets hurt.”

Looking back at Boyd, Ellie’s gaze turned from an anger to worry. She walked over and took his hand before looking back at Tina. “Alright. We will not fight you. I promise.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	40. C-Note Does Something For Once

In the basement of an old Savannah home, the gang had rented through Airbnb, sat Ellie and Boyd. They were locked in the room, but there was no one in there with them, nor were they restrained in any way. Tina and Dingles must have been confident enough that they couldn’t escape or overpower them in an attack. They had good reason to think so. Boyd wouldn’t hurt a fly and Ellie had no weapons. 

Ellie scanned the room multiple times and there was indeed no way to escape either. It seemed to be they were just in another hostage situation with little hope. Something everyone in the Glomsquad had grown used to. And it probably wasn’t the last time this would happen either, as painful as that was to think about.

As soon as the two were left in the room alone, Boyd sat as far away from Ellie as he could. When Ellie sat next to him, he simply moved to the other side of the room. Ellie got the message and didn’t bother him after that. Their relationship at the moment was sharp and tense, expectantly since they hadn’t spoken after their fight only two hours ago. Ellie had tried a few times already only to be met with no response. 

She decided to try again, but to take a different approach this time around.

“Technically you are more of the adult here considering you were built years before me.” Ellie attempted to laugh but it came out robotic and unnatural as usual. There was no malice or anger in her voice as there was during the fight. After sitting in silence, Ellie had realized that Boyd was right about everything. She was the one in the wrong for certain. “Now that I look back on everything, I understand that we do not know each other that well. I may be your caregiver but it ends at that, doesn’t it?” She didn’t expect a response and kept going. “We may have ‘hung out’ before but I never made an attempt to get to know you on a deeper level. In fact, we do speak to one another that often other than in a mother and son manner. You are not just a child, you are an intelligent and an independent definitely real boy with his own thoughts, opinions, and feelings. You even have quite the strong and feisty personality.” She awkwardly laughed again before clearing her throat. There was an uncomfortable pause.“I apologize for not seeing that sooner, Boyd. I should have made more of an effort to get to know you and your opinions rather than simply treating you like an organic infant. You were right about everything. I should have asked what you wanted to do for the summer all that time ago.” 

Boyd didn’t respond to her which Ellie expected. She wasn’t offended in the least bit. But it did hurt that her child hated her so much. 

She let the silence sit for a little while to let the air cool before she continued. 

“We do have very different morals. Do you know why that is?”

Boyd still didn’t respond. 

“We were built for different reasons. You were built to be the defender and hero of an entire city while I was simply built to be a villain; to blindly follow commands from Uncle Glomgold. My morals were not wired to be correct and I have always been ashamed of that. My programmed beliefs only seem to have become stronger over time. I do not know why, but it is most likely because my programming has settled itself over a prolonged period.” Ellie said, “I may be horrible now, but I cannot imagine how horrible I would have become without you. You stabilize me, Boyd.” She smiled but Boyd didn’t see since he still was looking away from her.

Her tone became more somber. “I have wanted to change and I still want to, specifically for your sake. But I cannot be reprogrammed without losing all of my data. I have tried to overcome my programming myself, but there seems to be some hurdle I simply cannot cross. At a certain point, on the cruise ship actually, I just gave up. But I will now keep trying again for you. I will attempt to be less violent and more morally correct. The terrible thing is that I cannot make any promises with how strong my programming is. You may not agree with anything I do, which you should not, and I do not expect you to ever look up to me, or love me… or even like me, but I hope that is something you can understand at the very least. I am stuck in a mindset that I never wanted to begin with.” 

Ellie wiped her eyes like there were tears streaming down. There obviously wasn’t but she tricked herself into thinking there was with how emotional she was getting.

“Boyd, I know I am a horrible mother. You have no idea how long ago I realized that. I was hoping you would never view me that way or realize that yourself, but it was only a matter of time and now we are here. Just a lot sooner than I had expected.” She now looked away from him too. She couldn’t bring herself to keep staring at him. It only made her confession harder on her. “You deserve a way better family and a normal life. I will never be able to provide that. To be honest, you should not even call me your mother. I mean that. You never asked for me in your life, I just showed up against your will and adopted you without you even knowing me when all you wanted from the very beginning was Dr. Gearloose to be your true family alone. Not me and definitely not Mark. That was very wrong of me to do that to you. I was just desperate and I never think about how another person feels.” She paused because she had to get herself under control. She didn’t want to start sobbing in front of him. “All I can say is that I am so sorry. About everything. There are too many things for me to apologize for separately. But I am especially sorry about the way I spoke to you earlier.”

Ellie ended her rant there and let the room sink into silence once more. Whether Boyd was going to respond or not was his choice and she wasn’t going to ask him to.

The room was silent for a while. Ellie could tell that he was coming up with something to say. His eyes suggested he was in deep thought while occasionally darting back and forth as if he was reading. He soon closed his eyes and sighed before opening them again only to stare at the floor. “Back at that camp Glomgold put us in…I- I don’t think I was thinking clearly because of how scared I was. Dr. Gearloose pretended that he didn’t know me and you, a stranger, adopted me without any question. It’s strange to think about it that way but I suppose we all weren’t in the right frame of mind at the time.” He paused again “I know you mean well. I know you want what’s best for me and you are only looking out for me but you always turn around and bring out the worst of yourself in front of me. I know you kill people. And I know you’ve killed more than I can remember. Probably because you had Dr. Gearloose erase some of my memories. You took my own memories away without asking.” That last statement Boyd assumed to be true. Really, he wasn’t sure if he gave them permission or not to erase his memories because he forgot. “I just- everything that has happened… I only want people to listen to me. I want to be able to make my own choices.” He finished on that note because that was what he truly wanted Ellie to know.

It was a damning feeling; the guilt that had started to crush Ellie was something she never felt before, and it felt very literal. 

“I did ask Dr. Gearloose to erase most of your traumatic memories, Boyd. All ones caused by Mark and I.” 

Ellie figured he deserved to know the memories he lost if he was aware. And she wasn’t going to dare refer to Mark as his father when explaining anything. Nor was she going to refer to herself as his mom, because it wasn’t true. 

“I am not sure of all the memories Dr. Gearloose erased, but I do know the ones he did erase were when we had to take down more gang members on the ship, gang members that had kidnapped you and Gloria. Also there was another time when Mark took you to a strip club and I ended up tackling him right in front of you. There is more but those are the only two examples I can think of at the moment.” It was true. Too much shit had happened to remember everything. Not to mention her memories of Steelbeak were erased so she wasn’t even counting that. “Oh. I also attempted to kill Glomgold by shoving him overboard in front of you while you were having a mental breakdown so…” She paused. “There are also a lot of organics I have killed either before I knew you or when you were not present. But you already know that.” 

She tried to think of anything else she had to confess to him, but that was honestly all she had. He knew pretty much about everything else. 

“I have said this already, but I am programmed to be a dreadful person. And perhaps it is not all my programming’s doing, maybe I am just naturally abhorrent. I am sure that would not be a surprise if that were the case.” Ellie was staring at the floor along with Boyd. “You may stabilize me Boyd, but that does not mean you should be around me or that I should force you to be around me. When we get back to Duckburg, if we do, you need to get away from me. I know you want to live with Dr. Gearloose and I am definitely not someone a child should be around to begin with. Even if you are not much of a child anymore. I was never your mother Boyd and I am sorry I called myself that.” 

“It’s okay…” he muttered. It really wasn’t okay but he wasn’t sure what else to say to that. “There are some more things I think we should talk about but we should probably figure a way out of here first.” He gestured to the room they were locked in.

“There is not a way out of here that I can find at the moment.” Ellie sat up to walk across the room and sit down next to him. He didn’t move this time around, but he wasn’t too happy. “You know they are going to torture us, correct?”

He nodded “Yeah, I know.”

Ellie sighed because she knew damn well that Boyd wasn’t going to agree to this. “I do not want you to go through that pain, Boyd, so I am going to shut you down and remove your flash drive so whatever they do to you, you will not die. I will have your memories on hand at all times.” 

His eyes widened and he scooted further away from Ellie “What?! No! You can’t shut me down again!”

She held her hand out to try to calm him down. “Boyd, I promise you would rather have me shut you down than go through that pain.” 

“Did you not hear what I just said?!”

“I heard what you said, I just need to protect you!” 

Ellie didn’t necessarily tackle him but she moved quickly to hold him down. He started struggling immediately as she tried to find the shutdown button on the back of his head. Apparently Boyd was a lot stronger than she first realized. 

“PLEASE DON’T SHUT ME DOWN!”

She found it and his eyes closed immediately just as he finished his pleads. Ellie sniffled before turning him around to remove his core processor as well as his flash drive, shoving them into her pocket. That way she not only had his memories, but they also wouldn’t be able to power him back on for torture at all. 

After she had finished everything that needed to be done she hugged his unconscious body and started sobbing. He wasn’t going to die, she wouldn’t let him, but she did lose her child in a similar way because of her actions. 

It was then the basement door opened and Tina waltzed on down, with Dingles behind her to guard the stairs that led up to the exit. 

Tina walked towards Ellie who was still sobbing on the floor with Boyd in her arms. She crossed her arms and glared at her “What happened to the kid? Don’t tell me he died.” Nothing in her tone resembled sympathy. It was almost like she was disappointed in the fact that he was dead before she couldn’t do anything to him.

Ellie deemed it better if they thought he was dead so she simply nodded. 

They were most likely going to strip Boyd for parts either way. Everything was fine as long as she had the flash drive and the core processor. Gyro would be able to rebuild him. But that made another problem arise; she would have to make sure they didn’t search her pockets as well as make sure they didn’t kill her. What a goddamn pickle. 

“Hmm” was all that Tina had to say about that. She snapped her fingers to alert Dingles to get involved with the current situation rather than just stand there. He did and forcefully separated Ellie away from Boyd’s body, leaving him alone on the floor. There was some struggle on Ellie’s behalf but she eventually gave up knowing there was no point in fighting him without any of her knives at hand. Dingles held Ellie’s hands in place behind her back while Tina left the room long enough to come back with a rusty meat cleaver. She smiled “I can’t wait to start repairing my new bike tonight!” She held up the meat cleaver so Ellie could catch her drift.

Ellie indeed caught that fucking drift. 

Her eyes widened and she started struggling to get out of Dingles’ grip. “No! Get away from me!” 

Ellie continued to struggle but she had stopped sobbing. She was tired of giving people that satisfaction of seeing her in pain. It was no use so she stopped struggling and looked up and Tina. It was time to stop begging like a pussy. “Do what you will but you are not going to get away with this. I have taken down plenty of organics and you are going to be next.” She bit. 

Tina laughed “Okay, sure. We’ll just see how that works out for ya. It’ll be quite hard to stab people without any hands.” That was the signal for Dingles to force Ellie’s hands flat on the ground while still restraining her arms so she couldn’t move them away. Tina walked around behind Ellie and crouched down. “This may hurt but I don't believe robots have feelings so maybe it won’t. Either way, I don’t care.”

Unbeknownst to Tina, it was going to hurt like hell, but Ellie wasn’t going to let her know that. 

“Fuck you.”

Damn. Ellie was getting spicy up in here. 

Tina didn’t respond to that and she didn’t have to. She was getting her revenge. Tina raised the meat cleaver high above her head and straight down onto Ellie’s wrists in one clean motion. Sadly for Ellie, the meat cleaver was old and dull so Tina had to repeat this process a couple more times before both hands were removed from her arms. The first thing Tina did was grab Ellie’s left hand and snatch her engagement ring off of her finger. It would be great torture for Mark in the future. She stuffed it in her pocket and walked back around to look at Ellie. Dingles released her and did the same, standing behind Tina.

The screams Ellie let out during the entire process was a dead giveaway that she could indeed feel an immense amount of pain, much to Tina and Dingles’ surprise. 

It was somewhat funny that Ellie had sworn to herself she wouldn’t let them know she could feel pain when she ended up giving it away less than a minute later. Man, she really was never going to be good at acting. 

She looked at Tina again, gritting her teeth. That pain was severe and constant; definitely not going to go away anytime soon. 

“Too bad you cannot put Boyd through the same thing as me.” As soon as Ellie opened her mouth she indeed started sobbing, especially through her sentence, so it didn’t sound as badass as she wanted it to. 

“Ha! Oh don’t worry. Boyd might not be alive anymore but he will be getting his fair share of torture as if he was. We still need parts for five motorcycles, remember?”

Dingles was the first one to leave the room with Tina following behind him. She stopped at the door frame to say one last thing. “Gotta run. We need to pick up your fiancé.” She gave Ellie an evil laugh before slamming the door behind her and locking it. Ellie could hear two sets of footsteps fading down the hall above her until there wasn’t anything else to listen to.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“No fucking way! Jojo Siwa followed me back! #goals!!!!!” He immediately started to message her, hoping she would be able to do some sort of tik tok collab dance or something similar to the sort. He looked up from his phone for a second to make sure he didn’t run into a pole in public like he did five minutes ago. Hopefully no one would see that on security cameras and upload it to the internet. That would totally ruin his image.

Wait. What was he walking around for again?

“Oh shit…” Right. He was looking for Ellie because she was supposedly kidnapped. That slipped his mind for a second. “Man… now I gotta put away my phone…” He muttered to himself, shoving it into his pocket. This fucking sucked; why’d she have to go and get herself kidnapped again? His updates on every one of his social media accounts had been lacking the past few months as is. “Yo! Ellie! Boyd!” 

There obviously wasn’t an answer, except some strange looks from art students across the street. Whatever. They were the weird ones, not him. 

It was then he noticed a vending machine; he checked the time. 2:15. Yep, he needed a drink for sure. Sparkling water it was. 

Mark shoved his hands into his pockets and walked over to the machine to look at the options. He blinked slowly when his brain comprehend what he was seeing. “NO SPARKLING WATER?!!! WHAT THE FUCK!” 

“Hey, buddy! Couldn’t help but hear you call out for Ellie and Boyd. You looking for them?” 

Tina and Dingles turned the corner, approaching Mark. 

Mark, being the fucking idiot he was, didn’t recognize they were the gang members. He didn’t really pay that much attention to anything. But if they had a social media account, that’d be an entire different story. 

“Ugh yeah. They went missing again. You know where they went or something?” Mark wasn’t looking at them anymore. He was still mashing the buttons on the vending machine thinking that sparkling water would just randomly show up.

Tina smiled. “We sure did!” That was all she said. 

Mark settled on getting a PEP. He grabbed the can from the small door at the bottom of the machine before giving Tina all of his attention. “Oh lit. Could you, like, tell me where they are or something? Kinda in a hurry here.”

“Yeah yeah. They went to the Girl Scouts’ museum.” Tina waved her hand like that was something that he should’ve already known. “Want us to take you there? We parked nearby.” She pointed to the back van across the street. 

You know, one thing a parent teaches their child is to not follow strangers into a van. Especially when they mention something about cookies or candy. In this case it’s about Girl Scouts. Mark, however, is a very very special case. Instead of being smart he shrugged, chugged the PEP he just bought for himself and walked alongside Dingles and Tina to their van. He thought nothing of it nor did he think anything was sketchy.

Dingles even helped buckle Mark in, nice in tight, to make sure he wouldn’t be able to undo the belt. 

Dingles proceeded to start up the van and once they were on the street, Tina turned around.

“You know we’re kidnapping you, right?”

Mark looked up from his phone “I’m sorry, what?”

“We kidnapped your fiancé and now we’re kidnapping you.” Tina turned back around in her chair. “God, you’re a fucking idiot. I didn’t even have to pull out my gun.”

“Oh…” He started to tweet about how he was just kidnapped and may be MIA for a while online. “Well could we stop at Leopold’s or something before you do? Marky wants ice creeeeaaaaammm.”

Dingles beamed “Ooooh! Good idea! Can we Tina?! Huh?! Can we?!” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria finally made her way back to the hotel. The first place she checked was their hotel room. No one was there. She tried searching around the lobby and around the outside of the hotel. Still nothing.

After searching for what felt like hours, Gloria made her way back into the hotel room again. She flopped down on the bed and checked her phone to see if there were any new notifications. There wasn’t anything except a notification from Twitter letting her know that Mark posted something. Yeah, she was still following him on Twitter. She opened Twitter and read his update on how he was currently being kidnapped. Writing about who was kidnapping him and where he was were not mentioned. Now that Mark was gone, Gloria was the last one left. She had no leads on where T-bag and the others were keeping them so there was nothing for her to do but wait for her turn to be kidnapped. It wasn’t a great plan by any means but there was literally nothing else she could do.

Her phone started ringing; it was from Ellie, or rather Mark now that he took her phone. And yes, after all this time, her ringtone was still Megalovania. 

But she knew the call itself wasn’t exactly from Mark. 

She sighed and answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Looks like you’re the only one left, huh?” It was none other than, ya boi, T-bag.

“Yep looks like it…” Gloria’s tone suggested that she didn’t care. She didn’t want to give T-bag the satisfaction of him knowing how scared she actually was.

He laughed. “Man, you really don’t care about anything either? You’re turning into Gyro. Guess I know why you two are dating.” There was a pause before he continued. “So… you want an update on what’s going down?”

“If you’re going to tell me the truth, then yes.”

“I have no need to lie to you, Gladis. But there is a chance you won’t believe me anyway.” On the other end, he was leaning against an old desk in one of the airbnb’s the gang rented. “The kid shut down, permanently. The mother confirmed it. I don’t know how but I guess he’s dead, or as close to dead as a robot can get. We’re forcing Gyro to take him apart against his will so we can use the parts for our new ‘cycles. They’re going to be killer.” He laughed. “Then we’ll probably force Gyro to kill some other people for us. Ya know, give him some more PTSD. As for the other robot, we already chopped off her hands so she’s slowly being disassembled. Turns out she can feel pain which was surprising. And as for Mark, to be honest I have no idea what we’re going to do with him. But he’s still on the way so I have time to think of something.” 

Gloria was silent. She didn’t want to believe T-bag but he was right. There would be no reason for him to lie about anything he just told her and it hit like a ton of bricks. From Boyd to Gyro to Ellie. She couldn’t believe that all of this was happening to them with Mark soon to follow the same fate. It drained her chance of her not coming off as scared while on the phone with him. Her voice became shaky “Listen. Let’s come up with a deal or something. If it’s the bikes you’re pissed about, I can sell more drugs and give you all the money I make. I’ll pay for replacements, spare parts, anything. Just let them go. Please.”

That got another laugh from T-bag. “Nah, you know it’s too late for that, Gloria.” He used her actual name that time. “Besides, you’re the one who pissed us off the most, remember? Us messing with your friends is just another way to get to you. Why on earth would we spare them if that’s what you want?”

“Heidi wanting to leave was her choice! You and the rest of your gang treated her like shit and she had every right to bounce! I don’t see why torturing me and my family is payback!”

“She wouldn’t have left in the first place if you just agreed to be with her, whore! She owed us a lot of money too, but you know what? We thought about just having you and your friends pay us back every dime and force one of you to be in our gang, but there was no fun in that. So here we are.” He spat. “You’re next and we already have a plan for you. You won’t make it until the end of the day a free woman.” 

Yeah, Gloria already knew that it was only a matter of time before they come after her. As much as she would love to fight them and stand up for herself, she was severely outnumbered and one wrong move on her end could mean something fatal for anyone she cared about. She couldn’t fight T-bag on this and it made her mad that she had to give up so easily. The best she could do was keep her hotel room locked and hope it would hold them off as long as possible. “Let me talk to Gyro.”

There was no answer, but Gloria could hear the phone being moved around. 

Eventually, a weak voice responded. 

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, Gyro.” Gloria sighed in relief. “Listen, I know it’s scary right now but you’re going to have to fight and overcome whatever they might try to do to you, okay? They’re trying to break you down but you need to make sure that doesn’t happen. T-bag said that they're getting me tonight… I love you.” She had to be quick with her response. She had no idea how long T-bag would allow them to stay on the phone.

“Glo-”

Gyro couldn’t even finish saying her name before the phone was ripped away from him.

“Alright, I’m sure whatever you said was very sweet. Toodles!” The line went dead. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Tina walked into the living room with Boyd over her shoulder. It was a different Airbnb and she had to drive over after they had picked up Mark and dropped him off someplace else. 

She dropped the kid on the floor. 

“Here ya go, T-dawg!” She winked at him. “Like I said earlier, I guess he’s dead or something? Dunno how that happened.” 

Gyro was sitting on the couch in the meantime, along with Vic, while Tina and T-bag were having a lovely conversation.

Oh yeah, C-note was in the corner but no one cares about him. He was just there. 

T-bag looked down at Boyd before back up at Gyro. “Who gives a shit. Anyways, the first thing we’re going to have you do is take him apart. We could use his parts for our new bikes. I’m sure you can manage that can’t you? He’s already dead so that takes some of the pressure off of you.”

Gyro gulped and started shaking uncontrollably. He gripped onto the bottom cushions of the couch to try to go unnoticed, but it was obvious how unnerved and horrified he was either way. He looked up at T-dawg and Gyro was ashamed that he would see how glassy his eyes were. “How did he- how did he die?” 

He knew Tina already said she didn’t know, but he still hoped for some sort of explanation. She shrugged “Like I said, I dunno. He was dead when I showed up.”

Gyro paused before looking over at Tina since she was the one who answered him. He gripped the cushions harder. He had a feeling he knew what happened. “... Ellie killed him, didn’t she?” 

“Probably? She was crying over him. Didn’t know robots could do that but I also didn’t know robots could feel pain so yeah. There was no one else around him. Maybe that bitch cracked.”

He stood up and bawled his fists. Tears were running down his face but he didn’t let out any sobs. 

Damnit! He knew Ellie was a loose cannon but this was insane! She must’ve tore out wires from within his head and made sure he went through tremendous pain like the monster she was! 

He looked at T-bag while his fingernails dug into his palms. His voice remained emotionless despite him crying. “Where are the tools?” 

T-bag looked over at C-note “C-note! Do something for once and get the tools out of the closet will ya?”

“Oh? I’m being useful to the plot for once? That’s new.” He walked over to the closet that was literally 5 feet away and took out the tool box before slamming it down onto the old, wooden coffee table. “There ya go. I assume that’s all I’ll be doing for the next few chapters?” C-note didn’t sound too happy. 

“Yeah pretty much. Just go stand in the corner like you always do.” T-bag shooed him away.

C-note scoffed but did what he was told. It sucked he was the character that was forgotten about. Why couldn’t it have been Vic? He was just a twink!

Moving on, Gyro grabbed the tool box and slowly walked over to Boyd before getting on the ground to sit beside him. At a certain point, his emotions just shut down, but he was shaking more and more by the moment. It made it immensely hard to go through the tools properly but he eventually got what he needed and got to work. 

While he was removing limbs, with sickening cracks coming from the tools, he spoke up. “Are there any specific parts you need?” 

“Nope not really.”

That sickened Gyro. They truly were getting a kick out of this. 

It only took an hour to take apart mode, but quicker than Gyro had expected, but maybe it had been more than that. Time seemed to be just an illusion to him at that point. 

He looked up at T-bag, with reddened eyes and Boyd’s parts scattered all around the floor.

“Is that all you need?” He spat. It was the most emotion he had shown all day. 

T-bag walked back over to where Gyro had been working and looked over all the metal scraps on the floor. “Yeah pretty much. We’ll give you something to do tomorrow.” He looked over at C-Note again “Take the tools and carry them out with us, will ya? You’re not too busy to do that, right?” He laughed at his own joke.

C-note wasn’t amused and snatched up the box Gyro was so kind to pack up. “Fuck you, dude. I dunno why the authors give you so much attention.” He muttered swears under his breath and exited the house to wait for T-bag to follow after he was finished doing whatever the fuck he was doing. 

There wasn’t anything T-bag wanted to say to him. He kicked a piece of Boyd out of the way when he walked past and headed to the exit. He turned around and looked over at his girlfriend. “Tina, keep watch. Vic? You’re a twink so there’s no reason for you to be here. C’mon.”

“O-okay…” That actually hurt Vic’s feelings, but he got up and followed T-bag out the door.

Tina didn’t say anything. She just rolled her eyes. Man, T-bag always gave her the lame jobs. 

She watched Gyro who was still sitting on the floor, in a ball, staring at all the ‘work’ he just did.

His eyes widened and Tina could tell it was because he realized that he did all of that for no reason at all. T-bag didn’t even bother to go through the parts for his motorcycle, he simply watched the kid be destroyed and left without a word. Not to mention he took the tool box with him.

It was that that broke Gyro and Tina saw it happened. His face morphed into one of disgust with himself before he broke out into a sob, burying his face into his hands.

Tina smirked.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	41. One-Legged Space

Gyro sat at the base of the couch, not even on it, hugging his knees. It looked to be early morning, maybe 7 am? Needless to say, he hadn’t slept a wink last night. 

C-note was kind enough, arguably, to gather up Boyd’s parts and put it in the corner so Gyro didn’t have to look at what was once a little definitely real boy. But Gyro knew C-note only did that so T-bag wouldn’t trip over it when he came back in; that or he was a clean freak. Nobody knew anything about C-note, not even the authors. 

A vehicle could be heard pulling into the driveway. It seemed like T-bag and Vic were ready to start the day extra early. Yay. Gyro was too dead inside to even be scared. 

This was probably some sort of vengeance from the universe after killing his dad in cold blood. 

Gyro could hear the gang members coming into the Airbnb and talking amongst themselves. He couldn’t hear exactly what they were saying though but their voices and footsteps did get louder so he knew they were about to come in.

T-bag was the first to enter. He made his way to the chair that was in front of the couch. Gyro didn’t move or show any acknowledgement that T-bag was even in the room. “Good mornin’!” T-bag said in an usually cheery tone. It was obviously fake.

As to be expected, Gyro didn’t look at him nor say anything.

T-bag ‘tsked’ as you see in anime. “Don’t be like that, bud!” He didn’t wait for a response before turning during the door. “Get your ass in here, Vic! What’s taking you so long!”

There was a “S-sorry!” From the other side of the door, before it creaked open. Vic was heaving heavily and, honestly, it sounded like he was about to cry. 

He dropped something on the floor but Gyro didn’t bother to look, that is, until a long moment of silence passed, causing T-bag to clear his throat. Gyro rolled his eyes before looking over at what he was supposed to see; he honestly assumed it was going to be Ellie but he gasped when he saw a knocked out Gloria with a bag over her head, classic cliche kidnapped stuff. 

He scooted back before looking up at T-bag, horrified. “You- you said you wouldn’t hurt her if I did what you said!” There was a croak in his voice after refusing to talk for the longest time. 

“Vic.” T-bag looked over at Vic, signaling him to take the bag off of Gloria’s head. He did and awkwardly shuffled away from where her body was lying. T-bag turned his attention back to Gyro while gesturing to Gloria “See? I kept my promise. She isn’t dead, just knocked out."

“Why did you bring her here?! You want me to kill her don’t you?!” Gyro shook his head throughout his sentence and backed up further on the floor. “I’d rather kill myself first!” 

T-bag was actually surprised. He wasn’t planning on Gyro killing Gloria at all. He just brought her into the room to fuck with Gyro’s sanity a bit more before he threw her into another room. But hey, this was fucking Gyro up a lot more then he intially thought so he might as well roll with it. “If you kill yourself and not hold up your end of our deal with killing anyone we say, then we every right to harm and kill her ourselves.”

Vic was just as surprised. He kept looking between T-bag and C-note. C-note was there too. He was in the corner again next to the pile of Boyd’s parts. He wasn’t paying attention to what was going on really. He was just daydreaming. Vic, not knowing T-bag was just screwing with Gyro, tried to protest. “W-wait but-”

T-bag held a hand up to silence him, which Vic did immediately. Vic felt really guilty. He didn’t approve of the kind of twisted torture he was having Gyro go through. Even if he wasn’t going to kill Gloria. Just the thought of it alone is fucked up.

“You said if I followed orders then you wouldn’t harm her! You’re the one not keeping your end of the promise!” Gyro thought about taking one of Boyd’s scrap parts to use as a weapon, but that was a little too fucked up so he remained on the floor, cowering. 

“You’re right. We wouldn’t harm her. But I didn’t promise anything about you harming her now did we?” T-bag shrugged and continued “I honestly don’t care if you kill her or not. Beat her up. Burn her. Rip her apart like you did the kid… Totally up to you. You seem creative enough to figure something out on your own.”

“No!” He bawled up and dug his face into his knees so he didn’t have to look at T-bag or Gloria. Plus he didn’t want to give anyone in the room the satisfaction of seeing him cry again. “If she’s going to get hurt either way then, like I said, I’ll kill myself before that happens! That’s what you want, right? Me to end up dead after all of this.” Toward the end of his sentence his voice became more weak. 

T-bag signaled at Vic again. Vic sighed and put the bag over Gloria’s head again before dragging her out of the room. It was struggling considering the man had no muscles in his twink body. It kind of pissed him off that he was the one to carry her around considering T-bag was stronger. T-bag got up from his chair and stepped closer to Gyro to see if he would look at him. “Okay! Have it your way, I’m easy.” The way T-bag said that was so nonchalant and calm, it made it even more disturbing. 

Damn. Gyro didn’t think he would get this far. There was definitely more to this. He may have been in the wrong state of mind, but he wasn’t stupid.

“...then what are you going to make me do?” 

T-bag smirked. “Well I figured you might want some payback on Ellie for what she did to Boyd. I want you to take off a limb or two. Don’t kill her though. I want her to be alive long enough to feel everything. Think you could do that?”

That earned a sick smile from Gyro. “Yeah. I think I can do that.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Dingles was currently licking the last of his Leopold’s ice cream off his fingers before he looked back down at Mark who was just chilling on the floor.

“You know, I don’t think Tina likes me and it really hurts my feelings.” 

Mark finished his ice cream too and chucked his empty Leopold’s cup in the corner. There wasn’t a trash can. He gasped “Omg Dingles noooooooo! Why do you think that? I’m sure she does! She’s probably just on her period or something.”

That didn’t make Dingles feel any better. “Then she must be on her period all month long.” He muttered. “And plus she always calls me an idiot and complains when I’m teamed up with her. She even called me a sidekick! Like… I thought we were equals, ya know?” 

Mark shook his head in disbelief “She doesn’t deserve you, man. But hey, I’ll be here for… idk how long but you’re welcome to come and vent to me anytime! I’m here for ya, bro!”

Dingles’ smile returned. “Hey, thanks! That’s super nice of you considering we kidnapped you and whatever!” He suddenly gasped. “O-M-G! So, you know how I got ordained and wed you and Heidi? Well, like, if you make it out of here can I be the priest or whatever they’re called at you and the robot’s wedding?! That’d look really good on my resume!” 

“Dude, I would be so honored if you officiated me and Ellie’s wedding!” He went from being super happy to really sad in an instant. “Although, I don’t think we will be getting out of here anytime soon. I would love to help you out, bud, with your resume and all, but we are kinda stuck here. Ya know, if there’s a way you could get us out of here…?” He trailed off.

Dingles, being an idiot, didn’t pick up the fact Mark was trying to be manipulative. 

“That’s okay! I have a backup plan! I can just wed you guys before you die! Sound good?!” 

“Nope. No dice, bro. I kinda wanna stay alive after I get married if it’s cool with you. I’m sure you could understand that, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, totes!” He didn’t go on from there and took out his phone to start watching Pewdiepie. 

Mark was about to scoff and be a little bitch when Tina opened the door. “Dingles! You mind standing guard outside?”

“Can I still watch Pewdiepie?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, you fucking can’t! What are you? 12?”

Dingles frowned. “I wish I was…” He stuffed his phone back into his pocket before Tina waltzed in; she whispered something into his ear before he closed the door behind him.

“So…” Putting her hands behind her back, she slowly walked over to Mark before crouching down in front of him. She patted his knee. “How ya doing, Marky?” 

Mark finally scoffed and shoved her hand away. “Ummmm not great, actually.”

“Aw, that sucks.” She laughed, so obviously it was great for her. “Anyway, I figured you would want this.” She fished around in her pocket for a second before pulling out Ellie’s engagement ring and throwing it at his chest. It fell onto his lap. 

Mark picked up the ring to get a closer look at it. He shot Tina an even more pissed off look than he previously was. “What the hell?! What did you do?!” He was ready to fight Tina but he wasn’t going to. He knew he would lose.

“Nothing! Well, actually something but you’ll find out soon enough.” She chuckled before turning her head toward the door. “Yo, Dingles! Get your ass in here.” When there was no answer she scoffed. “I SWEAR TO DUCK JESUS, YOU BETTER NOT BE WATCHING PEWDIEPIE!”

There was still more silence on the other end before there was an awkward cough. “Umm… no I wasn’t.” 

Tina glared even though he couldn’t see her, but within a few seconds he entered the room with Ellie in front of him, holding her arms behind her so she couldn’t try anything funny, or as funny as she could with no hands. 

She looked dead inside, almost as dead inside as Gyro which was saying a lot. 

Dingles shoved Ellie forward and onto the floor. She fell a few feet in front of Mark onto her side, her head hitting the cement and cracking the side of her face. The only reaction she gave was blinking a few times. 

Mark’s eyes drifted from Ellie’s now cracked face to her hands, or rather, lack of. There were cracks going up her arms from where they had been improperly and crudely removed. 

The look on his face only earned a smirk out of Tina. She crossed her arms. “Out of the kindness of my heart I decided you two should be together.” 

“Shit… oh shit oh shit…” Mark whispered out. He was in complete shock. He gently raised Ellie’s arms up with both of his hands, tracing his thumbs alongside the cracks. Ellie was motionless and wasn’t responsive when Mark quickly wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. There really wasn't anything else he could do at the moment. All of his dread turned into anger again. Anger he directed at Tina. “I’ll kill you. I swear to God I will kill you, Tina! No one fucks with Mark Beaks and gets away with it!” His voice was rising in volume after every sentence to the point where he was practically yelling into Ellie’s ear.

Tina put her hands up in surrender. “Duck Jesus, I’m getting death threats left and right with you guys. I am doing you a favor here so be thankful. I didn’t give you time with the kid and I could’ve easily done the same with her but I didn’t.” She smirked. Really she just brought Ellie over because it would fuck with his brain and get him to stop being snarky for one fucking second. “Anyway, you two have fun together while you can. Chicken Dweeb will be over in five for reasons I assume you can guess.” She winked at Mark before heading out. “Oh and Dingles, continue to keep an eye on them.” The door locked and shut behind her. 

Dingles sighed in relief. He was going to complain about how rude Tina was to him again but Mark kind of seemed like a bit of a mess at the moment so he decided to mind his damn business and continue to watch Pewdiepie. He plugged in his airpods to give them privacy in their conversation, if they had one. Dingles is the man we all need in our lives. 

Ellie looked up at Mark which was a sign she was somewhat responsive. Internally, she thought it was hilarious, in a sick way, that she acted like such a badass but as soon as she got kidnapped whatever confidence she had always left her. She was like a two sided coin with nothing else to it. 

Mark noticed that Ellie was looking at him so he pulled away from the hug so he could look at her better. “Are you hurt? What happened?!” They were pretty stupid questions to ask, yeah, but he really needed to hear it from her. His eyes kept darting from her eyes, to the new crack on her cheek, to her arms. Mark didn’t know what Tina meant by her statement about Gyro and didn’t think much of it. 

She ignored his questions because they were indeed very stupid in her mind.

“...Boyd despises me.” Ellie croaked out. “He hates us both more than anything but he kept quiet all this time.” 

“What?” That wasn’t what he was expecting Ellie to say but dealt with it considering how very little time they had to talk before Tina came back. “No, not Boyd. He loves you.”

She shook her head. “He told me himself. He wants to get away from us.” That second part wasn’t something Boyd directly said, but it was true nonetheless. “You are a sorry excuse of a villain and I am a psychopathic murderer. Do you really believe he loves us? Or even likes us? Do not kid yourself.” 

Mark knew Ellie was very upset right now so he didn’t take her insult too harshly. “None of us are really doing okay right now, Ellie. I’m sure as soon as we get outta here and back home, he’ll go back to being his cute self. Everything will be alright because I’ll fix your arms and you and Boyd will make up. We just have to get through… all of this right now.”

She shook her head again. “I am not going to make it out this time, Mark. I believe plot protection can only go so far. Just look at me. Tina is retrieving Gyro to take me apart just as he did Boyd. Against his will I am sure, but he did it nonetheless. And I am next. There is a chance he may be able to grab a hold of my flash drive and core processor, but I doubt whoever is standing guard will let that happen, but…” Ellie didn’t show it but she was in so much pain that she had to stop speaking for a second before she was able to continue. “But I was able to grab Boyd’s data and core processor when no one was in the room. You take it, it is in my pocket. I am sure Dingles will not notice if you do so.” She nudged her head downward to gesture to which pocket it was. “Rebuild him when you get back to Duckburg and let him live with Gyro. That is what he wants so allow him to make his own decision.” 

Mark did what she told him and fished the flash drive and core processor out of Ellie’s pocket, putting it in his cardigan pocket for safe keeping. “No, that’s not gonna happen, Ellie! I won’t let it!” He shook his head before continuing with a more well thought out reply. “Okay okay, if it’s true that Gyro is going to take you apart, then he and I will make sure that all of your data will be saved. I don’t think these losers will know any difference so we might be able to do it without any problems. I don’t want to have to rebuild you again but if that’s what needs to be done, I’ll do it. I’ll figure everything out, okay?”

“Thank you, Mark.” Ellie smiled weakly. “I lo-”

The door slammed open, interrupting Ellie, and in stormed a fuming Gyro; Tina closed the door behind him, it looked like she was going to be standing guard outside for now. Along with T-bag and Vic who were most likely there as well. 

Dingles knew some shit was going to go down and he didn’t want to listen to it. It wasn’t his business. But he also didn’t want to keep watching Pewdiepie because he was getting bored. He decided to start listening to ABBA, along with watching the music video of course. It was obviously Dancing Queen.

Gyro’s fists were balled up, as his right hand, the one that had been stabbed through, painfully held the same tool kit he used to break Boyd apart. He pulled Ellie away from Mark before throwing her down and standing over her. He strangely had a lot of strength when he was angry so Ellie crashed down easily.

“Dude! What the hell is your problem?!” Mark stood up and shoved Gyro.

Gyro shut that down real quick. He grabbed Mark by his shirt collar and slammed him against the wall. “Stay the fuck back, Mark! This monster deserves what’s coming to her!” He gestured to Ellie with the toolbox.

“Dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeeeeeeeennnn!” Dingles didn’t mean to, but he started singing out loud. The music was on blast and everyone could hear the music coming from his airpods, but it went ignored considering the current situation. Even by Mark so you knew it was serious.

Gyro’s aggression didn’t even phase Ellie. She just stared at the ceiling; another part of her face had cracked on impact. “Calling me a monster is rather rude, even if it is true.” Her tone was absent of emotion. “What did I do that got you so riled up, Gyro? Did I accidentally step on your toothbrush and ruin the bristles?”

Damn. You knew Ellie was not pleased if she was getting that sassy and sarcastic. 

Gyro let go of Mark and focused on Ellie instead and scoffed. “Don’t act so smug! You know what you did! You tortured and shut Boyd down!” He dropped his toolkit on the ground and crouched down in front of it to start rummaging through the tools. “I should’ve known you would do something horrible like this! I can’t believe I was so foolish to think that you would be a good guardian for Boyd!” Gyro was too angry to start crying over Boyd again despite it still being a very painful subject for him to talk about. 

“I was foolish to think I would be a good guardian as well. He will be living with you when you get back to Duckburg. I promised him that much.” 

“Well that can’t happen now that he’s gone. I had to take him apart and I didn’t find his flash drive. Those bastards must’ve known about it and taken it. I’m not sure how they knew to look for it but he’s gone. There’s nothing I can do to bring him back even if I wanted to.” Gyro wasn’t making eye contact with Ellie. He was still rummaging through the different tools. However, the first tool that he needed, he already found. At this point he was just doing something with his hands while he spoke. He wanted and needed to dismantle one of Ellie’s limbs but he also wanted to hear what she had to say before doing so.

“Oh, I see. You think I brutally murdered him. Is that what they told you? I do not blame you or them for thinking that. I am pretty sick, aren’t I?” She spoke softly and was still staring at the ceiling. “I did not want him to feel pain so I powered him down and took out his flash drive and core processor. I gave them to Mark because I most likely will not make it out of here, but I know you and Mark will.” She wasn’t aware Gloria had been kidnapped yet. “All he wants is to stay with you, Gyro. You do not have to worry about Mark.” 

His eyes widened and he whipped his head around to look at Mark, holding out his hand. “Give me his flash drive! Now!”

“God, chill.” Mark inched his way over because he was a bit freaked out by Gyro’s aggression, but he wasn’t showing it in his tone. Gyro was kinda a freak and Mark made a mental note to tweet about it later. Needless to say, he dug out the flash drive and core processor, placing them in Gyro’s hand before putting up his own hands and backing away. “There. Happy?”

Dingles didn’t notice any of this going on, his eyes were closed and he started to dance a little bit. “You can dance, you can jive! Having the time of your life!”

Gyro safely tucked Boyd’s flashdrive and processor into his pocket. He was finally able to calm down a bit knowing that Ellie didn’t brutally murder Boyd, she was simply protecting him from trauma. He finally grabbed the first few tools he needed and gripped all of them in his hand before dropping them on the ground next to Ellie. He closed his eyes and sighed. “Alright… T-bag sent me here to remove a limb, Ellie. It’s not my choice to do this… Let me make it easier on you and power off the part of your programming that makes you feel so you will stop being in pain. A limb is only the first part today. It’s only going to get worse.” He was hardly asking for her approval. He was definitely going to shut off her ability to feel. 

She looked at him and shook her head. “Please do not do that. I- I want to feel. I do not want to be reminded that I am just some… some robot. Like a toy.” Ellie knew he was going to do it anyway so she didn’t even know why she bothered to say anything. It was pretty ironic she was in the exact same position that she had put Boyd in. 

“I’ll fix it later if we ever get out of here. It won’t be permanent.” He didn’t give her a chance to protest again. It took a few minutes but Gyro eventually found the part inside her programming that gave her the ability to feel. He reversed the wires around, causing it to not function anymore. He didn’t damage anything and made sure that it was a very easy fix. He sighed again and went back to his tools.

Mark was sitting there quietly which came to a surprise to both Ellie and Gyro. He was left alone with his thoughts while he watched Gyro work. He made sure to pay attention to what Gyro did with Ellie’s programming just in case he needed to fix anything himself in the future.

Gyro was slow and careful to remove the bottom half of Ellie’s leg. He stopped where her knee was, having all of the parts of her foot and leg sprawled out around the three of them. It was easier for Gyro to remove Ellie’s leg knowing that she was unable to feel it. Though, he did mention to her while he worked that she should probably act like she could still feel. So if T-bag or anyone else attempted to hurt her, she would have to scream and cry as if she was feeling the pain. There was small talk here and there. Mostly between Mark and Ellie but for the most part the entire room was silent with the occasional ABBA song lyric sung out by Dingles.

When Gyro was done he wiped his forehead with his arm and started putting all of the tools back in the toolkit. He got up off the floor and looked at Ellie and Mark. “Alright.” There wasn’t anything else he could say to them. He walked towards Dingles and the door he came from and knocked on it, signaling that he was finished. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

T-bag slammed the door open of the new Airbnb they put Gloria in, C-note had moved homes (aka stations) and was watching over her while he Vic to watch over Gyro. T-bag made sure to chain up Gyro considering Vic was a twink.

“Is she up yet?” It wasn’t really a question that needed to be asked considering he could see Gloria sprawled out on the couch with her hands tied behind her back and her ankles bound.

C-note predictably shook his head.

“Goddamnit.” T-bag stomped over to the kitchen, grabbed one of its many glasses and filled it with cold water. As cold as he could make it. He made his way back over to Gloria, dumping it onto her face. 

Gloria bolted awake but couldn’t move due to her restraints. She glared at T-bag with wet hair covering some of her face. “What the fuck?!” If Gloria literally wasn’t kidnapped right now, she would’ve taken the opportunity to quote that vine where that girl had water poured on her and said ‘Hello?’.

T-bag gave a toothy smile. “Good morning, sweetheart! How ya doing?”

“Horrible, thanks for asking.” She tried to wiggle out of her wrist restraints to see if she could untie herself but they were too tight on her for her to do anything about it. Same with her ankles. 

“Should I give you another update on what’s going on?” He pushed her over to sit beside her on the couch. 

Gloria scooted as far away as she could from him on the couch. She didn’t say anything. She knew he was just going to tell her anyways. 

“Don’t go quiet on me now.” He joked, but he continued on anyway. “Your boyfriend is falling deeper into insanity, I made him take the kid apart after all. He’s working on the other robot slowly to make sure it’s going through a lot of pain and we haven’t exactly tortured Billionaire Bitch yet, but seeing his fiance in pain and slowly torn apart is kinda fucking him up which I suppose is good enough for the moment.” T-bag waited for her response before he told her the plans he had in store for her. 

She stared at the floor while he spoke and shook her head. “You’re fucking crazy.” She spat. She started to look around the room to get to know her surroundings There were windows in the room but all of them had the blinds closed, making it impossible for her to look out the window and even tell what street she was on.

“As for you, I know a guy in Cincinnati, Ohio. Head of the local mob. The name’s Freddoccino. He’s a real nice guy. Anyway, he’s been looking for a wife if you get what I’m laying down on the table.” He smirked. “You’re a pretty one so I’m sure he’d pay a lot for you. But I’d be willing to give you away for free if need be.” 

Gloria started to laugh. Not because it was funny, but rather she was in shock and disbelief. She was assuming torture and a slow death like everyone else. “You’re kidding right? That’s your plan for me? Why?”

He shrugged. “Torture gets boring, ya know? I figured I could shake it up a bit. Freddoccino is a good guy and I owe him and I know he’ll appreciate having you around. I bet Heidi wishes she was him.” T-bag scooted closer to Gloria just to make her uncomfortable and nothing else. “Consider yourself lucky for not being slowly dismembered like your friend. Though, I bet Freddoccino won’t hesitate if you misbehave so you should watch what you say and how you behave. You’re pretty feisty as is. I should probably mention that old Freddy has had six wives in the past and they all didn’t work out...” 

She scoffed “Oh, he sounds like such a nice guy.” 

“He’s even nicer than me.” T-bag wrapped his arm around her causing Gloria to cringe. Man, she wanted to smack him so bad. Tina probably would if she was in the room. “Any questions or should we just chill for a bit? I can turn on the news or something.” He gestured to the tv in front of them. 

She tried scooting further away from him but there wasn’t any more couch left on her side to do so. “Yeah. What about my family? Are they coming to Cincinnati too? What will happen to them there?” 

“God, why do you call them family?” He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, they’re coming. We can’t idle around Savannah much longer since Fred is waiting on us. As for what will happen to them there, you already know. Torture continues on and then…” He swung his hand across his throat. “Of course, I’ll sell them off if the mob wants them, I’ve sold people for them to torture before. It’s a pass time for them. But as for your robot friend, it’s possible it might not make it to Cincinnati. It’s pretty far gone already.” 

Gloria felt tears forming in the back of her eyes. She lowered her head so she could hide the fact that she was crying. “Can’t selling me to this mob guy be enough for you?! Please just let my family go already. They don’t deserve any of this.”

“You kidding me? Of course they deserve it!” He was practically wheezing, partially because Gloria was crying. “Did you forget that you all tried to blow us up in a gas station? Not to mention I know each and every one of you have blood on your hands. The only one who didn’t deserve anything was the kid, but he’s already gone so no need to worry about that.” He squeezed her tight like a sort of side hug as if he had just pulled some practical joke on his love interest or something of the sort. “Beg all you want, sweety, but nothing you can do can change the outcome. I’m just giving you the deets.” 

She tried wiggling away from him but, like the restraints, it wouldn’t budge. “Then I guess I’m just going to have to kill you.” That didn’t sound nearly as threatening as she would’ve hoped because she was still crying. You would think Gloria would’ve learned her lesson not to smack talk the people who hold her hostage after all of the blows to the head from Steelbeak but here we are.

Now that didn’t amuse T-bag in the least bit. His laughs halted in their tracks as he stared at her for a good moment. “That wasn’t very nice. With that type of attitude you’ll be meat in Freddoccino’s cooler by next week.” His tone was cold, like the theoretical cooler he just mentioned. “I’d love to hurt you but as long as your boyfriend keeps doing as he’s told, I won’t. I’m a man of my word.” 

T-bag knew she was just going to continue crying and begging or say something else he didn’t want to hear, so he grabbed the remote and turned the television on to the local news.

“We leave tomorrow morning.” He muttered.

The conversation ended after that.   
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	42. The Red Wedding

Mark was playing dubstep music… on his harmonica. How did he get a harmonica you ask? Well, he asked Dingles, and Dingles had one on him at all times for some reason. Turns out Mark was hella good at it too, but that didn’t make the ride to Cincinnati any better. Even good harmonica music gets boring after awhile. 

The four sat in the back of the van on the floor, much like a hippie van layout, but a bit larger considering all the gang members were up front. Except Dingles, he was chilling in the back with them just in case anyone tried anything funny, not that they could, considering they were all restrained.

Gyro didn’t say anything, but he guessed they were almost there. They had been driving for what seemed like nine hours or so, not that he could check. But a giveaway was that there was a city in the distance.

Eventually Gyro groaned and looked over at Mark “Can you please shut the fuck up? The last thing I want to hear before I die is you playing your damn harmonica.” 

Mark stopped playing and scoffed, putting the harmonia away in his cardigan pocket. “You’re just jealous that I’m hella good at playing the harmonica and you’re not. Boom. Roasted.”

“Well I thought it was great, Mark!” Dingles spoke up finally.

Mark smiled and bumped his chest in respect for Dingles.

Gyro surprisingly snapped at Dingles rather than Mark. “You can shut the fuck up too. You act all innocent and nice, but you’re still one of the gang members. Don’t think you’re on any of our good sides so go screw yourself.”

Dingles sniffled. “...damn, dawg.” He took out his phone to watch Pewdiepie again instead, it would distract him from crying. “We’ll be there in thirty minutes by the way.” That was the last thing he said before he plugged in his airpods. 

Tina heard that and turned around with a smug smile on her face. “That means you should say your goodbyes.” There didn’t need to be any further explanation. She continued to stare before turning around again to continue talking about the latest 90 day fiance episode with T-bag and Vic. 

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to save any of you… except you, Mark.” Gyro didn’t see the look Mark gave him because he turned to Gloria. “I tried so hard to save you, Gloria. I’m sorry. But I hope they keep their promise and won’t let you get hurt.” 

Gloria shook her head “You have nothing to apologize for, Gyro… But no, they won’t keep their promise. They’re going to sell me away as a bride to this mob guy. A guy who has a wife killing streak.” It was surprising that she didn’t mention that sooner on the car ride but then again, Mark was playing the harmonica the whole time. There wasn’t an opportunity to until now.

Gyro tried to come up with a response that was reassuring in any way but he couldn’t. The situation they were in now was a lot different from the others. They always had some plan or some glimmer of hope, but the plotline didn’t seem to be going in that direction this time, even if some of the gang members were fucking idiots. “...then I can only hope I’ll be tortured way more than you will be in return.” He said like the edgy bitch he was. 

Shockingly, Ellie moved her head so she could look at him. She hadn’t spoken or moved for the entirety of the car ride; not even to Gloria. But everyone was too mentally drained to react to her all that much. “Do not talk like that, Gyro. You need to be the one to get out of here for Boyd’s sake. You have to rebuild him. You have to. None of us have to make it out of here but he does.”

He didn’t respond to that because he couldn’t lie to her. Rebuilding Boyd wasn’t going to happen so all he could do was ignore her. Ellie seemed to have gotten the message either way and looked away from everyone again. All she could think about was that she deserved what was coming to her for everything she did in the past. From killing people to basically kidnapping Boyd. To be honest, she thought they all had it coming but now wasn’t the time and it shouldn’t be mentioned, so she kept quiet. She wanted to say something to Mark specifically, but she just didn’t know what. 

“I dunno, Y’all. I think we will just get out of here no problem. We always do! There’s no point in having sad boi hours.” Either Mark was in denial or just very, very stupid. Probably both.

“I am sorry but I do not believe that is the case this time, Mark.” Ellie whispered. She really wasn’t in the mood to deal with his way of thinking at the moment. She didn’t even care about coming off as mean. They were going to die anyway, so why did it matter?

The rest of the ride was quiet. No one knew what to say so the best thing to do was stay quiet and keep their internal and racing thoughts to themselves, not that much buzzed around in Mark’s head but he didn’t really matter. 

The van finally pulled over to the side of the street in a not so nice part of town. It was busy outside but not with the type of people you would want to be around. They all looked like they had seen some shit or were in the midst of shit. Or both. 

The car was parked in front of a rundown Italian restaurant, you know the kind. Honestly, Gloria found this pretty cliche and offensive to Italian people but whatever. It’s not like the mob was considerate. 

“Alright,” T-bag turned around. “You’re coming with me and Vic, Gloria. C-note, Tina, Dingles, you know where to take the others.” He opened the door and slammed it shut, followed by Vic. When he opened the back doors he glared at Gloria, wearing his signature smirk as per usual. “Alright. I’ll give you one more goodbye because I’m just that nice.” 

Tina took T-bag’s spot up front to drive while Gloria thought of something to say, if she was going to say anything at all. 

She looked over at Mark first. Getting the easy goodbye out of the way first. “Ya know, Mark, we’ve always seemed to be imprisoned together. After a while I’ve grown to consider you to be a friend. You get on my nerves, yes, but a friend nonetheless.”

Gloria then directed her attention to Ellie. “Ellie, you’re honestly one of my best friends that I’ve ever had. Even though we always get caught up in awful situations. Like the one we are in now. We still found the time to be chaotic and do fun things together. I’m going to miss that and I’m going to miss you.”

She finally looked over at Gyro, knowing this was going to be the most painful goodbye. “Gyro… I’m at a loss for words to be honest. I don’t have all the time I need to tell you how much I love you and how badly I’m going to miss you.” Gloria started crying at this point. “Thank you for always being there for me and for always supporting me. I know I could be a lot at times but you were always patient.” Well, patient for the most part but now wasn’t the time to mention that. “I’m so glad I met you, Gyro. I love you.”

Mark was actually crying. People never viewed him as a friend. Next to Ellie, Gloria was all he had when it came to someone who saw passed his fame and for who he was. And tolerated who he was. “Man. You’re pretty lit, Glo. If I get my phone back I’ll tweet your eulogy.” 

Ellie and Gyro were both bawling, much more so than Mark. 

Ellie didn’t say anything, she just looked away from her, which actually broke Gloria’s heart. 

But Gyro kept his gaze on her; it was strong but his voice was weak. 

“I love you too, Gloria and I so sorry for everything. All the times I’ve been rude to you, especially at the camp all that time ago. I’m sorry for not helping you with your addictions, I just stood there and watched like a horrible person. I’m sorry for being mean to literally everyone. And most of all, I’m sorry I couldn’t get us out of this situation. I know I already said this but I tried, I really did. I love you.” 

Gloria started crying as hard as Gyro and Ellie were. She kept shaking her head everytime Gyro apologized, trying to let him know that it was okay and that she forgave him. She was about to speak up again but T-bag felt like their goodbyes went on long enough. T-bag grabbed Gloria and hoisted her out of the van, making her stand on her feet outside. Vic held her arms so she couldn’t leave. She tried to break free again and get back to her family in the van but she was emotionally and physically exhausted. So much so that Vic’s twink strength was keeping her in place. T-bag chuckled and looked at everyone who was crying. “Wow. If you all weren’t about to die, I would say that you should work on writing those in Hallmark cards.” He waved goodbye to everyone in the back of the van with a fake smile before slamming the door close. He slapped the outside of the side of the car twice to signal Tina to drive.

T-bag was ‘nice’ enough to let Gloria watch the van drive away until it turned a corner. It was then he headed inside the restaurant, Vic pushing Gloria ahead of him to follow. 

The inside was as Italian as an Italian restaurant could get. Candles, red checkered tablecloth, brick over, and a whole lot of pizza. And the funny thing was no one in there was Italian which made it a bit more insensitive. Or not? You could argue either way. 

No one paid any mind to the fact both T-bag and Vic had guns, and that Vic was literally holding a sobbing Gloria hostage. It must’ve been a common thing. There were even families with children in there to make it more fucked up. 

With only candles lighting the room, it was rather dim, so hopefully Gloria could manage to spare children from seeing her sob. 

T-bag approached where the hostess was; she stood behind a counter with the very hot brick themed kitchen behind her. She was very sweaty and didn’t look comfortable in the least bit.

“We’re here to see Fred.”

That earned a horrified look from the hostess, only making her look more uncomfortable and perhaps sweat more, but it was hard to tell. “O-oh…” It took her a second to gather herself. “You must be T-bag.” 

T-bag nodded in response and without another word, the girl gestured for all three of them to follow her into the kitchen.

She looked scared and it reminded Gloria of her old self. Being caught up in a very dangerous situation she didn’t want to be in but was forced to for the sake of survival. Just being unlucky to be living in the wrong area with nowhere to go. 

None of the cooks or servers in the back paid any mind to them either. Eventually she approached the freezer and knocked three times before entering. She held out her hand for T-bag and the lot to wait outside for a few moments. When she entered, nothing could be heard considering how thick the door was but eventually she came out and nodded her head. “He’s ready to see you.”

T-bag nodded at her in return. “Thanks, babe.” He added a wink to that before entering the freezer himself, with Vic entering with Gloria from behind. 

Surprisingly, the inside wasn’t a freezer at all. It was a metal room with shelves, but it wasn’t cold. A bear rug was on the ground with what Gloria assumed were family photos on the wall, along with photos of… victims. The shelves held weapons, drugs, and a shit ton of money. 

Freddoccino himself sat behind a cocobolo desk and he looked like a classic mobster from the 20s. Expensive and old fashioned suit, an ungodly amount of golden rings and other jewelry, a cigar in hand, and a pistol on his desk. He was Italian so the name wasn’t racist at the very least. But it was still a very stupid name. 

No one was in the room but them and him, but it didn’t make it any less intimidating because he could take all three of them out with no problem based on his expression alone. 

T-bag didn’t say anything, instead he shoved Gloria forward, signalling her to introduce herself. 

Fred looked at her expectantly. 

Gloria was finally able to stop sobbing but there were still lots of tears streaming down her face. She looked down at the floor, not even bothering to make eye contact with the man in front of her. “So… I guess I should apologize… I come here into your house on the day that your daughter is to be married.” How Gloria was able to make a Godfather reference at a time like this, after everything that just happened is surprising even to her.

The room fell deathly silent, even more silent than it was when they first entered.

Fred took a puff of his cigar before leaning forward. “I’m sorry, young lady, but I don’t think I heard you correctly.” That was a warning for her to correct herself before things got very out of hand very quickly.

Even T-bag and Vic were lowkey concerned. Neither of them would be surprised that if Gloria pissed him off enough they would be going down too. 

She cleared her throat. Yep, that was a pretty dumb move. Guess he wasn’t a movie buff. “Ummm nothing. Sorry.” Gloria was still looking down at the floor. She figured it would be best if she didn’t see the look that Fred was giving her right now.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t kill you right now.” 

Now Gloria was getting worried. She knew that she was going to die, but she thought it wouldn’t be until there was a shady Italian wedding and a few months had passed. “O-oh um, I was told that you wanted a wife?” She asked that as a question, almost as if she was asking him if that was the correct answer. 

“Yeah. I do.” He eyed her up and down. “And you think you’re good enough to be my wife?” He sneered. Freddoccino looked truly insulted which made Gloria’s heart start to race. 

Gloria was kind of hoping T-bag would come in and help her out, considering this was all his idea. She finally looked up at Fred when she spoke. “I think so. Yes.” She sounded uncertain and she was internally hating all of this. But dying another day beats dying right now.

He scoffed, but it came out as more of a laugh. He sat there, staring at Gloria for a moment, before looking over at T-bag. “I don’t want her. She’s disgusting. Physically and verbally.”

T-bag was about to protest, but this was Freddoccino. The Freddoccino. “Yes, sir.” Was all he could manage to say.

Fred leaned back in his chair again and thought for another moment. “Bring me another woman by tomorrow or you’re all dead. The girl and your gang.” 

T-bag’s heart dropped and he knitted his hands together while he nodded. “Yes, sir. I’ll arrive at the same time.”

“You better.”

With that, he shooed them away. 

As they left the room, a small cockroach in a suit and with a metal antenna watched. He was small enough to go by unnoticed by all three of them. He recognized the girl, the one with glasses. She was the one that was friends with the robot and he wasn’t happy about that. Not in the least bit.

Vic closed the door behind him as politely as he could and as soon as it closed, T-bag grabbed Gloria’s wrist, immediately cutting off her circulation and pulling her in. 

Again, the employees walking about the kitchen paid them no mind. “This is just, great. Your stupid ass just couldn’t be good enough.” He spoke through gritted teeth before letting go and pushing her back for Vic to hold her hostage. T-bag walked in a quick circle, tugging at his hair, before he turned back to look at Gloria. “You’re not off the hook. Tina may be my gal, but I’m sure she’ll be okay with me having a side whore to use as I please. You and I are getting married. Tonight. Got it?” The way T-bag said “use as I please” was extremely unnerving. 

Her stomach dropped “What?! You’re fucking insane if you think I would ever marry you!” She had no clue what his logic was for him to just decide on marrying her like that. It made her sick to her stomach nonetheless. Gloria was relieved that she wouldn’t have to deal with the mob but that relief was very short lived considering now she was forced to stay with Heidi’s old gang instead.

“Refuse all you want but you know you don’t have a choice.” T-bag wasn’t amused anymore. He was pissed. “I said this before, but you’re lucky. I’ll be keeping you alive unlike your friends.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro, Mark were both sitting criss cross applesauce on the floor of an old abandoned warehouse with Dingles and Tina standing guard. Oh yeah, I guess C-Note was there too, whatever.

Considering Ellie only had one leg, the only thing she was able to do was prop herself up against the wall. 

The three of them all sat in silence for a while. Mark took out his harmonia out of his pocket just in case they were going to be there for a while more. He didn’t start playing right away. He just set it on his lap. Neither Ellie nor Gyro were happy about that.

Mark cleared his throat and broke the silence first. “Soooooo… we were finally able to ditch Glomgold.” That was the only good news he could think of given the circumstances.

As to be expected, neither Gyro or Ellie responded. At first, anyway. The two looked immensely dead inside but Ellie finally settled on saying something, despite that something being not so cheery. 

“They are going to kill me first, Mark. I know they are. I am not going to make it to the end of the day.” Ellie wiped her eyes with her arm like she actually was able to produce tears; it just seemed to be a new habit of hers when she was upset. She wanted to go over to Mark and just hug him but crawling over to him with one leg and no hands didn’t seem like it would go well so she stayed put. 

Mark spoke softly “Hey, no. You don’t know that Ellie. None of us know their plans.” He knew that his words wouldn’t help anything. All of them were going to die one way or another and it would happen in a matter of hours or days. Nothing was certain. He lowered his voice so only Ellie and Gyro could hear him “Look, while Tina and Dingles aren’t paying any attention to us let's try to figure out a plan on getting out of here, kay?”

Gyro looked over at him. “Just give in, Mark. We did. There’s nothing we can do.” He gestured to Ellie. “You really think she’d be able to escape to begin with?” 

“Dude, I would just carry her!” For a split second, Mark forgot that he had restraints around his wrists. “...okay I can carry her as soon as someone takes off the stupid restraints.”

Gyro was about to insult him when they heard footsteps coming their way. They all turned to see Tina coming towards them.

“Hey! What the hell are you three talking about?!”

Gyro wanted to slap Mark for grabbing her attention. Instead, he shook his head at Tina. “N-nothing.” He croaked out. “Just saying our final goodbyes is all.” 

Ellie may have been bad at lying, but her lie would have been more believable than whatever Gyro just spit out. 

Tina glared at Gyro, seeing right through his lie. She wasn’t in the mood. “Well I hope you said everything you wanted to say.” She went behind Ellie, bent down, and started to forcefully drag her away from Mark and Gyro. “The robot goes first!”

Ellie didn’t scream at first because she had to process what the fuck was going on, but based on the horrified looks Gyro and Mark wore, she put two and two together. That’s when she started to struggle, as best as you could with only arms and a leg. It wasn’t going so well. “Tina! Tina stop! Do not do this! You said you wanted me to die slowly!” Tina didn’t respond and Ellie tilted her head as best as she could to see where they were going. It was toward the exit so Ellie was going to be killed outside. That horrified her even more, being alone like that. “No! If you are going to kill me, kill me in here! Do not take me away from Mark! I do not want to die alone!” 

Tina ignored her pleas and continued to drag her along the floor. “Oh don’t worry! We will make sure that you will die as slowly as possible!”

For whatever reason, Ellie remembered at that moment that Dingles was ordained. 

Without thinking properly, Ellie blurted out the first thing that came to mind. She spoke before her robo brain could process her words. “Okay okay! You win! Just let me marry Mark before I die, that is my only request!” She screamed. If Ellie was going down, she was going down as a classy married woman. 

Tina stopped dragging her and let her go. Out of all of the things her victims screamed at her, that was the most surprising. “Seriously…?” Tina wasn’t expecting an answer so she continued. “I mean, I’ll kill you later so… yeah. Fine. Go get married, I guess. That’ll be pretty entertaining.” Even more fucked up that Tina was willing to watch a wedding happen only for her to kill the bride and groom shortly after. “Yo! Dingles!”

“Sup?” Dingles removed one airpod out of his ear to hear what Tina had to say. She was interrupting him listening to ABBA yet again.

“Get over here! You gotta officiate this wedding!”

Dingles beamed “Oh my god! Really?! That’ll be great! I can’t wait to add that to my resume!” He happily skipped over to everyone in the warehouse.

Tina dragged Ellie back closer to Mark, having the two of them sit side by side. She stood back and waited for the chaos to ensue.

Dingles sat down on the floor in front of Mark and Ellie, continuing to smile.

Gyro, who was very, very confused, decided it would be best if he scooted away from the “wedding ceremony”. 

Ellie just processed what she had said as soon as Dingles sat in front of them and she was mortified. Not only did she make herself look like a complete fool, but she also made that request without Mark’s permission. She was sure the last thing he wanted to do was get married to a broken robot in a warehouse before they were going to die. Not to mention the whole thing was hosted by gang members with the only attendee being Gyro. 

While Dingles was shuffling through his notecards to get them in order, she looked over at Mark to try to get a read on his expression.

It obviously wasn’t Mark Beaks’ ideal wedding, but, like Ellie, he knew that it was going to have to be now or never. He was hopeful in them escaping the gang members before any of them died though. However, on the off chance that they weren’t going to make it out alive, he would rather have a shitty abandoned warehouse wedding performed by one of their captors than no wedding at all. He smiled at Ellie to let her know that he was fine with it.

Dingles finally sorted through all of his notecards, placing all of them in order. He cleared his throat “Alright. Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to join… ummm. What were your names aga- oh right!” He started over “To join Mark and Ellie in matrimony.”

He threw the first flashcard over his shoulder and continued “Do you have any vows that you would like to share or should I get to the “I do” bit?”

Ellie quickly searched her data for a vow. She found one and, oh god, it was going to sound so stupid. She looked over at Mark, wanting to take his hands into her own, but… she had a lack of those so that part had to be skipped over. “Mark, I vow to fiercely love you, in all your forms, now and forever and no matter what challenges might try to tear us apart, we will always find a way back to each other. Even in death.” Ellie added the ‘in death’ part because it felt necessary. “I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.” 

Mark awkwardly laughed. “Shit… I had some of my vows already planned out but I don’t have the paper with me. Okay okay, I’m gonna freestyle here!” He continued, staring at Ellie while he spoke. “Ellie, I love you and I promise to always be by your side no matter what. You were the first person to ever truly make me happy and to feel confident in myself. You made my life better and even though our lives may end very soon, I’m glad I was able to spend my last days with you. You’re a one in a million, queen!”

Dingles wiped a tear from his eye. “That was beautiful, you two!” He quickly pulled himself together to continue “Alright. Do you, Mark, take Ellie to be your wife. To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. Till death do you part?”

Mark smiled and nodded “Hell yeah I do!”

“And do you, Ellie, take Mark to be your husband. To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. Till death do you part?”

Ellie looked back at Mark and smiled warmly. “Hell yes I do.” 

Dingles smiled and threw another card behind his shoulder “Then by the power invested in me, by the great and wonderful state of Cincinnati, I hereby announce you two husband and wife. You may kiss the bride!” He threw the last card away and started clapping and cheering them on. 

Gyro still had no idea what the fuck was going on but started quietly clapping himself. 

Leaning forward, Ellie softly kissed Mark and wrapped her arms around his neck. She had no hands so it was hella difficult and very weird, but you do what you gotta do. 

Mark continued to kiss her but he wasn’t able to hug her back considering he was still in restraints. He broke the kiss first, still keeping a goofy smile on his face. “Yooooo, we’re married now!”

Dingles got up off the floor. “Yep! Thanks guys! I can’t wait to add this to my resume! Oh, hey! I just realized how I married you twice, Mark! Ha! How cool is that?”

Dingles walked away from Gyro and the happy couple to go back to his post. He pulled out his phone to start working on his resume that he would type up later when he had his laptop.

Tina finally spoke up. “Wow. What a strange wedding… Whatever. Okay, robot, time to go!”

Tina grabbed Ellie away from Mark and started to drag her across the floor towards the exit again.

Ellie, though she wanted to, didn’t struggle. Tina had granted her her one last request and asking for another, so Ellie could say her final goodbye to Mark, was definitely way too much. Instead Ellie gave Mark one last smile that was barely visible considering how cracked and chipped her face was, but he managed to make it out. 

She wasn’t afraid of dying anymore, the marriage calmed her down enough which made it all the more easier for Tina to force her away. 

Mark, however, was not having any of this. He was continuously screaming and protesting to make Tina stop but nothing seemed to get her attention. He was also scooting himself across the floor in an effort to keep up with Tina and Ellie. “TINA! LET HER GO! KILL ME INSTEAD!”

Tina stopped dragging Ellie and stared at him, seeing if he was going to continue.

Mark looked at Ellie. He could see in her eyes that she was pleading him to not do this but he ignored it, directing his focus to Tina. “Kill me instead. Gyro messed with her programming so she wouldn’t be able to feel pain. So if you truly want to torture somebody today, have it be me.” Yeah, Mark was snitching but that was the best he had in having Tina reconsider.

Gyro buried his face in his hands because 1) someone was about to be killed 2) It was probably going to be Mark, partially putting the blood on Gyro’s hands for messing with Ellie’s wiring. He didn’t like Mark to begin with, but to Gyro, this would just add another streak to his kill list. 

Although she couldn’t see Tina, Ellie shook her head in hopes Tina would see her denial of what Mark was saying. “NO! No that is not true! He is lying! It is impossible for me to be rewired to not feel pain! I know my programming better than anyone so take it from me!” For the first time, her lie was truthful sounding. It only took Mark trying to sacrifice himself to get her to be good at acting. “I can prove it to you! Hurt me right now and you will see!” 

Mark continued to scream in protest but Tina sounded him out. “I’m telling the truth! She can’t feel pain! But you know for a fact that I would so quit wasting your time and kill me, bitch!” In any other scenario, it would’ve been the worst idea imaginable to call Tina a bitch, but considering he was already at Death’s Door, he might as well tell it how it was. 

Both arguments sounded plausible to Tina so there was really only one way to find out who was telling the truth. “Fine.” She dropped Ellie on the ground and pulled out her knife, slowly pressing it into her shoulder. She watched her face closely to watch her reaction. 

None was given. Ellie had frozen. Tina had turned and stabbed her so quickly that Ellie had no time to prepare, not to mention it was the last thing she expected to happen right then and there. The eventual reaction Tina did get after a good few seconds was terror as Ellie realized that Mark was indeed fucked. 

Ellie slowly turned her head to look at Tina, eye to eye. “Tina… Please no. I am begging you.” She was running out of ways to reason with Tina. “You want me for motorcycle parts so if you take me now you will get them quicker, correct? Besides, killing me is the ultimate torture for Mark. You know that as well as I do.” Now all she could do was hope for the best. Hope that she would be the one to be killed. 

Tina ripped the knife out of Ellie’s shoulder and tucked it away. She had all the information she needed.

She left Ellie laying on the ground and hoisted Mark by his shirt collar to drag him out of the warehouse instead. He was calm and didn’t struggle against her. When she walked past Ellie again, she paused and looked down at her with a very twisted grin. “You’re right. That would be torture for Mark… but killing him would give you emotional pain. And since I can’t physically harm you, this will be the next best thing.”

At that point, C-note (yeah he was still there) was holding Gyro down just in case he was going to protest about the scene before him. He wasn’t at all. The only thing he was doing was shutting his eyes tightly.

Ellie grit her teeth and looked Mark dead in the eyes. “GODDAMNIT, MARK! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! YOU ARE AN IDIOT!” She shouted. “I AM REPLACEABLE BUT YOU ARE NOT! WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?!” 

Tina only made out half of what Ellie had screamed because of how badly she was sobbing. It was mostly unintelligible. 

“TINA STOP!” It was useless but there was nothing else Ellie could think of doing. Continuing to beg was the only option. “I KNOW WE ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE AND THAT MY SON WILL NOT BE REBUILT! LOSING HIM WAS ENOUGH! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH TORTURE TO PLEASE YOU, BUT MARK HAS NOT SO GO AHEAD AND KILL ME RIGHT NOW TO MESS WITH HIM! SMASH MY HEAD IN!” 

“God, quit screaming you’re giving me a headache!” Tina snapped back. She looked over her shoulder at Dingles who was by the exit still typing away at his resume. “Dingles! Help me out over here!”

Dingles ran over, taking Tina’s spot by dragging Mark.

“Ellie, it’ll be okay.” Mark’s tone was the quietest and most serious it’s probably ever been in his entire life. He gave her one last weak smile.

Dingles was stronger than Tina was, so both Dingles and Mark were out of the warehouse after Mark’s final words to Ellie were spoken. He let go of Mark long enough to slam the large metal doors behind him.

Tina smirked and looked back at Ellie and Gyro. “See you guys in a bit!” Tina left from the same door Dingles just closed. She made the effort to slam it behind her, causing a loud bang to echo through the room.

Mark hadn’t realized how high up in the warehouse they were until Dingles took him out. To his surprise, Tina took him from Dingles and threw him over her shoulder to go up, not down. 

Sure enough, she took him to the roof and slammed him down onto the cement in front of her, before taking out her gun and pointing it at his head. 

“I would’ve killed you in front of your fiancée,” She paused before laughing. “Oh wait, sorry! I would’ve killed you in front of your ‘wife’ but this place is a rental so we gotta keep the inside clean. I bet she’ll hear the gunshot from here, but I suppose it doesn’t matter. She’ll get the same experience when I show her pictures of your caved in head.” 

Mark could hear a click, indicating Tina was about to shoot.

“I never give anyone this oppurtunity, but your entire ‘family’ is really entertaining. Including you. So what do ya got for your last words?” 

“Nope. Nothing that I would want to say in front of you at least. Ellie knows that I love her and that’s all that matters.” He closed his eyes and lowered his head, waiting for the inevitable.

Tina rolled her eyes. “Ew. God, I know this is a rom com but really?” She pressed the gun to his bowed head, just so there could be that extra spray of blood. “Whatever. You’re no fun.” 

Her finger pushed down on the trigger and it went off. It was a clean shot, straight through the skull. 

The blood, or Mark’s blood rather, did indeed spray everywhere. Including all over Tina just like she wanted. It was fabulous and she could already see Ellie’s reaction to seeing her drenched in red. 

Mark’s body collapsed onto the pavement. His eyes were still half open, but they were drained of life. 

It was a shot through the skull so he was obviously dead, especially with how glassy those eyes were, but Tina had to make sure because the Glomsquad were not the type of people to die easily. She bent down, pressing her fingers into his neck. No pulse. She moved to his wrist. Again, no pulse. Perfect.

She smirked to herself and took out her phone, making sure to lift up his caved in forehead to get a good shot.

Plot protection only went so far. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	43. The Fuzz

All of the blood on Tina’s face and clothes was super gross. She wanted to wipe it off but decided against it. The more blood she had on her, the more Ellie would freak out.

Tina and Dingles walked back inside the warehouse where Gyro and Ellie were still sitting. “Did you miss us?” Tina said to grab their attention. Dingles stood beside her, not guarding the door.

She waited for a response from either of them while she casually took her phone back out to show Ellie the picture of Mark’s head. She took her time though, she wanted Ellie to sit there and process all of the blood that she had on her before she hit her again with the trauma of seeing his dead body.

Gyro had mentally shut down long ago and wasn’t looking. His eyes remained glued shut as they were earlier and he was now curled up in a ball. 

Ellie was still on the floor where Tina had dropped her before she took Mark, so she had to strain her head up to look at Tina. She wouldn’t have bothered to look at her but the way her voice rang gave Ellie the feeling that if she didn’t look herself, Dingles would make her. 

Whatever Ellie was expecting to see wasn’t… that. Tina was soaked head to toe in dark, thick blood. It had to have been fake blood. If they took Mark outside, they were surely going to kill him somewhere else or torture him slowly with T-bag. But, against Ellie’s better judgement for her sanity, she quickly scanned Tina. It was Mark’s DNA. 

Ellie’s eyes drifted from Tina’s blood soaked shirt to her face, to see that dirty amused expression. Ellie had no idea what expression she was making herself, but whatever it was made Tina start to laugh. 

Ellie didn’t scream or cry, instead she simply lowered her head onto the floor, wrapping her arms around her to shield whatever parts of her face were visible. She began shaking uncontrollably.

That wasn’t good enough for Tina. 

Tina walked closer to Ellie, kicking her with her foot to get her attention. Dingles followed behind her like he was a lost puppy. He didn’t know what else to do. “Hey. Check this out.”

Tina held her phone up to Ellie’s face and waited for her to move her arms out of the way. If she wasn’t going to she would have Dingles force her to look at it.

When Ellie didn’t move, Dingles didn’t have to be told what to do. He walked behind her before pulling her hair back to force her to look up at the screen. 

Ellie knew that it was going to be a horrendous photo of whatever they did to Mark but what she saw was beyond her capacity to process. Tina didn’t torture him, no. She shot him through the head with no mercy and didn’t even bother to torture him beforehand based on how quickly she came back with Dingles. 

Needless to say, Ellie didn’t need to see Mark in person to know he was long gone. The way his forehead was caved in and the lifeless look in his eyes, even through a screen, was indescribable. 

All this time, Ellie claimed that she was going to be the one to die, that the plot armor wouldn’t work on her anymore. But it was Mark all along. It wasn’t fair. She deserved to die way more than he did. She was the one who had more blood on her hands. 

Ellie’s shaking only grew worse and the sobs she held back only led to her heaving heavily before breaking out into a fit of coughs. 

Dingles let go of her head to let her smash face first onto the floor as she continued to sob and cough violently. 

Tina put her phone away and pulled out her knife. She held it up to her face and twisted it around in her hand to admire it. “So I know you don’t feel pain, but that’s not gonna stop me from taking off another chunk of your arm. Real people would die from blood loss before I can dismember them all the way. Not fun. But you? You’ll be alive and conscious through the whole thing!”

Dingles held Ellie in place while Tina crouched beside Ellie and started to hack away at her arm. She started at the elbow joint and started cutting side to side. It was a hard job considering it’s metal clashing with metal. “Kinda sucks that my knife is so dull but it’s not like you’re going anywhere. Might as well drag this out.” Mark’s blood that was on Tina started to stain Ellie’s clothes and arm.

When cutting wasn’t doing enough. Tina would stop long enough to rip at any exposed wires that happened to be poking out.

Disturbingly, Ellie started chuckling through sobs.

Well, it wasn’t quite disturbing for Tina, she found it rather amusing. 

“It is so hilarious that out of everything that we have all been through, this is what takes us down. Some random Floridian gang of all people. Not egotistical super villains. NOPE! Some random nobodies. You are nothing.” 

Tina removed Ellie’s entire right arm before moving over to the left, Ellie still laughing all the while. It got to the point where Gyro had to cover his ears to keep himself sane. Not that he was anymore.

“What are you going to do?” 

Tina actually had to intensely focus on what Ellie was saying because of how hard she was both laughing and sobbing.

“Are you going to keep me alive forever and carry my head around with you? Maybe keep me in your gang hideout back in Tampa? That will be very fun.” Her mouth twisted into a smile, but surprisingly Ellie wasn’t going insane nor was she amused. It just seemed to be her only coping mechanism at the moment. And it wasn’t a very good one. “Oh, I know! You can place my head on a shelf and force me to look at a frame of Mark’s caved in head for eternity. Until the day you all rot in hell.” 

Tina stopped hacking at her arm and stabbed it into Ellie’s stomach out of anger. “You better keep your fucking mouth shut! You’re nothing more than just scrap metal! You fucking bitch! Try me again and I’ll cut your mouth out!” Each sentence shot so much venom. Tina wasn’t having any of Ellie’s comments.

She hoisted the knife out of Ellie’s stomach and back to her arm to finish working.

Tina didn’t get too much further in her revenge when a loud bang interrupted her. It came from the main entrance of the building. It sounded like an entire group of people all marching in at once. They were sweeping the building quickly and Tina knew that it would only be a matter of minutes until they showed up. “FUCK!” Fuck fuck fuck! Dingles! Start hiding the bodies! We gotta bounce!”

“What do you mean? This place is practically empty! Where am I supposed to hide them?”

“FUCK! ANYWHERE! JUST DO IT!”

“STOP YELLING AT ME!”

“DINGLES!”

Dingles didn’t listen to another word Tina had to say, he bolted toward the back fire exit along with C-note. Tina stomped her foot like a child and scoffed before looking back at Ellie. 

“This ain’t over bitch. We’ve never let a victim get away.” She spat before sitting up and being quick to follow Dingles and that other guy out of the building. 

But Ellie smirked in return, noticing she had left her gun and knife behind. That probably would end up screwing Tina over soon enough. 

Gyro, though still in his restraints, snapped out of whatever other world he was floating in when he heard the distant doors bust open. “Holy shit…” He murmured. “Holy shit!” 

It wasn’t an excited “Holy shit!” but it wasn’t horrified either. Just surprised. They were actually going to fucking live when they were the closest to death’s doorstep they had ever been. Gyro would be able to repair both Boyd and Ellie, and with the cops on their side, save Gloria! The fact the cops could find out about his crimes wasn’t a thought that crossed his mind at the moment. He had plenty of time to freak out about that later.

For now he scooted over to Ellie, though still in his restraints, to make sure she was still alive. 

She was, her system hadn’t shut down yet and she had thankfully stopped laughing. But her sobs only grew louder. Unlike Gyro, she actually wanted to die. Now that Mark was gone, what was the point in anything? The universe was just fucking with her again. 

“Hey…” Gyro tried his best to soothe her. “It’ll be alright. I promise.”

Ellie’s responses were only sobs and a shake of her head. 

A swat team busted in, saving Gyro from having to come up with something else to say to calm Ellie down because he was at a loss. He let out the deepest sigh of relief he had ever let out in his entire life as the team looked over at them.

The inside of the warehouse was lit up, but they still had flashlights pointed at them with guns.

It was a group of five and they all analyzed the situation. From Gyro’s restraints, to Ellie’s hacked off limbs and her broken body, along with the blood that was on the ground; left over by Tina herself.

“Oh damn…” One of the guys muttered. “This is pretty wack.” 

“Yo! Go and help them! My taxes don’t go to you standing around!” A female voice broke out from behind some of the police officers that were around Gyro and Ellie. She moved out of their way to make her appearance known. It was Heidi!

Heidi sighed in relief that the two of them were still alive. She bent down and brought the two of them into a group hug. However, given that Ellie didn’t have arms anymore and Gyro was still in restraints, they couldn’t hug her back. She let them go to get a better look at them. “Shit. Are you guys okay?! I called the police as soon as I found out what my old gang was doing!”

Before either of them could respond, another cop yelled from another location. “Hey! Get an ambulance! There’s an injured guy up here!”

“On it!”

One of the police officers that was with Ellie and Gyro left to go attend to Mark upstairs. 

Gyro spoke up for the two of them since Ellie was most definitely not going to respond.

“Jesus, Heidi! Your old gang is fucking insane! They killed Mark and almost us! They made me take apart my own son!” Gyro scooted away from her. “This is your fault! If it wasn’t for you, none of this would’ve happened! Go fuck yourself!” 

“Good to see you too, Gy.” She went behind him and started to work on breaking his restraints. It was only rope so she was able to saw it away with her knife.

The last police officer heard on his walkie talkie that they needed more reinforcements upstairs. He left the three of them alone.

Heidi took that as the best opportunity to tell them her plan. “Okay, these losers ain’t gonna help us much longer. I’m going to kill my gang myself. You’re welcome to help me.”

Gyro took a moment to respond. But when he spotted Tina’s old gun and knife on the floor a few feet away, he took note to take them before he left. “Fine. But I’m only helping you so I can save Gloria. That’s it. After this, you’re gone.”

Heidi tore Gyro’s restraints off of him and moved back around so she could face the two of them again. “I hear ya loud and clear. I think I know where T-bag is holding her too so we should probably get going before the cops come back to start questioning you guys.”

“...I am staying.” Ellie finally spoke up. The fact she was staying was obvious enough but Heidi lowkey forgot she barely had any limbs left. “I need to stay with Mark.” She said that like he was still alive. 

Gyro shot Heidi another look. Now he was blaming her for Mark’s death rather than himself. 

Heidi lifted herself up off the floor. “I’m sorry to hear about Mar, El… I really am. I’m already beating myself over the fact that I didn’t get here sooner.” She frowned and looked over at Gyro who had just stood up himself. “We should probably leave.” She continued “El, the police know you’re here. They’ll make sure to watch over you and Mar until we meet up with you again. Okay?”

Gyro nodded, picking up Tina’s gun and knife and shoving both into his pockets. “Yeah alright. Let’s get going.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Alright, babe. Looks like Dingles is on the way. No word from Tina or C-note so they must be watching over your friends.” He looked up from his phone at Gloria. They were in a really pimp-esque hotel penthouse. The gang was way more loaded than Gloria assumed. Heidi always mentioned they were struggling for income. They must’ve lied about that to her along with many other things. “And…” He held up the photo of Mark for Gloria to see, but he kept a tight grip on the phone. 

Gloria took a step back and covered her mouth with one hand and her eyes with the other. Despite all of the crying she’s done, she still managed to cry again. “It’s fake! I know it is!” She didn’t think it was fake. She had to say it out loud, hoping that she could trick herself into believing that it was Photoshopped and nothing more but a cruel trick.

He smiled warmly, which only made it more sick. “Believe what you want.” T-bag walked over to the large open window that looked over the beautiful city of Cincinnati, hands behind his back. “You probably don’t need clarification, but there was no pulse. Harder to bring back a person rather than a robot, hm?” He chuckled in his throat, but it didn’t leave him. “Gyro is next.” 

“Fuck you.” Gloria spat while she wiped her eyes away. She thought about pushing him out of the window but decided against it. He was heavier than she was and one screw up in that plan would have her dead in a second. 

The door suddenly busted open and in ran a very angry, and blood covered, Tina alongside a horrified Dingles.

Where was C-note? He got hit by a car on the way over because his character was literally so unimportant that he died. 

“YO, T-DAWG! IT’S THE FUZZ!” Dingles screamed at the top of his lungs.

Vic started cowering immediately. “Oh god, oh no!” 

“SHUT UP, VIC!” T-bag snapped. “AND DINGLES, I TOLD YOU TO NOT CALL ME T-DAWG, GODDAMNIT!”

“S-SORRY! B-BUT THE COPS!”

T-bag shrugged and waved it off. “Yeah yeah. Do they know where we’re staying?”

“Well, no…”

“Then there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Oh there is.” Tina scoffed. “They managed to save the robot and Chicken Dweeb. Those bastards.” 

There was a moment of silence as T-bag took a moment to think. He wasn’t pleased, not in the least, but losing Ellie and Gyro wasn’t the biggest deal. Gloria was the main enemy in all of this. “Leave it be.” He decided on saying. “The death of Billionaire Bitch is enough to scar them for life. That’s enough torture.” He laughed for a moment before continuing. “It’s not like a broken robot and a twink chicken can take all of us down just to save the whore over here.” 

Dingles laughed at that. He didn’t know what “whore” meant but he figured he should laugh at his boss’ insult just to make him happy. And it did make him happy.

“Thank you, Dingles.” He nodded in appreciation before pointing his thumb at Gloria. “Speaking of whore over here, why don’t you go ahead and wed us? We should skip town tonight since the cops are on our tail again.” 

Again? Well, that wasn’t a surprise but it didn’t make Gloria feel better. It meant they had plenty of experience running away from cops. A sliver of her believed they were a rooky gang but boy oh boy, after everything, she was very wrong.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN MARRY THE WHORE?!”

T-bag put his hands up and laughed again. “Woah babe, chill. You told me I could have a side hoe and that’s what I’m doing. I can marry two people, that’s what the amish do, right?”

Tina scowled but she knew better than to mouth off her boyfriend. But the look she sent Gloria was very threatening. Yeah. Gloria wasn’t going to have a very good time being a part of this gang. 

“... who tells their boyfriend they can have a side hoe?” Gloria knew she was already on thin ice with Tina but she knew that asking a general question wasn’t going to change much of her fate. She genuinely wanted to know how that agreement went down.

“THAT’S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!” Tina was about to tackle Gloria but T-bag put a hand up to signal her to stop.

“Alright, Dingles. Officiate the wedding if you will.”

He skipped over. “ABSO-DEE-LUTELY!” Dingles pulled out the flashcards and frowned. “Oh hold on, my ‘cards be out of order.” The clicking of the tongue he did was very annoying and T-bag would’ve murdered him if it wasn’t for the fact he was ordained. “Here we go!” Putting a fist up to his mouth, he cleared his throat to begin. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Gladis, aka Gloria, and T-bag in materominy.” 

T-bag rolled his eyes at the mispronunciation, but took Gloria’s hands nonetheless as he continued to pay attention. 

“Now please say your vows. UWU”

“No problemo.” T-bag squeezed Gloria’s hands uncomfortably tight and bore his gaze into her. “I vow to fuck you so hard you break.”

Dingles nodded. “That’s cool! What about your vow, Gloria? :D” He was literally saying the faces out loud.

Gloria was shaking her arms to try to get him to let go of her. “Fuck all of you! I’m not saying anything!”

Knitting his eyebrows together, Dingles tapped his chin. “I never heard that type of vow before. Huh. You’re pretty creative, Glo!” He flipped to the next guard. “T-bag, do you take Gloria to be your wife? To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. Until death do you part?”

“Yeppers!” T-bag squeezed even harder, threatening to break Gloria’s hands. It was a large warning to tread wisely when she spoke next.

“Oh, before I forget! Gloria, this is my second wedding today! I wed The robot and the billionaire earlier, ya know, until he died! Cool, right?” Dingles was really impressed with himself. “Anyway, do you, Gloria, take T-bag to be your husband. To have and to hold. In sickness and in health. Until death do you part?”

Gloria would be happy for Ellie and Mark if the circumstances were better. She also caught on to what T-bag was trying to tell her. He didn’t need to marry her. He would be just as happy killing her if she made another snappy remark. She shut her eyes tightly and nodded. “Yes.” Her answer was very quiet and tears started rolling down her cheeks again. There was also this sinking feeling in her stomach that wouldn’t go away.

Dingles started clapping and then stopped. “Oh, wait.” He flipped to the next card. “With the power invested in me, I pronounce you man and wife! You may kiss the bride!” He then started clapping.

T-bag smashed his face into Gloria’s without giving her a chance to think. It was sickeningly deep and felt like it lasted an eternity, making Gloria feel like she was going to throw up. She kept the vile down.

Tina bawled her fists in the meanwhile before T-bag finally pulled away from her and smirked. “Damn. You’re a better kissed than Tina without even trying!” 

Tina’s fingernails dug into her palms and her eye twitched. But she still didn’t say anything. She knew T-bag wouldn’t have a problem with her beating the shit out of Gloria later on. 

“Piece of shit.” Gloria insulted him before wiping her mouth off with her shoulder. She tried shaking her hands out of his grip again, thinking he would let go now that the wedding was over. She stared down at the ground, afraid to look at T-bag and even more afraid to see the look Tina was giving her right now.

T-bag did indeed let go before he brought her into a hug. “Welcome to the family, Gloria.” 

His tone was dark.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________


	44. Takedown

The hotel Gyro and Heidi walked to was extremely lavish. Holiday inn and Suites, the bougiest place to stay in all of Ohio. 

Gyro was still on edge being around Heidi so he kept a close eye on her while keeping his distance from behind. “How did you know where we were anyway?” 

“After I left Tampa I came here. Cincinnati is amazin! Who doesn’t love Cincinnati?!”

“That didn’t answer my question.” He muttered. “And this city is shit by the way. Take it from the man who has a 200 IQ.” 

“I heard that my “old friends” were here and they had people with them. I assumed that they were you guys so I started snooping around without them knowing. I called the police as soon as I heard.”

Gyro was now in the right state of mind, with PTSD of course, and he now realized how bad of an idea it was to get the police involved. Him and Ellie were murderers and they could’ve been the ones being retained. As for Heidi, well, Gyro wasn’t so sure what she did during her gang days but she probably wasn’t safe around the cops either.

“That was a risky move on your half.” He crossed his arms and huffed. “But I appreciate it anyways I guess.” 

“Yeah it was risky but I knew I needed backup. I know those guys and I knew that I wouldn't be able to take them all down myself. It was really my only option.”

“Well we’re about to take on all of them alone so it looks like you aren’t so smart after all, Heidi.” Gyro spat out her name like it was a curse word. He almost hated her as much as he hated Mark, and that was saying a lot. 

...it was probably bad to speak of Mark that way since he was dead but whatever. RIP. Goodbye Mark Beaks. 

“Maybe not all of them. Vic is kind of a twink and I remember him trying to figure a way out of the gang for months. Maybe he can help us? Oh, also Dingles sucks ass too. Our real threats are T-bag and Tina. They don’t fuck around.”

“I figured that out when he forced me to take my son apart.” He decided to stop digging into her and move on. “What’s their room number?” 

The two entered the elevator that was packed with mirrors. 

“Dingles is always the one to make the room reservations whenever we travel so it’s probably a stupid number like 666 or something.”

He pressed the 6th floor. “You really think they’re in the penthouse?” 

“What? No, they've been low on money forever! I doubt they could afford a room like that. Maybe we should try another floor first.”

“Hmmm…” With Gyro’s high IQ level, he was able to figure something out. “They must’ve been lying to you Heidi. They’ve been renting places to keep us hostage left and right. Including that entire warehouse where I’m sure raves have been held. We’re checking the penthouse.” 

“God, those bastards…” That pissed her off. She worked her ass off making sure she met her quota just to survive and they’ve been living like kings the whole time.

Gyro didn’t feel the need to carry on the conversation so instead he started listening, along with Heidi, to Teenagers by My Chemical Romance that was playing through the elevator speakers. How classy.

Heidi nudged him with her elbow. “Perfect song to listen to before we die, ya?”

He stepped away from her. “Okay 1) don’t touch me and 2) don’t say we’re going to die and 3) I don’t know this song but it's horrid so far.”

Heidi sneered. “God. Good thing I didn’t fuck you. I wouldn't want to live with that.”

“EXCUSE ME?!” 

The elevator doors opened and she waltzed out like nothing happened. Gyro stormed behind her but didn’t bother to continue the argument. How would she know she would regret being in bed with him? Rude.

He walked past her, taking out Tina’s old gun and leaning on the wall next to room 666. Aka the penthouse. Heidi did the same, taking out a gun of her own. 

“You knock.” She commanded.

“Wha- don’t be ridiculous! You knock! This was your idea!”

“Well your girlfriend is in there!”

“Yeah! The girlfriend you almost kidnapped because you were so obsessed with her!”

She scoffed. “Fine. Looks like I’ll be the knight in shining armor.” Heidi pounded on the door to sound as threatening as possible. 

There was a muffled “OH HEY! IT’S THE PIZZA!” From the other end. It was Dingles as you might’ve guessed. 

The door swung open quickly. “DID YOU MAKE SURE TO ADD THE EXTRA CHEESE AND THE-”

Heidi was the one to jump out from the side of the wall first, because Gyro was a pussy, and held a gun up to Dingles’ head.

“OH HELLO! IT’S BEEN A HOT MINUTE!” He was still yelling cheerfully for whatever reason.

Gyro decided to finally step out as well, holding up his gun. But his hand was shaking because, again, he was a pussy. “Where’s Gloria?”

“Oh hey Chicken Dweeb! I thought the cops got ya!”

“WHERE IS GLORIA!?”

“YOOOOOOO!” Dingles put up his hands, “Chill. She’s in here.” He pointed his thumb back. “Feel free to come in. I would kill you but you aren’t our hostages anymore so no need to worry about it!”

That made absolutely no sense but that was his thought process. Heidi felt safe enough to put down the gun and walk past him. Gyro followed suit but continued holding up his gun. 

Now, the suite was so huge, like the ones you see on television where there are multiple rooms and shit, so the other gang members couldn’t be seen yet. 

“Oh hey!” Dingles piped up again. Heidi thought about shooting him but decided against it since it would give them away. “I married off your friends so here’s my card if you guys ever want to get married!”

Gyro looked behind him. “I was there. I know.”

“...do you still want my card?”

“No.”

Dingles frowned but handed one to him and Heidi anyway. It was a crudely drawn picture of him giving a thumbs up and the font read “Dingles: I oficciate wedinngz.” 

Gyro threw it on the ground, but Heidi wanted to keep it and hang it in the apartment she was living in so she stuffed it in her pocket. Dingles really appreciated Heidi for keeping it because, damn, Gyro really hurt his feelings just now. 

“Oh, you were dating Gloria, right?” 

“Huh?” Gyro didn’t turn to look at him again. He needed to keep a lookout. “We’re still dating, thank you very much.”

“Um...like, you should know I wed her to T-bag.” 

Both Heidi and Gyro stopped to look at Dingles in unison. “What?!” 

“I said I-”

“No no,” Gyro held out his hand to signal Dingles to stop. “I heard what you said but why the HELL did you do that?!” 

“T-bag wanted to marry her!” 

“WHAT?!” 

Gyro’s squeaky voice echoed throughout the hallway they were in making Heidi jump out of her skin. She put her gun up, keeping watch as Gyro had a mini breakdown. 

Dingles smiled. “Yeah! He said he wanted a side hoe!”

Gyro’s eye twitched before he turned around to storm forward, shoving Heidi aside. “That’s it! He’s dead! He is sooooo dead!”

“Damn…” Dingles scratched the back of his head, feeling awkward. “No need to get aggressive dude. I just wanted pizza.” 

Gyro ignored him and doing so led the hallway to become quiet again so he could listen for any voices. Sure enough, mumbling could be heard from the other side of a door at the end of the hall, next to the large kitchen. He put his ear next to it but couldn’t hear anything. Just the voices, no words. 

Heidi was the one to take initiative and kicked open the door with her badass biker boots. It swung open no problem. The gang hadn’t even bothered to lock it. 

The door opened to reveal the master bedroom of the suite with Gloria sitting in the middle of the bed. Her hands were tied behind the bedpost and she was gagged. The lights were off and the blinds were fully closed, making the room very dark. The light coming in from the hallway was the only reason Heidi and Gyro were able to tell that it was Gloria in the room. There wasn’t a sign of T-bag, Tina, or Vic in the room, or anywhere in the penthouse for that matter.

He didn’t rush to Gloria’s side right away. He wanted to study what was going on. This wasn’t right.

“Something seems off, Gy.”

“Yeah no shit. Shut up.” He snapped. 

Heidi gave him a dirty to the back of the head in turn. “Listen, I’ll watch the door, kay?” 

If you’re wondering where Dingles is, he left to go get a PEP in the kitchen because he really didn’t care about what was going on. 

Gyro silently agreed with Heidi and walked slowly toward a terrified Gloria. He knew something was going to happen but he couldn’t just leave her there. He was walking straight into danger and he knew it. And Gloria’s face told him everything he needed to know. They were in the room.

He had his gun raised and pointed it in every direction, rapidly as he scanned each and every corner. There was nothing. It was completely barren which made it all the more unsettling. 

Sighing, he let his guard down for just a moment to ungag Gloria and lay a hand on a shoulder. “Are you okay?” 

“No! Gyro, get out of here! It’s a trap!” Gloria screamed at him as soon as the gag was off, cutting him off through most of his question in the process.

There wasn’t any time to react to that. T-bag, Tina and Vic all jumped out from the closet. T-bag and Tina pointing their guns at Gyro and Vic behind the two of them with only a knife. He was shaking. Vic didn’t want to be there nor get involved with any of it anymore. Now that Tina and T-bag weren’t facing him, he was able to step back towards the wall and breathe a bit. T-bag kept the gun pointing at Gyro’s head while Tina flicked a lamp on. She noticed Heidi at the door and pointed her gun at her.

“Long time no see, bitch.” Tina spat at Heidi. “Let me guess, you’re playing hero now? Ha! How cute.”

Heidi walked toward her with the gun pointed back. 

Just so you got an image of what was going on, everyone was pointing guns at eachother like that scene from The Office.

“I’m more like the better of two evils, Tin-can.” That was Heidi’s stupid nickname for her. “So this is all happening because they helped me get away, ya? You guys are pathetic.” 

Tina scoffed. “It’s a matter of principle. Something you never understood.” She was ready to break Heidi’s face in. Every minute she spent looking at her only built up more anger. However, she couldn’t shoot until T-bag gave the word to do so. It was ridiculous she had to follow such a horrible rule. Considering Heidi and Gyro had guns of their own but she didn’t fight him on it. He probably didn’t realize that they came that prepared.

T-bag spoke up to speak to Heidi, keeping his gun steady in front of Gyro’s head. “You were our next target, Heidi. Thanks for coming all this way to find us. You really made it easier on our ends.” He laughed “You think the torture we did to these guys were bad? Oh honey, you have no idea the kind of pain you’re about to endure. No one disrespects us, owes us money, and bails without getting away with it! You of all people know that, Heidi.” He turned to look back at Gyro, keeping this horrible smile on his face. “I was going to torture you with this later but since that you’re here, I want you to know that Gloria and I are happily married. She’ll be staying with us now and once you two are dead, we can get on to our honeymoon. If you catch my drift.”

Gyro’s hand was shaking more, he wanted to pull on the trigger but he couldn’t. “Shut up!” He spat. 

“Wow. Real good with comebacks I see.” T-bag knew Gyro didn’t have it in him to shoot, the look in his eyes gave it all away. T-bag pointed his gun a little to the left, directly at Gloria. “Tina, if you will.”

Tina got the message and pointed her gun to Gloria’s head as well. After knowing T-bag for as long as she did, they could communicate nonverbally very well.

“Alright. Here’s the deal. There’s no way you guys will be able to shoot at the same time. It’s next to impossible. So if one of you shoots us, Gloria gets it.” He shook his gun so everyone’s eyes drifted to it quickly before looking back at him. “You have two options, attack and get Gloria killed, or surrender. Of course, she’ll still be mine but at least she’ll be alive.” 

Without a second thought, Gyro dropped the gun, putting his hands up immediately. “Okay. You win.”

“WHAT?!” Heidi was having none of this shit. She kept her gun in the air. “Gy may be a pussy, but I’m not. You hear me ‘bag?!”

He nodded. “I hear ya. But this is your last warning. Drop the gun or I shoot the girl.”

Heidi kept her gun pointing at Tina for awhile before she looked at Gloria who was shaking her head ‘no’, Gyro on the other hand looked like he was about to beg her to drop the gun. Heidi sighed, knowing what she had to do and dropped the gun. She couldn’t get Gloria killed. After all this time she still had feelings for her that she was ashamed of. 

“Alright…” T-bag lowered his gun. “Now was that so-” His words were cut off as a knife dug into his throat before being ripped out. The blood splattered all over Vic as he stepped back, eyes widened with shock. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. It was on pure impulse alone and nothing more. He just… couldn’t stand by any longer and do nothing.

T-bag grabbed at his throat, practically clawing at his as blood continued to squirt out, staining the carpet below. Tina screamed, dropping her own gun and running to T-bag’s side to hold him.

He wanted to scream at her, hit her, tell her to get back up and kill them all instead of being some sentimental pussy. But with all the blood coming up his throat, he couldn’t speak. Instead, he gave her a deathly glare but this time Tina actually didn’t follow orders and shook her head.

“No, T-bag. I’m not leaving you.”

“Yeah she won’t.” T-bag looked behind Tina to see Heidi who was now holding a gun to Tina’s head. “She’ll see you on the other side, ya?” Without any hesitation, none at all, Heidi pulled the trigger, the bullet going straight through her forehead, similar to how one went through Mark’s own skull. It was ironic Tina died in the same way but, yet again, this was the Glomgsquad. People tended to get shot and/or stabbed around them a lot. 

T-bag continued to scowl at Tina next to him, though she was dead. Her idiocy was the reason they lost. He was too fed up with her to even think about the fact Vic literally just betrayed them. He punched Tina as hard as he could even though he was on his side before he finally went limp himself.

Vic stepped back again and covered his mouth. “I didn’t mean to… I- I…” 

Heidi held up a hand in a calming manner before slowly walking over to him to rest a hand on his shoulder. “You did the right thing, Vic. You didn’t deserve to continue the life you were in.”

He nodded but he had started to cry. 

Gyro pulled out Tina’s old knife and slowly cut off her restraints, considering it was a rather dull knife. When she was released he brought her into the tightest hug he had probably ever given her. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” He spat all of that out so fast, hugging her even tighter now. 

Gloria hugged Gyro back and clutched onto his shirt. Her mind finally caught up with everything that just happened. She started to sob.“I thought I was never going to see you again!”

Heidi watched Gyro and Gloria and gave a weak smile. She returned her attention back to Vic who was seconds from having a breakdown. Heidi wrapped an arm around him and helped him out of the room so he didn’t have to keep looking at the bodies. She directed him over to the couch in the main room and gently sat him down. She sat down next to him while keeping a hand on his back. “Let me help you, Vic. It’ll be my way of paying a good deed forward and I had the chance to change my life around. You can stay with me for the night and I can help you find a job, okay? Everything is going to be fine.”

Vic was still crying but he nodded along with what Heidi was saying so she knew that he was listening.

She sighed and continued to rub his back when Dingles finally came back into the penthouse. 

“Yo yo y- … oh… “ Dingles read the room and awkwardly took the last sip of his PEP. He sat down beside Heidi and Vic. “What happened?”

Heidi answered for the two of them “‘bag and Tin-can are dead. You and Vic are going to live better lives now outside of gangs. Got it?”

Dingles beamed “Really?! That sounds great! I’ll finally be able to marry people for a living and this time they will all be done in churches instead of shady buildings and hotels!” He gasped “I have to make more business cards!” He left the couch long enough to grab his business card paper and markers and sat back down in his original seat. He leaned forward on the coffee table in front of them and began to draw. Dingles had his tongue sticking out while he concentrated.

Heidi smiled at Dingles before turning her attention back to Vic. “You two can stay with me until you’re both able to live on your own. Remember the killer grilled cheese sandwiches I used to make?”

Vic smiled and wiped his eyes. “Y-yeah. I remember.”

“I’m making them tonight. All you can eat!”

Dingles almost fainted he was so excited “Heidi! You’re the best!”

“I know!” She smirked. 

Gyro and Gloria were still in the master bedroom crying together while all of this was going down in the other room. 

Gloria spoke up again, still clinging onto Gyro feeling that if she let go she might lose him again. Her voice was shaky. “I want to get out of here.” Their whole lives felt turned upside down. They didn’t have money, their van, Boyd was temporarily gone and Mark was dead. She didn’t know what they were going to do next and she was hoping that maybe Gyro did. 

Gyro was still hugging her but she felt him nod. “O-okay.” He slowly let go of her, shaken up himself and not wanting to lose her either. “...I don’t- I don’t know where we’re going to stay so…” He trailed off, darting his eyes away, but he quickly looked back at her when he realized the majority of the room was covered in blood. T-bag kind of… squirted everywhere. 

He couldn’t believe he was going to say this but, “It’s late so let’s ask Heidi if we can stay with her for the night, then we regroup tomorrow and get a motel… somehow. I’ll get tools to rebuild Boyd and fix Ellie and then we ditch this place. We’ll only be in Cincinnati for a little over 24 hours, okay?”

Gloria was so mortified after everything that had just occurred that she couldn’t manage a response right away, all she could do was nod along. Gyro helped her up and as they were leaving she felt like he needed to know an important piece of information that would calm him down. “Gyro?”

“Hm?”

“Don’t… worry about the dead bodies. The- the mob is coming after them if they don’t bring the boss a wife by tomorrow. I’m sure the cops will blame it on them.”

Gyro nodded slowly. He didn’t really want to think about cops or murder so he stayed silent and walked out of the room with Gloria to head toward where Heidi was sitting. “I’ll make sure that Dingles doesn’t turn in any official paperwork for you and T-bag’s wedding okay? And I’ll make sure he does turn in Ellie and Mark’s for… her sake…” He trailed off. He didn’t want to think of Mark’s death either. 

“I love you, Gyro.”

“I love you too.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie was sitting in the waiting room of the local city hospital. It may have been late, but since it was a city, the emergency waiting room was bustling 24/7. That wasn’t a good thing, obviously. A robot sitting in the middle of the room with missing limbs was kind of… disturbing. Needless to say, Ellie earned a lot of looks, but at least she wasn’t in the state of mind to care.

The only thing floating around in her head was that picture of Mark Tina had shown her. Fucking Tina. That bitch was going to die and rot in hell. She was going to get what she deserved as soon as Mark rebuilt her. Ellie was going to stab her over and over, but keep her alive so she could slowly rip out her organs and-

Ellie’s thoughts went back to Mark. She had no idea why on earth she tagged along to the hospital; she knew beforehand they wouldn’t let her stay with his body. Yet she stayed, hoping a doctor would come out and tell her that Mark, who got a bullet shot through his head, was alive. Somehow, someway. But deep down she knew there was no way. But she stayed and she stayed for hours on end. 

If Boyd hated them so much, then at least Mark’s death wouldn’t affect him when he was rebuilt, right? God. No, she couldn’t start thinking about Boyd now. 

Ellie’s thoughts sped off into a different direction, about what she was going to do back in Duckburg. Boyd wouldn’t be living with her… and Mark wouldn’t be around. She truly would have to start over. Move someplace else. She couldn’t stay. Something else in Duckburg would come for her if she did. Even if that wasn’t the case, there was no point in staying without either of them. Cincinnati didn’t seem so bad…

A doctor stood in front of her and cleared his throat to grab her attention.

She shot her head up and immediately frowned. It was most likely someone telling her she needed to go home for the eleventh time that evening. But the funny thing was she couldn’t go anywhere until Gyro picked her up. If he did.

“Alright we have an update on Mark. We were able to get a pulse after a few attempts with a defibrillator. He’s in a stable condition at the moment but he lost a lot of blood and he is suffering from some brain damage.”

Ellie paused for a moment. “Oh. I always knew that he had brain damage.” 

The doctor didn’t comment on that. Off work he would’ve laughed his ass off. He’s a pretty chill guy but at work he needed to be serious and tell the news how it was. He was almost fired for cracking one too many jokes to a wife whose husband came in for a broken leg.

“We are keeping a close eye on him. These first few hours are crucial. If he survives the night, then he will be okay. However, if he does live, there is a good chance he will not be the same Mark that you know him as. It’s hard to say what his state will be like if he wakes up. These cases vary between different people. Right now the best thing you can do for him is to try to get some rest. We will inform you on any further information.” With that, Mark’s doctor left to go back down the hall towards the ER room, leaving Ellie all alone again.

She didn’t even get to ask any more questions about Mark. God. He was alive! But how? A gun shot through the goddamn head and that man lived. Even so, what did he mean by ‘he will not be the same Mark that you know him as’. Ellie decided not to ponder about that at the moment. All she knew was Mark was alive and she was going to make sure it stayed that way. She was going to call Gyro, get repaired, and come right back to the damn hospital. 

Her cracked face morphed into a very determined one as she sat up. Considering she had only one limb, that being one of her legs, it was very hard to do. She managed to barely avoid falling over and cracking her face again. 

A limbless robot, excluding one leg, was a sight in itself, but one hopping across a room was another goddamn story. It also didn’t help that she still had Mark’s blood on her. 

People gasped as she hopped by, if it was a child they either screamed or cried. In that case she told them to ‘fuck off’, earning a good few glares from parents. But Ellie was in no goddamn mood. This situation was serious and she would curse at children all she wanted. 

Eventually she reached the front desk which was a disturbingly long distance away from where she was sitting. Maybe the staff wanted to purposely make it hard for her. She looked over the counter to the woman manning the desk.

“Pardon me.” 

The woman at the desk looked up from her paperwork and gasped. She quickly composed herself and cleared her throat “Oh um… Yes? How may I help you?”

Ellie ignored the fact the woman was clearly disturbed by her current appearance. “I need to make a call.” She gestured with her head toward the phone the secretary had by her computer. 

“I’m sorry but these phones are for hospital staff use only. You may use the pay phones that are down the second floor hallway.”

“...Not to be rude but do I look like I could use a payphone?” Ellie snapped. 

The woman shot her a nasty look. “Ma’am. Those are the rules. Please have a seat or get out of my lobby.” This woman was definitely a Karen.

Oh ho ho ho. Shit was going down.

“Your lobby? Please. You are a lowly secretary that gets paid 9.25 per hour and I can tell by your anatomy that you have three children. Supporting all three with that paycheck? I do notice you do not have a wedding ring.” Ellie leaned forward as best as she could. “I have a kill streak. I may not have arms, but I have teeth. How do you think I got this blood on my shirt? So you better punch in a number for me or your children are becoming orphans very quickly.” 

If this was anyone else, this woman would’ve called security. However, Ellie called her out on everything. Even going as far as to come after her children! She started to shake and sweat and Ellie’s death stare was not helping. “O-okay okay! Um…” She picked up the phone and hovered her fingers over the numbers. “Give me the number and I’ll call them for you.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	45. Home-Depot

“Ahhhh, Home Depot. Where I truly belong.” Gyro smirked, placing his hands on his sassy hips at the entrance of, you guessed it, Home fucking Depot. 

Gloria, Heidi, and a now repaired Ellie followed behind. Everyone had a change of attire considering their other ones kinda got blood and shit on them, but ya know. Finally, the ugly Jimmy Buffett outfits were gone. The only one not too happy about it was Gloria. She cried in Heidi’s bathroom for an hour the night prior. She lost a shirt with Jimmy’s signature TWICE. 

“Okay,” Gyro turned around to face the group like the leader he was “I’m going to grab the extra materials I need to repair Boyd since his programming is extra complicated compared to Ellie’s. No offense Ellie.” 

She glared at him.

“Anyway. You guys can follow or do whatever else you want in this- this heaven.” 

After everything that had happened, Home Depot was Gyro’s true therapy. As soon as he exited said heaven, his problems and PTSD would return. 

“Okay, I’ll meet up with you later. I’m going to go huff paint. Heidi, you wanna come along?”

Her face lit up, but a thought at the back of her mind itched. Why was Gloria okay with being alone with her after everything that had happened? It was odd. “Sure! I’ll tag along!” 

“I will ‘tag along’ with you, Gyro.” Ellie stated. She hoped she could be help in finding tools for Boyd but she knew deep down she wouldn’t. Homie didn’t know shit about his programming. 

On a side note, she really didn’t want to be there. She was only there because it was too early in the morning to go to the hospital because visiting hours didn’t open up until ten so for all she knew, Mark had passed away during the night. So yeah, she was in a shit mood. Also Tina was already dead so she couldn’t be the one to murder her which was very unfair.

Ellie slowly followed Gyro to the section that held a variety of wrenches. He was putting a shit ton of tools in his basket, so much so that it got to the point where Ellie could only assume he was getting carried away being the inventing nerd he was. There was no way Boyd needed that many wrenches but she didn’t question what the fuck he was doing. 

She stood behind him awkwardly for a while, twiddling her new thumbs, before sighing.

“Dr. Gearloose, may I address something with you? It is about Boyd.” She referred to him formally which could only mean it was a rather serious subject.

Gyro wasn’t looking at her. He was too busy checking out all of the different kinds of wrenches. “Yes, what is it?” He grabbed another wrench and threw it into the cart and started walking a little bit further down the aisle, with Ellie following next to him. Now he was looking at screwdrivers and started going mad by throwing the first five pairs he saw into the cart. Didn’t even bother to see what they were exactly. Ellie could tell that when he gets out of his sugar high, he will have to start putting some of these things back.

“Back in Savannah when I told you that I wanted Boyd to live with you and you alone, I did not say that because I was under the impression I was going to die. I mean it now as well.” 

He finally turned his attention to Ellie, giving her a confused look. “You do? Why?”

Now that he was looking at her, she looked away. “I believe you know why. You were correct about everything from day one; about my programming being unstable and me being evil.” She didn’t want to but she looked back at Gyro for the sake of what she was going to say next. “Boyd told me himself that I am a horrible mother and it is true. He finally understands how terrible of a person I am so I need you to be his permanent caregiver rather than me or...Mark. I do not think Boyd would have a problem with never seeing me again. If you need clarification, you can ask him yourself once you repair him.” 

He sighed. He felt awful for Ellie that her relationship with Boyd fell apart on top of her losing Mark but he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t relieved that Boyd would stay with him again. “I really thought the two of you would be compatible together. I’m… sorry that it didn’t work out.” He was also surprised by what Ellie told him that Boyd said to her. He had never heard Boyd raise his voice ever, so for him to insult Ellie was almost impossible for him to believe.

“...I think you knew it would not be compatible from the very beginning, but thank you for giving me a chance despite that.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Oh man! I’m telling you, Heidi, Lavender gets you high the fastest!” Gloria snatched the free sample given to her and started sniffing it up immediately.

Heidi I laughed. “I didn’t know different colors made a difference, Glo.” As for what color Heidi got, black of course. Like the emo motorcycle bitch she was. 

Gloria looked down at her free sample and frowned. “This isn’t enough to get high. We’ll have to open up a paint can or two to do the job.” She set the free sample on the aisle shelf and grabbed a gallon paint can. She then proceeded to grab a paint can opener before sitting down in the middle of the aisle with the can in front of her.

Heidi sat down across from her and watched Gloria open the paint can.

When Gloria got the paint can opened, she put the lid on the ground and started to inhale deeply into the paint can. “Okay this is the good shit. Go ahead, Heidi.”

Heidi and Gloria kept taking turns putting their faces close to the paint to breathe in the fumes.

One employee wearing the sexy orange colored vest came storming up to them, shutting their fun down. “Hey! You can’t open that without paying first!”

Despite the fact Heidi would want to get dicked by a Home Depot employee anyday, she was not going to let some orange prick prevent her from getting high. After the whole gang shit, damn she needed it. 

“Yeah, well, go fuck yourself. If anything, we’re doing people a favor by breathing in all the fumes from the paint to make it less toxic!” That’s probably not how it worked but whatever. “...you should hire me.” 

Gloria was about to back her up but she decided against it. The employee’s face was getting as bright as his vest. Dude was not happy. “I am going to have to ask for the two of you to leave! Now! Before I call security!”

“Then call them, asshole.” Heidi continued to huff the paint, figuring that would be good enough to scare him off. It wasn’t. He huffed to himself, just not the paint, before dialing up security. 

As Gloria and Heidi were being dragged out, Ellie and Gyro stared at them before ignoring it and going back to doing whatever. Neither of them gave a shit. 

Soon enough, the two were thrown onto the concrete sidewalk outside of Home Depot. And no, they didn’t get to keep the cans or the free samples if that wasn’t obvious enough.

“Damnit!” Heidi hit the sidewalk with her fist, which wasn’t a good idea. She cringed, sitting up to examine her hand and the bloody scrapes she got. The security didn’t need to be that aggressive, damn. They weren’t the police. 

“Ugh! I know! That was like, the fifth Home Depot I’ve been kicked out of!” Each time has been for huffing paint.

“I would’ve never guessed you were that crazy when I first met you, Glo.” Heidi laughed, propping her bloodied arm on her knee. Blood was getting on her pants, but they were black so it wasn’t a big deal. “Usually I get kicked out for stealing tools for my bike. Or held in the back until the police arrive.” 

“I guess we could always try to sneak back in through the garden section.” Gloria thought it would be funny to prank people by planting weed in their potted plants but immediately turned that idea down. 1) she didn’t have any weed on her and 2) why the fuck would she waste weed on a stupid prank like that?

Heidi shook her head, although she still had a stupid smile on her face. She hadn’t committed ‘crimes’, if that was considered one, with friends in a long time. Her gang didn’t count anymore, obviously. “Nah. I’m sure Gy and El will be out soon so there’s no point.” She pulled out a cigarette and a lighter, always having at least one on her at all times. If she couldn’t get high, then smoking was the next best option for her. “You want one?” She held the pack up. 

Gloria laughed “Do you even have to ask?” Gloria grabbed one cigarette from her pack as well as Heidi’s lighter.

They sat in silence for a while, having a good old time just smoking, when Heidi finally decided to speak up about what was bothering her. Or rather, the question itching at the back of her mind.

“Hey, Glo, can I ask you something?” She didn’t bother waiting for an answer because no one ever said no. “Why are you so chill being around me after everything? You’re acting like nothing happened. I mean, yeah I guess I helped save you guys, but that doesn’t change anything.” 

“Well back in Tampa you reminded me of who I used to be. I was always on the road and getting mixed up into trouble that I didn’t want to get into. But I had to just to get by. I felt awful for you and I remember how much it sucked living like that. Once I got out of that life, however, I became a much better person. Debatably.” Gloria laughed at her own joke before continuing. “I was given a second chance to change my life around and I am much happier because of it. It’s only fair that you were given the same opportunity.”

That made Heidi’s heart flutter, but she wasn’t going to make a move on Gloria. Not anymore. Gyro was a way better fit for her than Heidi could ever be. Either way, what Gloria said made Heidi feel so much better about herself. 

“Thanks… that means a lot.” She smiled, but moved on quickly to get off of the awkward subject. “You should probably know I’m thinking about moving to Duckburg. Not because of you, I just know there are a lot of opportunities there. But if I end up doing so maybe we could hang out sometime.”

Gloria smiled “You should! They have a Home Depot there that I have yet to be kicked out of!” She laughed at her stupid joke again. “But yeah if you do decide on moving to Duckburg, just let me know and I can help you get situated there. It’s California so it’ll be expensive but it’s also a pretty big city so it’s not hard to find a job.”

Gloria was about to tell her more about Duckburg when she paused and squinted her eyes at a guy who was coming from the parking lot, heading towards the entrance.

Heidi looked at her and followed her eyes to see who she was looking at. “You know him or something?”

She gasped when he came closer. “Yeah! That’s Fenton! He works with me and Gyro!” Gloria stood up and stomped out her cigarette. “You can come and meet him if you want.” She didn’t bother to wait on her, she was already speed walking towards Fenton to get his attention. “Yo! Fenton! Hey!” Gloria smiled at him. After everything she went through it was nice to see a familiar and friendly face again.

He jumped back, terrified someone yelled out his name in the middle of Cincinnati. And then he became mortified when he realized it was Gloria. Oh no, oh helllllll no! They were supposed to be on a cruise! He was supposed to have a break from chaos in Cincinnati with his relatives!

“Oh, mierda!” He was about to bolt back to his car but Gloria saw that coming and locked arms with him like the little bitch she was. 

“Hey, how’s it going Fenton?! God, I haven’t seen you in forever! What are you doing here in Cincinnati?”

“...visiting distant relatives.” He coughed into his fist. “U-um, what are you doing here? Is everyone else with you too? I thought you were supposed to be on that cruise…” 

“Don’t worry about it! It’s a long story that I can tell you about later. But hey, Gyro is inside! You wanna say hi?”

Fenton lowkey wanted to say hi to Gyro, but he didn’t want to get involved with the Glomsquad at all during his family vacation. Chaos would ensue and he would not be having it. “Ah, ya know. I’m good.” He pointed his thumb back toward his car. “Ya know, I just realized that I don’t need tools from Home Depot, turns out the tools I need are at Lowe’s. I should get going.” 

While this was going down, Heidi was still sitting on the sidewalk. Gloria did invite her to talk to Fenton, but she honestly didn’t want to get involved. Just because he was Gloria’s friend didn’t mean Heidi should introduce herself. She didn’t want to continuously get in Gloria’s business so she continued smoking where she was. 

“Fenton?!” Gyro squaked. He came walking over to him with his big old clown feet with Ellie following behind. And no, he didn’t put any of the tools back. Aka, Ellie was pushing a cart of bags from behind. “What are you doing here?”

“Mierda…” Fenton cursed under his breath. Homeboy was a religious man, so if he was cursing, you knew he was upset. “I’m just visiting family, Dr. Gearloose. What are you all doing here?”

“It’s a long story.” He muttered, crossing his arms. “Hey. We’re staying in an apartment right now and can’t really afford a motel since Mark is dead so can we stay with you? It’s kinda cramped where we’re at at the moment. I don’t want to keep bothering Heidi.” Really he just wanted to get away from Heidi, Dingles, and Vic. Especially Heidi. The reasoning didn’t need to be explained. 

“O-oh. Well, ya see, it’s a family reunion so…”

Gyro patted him on the back. “Thanks!” He gave Fenton a look that read ‘uh, no, we’re staying with you. There isn’t a choice.’ All of that in one look.

Fenton gulped and nodded. “O-okay. I’ll give you the address.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The morning before visiting hours had passed by slowly for Ellie, but the visiting hours itself passed by way too fast. She only had about an hour left and it wasn’t enough.

Mark had survived the night but he looked absolutely horrid. His face remained unharmed for the most part considering the bullet only went through his forehead, but it was a bloody mess and the stitches were crude. It would leave a terrible scar Mark would freak out about and have to cover up with his feathers when he woke up. If he woke up. 

The doctor had told Ellie that he may have survived the night, but there was a very small chance he would survive the week. And if he did, the chance of him waking up in the first place was next to impossible. 

The thought that gnawed at Ellie’s mind was what the doctor had said the previous night. If Mark had woken up, he wouldn’t be the same Mark due to the brain damage. What the hell was that supposed to even mean?

All those thoughts buzzed around in her mind as her forehead laid against the side of Mark’s bed. She couldn’t bear to look at him due to his condition, so she bowed her head, keeping her arms above her to squeeze his hand tightly with both of her hands. One of which had the engagement ring that the doctor had given her, having found it in Mark’s pocket when they were dressing him in a gown for surgery. 

Ellie was shaking uncontrollably, begging for him to wake up before the hour was up. 

A few more minutes ticked by and the room was very quiet with the exception of the heart monitor beeping at a constant pace. Mark squeezed his eyes before slowly opening them, blinking a couple of times to get used to the light. He cocked his head so he could see who was holding onto his hand. That very small movement made him dizzy. He blinked a few more times to get his eyesight back. “Hello?” His voice was raspy and low from being unconscious for so long. 

With the exception of moving his head ever so slightly, he didn’t move the rest of his body. He felt too weak to do so. After a minute of being conscious, a wave of pain from his head just hit him. It felt like the worst migraine imaginable, making him wince and cringe.

Ellie shot her head up immediately and almost shut down from pure shock. There was no fucking way this man woke up after being shot straight through the head. But Ellie didn’t bother to think about how that happened. She could barely even process what was happening right then. 

“...Mark?” 

He continued to stare at her so Ellie assumed he was waiting for her to continue. 

She broke out into a sob, though she was smiling wider than she ever had in her short lifespan. “Goodness, you are such an idiot.” She laughed weakly. God, she wanted to give him a hug so bad but she knew it wasn’t a good idea when he was in such an unstable condition. She leaned forward and squeezed onto his hand as hard as she could. “Why did you do that for me? You practically died. What was I supposed to do without you?” She attempted to scoot closer but almost fell off the chair so she sadly had to stay put. Her voice softened. “Thank you for saving me, Mark. I do not deserve you. I never did. You say you are a villain but you are not. I am sorry I ever called you one and I am sorry for every time I was ever rude to you or… whatever else I did.” She couldn’t think of everything she had done to Mark that lowkey hurt his feelings. “You are a hero. You are my hero. I love you so so much.” 

Mark’s expression was a cross between neutral and confused. It took him another minute to speak again. He was pretty dehydrated on top of everything and his throat hurt when he spoke. “Uh… who are you?”

Ellie was taken aback but still didn’t let go of his hand. She must’ve heard him wrong. “Pardon? It is me. Ellie. Your wife.” She said that like she was unsure herself. 

Mark continued to give her a confused look. “Wife? I don’t know you…”

Ellie finally let go of his hand and scooted back in a bit of shock of what he had just said. “Mark, this is not the appropriate time to be joking around with me.” She kept her voice monotone, finding it a bit inconsiderate to yell at a man who just survived a bullet going through his head. Yet, if this was any other scenario, she would have flipped the fuck out on him for pulling a prank at such a time. 

Mark changed the subject. He had no clue what Ellie was talking about. “Are you a news reporter or something?” His line of thinking was that people were coming in to interview him over the fact that he was in the hospital. 

“No. I told you. I am your wife.” Ellie stood up immediately and started pacing the room. Oh no no no. This couldn’t be happening. When was she going to catch a break? Fucking never! “What is the last thing you remember?”

Mark stared at the ceiling as he began to think. “Ummm… I remember being at my mom’s IT party.” He was trying to remember more but his memories stopped after the party. He remembered the party crashers and the commotion that night and figured that he was in the hospital because of that. 

“What?!” Ellie didn’t mean to raise her voice but it just happened. And damn it hurt Mark’s head.

The IT party didn’t ring a bell so it must’ve happened before she was built which made it all the more worse. 

“You do not recall Agartha? Camp Godgold? Tina and T-bag? Does any of that sound familiar?” Ellie paused. “What about the cruise?” 

Now Mark was getting a little pissed. He was alone in a hospital with who he thinks is a stranger that’s yelling at him. And this girl isn’t informing the doctors that he’s awake. He kept trying to place Ellie’s face in his mind but nothing came up, making his mind run around in a circle. None of this was helping his head. “Look, dudette, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Can you hand me my phone or something?”

“You did not answer my questions directly.” Ellie started pacing faster and pulling at her hair. “You were shot through the head. That is why you lost your memories.” She was more of talking to herself at that point before she finally stopped and turned to Mark, approaching him again to repeat herself. She looked desperate. “You were shot through the head and you lost some of your memories. Please believe me, Mark. You have to believe me.” 

He smiled at her, thinking he caught on to what she was talking about. “Wait a minute… Is this a reality TV show or something?” 

“Pardon? No. Absolutely not.” 

“It totally is. I see a camera right there.” Mark didn’t have the strength yet to point but he kept his eyes on the camera he was referring to so Ellie could see. It was indeed a camera, but it was a security camera that the hospital had placed in every patient’s room. Mark didn’t know the difference.

Ellie had no idea what his thought process was. Even when he had his memories. “Why would you suddenly be on a reality television show after waking up from a severe injury? That is nonsense.” 

Mark ignored Ellie and started talking to the camera on the ceiling “Hey world, it’s me, ya boi.” He winked at the camera.

Goddamnit. 

Deep down- no, on surface level, Ellie knew there was no possible way he was going to recover his memories so quickly. If at all, but that second option she wasn’t going to think about. That would be too much to handle at the moment. 

If this continued, as soon as they got released from the hospital he would leave to go back to Duckburg immediately. They were going that way anyway, but if he truly didn’t remember her there was no way she would be able to see him again. She would have to schedule appointments at Waddle and even then it would only be a matter of time before he banned her. Ellie could see it happening. She had to think of a way to get him to stay with her. For the sake of helping him regain his memories, and for the sake of keeping herself sane, considering her programmed obsession with him.

She was going to regret what she was going to say. She already knew it.

“Oh wow! You figured it out! Darn!” She put her hands on her hips. She sounded so fake but knowing Mark, he was going to believe it. Getting shot in the head wasn’t going to raise his IQ. “You guessed it! We are on…” God. Ellie didn’t know any reality television shows. She never watched one because she knew she would despise them. 

Wait… what was that one Tina brought up in the car? Oh, right!

“We are on 90 Day Fiancé! And I, Ellie, am your chosen Fiancée.” 

Ellie quickly downloaded all the information on the show that she could. Apparently being chosen as someone’s fiancée wasn’t exactly how the game worked, but it was too late to back out of it now. The goal of the game was to get married at the end of 90 days to a foreigner you met over the internet or something similar to the sort. Ellie had to make it more convincing so, with poor judgement, she downloaded all british dialects. 

She spat out her impeccable accent right away. “And I am from England.” She laid a hand on her chest to gesture to herself. 

This lie was horrid and it was going to bite her in the ass. 

“Yessssss I love that show!” He looked over at Ellie again. “Could you get the nurse, fiancée? I wanna get out of here and go home. Oh wait… you have nurses in England, right?”

She sighed. “Yes we have nurses in England.” Before she left to get the nurse, she turned around to look at him again. “Also, I will head out and get you a new phone.” Somehow. She didn’t have money. “Your old one was stolen by a gang member.” She left before explaining what the fuck that even meant. 

“A gang member? Man, these reality shows keep getting crazier and crazier…”

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro finally sighed and stepped back from Boyd, placing down the last of the tools he was using. And no, he didn’t use all of the ones he got from Home Depot. “Okay. I’m done. Now we just need to wait for him to wake up. It should be a few minutes.”

They were all still in Heidi’s apartment. They would leave shortly after Boyd woke up to stay with Fenton and his family so Heidi had more space considering her apartment was very small. 

Gyro had no idea what Fenton’s extended family was like, but he didn’t care, it had to be better than… this.

From across the small living room, Dingles was sipping on apple juice and just staring at Gyro. “Woahhhhh, I didn’t know the kid was a robot!”

“... you helped me get his parts from the van...and I’m sure your buddies mentioned it multiple times.”

“Maybe?” Dingles scratched his head. “Anyway, I’ll be back. My new job is to advertise myself for weddings.” He held up his shitty business card, all hand made. 

“That’s not a job, Dingles.” Heidi muttered, but it was too late, he was already out the door. That left Heidi, Vic, Gloria, and Gyro in the room now. He really wished Heidi and Vic would just leave already to leave him and Gloria alone with Boyd when he woke up but whatever. 

Gloria walked out of Heidi’s kitchen with a glass of water, handing it to Gyro. He didn’t take a break in rebuilding Boyd so she figured he was probably exhausted. She smiled at him. “I can’t wait to see him again!”

Gyro smiled at her back before sitting down near Boyd and taking a sip of water.

Gloria then made her way over to where Vic and Heidi were. She wanted to speak with them before Boyd woke up because she knew that when he’s back, they’re going to spend all of their time with him.

“Hey, so what’s up with you guys?” Gloria stuffed her hands in her pockets.

Heidi and Vic were sitting on the living room couch together. Heidi was the first one to answer her. “Nothing much. We were just talking about Vic’s new job, ya?” She nudged him with her elbow. 

Vic smiled “Yep! I got a job at Femboy Hooters! Today will be my first day so I hope I can make a good first impression.”

“V, you’ll be fiiiiinneeee! Femboy Hooters is lucky to have you!” Heidi reassured him. “Hell, if you want me to, I can be your first customer. Would that help?”

“Actually, I think it would! Thanks, Heidi!”

Gloria laughed “Remember to bring home any leftover food after your shift! You’ll be surpirsed how much food gets wasted every day.”

Vic only smiled and nodded. He wasn’t much of a talker which was probably why Femboy Hooters hired him. People were into quiet fem boys. ;)

Heidi answered for him to take the weight off his shoulders. “Ya, for sure. I’ll make sure to bring back tons of wigs and… wait aren’t you vegetarian? Well, um, fries too I guess.” Heidi didn’t know what else Hooters had for Gloria. “Anyway, I’m going to be driving Vic there on my bike so I’ll see you later, Glo. You too Gy.”

“Good riddance…”

Heidi didn’t feel the need to respond to Gyro. She simply waved Gloria and him off before leaving. Vic’s shift didn’t start for another two hours but she could tell Gyro was very stressed and needed to be alone, specifically to talk with Gloria. Vic didn’t protest although he didn’t know what was going on. He just looked confused as hell as Heidi dragged him out. 

When the door finally shut, Gyro ran his hands down his face. “God…” He mumbled.

Gloria took a chair from the kitchen and pulled it up next to Gyro’s self set-up work station. “Are you… doing okay?” It wasn’t a good question but she had to ask, even if she knew the answer.

“I guess?” He lied. Gloria raised a brow. “No. No, I'm not doing alright. Ya happy? I admitted it.”

Gloria sat silently, not taking his attitude to heart. He was in as much pain as she was.

Sighing again, he raised his hands up in surrender. “Sorry sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I just- God. I’m going to have to see Ms. Kris again and I’m not looking forward to that. I don’t know how I’m going to recover from this. All of this. My dad, the gang, hell, even Steelbeak. I just…” He trailed off. There wasn’t more to say unless he was going to talk in circles. “What about you? You definitely went through more than I did with… you know.” He was referring to T-bag. 

She nodded. “Yeah I think I should see Ms. Kris again too. A lot has happened to the both of us in such a short time but I think I’m doing okay as one would be…” She continued “He kinda reminded me of Axel which isn’t great, obviously. It felt like I was back in that horrible time in my life back in New York… Whatever. I’m trying not to dwell on it too much. I think the worst is behind us now.” 

“Yeah, I’m trying not to dwell on it too, but it’s hard. I still can’t view myself the same and I don’t I ever will. I’m a terrible person.” He moved on before Gloria could respond to that. “I have no idea what T-bag did to you but I am so sorry I couldn’t be there to protect you. I didn’t even fight, I just did what they said hoping they would spare you in return.” 

“Gyro, don’t apologize. You did everything right! I mean, I’m alive and I’m here with you again, right? Seems to me like you did the right thing, so thank you.” She gave him a reassuring smile, hoping what she said would be enough for him to be able to forgive himself. 

“Thanks…” He smiled weakly, it wasn’t genuine but he didn’t want to upset Gloria anymore. He took her hand into his own and they sat that way as the minutes ticked by, waiting for Boyd to wake up.

The door opened and Gyro sighed, assuming it was going to be Heidi back from Femboy Hooters already but to his and Gloria’s surprise, it was Ellie. It was a mystery how on Earth she got back from the hospital by herself, but Gyro wasn’t going to bother to ask.

Little do they know that bitch walked across the city like a madwoman. 

She slammed the door behind her and stared at it for a second before turning back around and sliding down with her back against it, sitting on the floor. She started pulling at her hair immediately. 

Gyro had no idea what to say to that. He assumed the worst and kept quiet. 

Gloria let go of Gyro’s hand and walked over to Ellie, crouching down on the floor so she could speak to her on more of an eye level. “Ellie? Are you okay?” Again, a pretty stupid question but she needed to know. Gloria and Gyro both knew it had to do with Mark.

“No!” She screamed, causing Gloria to almost fall over. “Mark survived and-and…” She started sobbing, the most surprising part was she actually didn’t exactly sound ‘happy’ that Mark was alive. “He lost all of his memories of the past few years… so I told him we were on ‘90 Day Fiance’ and that I am from England. I downloaded the dialect and everything! I do not know what to do!” 

That sounded really stupid when she said it out loud but Ellie didn’t quite realize that. She just continued to sob and clung onto Gloria. 

Gloria rubbed her back as a means to calm her down. She was relieved that Mark was alive but it didn’t last knowing that he lost all of his memories of everything that he went through with them. She was also confused by what Ellie was talking about with the reality show and English accent but figured it would be a question to ask Ellie later. “Hey hey hey, it’ll be alright. We’ll figure something out, okay?” Gloria had no clue how to “figure something out” in this situation but it was the only thing she could think to say. “Do you know when he’ll be released from the hospital?” 

“The doctor told me the chances of his memories returning are impossible. Him surviving is as lucky as it gets.” Ellie was hugging Gloria so tightly her fingers were unintentionally digging into her back and it hurt like hell. “I lost Boyd and now I lost Mark. I have no one.”

Ellie knew that Gloria had no idea the events that had taken place between her and Boyd, but she didn’t care. She just needed to say all of that out loud. 

“That’s not true, Ellie. You still have me and Gyro. And just because Mark lost his memories doesn’t mean he’s permanently gone from your life. He’ll just have to meet you again.” Gloria was confused about what she said about Boyd but figured she would get her answer to that as soon as he wakes up.

“Hello?”

Everyone in the room jumped; both Gyro and Gloria were so focused on Ellie’s breakdown that they hadn’t noticed that Boyd had just woken up.

He was sitting up, looking around the room with a very confused expression. 

“Boyd?!”

Everyone yelled that at their own time, running over to him. 

Ellie didn’t mean to, but that hoe literally shoved Gloria out of the way to get to him. 

Gyro laid a hand on Boyd’s own, while Ellie laid a hand on his cheek, rubbing her thumb across it.

It looked like Gloria was stuck watching in the background for now. Sucked to be her I guess.

“Oh my gosh, Boyd…” Ellie was still crying over Mark, Boyd waking up only made it worse but there was a smile on her face. The fact Boyd hated her completely left her mind. “We escaped. You are safe now, I promise.” She whispered. 

“Boyd, do you feel okay? Are you in any pain?” Gyro asked him.

Gloria sat on the floor bside Gyro so she could be a part of this too. She didn’t ask him anything but she smiled at him. He was already being bombarded by a lot while he was just waking up. 

Boyd stared at everyone in the room. He didn’t say anything for a while, keeping a neutral look on his face. It looked like he was deep in thought. “Yes, I’m fine…” His voice was low and hushed.

No one knew what to say to that. It was clear he was anything but. 

Gyro squeezed his hand tighter. “I know everything we’ve been through hasn’t been fine. It never was. But as soon as we get back to Duckburg, Gloria and I will make sure nothing ever happens again. I mean it this time. No more vacations. No more fighting dictators. Just normal family adventures and camping trips with Huey for you to go on.”

Boyd nodded his head slowly, still processing everything that had happened to him. It was a lot. He didn’t respond to Gyro. Instead he turned his attention back to Ellie. “You shut me down.” His voice was still neutral and he said it as if he was telling her a fact.

Her metaphorical heart sunk. “Yes. I did.” Ellie kept her voice as monotone as she could despite her sobs, like she was stating facts herself as she continued. “I apologize, Boyd. I know that is not what you requested of me and I swear I will never do that again.” She paused. She had no idea how to end this because deep down she knew Boyd was going to be furious no matter what she said, but she tried her best to deny it. “They were not able to hurt you as they were able to hurt us. That is all that matters to me. You are safe, you are alive, and you will be able to return to Duckburg to live with Dr. Gearloose, as well as Gloria.” 

“You shut me down… and I told you not to. You didn’t listen to me.” The memories of what happened right before he was shut down started coming back to him. “You never listened to me.” He was silent for a moment before he continued “... but why should I care about that anymore. You’re not my mom. You never were.” His tone was a lot sharper than before. He gave Ellie the same look that he did when they were fighting in Savannah.

Both Gloria and Gyro’s eyes widened. They watched as Ellie took a step back and shut her eyes, clenching her fists. It was obvious she was trying to keep herself from crying harder in front of Boyd. But, despite it all, she didn’t fight him on that and kept her mouth shut.

“Boyd…” Gyro was a bit off put by Boyd’s sudden attitude, but it wasn’t going to stop him from comforting him. “I know you’re mad at Ellie, but she did what was best for you in that situation. I would’ve done the same thing.” He placed his other hand over his chest to gesture to himself. “Listen, if you really don’t want to see Ellie anymore, we won’t fight you on that, but you need to calm down.” 

Boyd’s glare suddenly turned to Gyro. “So you would shut me down too, huh?”

Gyro retracted his hand from Boyd’s shoulder. “Wait- Boyd, no. I-”

“You’re no hero. You’re no better then Ellie is.”

“Excuse me?!” Gyro couldn’t help but raise his voice, he immediately felt guilty after but it didn’t calm him down. Ellie may have been his ‘friend’ or ‘family’ or whatever you want to call it, but she was a murderous robot Boyd just compared him too.

Boyd stood up and brushed off his shoulder where Gyro had touched him. “You’re a villain, just like her!” His voice grew in volume as he pointed an accusing finger at Ellie. “I heard Gloria whispering to her about you in the hotel. She said you killed your own dad. You’re a-” Boyd bawled his fists. “You’re a murderer too! I bet you killed other people like she did, didn’t you?! And you’re just hiding it from me!”

Gyro took a step back. He was at a loss for words. But Boyd surely wasn’t.

“You can say you're better than her, but you aren’t! You were the one that took me apart weren’t you?! You’re sick! You’re a monster!” Boyd had finally started crying. “You’re a villain! You’re a villain!” He started to repeat that over and over again.

It was Gloria’s turn to say something. She kept her voice calm but she knew that it wasn’t going to change his attitude. She figured she would at least try. “Boyd, please don’t talk to Gyro and Ellie like this. They’ve been doing what they felt was best for you. They love you and so do I.”

“Says the druggy who can’t keep her life together!” He turned to her quickly, his voice even angrier than before which Gloria didn’t even think it was possible. “All you do is get drunk and do drugs to escape your past. But you can’t escape your past! You were a villain then and you are now. Maybe you murdered people in your own gang against your will, I’m not sure, but you murdered people in the present all on your own! And you had the audacity to say you’re my aunt! I hate you!” 

Gloria was truly at a loss for words. She held her hands up like she was surrendering and scooted away from him. Everything that he just told her felt like venom and the fact that she had no idea how long he’s been thinking this way only broke her heart more.

“Boyd…” Ellie was very reluctant to speak to him again, but she had to defend her friends. “You have every right to despise me. But please do not bring Gloria and Dr. Gearloose into it. They were thrown into terrible situations while I chose to be a terrible person. You can blame me but do not blame them.”

“No! They don’t have any excuse for their actions! I was thrown into every situation that everyone else was in and I never killed or hurt anyone! All of you are awful, including Mark! I think he’s the worst out of all of you!” He shook his head. He glared at the floor before looking at everyone again. “You know what?! I’m done! I can’t be around any of you! I’m leaving and there’s nothing any of you can do about it! I hate all of you! I never want to see any of you ever again!” Boyd started crying, not because he was sad, but rather because of how livid he was. It was an angry cry and it made his whole body shake. 

Gloria was the first to react when she saw him bolt toward the door. “Boyd, wait! No-”

It was too late, he was out the door and had blasted off into the sky. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	46. No Title

Fenton rolled into Gyro, Gloria, and Ellie’s hotel room that his family had bought for them because they really didn’t like any of them which was of no surprise to Fenton.

He was adorned in full GizmoDuck gear, excluding the helmet he took off once he entered, holding it between his arm and side. The three stared at him and he eventually gave in to answer the question on their minds. 

“No. There’s still no sign of him. I’m guessing none of you have seen anything today either.” 

None of them answered at first so Gloria settled on being the first. “No, we split up to search different parts of the city today too. We even asked people. There was nothing…”

“God.” Gyro was pacing the room, gnawing away at his tongue. He drew blood at one point but he had no idea when. His mouth had tasted like copper for hours. “What are we going to do? It’s been three days! What if someone has kidnapped him by now?” 

In his heart, Gyro knew that Boyd was fine. He had been on his own before, plus he had rocket feet. But the fact he was away from them for the first time in what felt like forever was horrifying. Boyd had truly never been alone except when Mark had found him in the dump all that time ago. Since then he had been tossed around. This time around, however, he chose his own path and flew off. He chose to be by himself and it came out of nowhere.

And… the things he had said to all of them. It was no surprise he hated Ellie and Mark if Gyro was being completely honest, but him and Gloria as well? They really fucked up. Boyd only confirmed Gyro’s fear this whole time; he was indeed considered a villain for murdering so many people. 

Fenton shook his head at Gyro’s question. “He probably just flew back to Duckburg. There wouldn’t be anywhere else for him to go.”

Boyd had three days to go wherever he wanted to go with his rocket feet, meaning he could be literally anywhere in the world by now, and everyone knew that.

“Fenton’s right. If anything, he probably flew to the McDuck Mansion to see Huey.” Gloria agreed with Fenton and added along to what he was saying to help give Gyro and Ellie some ease over the situation. “But we can keep searching around Cincinnati, too.”

“No. If he’s Duckburg then we should leave now to meet up with him.” Gyro continued to pace around the room. He wasn’t fully convinced that Boyd would be back in Duckburg but it was a better explanation to his wearbouts than him staying around in Cincinnati for three days without anyone finding him.

Ellie was sitting by the window, somewhat out of it and ignoring everyone for the most part, but that caught her attention. She looked over at the three of them, though at no one in particular. “We cannot leave.” She whispered, shaking her head. “Mark has not been released from the hospital just yet. I will not leave him here. We should continue to search Cincinnati until then.” 

After three days of searching for him in Cincinnati, none of them really felt like he was in the city anymore, making their searching feel more like a waste of time. 

“Did the doctors tell you when he would be released from the hospital?” Gloria asked her.

Gyro wasn’t happy that they were now stuck in Cincinnati just because of Mark but he kept his mouth shut. Ellie lost her husband and son in a matter of days. Even he knew that the last thing she needed to hear from him was a snarky remark. He would save his rants about that whenever he talked to Gloria privately.

Ellie shook her head again. “I have not heard anything from the doctor as of yet.” She lied. In fact, Ellie had gotten multiple calls from the hospital on her new flip phone she had stolen, but refused to pick up every single time. She hadn’t seen Mark or visited the hospital since she found out about his memory loss. She was ashamed of it, but she was scared to confront him again. The very thought was horrifying. But she knew she had to see him again at some point. 

She built up enough courage to finally sit up and walk toward the door. “I will go visit the hospital and check up on him now, alright? I want to find Boyd as much as you do.” She gave them all a curt nod before leaving. 

Gyro let out an exasperated sigh as he took Ellie’s spot by the window. “What are we supposed to do? Keep searching around the city? You both know he isn’t here.” He started gnawing on his finger, drawing blood. Dude was losing it. “We- we can’t keep waiting around. Something is going to happen to him if we don’t find him quickly.” By the chance he was with Huey didn’t exactly mean he was safe, not with the luck they had. 

“Well, I’m going to head out to look for him again. You two can discuss what you want to do next. If worse comes to worse, I will stay in the city with Ellie and Mark while you travel to Duckburg. I’ll make sure they return safely.” He was staying in Cincinnati anyway because of his family reunion so it didn’t matter to him what decision the two made. He was forced to babysit them no matter the outcome. But considering the dire situation, he didn’t have a problem with it due to the dire situation. He loved Boyd as much as they did. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” He left as soon as he said that, leaving Gloria and Gyro alone.

Gyro looked over at Gloria expectantly, still gnawing away at his finger as anxiety continued to build up inside him. 

Gloria sighed and frowned at Gyro. “What do you want to do? Do you want to go out again and look for him? I don’t think he’s here anymore either but we can try anyways if you want.”

“Listen…” He ran a hand through his hair because he knew Gloria wasn’t going to like what he had to say. “I don’t want to wait around in the city when we both know Boyd isn’t here. It’s pointless. I say we take up Fenton’s offer and head back to Duckburg while Ellie and Mark stay here. We can make sure Fenton continues to look around Cincinnati after we leave if need be.” 

She nodded “Yeah, I agree. Plus if we split up we can cover more ground but I honestly think if he is going to be anywhere, it would be back home.” She paused for a minute before continuing. “We don’t have any way of getting back home though. Maybe we should walk around and look for a train station.”

“Good idea.” Gyro nodded. “Let’s head out. We can tell Fenton about our plan later on.”

Gloria followed behind as they left the hotel room.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie reached for the door handle of Mark’s hospital room and stopped as soon as she made contact with its metal surface. She already knew what was going to happen on the other side of that door. If Mark truly had lost his memories, which there was no doubt about it, then that would mean he reverted to his old self. And that meant he was the Mark who didn’t trust anyone, specifically women, and was an asshole.

Well, he was always an asshole, but he was going to be a mega asshole. 

When she was first built, when she first met him, all he did was insult her left and right, treating her like some… some thing. She didn’t want to experience that again. 

He didn’t know she was a robot so maybe it would be different this time around if she just kept that part of herself a secret. 

“Ma’am, you’re blocking the hallway.” 

A nurse, leading a patient down the hall, cut off Ellie’s train of thought. 

Ellie didn’t say anything, that was her cue to enter the room and stop stalling. It was just hard to mentally prepare after Boyd. She didn’t know how much more she could take. 

Taking a deep, metaphorical breath, Ellie turned the door handle and entered, closing the door politely behind her. 

“YOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” 

Ellie nearly jumped out of her metal skin at Mark’s scream-like greeting. She knew he was going to be his old self again but not this energetic considering his injury. Needless to say, she walked over as he continued talking.

“Sup Elbow! I know that’s not your name but I forgot your real one; don’t bother telling me because I don’t give a shit.”

Yep. She called it.

“ANYWAY, what took you so long to get back here? No one keeps Mark Beaks waiting so that was really not cool of you…” The whole time speaking, Mark didn’t even glance at her so how he even knew it was her was beyond Ellie’s ability to process. He was typing away at his new phone she had delivered to him, definitely Tweeting. “You better have a good excuse because you’re making me feel like I’m not the most important person in the world.”

“I apologize, I did not know you were waiting for me.” You know damn well she turned on the British accent real quick. Had to keep the lie going after all. “I was dealing with personal matters.” 

He rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Personal matters? Yeah, that’s not my problem.” Mark’s head nodded toward the seat close to his bed, pointing to it. “Take a seat, I need to give my fiancée the lay down.”

Ellie didn’t know what the fuck the “lay down” was but she followed her order and sat next to his bed on the old floral chair. It looked like it was from the 70s. The hospital really needed to upgrade. 

Mark wasted no time getting started with his speech. “Kay, so we’re like a ‘thing’, but I’m only in this for the show. So as soon as we get married and the season is over, off you go. Divorce time, yay!!!! I’ll just tell all my followers that you were using me for my money and cheated on me. You’ll get a lot of haters but it’ll be the most attention you ever get in your life so that doesn’t sound too bad, now does it?” It wasn’t a question. He truly believed bad fame was better than none at all. “Also…” Mark glanced at her really quickly and he did not look pleased. He looked… disgusted? “Since we’re on television together you reallllllly need to, I dunno, try more? I mean, I can’t be seen on a hella awesome show with some chick that is waaaaaaay below my standards. You’ll never meet my standards but you seriously need to at least put in effort into making me look good. So why don’t you start with getting a new hairdo because you look horrid with short hair. Get extensions or something. Ummmm, and get better clothes that are Gucci or whatever. Definitely put on some makeup and DEFINITELY lose some weight. Cool? Cool.” 

Mark kept going before Ellie had time to process all of that and realize how absolutely insulting that was.

“Like, seriously, do you even care about your image? Duck Jesus…” He trailed off before his face lit up again, remembering what he was going to say next. “OH! And just so you know, you need to start birth control. Marky don’t do condoms. Ever.”

“... pardon?”

Mark ignored her. “I mean, obviously I would never bang someone as ugly as you, especially since you have zero curves, but we are a fake ‘thing’ and I am horny so I might as well use you for the next 90 days instead of hiring a prostitute. Free real estate, amiright?” He let out a heavy sigh. “Too bad I gotta wait until I’m out of the hospital. Like, we really need to make this show POPPIN as soon as I get released. The doctor said I should be good soon so you better get ready and make yourself presentable fast. No time to waste.”

Now that he stopped, Ellie was able to process everything he had said. Everything. And she didn’t even know what to be offended about first. The fact he wanted to use her as a free prostitute or the fact he insulted how she looked to the MAX. 

Not only was she now extremely uneasy, but she regretted coming up with that reality television lie even more now. She needed him to stay around her but this was the absolute worst way to get him to do that. 

And now she also had to worry about her looks. For the first time she started to feel self conscious. She believed she met the beauty standards of organic women but perhaps she was wrong. Did other people view her that way too?

“Are you going to say something or do I need to repeat everything in a stupid accent?”

Ellie couldn’t tell if his question was genuine or not, but she wouldn’t be surprised if it was, despite the demeaning tone behind it. 

“No. I understand.” 

Was Ellie going to do any of that for him? Absolutely not. But she figured the best way to get him to like her and treat her well was to be polite. Besides, the least she could do to repay Mark, the Mark she knew, for sacrificing himself was put up with who he was now for the moment. She needed to try her best to not snap at him, which was going to be very hard. 

Mark nodded his head and made a weird clicking sound with his tongue. “Okay. You can leave now. I don’t want to see your ugly mug again until I’m released so byeeeeeee! #goaway!”

Ellie’s thoughts started racing again. Boyd hated her and now Mark on top of it? She wanted to sob- no, she needed to sob, but she also needed to keep herself together in front of Mark. She lost her kid, she couldn’t lose him too. Not now.

She needed his presence at the moment, even if he was absolutely horrid. It still gave her some sort of supportive feeling being by his side. 

“Well, before I go, I believe it would be a wonderful idea to get to know one another more for the sake of the television show.” Ellie smiled. It looked really fake but Mark wouldn’t be able to tell either way. 

“I mean, I kinda don’t want to know anything about you but if it’s for the show…” He trailed off. “Fine.” Mark made a ‘shoo’ gesture to signal Ellie to start talking about herself. He started texting, not paying her any attention while she started to speak.

Shit. She wasn’t expecting to go first and worry started to eat her up. Mark and her had absolutely nothing in common, even when they got along. The only reason they began to like each other in the first place was because of the conditions they were put under, at least that is what Ellie assumed. 

When push came to shove, she knew telling Mark about herself was not going to get him to like her. At all. But she decided to be truthful anyway on the off chance she was incorrect. 

“Well… I am not sure where to begin.” She really didn’t. Her finger started tapping on her knee without her even thinking about it. Even her body subconsciously knew she was screwed. “I enjoy many things, but I will attempt to keep the list short. I adore Shakespeare, Hamlet especially. I saw Hamlet on Ice and it was magnificent.” For the most part. Up to the point Mark had crashed it, but looking back on it it was sort of cute. “I love everything educational, specifically mathematics. I would really like to get a mathematics degree at a university one day and teach kindergarten. I plan on doing that right away when my life… calms down.” She didn’t know how else to put that without giving away all the information. “I suppose to tie everything up neatly, I also find entertainment in coloring, puzzles, and collecting knives.”

She also wanted to mention murdering people but decided against it. She wasn’t sure what the old Mark’s opinions on murder were. 

Mark threw his head back on his pillow and faked falling asleep before jerking back up to shoot her a weird look. “Wowwwwwwww… are you serious? Was that like a shitty prompt a writer of the show told you to say? Pretty boring but anyways I don’t think I need to explain who I am because everyone already knows who I am. Sooooooo yeah.” He took a selfie of him, flashing his hospital band in the shot to get some sympathy likes on Twitter.

This was going to be a shitty move, but Ellie wanted Mark to tell her about himself and she knew just the way to do that.

“I do not know who you are. The producers simply told me your name is Mark Beaks. You should tell me about yourself.” She smiled. 

“WHAT?! YOU DON’T KNOW WHO I AM?! ME!?” He huffed and started typing his annoyance on social media. Once he was done with that, he went onto the Waddle app and turned the screen around to show Ellie. “Waddle, youngest billionaire ever and hella amazing with millions of followers; how do you NOT know me?!” He started to swipe through the Waddle app with the screen still directed at Ellie thinking that would help her realize who he was. “You don’t know who I am… God! Who are these producers?! They’re awful and one more move like that and I’ll call my lawyers to buy the show from under them. Then I’ll hire producers who know how to fucking run a reality show that stars me!” He gestured to himself. “Fucking idiots…” He huffed again and started to rapidly type away at his phone. 

“Ummm…” 

At least she got him to tell her about himself, but now she just wanted to cry. Boyd wasn’t leaving her mind and this was breaking her more by the moment. She knew this wasn’t going to go well but it was going way worse than she expected. She gulped out of a new habit she picked up from organics.

“U-um…” Ellie’s finger stopped tapping her knee and both of her hands gripped the fabric of her dress, wrinkling it. “I apologize. I just never had social media before and I do not follow celebrities or anything of the sort…” Her voice had begun to shake so she stopped, taking a moment to calm down. 

Ellie was desperate to find out anything about this version of Mark that she would be able to work with to earn his affection. Somehow.

“You seem to be into technology, correct?”

He glared at her like that was the most idiotic question on earth. Which it was because this is Mark Beaks we’re talking about.

“W-well, I am extremely interested in Artificial Intelligence, robots if you will. What is your opinion on that?” 

Mark shrugged “They’re fine I guess. I really don’t use robots unless they do something for me or my company. Like servants or whatever. But Waddle is going away from robots for a while after the whole B.U.D.D.Y fiasco that people are still butthurt over. Whatever, robots aren’t that great anyways. Minimum wage labor and free internships are the way to keep a company afloat! Not some stupid rusty pieces of garbage.”

Ellie swore that as soon as he started talking, a circuit broke inside of her. She felt it and could only assume it was the equivalent of an organic being ‘heart-broken’. 

“O-oh…” She figured it was best to go ahead and leave so she stood up and smoothed out her dress. “I suppose we do not have much in common but that is alright. I am sure it will get to a point sometime throughout the television season where we will learn to enjoy one another’s company.” She waited for his last response before she left the room. 

“Ha! Doubt it!” Mark posed for another selfie, flashing a huge smile as if he didn’t just insult someone.

She forced another smile though he wasn’t looking at her. “I will be going now. I have to continue tending to my personal matters.” She meant she was going to continue searching the city for Boyd. “I will make sure to ask the doctor when you will be released and retrieve you when it is necessary.” 

There was a soft knock at the door before Mark’s nurse let herself in. “Hello, I have an update on Mark. He is free to leave now.” Her update on him was very quick as if she had somewhere else to be. She was keeping her voice as professional as possible but it was clear that Mark was stressing her and his doctors out the longer he was there.

“BOO-YAH BABYYYYYYY!” 

Ellie and the nurse ignored Mark.

“P-pardon? Are you quite certain?” Ellie looked back at Mark before turning back to the nurse. Ellie’s face matched the concerned look of the woman. Neither of them wanted to deal with him. “Do you not agree he needs more time to recover in the hospital? It was quite the accident.” Ellie clasped her hands together but it was obvious she was begging the nurse to keep him. She wasn’t ready to deal with Mark outside of the hospital setting. She needed to focus on finding Boyd and she couldn’t do that if this terrible version of Mark was around with her. She just needed a few more days. That was all. 

“Yes, but as you can see he bounced back really quickly. His strength and mobility is back to normal so there is no need for him to be here any longer.” The nurse could see through Ellie’s protests and only insisted further that Mark shouldn’t be her problem any longer than it needs to be.

Mark laughed in the background. “Hah! What’s the problem, Elbow? Afraid I’ll sweep you off your feet with my manly charms outside of the hospital? Me being held here won’t protect you from having to deal with me. This is a reality TV show afterall. Gotta keep things spicy.” His face lit up again. “OMG! I should make that a new hashtag. #gottakeepthingsspicy! YASSSSSS!” He turned his attention back to his phone and started furiously tweeting about the new trend he was about to start. 

Ellie sighed, looking back at the nurse. Although it was next to impossible for Ellie to appear as such, she looked drained and exhausted. “Alright. I will fill out the release forms.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro and Gloria sat in a coffee shop, disappointed. No busses or trains in Cincinnati went the route toward Duckburg. And they couldn’t afford an airplane either with what little money they picked up through their travels. God. If only Glomgold was smart enough to grab their wallets before abducting them from the cruise.

He sipped his black coffee before looking up at Gloria with tired eyes. “Do you think you could convince Ellie to do whatever she did last time as a casino?” 

“I could ask her. I’m sure she would be willing to considering this is Boyd we’re talking about. I’ll mention it to her when we see her later today.” Gloria ordered a coffee too but she wasn’t drinking much of it. She was twirling the stirring stick around in circles instead to keep her busy. 

Gyro nodded. “Thanks. I guess we’ll go with that plan for now.” 

The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while. The coffee shop was mighty crowded so there was enough noise floating around for it to not be awkward.” 

“About what Boyd said… about all of us…” Gyro didn’t know where he was going with this but he felt the need to bring it up. They hadn’t spoken about it the entire time they’ve been searching for him but it was clearly weighing on both of their minds. “I mean… God.” He stopped there because he truly had no idea what he was going to say or what he was trying to get out. His mind just blanked. Now he just seemed like an idiot for bringing it up in the first place. 

Gloria sighed and looked up at him. “I know… it was pretty hard to listen to. And how long was he thinking this way about us?” That was a question that she didn’t expect Gyro to answer so she continued. She propped her elbow on the table with her head resting on her fist. “He said some pretty horrible things to the both of us. I know I’m not perfect but… damn. And what he said about you? I can’t even believe he would say something like that.”

“But was he wrong about any of that, Gloria? It hurts… so so much, but he just confirmed what I’ve been thinking about myself! I am a murderer, I am a villain! Of course he picked up on that. He deserves a way better family but I’m so scared he’ll end up getting lost or hurt when he’s on his own. I know he’s capable of protecting himself… but he’s not a fighter.” He gripped his coffee cup harder. If it wasn’t for the fact he was such a twink, it probably would’ve cracked under his grip. “And if we find him, he’s going to try so hard to get away from us, but I can’t bring myself to reprogram him or erase his memories! This whole situation is hopeless.” He voice lowered and he began to speak under his breath, more to himself. “We both are terrible people. Don’t deny it. You know it’s true.” 

She reached over the table to hold his hand. “I don’t think you’re a terrible person, Gyro. You’ve done terrible things but that doesn’t define you. Everything you did, it was because you were forced into horrible situations. Out of self defense or for the greater good... I know you’re still going to believe that you’re a villain no matter what I say but everytime I’m going to deny it and tell you that you’re wrong. You’ve done too many good things in your life for you to be deemed a “villain”. Everytime you think you’re a horrible person, you need to look back on all of the positive things you’ve accomplished.” She continued, letting go of his hand but keeping it on the table. “But I think Boyd was right about me. I’m just a troubled druggie who can’t seem to get her life together. I already knew that about myself but for him to say it to my face?” She stopped there, not sure what else to say.

“You can’t try to comfort me and then not comfort yourself.” He laughed. He couldn’t comprehend the reasoning behind that. “I’m not going to lie to you. We’re troubled, but Boyd doesn’t know the stories behind it. He wasn’t there. We’ve all been through so much torture compared to him, not that that deems his issues as any less severe but you understand what I’m getting it.” Gyro was staring at his reflection in his black coffee. It wasn’t comforting and he felt extremely guilty for what he had just said. “When Ellie said Boyd had called her a horrible mother, a part of me didn’t believe her. And I agree with Boyd if you want me to be honest, about Ellie that is. But us? It’s hard to deny it but I don’t see why he felt the need to just… attack like that. I don’t know what set him off. But, god, it hurts…I already said that but… I really viewed him as a son.” 

That broke Gloria’s heart. Gyro finally had a moment to breathe after being bombarded with one bad experience after another and Boyd left him without any explanation. “I’m so sorry, Gyro… After all these years where he wasn’t in your life, to come back only to leave again? I can’t even imagine how awful that feels.” Gloria wasn’t going to admit it or say it out loud to him but she was starting to get angry at Boyd. She had watched time and time again Gyro doing the best he could to be a good father only for Boyd to insult him and take off without any explanation. Gyro didn’t deserve that and if he had an issue with him, he should’ve explained it in a better manner and not just blow up in everyone’s faces.

“I still can’t blame him. I should’ve tried harder. I just…” He took another deep breath. “I feel like my life is going to crash.”

“Did someone say crash?!”

Gyro scoffed. “Listen, pal. We’re kind of in the middle of-” He squawked and had to to catch himself on the table to avoid falling out of his chair. When he looked up it was the man, the myth, the legend. Launchpad McQuack. The pilot that was burned at the stake IN FRONT OF THEM. 

Gyro looked over at Gloria, looking for confirmation that he wasn’t going mad. 

Gloria was just as shocked at Gyro was. “LAUNCHPAD?!”

Launchpad waved at her “Hi-ya, Miss G! Boy, it’s been a while, huh?”

She blinked at him, alos checking to see if he was really there. “But- how did you- you DIED!”

Launchpad laughed “I almost did! It was a close call but here I am!” He threw his arms out to gesture to himself. He then made eye contact with Gyro and smile. “Oh! Hey Dr. G! I didn’t recognize you at first with how sad and depressed you look!”

Gyro ignored that, and he also decided to look past the fact that Launchpad survived being burned alive. Mark survived being shot through the head so nothing should surprise him anymore. “Why are you Cincinnati?!” He snapped. “We are going through something and the last thing I need is to deal with an idiot.”

Launchpad put his hands up. “Woah, Dr. G! Sorry, I didn’t realize it was a bad time…” He trailed off for a second and it was clear he was quite offended when Gyro yelled at him. “I just decided to make a rest stop here on my way back to Duckburg.” He wasn’t going to explain where he was flying back from. That was too personal.“Cincinnati is my DREAM city. I always wanted to visit. Man, isn’t this place great?!” 

Gloria waved at him in slight annoyance. She wasn’t interested in anything else he was talking about. “Wait wait so you’re on your way back to Duckburg?”

“Yep! I’ll be leaving soon sadly. Man, I’m really gonna miss this place. Maybe I’ll make it an annual thing where I come back every few months.”

Did he not know what annual meant? Whatever. Gloria waved him off again. “Okay, Launchpad? You would do me and Gyro a huge favor if you flew us back to Duckburg as soon as possible.”

Under any other circumstances, Gyro would’ve protested against this but considering they were desperate, he kept his mouth shut.

Launchpad beameed and sat down in the middle of their table, putting an arm around each of them. “Of course, Miss G! That’s what friends are for, right?!”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	47. Ellie Kinda Sucks

“...so… you’re leaving already? Why?” 

Gloria could hear the pain in Heidi’s tone that she was trying so hard to hide, but was also failing miserably. 

“I’m sorry. I would love to stay and hang out with you longer but Boyd could be back in Duckburg already and we have to leave to make sure he’s alright. I’ll see you again though! You have my number so we can stay in touch.” She gave Heidi a reassuring smile.

“I’ll make sure Ding and V get the message.” She smiled, but it was frail. “Good luck finding, Boyd. Poor kid… I would’ve never guessed.” 

Gyro was just standing in the background, with his arms cross, giving Heidi a death glare from behind. She was ignoring him for the most part but she definitely noticed. 

“Alright, we should get going and find Ellie to let her know what’s going on.” He tried his best to not come off as, well, a bitch. But he failed. Needless to say, he turned to Fenton before he saw Gloria’s reaction to his sudden mistake. “Promise to give us updates on the city and its surrounding areas. I know we all doubt he’s here but you never know.” 

Fenton nodded. “Certainly, Dr. Gearloose. I’ll continue searching after dinner. My familia believes I’m just doing science research at the city library or something of the sort.” 

Gloria gave Heidi a quick hug goodbye before walking over to Fenton and Gyro and giving Fenton a hug goodbye as well. “Thanks for all your help, guys!” She was talking to both Heidi and Fenton before turning her attention to Gyro. “Okay, we should get going…. Where’s Launchpad?”

“Oh! I’m right here, Miss G!” Launchpad was as tall as a skyscraper but he was also the kind of person you want to ignore when given the opportunity so he was also just vibing in the background. He waved his hand in the air to signal where he was.

“Where did you say your plane was again?” Gloria asked him.

“It’s in my hotel room!”

“...what?” Heidi was confused. She didn’t understand how often Launchpad crashed so that statement does seem odd without any context of his character.

“It’s in my-”

“Shut up.” Gloria cut him off before he repeated himself. She took out her phone and started to text Ellie. “I’m letting Ellie know to meet us at Launchpad’s hotel. Ready to go?” She looked up at Gyro again.

Gyro was trying to mentally prepare for the crash that was bound to happen in the next few hours, but he couldn’t. No amount of preparation could stop his heart from dropping every single time Launchpad almost killed them. “...sure. Let’s get going.” He shot Launchpad a look before leading the way out.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie’s flip phone buzzed in her pocket while her and Mark were walking around Cincinnati. He was very upset he had to use his feet but Ellie convinced him to continue walking because cameras could get better shots of him outside rather than in a vehicle. Really she just didn’t want to deal with him complaining about a low class taxi. 

The text was from Gloria. “The other organics- sorry, people on the show are meeting us at a hotel room. We were heading there already but it is nice to know they are on the way as well.” While she was talking, she was constantly scanning the area around for any sign of Boyd. To the average person her eyes were just darting around frantically and she looked rather paranoid, like she was sure she was about to get jumped. 

“Ugh! Why are we even going to a stupid hotel room?! This is so lame there are so many boring ass places here that I need to take a photo in front of. Ohio sucks!” Mark stuffed his hands into his new and expensive cardigan and kicked a pebble while he was walking to express his anger towards Cincinnati. Of course he went shopping for a whole new wardrobe after he was released from the hospital. His old clothes were ruined by his blood. Gross. There were a few high end stores like Gucci and Louis Vuitton for Mark to find some comfortable day wear until he got home.

“I know… I am not much of a fan of the state of Ohio either.” And she wasn’t. This place sucked ass. 

Ellie continued to lead Mark down the street in silence, excluding the sound of traffic, passerbys, and Mark mumbling to himself about how stupid the gameshow was for putting him in Ohio and teaming him up with someone as ugly as Ellie. That made her feel wonderful about herself.

Her thoughts were buzzing. One side was thinking of Boyd and how much of a shit mother she was, while the other was racing with ideas on how to win Mark over and/or regain his memories. 

“Mark, may I ask you a question?” She didn’t wait for his answer because he was going to say no. “Are you a fan of Jimmy Buffett?” 

To him, that question came out of nowhere, but to Ellie it was step one in trying to jog his memory. Maybe if she brought up recent events that had taken place it would ring a bell. Their experience with Jimmy Buffett was rather annoying after all. Except to Gloria, she thrived off of that. 

Mark shrugged “I guess? I’ll play his music on a playlist whenever I host the Wednesday 2:15 tropical party for my employees but other than that, no.” The way Mark answered sounded like he was in no mood to talk to her or answer any of her questions.

Ellie burst out into a laugh, a genuine one. There was no way Mark just admitted to lowkey liking Jimmy Buffett. He always acted like he despised the guy. “You must be joking, correct? That elderly man’s music is horrid.” She moved on, Mark could get mad at her for roasting his music taste in a second. “I met him once while selling Edible Goldfish, also known as cocaine.” 

Mark eyed her up and down and shot her a look. “You? You sell drugs?” He scoffed, not believing her.

Okay. He wasn’t yelling at her so this conversation seemed to be going great. She just had to keep bringing up situations that were familiar to him. Or… the other him.

She shook her head. “Only in that certain situation when my best friend and I were trying to escape the black market that my uncle sold us to. However, she was in charge of selling and I was incharge of the chemistry behind the making.” She continued. “I believe teaching children the chemistry behind cocaine would be a wonderful school lesson.” 

Mark laughed “Okay, uhhh no offense, Elbow, yeah I know that’s not your name but I don’t care enough to call you by your actual name so #dealwithit, but you don’t look like the kind of person who even knows what cocaine looks like. I dunno if the writers of the show told you to say that or not but, like, that’s such a fake story no one would believe that. What are the writer’s numbers? I gotta give him a few pointers if this season is going to be any good.” He started typing away on his phone to start looking into the 90 Day Fiancé writers and seeing if any of their personal information was available to the public.

“Alright…” Time to change subjects. “Have you ever been to prison or kidnapped by a gang?” Ellie not only thought that that was most likely a normal conversation topic between the average organic but she also thought the idea of asking that was genius. 

“The fuck? No! God you’re so weird. Why can’t you talk about normal things like what's trending on Twitter or how cool of a person I am!?”

“...if I was…” God what was that phase Mark went through as a teenager? Goth? No, it was emo! “If I was going through an emo phase I would choose the name ‘Deathblade’!”

Mark almost dropped his phone. He stopped walking and grabbed Ellie by the collar of her dress “Who the fuck told you about Deathblade!? Give me a name! I will ruin their pathetic and miserable life!” Someone knew about his emo phase and it must’ve spread around rapidly if a girl who didn’t even have social media found out about it. He was starting to get worried. How come he didn’t see anything about it online?! He would’ve been the first to know if anything new was mentioned about him online!

“N-nobody told me about it!” Ellie was grabbing at his wrist, trying to get him off of her. What an asshole for getting aggressive with a woman like that. Damn. “You simply look like a Deathblade because of how nice the swoop of your hair is…? Did I mention I like the swoop of your hair?” She was so dead. 

Mark let go of her and scoffed. “Someone told you about Deathblade. God, it was probably my mom wasn’t it?! That bitch…” He clicked on Miss Glamour’s IT list that was posted online but found nothing portraying his emo phase. “Hmmm… okay whatever I guess.” He muttered before going back to tweeting. He wasn’t going to forget that. Ellie knew about his emo phase and he’d be damned if that information was leaked to the public.

Ellie adjusted the collar of her dress before running up behind him. He was leading now although he had no idea where the fuck they were even going. 

She ran over everything in her head. So attempting to jog his memories wasn’t working. Got it. Also complimenting his hair swoop, which she did all the time, also didn’t work. 

Mark wasn’t looking at her since he was in front, but her face was blank as she was in deep thought. 

So far it looked like she should focus on trying to get him to like her again rather than jog his memory because that seemed to be impossible at the moment. She knew what he liked about her, but she had no idea how she got him to like her in the first place.

When she was first built, she was bossed around by him, quickly developed feelings that were her own and not programmed into her, and then confessed to him in prison. Okay. She had to recreate all of that but in a different setting, which was very hard to do considering this was fucking Cincinnati. 

Step 1) He bossed her around.  
Check. He already did that in the hospital.

Step 2) Confess she had feelings for him.  
Okay. No. Absolutely not. That was being skipped over.

Step 3) Get in a fight…

That was it! They always bonded over fighting! That’s how they got to know each other AND it was the best feeling in the world when they made up. Score. Ellie gave herself a metaphorical golden star. 

She approached his side again and looked at him, though he obviously wasn’t looking back. She cleared his throat to get his attention.

“I think your selfies are idiotic. Why bother posting with the disgusting scar on your head?” 

Ellie had very little idea how bad she was at this. 

“WHAT?!” Mark looked at her and screamed as loud as he could. A lot of people walking by stared at him. “First of all, how fucking dare you! I am Mark Beaks! Anything and everything I do is the opposite of idiotic, especially my selfies! I get more likes from one selfie than you ever will on literally anything you do! Maybe you should think and know who you’re talking to before you start blurting out bullshit! Ugh!” Mark started stomping away from her in the same direction that they were going with Ellie following behind. He started to mumble things under his breath that Ellie couldn’t make out.

“U-um, well…” She had to start jogging to keep up with him. “With that attitude you will never get a girl. I am your only shot. Money and social media only gets you so far.” She really needed to stop but she kept on going. This was getting out of hand and fast. 

He stopped to look at her again. “Excuse you?! You’re my only shot?! Puh-lease! I have girls lining up around the block just to be seen with me! I have sold my bath water which was sold out in seconds! I am only your fiancé because that’s what the reality show is all about! You mean nothing to me and as soon as the show is over I plan on never seeing you again! Got that, Elbow?!”

“You have girls lining up around the block to use you! That is all! And my name is not Elbow, it is Ellie!” She pointed a finger into his chest. 

Her subconscious was telling her she was being way too mean and she needed to stop, but now she was actually just getting pissed at him for no reason. The other part of her subconscious felt guilty for treating the man who saved her life like this.

Mark slapped her hand away from him. “And how would you know?! You don’t even have a fucking email addess! What could you possibly know about me and my adoring fans?!”

“I know everything about you Mark.” She scowled. “Earlier, when I said I did not know who you were, I lied. And I know things you would never tell a soul.” Ellie stepped away because she knew she was probably about to get beat up, but her mouth kept running. “You know how your mother hired people to hug you instead of doing so herself? Yes? I know all about that. So you better tread wisely if you do not wish for things to leak.”

She would never tell anyone that, although she used it as a threat. But maybe if he knew she knew that… it could change things. She didn’t know how but somehow. 

“So I’m not going crazy! You do know shit from my past! How did you find out about all of those things in the first place?!” Mark didn’t give her a chance to answer. “God, you’re probably some psycho stalker bitch! That’s probably the reason why you’re on this show with me right now! You freak!” Mark started to scroll through his contacts to look for anyone’s contact information who works on the reality show so he could get Ellie out of his sight. When he found nothing, he directed his attention to a nearby building security camera, frantically waving his arms at it. “YOOOOOO! GET ME OFF THE SHOW! THIS PSYCHO BITCH WANTS TO KILL ME OR SELL MY HAIR OR SOMETHING!”

Again, more people who were just strolling along the sidewalk stared at him. Some even turned around and started walking in the other direction just to avoid him.

Oh shit. He was going to leave her. 

Of course he was when she pulled such a stupid move. 

“Wait, no!” She started waving her arms almost as hard as he was waving his own. “The television show wants drama, can you not see that? If the… if the show views me as the villain then your positive publicity will rise… you are the star of the show after all.” 

He stopped waving his hands in the air and looked at her again. He pulled a 180, from being hysterical to absolutely calm. “Oooooooohhhhh…. Okay yeah that makes sense. Still doesn’t explain why you know so much about my past but whatevs. Makes for good television I guess.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets.

She sighed in relief. Damn. She really sucked at this. 

“Alright, let us continue heading back to the hotel. We may continue to ‘fight’ for the sake of the show later.” She suggested before beginning to lead the way again. 

Mark shrugged and followed behind her and started Tweeting about how killer this season was going to be.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“God… what’s taking her so long?! The more time we stay here, the more time we waste looking for Boyd.” Gyro crossed his arms. “I say we just go ahead and leave.”

Before Gloria could respond, her phone went off. It was Ellie.

Ellie: Mark is with me. Pretend you are on 90 Day Fiancé <3 - Ellie

Gloria laughed. “Ellie just texted me. So Mark is with her and they’re on the way. We have to pretend we are on that new reality TV show, 90 Day Fiancé. Do you know it?”

Gyro shot her a look. “What are you even talking about? No, I don’t know what the hell that is.” God. Someone was mighty snappy.

“It’s a reality show. I’m not sure why she wants us to pretend that we’re on the show but it must be for a good reason. So basically we have to pretend that we are engaged with one of us being from a foreign country. I can be the one to pretend to be from a foreign country.” Gloria already came up with the perfect foreign country that she could pretend to be from.

Gyro rolled his eyes. “You gotta be kidding me. Choose whatever country you want but I’m going to avoid getting involved with this.” He paused before his eyes widened and he made heavy eye contact with her. “Wait… Mark is out of the hospital and is okay?!”

She shrugged “Yeah I guess so? Ellie didn’t go into detail but yeah Mark is out of the hospital. Pretty crazy how fast he bounced back.”

“Goddamnit!”

Gloria gave him a look and he put his hands up. 

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m ‘glad’ he’s okay but Jesus. I really do not want to deal with him on the way to-”

He was cut off by the knock of a door. Gyro sighed and looked through the peephole. Sure enough, there was Mark. He was the one who knocked and was standing in front of Ellie with an irritated expression. Clearly he didn’t like waiting.

Gyro walked away. “You’re answering the door.”

Gloria did an “Aye-eye” salute before opening the door for Mark and Ellie. “Yo! The fuck you want?” She spoke with a very fake New Jersey accent, making New Jersey her “foreign country” of choice. She sounded ridiculous but she didn’t break character.

Gyro nearly passed out from behind. New Jersey as a foreign country?! Was she serious?!

Ellie made the same expression before stepping politely in front of Mark. 

“Hello, Gloria.” Ellie’s accent made Gloria internally wheeze. It was so good but god it was ridiculous at the same time. “I am Ellie and this is my fiancé, Mark Beaks. We are both very excited to be on the show with you.” 

Mark and Ellie stepped into Launchpad’s hotel room. Mark was already bored and started texting again, not bothering to look up at anyone. “Sup.”

Gloria wrapped her arm around Gyro and patted him on the chest with her other free hand. “And this is my fiancé, Gyro. He ain’t from Jersey like I am but whatever.” Yes, Gloria knew that New Jersey wasn’t a foreign country. Everyone in the room probably knew that with the exception of Mark because he didn’t question it.

Ellie’s smile was strained. “Goodness. New Jersey? What an exotic country! I am rather jealous.”

Gyro rolled his eyes, knowing that this encounter had to happen at some point. He figured it was best to get it over with. “Hello, Mark.” 

Mark finally looked up to see who was talking to him. He immediately cringed. “Ewwwwwwwwww! Gyroooooooooo! What the fuck are you doing here?! Ugh! You totally ruined my entire day just because you’re here!” You know the mini notepad and pen that’s on the nightstand in hotel rooms? Mark grabbed that pen and threw it at Gyro.

Ink blotted on his shirt. Gyro squawked in protest. “EXCUSE ME?! THIS WAS FROM BANANA REPUBLIC, YOU SWINE!” He shot Mark a death glare, picking up a sheet from the notepad and patting his shirt like that would actually get the ink off. There weren't any napkins and running into the bathroom for a piece of toilet paper took too much time in his mind. Gyro does Gyro, whatever. “And I’m on the show because I was selected to be on it. Just as you have, thank you very much.” God. He was actually playing along with this now. 

Launchpad decided to chime in. “Hi, Mr. B! Hi, Ms. E! Haven’t seen you guys in awhile!” 

Ellie screamed and literally grabbed Mark to use a shield. “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!”

Launchpad started laughing. “Haha! Funny story really! But it’s too long so I’ll skip over it!” 

“Alright alright alright, I’m tired of just standing around like this! What are ya, Bennies?! We don’t do this shit in Jersey! Let’s go already.” Gloria is getting a little too into her role but who’s gonna stop her?

Launchpad, who didn’t realize the change in accents from Gloria and Ellie, agreed with her. “Good plan, Miss G! I’ll go start up the plane.” He ran inside his place. He was still seen through the front plane windows, pressing away at buttons and switches to get the plane to start.

“Okay….” Gyro ignored all the chaos that was going on and took his gaze off of Launchpad to look back at the Glomsquad. “The plan is to head back to Duckburg which is where the majority of ‘show’ will be filmed.” 

He knew that Ellie was smart enough to understand that is where they would be looking for Boyd.

She indeed did and nodded. “A wonderful idea on behalf of the producers. Duckburg seems like such a beautiful city.” 

“Trust me, it isn’t.” He turned around and waved his hand. “Let’s go before they charge one of us for the damage.” Gyro was referring to the wall that Launchpad literally crashed through for a hotel room. It was a mystery why the hotel staff hadn’t noticed yet, but it was also a mystery how Mark survived a shot to the head. Gyro lowkey wished he did die but would never say that. But he knew Mark with no memories was going to make everything more of a hell than it already was. This TV show better not go on for long because he didn’t want to be forced to be around Mark any longer than need be. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The Glomsquad was finally able to leave the hellish city of Cincinnati to never return. 

Man, being back in Duckburg after all the shit they had been through was going to be the strangest thing. But as long as Boyd was there, everything would be alright.

Gyro and Gloria made sure to sit on the opposite side of the plane from Ellie and Mark, as of Gyro’s request. 

He huffed, turning to Gloria. “This is absolutely ridiculous. Why are you going along with it? Tricking him like that.” He looked back at Mark and glared, not that it mattered since the dude’s eyes were glued to his phone. “It’s better to tell him the truth and let him go back to being the old Mark, that stays in Waddle the majority of the time and doesn’t get involved with us.” He looked back at Gloria so his final sentence could have more of a punch if it was more one to one. “I don’t think Boyd would have a problem with that once we find him.” 

“It wasn’t my choice to pretend to be on a reality show. That’s just what Ellie told us to do so I’m following along. Maybe it’s easier for him to believe that he’s on a stupid reality show rather than him coming to terms with the fact that he was shot in the head and losing a lot of his memories.” She continued “As for Boyd, I agree that he probably wouldn’t want to see Mark again but who’s to say that he doesn’t want to be involved with us either? I mean, after what just happened with him, do we really know what he wants to do?” Gloria didn’t want that to be the case but she felt like it should be brought up on the off chance that when they do find Boyd, he still doesn’t want to see them.

“Duck Jesus…” Gyro was in so much denial about that, but Gloria was right. She just reminded him of how wrong he was. Boyd hated them just as much as he did Mark. “What do we do if that’s the case? We can’t just let him be on his own.”

“I’m not sure. I guess when we find him we ask him what he wants to do.” She had no idea what Boyd would do if he wasn’t living with either her and Gyro or with Ellie and Mark. She had it in her mind that Boyd was with Huey at the McDuck manor playing video games together but now she was starting to have second thoughts. If he truly hated all of them, then why would he go back to the place where they live? That was something she wasn’t going to share with Gyro. He already has enough grief as is and her doubts about Boyd wouldn’t help anything.

“Yeah…” He didn’t know what else to say to that, so he trailed off and let the silence sit for a while, listening to the hum of the engine. And it wasn’t a good hum, but that was normal. “Listen, I’m sorry I’ve been extra rude lately. I just have a lot of mental stuff going on still, which is obvious, but it’s not an excuse to be mean to you so…” He laughed. “I can’t even tell Ms. Kris about over half of the things that are bothering me, unless I really want to end up in prison. I was all for turning myself in before… but I just can’t bring myself to do it.” 

“It’s alright, Gyro. I’m not taking any of it personal because I know you’re going through a lot right now.” She laughed as well “Maybe Ms. Kris would be more out to help us if we bribed her to keep her mouth shut or something. But on the off chance that she doesn’t accept bribes, you can always talk to me about anything that’s bothering you. I promise I won’t turn you into the police.” She laughed again.

“Well… you’re going through a lot too so if you need to talk just lemme know.” He glared at Mark yet again. “And I’m sure this situation isn’t helping.”

Across the plane, Ellie was tapping her knee again, glancing every so often at Mark. He was playing Mario Kart. 

“I apologize for my behavior earlier, it was simply for the sake of the show which I am sure you understand. The producers know a lot about you.” She said. “But there is no need to act now. They do not allow filming to take place on aerial vehicles.” 

Her behavior was bipolar as fuck today, but she was so desperate to get something out of him to work with. For him to show just a hint that he liked her, hell, even tolerated her. But after her fuck up earlier, even if it was for the ‘show’, that was going to be hard to do. 

“Eh, it’s whatever.” Mark was too busy playing Mario Kart for him to properly respond to her. He sunk in his chair and propped his feet up on the seat in front of him. 

“Alright… well, you should know that I do indeed like the swoop of your hair and believe you are a… wonderful person.” That second part was the biggest lie she has told thus far. 

“Yeah, I already know that about myself. You’re a little late figuring that out but it’s better late than never.”

She sighed and turned away from him, crossing her arms. This whole thing seemed pointless so far and, honestly, she felt like she was going to cry again.

Launchpad stood between both the section where Gloria and Gyro were seated, and the second where Mark and Ellie were seated. He had a PEP in hand. “Wow! Easy flying today, huh guys? I gotta tell Mr. McD about this later! He likes my weather updates!”

Fun fact: Scrooge did not enjoy Launchpad’s weather updates. 

Gloria switched on her fake Jersey accent again to yell at Launchpad. “Yo, why the fuck ain’t you flying the plane, Launchpad?! You tryna kill us?!” She was actually worried though despite the fact she was doing a fake accent. No one knew how long he'd been away from the wheel.

“Oh! Don’t worry, Ms. G! Just trust me!”

The engine began to sputter and the plane fell downward immediately.

Gloria jinxed it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	48. Las Vegas

The Glomsquad… and Mark, stood in line to book rooms in a fancy ass hotel known as The Venetian. It was an Italian themed hotel in, you guessed it, Las Vegas.

Yep. They were stuck in the city of sex, drugs, money, and gambling for a few days as Launchpad fixed the plane with gum and no one was happy about it. Not even Gloria.

Actually… Mark was happy about it but he didn’t count.

Ellie walked back over to Gloria and Gyro in line who were murmuring to one another. “Alright, I’ll pay for everyone’s rooms.” She held up a wallet that she had just stolen, with pride, from a rich guy in the casino, considering none of them had money. And like hell they were going to ask Mark to pay. 

Mark wasn’t paying attention to them, he was too busy Tweeting about how “Lit” Vegas was going to be, but Ellie made sure to speak with her british accent for safe keeping. 

Snatching the wallet from Ellie, Gyro’s face went white as he started counting how much cash alone was in there. “Where did you get this?!”

“I stole it.”

He threw it back at her, disgusted. “Of course you did, this is exactly why Boyd left!” 

Ellie looked over her shoulder to see if Mark overheard that. He didn’t. It was kind of funny actually; for someone who was super excited to be on a Reality TV show, he didn’t go out of his way to make it that exciting. He probably figured him being on screen was exciting enough.

She looked back at Gyro. “I know you are trying to become a better person, which I will respect, but I will continue to do what needs to be done.”

That didn’t make Gyro any happier but he just grunted in response before shooing her away. Basically he gave her permission to pay for both him and Gloria’s room. 

Ellie approached the front desk. “Hello…” She looked at the ladies name tag. “Barbara. Do you have rooms available?”

There was immediate typing on the computer before she looked back up at Ellie and nodded. “Only the most expensive suites. That usually turns a lot of people away so I apologize.”

Ellie shook her head. “That will be of no concern. How much would be two rooms?”

That actually grabbed Mark’s attention. “O-M-G! You’re going to get us the most expensive suite?! YOOOOOOO! I’m so Tweeting about this, not about you, just about the suite lmao! #wrecked!”

Not knowing what the fuck ‘#wrecked’ even meant in context to the sentence didn’t stop Ellie from scowling at him. “No. I am simply paying for Gloria and Gyro’s suite, as well as my own. You will not be rooming with me.” You know for a fact that Ellie didn’t forget his comment about her being “free real estate”. Like hell she was sharing a hotel suite with him.

That caused Mark to nearly drop his phone. It seemed she made him do that a lot as of late. “EXCUSE ME?! SO IT TURNS OUT YOUR BROKE ASS HAS MONEY AND YET YOU’RE NOT PAYING FOR ME?! MARK BEAKS?!” He was waving his arms like a child. “ I DESERVE TO BE TREATED AND PAMPERED! LOADED OR NOT!”

He continued yelling at her as Ellie tuned him out to pay for the suites. She did argue back every so often but didn’t want to put too much energy into it.

While whatever the hell that was was going down, Gyro turned to Gloria, trying his best not to cringe at Mark’s constant squawking. Gloria had been quiet this entire time and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t concern him. This was Vegas; he figured she would be excited at least. 

“Hey, what’s going on?” He nudged her. 

Gloria’s body language indicated that she was not comfortable being here. “I can’t be here… I don’t want to be back here. I swore to myself that I would leave everything I did in Vegas behind and now I’m back!” Leave everything behind with the exception of stripping on the cruise ship that one time but whatever. She grabbed a fistful of her hair on the side of her head anxiously. 

“Woah woah woah,” Gyro didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t that. Despite Gloria’s past, he was so sure she still loved Vegas. “Um…” He was stuck and had to think for a moment which only made Gloria’s anxiety shoot through the roof. To her, if he didn’t have anything good to say off of the top of his head, then she was fucked. “Okay. We’re only going to be here for a few days. That’s it. And you don’t even have to leave the suite. I can get you food and we stay in the room all day and watch Ratatouille. Sound good?” That was the only thing he had. “We can even keep the curtains closed if you don’t want to look outside.” 

Gloria shook her head. “I just can’t stay here period. There are too many bad memories in this city. I can’t stand it! And to top it all off, we can’t go anywhere else because Las Vegas is in the middle of fucking nowhere! Oh my god, It feels like I’m stuck here all over again!” Her chest started to feel tighter, making it more difficult for her to breathe.

Gyro started rubbing her back. He had no idea how to calm her down and now he was starting to panic as well. Mark and Ellie’s constant yelling in the background wasn’t helping any.

“I promise nothing is going to happen to you. I won’t let it.” He could promise anything but that. They got screwed over time and time again no matter what and Gloria knew that as well as he did. “We can… we can get a car… somehow,” They didn’t even have a credit card. They never did. “And just drive back to Duckburg ourselves. I’ll try to get Ellie to convince Mark to buy a car or something of the sort.” He gripped her shoulder in an attempt to ground her. “Nothing is going to happen here.” 

Gloria made her own attempt to try to calm herself down by taking deep breaths and closing her eyes. “Yeah, you’re right. Nothing is going to happen here…” She repeated his words to help make them seem more true. She opened her eyes again and looked up at Gyro. “I know it may not be the best idea but I need a drink. Alone. I promise I won’t go overboard. I’ll just meet you in the hotel room later, okay? I won’t even leave the hotel.” She was telling him all of this on the chance something happened to her. With the months they’ve been having, literally anything chaotic could happen. 

He gulped but nodded. “...Alright. Just be careful and text me. I’ll let you know what room we’re in.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Ellie was kneading her own hands as she followed behind Mark like a lost puppy. Okay, sure, maybe her morals had gone down the drain over the past month, more so than before, but Vegas itself still freaked her out. She didn’t know organics could be so crude and… crazy? She couldn’t think of a better term to describe it. 

You could guess what Mark was doing. He was going to all the most photo worthy parts of Vegas and commanding Ellie to take photos of him. How he thought this was good reality show content was beyond her, not that it mattered in the end. This shit show wouldn’t be airing anywhere. 

Maybe it was stupid. Scratch that, it was stupid, but Ellie was keeping a lookout for Boyd just in case. He would never stop in a place like Vegas but she was desperate and she needed something to keep her sane. Looking for Boyd is what did that for her. But obviously it was hard to do when the majority of her time was being spent taking photos and being screamed at. She thought she knew what the theoretical place known as ‘hell’ was, but damn she was wrong.

She decided on striking up a conversation with Mark anyway. She couldn’t get him to like her just by being quiet.

“Have you ever been to Las Vegas before?” She asked. “I have not but I find it to be a… wonderful city.” 

“Duhhhhhh! Of course I have because this place is LIT! Picture it, people come from all over to get drunk and party 24/7, and then leave and act like nothing happened?! That’s fucking amazing! Oh, take a photo of me next to this.” Mark walked in front of her and did a stupid pose that Ellie didn’t know the meaning behind. He snatched his phone back and looked through the photos she just took. “Oh yeah these will do. After we divorce or whatevs you should be my personal phone picture takey person.”

“A photographer?”

“Yeah that!” He gave his phone back to Ellie again and stood in front of the same place that he just had his photo taken but now in a different pose.

Ellie was actually surprised he was seriously considering hiring her as a photographer. Sure, she was pretty good at it when counting all the practice she had with him in the past, but this version of him hated her. He was actually willing to be around her more, sort of, which was fucking weird. Nonetheless, it made Ellie smile although he was treating her like a slave. But whatever, she could look past that. 

“You know what we should do?”

Mark rolled his eyes because she was talking again.

“We should go on a date!”

That earned a nasty glare and he was about to protest and most likely insult the shit out of her, but she continued mighty quickly so he would hear her out.

“Think about it. This is 90 Day Fiancé so we cannot just avoid going on a date. That is what the viewers want. They want love and drama. It obviously will not be a real date… unless you want it to be.” That last part was whispered but Mark heard that shit. 

He thought about it for a moment before he responded. “Fine, but I have a few rules. First off, don’t touch me or talk to me until the cameras are on us. There isn’t a point in talking to you if the show isn’t watching us. Second, I’m not paying for your food. Unless the camera catches us leaving then yeah I’ll get the bill… but you’ll have to pay me back when they aren’t watching. Got it?”

She nodded vigorously. “Of course! I understand!” 

“MOVE!” 

A small and fat figure pushed Ellie forward and she stumbled into Mark.

He scoffed and pushed her off. “EWWWW! GERMS! WHAT THE FUCK?! GOD, YOU’RE SUCH A BITCH!”

Ellie ignored him and watched the oh so familiar figure scuttle, on all fours, into a building with a cross above it. 

No. It couldn’t be. There was no fucking way.

She pointed to the area the stout figure just went into. “Mark, what is that building over there?” 

Mark looked at the building Ellie was pointing to and back at her, giving her a confused and pissed off look. “Uhhhhh it’s a church? Don’t you know what churches are?” He snapped.

“Is that a place of idiotic religious gatherings?” She searched her data and answered her own question, nodding to herself. “Yes. It is. Anyway,” She pointed to the building again. “We need to go there. Only for a moment.” 

Mark started to whine “Whyyyyyyyyyyy?! It isn’t even Sunday! God Damnit!”

“I know, but I believe I saw my Uncle run in there.” She took out a steak knife from her purse. 

“... and I give a shit becauseeeeeeee…?” He trailed off, not even caring that she literally pulled out a weapon. That shit was normal for him. A lot of people want him dead.

“You do not have to care, I just need to murder him.” She pointed to the building once again with her knife. 

“Oh. Yeah okay sure. Can I record it?”

She gave him a look. “I would prefer if you did not, considering I am about to commit a felony. I have been imprisoned way too many times for my liking.” Ellie knew he was going to record anyway so there was no point in telling him that. 

“You’ve been to prison?” He gave her a look, not believing her. “Okay whatevs. Just kill him quickly. I fucking hate churches.”

She nodded and walked across the street, cutting off traffic and getting a good amount of curse words and objects thrown at her, but whatever. 

The building looked very out of place with it’s historic architecture, but she supposed it wasn’t that strange. This was Las Vegas after all and very little made sense to her. She scanned the sign that read “Guardian Angel Cathedral”. Sounded pretty idiotic. 

She swung the door open, holding it for Mark behind her so he wouldn’t whine like a pussy.

There was what seemed to be a priest in the middle of giving a service. He paid no mind to the two entering. It was a crazy city so people entering and exiting at their own will was most likely very common. 

Flintheart fucking Glomgold was easy to spot with his white ass suit. He was sitting on the very edge of a pew, next to a married couple. 

“Yooooooooo! Is that G-Gold?! Yo! G-Gold! The fuck you doing here, bro!?” Mark shouted across the catholic church. Not only was he super loud, but his voice echoed, making him even more annoying to everyone inside.

The priest and the rest of the church went silent, turning their attention to Mark and just… watching. 

“OI!”

Ellie bolted across the holy facility, jumping over a literal fucking pew, to get to her Uncle. She grabbed him by the collar of his suit and held him up, holding the knife against his throat. “UNCLE GLOMGOLD! THE ONE TIME WE NEEDED YOU! THE ONE TIME! YOU WERE IN LAS VEGAS?! WE ALMOST DIED! YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE WENT THROUGH WHILE YOU WERE OUT SCUTTLING AROUND!” 

Mark took out his phone to start recording. “Wait. G-Gold is your uncle?!” Now he had to record this! Family tea is the best kind of tea!

The priest cleared his throat. “Ma’am, we are in the middle of the service so if you could-”

“SHUT UP!” 

Glogmold started squirming around like a cockroach that was upside down. “OI! GET OFF OF MEH, ROBO-BABEH!” Glomgold tried spitting at her, but failed, having the spit land right back on his face. 

It should also be mentioned he didn’t even notice her change of accent. He just thought that was how she always spoke. 

“YOU HAVE GOTTEN AWAY FROM ME TOO MANY TIMES!” She threw him on the ground and the church goers gasped. “NOT THIS TIME!” Ellie did what she always did and jumped on him, stabbing violently. Glomgold did what he always did and morphed around each stab like a Looney Toons character, only making Ellie even angrier. 

“MUAHAHAHAHAHAA! YOOH CANNOT KILL MEH! WOT HAPPENS IN VEGAS STAYS IN VEGAS, STOOPID GORL!”

The priest was visibly shaking now. “There is to be no murder in this building of God. I- I will have to call the cops if all three of you do not exit the facility.” 

Ellie ignored him. “JUST! LET! ME! KILL! YOU!”

Glomgold managed to scuttle out from beneath her and hissed like a wild animal before getting back down on all fours to run out of the church, shoving Mark out the way while he did so. He barked all the way out. 

Mark stopped recording. “Well that was lame.”

Ellie pointed the knife at him. “WELL THIS VERSION OF YOU IS ‘LAME’, MARK!” She stormed past him, shoving the knife back into her purse because there was no way in hell she was going to be able to catch up with Glomgold. Man, she was pissed. If he was there and was able to pull that shit with the gang members he did last time when Heidi was marrying Mark, everything could have been prevented. Including Mark losing his memories. 

The priest turned to Mark. “S-sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave as well before I call the cops.” 

“Pfft. Okay, whatever, you don’t have to tell me twice. Chrsitianity sucks ass and so do Catholics! Boom! Yeah! I said it! You guys have shitty stale bread! Pew pew pew pew!” Mark made finger gun gestures as he backed out of the church backwards, not breaking eye contact with the priest.

Ellie was fuming and pacing back and forth outside of the church. She considered just ditching Mark then and there, but she knew she couldn’t do that. She had to stick with him for the sake of the man that sacrificed himself. For now she just muttered to herself about how much she fucking hated Glomgold and that version of Mark. 

“Lmaooooooo! Elbow, Did you see that loser’s expression!? He’s totes butthurt that I dissed his stupid religion in front of everyone!”

She stopped and looked at him with a scowl. “Can you please just shut up for one measly second. And for the last time, my name is not Elbow, it is Ellie!” 

“Oh… are you butthurt too because you’re Catholic or something?” Mark sat on the front steps of the church.

Ellie knelt down and shoved him, though it didn’t do much since he was already sitting. It just sort of made him move to the side a bit.

“I said shut up! I am trying so hard to be nice to you but you make it so impossible! But it is not like I have a choice in leaving you! And I want to help you on top of it all!” She stood back up and bawled her fists, but it was clear she wasn’t a threat. She wasn’t going to punch him. “Maybe my memory is corrupt but I do not remember you being this annoying when I first met you! If you were then I must have been insane to fall in love with you to begin with!” She closed her eyes and continued ranting, knowing Mark wasn’t going to understand any of this and probably think it was part of the stupid reality television show. “Just wake up! I want the old you back already! Losing our child was enough and now I lost you?! I was insane as is but this surely is not helping! I cannot take anymore of this!” She started pulling at her hair and looked away from him, continuing to pace again. “Goodness, I love you so much Mark but please… come back.” 

Yep, Mark had no clue what she was ranting about so there wasn’t anything for him to really argue back with. He just assumed that all of it was for the show. He didn’t realize that the “hidden cameras” were on them so he made the effort to sit up straight and sit in a more flattering pose. “Alright soooooo I dunno how to respond to that because the show writers didn’t give me my script yet. But, hey, for what it’s worth, what we just did back in the church was actually kinda fun! I’m not sure if the show caught any of that but I hope they did because that would make for great TV.” He looked over at Ellie before staring straight ahead “Don’t let this get to your head or anything but I like you better now. You’re actually kinda fun to be around when you’re batshit cray-cray. Um, again, don’t let that get to your head.”

Ellie immediately regretted everything she had said to him. Flipping out on this Mark was no way to treat the other Mark and it was eating her up, but she just lost it for a moment. Yet, as silly as it was, that one tiny comment did make her feel a bit better. She stayed silent and counted down from ten because she read somewhere that that was supposed to help with anger. It didn’t really work but it gave her time to think. “I apologize. I should not follow along with the script of the show when you do not have yours yet. It is unfair to you. I suppose we should just improvise from now on.” She didn’t acknowledge his comment about her thinking she was ‘fun’ to be around because she was afraid he would take it back. “Alright. Let us continue your photoshoot for now.” She paused for a moment. “And for what it is worth, I do find you annoying, but not that annoying. I still want to continue being around you.”

Mark ignored the fact that she just called him annoying. He stood up. “Alright! There are loads more places to check out. I’ll ask my followers what kind of photos they want to see next.” Mark began to tweet out his question while walking down the church steps with Ellie following behind. As they walked around the city, he would only glance up every once in a while before looking back down at his phone. He wasn’t going to admit this out loud but he was really just relying on Ellie to speak up and tell him which spots would be the best places to have a photo taken. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It didn’t take Gloria very long to find the bar inside the hotel. The longer she was roaming around, the worse she felt but she reassured herself that after a few drinks she’d be able to calm down.

Most of her first drink was already gone. She didn’t bother to look around her surroundings and did her best to sound everyone out. She just stared at the bar table, fidgeting with the glass in her hands while her head was continuing to race.

The one empty spot at the bar, directly next to Gloria, was quickly taken by a woman. Gloria couldn’t help but glance at her being the nosy bitch she was and the first thing she noticed were the severe burns on the woman’s left arm. They were old and healed but it must’ve been a very bad accident. 

Next she noticed the woman’s attire and cringed, reminding her of why she didn’t want to be in Vegas to begin with. Her outfit was very revealing, but not in a stripper manner, she was very clearly a prostitute. If it wasn’t obvious enough, the smeared makeup and long mangled hair gave it away. 

Gloria’s heart reached out to her. This is exactly why she hated Vegas. Everyone who ended up living there only got stuck in a shit hole of a life with no escape. 

The woman ironically got Sex On The Beach, the same drink Gloria was currently having. She wasn’t much of a fan but she wanted something different for once. 

Just from the glances Gloria took, she could tell that her time in Vegas was like paradise compared to the woman sitting next to her. She knew it wasn’t any of her business but she wanted to make sure that the woman was doing alright. If she wanted Gloria’s help or advice, great. If not, then she would only hope that she annoys her enough to make her leave so she can finish drinking in peace. She cleared her throat, only taking passing glances her way every now and then. “Um, sorry to bother you, but are you alright? Do you want me to call someone for you?”

Again, it wasn’t any of her business to talk to her. Typically you see shit like this all the time and no one says or does anything about it. Not even other women step in to help. This wasn’t helping with Gloria’s anxiety over being in Vegas but she couldn’t just sit next to this woman and do nothing. Not after everything she went through herself.

That only got a snort from the woman. “That’s very demeaning... of you.” She held her hand out when the bartender handed her her drink. “Go fuck yourself.” Is all she said before chugging it. 

Gloria figured as much on getting a response like that. She had almost forgotten how harsh people had to act under these circumstances. She sighed and continued to stare down at the table, going back to her thoughts.

“So why are you at a bar all by... yourself on a Saturday?” The woman actually continued the conversation despite sounding bitter and pissed. 

Gloria was surprised the woman was even speaking to her. She wasn’t going to question it though. “Shitty day. I’m trying to get back home but I have to spend a few nights here before I can leave. I hate it here…” She took a big swig from her drink before continuing “What about you?”

“What do you think?” She scoffed, before proceeding to steal the man’s drink next to her. He was passed out so she took advantage of it. “I just had shitty sex... and I need to get drunk before my next client.” As she threw the drink back, Gloria noticed the bracelet on her wrist. It was a small black string that was very close to breaking, with beads that read “BFFS” with a heart next to it, followed by a “G”. It was poorly done and very middle-school-esque, but it was familiar. 

Gloria felt her stomach drop when she saw the bracelet. It had to have just been a coincidence. Lots of people had bracelets like that. People made them all the time. She knew that she had to ask about it though. It would eat her alive if she didn’t. “Where did you get that?!” Gloria blurted out. Her heart started to race. She almost didn’t even want to know the answer anymore. She finally turned to look at the woman to identify her face but her smeared makeup and all of the hair in her face made it difficult to see. What face she was able to make out did look familiar to her but at this point she just assumed it was her mind playing tricks on her. She had been drinking so it wouldn’t surprise her if she woke up the next morning with a memory of her harassing a total stranger over a friendship bracelet. 

“An old friend of mine.” The woman wasn’t phased by Gloria’s sudden mood shift. She didn’t even blink. “I know I started this conversation with you, but get the fuck... out of my business.” She continued to murmur under her breath. “Fucking bitch.” 

Gloria continued to stare at her. With all of her emotions built up around Las Vegas, and this conversation added on top of it, she started to cry. “...Mia?” Gloria’s voice cracked. Now she really felt like she lost it but she didn’t even have that much to drink. If it wasn’t her, then she would just tell Gloria to ‘fuck off’ again and that would be the end of the conversation. Then she could just walk away embarrassed and go lay in bed. 

The woman spit out her drink back into its cup as best as she could, while almost dropping it. She started coughing violently. “How the fuck do you-” She spoke through coughs into her hand. “Know my name, asshole?!” Tears pricked the corner of Mia’s eyes as her coughing calmed down. God, that hurt her throat. She turned to look at who must’ve been stalking her with a furious expression before her face washed over. “...Gloria?” 

Gloria started to cry harder. Her stomach dropped again when she heard her say her name back to her. She got out of her seat to pull Mia into a tight hug. Gloria pulled away from the hug first and adjusted Mia’s dress strap and all of the locks of hair that were in her face. There were tears streaming down her own face but she was too distracted to do anything about it. “Oh Fuck- Mia, what happened to you?! How did you get here?! I- I thought you were dead!” Suddenly all of the guilt of leaving her behind in New York came flooding back to her. All of this. It was Gloria’s fault.

Mia wiped tears from her eyes, though it was pointless because she was sobbing. The only thing it accomplished was smearing her makeup even more. “Who told you I was dead?” She laughed, but it was barely audible through her crying. She brought Gloria into a hug again. “I- I started looking for you... and bikers on the road eventually told me you were in Vegas. I was losing so much hope but they were- they were right all along.” Her makeup was now getting on Gloria’s clothes but she didn’t mind, she only hugged Mia tighter. “Jeez. I can’t believe you’re seeing me like this. I’m disgusting. And using that kind of language with you… goodness… I would’ve never.” 

All of the information Mia just threw at Gloria only caused her brain to hurt more than it already did. She should’ve known not to believe Axel. Just about everything that man had ever said to her was a lie. Of course he would’ve lied about Mia. “It was Axel. I ran into him almost two months ago and he- he said that he killed you! All because I left New York… God damnit, Mia I am so sorry. I knew I should’ve taken you with me. I should have never left you in New York all alone! I just wanted you to have a happy and normal life…” That last sentence caused Gloria’s voice to crack again. 

“How was I supposed to be... happy without you, Gloria?” She chuckled lightly and let go of Gloria so she could look her in the eyes. “Don’t apologize, alright? I was willing to live the most messed up life just to... find you again and it paid off!” She squeezed the sides of Gloria’s arms in an attempt to comfort her and get her to calm down, which was ironic because she wasn’t calming down either. “What have you been doing all this time?” 

“When I left New York, I traveled west and ended up here for a while… but I left Las Vegas over a year ago. Probably close to two years now.” It was painful to admit that because she had no clue how long Mia had been looking for her or how long she’s been in Las Vegas. Just another thing to feel guilty for. “I live in Duckburg, California now.” And as soon as she said it, yet another thing to feel guilty over: Gyro. Gloria’s entire face went pale. She had no idea how she was going to bring up Gyro to her and how they’ve been dating for about a year. It all felt like one painful bomb dropped after another that Gloria didn’t have the heart to do to her.

“Oh… I’ve been here for only about three years.” Mia let go of Gloria. She knew nothing about Gloria’s new life but it was obvious she had moved on. A place like Duckburg isn’t some place you move to for kicks and giggles, you go there with a purpose in mind. And she had been working in Vegas the entire time, not pushing her life forward, only back. “Are you happy there? Did you get a fresh start?” Mia hoped the answer was yes. She didn’t want Gloria to be caught in shit like she was. Maybe she even managed to get an education like she always wanted. That thought alone brought a sweet smile to Mia’s face. 

Gloria nodded. “Yes, I’m happy. Duckburg is a great place to live. It can be chaotic at times but what big city isn’t?” She sighed. She was dreading the next thing she had to mention to her. She had no idea how Mia was going to take it but she couldn’t go on any further without bringing up Gyro. “When I was still first getting started in Duckburg, and looking around for an internship, I met someone…” She cleared her throat and looked away from Mia. “His name is Gyro and we’ve been dating for a year now. He’s a really sweet guy and he treats me well.” Her eyes started to water again. “Mia... I’m so so sorry.”

“O-oh… you really, um, you really did move on.” Mia scooted back in the stool and sniffled, darting her eyes away. She felt like such a fool, not to mention she looked like such a lowlife to Gloria, a lowlife that threw away whatever she had going for her. “I’m sure he’s a... good guy and I’m glad you’re happy but…” She stood up. “But I should get going. I’m meeting with a client in fifteen minutes.” 

She held Mia’s hand and shook her head. Gloria wiped the new tears she had on her face with her free hand. “No, please don’t go. Let me help you! I can’t stand to see you living like this! Like how I used to be. I can help get you out of here, okay? You don’t deserve this kind of life, Mia. You deserve to be happy and I will do everything to help you get that life.”

“Gloria, I-” Mia was too heartbroken to think quite clearly. “I don’t need your help. It would be unfair of me to drag you into something you were never... involved in to begin with. I can dig my way out of this myself, okay?” She smiled as best as she could, gently prying her hand away from Gloria’s, as politely as she could. “I’m not upset with you, I promise. I want you to continue to be happy. I just feel really… dumb for waiting so long and expecting something out of it.” Mia wiped tears from her eyes again and started to back up, bumping into a few drunks on the way out. “Hopefully I can see you again before you leave to say a proper goodbye this time. I’m around... this hotel often.” She tried her best to smile again before fleeing the bar, immediately disappearing into the crowd. 

Gloria stood there dumbfounded over what just happened. Her mind hadn’t stopped racing and it was getting to the point where she was starting to feel dizzy. The alcohol wasn’t helping. She sat back down at her seat and laid her head down, using her crossed arms as a cushion. She stayed there at the bar for a while, doing what she tried to do earlier: drown out the noise of all the people around her.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	49. Mark's Robo-Racism

Gloria finally decided to walk back to her and Gyro’s hotel room after sitting at the bar for longer than she originally planned. She checked her phone for the first time since she even showed up to the bar, The first text was from Gyro telling her the hotel number. The other seven were also from Gyro, at different times, wondering if she was okay. She told him that she would let him know if she was okay and it totally slipped her mind to text him. After paying for the one drink she had that entire night, she got up and started towards the elevator to head to her room.

When Gloria finally reached her hotel room, she noticed Gyro had propped the door open so she could get in. She wasn’t sure if he fell asleep or not so she quietly snuck into the room, closing and locking the door behind her. She was exhausted and emotionally drained. Her whole body felt numb as she fell onto the bed.

The bathroom door immediately swung open and he popped his head out with a toothbrush in his mouth. “Gloria?!” He wasn’t understandable, but Gloria could tell he was calling her name. “Oh shit!” 

He shot his head back into the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth and doing whatever hygienic shit he was doing before running to her aid like the asshole he was. Listen, if he was going to comfort someone, he had to be clean. 

It took him a literal five minutes until he ran over to her side, sitting on the bed. “Are you alright?! Are you hurt?! I was getting ready to search the hotel for you! Why weren’t you answering my texts?!” 

She groaned and pulled herself up from lying on the bed so she was sitting up. “I’m fine, I’m fine…” No she wasn’t fine, but she wasn’t physically hurt or drunk. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer any of your texts. Um… s-something came up.” She knew this conversation was going to happen sooner or later, and even after sitting at the bar for hours trying to figure everything out, she was still at a loss for words. 

“What came up?” Gyro didn’t know how to feel about how ominous Gloria left that statement. 

He could tell she was in deep thought so he got up to close the suite’s curtains to block the view of the city, something he had forgotten to do prior, before sitting back down next to Gloria and laying a hand on her knee in a sorry attempt at comfort. He always got nervous with these types of things and should’ve been better at comforting her by now, but sadly he wasn’t. 

It took her a moment to respond. She started tearing up all over again. “It’s Mia, Gyro. She isn’t dead. She’s here. I saw her. In the bar.” She covered her face with her hands, practically clawing at her forehead. “That fuckface lied to me! Telling me that she was dead! I should’ve known! Mia has been out here this whole time looking for me and now she’s stuck here just how I was except worse.” Her voice was raised, but her anger wasn’t directed at Gyro. “She’s upset, scared, and lost and it’s all my fucking fault!” Her anger turned into sadness, with her voice now starting to crack with more tears streaming down her face. She looked like a mess. 

It took Gyro a moment to realize who she was talking about. Mia didn’t ring a bell at first but when it finally struck, his hands turned cold. It was very foreboding and his mind couldn’t process what emotion he was feeling. But what he did know was seeing Gloria this upset, which had been happening more and more often lately, tore him up inside. 

He grabbed her hands, despite his own being stone cold, and pried them away from her forehead just so she didn’t accidentally scratch it up. “Are you sure it was her?” He whispered. Gyro would never doubt Gloria, but he had no idea if she was wasted or not. 

She nodded. “Yes, it’s her. I had my doubts at first too but… It’s her.” She held onto Gyro’s hand tightly for some sort of comfort. She stared into his eyes, hoping he would have some sort of solution for her. “I don’t know what to do, Gyro. She left before I could even help her. I can’t leave Vegas until I know that she’s out of here too. I just can’t. I already ruined her life so much, I can’t let this continue.” The thought of Boyd being alone in Duckburg came to mind again. She was torn and she knew she wasn’t making Gyro’s life any easier. She wanted to go home and find Boyd but she couldn’t do that now knowing that Mia was in Vegas. 

He kept his eyes locked with hers, holding her hands tightly in return. There was hesitation before he spoke. “You still love her, don’t you? You never forgot about her.” He wasn’t hurt, just sad, but not for himself. He was sad on behalf of Gloria and Mia, and what they once had. 

Gloria stayed silent for a while. She couldn’t just not answer him, assuming that the longer she took to answer him, the more anxious he would become. She looked down at the floor.“Of course I did... Or still do? I don’t know, It’s hard to explain. I still care about her and I am so happy that she’s alive but I love you, Gyro. That’s not going to change, okay? The last thing you need to worry about is me leaving you.”

“Listen…” He let go of Gloria’s hands and brought her into a hug. “It’s getting late so you should get some rest. But tomorrow you should try to find her again; only if you want to. She needs you a lot right now and… I’ll accept whatever decision you make.” Gloria knew what he was implying. “I love you no matter what. I brushed my teeth just so I wouldn’t seem like a slob when I went looking for you.” That was probably the stupidest joke he ever made. Hell, it wasn’t even a joke. But he tried. 

Gloria nodded and let go of him to get up to change into comfier clothes for bed. With all of the traveling they have been doing, none of them had anything that would really qualify as pajamas. She didn’t say anything else to Gyro for the rest of the night and it didn’t take her long to crawl into bed and fall asleep.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The next day had come quickly and Ellie had followed Mark, like a lost puppy as usual, to a casino because that was the only thing he wanted to do. He wanted to save the strip club for that night when it would be more ‘lit’ or whatever the term he usually used was. 

The casino, in Mark’s mind, was their “date”, but really it was just Ellie taking pictures of him for his instagram like she had done the day prior. Gee. What a wonderful date. She was hoping for a romantic dinner if anything, despite him being annoying, but it looked like that idea was thrown out the window last minute which sucked considering she still had it hard for him, no matter what personality he wore or how snippy and bipolar she got. 

Perhaps she could convince him to go to a restaurant that night before his strip club endeavor. 

Needless to say, Ellie figured she had taken enough photos of him at the current slot machine he was at and shoved his phone in her purse for the moment. He would probably get all pissy that she wasn’t filming if he noticed, but he was too enthralled with whatever was going down on the screen to notice. 

He was as excited over gambling as Gloria was on the cruise, which only made it more confusing for Ellie. She never understood why people were obsessed with currency, but she was absolutely bewildered by the entertained look on Mark’s face.

“I do not understand,” Ellie said “Why is this so enjoyable for you? If I am not mistaken,” Which she wasn’t. “You already have a brilliant amount of money. Making more should be of no excitement.” 

“Uhh, because it’s fun! Here here watch! Imma about to win the jackpot. I just know it!” Mark started up a new game on the casino machine, watching the different symbols fly by the screen. None of them matched, meaning that he didn’t win as much as he would’ve hoped. Mark kicked the slot machine with his foot in frustration. “God! Stupid machine! It’s totally rigged! See Ellie, this is why you should never trust machines! They always pull dumb shit like this.” He was too angry to notice that Ellie had stopped taking photos of him a while ago, which says a lot.

Ellie sighed and kicked the machine in a very calculated manner as she did for Gloria on the ship, the only difference was now she knew it was illegal, but at this point she didn’t care. 

The siren went off, signalling Mark had won the Jackpot. It was only a few million dollars which was nothing to him, but his face lit up anyway.

“There you go.” Ellie crossed her arms and leaned against the ‘stupid machine’. It didn’t need to be pointed out that that comment kind of hurt her. 

Mark’s emotions just did a 180. Now he was jumping up and down in pure excitement.. “Yoooo what?! This is so lit! I know I’m already a huge and successful young billionaire but who cares?! Yay! Yay! Yay! Go me!” After his mini excitement freakout, he looked at Ellie. “Hey, do that again! Oh! Oh! And take a photo of me with the machine too!” He didn’t wait for her response to any of that. He already struck his “I just won a million dollars” pose while he waited on Ellie to take his picture.

She sighed, again, and took out his phone to start taking photos of him. His pose was pretty sexy, but now wasn’t the time to fawn over him.

“I know this question seems a bit… out of the blue. I believe that is the expression.” Ellie said, “But why do you dislike artificial intelligence so much? Your life is based around all sorts of technology. Why would a certain kind of technology bother you?” 

“It’s not like I dislike AI’s, I just like to insult them! It’s funny because I can be mean to robots all day and because they have no feelings, they can’t do anything about it.” Mark started laughing. “But yeah I mean I use robots all the time for my business but that’s really all that they are to me. Business ploys.” Mark changed the subject before Ellie could respond “I don’t wanna talk about stupid robots anymore! I want you to help me win every slot machine in this entire casino! Kay? Kay.” He would’ve left the slot machine but he noticed that one of the casino employees was making his way to him to verify that he indeed won. He smirked at the employee and leaned against the side of the machine while he waited.

“I helped you win a few million dollars, that is all the help you will be getting from me today.” She would've helped him more if he didn’t just roast her ass, unknowingly, but if he did know he would have roasted her anyway. “I know you want to drop the robot subject but let us say, theoretically, you fell in love with this girl and you were… what is the term?” Ellie tapped her foot and thought for a second. “Oh. Soulmates. You were soulmates. But what if you find out she was a robot all along? Would you still love her?” God. That was one of the most idiotic questions Ellie had ever asked in her short lifespan. 

Mark started laughing uncontrollably. He honestly thought her question was the best joke he had heard all day. Aside from the great memes his fans made about him earlier that same day on Twitter. “Oh please, like that would ever happen!” As soon as Ellie gave him his phone back at the end of a long day of taking photos of him, he was going to have to post about that.

“That did not answer my question.” She murmured under her breath, but it was too quiet to hear. She turned away from Mark and just stared at the rest of the casino, scanning in the very unlikely event Boyd was there. She needed something to keep her occupied. 

The employee verified Mark’s ID, proceeded to flip out that he was in front of a celebrity, took a picture with him, and then moved on to check the machine to make sure nothing was wrong with it. He wouldn’t find anything, Ellie already knew. 

As Ellie was looking away from Mark, with a pretty upset expression, he noticed the expensive wedding ring on her left hand. Or perhaps it was an engagement ring for the show?

Mark pointed at Ellie’s left hand. “What’s the ring about? Is it for the show?” He gasped “WAIT?! How come I didn’t get one?!” He wanted to continue playing and have Ellie help him but he was also a nosey bitch.

Ellie whipped her head to look back at him like a goddamn bullet before looking back down at her hand. Damnit! She knew she should’ve taken it off and put it in her purse, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Her circuits warmed up because she was quite embarrassed and had absolutely no idea what to say.

“U-um, no. No it is not for the show.” 

The conversation was uncomfortable as is, but the casino was getting more crowded which didn’t help Ellie’s anxiety in the least. 

Her mind was racing. She had to come up with some sort of explanation because she knew him well enough to know he was going to keep pushing until he got all the tea. 

“Well, this may surprise you since you find me so ‘unattractive’,” Despite the sarcasm, she was clearly distressed. “But I used to be married. He, uh, he passed away about... one year ago… tragically. I just- I need the ring on me so I can feel like he is with me. It honestly is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.” Ellie said. “Needless to say, that gives you an explanation of why I am not very ecstatic about being on this ‘reality television’ show.” She was done, but when she saw his expression she knew she had to add something. “That was not part of the script. I told you I am not following it anymore.” 

“Oh…” That wasn’t something he was expecting to hear. His first assumption was that it was for the show and nothing more. Damn, it should be for the fake show that they were on because that would’ve made for a really great sob story. “Shit, I didn’t realize. Ummmm… I’m sorry.” His condolence came out really awkward but it was rare for Mark Beaks to even give his condolences to begin with.

“It is alright.” It wasn’t, obviously, but she knew that was the common and accepted response to apologies among organics. 

The employee finally stood up from the machine, not hearing any of the conversation they just had which was for the best. “Alright, Mr. Beaks! You ready to head up to the counter to get your check?” 

“Hell yeah! Pew pew pew pew!” Mark did his signature finger gun gesture all the way to the counter with the slightly annoyed employee leading him. Ellie followed behind the two of them.

It didn’t take long for Mark to receive his check for the jackpot. He stuffed his check in a very safe place: his cardigan pocket. He made his way to a completely different slot machine and sat down at the mini chair that was bolted to the floor in front of it. He patiently waited on Ellie to do whatever it was that she needed to do to have him win the jackpot again. Ellie couldn’t refuse to help him win when he was giving her big puppy dog eyes and the sweetest smile she had ever seen him have. He always knew how to use his charm to get whatever he wanted.

Ellie wasn’t talkative as is, but she literally wasn’t saying anything anymore. Not only was it unnerving, but it made for shitty television content. 

When Ellie wasn’t helping him he frowned at her. “Uhhhhhh so is there a reason why you aren’t helping me win the jackpot anymore? Oh and you’re also not taking any photos of me so what gives?”

“Because I am…” What was that thing organics described themselves as when they wanted to sleep? Oh yeah. “Tired. I should probably return to my suite to take a nap soon so I may be more energetic for the show.” Not that she was energetic in conversation to begin with. 

“Nooooooooooooo! Don’t go to bed! That’s really lame!” Mark whined. He slumped his body in his chair to express his emotions. It almost made him fall out of his seat so he quickly readjusted himself before continuing “Look, just stick around for a few more games, alright? Then tomorrow we can go back to you taking selfies of me around the city!” If it was anyone else saying that they wanted to leave, Mark probably wouldn’t have cared. However, he was actually enjoying Ellie’s company more and more. It was at that weird stage where Mark probably didn’t even realize it or what it meant. No surprise there because he was kind of an idiot.

“Fine.” She proceeded to sit down next to him at the current slot machine he was at, which signalled she wasn’t going to help him anymore. 

“Litttttttt!” He wasn’t too bummed out over the fact that she didn’t want to help him win the jackpot anymore. There would be other times to do so and it’s not like he wasn’t the world’s youngest billionaire or anything. He started playing his slot machine. He wasn’t the best at it. He would win twenty dollars here and there but it was obvious that he was losing money. At that point he was just playing to pass the time, not really paying attention to how much money he was having the slot machine eat up.

Without any warning, Ellie leaned her head on Mark’s shoulder. 

Yeah, she knew he was probably going to flip the hell out and push her off, or, if she was lucky, he would believe it was a part of the show and just go along with it.

Either way, she didn’t care. She just wanted to pretend, even if it was just for a second, that she was with the old Mark. 

Much to Ellie’s surprise, Mark didn’t freak out. He did nothing at all. He just casually accepted it while he continued to waste more and more money on the casino machine. Ellie couldn’t see this happen, but in between plays Mark would glance down at her head and smile before going back to focus on the game.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria almost slept the entire day away because of how exhausted she was from the previous night. When she did get up, she got dressed and started to walk around the hotel lobby to look for Mia again. The hotel was really large with lots of different things to do scattered around. It made looking for her a bit difficult but she told herself that if she didn’t find her now, she would just go back to her room and wait until later in the day to check again. 

It took about an hour, but Gloria finally spotted Mia sitting at a table outside one of the many indoor restaurants, close to the fake Venice canal. 

She was with one of her clients, chatting and smiling away. She looked genuinely happy but as soon as he left the table after leaving cash for the bill, as well as her ‘services’, she quickly scowled before checking the time. Mia must have had time before her next ‘scheduled appointment’ because she quickly took out a small mirror from her purse and started to touch up her lipstick, as well as her hair. 

Gloria made her way over to where Mia was sitting “Hey, Mia. Is it okay if I sit with you?” She smiled at her and pointed to the now empty chair across from her. Talking to Mia might prove to be a bit awkward after their conversation last night. 

Mia almost dropped her mirror, before quickly closing it and shoving it back in her purse, along with her lipstick. “O-oh, hi Gloria. Yeah you can sit for a bit but…” She looked at her watch yet again. “I sadly do have to get going in about... twenty minutes.” The conversation was awkward already. “It’s, um, nice to see you again. I was afraid I wasn’t going to…” 

Gloria sat down across from her while she finished talking. The first thing she noticed was the bruises on Mia’s arm, on top of the burn marks she had. They weren’t there yesterday and there had to have been more that just weren’t visible. Gloria wasn’t going to say anything, not yet. 

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again too and I hope you’re doing okay after what happened last night. Um… are you doing alright?” She knew that the answer was ‘no’ but she had to ask anyway. Gloria had no idea how to restart their conversation but considering she was pressed for time until Mia had to leave again, she figured she should just start cutting to the case.

Mia thought about her question for a second and ended up not answering. She countered it with one of her own. “...You said you have to spend a few nights here although you don’t want to. If you aren’t here on your own free will then… why?” 

She sighed “It’s such a long story how I got here again but, to be brief, my friends and I were flying back home to Duckburg before we had to make an emergency landing. We’re here until the plane is fixed which should take about a few days.” Gloria didn’t want to say that they crashed down. The people who weren’t familiar with Launchpad McQuack have no idea just how normal it is for plane crashes to occur and that would just be added stress that Mia didn’t need at the moment. 

Mia smiled as best as she could at Gloria before looking back down at her reflection in her latte. It was long cold by now. “That sounds like… quite the adventure.” 

Gloria laughed a little at that. She had no idea the extent of their “adventure”. “Yeah I guess so.”

The two sat in silence for a moment before Gloria changed the subject. “If it’s too personal for me to ask, let me know and I’ll drop it.” She gestured to Mia’s arm. “…what happened to your arm? Was it burnt?”

Mia looked down at the burns Gloria was referring to, like she had forgotten it was there for a moment. “I don’t really… talk about it with anyone. But yeah… yeah it’s a burn.” She whispered. Gloria just nodded in response, a bit disappointed Mia wasn’t willing to open up to her but not surprised. She began to think really hard about what she was going to say next, without being too nosy, when Mia spoke up again. Her voice was softer than it was before, as if she was spilling a secret she had never told to anyone and was ashamed of it. And that was indeed the case. “...it was, um, that guy you were dating. I forgot what his name was. I know you mentioned it yesterday… but my memory just isn’t that good anymore. Sorry.” Because of all the drugs she was on, but that wasn’t going to be mentioned. Nor were the bruises on top of her burns. Those were probably self explanatory. 

Gloria sighed. Obviously burns are better than being dead but the fact that Axel was still able to hurt her only pained her more. “I’m really sorry, Mia. There really isn’t a word to describe just how cruel of a person he was…” After saying the past tense while referring to Axel, it brought up another point. “This might not make you feel any better but Axel, and his gang, they’re all dead.” Gloria didn’t want to go into the detail that she and her family were the ones to kill them. It’s not like Mia couldn’t handle the truth. She had always done her best to shield all of the horrible things she would do away from Mia. Old habits die hard. 

Mia didn’t look up from her cup of coffee. “...Did you kill him?” 

Well that didn’t last long. “Yeah. I ran into him a while ago. They were all taken care of before they could hurt me again. That prick…” She trailed off.

Letting out a sigh, Mia quickly glanced back up at Gloria before going back to her coffee once more. “Gloria… I know he hurt me, and especially you… but murder?” Her voice remained hushed so no one would overhear, but a part of it was because she was scared. “I found out a lot about you after you left… things I didn’t want to know. But I came looking for you anyway. But now that you’re here… I want you back but I also… don’t know how to feel about you… as a person.” Her sentence was so broken up it took her awhile to finish, it was the same with most of her sentences. Gloria had noticed the previous night and wondered why that was. “I love you... but I’m also afraid of you, Gloria. I didn’t realize that until you showed up.” 

“I know. You have every right to be afraid around me. I know I would…” She sighed as well “The things I did, they weren’t because I wanted to. I had to just to survive. I’m not proud of any of it though... And that’s exactly what I was afraid of back when I left New York. I wanted you to leave with me but the thought of you knowing about the things I did while in his gang? I couldn’t do that to you. I wanted to shield you and protect you from that side of my life.” She let out a laugh that sounded more sad than anything else. “And yet here we are…”

“I will never agree with what you did… and what you still do,” Mia could tell by the look in Gloria’s lost eyes that she still did things she wasn’t proud of. Horrid things. “But I can’t judge you too harshly anymore. I know what it means to do what you have to do now.” 

That brought the conversation back around to the questions Gloria had burning in her mind. “Why did you choose… this line of work? There are much more safer and efficient ways of getting by in Vegas. When I was here, I was a stripper. It was still dangerous at times, yes, but… Shit, Mia, it looks like you’re in danger everyday. Look at your arms. Look at your bruises. Mia, this isn’t okay.” Gloria was about to start her rant on how she can help Mia get out of Vegas but she wanted her to answer her question first.

“You think I’m not aware of that?” There was no snippiness behind her comment, it was a genuine question. “I had… trouble finding a job at first and… it was an easy way to make money. But… now it’s on my record...so...” Mia was visibly shaking, but grabbing on to the sides of her cup seemed to ground her. 

Gloria changed the subject again. She couldn’t dwell on what Mia just told her any longer. “I’ll be leaving soon and I want you to come with me. Let me help you get out here. You can get a fresh start in a new city and I’ll be there to help if you ever need anything. Things can be so much better, Mia. For the both of us. Please consider it because there is no way in hell that I am leaving Vegas knowing that you’re still here.”

“Why? You left me in New York when I needed you, knowing that I was at risk because of some gang I didn’t even know you were a part of.” She said. “I had a life. I had friends and a family. I was a straight A student and I was so close to getting my degree… I got promoted to manager at Starducks and the customers... loved me. And I threw it all away to come here and commit crimes, looking for someone who left... me behind. Someone who is way worse of a criminal than I am. And I didn’t realize what a fool I was until now. Yet I can’t even... go back to New York. My family already disowned me.” She kept going, preventing Gloria from responding. “Why would I go to Duckburg with a murderer who betrayed me? You’ll just leave me behind there too. Or drag me into… whatever you do. I’m sure it’s worse than what I’m going through. I can tell by the way you walk. Your demeanor is so… off…” 

Gloria kept shaking her head while she spoke. She wanted to cry but she held it together. “Mia, I never wanted this life for you. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me but please know that I truly did have your best intentions at heart.” She sighed “It may not seem like it, but I really am trying my best to change my life around. The life I had? I don’t want it anymore and Duckburg is helping me stay true to that promise I made for myself. It can do the same for you.” Gloria started to bounce her leg while she spoke. “You don’t have to forgive me. You can hate me for the rest of your life if that’s what you want... but please, let me do this one thing for you. Let me help you. Even if you never want to see me again afterwards. Please…” She didn’t want to resort to begging, but that’s all she had left to do after her first attempts failed.

“No.” Mia scooted back in her chair like she was genuinely afraid. “I won’t go with you. I don’t want your help. I… I wanted you back but I don’t want that anymore.” She scooted back in her chair more and her voice was quivering. “Besides… you- you have that other guy with you. The one you left me for after forgetting about me. You don’t need me and I don’t need you so… so get away from me. Go away...” 

“I know where your mind is right now because I experienced it. Believe me when I tell you that there is a way out of here. Even if it’s not with me, just let me help you get out of here. You and I both know that you can’t keep living like this. I know I’m flawed but I promise as soon as I know that you’re safe, you won’t have to see me or deal with anything with my life ever again if that’s what you want.” She sighed, knowing her pleas were just going around in circles. “At least think about my offer, okay? Can you at least consider it?”

Mia stood up without another word, holding onto her purse for dear life. “Okay…” 

It was unclear whether Mia’s answer was genuine or just a lie to get Gloria to leave her alone. Either way it didn’t matter because she fled the scene just as quickly as she fled the bar the previous night, even leaving her payment from her client behind.

Gloria felt like she was back to where she started last night. All she could hope to do now was try to see Mia again either later that night or sometime the next day. She grabbed Mia’s money and tucked it away in her pocket with plans on returning it to her the next chance she got. She got up from the table as well and walked in the opposite direction, back to her and Gyro’s hotel room.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	50. Some French Place

In Le Monde de Joël Robuchon, the most expensive restaurant in all of Las Vegas, sat Mark and Ellie. She had finally convinced him to go out for dinner with her the following day after the casino and his separate strip club endeavors.

He didn’t agree to anything until he was able to bribe his way into the most expensive restaurant in all of Las Vegas that was booked for months, which he obviously could do because this is Mark fucking Beaks we’re talking about. 

They had just arrived and the awkward silence was already settling in, which was to be expected since Mark was having a blast taking selfies of himself and Tweeting about where he was, as he always did. 

Ellie didn’t really care, she hoped being around him was enough to jog his memories, although that was already a lost cause in the back of her mind. She glanced up at him every once in a while, because he was dressed way more appropriately for such an establishment than she was, before going back to coloring the kid’s menu she requested. 

Yeah, after everything, homie still liked coloring. When she got back to Duckburg, the first thing she was going to do was treat herself to a coloring book after all the shit she went through. Well, she would treat herself to a coloring book after they all found Boyd. 

Eventually she searched her data for good ‘first date’ questions to ask.

She nodded to herself when she found one and it just looked like she was having some internal monologue before she spoke up.

“What are some ‘fun facts’ about you that most people do not know?” 

That gave Mark an idea. It was obvious because his eyes lit up after she asked him that. “O-M-G! That’s such a great idea for my fans to get to know me better! I can post fun facts about myself once a week and there can be a trivia night over who knows me the best! Hold up let me write that down!”

Mark went to the note section of his phone and started to type out his new idea before pausing. “Okay okayyyyyyy… fun facts about meeeeeee…” He had to think about it for a moment. “People know I do yoga already, right?” He was asking Ellie as if she would know the answer to that. “Oh wait yeah I think they already do. Shit. Okay ummmmm…” He thought about it for another moment. “Oooooooohhh okay so my real name is actually Markus and Mark is just a nickname. I also never lived anywhere where it snowed. It’s wayyyyyyy too cold and icy to like, do anything! Oh, and you know those balloon men that you see at car dealerships? Totally freak me out, dude. I hate those things so much! So yeah those are the first few things that come to mind.” He typed in his notes again before looking up at Ellie for a moment. “What about you?” The fact that he was genuinely curious and wanted to know more about Ellie surprised even himself.

That actually made Ellie smile for a moment before she quickly grew concerned. There wasn’t much to tell him that didn’t give anything away. “I would not say there is anything fun about me that I already did not tell you at the hospital but…” She started pressing the crayon on the kid’s menu down harder because Mark looking at her was starting to make her really nervous. “I like to stab people and commit arson.” The crayon snapped under the pressure right after that statement and she looked up at him, shooting out a hand in protest. “...in video games. I… enjoy video games.” She very slowly went back to coloring, with the crayon that was now half its previous size. 

She decided to add in something last minute so it would give him something else to comment on other than what she just said. “I also… secretly love Jimmy Buffett’s music.” Surprisingly, that wasn’t a lie and she was very ashamed of it. 

“Is that why you asked me about Jimmy Buffett that one time?” That question didn’t need answering. “But it’s cool that you like video games! I do too! I have a minecraft server that I made for me and my friends to use. You can join it if you want.” He smiled. Again, he wasn’t sure why he was acting so nice to Ellie all of a sudden. He’s kind of an idiot that way.

Ellie wasn’t looking up at him so she didn’t smile back. “I will pass but I appreciate the offer.” 

“Hey there!”

For a fancy restaurant, the waiter sure as hell wasn’t professional. His booming voice made Ellie flinch and she dropped her crayon. He proceeded to step on it while adjusting his stance.

...that was the only crayon they gave her. 

“Can I get you two something to drink other than water?!” 

Scowling at him, Ellie shook her head. “No. I will pass.” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair to look down at her partially colored photo of a chef in a kitchen that had every appliance labeled for the children to identify. Man, it was coming along greatly too. She was going to frame it and everything. 

The waiter didn’t notice her attitude and smiled. “That’s alright! I’ll get you a Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne on the house!” He smiled. “What about you, sir?” 

Mark scoffed. “Mr. Beaks, actually.”

“MARK BEAKS?!”

Everyone in the restaurant turned to stare; not at Mark, but at the annoying waiter, before they went back to their meal. 

Mark rolled his eyes and huffed. He was pissed at the waiter, but more so because people weren’t staring at him. This place was lame as hell. “Yes. The Mark Beaks. And I’ll have your most expensive Vodka. ‘Diva’ or whatever it’s called. Make it snappy. K?” 

He nodded vigorously. “Right away, sir!” And he scuttled off, reminding Ellie too much of how Glomgold scuttled; when he was standing up and not on all fours, that is. 

Ellie was huffy herself, still over the crayon, and grabbed the water on the table to pour into the fake plant. Water started to spill over the edges and she started wondering why the roots were not absorbing anything, but she kept pouring anyway until the entire glass was emptied. The table cloth was now soaked around the plant.

Mark ignored… whatever that was. “God. That asshole was an idiot.”

“...he stepped on my crayon…” Ellie muttered.

The conversation trailed off after that and Ellie felt pressured to start it up again. He was being really nice so far, and despite the crayon incident, the date was going great.

“So…” She stopped because she had no idea what she was about to say. Instead, she focused her attention on fiddling with the ring on her finger underneath the table, hoping Mark would come up with something to say. There were too many thoughts buzzing around in her mind to put too much effort into anything anymore, but that was something to be addressed later back in Duckburg that would dismiss itself once Boyd was safe.

Mark went back to tweeting a while ago. He was already working on the fun fact idea that he wrote down in his notes earlier. “So, like, what’s the plan after dinner? Did the show producers tell you anything about what we should be doing?” He continued “Ya know, I haven’t seen a single producer for the show. They’re pretty good, hiding in the background so easily that even we can’t see them. It really makes the show that much more believable!” He stopped tweeting to look up when the new season of 90 Day Fiancé was going to air. He already made a mental note to post on all of his social media platforms that he will be on the show and to make sure that everyone watches it.

Ellie moved on to just nervously kneading her hands together. She wondered how he would react if he found out all of this was some elaborate lie before he regained his memories. She pushed that thought aside for now. “I know. It is very impressive.” 

After all of this, Ellie was getting really good with coming up with lies on the spot, but that didn’t mean she was good at it. The way her tone shifted gave it away every time, even the average person could pick up on it. But Mark on the other hand? Well she lucked out.

“I am going to ask you a question.” She said as if that would give him time to prepare. “Why are you being more polite toward me now? I know it is for the ‘show’, but you were rather rude up until this point. Why the…” Ellie forgot the phrase for a second. “Why the change of pace? Is it because you believe it will make for better valued content?” She phrased that weird and it was just question after question, but she hoped Mark knew what she was trying to get to.

“Ummmmmmm” Mark set his phone down as he began tapping on the table with his index fingers. That was the exact question he’s been asking himself this entire time in his head. “Okay yeah I’ll be real here for a minute. I really have no fucking clue. I guess because before you were bland and boring as shit. But once I got to know you a bit better and when you like, almost fucking killed G-gold and helped me win the jackpot, I dunno, I guess I realized that you weren’t that bad. At first you didn’t come off as someone that I would really like to chill with but now? Yeah I wouldn’t be against it.”

Ellie immediately started laughing, genuinely, which only earned a look from Mark.

She cleared her throat. “I apologize. I was just not expecting that is all.” She really wasn’t. Out of everything she was doing to get Mark to like her, which actually wasn’t a lot, she wasn’t expecting it to be murder and money. Looking back on it, it was pretty obvious that would be the case. “If anything, I was expecting you to continue despising me forever. I did not help my case considering I do get snappy with you, but you are rather annoying.” She continued before he could get ‘snippy’ with her. “You remind me of someone. I denied it at first, claiming that you are way worse of a person than he was. But you are not. You are exactly as terrible as he was, in a charming way, and I do not know why I did not see that before.” 

She stared at him for a few more seconds before sighing. It was now or never. “I am not saying this because you remind me of someone,” Yes she was “But I like you, Mark. Like-like you.” She was mimicking that time in prison when he asked if she ‘like-liked’ him which he obviously wouldn’t remember, but she mimicked it anyway. 

That earned a laugh from Mark. “Yeah I can’t blame you for liking me. I mean, who doesn’t?” He totally just ignored the fact that Ellie lowkey roasted him a couple of times before she admitted to like-liking him. He’s been insulted worse so whatever.

Needless to say… that comment wasn’t what Ellie was expecting. When she had admitted to liking him in prison, he was overjoyed, but now? It seemed he just prided himself and brushed it off. 

He admitted to liking being around her but of course he didn’t like her that way. 

Ellie stiffened up as her circuits warmed. Now she was just really embarrassed. 

“Umm… that was… that was for the show. We do have to keep it entertaining after all. Why would I ever fall for a guy like you?” She murmured before picking up the menu like she was actually going to order something. She just wanted to seem occupied. 

“So wait, you said all of that for the show?” That actually made Mark upset. He actually thought Ellie was starting to like him and it made him start to question his own feelings. “So you don’t actually like me.” It was never a great time for Mark when he found out that there was someone who didn’t like him. 

Ellie gripped her menu tighter and shook her head. “No. I am not fond of you.” There was a stretch of silence before she added to that. “At all.” 

Mark didn’t respond to that. He just stared at the front of Ellie’s menu that was blocking her face before going back to his phone.

There was another long and awkward silence before the waiter came back with their drinks. He set Mark’s drink down first, making sure it was exactly right. He was treating Mark as if he was a high-end food critic. Mark was really distracting him so he almost didn’t even notice that he spilt Ellie’s alcohol all over her when he set her glass down on the table.

The embarrassment of having done that in front of Mark Beaks really got to their waiter. He apologized again and again without taking a break before rushing off to get their food delivered to them faster as a means of another apology.

Mark glared at the waiter while he watched him leave. “Pfft. What did I tell ya, Ellie, the guy is a fucking idiot.”

Ellie was quieter than normal which made Mark turn to look at her again. Her expression seemed off. As if she just heard horrible news. “Ummmm… you good, dudette?”

Unbeknownst to Mark, Ellie was gritting her teeth as well as gripping the sides of her seat to prevent herself from twitching violently. It only worked for so long until her body couldn’t take it anymore and she was forced to let go and start to oddly contort. She attempted to grip the side of the table as a means to stabilize herself but the white cloth slipped, throwing her arm down that held onto it and smashing her head into the table as their glasses fell and shattered on the ground.

No one in the restaurant was paying any attention to them because when did anyone pay attention to any shit going down in the Glomsquad?

“H-hello! I am Ellie! I hope I can be of service to you!” She chimed. The british accent had left the chat. “Mam nadzieję, że mogę ci służyć! J'espère pouvoir vous servir! 希望我能为您服务!” Ellie was saying that last phrase of the sentence over and over in different languages.

Her left hand, the one part of her body Ellie could currently control, pressed itself on the table and attempted to hoist her face off of it. Eventually she was able to get her right hand to join and could get herself to sit upright. Her body had stopped twisting but she continued to mutter different languages under her breath. 

In time, Ellie fell silent and still, though she was still visibly shaking with her hands gripping the edges of the table tightly. She looked up at Mark. “I-I-I a-a-apologize.” Her speech needed a second to get back in order again but she knew she had to say something anyway. 

Holy hell. She was going to need to see Gyro after this bullshit. 

Mark was just sitting there watching the entire scene unfold. He stared at her blankly. “So uhhh… that was pretty wack. Uh… I’m just gonna take a shot in the dark here and say that you’re a robot, right?” He literally had a million questions to ask her now and about half of them were probably considered offensive to artificial intelligence. 

Ellie waited a moment to make sure she wasn’t stuttering and that her British accent returned when she spoke up again. She eventually shook her head. “No.” 

We all know Mark is stupid and horrible when it came to picking up on lies, but that one was obvious, even for him.

“Uh-huh okay. How come you didn’t mention the fact that you’re a robot sooner? Seems like a pretty big detail to bring up don’t you think?”

She remained silent for a moment, wanting to continuously deny it, but the gig was up. “I was going to tell you, back at the hospital, but…” She hoped he knew what she meant. “I did not want to be treated like an object.” She darted her eyes away from him, focusing on the shattered glass on the ground. 

“I don’t understand why you couldn’t just tell me but you do you I guess.” His eyes widened, just putting two and two together. “So that’s why you were so good at helping me win the jackpot last night! And the reason why that dude didn’t catch us cheating on the machine! Yoooooooo that’s fucking sick! What are some other cool robot things you can do?!” Mark spoke with a new spark of energy. 

“Cool robot things?” Ellie didn’t quite get what he meant by that. “I do not believe I can do anything extraordinary. But I have access to all the information you can imagine in my data. I also am able to scan body heat, analyze bacteria, among an array of other activities I do not think you would find interesting.” She looked back at him. “I was originally built to assist my Uncle Glomgold and follow his orders, but we did not cooperate so now I simply just wish to kill him. It is not going so well on my half if yesterday is anything to go by.” 

“Okay so let me recap and see if I have everything. So you’re a robot. You were built for G-Gold to do robot shit, but now you wanna kill him. You picked me up from the hospital and now I’m on a dating show with you. I feel like there's a lot of information I’m missing but whatever. I would much rather just roll with whatever is going on right now and enjoy my vay-cay in Vegas, ya feel?”

Ellie was tense when Mark first mentioned how there was a lot of the story being left out. It was bad enough she had to reveal that she was a robot to him so soon, so she was relieved when Mark brushed it off quickly. She didn’t have to lie her way around it this time around.

Mark went back to tweeting just like that.

“Pardon me.” 

He didn’t look up at her again but she knew he was listening.

“You are alright with me being a robot? It does not upset you? You seemed to have a strong… disliking for them earlier. How do I know you do not view me that way?” She really wanted to stop getting all up in his shit, but she had to know how he actually viewed her now.

“You serious? Dude, I love robots and tech! That’s kinda my whole thing.” Mark gestured to himself and his phone. “My whole company is literally centered around the latest technology.” 

That answer made Ellie content enough. 

She nodded and stood up, attempting to wipe off the now dry spots that had long stained her dress. She made a mental note that her system was way more sensitive to alcoholic liquids than water. She was not that sensitive otherwise. 

“I am sorry to cut the ‘fake date’ short, but I should be going. I need Gyro to confirm my software is alright.” She grabbed her purse but then noticed Mark’s confused expression. “Dr. Gearloose… is the one who built me for my Uncle Glomgold.”

Mark rolled his eyes. “God that guy is such a fucking loser. Be sure to give him one of these when you see him.” Mark raised his middle finger up. He thought it was a little weird that Scrooge’s leading scientist would build a robot for Glomgold but like he told himself earlier, he was on vacation. He put his hand back on the table. “So do you wanna hang out sometime again tomorrow? There’s still a lot of Vegas that we haven’t hit up yet.”

“I would love to!” Ellie blurted out a little too quickly, but she didn’t even notice as she proceeded to clasp her hands together. “André Rieu is holding a concert tomorrow! The tickets are sold out but I was planning on just breaking in after I admire the architecture of the city and view the show at the Bellagio fountain! You are welcome to come if you would like!” 

Mark shot her a finger gun gesture and wink. “I don’t know what André Rieu is but I’m in!”

“Not what, who! He is one of my favorite classical music artists and I almost broke a circuit when I found out he is here! You will most definitely hate it but you are coming. Goodbye.” She flicked him off, thinking it was a kind gesture, and left before he could answer. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro was sitting on the bed next to Gloria. They were currently on their fifth round of Ratatouille in the dark. 

He let out a hefty sigh, letting Gloria know he was about to talk about something not so happy. He looked over at her despite her eyes still being glued to the television. But she was listening.

“About Mia… I know she is scared of you and everything but… she loves you a lot. I haven’t even met her and I know.” Gyro kept his voice hushed because this was hard for him to speak about. “You’re going to disagree with me, but please hear me out. She was your first love, Gloria. She came here for you. I can’t just replace her like that. It’s not right. I don’t want to leave you, but Mia… she needs you, Gloria. Look at where she is now. She did it for you. I can’t just swoop in and take you away from someone you truly care about, someone you had a past with.” 

Gloria grabbed the remote to turn the volume down. She stopped watching the movie but she wasn’t looking at Gyro either. She was just staring blankly at the wall while she thought about what Gyro just said, having it repeat over and over again in her mind. “But you’re also some I truly care about and I also have a past with. Think about everything we’ve gone through together.” She covered her eyes with her hand to help her think. “A part of me still loves her, and I want her to be happy and safe but… I can’t just leave you, Gyro. I love you and I don’t want to leave you.”

He laid a hand on her shoulder, despite them both laying down. “Hey… trust me, I don’t want you to leave me either and I’m not forcing you to do anything. I just think you should take more time to think about what you truly want. You just met Mia again after years so it’s still new, you may change your mind and… I’ll understand. Just don’t stress over it, okay? I know you’re going to anyway, but I’m still telling you not to.” 

Gyro was right. Of course she was still going to stress over it. How could she not? “Alright.” Gloria already had it in her mind that she couldn’t possibly leave Gyro but even with her telling him so, he wasn’t fully convinced. Not that he didn’t believe her, he was the kind of person who would try to see every possible outcome and react to it accordingly. Gloria took her hand off of her face and stared at the ceiling. “What if I can’t get Mia to leave Vegas, Gyro? I can’t just leave her here. I’ve asked and begged her to reconsider but I don’t think she will.”

“I don’t know…” 

Gloria could tell he was thinking as deeply as she was, and even as stressed for Mia as she was.

“We could always… force her to leave for the sake of getting her out of a dangerous situation. Police officers do that all the time.” He knew that idea was horrible, but it was all he had. “But before it gets to that point, you should just try to keep talking to her like you have been.” 

She sighed “She would resent me more than she already does but you’re right. If that’s what needs to be done. I’ll go out again to the lobby after the movie is over to look for her and try talking to her about leaving again.”

Just as Gloria was finished speaking, there was a light knock on the door.

Gyro sighed. “I’ll get it. It’s probably Ellie.” He popped on the lights, just for a moment, to answer the door. 

When he opened it, it was a woman he had never seen before. But she was dressed very… lude. He had a feeling he knew who she was.

“Hello. You must be Gyro.” Mia smiled weakly. “Is Gloria here as well?”

He looked behind him, accidentally confirming Mia’s question. Not that the fact Gloria was in the room needed to be kept a secret because she bolted upright in the bed immediately when she heard Mia’s voice. 

Gyro looked back at Mia with a worried, but soft expression. “I’ll leave you two alone for a little bit.” He didn’t say anything else, but he delivered Gloria a small smile before leaving the room and closing the door quietly behind him.

The room was silent with the exception of Ratatouille playing quietly in the background.

“Hi, Gloria.” Mia was a lot more calm, but it was clear she was still quite on edge. “I… just came back for… t-the money I left at the table. Do you have it… by any chance?”

Mia never spoke in broken sentences so often and Gloria wondered if it was a new habit of hers that the city had done, or if it was just because of her. Either answer wouldn’t be a surprise but it was most likely the latter. 

“Oh yeah I have it.” Gloria got up from the bed and grabbed the money that was sitting on the desk, handing it to Mia. “Sorry I couldn’t give it back to you sooner.” There was no way for Gloria to give it back any sooner but she felt bad nonetheless. “Is everything okay?” The fact that Mia came to find her this time proved that there must’ve been something that she needed to tell Gloria.”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.” Her lies almost sucked as much as Ellie’s which was very hard to do. “I just… wanted to know more about your life back in Duckburg. How are… the people there? What is it like? What do you- what do you do as a career?” 

Gloria sat back down on the bed and patted the side next to her. A lot of the stress Gloria was dealing with at the moment just left and it was obvious based on her reaction to Mia’s questions. Mia obliged and sat down, waiting on Gloria’s response. “The people in Duckburg are very nice and it really didn’t take me long to find a job.” She laughed “I’m actually one of Gyro’s interns. Which is how we met in the first place.” Gloria wasn’t sure how comfortable Mia was with her talking about Gyro so she moved on. “It’s California so it’s sunny all year ‘round. It really is a nice place to live.” A great place to live despite the literal dictatorship problem it had less than a year ago. 

Mia’s smile was genuine. “You got an internship? That’s… really swell to hear, Gloria.” Her next question was a bit odd, but when you look at the dissociated life that she lived now, separated from reality, it made sense why she would ask such a thing. “What about friends? Did you… did you have an easy time making them?” Gloria could tell she was embarrassed to ask that, not wanting to admit she didn’t have any friends. But Vegas was a hard place to live. Everyone who was there didn’t stay permanently. You had to get used to people that came and left quickly. But with Mia’s line of work, it was even harder to socialize naturally. 

Gloria’s life since she came to Duckburg was always on the move so she hasn’t made that many friends. But she made friends nonetheless! “Yeah it wasn’t too difficult! There are a lot of cafes that people go to for their lunch breaks so everyone is very friendly and social in the middle of the day. It’s actually really cute and one of my favorite parts of the day. Total strangers will open their homes to you and treat you as if you’re part of the family.” Gloria mentioned that due to her first experience meeting the McDuck Family.

Mia nodded to herself and then began to observe the room. She wasn’t actually paying attention to what she was looking at, it was just how she got herself to think in tough situations. “I just… I want to believe you but… I don’t think I’ll make it in Duckburg. Or anywhere else.” She whispered. “I can’t trust anyone anymore and…I hate being around people. What I do…” She was referring to her line of work. She couldn’t even say it out loud. “It’s on my record and places don’t take too… kindly to that. I always get turned down…not even colleges will take me here. Not that I have the money to attend anyway.” She finally looked back at Gloria. “I don’t understand why someone like you...” she didn’t continue that second half of the sentence and started it over. “I don’t understand how you managed to find a successful job and become so happy and I can’t. It just doesn’t seem… fair.” 

It may have been too far, but Mia took Gloria’s hand. But it was in no romantic manner, just a comforting gesture. “Sorry. That came off very rude. I really… I really am glad you’re happy. I’m just… upset.”

Gloria squeezed her hand to reassure her that she wasn’t offended. “No, I understand where you’re coming from. I was worried about that too when I was job hunting but honestly, nothing bad happened. I wasn’t even kicked out of the college I was attending before I took my internship either.” Gloria laughed again “I have been working for Gyro for about a year now and he only found out that I used to be a stripper like, a month ago?” She was starting to lose track on the days and how long it’s been since the cruise ship. “He clearly didn’t do a background check on me. Which is funny because he works under Scrooge McDuck and all of Gyro’s work needs to be secure and secret from the public until Scrooge tells him otherwise.” Now that she thought about it, she was actually curious as to why Gyro didn’t do a proper background check on her. That was something she was going to have to ask him about later. “So to make a long story short, people aren’t really doing serious background checks on their employers. Not the best idea, I guess, but they don’t. Again, it’s California, the majority of the locals are crazy and probably all have some dirt in their life.”

Mia nodded to herself again. “Alright.” The way she said it made it given she didn’t mean yes she was coming, but she also didn’t mean no. “About yesterday, when I called you… a murderer and a criminal. I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry… I was just angry after being stuck like this for so many years. But it’s not your fault… don’t blame yourself, alright? Promise me that much.” 

There was no way Gloria could stop blaming herself for what happened to Mia. Even if Mia told her not to. It all boiled down to her decision to leave her behind in New York so of course she was going to blame herself. She didn’t want to make Mia any more upset so she didn’t fight her on that and instead nodded as if she understood. “Don’t be sorry, Mia. You’re right about me. I am both of those things and I am not proud of it. Even if it was for self defense and survival, I still did it… and I can’t blame you for being scared of me.” She was still questioning if she should offer to help her leave Vegas again or not. The past two times she did, it caused her to storm away. She eventually decided against it, considering it caused Mia to strom away twice, so she stopped there.

“I… I’m okay with being a murderer because I was thinking about it and… I need you to take someone down for me. If you can.” She gripped on her cliche, skanky fishnets that were very worn and old looking. “I can’t leave Vegas unless he’s gone. I work for him and he won’t... let me leave. He’s only in town for a few days so it’s my only shot.” 

“I’ll take care of him, Mia. Just tell me everything that I need to know about the guy.” Her voice was really calm despite the fact she was literally talking about killing someone. It’s sad to admit but Gloria has seen so much that murder and death wasn’t fazing her as much as it would a normal person.

She gulped. “I don’t know much. I’ve never met him. Just his main guys who make sure... I stay in place.” She admitted that all reluctantly. She was so ashamed to be in the situation she was in to begin with. “I don’t know much. All I know is he... is staying at Paris Las Vegas. You know, the hotel and casino with the fake Eiffel tower outside.” She pointed out the window and then stopped when she realized the curtains were close. “His name is Kyle C. We call... him Mr. C. I’m not sure what his entire last name is.” She took Gloria’s hand again. “I am so sorry I’m doing this to you. But… you have to help me so… so I can come with you. I decided. I decided I want to go with you to Duckburg. And… And I’m okay with you not loving me back, I’m not sure how I feel anymore either. We- we both changed as people. I just need you to help me.” 

Gloria sighed in relief and brought Mia into a hug. All of the weight on her shoulders were gone. “Of course I’m going to help you. You don’t have to worry about your job, Mr. C, or anything relating to Vegas anymore. I’m going to take care of everything and you’re going to have a much happier life in Duckburg, alright? That’s a promise.”

Mia squeezed Gloria back and started crying. “Thank you so much, Gloria. I owe you everything.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro paced anxiously outside of the door when suddenly Ellie approached. 

“Hello, Gyro. I-”

He cut her off immediately. “Ellie, now isn’t really a good time.” He had no idea what she wanted and he was too anxious to really notice how snippy he was acting. He absentmindedly made the ‘shoo’ gesture at her.

She stayed in place and then bluntly proceeded to say, “You may as well rant to me now because if you do not I will simply walk away and you will have no one to speak to of your qualms.” 

He stared at her for a moment. I guess when you’re with the same few people, dealing with one negative conflict after another, you tend to notice when they’re upset. Gyro sighed and finally sat down in the hallways nearby his hotel room door, leaning his back against the wall. “It’s about Gloria and Mia… Mia is alive and she’s been here this entire time. She’s in there now talking to Gloria about who knows what.” He pointed his thumb at the wall behind him. He also just assumed that Ellie knew who Mia was, with the hope that maybe Gloria had mentioned her to Ellie before so he didn’t have to explain the backstory any further.

“That is wonderful to hear. Gloria and I held a funeral though so I suppose that is now pointless.” She sat down next to Gyro, waiting for him to continue. It should be mentioned Ellie had no intention of giving advice even though they were friends. She only really cared about giving deep and meaningful advice to Gloria. Gyro and Mark could handle themselves. Needless to say, she was willing to listen to him rant.

“No it’s not wonderful. Because of this, there’s a good chance that Gloria might leave me to be with Mia instead. They loved each other and they had this history together. Now that she’s back in Gloria’s life, I'm just in the way. I told her to not worry about whatever decision she makes and I’m trying to give her room to breathe but… what do I do if she does decide to stay with Mia?”

Aw man. Now she had to give him advice because he asked. 

“That is a good question but logically there is nothing you can do. But, if it is reassuring, I do not see that happening. I have not met this Mia but Gloria really loves you for you no matter the circumstances. She will not leave you.” She added one more thing before he could say something because she already knew he was going to oppose her comment. “Do not disagree with me aloud because I do not care. Just trust my advice because you are getting nothing more from me.” 

He gave Ellie a look before continuing. He knew she wasn’t going to be super reassuring when he first started talking so he shouldn’t be surprised by Ellie’s remarks. “Okay and I haven’t really met Mia either but I can tell that she’s very nice. I know based on the way Gloria has spoken about her. Mia has gone through so much just to have the chance of finding Gloria again. She sacrificed everything, leaving a good job, home and family behind for her. Now she has nothing and it's all because Gloria and I are dating.”

“See what you did there? You did not take my word for it that makes me upset.” Ellie huffed. She leaned against the wall before she continued. “I apologize, I obviously am not the best person when giving advice, but please trust me. Gloria will not leave you, I can just… tell, I suppose.” She said. “It is very sad, what happened to Mia, which is saying a lot because I do not care for others most of the time, but I know you and Gloria are going to get her out of whatever situation she is in to make up for it. That is all you can do.”

“I’m not sure if she wants to leave. That’s one of the many problems right now.” He huffed knowing that now he has to explain this a bit further for Ellie to be up to speed with everything. “Mia is reluctant to leave Vegas and Gloria is trying everything to get her to change her mind. And even if she does move to Duckburg, then what? Sure, Gloria might say that she wouldn’t leave me now but what about later down the road when Mia is living in the same city and they’re together again… I know I sound like a huge asshole right now but I’m just worried.”

“Well… if Mark, the old Mark, wanted to leave me, I would let him. I even told him so once, back on the beach right before we met Heidi. So I suppose you will have to do the same and wait and see. I know that is not what you want to hear but that is the only reasonable option, unless you indeed wish to be an ‘asshole’.” Ellie patted his shoulder. The motion was stiff and awkward but she tried. It was the effort that counted.

“Yes, I suppose so.” Yep that wasn’t what Gyro wanted to hear but Ellie was right. “Thanks for listening, Ellie.”

“You are very welcome.” She moved onto the next subject pretty quickly. “Anyway. I need you to take a look at my software to make sure it is not damaged. An alcoholic beverage spilled on my lovely dress and then I started speaking in different languages. Oh! And Mark told me to give you this.” She flipped a Gyro off.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	51. KitKats

When Ellie said she was going to break into the André Rieu concert with Mark, she meant it. They got in by her throwing a brick through a window when the orchestra was in the middle of playing “Love in Maastricht”, one of Ellie’s favorites, so it was lovely to listen to while doing another one of her favorite activities, breaking and entering.

They walked down the aisle with shattered glass in their hair, looking for a place to sit, but obviously it was full of elderly couples, only elderly couples. It was sold out after all. 

Eventually Ellie settled on approaching a random man she scanned at the end of a random aisle. “Hello, sir.” She greeted.

He smiled politely back. “Hello, young lady! How can I help you?”

Ellie gave no shits about how nice this fucking boomer was. 

“No, you cannot help me.” Her voice was blunt and showed no emotion, which only creeped the old man out. That was good on Ellie and Mark’s behalf. “I just wanted to let you know that you have two days, four hours, and twenty-six minutes to live. You have lung cancer, correct? I know you are on treatment and the doctor most likely told you you have a few more months. Well you do not, it is a lot more aggressive than either of you realize. So, you should spend more time with your wife there,” She pointed to the old woman, “rather than sitting in a classical music concert. That is not very intimate. You two might want to talk as much as possible because she will live a lot longer than you will. Why not go on a dinner date right now instead of… this.” She gestured to the concert around. “Do you not agree?” 

The old man didn’t even say anything, he just grabbed his wife’s hand and walked out, sobbing.

Ellie smiled and gestured for Mark to enter the aisle, with now empty seats, first.

Mark started to laugh obnoxiously, which was disturbing people in the nearby rows. “Holy shit, Ellie! That was literally the funniest thing ever! That boomer totally deserved it!” He sat down in the now empty chair with Ellie following suit.

“Okay, so like, what’s the point in listening to old people music again? It’s not really my vibe, ya know?”

“I know it is not your ‘vibe’, I just really love the sound of it. It is soothing.” She smiled. “But for organics, like yourself,” As if that needed to be pointed out. “It has a lot of benefits. Such as having a positive impact on your mood, productivity, and creativity.” 

“Mmhmm so like, is anyone going to be coming around and giving us popcorn or something? Please tell me that this entire thing isn’t just sitting here and listening to music?!”

“Shh!” One of the people sitting a row in front of Mark and Ellie turned around and shot Mark a look.

Mark flipped that person off before slumping in his chair and crossing his arms. “Fuck, the nerve of some people…” He muttered under his breath.

Ellie ignored what he just said to answer his previous question. “Of course the entire point of this is to listen to and observe the orchestra. And no, there will not be ‘popcorn’.” She had no idea what popcorn was but she didn't bother to search up what it was in her data. “You are an idiot.” 

Something about that last statement triggered something in Mark. 

He saw… what he assumed was Ellie on the ground. It was too blurry to tell, but it looked like they were in a warehouse.

“GODDAMNIT, MARK! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! YOU ARE AN IDIOT!” She shouted. “I AM REPLACEABLE BUT YOU ARE NOT! WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?!” 

She turned her attention to someone behind him.

“TINA STOP! I KNOW WE ARE NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE AND THAT MY SON WILL NOT BE REBUILT! LOSING HIM WAS ENOUGH! I HAVE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH TORTURE TO PLEASE YOU, BUT MARK HAS NOT SO GO AHEAD AND KILL ME RIGHT NOW TO MESS WITH HIM! SMASH MY HEAD IN!” 

Just like that he snapped out of it and the image of the Mario Kart loading screen returned. 

Mark had no idea where that came from but it kind of freaked him out. He gave Ellie a confused and almost scared look. “Yo, Who is Tina?” He whispered, partly because he didn’t want to get ‘shh’ed at by another boomer.

She whipped her head toward him, her attention off of the orchestra completely. She not only looked alarmed, but also terrified. “What?” Ellie kept her voice hushed, not for the boomers, but because she didn’t want the conversation to be overheard. “How do you know that name?” She desperately grabbed onto his hand.

He shook his head. “I’m not sure. I guess you were mad about something and… you wanted her to kill you?” Mark felt ridiculous after saying it out loud. He felt like none of that could’ve happened because, as far as he knew, he only knew Ellie for a few days. “I guess it was a weird dream that I had. But you were in it and you were pretty upset over something. It’s probably nothing.”

She stayed silent for awhile, keeping her hand on his, but her eyes drifted away. 

He hadn’t regained his memories, but he had some sort of flashback which caught her very off guard. Not to mention it was during a classical music concert he despised. She wondered if she should tell him everything again, like she had tried to in the hospital. She wanted to so badly, but deep down she knew that wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t get him to remember, he had to remember on his own like he just had. So the charade she was playing, she had to keep it up as heart wrenching as that was. 

The information she was about to give away was going to be minimal. 

“This is going to sound just as outlandish as your comment did, but I did know a Tina.” She continued to speak softly. Mark picked up that Ellie had used past tense which could only mean that whoever this Tina was was long gone. “She was a part of a gang my friends and I came across in Florida and she um… I do not know how to put this. Her and her friends were not too fond of us all and attempted to kill us. They were very close to succeeding.” She paused again. “They did succeed actually, with one person. That is how my husband died.” 

Right after that comment she looked back at him and then back down at her hand on top of his. She slowly retracted it, placing it back down on her lap. 

“Oh shit… That’s really terrible. Ummm… wow, I’m sorry, Ellie.” Mark directed his attention to the orchestra while also replaying his flashback over and over again to see if he could think of anything more. He couldn’t. He still wasn’t sure what exactly it was but he knew that there must’ve been more behind it. Especially since he had never experienced anything like that before.

He couldn’t help but look back at her again. 

Her attention was directed back to the orchestra, though this time around she was hugging herself. Her eyes drifted to a child, with his grandparents, that couldn’t sit still in his seat. Something about that scene made her flinch and she started hugging herself tighter. It seemed like she was gripping herself so tightly that if she wasn’t made of metal she probably would have pierced her own skin.

Mark would be annoying literally everyone in the theatre if the majority of them didn’t have hearing problems. He tapped Ellie’s shoulder and leaned closer, continuing to whisper. “Hey, you good?”

She looked at him and smiled. It was clearly fake. “Yes, I am. However, I appreciate you asking.” 

He didn’t believe her. “Is it because of your husband? I mentioned someone named Tina and you got super sad over it.”

“Yes, but there is no need for you to be concerned. It is not a problem of yours.” How ironic that statement was. Anyway, she pointed to his phone. “I know you are not very happy to be here so I hope your phone can keep you occupied enough. There is only one hour left if I had to guess. We showed up quite late. However, if it makes you content, we may do whatever you want to do afterward. It is impossible for me to get tired so no need to be concerned about that either.” She sighed, knowing she was going to regret what she was going to say because it didn’t quite go well the previous night. “Being around you cheers me up… and I am not saying that for the show this time.” Now there was no going back. 

Mark smiled. “For realzies?” That didn’t need answering so he continued. He looked around the theatre before back at Ellie. “I don’t think the show producers are here recording us but whatever.” He grabbed Ellie’s hand and held it. “Imma just hold your hand till this snooze fest of a concert is over. Cool?”

“Cool.” She confirmed. But Mark got hella confused when she retracted her hand away from his until she proceeded to hug his arm and lean her head on his shoulder like she had done in the casino the other night. 

Mark smiled again and rested his head on top of hers.

The two of them shared a comfortable silence together while the concert continued.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It took Gloria for-fucking-ever to find Launchpad despite him being in the exact same area they were in when they crashed. Gloria literally had to make a taxi driver drive all over the desert, to a certain extent, before she found the crash site. In her defense, everything in the desert looked the same outside of the city.

“Oh hey, Ms. G! What’s up?!” He stood up straight and wiped sweat off of his forehead. The part of the airplane he was currently repairing fell off behind him but he paid it no mind. 

She spent way too much time looking for this idiot so she wasn’t in the best mood to deal with him. “Hey, Launchpad, listen when is the plane going to be fixed? Do you know how many more days it’ll take?”

He gave her a thumbs up. “For sure! Only two more days!” Another part of the plane fell off. “Only three more days!” 

Gloria sighed. “Alright. I may need more time in Vegas than just three more days, though. There’s a lot going on at the moment and I’ll need a while to sort it all out.”

Launchpad patted her back, knocking her into the sand. “That’s no problem, Ms. G! It’s not required that you tag along!” He didn’t bother helping her back up because he was too stupid to notice she even fell; instead he went back to working on the plane. 

Gloria scoffed, got up, and dusted herself off. “What?! So your plan is to leave in three days either with or without me?! What the fuck?!” She couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just wait a few more days but there are a lot of things about Launchpad that she couldn’t understand.

“Yep!” He gave literally no explanation. 

If Launchpad wasn’t her only way back to Duckburg, she would’ve decked him in the face right there and then. She scoffed again, muttering a string of swear words under her breath before replying to him. “Alright. Thanks for your help, I guess.” Her tone was sarcastic but she knew by now that Launchpad wouldn’t pick up on it. She would text in the Anti Gyro Groupchat and Gyro himself the update that Launchpad just gave her, but there isn’t any signal in the desert. At least not where Launchpad crashed the plane. She would just have to wait to tell everyone when she got back into the city.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“Thanks for the good time, babe.” 

Mia smiled and gave him another kiss on the cheek, adding to the many marks. “No problem. I’ll... see you next week.” Hopefully she wouldn’t. She shoved the money into her purse and exited the hotel room to meet with Gloria who was waiting a few doors down. 

She walked over as discreetly as she could, looking around to see if anyone was watching. “Thank you for waiting… that man,” She pointed to the hotel room she just came out of. “His name is Richard. He knows everything… you need to know about Mr. C. Including the… hotel room he’s staying at.” 

It was a bad time to be thinking about such a thing, but Gloria couldn’t help but notice that Mia had continued to speak slowly and take breaks between sentences throughout the conversation, just as she had the other day. Gloria assumed it was because Mia was scared, but now it was obvious that Vegas had done that to her. That only made Gloria feel worse about everything. 

“Here.” Mia took out a roomkey and held it out for her. “He… picks the same suite every week. So I… have a copy.” 

Gloria took the roomkey from Mia. She smiled at her. “Okay, thank you, Mia. Like I said, I’ll take care of everything. I don’t think Gyro is in our hotel room at the moment so if you want you can go in there and take a shower and just hang out, you can. I’ll be back in there shortly.” Gloria wasn’t going to admit this to Mia, but she was actually really excited to scare and beat the shit out of this Richard guy. That pervert needed to be taught a lesson and Gloria was going to be his mother fucking teacher.

Mia smiled and gave Gloria another hug. “...thank you so much.” She released her quickly, even before Gloria could hug back. “I will take you up on that offer… to shower and such.” 

“Okay! I don’t think it will take me that long to deal with this guy so I’ll be back in the hotel room shortly. Is there anything else I need to know about him before I go in there?”

She shook her head. “...no… he doesn’t have any weapons. I checked… while he was in the bathroom.” 

Gloria smiled again. That just made her job a lot easier! “Alright! I’ll be back.” That was Mia’s signal to leave.

Mia nodded and left to go back to Gloria and Gyro’s hotel room.

She watched her leave before turning towards Richard’s hotel room. Gloria took out her trusty pocket knife and opened his door. She quickly slammed and locked it behind her using the latch at the top of the door. Just in case he had any thoughts about running away.

“Hey, Richard, you fucking bastard!” There was no way that he could have known Gloria, so the fact that she knew his name and came into his room with ease had better scared the living shit out of him. That was Gloria’s intention at least.

He looked up from scrolling on his phone on the bed, eating a KitKat without breaking it apart like a goddamn monster. “What’s up?” He wasn’t even fazed which pissed Gloria off even more. 

She stomped over where he was sitting and ripped the Kit Kit out of his hand and pointed her now open pocket knife directly in his face. “Tell me everything that you know about this Mr. C prick! Now!”

Richard’s first reaction was to frown. “Man, that was my last KitKat.” When he finally processed Gloria was about to stab him, he put his hands up. “Okay, damn! What do you need to know?!” 

Gloria pointed her knife closer to his face. “First you’re going to tell me who exactly this guy is, then you’re going to tell me where I can find him. I know that he’s here in Vegas right now.” This guy seemed to be taking this whole interrogation thing pretty well. Gloria might actually get everything that she needs from this guy without drawing blood which would be a nice change of pace.

“Okay okay! All I know is that he’s a successful businessman. He’s in charge of a lot of things like the black market Edible Goldfish business in the Carribean, he schedules Jimmy Buffett’s concerts, he owns the entire Margaritaville restaurant chain, and he looks after every single sex worker in the city. There’s probably more he’s in charge of but that’s all I know. Everywhere you go, he probably owns something and he has eyes everywhere. I promise I’m not one of them!” He was now visibly shaking. The longer Gloria pointed the knife at him, the faster his heart pounded. Dude’s chest was about to explode. “He’s staying at that Paris themed hotel! I forgot the actual name but he’s in one of the penthouses. I believe the room number is 2051! I was there the other day to deliver money to him! He also has four guards staying with him so if you’re going to approach him, you’ll need help!” 

She glared at him “And there isn’t anything else that you’re keeping from me, right?! You’ve told me all that you know?” Now the pocket knife was right in between his eyes, with the tip of the knife touching his face.

He made heavy eye contact with her, trying his best not to look at the knife or scream for Mia to come back and help him out for more money. “That’s all I know, I swear! But the dude is really smart so you need to be careful! He’s killed a lot of people by himself, some being my friends who delivered money one minute late!” 

She stared at him for a moment, keeping the knife on him. When Gloria could tell that he said everything he could, her tone shifted to be more upbeat and relaxed. She smiled and pulled the knife off of him. “Okay great! Thanks for making my job easy for me, Richard!” She walked over to the KitKat that was laying on the floor and picked it up for him, tossing it on his bed. “Here ya go!” She put her pocket knife away and back into her pocket.

He didn’t say anything in return. He just kept his hands up and nodded. 

“But you’re not off the hook that easily.” She grabbed him by his shirt collar and gave him a death glare. “I don’t want you to ever speak to or see Mia again. Got it?! Instead, you’re going to talk to everyone who is her higher up and tell them that she doesn’t work for them anymore. You’re also going to erase her records of her ever working here in Vegas. I’ll know if you are successful in doing this. Don’t you fucking dare make me come back here, Richard. I’ll spare you this time but if you don’t do exactly as I say, you would’ve wished that you were never even born! Have I made myself fucking clear to you, bitch?!” Gloria raised her free arm up and balled her hand into a fist like she was ready to punch him. 

Richard wanted to talk back, tell her she was fucking insane for thinking he would do any of that. Talking to Mia’s higher ups was a death wish, but he flinched when Gloria bawled her fist. He could tell by the look in her eye that she meant everything she had said. She would come back and kill him because she had blood on her hands. He could tell.

He gulped and nodded again. “Y-you made yourself very clear.” 

Gloria let him go. “Fantastic!” She grabbed his KitKat again and threw it at his face before unlocking the door and opening it. She turned around to look at Richard again. “Oh, you’re also a fucking idiot for eating a KitKat that way. Fuck you.” Gloria didn’t wait to hear his response. She slammed the door behind her and started to walk back to her hotel room.

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	52. Mr. C

The fifth Bellagio Fountains show began for the day. Maybe it was the fifth? Mark lost count because they had been standing there for goddamn HOURS. 

He would’ve left Ellie to do whatever the fuck she had going on with those fountains if it wasn’t for the fact she looked horrified when he said he was going to leave. He couldn’t wrap his head around why that was but he honestly gave no shits about anything and just shrugged it off. His phone could keep him occupied enough until she was done watching water dance to classical music. 

Mark was playing ‘Kim Kardashian: Hollywood’ when his vision started going hazy again. Oh hell no. It was that weird ass dream bullshit again, wasn’t it?!

Sure enough it was. He didn’t know where he was but the image of a Waddle flash drive in his hand was very clear. That was the only thing he could see until the image changed, giving him a massive headache on impact. 

Now the image was even clearer, but he was somewhere else. The flash drive was gone. 

The horrifying thing was… it felt so real. It was nothing like his vision yesterday. The texture of the brick wall he was leaning on was very present, and he could feel the vibration of the Electronic Dance music on the other side. Across the street, strobe lights reflected off of empty store windows, confirming his theory. He was at a rave. 

He turned to see a woman beside him. Who she was? He had no fucking clue. But she had a dank ass eyebrow piercing so that’s lit. 

She suddenly turned to him and scoffed. Mark would’ve flinched if he was able to move. 

“Dude, really? You’re a billionaire and could get any chick you want and you program a robot? I dunno what to tell you, dude. If you want to force a robot to date you that’s kinda fucked but that’s not my business. Nothing is my business.” She looked away from him and took out a cigarette. “Why’d you do it?”

Another voice chimed in and took him a second to realize it was him speaking.

“Well Ellie and I were already kind of a thing before she was destroyed so when I had to rebuild her I figured that the extra programming wouldn’t hurt anything. We got in fights and we made up every time so I’d say it worked. She just seems more… defiant lately? I really don’t want to lose her.”

“Okay. That is so many levels of fucked and I don’t even know where to start. But I’ll start with this. 1) you’re dating an object and 2) If you were the one who built her then aren’t you her dad or something…?”

Mark was taken aback, his dream state self and his real self. “I- shit. I mean… no? But. Nah, dude we don’t call it that. Look, this is what happened so yeah.”

“Mark?” A hand waved in front of his face. “Are you alright?” 

It was Ellie and when she moved her hand away the sun hit his face, making him cringe. Man, where was his Gucci sunglasses when he needed them most?!

He blinked a couple of times to get his eyes adjusted to the light and coming back to reality from his second flashback. “Yeah yeah I think so? I dunno I had one of those weird ass visions again? Like the one I had when we were listening to old people music. But this one was longer.” Mark realized that was starting to ramble but he kept going anyways to say all of his thoughts out loud just in case he forgot. “I was talking to this girl about you? Then there was a rave and a flashdrive?… It’s all so freaky.”

Ellie didn’t know what to say. That statement gave her zero information of what his flashback was even about. “Do you wish to speak of it?” She hoped he said yes. She needed to know what he remembered or if it was anything important. 

“Okay so first it started with a flashdrive from Waddle, then it left, then I started talking to a woman I’ve never met before. We were talking about you and, here’s the crazy part, that I like, built you or something? I don’t know what any of this means, dude. It’s like I’m having a bad trip but without any acid.”

The silence Ellie gave him in return was very unsettling; the only saving grace was the sound of water and classical music in the background.

When she did speak up, her voice was hushed like it was in the theatre the previous night, like she didn’t want anyone to overhear.

“Do you believe it?” She said. “Do you think what you saw… happened?” The question was very ominous and Mark had no idea if she was serious or not. It didn’t help that she spoke monotone all the time. 

He scratched the back of his head. “I meeeeeeeaaannnn maybe? It felt real and it was like a memory but I don’t remember anything like that happening so I’m not sure. Like I said, bad acid trip.” He continued. “Why do you ask? Is it something that I should believe?”

Her expression was unreadable, but he could tell she was studying him which only made the entire situation even more unsettling. 

Eventually she turned her attention back to the fountains. “No.” Was all she said, but her voice remained hushed. 

Ellie wasn’t completely sure why that was the answer she gave him, but she dumbed it down to that he wasn’t ready to know; not from her. It was better if it was all on him. He could either accept it or deny it now. 

He wasn’t buying it. If these flashbacks were a one time thing he would drop it, but so far he had had two and both were centered around Ellie. “Be honest, do you know something that I don’t about these weird acid trips I'm having?” He didn’t know any better word for these occurrences, so he decided on ‘acid trips’ as the nickname.

“Yes.”

Her answers were very simple and it was starting to piss Mark off. 

“So what, you just weren’t gonna tell me?! What is it exactly and why are all of them about you?!” He raised his voice at her, causing some people to turn and stare for a moment.

“They are about me because you already know me!” She yelled back. More people were staring but she didn’t give a shit anymore. “You forgot everything because you sacrificed yourself for me like some- some dull-witted idiot when I told you not to do that! But you did it anyway and now we are here, in the worst city in the world, and you do not even know who I am!” 

Ellie told herself time and time again not to snap at this version of Mark but she couldn’t help it. Her emotions were always unstable, even when she wasn’t in a dire situation. Maybe Ms. Kris would be a good option again when Ellie got back to Duckburg, even if the woman was a judgemental bitch but whatever. 

“What?! That doesn’t even make sense! And even if I did lose my memories like that then how come you didn’t tell me about that earlier when I was still in the hospital?!” Mark was starting to get creepy fan vibes from Ellie now but he wasn’t about to accuse her of that just yet.

“I did tell you everything at the hospital! I told you that I am your wife! But you did not believe me! You believed it to be a foolish prank!” She took a step back because she knew she was playing with fire. “If you want an explanation for the flashbacks then that is it!” 

Mark threw his hands up in the air in frustration.“Where’s your proof?! You can’t just claim that you’re my wife when I literally have only known you for a few days without any proof!”

“Your flashbacks! The flashbacks are the proof! Goodness! Why are you such a simpleton?!” 

“Heyyyyyyyy! How’s it going, bitches!” Gloria yelled at Ellie and Mark. Both of them were in such a heated argument that neither one saw her come up. As soon as Gloria got closer to them did she realize that it wasn’t a great time to be bothering them. “Is everything good, Ellie?” Gloria said in her normal accent. It totally slipped her mind that she was supposed to be from Jersey when around Mark.

Ellie gave her a terrified look before looking back at Mark. Based on the expression on his face it was too late to come up with an excuse.

She reached a hand out, dropping her own accent. “Mark, I can explain.” 

“FREAKS! BOTH OF YOU ARE FREAKS!” Mark huffed and took out his phone again to write something really nasty about Ellie before stomping away. “Stay away from me, Ellie!” Mark yelled that while he proceeded to walk back to his hotel.

Gloria watched Mark leave before turning her attention back to Ellie. “Shit, Ellie, I am so sorry that I blew the whole dating show for you guys. I totally forgot about that.”

Ellie sighed and shook her head before turning back to Gloria. “It is fine. He was upset with me anyway. I could tell the outcome was going to lead to him storming off no matter what, whether you showed up or not. No need to worry.” She said. 

She turned to look back at Mark one more time, deciding it would be best to let him cool down before she attempted to speak with him again, because, no, she wasn’t going to stay away from him.

“Anyway, what is it you need? You seem distressed.” 

“Yeah I kind of need to kill a guy before we leave Vegas and I knew you were the right girl to talk to about that! Launchpad said that we only have two days left before the plane is fixed so we have a deadline.” Gloria realized that she made a pun using the word “deadline” but refused to laugh at it. This was no laughing matter. Bitches need to be serious every once in a while.

Ellie robotically laughed at the pun for her. Or maybe she was laughing because she got to kill someone? It was probably the latter. “Alright. I will assist you.” She didn’t even ask for any information, though she assumed Gloria would deliver the details anyway. 

“Okay great! Girls’ trip!” Gloria started walking in the direction of Mr. C’s hotel with Ellie walking beside her. “So the plan is that we go in, kill this Mr. C guy and get out as soon as possible. Apparently he’s super dangerous so we need to be extra careful. I was told that he will have bodyguards patrolling his door so we may have to take them out as well. I kind of have a plan on how we can sneak past his bodyguards though and you’re not gonna like it...”

____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro paced around the hotel, frantically, looking for Gloria. Though, his eyes checked his phone every few seconds to see if she responded and he was met with disappointment every single time. 

He not only looked for Gloria, but Mia and Ellie as well. There was a chance either of them knew where she was. Or maybe Gloria was with one of them.

A figure suddenly bumped into him and Gyro squawked like the pussy he was. To be fair, he almost fell into the fake canal but whatever. 

“HEY! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!” 

Mark scowled back at Gyro, not saying anything in return, but he was clearly fuming. Gyro gave no shits about how aggressive he looked. Mark was a twink too. 

“Oh… it’s just you.” Gyro bit. 

Mark pointed his finger at Gyro’s chest “What’s your fucking deal, dude?! Are you trying to start a fight with me?! I’m pretty fucking pissed so swing first, bitch!” Mark was all talk. He was seriously acting like he was going to fight Gyro but he was just standing there screaming at him. 

Gyro wasn’t intimidated, he just rolled his eyes before proceeding to wipe Mark’s spit off of his face. “What got your panties in a twist?” 

Mark took his finger off of Gyro and threw his hands up in the air again. “I can’t even fucking believe it! So apparently I lost a shit ton of my memories and I’m not actually on 90 Day Fiancé!”

“Oh good. You figured it out.” The response was very sarcastic. 

“WHAT THE FUCK?! SO EVERYONE HAS BEEN KEEPING THIS FROM ME?! GOD DAMNIT!” Mark started to throw a mini temper tantrum in public. How Miss Glamour managed to raise him is beyond anyone’s comprehension. 

“Do you have anything else to say or can I just leave because I’m sort of busy.” 

“Yes as a matter of fact, I do!” Mark really didn’t want to talk to Gyro but he did so anyways because he knew how much it would upset him. “So, you know Ellie right? Well not only did she fake the whole reality show thing but she also was keeping my lost memories a secret from me?! Well, I don’t know if they were memories or not. She said that they were but they just felt like acid trips but without acid, ya feel me?”

Gyro didn’t respond.

“So anyways I keep having these “flashbacks” or whatever…” The “flashbacks” were said in a mocking manner with Mark also using the quotation gesture to further his point. “And they are all of Ellie! So I asked her like “Yo, wtf is up with that?” and she was all like “I’m your wife, fool!” and I’m just standing there like “ummm no! I think I would remember if I was married or not!” God!”

Gyro scoffed and backed up because Mark was getting all up in his face. He made sure to adjust his Banana Republic shirt too, for the extra flare. “Well, she is your wife, fool.” ‘Fool’ was said in quotations as well to mock Mark. 

“O-M-GGGGGGGG! So you were in on the whole show scam thing too, weren’t you?! What the hell is wrong with you people?! Everyone acted like they were on this show and for what?!” Before Mark encountered Gyro, he had already deleted any and all posts he made about him being on the show. To say that he was embarrassed was an understatement. Everyone and their grandma was ready to watch him on TV!

The first response was Gyro gesturing to him wildly. “Because then this would happen! You would go all wacko! It was best to let you remember on your own!”

“THIS IS BULLSHIT!” He kicked an empty beer can that was lying around into the fake water canal in anger. “So how did I lose my memories then?!” Ellie mentioned to him that he lost his memories in an idiotic way so for Mark that could be literally anything.

Okay, now this was getting really awkward for Gyro. He wasn’t very fond of that memory. Or any of the memories regarding the past month. “Do you, uh, really want to know?” It was a stupid question but he hoped Mark would back out.

“Uh, yeah, I really want to know!” Mark started mocking Gyro again.

Gyro put his hands up because for a second he actually thought Mark was going to punch him. “Chill out!” He backed up just a little bit to give the two some more space before he sighed. “It’s a long story so I’m going to shorten it up and dumb it down for you since you have such a small brain.” He squeezed two of his fingers together so it looked like Mark’s head fit into it from a distance. “Me, you, Ellie. We kidnapped. Bad guy want to kill Ellie. You say ‘Nooo don’t do!’, Ellie say ‘Noooo yes do!’ But bad guy pick you.” He then made a finger gun and shot Mark. “Pew pew! Dead. Understand?” 

Mark shoved Gyro but he hardly stumbled. “Fuck you, Gyro!” Mark was now mad over several things: The fact that Ellie lied to him, finding out he lost his memories, Gyro calling him stupid and last but not least Gyro saying “pew pew”. That was Mark Beak’s catchphrase! If there was any more bad news to report, Mark would’ve exploded. “I fucking hate you! Ugh!” He couldn’t come up with anything better to say. He felt like he heard enough, especially from Gyro. Mark stomped away again and started to go back to his hotel room to scream into a pillow and live stream to finish ranting.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gloria and Ellie stood outside of 2051. The apparent hotel room of the infamous “Mr. C”.

The both had their purses on them, ya know, to carry an array of weapons. Knives, guns, you get the idea. 

Ellie sighed and looked over at Gloria before she was going to knock. “This idea is ridiculous. I hope you are aware.” She said. “And you are doing all the talking.” 

Gloria nodded “Yep! Just don’t say anything.” She knocked on the door and waited for his bodyguards to answer the door. The plan was to get in, pretending to be Mr. C’s prostitutes that he hired, and go into his room to kill him. It wouldn’t work though if Gloria and Ellie didn’t get a headcount of all four bodyguards there.

“What do you want?” A large pelican answered the door, a very large pelican. He could crush both of their throats with two of his fingers. He was dressed in all black, like a secret agent, sunglasses and all. How cliche. 

Sure enough, the three other very large body guards, all different birds but no one gives a shit, stood behind him. It made it impossible to enter the room without permission

Ellie quickly scanned them to get a weapon count. Yep… they had a shit load. Each man had more weapons than both of them combined. Separately. If these dudes caught onto their lie, they would be fucked. 

“Hey, sexy, we’re here to see Mr. C. Is he home?” Gloria batted her eyelashes and smiled. 

Ellie gave Gloria a look. 

So did the pelican.

“Excuse me?!” 

Gloria rolled her eyes. “We’re the prostitutes he ordered.” Gloria just assumed that these guys had to deal with prostitutes knocking on the door all the time. Maybe she just wasn’t playing the part right? Whatever.

The pelican looked at the other dudes behind him and they all shrugged unanimously. He grunted in annoyance before turning back to the two of them. He eyed them up and down curiously. “Mr. C didn’t tell us about any prostitutes. And… neither of you are even close to his type.” 

“We’re kinda new to the whole game and he mentioned that he wanted to try something different tonight.” At this point, Gloria wasn’t even scared of them, she was just annoyed about how long it was taking for them to get through the door.

A guard in the very back raised his hand. “Uhhh… are you two free after this?” 

She was really starting to get tired of this bullshit but she had to keep playing the part. Gloria tapped her cheek like she was thinking. “Hmmmmm… yeah I guess so!” Uh oh. Hopefully that didn’t create a future problem for them. Whatever I guess. 

Ellie shot Gloria another look.

The pelican guy, who both Ellie and Gloria assumed was in charge of the other three, shrugged. “Alright. Mr. C is in his office. Down the hall to the left. Last door.”

Why was there an office in a penthouse? Because plot so fuck you. 

Ellie nodded. “Thank you, kind sir.” 

She literally pushed that man out of the fucking way, leading Gloria through the four of them, which was quite the challenge. Damn. They could’ve shown more courtesy and stepped out of the way. But, to be honest, Ellie just probably shocked them with her sudden aggression. 

The door that the pelican was talking about was wooden and had “MR. C” carved into it. Huh. Maybe he owned the penthouse? Whatever. 

Ellie looked at Gloria, shrugged, and knocked. 

“Enter.” A deep voice came from the other side of the door.

Ellie opened the door for the two of them and shut it behind them quickly. 

They couldn’t see who was sitting at the desk. There was that big cliche evil desk chair that was facing the wrong way, making it impossible for you to see him.

There was a slow and dramatic turn on the chair that revealed Mr. C.

Ellie was able to see him first. She snarled, looked at Gloria, and then back at Mr. C. “Kyle?”

Don’t remember Kyle? 

Well, if you read act 2, he was Ellie’s cockroach child at Camp Godgold. She ended up killing him when she adopted Boyd, seeing no need to keep Kyle as a child when she had a real one. 

That’s right. Kyle was a fucking cockroach. C stood for cockroach. Kyle Cockroach. And now he could talk and act like a person for some reason?

Ellie approached the desk. “Kyle. I thought you were dead. What happened?” 

“Hello, mother.” Kyle was quite surprised to see Ellie after all this time but played it cool. He was sitting on a large evil chair but the chair had stacks of books piled on the seat cushion with a smaller evil chair more his size. He was puffing on a small cockroach size cigar. “Why have you come here? To apologize for your sins? To apologize for being a shitty mother who attempted to kill her own son?”

Being called a shitty mother would’ve gotten to her, but she couldn’t take it seriously. Not when it was coming from a cockroach in a tiny chair. 

She bursted out laughing and pointed to him in a fit. “Goodness!” She could barely talk. “What are you even doing? Trying to be a villain? Hahahahaha! That is the best thing I have ever heard in my life! And you own a prostitute business! What do you do? Have intercourse with large female organics? Do you crawl up into their uterus?” She bent over and almost fell on the floor.

Gloria had never seen Ellie so amused in her life. 

Ellie stood up again, in an attempt to pull herself together. “Alright, alright. I apologize. No. We are here to kill you. But I am not sure if I want to anymore. Look at you. All evil. I am so proud.” She put her hands on the desk to study him. “Do not get me wrong, I do not want you back. You are quite… disturbing. Being able to talk and act like you have somewhat of an IQ. Hmmm.” She waved him off. “Needless to say. We would like you to let Gloria’s friend, Mia, go. That is all. Then we will be on our way and you can go crawl up another uterus.” Damn. Ellie really couldn't let that go. 

Kyle stomped out his cigar on the side of his tiny chair and flicked it away. Now he was pissed. “You think you’re really fucking hilarious, don’t you, mother?” He got up from his chair, down the stack of books and onto the large desk in front of them to get closer. “Yes, sure, have your laughs but I hope you’re aware that you’re the monster who made me this way! You cared for me like I was your son only for you to throw me away and squash me like I was some kind of bug! You bitch!” Kyle raised his voice with each passing sentence.

He scurried his way down the side of the desk and onto the floor. He stood up again and continued his evil monologue. “No matter though… You’ll pay for everything that you have done to me soon enough! Perhaps you haven’t heard of my success after the camp, right? Well… after you abandoned me in that hellish camp, I survived. Barely. I was cold and alone but I nursed myself back to health, hungry for vengeance. Once the dictatorship fell and the camp was no longer in use, I traveled my way through Florida. I had to do some dirty work along the way. Things that a mother wouldn’t be proud of finding out that their little boy was mixed up in. I worked- no, climbed my way to the top of the food chain. If there was a bigger predator in my way? I would kill them and take their place. Soon, I will be the biggest predator and I am nearly there! Being in charge of prostitutes and other businesses here and there is merely child’s play compared to the plans I have for myself in the future. I found out that you and my dear father, Mark, live in a place called Duckburg. Oh yes, I know. I started in Florida and I am making my way to California, sweeping across the entire damn country to slowly make my way to you. There will be no place for you to hide. There will be no one who will come to rescue you. I will ma-”

Gloria had enough. She just squashed Kyle under her Duck Martin boots. The room was now silent now that Kyle was unable to finish his monologue. She looked over at Ellie and shrugged. “So you wanna head back to the hotel now or what?”

“Step on him a few more times.” Ellie was still laughing her ass off. 

Gloria did what she asked and stomped on Kyle’s body several times.

From the other room, Kyle’s bodyguards would only assume that the constant thumping was… something else.

After Gloria was sure that he was dead, and Ellie’s laugh had died down, they left his office. They walked past his guards without so much a glance for fear that they may get caught. They didn’t. The only guard that cared was the one that asked if they were going to be free afterwards. He was pretty sad.

Within Kyle’s office, his squashed, bloodied body, repaired itself instantly. He stood up, cracking his neck and scowling. “Watch out, mother. Now you’ve done it. And now you too, Aunt Gloria.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	53. Launchpad Dies Again

After Mark had his temper tantrum in his room, slept, and then had another temper tantrum, he finally decided that he needed the hard evidence that he really did lose his memories. He jumped on his bed and opened up Twitter and started to scroll through his profile. Swiping through hundreds of tweets that he had made in the past few days, hoping he could find something older that may help him.

This is Mark Beaks we’re talking about so it took him a while but he finally found what he was looking for. There was a photo that he posted of him and Ellie together with the caption talking about their recent engagement. She was telling the truth.

He stared at the picture for a minute. They looked happy together. He kept looking at the date on the corner of the post and sure enough it was posted weeks ago.

He kept scrolling, looking for more proof.

There was another photo of him and Ellie together but this time there was a kid with them that looked just like Mark. He remembered Boyd from Doofus Drake’s awful birthday party but that was about it. He kept scrolling. More Boyd pictures.

He stopped at this one photo taken in Florida. It was of him, Ellie and Boyd all wearing matching Hawaiian print shirts. He remembered this! He remembered that the photo was taken at the beach right before they left to get Boyd ice cream. It was a sunny day. He was complaining about the heat like a little bitch. Well, he didn’t think he was a little bitch but whatever. 

Mark started to remember Florida. He remembered Boyd and Ellie and how there was something to do with a falling out on his behalf. He traced those negative feelings back to the cruise. There were still lots of empty patches here and there but he was starting to remember the timeline. There were so many events that he lost: Agartha, Camp GodGold, his mother’s house, Steelbeak, the cruise, Tampa, Savannah, Cincinnati, it was all coming back to him now.

With no one around, he didn’t hold back his tears. All of the grief and memories that he lost all came flooding back in an instant. It was almost too much to handle. He went through so much in the past year.

The more he looked back, the more he remembered. He would get random flashbacks here and there from different adventures but he was able to pinpoint when exactly they happened. He kept scrolling through his photos. More photos with different backgrounds behind him. Each one sparked another memory. With his vision starting to blur from all the tears, he wiped them away with his sleeve so he could continue to look.

Mark sat on his bed for a solid hour, just scrolling through old photos and wiping away his tears. The entire hotel room was silent with the exception of Mark’s occasional sniffling. When he felt like he’d seen enough he stuffed his phone in his pocket and got up from his bed. He flung open his hotel door and ran to find Ellie. 

He stopped and practically slammed the palm of his hand on his forehead. It was fucking 3 AM. He didn’t need to go running around like an idiot, she would just be down the hall in her own hotel room.

Mark literally just walked a few doors down, taking him less than fifteen seconds, and lightly knocked. 

If she wasn’t in her hotel room at this time he had no fucking idea where she would be. Maybe with Gyro and Gloria? Ew. Gyro. Yeah recalling all the adventures with him tagging along wasn’t all that great. At least he wasn’t in Agartha cuz, like, damn.

After a minute he knocked again, starting to get worried, but that didn’t last long because the door unlocked and slowly opened after the third time he ‘politely’ pounded on the door. 

It was obvious he had just woken her up from her shut down state because her hair was a mess and she looked a little dazed and out of it. Not that robots could get tired but she was still waking up, or ‘powering on’, however that weird shit worked. 

She rubbed one of her eyes before looking up at him. “Hm?”

Mark smiled and immediately pulled her into a tight hug while also jumping up and down from excitement. “Ellie! I got my memories back! I remember everything!” He pulled away from the hug to kiss her forehead. “Ellie, oh my god I am so sorry I was such a dick to you these past few days, but I’m back now!” Mark spread his arms out to further his point. “Look, look, ask me any question and I’ll answer it! Quiz me!” All of his built up energy was a lot for someone to take at 3 in the morning, robot or not.

It did indeed take Ellie a moment to process all of that. She eventually shook her head and brought him into another tight hug. “I do not need to quiz you, you idiot.” She was practically sobbing already but she refused to let go of him. “I was so scared I was never going to get you back. I really believed I was going to lose you.” 

A random hotel guest walked out of his room with an ice bucket, he looked over at Ellie sobbing and slowly backed into his hotel room again. He was not going to accidentally interrupt whatever was going down in the hallway at 3 AM. 

“I should apologize too. I was horrible to you. I- I lied to you about the 90 Day Fiancé because… because I was afraid you were going to leave otherwise. And I told myself I would not be mean to you because it was not your fault you lost all your memories but I started yelling at you anyway. I did not help the situation at all.” 

Mark rubbed her back while she continued to cry. He was too overjoyed with the fact that he got his memories back that he couldn’t be upset over anything that Ellie was telling him. “Hey, It’s alright! You did what you thought was right and it all worked out in the end! I got my memories back and now everything is great! If it wasn’t 3 AM I would totes take you out to celebrate but I don’t think anything is open.” There probably was something open at 3 AM considering that it’s Vegas but Mark wasn’t about to open Yelp and find out at the moment. “But anyways, now that my memories are back we can go back to our normal, bougie, lives again! We’re still married right? That hasn’t changed?” He assumed that it hadn’t changed but he was literally shot in the head two minutes after his wedding was officiated sooooo...

He could feel her nod, despite not being able to see her face. “Yes, we are still married.” She smiled, but then she paused. “Mark… this is Las Vegas. Everything is open at three ante meridian.” Now wasn’t the time, but Ellie really had to point that out, even through sniffles. The statement was too stupid for her to not address.

She let him go and studied his face, lifting her hand up to stroke his cheek. Her eyes drifted to the scar on his forehead that was still healing. She frowned. She had refused to let herself look at it the past few days but it was still pretty awful looking. It was surprising that Mark hadn’t thrown a fit over it, probably because he would get pity followers on Twitter. 

Ellie moved her hand to trace her thumb over the scar on his forehead, he flinched and she removed her hand immediately, softening her eyes. “Why did you do that, Mark?” The answer was obvious but she needed to ask. “You should not have. You were so close to dying. What… what was I supposed to do without you?” She hugged him for a third time. “Your life is so fragile and you just threw it away without a second thought. How was I supposed to move on?” Her sobbing had ceased but she was still lightly crying. “I know everything worked out but it was not worth the risk, Mark. Do not do that ever again. Promise me you will not. I know you could have moved on if you needed to.” 

Mark laughed but he started to get tears in his eyes again from Ellie’s words. She wasn’t able to see him though. “There was no way I could have moved on from you, queen! You know that. And I promise to never do something like that again. We’ll be home again so we won’t have to worry about gangs or any other crazy shit. We’ll chill at Waddle and throw random dance parties every day! Just you, me, and Boyd!” 

Ellie’s metaphorical heart sank and she scrunched up the back of Mark’s shirt between her fingers. She didn’t even get the opportunity o call him a hero or thank him for saving her like she had done in the hospital because there was another huge issue to tackle. She started trembling and Mark didn’t get the chance to feel it because she let go of him immediately. Though, when she looked up at him he picked up on it. That and she was distressed. 

“We… we should stop standing in the hallway.” She opened the door back up and stepped out of the way for him to enter. 

He frowned and his heart started to race. Either something just happened or not all of his memories were back. Both were terrible outcomes. He walked into Ellie’s hotel room and closed the door behind him. “What’s up?”

“Do you remember when I told you that Boyd hated me? How he called me a terrible mother? Back in Savannah.” She continued to sniffle, but her cries weren’t as relieved as they were previously when she was hugging him. 

He nodded. “Yeah, I remember.” He looked around the room and noticed that he wasn’t there. Nor was any of his stuff. His first thought was that Boyd was staying with Gyro and Gloria but now he was having second thoughts.

Ellie sat down on her bed and looked away from him, wringing her hands together. “It makes sense if he hates us, Mark. We are not good people. I have said that before and I still stand by that.” She said. “But, when he was rebuilt, when you were in your coma, I assumed he was simply going to be living with Gyro and Gloria.” That statement was followed by a pause and a shake of her head. “He… he hates us all, Mark. As soon as he woke up he started yelling and screaming.” She started to tremble more, as well as her voice. “He called all of us murderers. He believes we are all villains. Even Gyro. So he ran away.” 

Mark wasn’t able to respond because she kept talking, quickly, so she could get spitting everything out over with. 

“We searched all of Cincinnati for days but he was nowhere. None of us have any idea where he went but we can only hope he is back in Duckburg. We do not even know if he is safe. Something could have happened to him!” She started freaking out. “And- and if we do find him, I do not know how we will be able to convince him to stay with Gyro. Maybe the McDuck family will take him in but…” 

She hugged herself.

“But he despises me. I failed. I should have never tried to be a mother to begin with. I am not capable of doing such a feat, but I did anyway and I messed everything up. I know it was me who triggered him to run away. I was the one who set him off. Whether he hates the rest of you or not, I could have prevented this if I just…” Ellie didn’t know what she was trying to say anymore so she stopped there. 

Mark sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder while he stared at the floor. He was at a loss for words. On top of all of his memories coming back to him, now the news about Boyd was added on top of that. “I’m sure Boyd is fine. He’s a smart kid.” He sighed. “I hope he’s in Duckburg too. I wouldn’t know where else he would run off to. We’ll look for him and I can even do this lost child post on my accounts so more people know to look for him.” Mark assumed that none of what he was saying was really any help but he had to try at the very least. 

She nodded her head again, though still having many doubts. But it wasn’t the time to worry Mark more than needed. Ellie said what she needed to say. 

She looked at him. “Will you stay with me tonight?” 

Mark looked back and smiled, still keeping his arm around her. “Yeah, of course.”

There was another pause because there are a lot of those in this fanfiction. We gotta keep it consistent. 

“Before I forget. Remember our cockroach son, Kyle, at Camp GodGold? Well, turns out he can talk now and owns a prostitute business among a heavy amount of others. He was making his way across the United States of America to seek vengeance on us but Gloria squished him.”

“What?” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Gyro was pacing back and forth in the room. He had searched the hotel, local bars, casinos, and there was nothing. Gloria wasn’t responding to any of his texts or calls. There was no way in hell he was going to get sleep. 

He had returned to the hotel room to check if she was back yet and when she wasn’t, he had decided to research places he thought she may have gone to. Which was a lot, because this was Las Vegas. 

But, it was also concerning because she hated this place. Why she would be out so long was a mystery. Something must’ve happened to her. Gyro knew it.

He was getting ready to leave again when there was a light knock on the door. Holy shit. He nearly tripped over his own clown feet before swinging the door open, heaving from only running across a very small room. 

It was Mia.

His face fell flat before he scowled at her. “Where is Gloria?”

She took a step back. The sudden aggression from Gyro was not what she was expecting. He seemed mighty tame during their last encounter. But it was also their first encounter so perhaps she was wrong. 

“U-um… I just wanted to know… if Gloria was here.” 

The way Mia spaced out her words and stumbled over them only irritated him more, even if she couldn’t help it. Gyro was just being a biased bitch. 

“Well, she isn’t! So fuck off!” 

She stood there for a second, touching her fingers together in a weird rhythm as she bit her bottom lip. “May I speak with you... for a moment?” Mia wasn’t going to admit it outloud, but she also came to the room to speak with Gyro as well. Not just with Gloria. 

“No.” He was about to close the door when she bolted her foot between the door and the wall. With the skanky boots she had on, it didn’t affect her. He scowled even more. “WHAT do you think you’re doing?! I said NO!” 

“Please… just let me say what I need to say and… I’ll leave you alone.” She continued “I… wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t important…”

He scoffed, followed by a roll of the eyes. “Fine. But stop your fucking mumbling and spit it out quickly.” He opened the door just wide enough for her to squeeze in before slamming it behind. He knew he shouldn’t be being so bitchy to her, especially after what she had been through and the fact she was a friend of Gloria’s, but when Gloria was ‘missing’ he wasn’t in the brightest mood. “Hurry up because I don’t want to be in the same room as a whore for long.” 

That last statement really surprised Mia. She really didn’t think he would be so rude to her and it made her wonder what Gloria saw in him to begin with. She swallowed, trying to prepare her speech without it coming off as “mumbling”. She squeezed her hands together. “You and I haven’t really met... so I’m not sure what your thoughts on me are but… I just want you to know that you shouldn’t worry about me and Gloria. I’m not in love with her anymore… we both have just changed so much as people. And… I do plan on leaving with everyone to go back to Duckburg… but as soon as I’m there I will be doing my own thing. I’ll be out of your hair.” She wanted to make it clear that Gyro would never have to see her again after Vegas just in case he was ready to throw another insult her way. “Gloria loves you... and I hope you didn’t view me as someone who would interfere with that. I’m sorry if that was the case and... I hope you’re not mad at her. She has done nothing wrong.”

To be honest, everything Mia said made Gyro feel guilty. As it should have.

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Alright, um…” He didn’t know what he wanted to say but he couldn’t just leave her hanging and then kick her out. “Thanks. I needed to hear that. I was just really paranoid after everything Gloria and I have been through so…” He trailed off for a moment. “I shouldn’t have blamed it on you or have doubted Gloria. Um… yeah. I believe you so…” 

Gyro planned on ending the conversation there but he needed to add something else.

“I’m sorry for calling you a… whore. You aren’t. If Gloria heard that she would beat me the hell up.” He let out a light laugh. “I just have an anger issue… that’s not an excuse but, ya know. You… can hang with Gloria any time you want back in Duckburg. I doubt you’ll want to be around me but I won’t be some possessive creep, okay?” 

Mia relaxed a bit now that Gyro had calmed down and gave a weak smile. “Okay, thank you... Also thank you again for... letting me tag along on your flight back to Duckburg…” Mia wasn’t sure if Gyro had any part in helping her get to Duckburg but she wasn’t about to ask. “Um… so I guess Gloria isn’t here… Do you know where she-”

“Gyro! You gotta try these new slushies that they’re selling across the street! This shit’s amazing!” Gloria just came through the door with a slushie in hand. It was something that she bought herself after killing Kyle. When she looked up and saw that both Gyro and Mia were there she stopped at the door with it closing behind her. “Oh, hey Mia! Didn’t realize you would be here, too. What’s up?” 

Gyro practically shit himself before running up and bringing her into a hug. “Where were you?! God, I was looking everywhere! I thought something happened!” 

He sounded pretty scared which surprised Gloria. He usually didn’t show any emotions but sass and PTSD side effects. 

Gloria hugged him back. She did feel pretty guilty about not texting him to let him know where she was. Especially after everything that they had just gone through, it wasn’t the smartest move. She didn’t want Gyro finding out about Mr. C until after he was killed, just in case he tried to stop her or get involved himself. Gloria didn’t want him to go through something traumatic again. Poor Gyro has gone through too much, she wanted to spare him the trouble. However he was bound to know sooner or later. “Just had a girl’s night with Ellie.” She let go of Gyro to look at Mia. “Girl’s night meaning that Ellie and I took care of Mr. C for you. I also made sure that Richard would erase your records. So you’re all set to leave!”

Gyro had no clue about anything Gloria was talking about.

Mia smiled and gave Gloria a quick hug as well. “Thank you so much, Gloria!...And please... give my thanks to Ellie as well.”

Gloria turned her attention back to Gyro and set her slushie down on the desk before crossing her arms. She was prepared for the freak out he was about to have.

“Ummmm…” Ummmm might as well have been Gyro’s catchphrase tonight. “What is Mia talking about, Gloria? What ‘girl’s night’? Who’s Mr. C?” A bad feeling dug down into his gut. He had a feeling he knew what went down and he was afraid to hear it. 

“Mr. C was the guy who was in charge of Mia to put it simply. He wouldn’t let her leave so I killed him. Ellie helped me out, too.” Gloria shrugged nonchalantly. Looking back on it, the entire showdown with Mr. C was pretty comical.

Gyro’s jaw dropped. “You- you killed a man?” He whispered. “After knowing that was the reason Boyd left?” 

Gyro wasn’t allowing himself to let Gloria know he was angry, he had flipped out on her enough in the past, but she probably knew he was holding it in underneath his hushed voice. 

Gloria felt guilty once Gyro brought up Boyd. “Well- yeah. I did. But you gotta understand, Mr. C was a-”

Mia cut her off before she could explain to the both of them that Mr. C was just Kyle, Ellie’s old cockroach son. “Mr. C... was a very dangerous person. He... ruled over more people and businesses than you might think. It’s a good thing that he’s dead…” She wanted to back Gloria up. The only time Mia had known Gyro was when he was yelling at her and she didn’t want him to do the same for Gloria. Especially since she told Gloria to kill Mr. C.

Gyro gave Mia a confused look, taking all of his attention off of Gloria. “...You were involved in this?” 

Mia nodded “Yes… I was the one who asked Gloria if she… would kill him… for me.”

“YOU ASKED HER TO KILL SOMEONE FOR YOU?! YOU DRAGGED GLORIA INTO YOUR CRIMES?!” He started pacing around the room again, trying to calm himself down, but obviously it wasn’t working very well. 

Homie needed to see that therapist Donald went to or some shit. 

Mia took a step back. She tensed up again and started to stutter over her words. “W-well i-it… was the only way… I-I could leave…”

It was Gloria’s turn to back Mia up now. Her voice was stern. “Gyro, don’t yell at her. I am capable of making my own decisions. Besides, Mr. C was only-”

Gyro lowered his voice again, trying to get some control back. “I know, I know. But you could’ve sent the killer robot to do it instead of yourself. Boyd’s never going to forgive Ellie, but you have a chance! Or had!” He started tugging at his hair. “You’ve done enough killing to affect your mental state, Gloria. The things you’ve gone through already give you nightmares. Ellie’s memories can just be erased but yours can’t. That murder is just going to be added on top of all of your other trauma. Ms. Kris can only help so much, especially since we can’t mention everything illegal we did. And continuously killing will only make it a habit! I- I don’t want you to actually become a villain! You’re a good person!”

Gloria held up her hands to try to get him to stop. This was starting to become a big misunderstanding. “I know, Gyro. Believe me, I don’t want any more trauma either… But Mr. C-”

Mia gave her a very shocked and sympathetic look. “Gloria?! Why didn’t you tell me all of those things… I-if I had known… I wouldn’t have asked you to do such a thing…”

“Mr. C was just Ky-”

Gyro held a hand up and turned to Mia again. “Okay okay. I really need to stop yelling at you because you didn’t know, but we can talk about this later.” He looked back at Gloria. “Listen, when we get back to Duckburg… maybe you and I should focus on getting help first before looking for Boyd. I’m sure Ellie wouldn’t mind taking the first searching shift.” That was saying a lot because Gyro really wanted to be the one to find Boyd. 

Gyro was right. The two of them really should go back to therapy as soon as possible. While Gloria would’ve agreed to that verbally, she realized that the entire conversation was going in the opposite direction. “MR. C WAS A COCKROACH!” She snapped at them. She didn’t want to raise her voice but she would’ve been talked over again if she didn’t.

Mia and Gyro stared at her so she continued.

“Mr. C, he was just a cockroach. The same cockroach that Ellie kind of adopted back at the camp. Not sure how he rose to that kind of power. He gave an entire evil monolouge and everything but I squished him with my boot before he could finish.” Gloria raised her foot up as a means of demonstration on how she killed him. “Ellie and I were in and out of there in 5 minutes and I had enough time to grab a slushie.”

Mia remained confused considering she wasn’t there during any of those events.

Gyro, on the other hand, knew exactly what Gloira was talking about… but also remained confused. 

“...What? So, you’re telling me, Kyle was Ellie’s cockroach son she obsessed over and Camp GodGold and then he somehow rose to some sort of power?”

Gloria nodded “Yeah. That Kyle. Apparently he’s been seeking revenge this whole time but who cares.” She looked at both Gyro and Mia. “So are you two okay now?” Gloria’s asking because they both had a pretty big freakout over nothing.

“Yeah…” Mia nodded. She felt a lot less guilty but that was sort of… wack. To think the boss that kept her chained down for so long was a fucking roach?

Gyro sighed. “Yeah. Okay. As weird as that is, I don’t even care anymore.” Their lives were just that insane. “I really need to go to be-”

Before Gyro could finish his sentence, there was a heavy knock at the door. 

Shit. Now there was something else to worry about. He gestured for Gloria and Mia to stand behind him, like his twink body could prevent anything from happening. 

He slowly unlocked the door, peeking his head out.

None other than, ya boi, Launchpad busted in. “PLANE!” He gave a large thumbs up and a clean, toothy smile. 

Gyro was seconds away from getting injured. Luckily his skinny little body was able to avoid being smashed against the wall from the door by hopping out of the way. He scoffed at Launchpad and adjusted his glasses. “What are you talking about, Launchpad?!” He spat.

Launchpad pointed to the window that was across the room. “PLANE!”

“I guess the plane is ready?” Gloria questioned what Launchpad’s one word response could be.

“Launchpad. Why are you talking with one word like an idiot?” Gyro crossed his arms. Launchpad was always an idiot but this was more so than usual. 

Launchpad pointed to his throat “CHOKE!”

“...what?”

Mia looked at Gyro. “I-I think… he’s choking?” 

“CHOKE!” Launchpad was indeed choking. He fell flat on his back in the middle of the hotel room.

His face had long turned purple and the three just stared at him as writhed on the floor. Eventually he went limp and that cliche thing happened where his head fell to the side and his tongue lolled out. Along with his tongue fell out an avocado pit.

“Did- Did he just die again?!” Gloria had seen this man shot and burned at the stake and it was an avocado pit that killed him?!

Launchpad popped back to life, gave a thumbs up and said. “Yep! See you in Act 4!” Then proceeded to pop the avocado pit in his mouth to choke all over again. 

When his face went purple, Gyro bent down to feel his pulse and nodded. “Yep. He’s dead. Again.” He stood up and started tapping his foot, all sassy like, while jotting out a hip. “Well, who’s going to fly the plane now?!” 

Glomgold crawled out from underneath Gloria and Gyro’s bed. “OI! I’LL DO IT!”

Mia screamed and practically fell over. A man just died in front of her, not that that hasn’t happened before, and now some sort of creature crawled out from underneath the bed?! What was going on?! 

Gyro didn’t even question why Glomgold was in their room or how he even got to Vegas. This was just the routine now. “...No. Just… no.” 

Gloria didn’t want to trust Glomgold with flying the plane either, however he was the one to fly the plane when they were leaving Agartha. She shrugged. “Let him fly it. He’s the one who flew us back from Agartha.”

“WOT?! I DID?!”

“YES! YOU DID!” 

“Oh… I see…”

Gyro started massaging his temples. “Fine. Like I said. I’m going to bed. I don’t care Launchpad will start decaying, and I don’t care if Glomgold starts crawling on the ceiling again. I’m done for the night.” He slowly walked over to the bed and crawled under the bed sheets like a hermit. That man had been through enough.

Mia turned back to Gloria, keeping her distance from Glomgold. “U-um… are you sure he can… he can get us back safely?” 

She shook her head “Not at all. But he’s the only one who has flown a plane.”

Mia gulped and was about to ask another question when Glomgold interrupted.

He cockroach crawled over to Launchpad’s body and pointed to it. “Do yooh need him?!” 

“What kind of a question is that?!”

“ANSWER MEH QUESTION, GLADIS!” 

“NO, I GUESS NOT! WHY?!”

Glomgold scratched his beard, took out a goldfish to eat (a live goldfish, not the cracker), and nodded to himself. “Oh... I see…” He didn’t answer Gloria’s question and instead propped open the door to drag Launchpad’s body out, slamming it behind him. There were several Scottish grunts as he tried to pull the himbo out of the room. Launchpad was 5x times his size.

“W-who… who is he?” 

“Don’t worry about it.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________


	54. Back To Duckburg

“WHAT’S UP, BITCHESSSS?!” 

Nope. That wasn’t Glomgold. It was Mark running up to the Glomsquad, and Mia, standing in the middle of the desert by the plane. They had been waiting for Glomgold for three hours and Mark took that as the opportunity to be fashionably late. Aka, he went shopping at Brioni, the most expensive clothing store in all of Las Vegas just so you know.

“Like meh new fit?!” It was a black and pink checkered suit. And yes, he had a fedora. 

That stupid outfit alone, and the way he said “bitchesssss” was enough in itself to hint he had his memories back. 

Gyro crossed his arms- wait he was already doing that, lemme start over. 

Gyro rolled his eyes and groaned. “Good to have you back, Mark.” He wasn’t pleased. At all. At least the Mark without his memories avoided him more. 

Gloria, on the other hand, was ecstatic. “Hell yeah!” She pumped her fists in the air. “My annoying Minecraft bitch buddy is back. And KILLER fucking fit!” 

“Thanks QUEEN!”

Mia was staying out of whatever was going on and stood under the plane wing, serving as protection from the sun. Sure, it was at risk of falling at any given moment since Launchpad built it but she didn’t give a shit. The ‘Glomsquad’, because that’s what they called themselves for some reason, were all pretty crazy. But she smiled, knowing that Gloria had found somewhere she belonged. Mia could only hope she could one day do the same. 

Having enough, Ellie walked over with her arms crossed. “You did not see my Uncle when you were out?” She didn’t give Mark time to respond to that. “If he does not show up in five minutes I am downloading piloting information myself.”

“Woah.” Mark put his hands up and then ran a hand down his body. “You’re not going to compliment my new fit?” 

She eyed him up and down and cringed. “It is lovely.” That was a lie.

Mark was too stupid to notice anyway so it didn’t matter. However, even if he did notice, he wouldn’t have been able to retort because Glomgold ran up on all fours. Cockroach style. There was a large trail of dust behind him that could easily have been spotted from an airplane. It would be a nice S.O.S strategy next time they got stranded.

He adorned a skanky flight attendant outfit from Spirit Halloween. A Spirit Halloween that for some reason was open in late June. 

“WHAT’S UP, BITCHES?!” 

If everyone wasn’t waiting in the middle of fucking nowhere for this guy, no one would’ve questioned him or the outfit he was wearing. But that wasn’t the case. Everyone was pretty pissed. 

“Where the hell were you?! We’ve been waiting forever!”

“MIND YOUR BUSINESS, GLADIS!”

“For the last time, it’s Gloria not Gladis! You should know that by now!”

“SILENCE, GORL!” Glomgold kicked sand in her direction before scrambling into the plane. Now he was pissed that no one bothered to complement his new sexy uniform that he got just for this occasion. Oh well…

Everyone followed behind Glomgold and got out of the desert and into the plane. It would take a few minutes for Glomgold to start the plane but at least they were all out of the sun.

Gloria sighed “We’ll be home soon… what’s the plan?” All of them have been away from home so long it was almost unreal that they will have their normal lives again in a matter of hours. Well, almost. They still had to worry about finding Boyd.

“Okay.” Gyro started pacing around the plane, taking out his notepad. Yes, it was the same one he used on the cruise ship when they were coming up with a plan to take down Ma Beagle. Damn. So much had happened in this Act. “So, when we get back to Duckburg. We split up into two groups-”

“Oh. My. GOD! Why does it have to be you who always comes up with the plans? They’re always bullshit.”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, MARK! I WISH YOU DID DIE!”

Everyone on the plane gasped, except Glomgold who was starting up the plane, while farting and eating boogers. He honestly was starting to turn into the character that pandered to elementary humor or something. Ew.

“Yo… that was kinda like… rude.” 

“Anyway,” Gyro cleared his throat. “We split up into two groups. Gloria and I will check McDuck Manor and you two…” He pointed to Mark and an Ellie who was still very offended over his comment about Mark. “Will check at Miss Glamour’s manor.”

Mark threw his arms out in childish exasperation. “Ewwwww, whyyyyyy?” 

“Because there is a possibility he didn’t go to McDuck Manor, knowing we would look for him there first. He never had an issue with Miss Glamour and she was nice to him, for the most part, so it wouldn’t hurt to check. AND it wouldn’t hurt for you to say hi to your mom.” 

“Okay look.” Mark laid a hand on his chest, making it very clear he was extremely important. “I feel like you’re checking McDuck Manor because you know he’s going to be there so you’re sending us somewhere else so we won’t be the ones to find Boyd.” There was a final click of his tongue to end the statement. 

“Can you blame me? It’s more likely he’d be willing to hear me out and not you two.” 

Damn. He really went there.

“EXCUSE ME?! I’ll have you know-”

It was Ellie’s turn to interject. She wasn’t happy in the least bit, especially because she had to deal with Miss Glamour again, but Gyro had a point. It should be them who checked the other area. “No. He has a very good point, Mark. I am fond of his plan.” 

Mark huffed and crossed his arms. He was still pissed, even more so now that he has to visit his mom again. She was totally gonna roast his new outfit that he spent a couple thousand on.

Gloria asked another question to help keep everyone on track. “Okay so we’ll split up and then what? In the worst case scenario that Boyd isn’t with either of them, what should we do next?”

Before anyone could answer Gloria’s question, Mia wanted to add to the conversation. She slightly held her hand up to help draw attention to herself. “Um… If it’s fine with everyone… I could help look for him, too…”

There was a pause before Gyro nodded. “We appreciate that, Mia. The more people the better. If you wouldn’t mind, you can search Funzo’s Funzone first, he might be there with Huey. You can meet up with us after.” He continued. “You and I,” He was referring to himself and Gloria. “Will check my lab afterward, then our house. Ellie, Mark, you check Waddle and your mansion or wherever the hell you live.” He sorta waved them off. “After all that… I guess the next best step is to split up the city into five sectors for each of us to search.” That was including Mia, not Glomgold, if that wasn’t already obvious enough.

Mia nodded, agreeing to the plan. 

“Does anyone have any goldfish?”

No one answered Glomgold and he scottishly grunted in response to nothing. 

“Okay. I assume there isn’t, but is there any questions?” 

No one said anything.

Gyro nodded “Alright. We’ll keep everyone updated with Boyd once we arrive back at Duckburg with a groupchat.”

“Ew, I don’t want to be in a group chat with you!”

Gyro glared at Mark but before Gyro could say something snarky, Mark continued. 

He waved his phone in the air “Can’t we just use the Anti Gyro Groupchat?”

“Uh, I’m not in that groupchat.” Gyro pointed to his chest with his thumb.

“Uh, yeah, I know… that’s kinda the point.”

Gyro scoffed and waved him off. “Fine! I can’t really be bothered with your idiocy right now so as long as someone updates me on Boyd, then I’m fine.”

Glomgold finally started the plane. He grabbed the intercom that was above his seat and screamed into it. “OI! BUCKLE UP, BICTHES!”

Glomgold didn’t give them any time at all to prepare. He was already having the plan pick up speed on the ground. The sand made the plane’s runway very bumpy. Mia and the Glomsquad didn’t waste any time to hop into a seat and buckle up, hoping that they will survive this plane trip.

Glomgold had managed to fly out of a cave, over the north pole, and back to california buuuuut he was more, i dunno, sane back then? 

No. That wasn’t the right term.

He was just more animalistic now. Yeah! That was it!

Most of the ride was pretty safe. Glomgold hit a few seagulls and geese here and there, a few popping into the engine, but ya know what? That’s just life. The plane kept on flying so who really cares at that point.

An hour or two past before Gloria finally looked over to Mia who was sitting the farthest away from the Glomsquad. She was scrunched up into a ball and was looking out a window. 

Gloria patted Gyro on the arm to let him know that she was getting up to leave. She walked over where Mia was sitting and sat down next to her. “Hey, are you doing, alright?”

There was a lot going through Mia’s mind. Yes she was happy to be leaving Vegas and starting anew but she was also very terrified. Would she even be able to make it in Duckburg? If not, would she have to return to her old ways as a prostitute? What about a job? An apartment? All of that in a city she didn’t know. 

“...Not really.” She admitted. 

It was weird. Being honest about her feelings with someone. She hadn’t done that in a long time.

“I’m...scared. I have been wanting to leave Vegas for so long but… all the things I pictured happened were with you. It turns out we’re too different of people now for that to… happen anymore.” She started picking at her nailpolish, not wanting to look Gloria in the eye when she was admitting all of these. Though, Gloria probably already knew. “I never thought about what I would do… if us being together wasn’t the outcome. And… I’m glad I left but now I’m wondering if it was… the right decision? It’s been so long since I had a normal life. I-I don’t know how to… socialize with people anymore. With normal people. I don’t have a family or any… friends. I don’t know where I’m going to live or what job I’m going to have. I want… to finish my degree but the local college there… with my major is… really hard to get into so I have to think of the possibility of not getting in… if I even will try. Like I said… I’m just… horrified.” She looked over to everyone else in the plane. “You have a group of friends you can fit… in with. I don’t.”

Gloria didn’t notice Mia was crying until she sniffled. She started to rub her back to comfort her and sighed. “I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same thing when I left Vegas. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to be pretty hard at first. But you shouldn’t worry too much, okay? You’re welcome to stay with me and Gyro until you’re able to get your own place. I’ll also do my best to help you get into Duckburg Tech and help find you a job. Things are different between us now but I’m still your friend, Mia. That won’t change.”

There was a moment of silence as Mia tried to get herself under control. No one else on the plane noticed she was crying, thankfully. She had gotten good at hiding it over the years in Vegas. 

“Thank you…” Her smiled was weak but genuine, before she turned to look at the rest of the group. “Your…new friends are pretty… odd.” Mia let out a light laugh. 

Gloria laughed too “Yeah they are. There was this one time where we all pretended to be family members so we could camp out at Marks mom’s house.” She laughed again, remembering how stupid that plan was. It was crazy to believe that they did that less than a year ago. She added “Ya know, they’re crazy, and I would get how you wouldn’t want to hang out with them but they are all pretty friendly. I can speak for them when I say that if you ever wanted to hang out with them, you can.”

Mia laughed again, but a bit harder. “I may take you up on that offer.” Then her smile faded when she looked over at Gyro. “I’m not going to lie. Gyro scared me at first, he has a bit of an anger issue. But I… can tell he would never hurt a fly. Especially… you.” She said. “You… two are very cute together. I hope I can be in a relationship like that one day.” She looked over at Ellie and Mark. “Not so much like… them though. I don’t understand… what’s going on with that.” 

Gloria laughed at that last statement “Yeah Mark is a little… there’s no clear definition to describe him. I get it where you’re coming from.” She paused for a moment. “I hope this isn’t awkward for you but I know someone that I can maybe set you up with. Her name is Heidi. I met her while we were traveling through Florida. It’s kind of a long story how we met and I can tell you about that later but anyways, she’s actually moving to Duckburg soon too. She’s really sweet and I think you might like her. At the very least you guys can be friends or rent an apartment together.”

That earned a snort from Mia. It was nice to hear after all this time. Gloria almost forgot she did that.

“You are going to try to… hook me up with someone?” She tried to muffle her snorts but Mark noticed and scoffed before going back to playing Mario Kart. 

Gloria smiled. She was glad that she was able to get her mind off of Vegas and Duckburg even if it was only for a minute. She held her hands up like she was surrendering. “I mean, I don’t have to! Totally up to you! Just think about it, okay? I can give you her number if you’re interested.”

“No, no.” Mia shook her head as her laughing subsided, but her smile stayed. “I’ll take you up… on that offer too.” 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When the plane landed, at the McDuck Manor of course, Glomgold scuttled out on all fours again. He made sure to eat some of the lawn to fuck with Scrooge before galloping into the woods like a majestic… thing. Now he could go flaunt his skimpy flight attendant outfit in the forest and scar all the trees. 

He was gone before the rest of them exited the plane. Thankfully. 

“Alright guys. Now is when we split up.” Gyro shooed Mark away. 

Mark flicked him off before grabbing Ellie’s hand and leaving. Ellie flicked Gyro, Gloria, and Mia off because she still thought that was a friendly gesture. That would have to be explained later on. Or not. 

“I- I have… cash on me so I can take an Uber to… Funzo’s Funzone. Then I can meet you guys… afterward.” Mia said, mainly to Gloria. Gyro still sort of intimidated her. But, honestly, most men did. 

“Okay! You have my number now so just text me!” Gloria smiled and waved Mia off. She waved back and walked towards the direction of town and started to request an Uber through her phone. She turned her smile to Gyro. “Alright! Time to explain why we haven’t been at work.” It was her attempt to lighten the mood. Obviously they were there to ask about Boyd but the conversation about their whereabouts and what had happened to them was bound to come up.

“What’s up, fuckers.” 

Gyro and Gloria nearly shit themselves, before spinning around to be met with a deadpanned Louie. He had a PEP with a green swirly straw. 

God who raised this kid? “Hey uh… green nephew? I don’t know your name. Anyways, can you get your uncle?” Gloria had met Louie before but it’s been a while.

He took a looooong slurp from his soda before smacking his lips. “Why?” 

Gyro sighed. He was so tired. So very tired. “Louie… please just go and get Scrooge for us.”

“Not until you tell me why, bitch.” 

Gloria pulled out a 20 dollar bill from her pocket. “Scram.”

“Mmmmm…” Louie looked at the 20 and then back at Gloria. He shoved it in his hoodie pocket without breaking eye contact with her. “That’s not gonna cut it. I’m gonna need a little more than that.” He pinched his fingers together, 

“You little shit…” Gloria muttered under her breath. Seriously, who the hell is raising this kid?! She handed him another 20.

He took it but kept his deadpan expression. “Bitch. When I said a little more, I meant at least two hundred.” 

Gloria grabbed the strings from Louie’s hoodie and tightened it so he couldn’t see. She just walked right past him, not caring if she was breaking an entry.

When the two walked in, the home was as chaotic as usual. Della setting things on fire, the kids causing havoc, Miss Beakley attempting to clean. You get the picture. 

There was no sign of Boyd so far. But Huey wasn’t there either which was hopeful. They could be somewhere else together.

“He’s probably in his office. C’mon.” Gyro waved for her to follow. 

And no. No one gave a shit they were there or paid them any mind because this was the McDuck household. 

Gyro entered Scrooge’s office with Gloria, not bothering to knock. Sure enough, Scrooge McFuck was there filling out paperwork. Probably financial.

“Hellllloooo Mr. McDuck!” Gyro clasped his hands together and took one long step with his twig ass legs across the room. “It’s been awhile.” 

Scrooge rolled his eyes and looked up. “It has been. Taking all of your vacation days like that. I had no equipment to help me and meh famileh out in Hell.”

Oh, that’s right. They went on an adventure to Hell awhile back. Aka New Jersey. It was New Jersey all along.

“Yes, well…” Gyro trailed off. He didn’t really plan this out.

Scrooge looked behind Gyro at Gloria and then back at Gyro. He smirked. “Ooooh. I get it. Some lovey dovey time.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

Gloria scoffed but Gyro ignored the comment, clearing his throat. He forgot how straight up Mr. McDuck could be at times. 

“Okay. Listen. Has Boyd been around?” 

“Who the fuck is that?” 

“...2-BO. The robot kid that looks like Mark Beaks.”

Scrooge just stared at him.

“Red bow tie.”

“OH! That lad!” 

There was a long strand of silence and then Scrooge went back to filling out paperwork. 

“...SO!?”

“‘So’ what?”

“HAVE YOU SEEN HIM?!”

Scrooge shook his head. “Nah. Huey has the flu so he wouldn’t want to hang out with other kids anyway. He’s not doing anything but sleeping so if the kid isn’t with Huey your best bet would be he’s with the other kids. But we went to Arby’s yesterday and he wasn’t with us.”

Ew. Arby’s? Really? Everyone knows those are just an illusion placed by the government. No one actually eats there. We have the meats my ass. 

Gyro turned around to look at Gloria. “Shit…” He looked worried. Scared even. 

Gloria looked at Gyro and then back at Scrooge “So you’re positive that you haven’t seen him at all in the past week?”

Scrooge nodded. “Positive, lass. And I am Scrooge McDuck, I have a sixth sense, so if he was in the house I would know. He isn’t.” He wasn’t very sympathetic considering he didn’t know the entire situation. But he didn’t really need to to answer the question. 

“Okay well, if you have a sixth sense about him later just let us know.”

“Got it, lass. Now you two get back to work.” He waved them off, somewhat politely.

And no, they weren’t going to get back to work just yet.

As soon as Gyro shut the door behind him so they were in the hall, he looked back at Gloria. “Okay… looks like we’re checking the lab.” He was getting more worried by the minute now. He swore Boyd would be at the McDuck manor, but it was an obvious place to check. If Boyd really didn’t want to be found then the Manor wouldn’t be it. Gyro could only hope he forgave them and was waiting at the lab for now. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Mark and Ellie stood on the doorstep of Miss Glamour’s mansion. Man, has it been a while. 

“You know, I called your mother when we were in Cincinnati to let her know you were in a coma and what you did to save me.” Ellie said. “I was asking if she wanted to visit just in case you did not make it. She ended up hanging up on me. I called again but then she blocked me.” There was a pause. “I do not think she knows you are out of your coma. Or even alive for that matter.”

Wasn’t Miss Glamour just the best mom ever? 

Mark knocked on the front door. “Yeahhhhh that’s my relationship with my mom in a nutshell. Whatevs.”

Falcon opened the door and glared at the two of them. “Oh… you’re still alive.”

Mark dabbed. “Hell yeah, baby! They can’t kill the Beaks man! Oh and is my mom here by the way? Gotta talk to her.”

Falcon didn’t say anything. He just opened the door wide enough for them to come in and closed it behind them.

“YO! MOM! GUESS WHO’S ALIVE, BITCH!”

Miss Glamour wasn’t in the room yet so Mark started to yell out for her.

There was awkward silence, excluding the ticking of Miss Glamour’s ten million dollar clock in the corner. 

Falcon was tapping his foot impatiently, getting ready to kick the two of them out if Miss Glamour didn’t show up in another minute. The thought made him smirk. He had been waiting to kick Mark in the ass for a long-

“Well well well…”

Damnit.

“If it isn’t my son who should be dead and the lying robot.” The bitch queen herself entered the room with her Gucci heels, arms crossed. That woman strutted like there was no tomorrow until she stood directly in front of the two of them, whipping her sunglasses off to study them harshly before slowly putting them back on. 

Mark shot her a finger gun and a wink. “Good to see ya too, mom! Anywayyyysss I don’t really want to see you and you probs don’t wanna see me so I’ll be quick. Have you seen Boyd, like, at all in the past week?”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“Boyd. This big.” Mark held his hand out to his side to show Boyd’s height. “The kid that was with us a few months back? He looks just like me when I was little.”

She tapped her chin like she was thinking but it was obviously very sarcastic. “Nope. Doesn’t ring a damn bell.” She shot her hand out, waving them off. “If that’s all you need, you two can shoo.” 

“Dude, you know who Boyd is! He literally stayed at your house a few months ago!”

“Nope.”

Mark sighed. “He’s the kid with the bowtie.”

Miss Glamour nodded her head. They couldn’t see her eyes because of her dank ass sunglasses, but they lit up with recognition. “Ohhhhh yes I remember him now.”

“... sooooooo…”

“‘So’ what?”

“So have you seen him?!”

“Nope.”

Ellie finally spoke up, stepping forward. “Are you certain? Have you seen him at all in the city?”

That earned a heavy eye roll. “Listen, bitch. I said no. I haven’t seen a bowtie kid.” She took her sunglasses off once again, swinging them around in her hand like they didn’t have literal diamonds on them. “Now, is that all you need?”

Mark started to get pretty huffy over his mom’s attitude. She was an impossible woman to deal with sometimes. “Yeah I guess so. Sorry to waste your time, mom! Oh, and by the way,” Mark held up Ellie’s left hand to show Miss Glamour her wedding ring. “Ellie and I are married now. Not that you care or anything.” Mark thought it would be cool if she gave them a wedding gift like a new boat or a couple thousand dollars but he knew it wasn’t going to happen. Worth a shot though.

“Get out, Markus.” She didn’t wait for either Mark nor Ellie to move, she simply looked at Falcon, silently ordering him to handle it himself. 

Now that was something Falcon was willing to do. He took a hold of both of them before forcing them out the door, giving Mark an extra push so he would fall face first on the ground. The door slammed shut behind them. 

Ellie immediately knelt down beside him. “Are you alright?” She meant both physically and mentally. 

Mark scoffed and got up to dust himself off. “She’s such a bitch. Whatever though. I’ll probably just TP her house to get back at her.” He took out his phone and wrote down his idea to prank his mom late at night. Falcon would probably kick his ass again but whatever.

“I will assist you.” Ellie offered. She took out her phone to text in the Anti-Gyro group chat that Miss Glamour’s was a no go. It looked like now they had to check Waddle just in case Boyd was there for… whatever reason. She was about to tell Mark what their next step was when her mind went in a totally different direction. She pointed to his left hand. “Oh! We need to get yourself a ring.” She smiled. 

Mark looked down at his left hand and the back up at Ellie. “Ohhh yeahhhhhh! Okay I’ll hire some Gucci jewelry designer to make me one!” He typed that into his notes too to remind him.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

From the other side of a screen, the high command watched Ellie take Mark’s hand and start to head out to what they could only assume was Waddle.

Then their eyes drifted to the screen watching Gyro and Gloria, currently checking the lab for Boyd. 

And then, finally to the screen where Mia was. Their most recent target. 

Glomgold wasn’t included because no one gave a shit about him.

“Goddamnit…” The leader murmured, turning around to face the rest of F.O.W.L “The McDuck family is enough to fucking deal with. But now the Glomsquad has returned from their vacation that was supposed to be permanent?! This is ridiculous.” 

One of the other vultures turned around to look at a shutdown Boyd. “Let’s deal with the kid first.”


End file.
